Fox Party of Five

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2015-04-06T04:14:00.001-07:00

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Director of Development at Scottsdale Training & Rehabilitation Services ( STARS)

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2015-03-31T04:24:00.001-07:00

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Toby Amir Fox, MA, MPA, CFRE

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2015-03-25T14:08:00.001-07:00

Toby Amir Fox, MA, MPA, CFRE

Director of Development at Scottsdale Training & Rehabilitation Services ( STARS)

Phoenix, Arizona Area

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First published article!

2009-11-08T08:29:00.001-08:00

My first essay for So Scottsdale Magazine has been published!

http://soscottsdale.com/issues/2009nov/index.html#/88/

Noah kickin' it old skoll

2009-09-09T07:29:00.001-07:00

Conversations with Noah

2009-08-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

Below are actual conversations I had with Noah this weekend.

Me: Noah, did you take Brat Pills today?
Noah: No Mommy, you didn't buy me any

**For the record, Noah had a rough weekend with regard to whinning and his overall behavior. The pièce de résistance was Sunday afternoon at Michael's when he laid on the floor of the frame department and started moaning that he wanted candy.

Later that evening, in the car

Noah: Mommy, I am tryyyyyying to have good behavior.
Me: Well sweetheart, than what is stopping you? (thoughtful pause)
Noah: My life.
Me: Hysterical laughter, followed by a sudden urge to Tweet.

#1 Fan

2009-08-28T17:28:00.001-07:00

What Hannah & Abbie did at school today

2009-08-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

And why I now have gray hairs.

Before

After

A letter to our friend Dr. Carter

2009-08-16T20:47:00.001-07:00

Dear Dr. Carter (Mommy said we can’t call you Andy):

We wanted to come by and see you on our birthday but we heard you were on vacation. We have never been on a vacation, but Mommy and Daddy said that it may be a while before we get to go on one. We think it has something to do with the fact that the last time Mommy and Daddy went on a vacation they came back with us as a souvenir. Go figure.

So far life is pretty good. Although we may fight sometimes, we really do love each other a lot. We love going places and now that we are *almost* walking life is starting to get a lot more interesting. Did you know that in the bathroom there is this big thing with water in it? When we don’t think Mommy is looking we like to go in there but she always manages to find us before we can play in the water. It’s like she has eyes in the back of her head!

We love going swimming in the pool and we love it when people play with us, especially our big brother Noah. We also like going to Costco because they have carts big enough for both of us to sit in them at them same time. And they give out free food! We went there with our Papa and he got us SIX samples of Mango Mousse. Every time we giggled he went back and got us more. The power of twins. Who knew?

We also like Costco because people know us there. Everyone stops to makes funny faces at us and they ask Mommy the silliest questions. Are we twins (Duh)? Are we identical (No. And we can prove it thanks to the pictures you graciously took)? Are we natural (Do people think we came from a box)? And they also like telling Mommy that “she must have her hands full.” She said that the next time someone says this she is going to ask if they are offering to come over and babysit. We don’t think we are a handful. We are simply little girls that know what we want. . and we go for it.

Anyway, we’re sorry that we missed you on Friday. We just wanted to say hi and thank you in person for helping bring us into the world (nice catch by the way!)

Warmest Regards,

Hannah & Abbie. . . a.k.a. The Foxettes

P.S. Isn’t it amazing how we learned to blog before we learned to read?!

Happy 1st Birthday Hannah and Abbie!

2009-08-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hannah and Abbie and ONE Today!

Hannah Eve (purple)

a.k.a. Baby A, Hannah-Banana, Hannah-Boo, Hannah-Belle

21 pounds

29 1/2 inches

18 inch head circumference

Abigail (Abbie) Eden (pink)

a.k.a. Baby B, Abber-Dabbers, Abber-Dabber-Doodle, Crabigail

20.1 pounds

29 inches

18 inch head circumference

Hard to believe that one year ago today THIS is where we started.

Mommy

Hannah

Abbie

Finishing the marathon

2009-08-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

The first year as a “mom with multiples” has been like running a marathon.

This time last year I was waiting with bated breath for the arrival of twin girls. Up until that point, Dan and I had spent 8 months living from one doctor’s appointment to the next. My days were filled with visits to the OB, the perinatologist, and the hospital for non-stress tests. We worried constantly about all the things that might happen. Would I have to go on bed rest? Would the girls be premature? Would I need a cesarean? Would they have to spend time in the NICU?

