FozziTainment Blog

MUSIC REVIEW: MAROON 5 “MOVES LIKE JAGGER” and KARAOKE by Michael David Stewart

2012-01-21T02:13:00.000-08:00

Okay so I’m an old geezer who hasn’t listened to a lot of rock and pop music full time since 1970. Yeah, I’m an old “Classic Rocker” (although I’m sure most of my younger friends think of it as more “Fossil Rock”).

My eras were the 1950’s and 60’s. But once in a while a single song would come along and I’d be hooked.

Maroon 5’ “Moves Like Jagger” just seems to grab me and makes me want to dance (which would most likely end with me in and E.R. with more herniated discs!) I first heard the song in total on this past Tuesday’s episode of “GLEE” (I’m a GLEEK!, So what, ya wanna make something out of it?)

Downloaded the single the other day, and just found the music video which is brilliantly edited and it just moves. It’s one of those songs that is so infectious you want to dare yourself to give it a try on Karaoke Night. It’s a challenge and would be a surprise to everyone who knows me.

I used to perform (sing) when I was younger. I love it. Go away from it for a long time. After my heart attack five years ago, it was one of the first social experiments I tried and kept it up for a long time. I’d find a song, an old favorite from my performing days and download the lyrics then sit in my apartment with the words in front of me, my ear buds firmly in place, and crank up the old iTunes and rehearse.

Since I don’t drink, it was about the performance for me. And I’d challenge myself by picking songs I’d always wanted to try but never dared to. In fact the first night I decided to go do Karaoke I was terrified, kept thinking “What if I forget the lyrics?” And the little voice in the back of my head said, “You can’t forget the lyrics, stupid! It’s Karaoke!”

So I became accustomed and truly enjoyed Karaoke Night. But reader beware, there are pitfalls to Karaoke. In my case I’d rehearse a particular version of a song by

a specific artist, find it in the Karaoke book and discover the version they had on the computer was not what I’d rehearsed regardless of what was written in the book. It quickly became Karaoke Improvisation Night!

Eventually I had two songs in my vast repertoire that became very popular with the audiences. One is the classic Be-Bop ballad by the great Cab Calloway “Minnie The Moocher”. It always seemed to surprise the audiences (translation: inebriated bar patrons) and I could get them to sing along on the “Hi De Hi DE Hos”.

The other is “Rainbow Connection” from “The Muppet Movie”. And I would sing it in character as Kermit The Frog (even though my nickname is Fozzi-Story for another time). The first time I performed it was at Sardo’s Grille & Bar in Burbank on

Pornstar Karaoke Night (better known as PSK). When I began to sing, the crowd was pretty noisy, but then I began to notice that the conversation level was slowly diminishing almost to the point of silence.

My first reaction was to look around the room to see if some like Jenna Jameson had come in. But, nope, there was a bar full of pornstars and civilians actually
listening. When I finished, there was such an ovation I was embarrassed. As I returned to my table I was being high-fived, patted on the back, and getting hugs from Porn Chicks I didn’t even know. It was quite the night. Now, if I ever show up on PSK Night, I get asked if I’m going to sing it again. It’s very weird.

And I’m also up to taking a dare. One night a dear friend dared me to sing a particular song and I said I would. I think she wanted to see if I would really do it. So when my name was called I got up, grabbed the mic, and performed a version of “I Feel Pretty” from “West Side Story” that would have made Billy De Wolf proud (Google him!).

I mean, why not? Some of the best songs from Broadway were written for women. (I’ve always wanted to get up and do “You Can’t Get A Man With A Gun” from Irving Berlin’s “Annie Get Your Gun”. I think it’d be a hoot and a surprise).
So now I’m toying with the idea of getting back out there and doing Karaoke again, so who knows? We’ll see.

A PERSONAL POST-SCRIPT. RE: “HUGO” AND BEING AN ARTIST

2012-01-16T21:09:00.001-08:00

Martin Scorsese’s “HUGO” is the first film in a long time that genuinely moved me. Many of you know how difficult the last several years have been for me. Now I’m beginning to see a glimmer of light.

