Stories

And it is...

2012-05-02T13:55:00.001-04:00

So excited to tell ya'll that we are going to have a little girl! With this last ultrasound it was just amazing to see her "swim" around ~ just full of LIFE!

Her energy is already amazing to me for every time we have seen her she is moving all over. And now that we know it's a girl I cannot wait to see her!!!!!!

Love you already our sweet pea princess!!!!

<3 ~ Momma

My Journey: Hear My Heart

2012-02-28T11:11:00.000-05:00

My heart is burdened for a special group of women. Those of you who sit in church or that I know other ways. You know who you are and you know how you hate child dedication days or that invitation to yet another baby shower knowing full well how much you want to be the one to send out the invite. That if you would go to the shower, no matter how happy you are for your friend/relative, that you cry afterward. And that when you have decided no more going you know the date and time of the event.

I hear your heart! I remember too well those days of heartache of watching other couples proudly show off their offspring. All I could think was Gag me. Sorry but this is real life, real heartache and sadness. Just don't go. Seriously. Take that emotional upheaval out of the equation and just avoid it. It's ok!!! Instead, plan a getaway for you and your spouse or a staycation. Keep in mind that this affects him as well. Talk about your feelings and if needed please seek counsel. God hears our hearts and is the best source of comfort. Granted there may be feelings of anger even at God but tell Him. (BTW ~ he already knows!)

When people offer unsolicited advice kindly but firmly let them know you are not interested. Whatever is said is merely a feeling of being kicked in the pants and furthermore THEY HAVE NO IDEA!! Resist the urge to punch them or offer your own sarcastic comment. It just brings more problems. (Although a good alternative is ordering a punching bag for your anger outlet!)

Thanks for hearing my heart....I love you!

Happy Dance

2012-02-21T12:51:00.000-05:00

January 19th will forever be in my mind as one of the happiest and most awestruck of my life. That is when we found out we are expecting. Now know big deal to many people but to us it is huge. Never did we expect this and never have we felt like foreigners than now. So many emotions. So many changes. Like names. Do you know how hard it is to pick a name that you both like? Or have no idea that your body changes and you as a woman don't care for things you once did...eating & drinking I mean. I used to love coffee....now I hate coffee. Bummer. Bread and butter pickles and moose tracks ice cream are now my favorite things...(yeah I am one of those!) so please don't eat them all!
Anywho that is my news at eleven weeks along!

Sara

Did I mention we now are looking for a full size van? NOT BLACK!!

Dedication

2011-10-31T20:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, among other families, we dedicated our precious little guy to the Lord! It was such a blessing to stand before our church family and publicly profess that we will raise him to strive to follow after the Lord and to have a heart for others.

Getting there was a process. First, my northern raised hubby had to shovel snow. About 20 feet of it. Did I mention he was raised in a northern state? That this is really not his idea of a work out but he did it anyway so we could go to church.

Thankfully no one complained too loudly about what they were wearing and we made it. On time. :)

Weirdly Dominic went to his class with no problems but then Kelsey pointed out that, since we were early, there was hardly anyone in his class so he was not overwhelmed. Sensory issues and him go hand in hand.

Back to dedication day. Elijah looked so adorable in his outfit. (Um can't remember what he wore but I know that he looked adorable!) He grabbed at our glasses trying to take them off but we won. They stayed on and our little guy continued his antics. The prayer for him was seemingly just for him. Now, I know that God has already known about him but to hear aloud this prayer was extra special. Lord ~ I thank you for the GIFT of LIFE and the fact that we get to be his FOREVER MOM & DAD!

We love you Elijah!!

pictures

2011-10-28T09:36:00.000-04:00

Showing off her talents!

In my limited spare time I have been going over the alphabet with the trio. This last time I watered down some glue, had them trace the letter with this mixture and then poured/traced the letter with a Starbucks single pack of vanilla coffee. I don't "do" vanilla coffee in the single packet.


Being silly while tracing the letter with glue. A great sensory project for him.

It is so funny to watch their expressions while they are learning and having fun. Of course, with this cutie pie there is never a dull moment. He is quite goofy but so sensitive at the same time.

Have you met the one who is going on 18?