In hindsight, I think we were so fixated on “the birth” that we didn’t stop to think about what happened next. And then when Hannah and Abbie were born, we were so busy trying to keep our heads above water that we never stopped to take it all in. I went to a “Moms of Multiples” meeting back in May and when the topic to turned to what we as moms were doing to take care of ourselves, I told the group that I wasn’t taking care of myself. That I couldn’t take care of myself because I was too busy trying to keep my head above water and survive.

Someone once told me that the only people who can truly understand what it’s like to be a “mom of multiples” are moms of multiples. That it doesn’t matter how many children you have, or how close in age they are. Because it’s impossible to know what having two babies is like unless you actually had two babies at the same time. At the time I thought it was bullshit. This wasn’t my first pregnancy. I knew what I was doing because I had done it before. I also knew that I possessed what many other women lack: confidence in my abilities as a parent. That may sound haughty, but knowing that I am a “good” mom (whatever the hell that means) has given me a degree of strength in my thirties that I sorely lacked when I was in my twenties. But the reality is that unless you’ve been in my shoes, you really don’t know how hard it is. You can’t know.

Now that I am literally at the 26^th mile marker of my twin marathon I am forcing myself to look back on the last year of life. In many ways this has been the hardest year of my life. Harder than anything I could have ever possibly imagined. We’ve weathered a lot. Including but not limited to jaundice, RSV, torticollis, physical therapy, more doctors and co-pays than I can count, breastfeeding, multiple stomach bugs, not to mention full-time jobs and the needs of another child. I’ve been peed on, crapped on, and vomited on multiple times. And at the end of the day, I’m still here. My girls are here. Noah and Dan are here. Noah, Hannah, and Abbie are happy, healthy, and thriving. They are loved by family and friends around the world.

Sometimes the greatest gifts we receive are the ones we didn’t realize we wanted (or needed). I can truly say that the LAST thing I ever envisioned hearing someone say to me were the words, “congratulations, you’re having twins.” It was so unexpected and overwhelming, and to some degree that pronouncement is still sinking in because in that moment our lives were changed forever. In ways both big and small.

I can’t go grocery shopping with the twins. Why? Because traditional grocery carts were designed to accommodate one child, not two. Which means I have to take the stroller (however I’m an industrious gal. I can make short trips by attaching a basket to the stroller handles).

Letting one girl cry it out at night wasn’t much of an option because Hannah and Abbie share a room. Teaching one a lesson ends up pissing the other off.

As Dan and I tag-team the girls, sometimes Noah is forced to fend for himself. Which causes me to feel guilty that he is being ignored. I’m Jewish, so guilt comes with the territory.

Everything is doubled. Diapers, clothes, shoes, toys, etc. What we’ve spent in the last year on diapers, wipes, and formula would frighten people.

But I wouldn’t trade any of it. Why?

I love watching Hannah and Abbie play with one another when they don’t think anyone is looking.

I love the look on their faces when I come into their room each morning.

I love how they light up when Noah plays with them.

I love watching them fight with one another. For the moment, it’s still cute.

I love knowing that they will always have each other, and a big brother to protect them.

My mother has always told me that G-d have me my shoulders for a reason. . . and that he will never give me more than I am capable of handling. The last 18 months have rendered this advice true. To this day, strangers will approach me on the street as I am pushing my double stroller and they will say, “Wow! You must have your hands full. Better you than me!” This sentiment used to really bother me. But then I decided to own the sentiment.

“You’re right. Better me than you. Because unlike you, I can handle this with grace and a sense of humor.”

Bring it on.

Training Camp

2009-08-11T22:46:00.001-07:00

Yes, I waited in line for about two hours so that Noah could get Kurt Warner's autograph (Cardinals quarterback). And yes, I played the "twin card" and used the girls as leverage so that my dad could get on the field with us (we we in a special area and they weren't letting anyone stand on the grass).

Just as Noah reached the front of the line and was about to ask "Mr. Warner" to sign his shirt my dad leaned over and said, "I hope that you're not signing all those autographs with your throwing arm."

After being a season ticker holder for 21 seasons (and 19 of them losing seasons) my dad can say whatever he wants, when he wants.

The power of twins. . .

2009-08-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

We can now add Neil Rackers (place kicker for the Cardinals) to the list of people who have made goofy faces/noises at the twins. Alice Cooper is also on this list.

How I lost Noah's underwear

2009-08-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

There is no camp or preschool or daycare this week. So I took the week off from work to hang out with the kids.

After spending some time at the gym, we headed over to Desert Ridge to have lunch and play in the splash pad with friends. Between the two adults we had two 4 1/2 year old boys (Josh and Noah), twins that are *almost* one (Hannah and Abbie), and another baby girl who is about 7 months (Becca).

You could say we had our hands full. And it was hot and humid. Well, Arizona humid.