What I took away from “HUGO” was that an artist, no matter what their personal situation or age, should never give up on their dreams. Is it worth the trek along that road less traveled? Well, each journey is as individual to the artist taking it.

We can’t all be George Clooney, but then George (an old softball buddy) appeared first on his father’s show in 1968, then a decade later was an extra in “Centennial” before admittedly appearing in a litany of every “unsold pilot” that came down the pike, suffering through two seasons on “Facts of Life” and three seasons on “Roseanne” before landing “e.r.”.

There is no such thing as an over-night success. Every artist has to pay their dues and learn their craft. Sometimes the dues are costly and lengthy, as in my case. People who know me know the story, what I have had to endure.

I’ve been on the edge of success from time to time and am there again now. But how do we measure success? Personal success is the most difficult to master because it seems, at least in my case, that maybe I expected too much of myself. But I also believed I had to be a success in my chosen field, not necessarily to please others, although I fretted about disappointing my mother; who, although doesn’t fully understand show business (who really does), has been exceptionally supportive.

I worried about friends and family, too, letting them down. Not living up to their expectations, when it was my own expectations I was subconsciously feeling I wasn’t living up to. The belief in me offered by others, although genuine, only depressed me more and sometimes sounded hollow.

So no matter if you are an aspiring actor, writer, director, dancer, painter, novelist; whatever “label” falls collectively under the title ARTIST, stay the course. Yes, you’ll have doubts at times. You’ll feel isolated and alone from the rejection you’ll have to deal with, no matter how many friends and family are rooting for you. There will be those who will try to talk you out of your dream.

I have often referred to my writing as MY BLISS. Half the time, I surprise myself with what comes out on paper, or the computer screen, asking myself “where the hell did that come from?”.

My writing is my addiction and my solace. After my heart attack writing was my therapy and got me through. In my worst depressions, I could still write. The ideas just keep coming. At times, I can have two or three projects going simultaneously. It just keeps coming.

There is an adage that says “A boy’s best friend is his mother”. That is certainly true in my case. My mother is still with us and my greatest wish is that she stays around long enough to see me succeed in either a small or large way. My parents both loved and respected The Arts and I firmly believe that augmented whatever talent I possess.

So how does this relate to “HUGO”, you ask? Sir Ben Kingsley portrays pioneer film maker Georges Melies who was not recognized for his enormous contributions to the cinematic arts until 1931 when he was awarded France’s Legion of Honor. Eventually the artist is recognized, by audiences, by their peers. Remember all the impressionist artists who were never recognized during their lifetimes. So there is hope for us all yet. Some sooner, some later, but eventually. All we can do is what we have chosen to do and do it to the very best of our abilities and never stop learning.

Michael David Stewart

1/16/2012

Los Angeles, CA

MOVIE REVIEW: “HUGO”

2012-01-16T18:13:00.001-08:00

Martin Scorsese (Image via RottenTomatoes.com) MOVIE REVIEW: “HUGO” (3D). DIRECTED BY MARTIN SCORSESE.WRITTEN BY JOHN LOGAN BASED ON THE BOOK THEINVENTION OF HUGO CABRET BY BRIAN SELZNIK STARRING SIR BEN KINGSLEY, ASA BUTTERFIELD, CHLOË GRACE MORETZ , CHRISTOPHER LEE, SACHA BARON COHEN, EMILY MORTIMER, HELEN MCCRORY, MICHAEL STUHLBARG, RAY WINSTONE AND JUDE LAW. CINEMATOGRAPHY BY ROBERT RICHARDSON.

Golden Globe recipient MARTIN SCORSESE’S“HUGO”, goes far beyond the story of young Hugo Cabret, portrayed brilliantly and heartfelt by ASA BUTTERFIELD (The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas) and French pioneer film maker Georges Méliès, played with equally striking depth by SIR BEN KINGSLEY, but also speaks to what cinema used to be, and, to some degree of what they still are for the most part: magic, wonder, awe, adventure, and most importantly story telling.