This lovely little girl is one of the most temperamental independent children. We can usually tell how the day will go given the attitude that comes with waking up.

Max....could care less. I bet he is wondering if food will drop from the table?

Adriana's letter. I used an instant vanilla coffee packet to make it stand out.

Musings of a busy mom

2011-09-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

For what seems like forever I keep telling the little ones to go back to bed. And blah, blah, blah some other lame excuse is given. Need a drink of water, gotta go potty, can't sleep, too hot/cold, etc etc. To me ~ it's my time so please don't ruin it. I am sorry to admit that lately I have been selfish in my nap time "me time". Tired, tired and more tired. I don't wanna change another pamper, take pee soaked undies to the laundry room I just want me time.

And then...God speaks. When, dear child of mine, did you pay attention to me? Oh crap! ( being real...just keeping it real.) How about the other day when I had to use the bathroom God. I had toilet devotions then. Does that count? How about the praise and worship songs that we sang the other day to entertain the baby? It was sincere!

What this last paragraph of mine is just my selfishness to a Saviour who is the most wonderful patient being. One that time after time I fail and He just is there.

I don't always desire to write what is so raw and crappy in my own life but pooping and praising Jesus at the same time is not exactly devotions to me. (No pun intended.) So many times I get caught up in daily life. You know. Dinner, dishes, laundry, school and it's activities, hubby, children, meetings, support groups, and sometimes sleep. Coffee is a necessity

Please don't get me wrong. I love my Jesus! There are so many things to DO that my focus needs adjusted and the alignment then becomes correct. (What a duh statement but so true.)

So as I have my coffee I plan to drift of into a world of adventure. Where things happen today that happened then and maybe, just maybe, my sweet husband and children will awake to a mom ready to charge the world again.

Sara

Six years , five kiddos and a dog later we still love each other no matter what!

Our engagement picture over six yrs ago.

We are Youth Parents?!?

2011-09-11T15:43:00.000-04:00

There is such change in our life and it is good. Our oldest daughter just got back from her first youth retreat, quite tired, but had a great time. I asked her if she had a favorite time to which she replied that it wasn't able to be pinpointed. A little later she told me that she experienced the Holy Spirit and His presence in her life this weekend. What a blessing to hear that it was confirmed by her cabin mama and also that another girl experienced the same!! There is NO greater joy than hearing your child speaking about the love she experienced with Jesus!

Rain, Coffee and Kids Napping

2011-09-08T13:44:00.001-04:00

So here it is. The afternoon. Children are napping and I have ventured into a homemade quilt with coffee in hand to read. Ahh such bliss! Granted it does not appear on a resume, this coffee and quilt break, but it speaks volumes to my soul and spirit. So sleep well my family (and preferably longer than normal). Mama is having quiet time.

How Can I?

2011-09-04T13:46:00.003-04:00

Lately I have been wondering a lot of "How Can I's"? How can I possibly stagger through another day with my baby getting four teeth at once? How can I not "speak loudly" to my children and use calm, reassuring words? How can I be understanding with my husband when his back is hurting so much? How can I show my children the love of Jesus when I feel so inadequate?

It never ceases to amaze me the still small voice that beckons me onward. That, as I stand doing the dishes for what seems the millionth time, I can hear the whisper of Jesus in my ear. Verses and songs seem to reach out at these times and minister through the "How Can I's" of the day. In EVERY season HE NEVER LEAVES ME ALONE!
"Great is thy faithfulness!"

Last Sunday the current four year olds decided to play in the tote filled with water after Hurricane Irene. After watching them for a bit I see them run around the shed. This is my response...

Get your naked butts in here to go to the bathroom!!!!

Seriously?!? We do not live without a toilet and you do know how to use it. Their response?

But that means we have to come THE WHOLE WAY IN THE HOUSE!

I had no idea coming into the house was such a hardship! :) I am also sure that our neighbors can get quite a show at times! Bless their hearts!

Blessings on your week and please keep the Holland family in your prayers!
www.weloveconner.wordpress.com

Sara

2011-08-28T14:09:00.000-04:00

There is no noise except for the flapping of the fan and the occasional mutterings from the dog. I dare not heat up my coffee for fear the microwave dinging would wake up the trio and Jason camping out in the back room. It was so fast....them falling asleep after they found out daddy was going to "camp" with them. He asked them to each get their sleeping bags and other necessities (baby dolls, pillow pets, etc...) because he had a surprise for them! I wonder if he bribed them?? Hmm...time will tell.