After lunch my friend took the boys to the bathroom at Paradise Bakery to put on their swimsuits. After they were done playing she offered to take them back to the bathroom to get dressed.

Which is when I realized that somewhere between the bathroom and splash pad I had lost Noah's underwear. So he went home commando. Like I was buying him a new pair for the car ride home.

Except by the time we got home I forgot that Noah wasn't wearing underwear. In fact, I didn't realize it until four hours later when we were at the mall and I looked down and saw Noah's tush hanging out.

I can only imagine the calamity that ensued when some nice couple sat down at down at Paradise Bakery to enjoy a their Turkey Cranberry sandwiches and saw Noah's tighty-whitey's at their table.

Where we're at

2009-08-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

Haven’t been writing much lately. In a nutshell there, has been a lot going on and by the end of the day I’m so exhausted that all I have the energy to do it sit and watch reality TV because it doesn’t require me to think, which at the end of the day is what I need most.

The biggest news is that we’ve put our house up for sale. There are a lot of factors that have gone into this decision. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 18 months, the housing market nationwide had completely collapsed. As just about every media agency has pointed out, it’s particularly bad in Arizona. We purchased our home in 2006 when the market was still hot. Since then it’s lost about 45% of its value. There is no equity, and we’re “upside down” in our mortgage, meaning the house is worth considerably less than what we paid for. From a business standpoint it will take at least 10-15 years for the home to regain its value, and with our mortgage being what it is, we can’t afford to make the cosmetic changes that we’d like to make. For all these reasons, getting out makes a lot of sense.

The situation is bittersweet. A house is nothing more than four walls, but a home is where family is (at least for me). And yet I find myself looking at the kid’s rooms and thinking about hard Dan and I worked to make the spaces “special” for them. . . and how in a few short weeks these won’t be their rooms any more. I remember how my aunt and I struggled to stencil the quotation above the cribs, knowing that it may be painted over by someone who won’t care (or understand) why it was special to me. And I remember the look on Dan’s face when I told him that we should paint Noah’s room two colors, and how hard he worked to get it done for the “big brother to be.”

I lay awake at night wondering if we have made the right decision, and hoping that 3-5 years down the road we will look back on the situation with relief. I’ve gone through a range of emotions: sadness, relief, stress, anxiety, joy, and disappointment. And for a variety of reasons I feel like I’ve failed my kids. But as a dear friend pointed out, “you would be failing your kids by not doing anything. And you’ve chosen to do something.” Like everything else in life, this decision is a risk but one that I really think (hope) will be worth it in the end. But I am also excited about the possibility of moving to a new house in a new neighborhood. Being closer to friends and in a more “family-friendly” neighborhood.

My biggest challenge at the moment is keeping the house clean and organized 24/7 so that it can be shown. And I’ve got my fingers crossed that we will find a buyer. Once we do, Dan and I will start looking for a new place. And in the meantime, we wait.

Dan's closet

2009-07-31T21:44:00.001-07:00

This is Dan's idea of "cleaning out his closet." and he also
threatened to take away my iPhone because he says I use it for evil,
not good. :-)

My Baby Can Read!

2009-07-30T23:00:00.001-07:00

Last night I was playing on the floor of our bedroom with Abbie, and she kept trying to crawl under the bed and I couldn’t figure why . I turned my back for a second, and not only had she crawled under the bed, but she came back out with this:

Do you think she was interested in the pictures? Or the articles?

Costco with Papa

2009-07-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

As you can see, the girls LOVED the mango mousse on special at Costco
today. They each had three.

Priceless

2009-07-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Making dinner (blueberry pancakes) for the family: $10

Making Oreo Balls for dessert: $10

The look on my mother's face when Noah got naked, turned around, and made his butt talk: Priceless.

Paid for in Full

2009-07-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

Eleven months after the fact, we have paid off the last of the hospital bills from the twin’s birth. I guess this means they are officially “ours” as they are now paid for in full. Woo-Hoo!

After we made the last payment to the hospital I asked them to send us a final invoice (indicating that the girls were paid for) that we could keep for our records. I didn’t understand what many of the charges were, but there were some that did make me laugh a little.

Oxygen: Which I don’t EVER remember receiving, but okay ($30).

Lanolin Ointment: The teeny-tiny tube of cream that you’re supposed to use for cracked nipples. You know, the stuff I now use on my lips when I can’t find my chapstick ($4.30).

Rupturing My Membranes (breaking my water): Hardly what I would call a pleasant experience especially at $65/per baby ($130). I believe telling Dan afterwards that it felt like I was being sexually violated. Clearly my definition of "a little pressure" was different from Dr. Feelgood's.