“HUGO” tells the story of the orphan Hugo Cabret who secretly lives in the Paris train station maintaining all the clocks while he tries to repair an automaton his late father (JUDE LAW), a watch and clock maker, discovered abandoned in the attic of a museum.The sophisticated device, unlike any Hugo’s father had seen before, was designed to write.

After the death of his father Hugo is taken in by his drunkard of an uncle Claude (RAY WINSTONE) who maintains the clocks in the Paris train station. The rusted and neglected automaton is one of two of Hugo’s possessions and links to his father who also passed down his passion and talent for fixing things, as well as surviving and eluding the train station agent (SACHA BARON COHEN).

In his attempt to repair the automaton, Hugo is forced to steal clockwork parts and tools, including stealing and being caught by a sad, embittered and forgotten Méliès who runs a toy concession in the train station. Upon catching Hugo, Méliès forces the boy to empty his pockets, discovering Hugo’s father’s notebook. The notebook contains notes, sketches, and even a “flip book” animation of the automaton. Méliès is enraged when he discovers the notebook, claiming it’s his, confiscating it and telling Hugo he intends to burn it.

Hugo is terrified by the thought of losing his most prized connection to his father, but relinquishes the note book. But he later learns from Méliès’ enchanting Goddaughter Isabelle (CHLOËGRACE MORETZ), who is an avid reader and budding adventuress, that “Papa Georges” still has Hugo’s notebook, which caused him great grief. Eventually Hugo and Méliès make a pact: Hugo will work in the concession until he “works off” what he stole and perhaps Méliès will return the notebook.

And therein lies the mystery that is part of the heart of the film. Hugo is seeking to repair the automaton for he believes his father left him a secret message. What the automaton reveals leads Hugo and Isabelle to the mystery of Papa Georges. The mystery of Papa Georges leads them to the magic, wonder, awe, and adventure of the early days of cinema and the pioneering filmmaking of Georges Méliès.

ROBERT RICHARSON’s cinematography brings vibrant and vivid life to DANTE FARETTI’s production design to both the reality of Hugo’s world as well as the world of fantasy created by Méliès. The 3Dbrings equal beauty and depth to these worlds and well worth the higher ticket price.

Before the advent of the blockbuster,early cinema were simple films of scenes of everyday life until film makers figured out they could tell stories as Thomas Edison did with “The Great Train Robbery” in the United States, William Friese-Greene in England, and Louis and Antione Lumiere in France.

And then there was Georges Méliès,a successful and prosperous stage magician, and his wife-assistant Jeanne (HELENMCCRORY) who inadvertently discovered the then novel medium of the Lumiere Cinematographe.Méliès gambled everything he owned to build his studio and created new magic in the medium with his astounding special effects.

In the film, after World War I,he felt the men returning home had seen such brutal reality; his innovative,fanciful films would go unappreciated. In despair he burned all of his sets and costumes and left the studio to fall into ruin.

Méliès produced 500 films and is regarded as "The Father of Special Effects” developing techniques as stop-motion photography, the use of fade in and fade out, was the first film maker to use production sketches and storyboards, all still in use to this day, and was eventually awarded the Legion of Honor in 1931.

Many critics have called “HUGO”Scorsese’s love letter to cinema, which it is but also a continuing crusade for the importance to film restoration and preservation. Cinema is an art form unlike any other, for no matter who is behind the camera directing, hundreds of artisans, from prop and wardrobe designers, set builders, painters, grips,gaffers, production designers and art directors, special effects and make-up personnel,writers, stunt people, background actors, supporting players, and “The Stars”are all equally important to make the audience’s experience “real” in the cinema worlds they inhabit.

Fozzi Film Scale 5 out of 5.

DVD REVIEW: "RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

2012-01-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. DIRECTED BY RUPERT WYATT.
STARRING JAMES FRANCO, FREIDA PINTO, JOHN LITHGOW, BRIAN COX
TOM FELTON AND ANDY SERKIS AS “CAESAR”.

For those of you who are as old as I am and remember the original “Planet of the Apes” (1968; screenplay by Michael Wilson and the Immortal Rod Serling, based on Pierre Boulle’s ingenious and inventive novel and directed by Franklin J. Schaffner who also directed “Patton”), then “Rise” is the perfect prequel.