The last two days I have been canning peaches and at last count think I got about 30 quarts. It was a spur of the moment thing to do. Maybe it boiled down to the fact that on Friday I had 2 less children in the house or maybe it was the fact that I knew everyone likes peaches, it was a good deal and it would be simply delicious come winter. Who knows. Either way the ants decided they liked the idea as well and produced a clan of them come Saturday morning. Let me tell you, it's morbid, but I thoroughly enjoyed killing those suckers. I was not impressed that after the use of Clorox the night before they somehow managed to find a trail of peach juice. Die ants, die!!! Ha Ha Ha!!

So what do I intend on canning tomorrow? Why Green Tomato Salsa of course! I had planted nine tomato plants this year and thinned them out Friday evening and got about 2 large container fulls. I didn't want to throw the green ones away and found a recipe online to use so we'll see how well we like it. Shouldn't take too long to do and hopefully the prep work will happen later today. With this weather being rainy would be a good time to heat up the kitchen without having to run an air conditioner.

Hoping for wonderful times this evening with my family,

Sara

So excited on her first day of school!

New Beginnings

2011-08-25T10:09:00.000-04:00

School time comes quicker than a Popsicle melting on a hot day. I remember writing it on the calender months ago that, today, August 25th, would be the first day of school for Kelsey. At that time, and some even this week, I found myself thinking, "Go ahead and go to school and don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Now, of course I didn't say that aloud because that would just be rude. (So I write it!?!?) But seriously there are days that it could have started in June and I would not have minded one bit.

However, I teared up this morning. She looked so beautiful and so grown up. This is the first day she has gone to school in two years since I home schooled her these last two. There is a season for everything and this one is quite fitting for her. Exciting, nerve wracking but wonderful just the same.

She did NOT want to have her picture taken....humor me okay.

In addition to the new school she also starts Jr. Youth at church. Does this mean I am old? There is no gray hair (if there was ~ I'd dye it) but I have been told there is a hair sticking out on my chin. :) Oh well! At least I care about what I wear when I go out....

most days!

Children

2011-08-23T23:19:00.000-04:00

My mind is wandering for various reasons tonight. We had children's ministry training at church and I am reminded how wonderful our church is for them. So many people who are dedicated to helping children grow to love Jesus and teach them at each level.

My mind is also wandering because of a beautiful family who are facing one of life's most difficult periods. I cannot fathom their pain or emotions that they are going through at this time nor is it right for me to say that I do. All is I can do is pray. Pray for strength, for peace, for wisdom. Pray for laughter to appear and hugs to be sweet. Pray. That is all I can do.

Thank-you Jesus that we can come to you ANYTIME, ANYWHERE and YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE!

www.weloveconner.wordpress.com

2011-08-18T14:08:00.000-04:00

This day is definitely laced with foster care and adoption issues. This morning we had a caseworker come out for the baby in regards to putting together his profile. Wonderful lady who was so kind to the inquisitive toddlers that asked every question they could possibly think of. "Can you color with me? Wanna see my room? I get pennies for peeing on the potty? See I have big-girl panties on. Do you know that Kelsey is taller than mommy? Daddy is at work? Did you know that daddy is at work? Can you color with me?" It was like they don't get out much. Like they have never seen another lady other than mommy. So inquisitive and so polite that it was warming to my heart. Oh but wait....then it started. After settling in to our conversation out of the corner of my eye I can see Dominic slyly extending his leg in what looked like a kick! Are you kidding me??? We have a caseworker here! (Granted my hubby is one too but this is someone different.) It's like telling the children on the way to church to "Stop slapping, kicking, yelling to each other we are going to praise Jesus!!! Now all of you be quiet or I am going to come back there!" Which, that in itself, would be a sight. Grown woman unbuckling to stumble through a filled mini-van to tell children to straighten up! Downright laughable!
So I see my sly son kicking his sister. Yep, it is now a fight! After entangling them from each other with no hair loss or physical damage to the other love is once again reigning. Albeit with some strong encouragement from mom bestowing the virtues of kindness and why it is important. Does this register? Please? Oh Hallelujah it's time for Caillou!