Hemorrhoidal Preparation H pads: For the hemorrhoids I was too embarrassed to tell my doctor about. Guess the secret is out now ($23.50).

The Epidural: Which was HANDS DOWN the best money ever spent! ($700). Interestingly, my epidural with Noah was $1,666.66.

Zolpidem: Otherwise known as Ambien. I don’t remember taking four of them (at $8.20 each), but I do remember waking up in the middle of the night as the nurses were trying to put my shirt back on. Why was I shirtless? Because in my Ambien daze the nurses “woke me up” to pump and I proceeded to pump both breasts at the same time for 20 minutes. This actually requires a fair amount of coordination (all the more impressive given my level of klutziness) and I have no memory of it whatsoever. Except for when the nurses were getting me dressed and putting me back to bed ($32.80).

I think I will put these in the baby books. Because every parent should save the receipt.

A message to all who visit

2009-07-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Feeling nostalgic for the past, I started re-reading some of my blog entries from this time last summer. Ahh. . . .the memories.

Anyway, I also took some time to read the comments that people left. Since most people visit without commenting I don’t always know who is coming to the site and reading. Which is why I don’t reveal certain information about myself. . . like our address, where I work, etc. That said, this blog is public and anyone can visit. This leads me to my following statement.

To the random person who commented on a post I made last summer calling me “fat” and a “whiny bitch,” and who said that I should not have “f***ed my man last fall without protection if I didn’t want to go through it [pregnancy] in the summer,” I have this to say:

F**k you. You have nothing better to do than post nasty comments on a stranger’s blog? I have a beautiful family, tremendous friends, a career, and a life full of joy. I also have something you clearly lack: a sense of humor. Get over yourself.

And bite me.

Eleven months ago tonight. . . .

2009-07-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

The girls were born. Where did the time go?!

How did we go from this (Hannah is on the left, Abbie the right):

To this:

Weren't they born just yesterday?

And while we're on the subject, where did this baby go?

In the blink of an eye. . .

Another sign that I don't have to worry about the Ivy League

2009-07-08T22:03:00.001-07:00

I think this picture speaks for itself. Hannah seems unfazed that there is a piece of cantaloupe stuck to her head.

While the other kids were playing with blocks. . .

2009-07-08T21:30:00.001-07:00

My kids were getting shit faced at 7:30 a.m.

Getting ready to leave in the morning involves making breakfast and lunch for everyone, and we do a lot of back and forth to the refrigerator. So image our surprise when we discovered this:

The thought of preschool has driven Hannah and Abbie to drink. They just crawled up and helped themselves.

Working with the buzz, the preschool teachers thought it would be fun to do this:

Twin Tramp Stamps!

Yes. The gave the girls their very own (temporary) tattoo's. Hannah got a butterfly and Abbie got a Dragonfly. For the record, this is not something I would ever have done on my own. However, in the big scheme of things it's not a big deal and I chose to find the humor in the situation. On the bright side, at least we can tell them apart now!

Commando

2009-07-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

Dan took Noah to see the Phoenix Mercury play last night. They had a good time and Noah stood five feet away from Amare Stoudamire and didn’t care because he was focusing on shooting baskets at the Kids Area.

They home from the game around 9:30 p.m. and I wanted to quickly get Noah changed and in bed. As he pulls off his shorts it dawned on me: the kid isn’t wearing any underwear.

Me: “Noah, how come you’re not wearing any underwear?

Noah: “Because Daddy didn’t give me any. Daddy, this is YOUR FAULT” (said while pointing accusingly at Dan).

Dan: “Toby, this is so not my fault. I gave him shorts to wear. He didn’t tell me he needed underwear.”

Here is what I think happened.

Noah came home from camp wearing a bathing suit. In the rush to get ready for the game and get out the door, I asked Dan to give Noah a pair of shorts. Which he did. Except Dan failed to realize that one typically wears underwear with their clothing. . .especially if they are 4.5 and going out in public. So Noah dutifully took off his bathing suit, put on the shorts, and didn’t think to tell his father that he wasn’t wearing underwear. And Dan neglected to ask him because Noah didn’t say anything.

Dan and Noah’s underwear seem to be a reoccurring theme in our household. On more than one occasion Noah has been out in public wearing both boxer shorts AND underwear. How did this happen? Noah often wears boxers as shorts when he sleeps. So when Dan asked him to dress himself, he did. And when Noah came back wearing regular shorts he just assumed that Noah followed directions. It’s 100+ degrees outside and my son is wear three layers of clothing because his father didn’t think it was necessary to “check his work.”

Is this a guy thing? Because honestly, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.