James Franco’s “Will Rodman” is a scientist attempting to develop a cure for Alzheimer’s from which his father, played by John Lithgow, suffers. His base structure for the cure is a man-made virus which they are experimenting on chimpanzees with.

The effect it has on the primates, however, increases their intelligence levels by literally growing new brain cells which replace the damaged ones, forming bridges in the brain. Franco wants to move on to human trials and Jacobs (played by David Oyelowo) at first refuses until Franco tells him he has given the drug to his father who recovered over night. Jacobs agrees to set up a meeting with investors and demonstrate the drug.

When the female primate is chosen for the demonstration it gets loose from its handlers and attacks them, the CEO of the company falsely believes all the primates are infected and orders their extermination. What Franco discovers is that the female primate chosen to demonstrate the new drug to investors was, in reality, trying to protect its infant chimpanzee.

Franco secretly sneaks the baby chimpanzee home and raises it, his father; quoting Shakespeare; naming him Caesar. Franco realizes that the healing and intelligence raising attributes of the drug were genetically passed on to Caesar causing him to develop intellectually. Also, to his dismay, he discovers the drugs effects on his father are temporary, his immune system creating antibodies that fight off the virus and his decline increases, ultimately bringing on his demise faster.

Franco, still determined to "fix" the cure convinces his boss he needs to develop a stronger virus strain. He is given the green light for the new experimentation. The new drug however still makes the primates more intelligent in its aerosol form and, unknowingly, fatal to humans.

The writers, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, have woven images from the original film expertly into the screenplay so there are a number of visuals that set up the original film, making “Rise” dovetail neatly into the POTA mythos. A number of the classic elements are subtly, almost subliminally, explained.

The two highlights of the film are what I call “The Battle of the Golden Gate Bridge” which nicely sets up Caesar as the “leader of the pack”. The other is actor Andy Serkis’ Performance Capture portrayal of Caesar trapped between the human and primate worlds.

Performance (or motion) Capture is the brilliant special effects technology which allows an actor to physically perform and create his character, which is them “captured” in a computer and whatever creature is required for the film is created around the actor’s nuanced performance.

Serkis is no stranger to this process. Look at his portrayals of “Gollum” (which he is reprising in “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey) and especially his portrayal of “King Kong” in director Peter Jackson’s brilliant remake. And, of course James Cameron’s ground breaking use of PerfCap in “Avatar”, as well as the PerfCap work done by director Robert Zemekis.

The controversy with the Motion Picture Academy seems to be that these computer enhanced performances are not actual acting. Personally, I disagree. The actor’s performance is literally captured; each body movement and, through the technology developed by Cameron, facial nuance is downloaded into the computer and the character built around the actor’s performance. This allows an actor like Serkis (wearing PerfCap suits and cameras to capture their facial expressions) to interact with other actors like he did with Franco in “Rise” or Zoe Saladana and Sam Worthington in “Avatar” . What the audience sees on the screen is the actor’s true, actual performance that isn’t manipulated by computer.

I predict that within the next couple of years there will be a “Best Performance By An Actor-Motion Capture” category at a not too distant future Academy Awards show. Hell, there should be on this year.

Back to “Rise”. Serkis’s portrayal is the heart and soul of “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”. You feel his conflict, anger, love and understand his ultimate decision. So props to Andy Serkis.

I recommend “Rise” if you missed it in theaters and since we mere humans prefer a “scale” to go by
I give “Rise” a solid 5 out of 5 on the Fozzi Film Scale.

Michael “Fozzi” Stewart
1/15/12
Los Angeles

THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS CONCERT-1960’S-ST.LOUIS

2011-08-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

Although the exact date eludes me, it was probably the mid-1960’s in St. Louis. The venue was Kiel Auditorium. For some reason I recall it was fall, but I could be wrong there. My research turned up nothing to confirm the date.