So tonight my hubs and I will have a date night after Loss of Life training. Should be enlightening to hear what the speaker has to say in regards to dealing with the trauma associated with foster and adopted children. Although my husband is very knowledgeable about these things it is nice to sit beside him and gain understanding jointly. He lives this life and I can tell when is a good day or a bad day to ask questions based on what he was working on that day.

Currently, I have 3 children who are resting/sleeping with the toddler girls JUST put back for the 3rd time. Patience is the recipe of the afternoon for this mama. I think I'll go make some Homemade Laundry Soap (find in recipe section) since I am soon out and hope that by the time I am done with that the girls will be in dream land.

Let's hope!

Roots

2011-08-15T10:32:00.000-04:00

I read these two statement today as I was holding the baby and marveled at the timing!

Peace comes not from the absence of conflict in life but from the ability to cope with it. ~ Anonymous

Lord, when I don't understand why something is happening help my faith in You to give me peace through the conflict.

You see, I was allowing bitterness and anger to overtake me. At church yesterday, during our worship time, I could think of the person that entered our home and became so angry that I got mad at the song and just stopped singing. We were singing about Jesus being our Redeemer, Restorer, Healer and, quite frankly, I did not want to see this individual happy. I wanted this person(s) to suffer but where in our Jesus' compassion does that rank? Humbly I was reminded that Jesus created ALL, not just those who I think deserve it but everyone who desires to know Him.

Grace. What a wonderful concept!

Jesus ~ my prayer this week is to be reminded that You dwell in all hearts. In my own heart I ask that you water it with compassion, not anger. That Jesus, I be able to understand that You love the broken-hearted and care with a depth of love that surpasses my understanding. Help me to see without blinders and not be judgmental.

Sporting a 'Tude

2011-08-12T21:02:00.000-04:00

I confess. It was mom in the kitchen, with her hands on her hips telling the children for the umpteenth time to behave. I don't really know what it was this time that brought it on but I definitely had it. The other day all four of the oldest were made to go pick tomatoes for their attitude but I don't want this turning into a "you-do-something-wrong-you-get-to-work" mantra.

All too soon this will change. As life does. Two of them will be entering a school instead of mama teaching them which means that I will ONLY have 3 left at home. Do you know how that sounds to some? What? Are you kidding me? ONLY Three??? Uh...yep ~ only three! Hopefully that changes once hubby gets out of grad school. Tee hee hee!

So anyway back in the kitchen I realize that my children look to me as the parent for guidance and I let them down. Not in the aspect of following through on negative attitudes and behaviors but on the tone of how I handled it. You see I realize that I heard my children in me and that is what was wrong. The attitude is in allowing them to know that what they did was wrong but not in a loud or well...for me...loud manner.

I pray that as they grow that they would see Jesus in me and want to emulate that love to others. There is so much more than the computer time or daily life and that is in the little things that I do for them now. That is what I want them to remember!

*They all are in bed!! :)*

Canning ....Everything!

2011-08-06T20:04:00.000-04:00

Love this time of year when tomatoes are ripe and canning is in sight. Last night hubby and I had a *free* date night (gift card + market walking) which resulted in more produce. We had already designated today as our canning day and with the added tomatoes (3 boxes) and peppers (1 box) we had lots of work to do today.
Spaghetti sauce, salsa, chow chow and coleslaw were all added to our freezer and shelves. Cannot wait for winter to come and know our yummy food is in the basement.

I already wrote of last night but nothing was cooler than standing and watching the animal auction. I envisioned the billy goats and chickens being sold last night someday being on my property. A menagerie of other animals, horses definitely, but who knows what else. I'll just go browse through my Hobby Farm magazine and remember that in time...in time this will hopefully be our reality. For now I will live wonderfully through others who already live on a farm and dream. Now ~ if those neighboring chickens and rooster get out again.........

Blessed quietness

2011-07-16T21:58:00.000-04:00

During the midst of the recent burglary, my hubby working full-time, going to grad school part-time, raising 5 children and chasing our dog, Max, we needed a break.

So after securing reliable sitters, we took off for a meal out and one night by ourselves.

We relished not doing anything. Seriously! We got to be in this beautiful little cabin with nothing but the sounds of nature to soothe us. Oh and a fan for noise. We watched Fiddler on the Roof and forgot that us thirty-somethings stayed up long past our normal five child bedtime.

Still singing "Sunrise, Sunset" the nest day (because through the movie, we get to go to theater) we just are. We are a couple. A couple who get to sleep at whim, to drink coffee on a beautiful deck and do whatever we want for this time. He naps. I read. Oh yeah!!!

Thanks to the wonderful couple who are such a blessing and provide a neat place for us to recharge. Your blessing has enriched us and we are so grateful!!

Quilting

2011-07-14T07:40:00.000-04:00

So recently I started sewing again. I get caught up in the day to day of the house and don't get to just sit and sew. To some of you that probably seems out of character for me. To others, you know that this is something that has been taught by my mom and seems natural to pick back up. Walking down the aisles of fabric at stores my mind just spins! Too many wonderful choices that there could be a serious damage to the wallet. So for now I finish the ones that I started already. A tier skirt for the girls (all 3 of them), some cute lil' dresses, some pony tail ribbon holders, and cutting the fabric for my quilt. Yes ~ a quilt. A 4-square patch quilt that Kelsey and I started but needs finishing. Of course, this is done when the toddler trio and the baby is in bed so my time is precious! The best fall project ever is what I saw in my aunt's house and demonstrated in this clip ...

So...back to the projects. Who knows? Maybe I'll start my own little seamstresses!

The JOY of the Lord!

2011-06-27T13:02:00.000-04:00

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my powerful right hand."
~Isaiah 41:10

This verse became my thoughts this past week. A week where I questioned where we live. Why this and why that. Who touched what in our home? Did whoever that was in our home pee in the toilet? Look in our refrigerator and eat our food? I must admit many thoughts entered my mind that were not in the least kind and even ...dare I say...um...bad ones. You know what they are. Ones you tell your children not to say.

There is such peace and comfort in the arms of my beloved. My lover and friend. When he prayed over us, the children, and our home I felt such peace. Such contentment in knowing that everything is okay.

That is not to say that we are not on heightened awareness because we are and will continue to be. It is, however, to say that Jesus goes before us and we trust HIM. Plain and simple. Just now I am reminded of the hymn "Trust and Obey". We will trust Him and know that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD!

Thanking Jesus for His protection,
Sara

Birthday Boy - Part One

2011-06-15T16:32:00.000-04:00

Here are a few pictures of what he received from Gigi and Grandpa for his birthday. I cannot believe that he turned four! That means that next year he goes to school! *Sniff* *Sniff*

"Quit taking my picture"!

SO proud of "Diamond" who goes everywhere with him (even VBS).

One of his very own...

HIS money and "no one elses"!!

Rollercoaster

2011-06-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

Saturday we had a picnic. Not just any picnic but one for the agency that we are apart of with foster care. I took all 5 kiddo's by myself while Jason worked on his paper for grad school. Thankfully he was able to write the rough draft and will only have to tweek it later on this week.

Of course, the picnic is held at the same location every year but I still stopped to double check the directions. Can't help it ...memory loss! :)

Lots of yummy food, fun games and catching up with people who are helping children and families. We saw the caseworker who placed our first two children so that was a real treat.

Adriana waiting for candy/peanut scramble.

This was what they saw....

She didn't seem overly thrilled....can ya tell?

Maybe because her group didn't leave her much.

Proud of her candy...

He lined EVERY piece on the table just so...

The only picture I was able to get of Kelsey....she doesn't like her pictures taken.

Foster care is anything but normal. One phone call can change your life and one phone call can place you on an emotional rollercoaster. That is how I feel right now. On an emotional rollercoaster. One phone call. From our WONDERFUL caseworker but one phone call and there may be visits with a possible father. One phone call and the adoption that we thought could take place in possible September could not. Is this some sort of game?? That maybe the paperwork was forwarded to the mother and now we are being tortured? I question so many things. So many whys and then I question why I question when we are being held by the One who has ALL the answers. Please don't think that I don't care about the birth parents because I do. With all my heart. I just am keeping it real.