In those days I would hang out at KXOK Radio on South Kingshighway. It was the number one Top 40 radio station at the time. I’d take the bus (yes, I took buses before I was able to drive) down to the station. This was not unusual practice for me, the local radio and TV stations fascinated me because they were the closest to show business I could get. Occasionally I would manage to talk my way backstage at the American Theatre once in a while.

At KXOK I had made friends with the morning DJ Mart Crowley. He was wild and irreverent and had an act not dissimilar to that of Jonathan Winters. Mart had an array of characters like Edna St. Louis Missouri, the poet laurite of St. Louis. He also had small sound effects door in the studio which he would use to into and outro his characters.

The Mamas and Papas were coming to Kiel on tour and I had bought a ticket. The night of the concert I went inside and was dismayed at the distant location of my seat and went out to the stage entrance hoping to run into Mart before he went in.

Sure enough I ran into Mart as he was arriving, greeting me, asking if I had a ticket for the concert. I showed it to him and told him my seat was high up in the nose bleed section. Mart said, “Follow me” and we entered through the artist’s entrance...

As we entered Mart pasted through without a problem. As I followed all the security staff started to approach me until Mart said, “He’s with me,” and they backed off. Mart turned to me and handed me his briefcase. “Might as well earn your keep,” and we started up the back steps.

As we went up stairs we could hear the Mamas and Papas warming up, A Cappella; it was the clearest, cleanest sounds I’d ever heard. What you need to understand is that the backstage superstructure of Kiel Auditorium was thick concrete, so to experience that kind of fidelity was magical, that’s how good The Mamas and The Papas were.

We got backstage and I held Mart’s briefcase as he opened it and took out a tube of make- up and a plastic flower (it was the era of Flower Power). He told me to watch from the wings so I stepped into the stage right wing area. There was a small couch and a cigarette machine, more like a waiting room.

Mart was introduced and he walked out to center stage to an enthusiastic audience. He did some comedy bits, warming up the audience. I stood and watched, then sensed I wasn’t alone and turned around to find John Phillips, Mink hat and all, standing behind me. Next to him was Denny Daugherty, whose eyes seemed to match the bright pink of his psychedelic tie, Cass Elliot in her iconic Mumu, and Michelle Phillips, wearing tight striped jeans, white pull over blouse, with her straight blond hair and piercing blue eyes; the adolescent fantasy of the California Girl.

I stood there dumbstruck staring at them, mumbling hellos, etc. Their opening act finishing their set on stage. Finally, just a minute before they were announced John suddenly said “Shit! I left my cigarettes in the dressing room.” I immediately ran to the cigarette machine in the wings jamming quarters into the machine and calling out “What brand?” “Marlboro,” was the reply and I pulled the handle just as Mart announced them. The pack of cigarettes dropped into the machine. I grabbed it, ripped open the top of the pack and tossed it across the room.

Like in a movie, the pack seemed to spiral end-over-end...the cigarettes flying out of the pack onto the floor. So there I was, with The Mamas and The Papas, on the floor, picking up the cigarettes and handing them to whoever was closest as they headed out on stage.

I watched the rest of the concert from the wings and it was one of their best.

ENCOUNTERING PEARL BAILEY

2011-08-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia
Forest Park in St. Louis was the sight of the 1904 “Louisiana Purchase Exhibition” which became the back drop of the MGM classic Judy Garland musical “Meet Me in St. Louis” which eventually spawned a stage musical of the same name.

Many of the buildings and structures from the 1904 World’s Fair survived in the form of the St. Louis Art Museum, The Pavilion, the Jefferson Memorial and the lake, canals and lagoons for boating. According to the Municipal Opera’s (Or the Muny as it has become known) website, public demand for an outdoor theatre began in 1917 and construction began on April 16th and was completed in 49 days. The first production was Verdi’s opera AIDA and opened on June 2nd.

In honor of The Muny's 50th season, Pearl Bailey and Cab Calloway brought the entire cast of Broadway’s African-American production of Hello, Dolly! to The Muny. The pair made return appearances in the roles of Dolly Levi and Horace Vandergelder in 1971.