For all the children no matter what,
Sara

2011-06-10T06:49:00.000-04:00

Yesterday when I was fixing supper I heard ... "Kelsey, come here and see what we did" (Dominic) "Oh and don't tell mom." Right ~ don't tell mom. This is what I saw when I peeked into his room........

3 little monkeys jumping on the mattress...

all smiles....

Since they knew they weren't to be jumping on furniture I asked them to put the mattress back. Kayleigh and Adriana complied right away but this was Dominic's response....

I know. I know. I am horrible for not allowing this adorable boy his wish. Ha! Fat chance no matter how cute he is...he then tried to bribed me with..."your so pretty mommy"!

So stinking cute...can't believe he is going to be 4 on Tuesday!!

2011-06-08T17:23:00.000-04:00

Helping daddy & posing for mama.

Kayleigh showing off the pine cone she throws to Max.

Dominic working in the garden. Long sleeve shirt and shorts of 2 different jammies. That's Dominic.

The princess ~ Adriana ~ using daddy's sledgehammer in the garden. Why????

So there has been a lot of time spent outside lately. The weather has been wonderful and is awesome for having them sleep soundly!! ;) Just wanted to share some fun times. I CANNOT WAIT to post pics of our little "big" 6 month old ...as soon as the adoption goes through. He makes some adorable faces looking like a sumo wrestler! Talking with the caseworker recently we are hopeful that the adoption will take place sometime early fall? This is the part where I just want to snap some magic wand and all the court procedures would be done. That tomorrow would be the "Gotcha" day and everything would be official. *Sigh* It doesn't work that way. Paperwork & procedure still take a lot of time.

Meanwhile life goes on and the kids, when inside, still find things to get into. Like paint. Dominic watched daddy open a can of paint and wanted to be just like him. Yep~ purple paint ended on the cement floor, the toybox and freezer in the basement. Really?? Really?!?!?!?

Yesterday, the same child, decided to clog the drain~ AGAIN~ with water spilling down over the sink and through the flooring, down the hall and into the basement steps. I sat on the toilet and cried. Then shut the water off for the rest of the day. I don't take readily to crying but just needed that release yesterday. He was quite quiet and cleaned up the water with bath towels without complaining at all.

Later that day I remember the song that was in my heart on Sunday. "You Hold Me Now' worship song reminded me again that Jesus was there for me. What a wonderful reminder!

Hoping for a little less drama tomorrow~

Sara

You hold me now

2011-06-06T10:39:00.000-04:00

Worship. It's all about worship. Yesterday at church I could feel Jesus just holding me in His arms. Just to be in HIS embrace was too much to take. It was the softest and warmest embrace. Just love oozing into my very soul!! Thank-you Jesus for reminders that you are in the midst of every situation and we are not alone. I love you my daddy Jesus!

Challenges

2011-06-03T15:04:00.000-04:00

It's not easy raising children. Some days I wonder how they will turn out. Some days I wonder if I will survive. Just that day. It's not just the things that happen with 3 toddlers in tow but the emotional challenges of raising a older adopted child. Not a bad child ~ just a hurt child. When I place myself in her place and think about the various trauma she had to go through, my heart becomes soft. I cannot say this all the time. There are times that I think I cannot possibly go on one more minute or one more second. There are so many things that I am reminded through scripture that cause me to remain strong. How lives can become changed. How the wonderful & amazing grace of Jesus is able to overcome brokeness. How friends & family can call or give me a break at just the right time. That's what it's about. Reaching out and saying...I cannot do this on my own and I/we need you. Thank-you for those of you who encourage us and pray for our family. Remember to love those who hurt ~ just a smile or note of encouragement can go a long way.

That being said...

This week I had lying, cheating, whining, dog food put in the water dish, the ceiling colored with a marker (they stood on the table to reach it!!) and the following poured out in our basement...

Add caption

and this...

scrubbed onto the cement floor. Yes folks, it is a dove soap bar. One of these days, in the coming years, I will look back and wish this is all they did. Squirting out a liquid item and scrubbing the floor with soap. But ~ this week has not been remotely close. For now I will drink my coffee and pray to make it through the day.

Now...did I tell you about the toddlers who let a sink overflow and "rain" into the basement?