For those of you who are too young to remember Pearl Mae Bailey, she was one of the premiere female vocalists of the 1940’s and 1950’s, beginning her career at age 15 appearing in night clubs and theaters also performing with the Count Basie Orchestra and other contemporaries as Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, Nat King Cole, and Duke Ellington, as well as appearing in motion pictures.

She also married the great drummer and band leader Louis Bellson in 1952. She was considered to be , in today’s parlance, a superstar. She was appointed a goodwill ambassador to the United Nations by President Herald Ford in 1975. At age 67 she enrolled in Georgetown University earning a bachelor’s degree in theology. She was equally adored by the public and her show business peers making frequent appearances of the top variety shows of the era.

I was privileged to be in the audience for that 50th Anniversary performance. I was dating a young lady who was the daughter of the official Muny’s men hair stylist, so we had pretty good seats. It was a fun and spirited performance. During the “Hello, Dolly” production number she stopped the show in the middle of the song, walked down to the conductor in the orchestra pit and announced in her inimitable style “ Honey. I like that number so much, we’re gonna do it again” and went back up the stairs and started it all over again to the joy of the 11,000 audience members.

At the end of the show there was a 30 minute encore. Pearl several of her best known songs and the amazing Can Calloway performed his signature song “Minnie The Moocher” to the cheers and delight of all.
A sidebar for those of you unfamiliar with the Muny stage. Its enormous boast a 40 foot diameter turntable at its center. This feature allowed the gigantic sets to be moved from act to act with great ease and only added to the performance. The running joke about the Muny stage was that it was so big an actor had to start to make his move five minutes before his cue so they could hit their mark on time.

My tradition was a late dinner after the performance at the Hunt Room at the Chase Park Plaza Hotel, which was located on Kingshighway and Lindell, just outside the Northeast corner of the park. The Chase was always where celebrities who were performing in St. Louis, whether it was the Muny or the American Theater, always stayed, so it was no great surprise to run into them there.

This particular night we took a booth in the back corner. As we waited to be served, suddenly Pearl Bailey and a small “entourage” (it turned out to be her manager and family members) entered and took a table next to ours on the far side of a sort of partition; a short wall topped off with posts; which didn’t allow for a great deal of privacy.

After we ordered, I persuaded my date to approach Miss Bailey and tell her how much we had enjoyed the show. We got up and went over to her table and waited silently for she was in a conversation with, who we would learn later, was her manager. We waited quietly, hoping for a lull in her conversation so we could quickly jump in.

She eventually looked up at us and said, “Honey, I’m talking to my manager. If y’all give me a minute I’ll come over to your table.” That caught us off-guard, but I collected myself quickly and replied “We just wanted to come over and tell you we just saw the show and wanted to tell you how much we enjoyed it.” She thanked us and then excused ourselves and returned to our table.

Now we had approached her quietly, politely, and with respect. Our order came and we watched Miss Bailey while we ate. During the interval from our returning to our table and the time we left, Miss Bailey was approached by several other people, some asking for autographs (which she refused), almost all of them interrupting her, discourteously, and being turned away.

The worst “intruder” of the evening was a tallish man who managed to spot Miss Bailey from the entrance to the restaurant (which wasn’t easy because she was sitting with her back to the entrance), and calling her name out loudly across the room. Now The Hunt Room was not that large a room to begin with so you can imagine how this loud mouth’s voice carried.

As I recall, he barged through the restaurant directly to Miss Bailey’s table and pulled out a dollar bill, demanding an autograph, which she politely but firmly, and repeatedly refused. I honestly can’t remember how they finally got rid of him, but her finally left.

My date and I had finished our meal and patiently waited to see if Miss Bailey would, indeed, join us, still seeing people intruding on her the entire time, rather inconsiderably in my opinion. We had finally decided to leave when Miss Bailey suddenly looked up and saw us. She grabbed a paper place mat, signed it and handed it to a young man who brought it over to us. S he handed it to me he said, “My mom asked me to give this to you.” Somewhat in shock, we thanked him and he returned to rejoin his mother.

As we get up to leave, we went back to Miss Bailey’s table, thanked her, told he we hoped she would have a good run with the show while she was in town, and we left.

Now you have to know, we were the only people who had approached her that evening, just to thank her for an entertaining evening and at no time had asked her for an autograph…and ended up with one and everyone who had interrupted her asking for one, didn’t get one. There’s a lot to be said for common courtesy.
Fast forward to the mid-1970’s. I’m now working as a messenger driver in Los Angeles. One of our biggest clients is ABC Television. Everything from running scripts for “General Hospital” writers and actors to the corporate offices which were then in Century City (Pre-Pre Disney ownership).

On this particular day I get a call for a run from ABC Studios on Prospect to Richard Dawson’s house in Beverly Hills. I get to Mr. Dawson’s house, with instructions to put the envelope in his hand. I get to his house, ring the bell, no answer. I ring it again. No answer, I use the door knocker. No answer. I’m about to go back to my car and call in for instructions when the door finally opens and I’m confronted with a very tanned Richard Dawson wearing nothing but a bath towel.

As he signs for the envelope he explains he had literally just returned from Hawaii and had been in the shower and apologized for taking so long to answer the door, We got into a very nice conversation when he told me they were shooting a celebrity “Love Boat” version of Family Feud and asked if I’d like to be his guest. I told him that I would enjoy that very much and he said he’d put my name on the guest list, then tipped me a dollar (only one other person ever tipped me for a delivery and that was Dolly Martin, Dick Martin of Rowan and Martin’s wife; interesting enough they were both British).

I invited my friend Sue Barrano to go with me, I think she was working as the receptionist at Electra Records at the time. I told her I wasn’t sure how this was going to go and if my name wasn’t on the list, it was no big deal.

We get to the ABC Prospect studio and parked in the main lot where there was a herd of tourist buses already parked. I went up to the security desk and gave one of the pages my name. It wasn’t on the list. When asked who invited me, I told them the truth and said it was no big deal. Suddenly the four pages burst into a flurry of activity, making phone calls, running to the studio, generally running amok. I was prepared to leave.

Then one of the pages hung up the phone and said, “Come with me, please.” And he led Sue and I to the V.I.P. bench, ahead of all the tourists still waiting by the gate. When the time came to go into the studio, the few of us who were in the V.I.P. area where escorted in first.

We took our seats and when the show started I was surprised to find that Pearl Bailey was one of the guest stars that night. The taping was fun and hilarious and as soon as the show ended I told Sue I’d meet her outside and ran up the aisle.

Being familiar with ABC lot, I knew that directly to the right of the stage entrance was the performer’s entrance. I burst out of the doors and headed for the performer’s entrance just un time to run into Miss Bailey. As I started to introduce myself she paused and looked at me, interrupting me.

“Oh, yeah, honey...St. Louis. Hello, Dolly. How’ve ya been?” Flabbergasted, I muttered some kind of response. “It was good to see you, but I’ve got to go. Y’all take care”, and she got into her limousine and drove away.

This is why she was the Good Will Ambassador to the U.N.

ENCOUNTERING CLOONEY, SOFTBALL, VICTORIA BURROWS, AND FAMOUS PLAYERS.

2011-08-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Back around 1980, my friend Beth Brown, a production accountant, invited me to a softball game. This game was held

at a public ballpark off Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica. This was my first introduction to Victoria Burrows. If the name sounds familiar, Vic is a casting director. At the time she was working for TV series mogul Stephen J. Cannell.

Vic worked on such TV shows at The A Team, 21 Jump Street, Wiseguy, MacGyver, Tales From the Crypt and films “The Frighteners”, “The Lord of the Rings Trilogy”, “King Kong”, “Castaway”, “Contact”. Finding talent for directors Robert Zemeckis, Peter Jackson, Russell Mulcahy. In 1993 I had the pleasure of auditioning for her for a small part on “Diagnosis Murder”

Back in the early 1980's we would play softball every two weeks and the roster of celebrity players was impressive. Players included George Clooney (he was doing a Cannell series entitled “Sunset Heat”, the late Cleavon Little (Blazing Saddles), Terry Kizer (Vic Hitler the narcoleptic comedian from “Hill Street Blues”), Susan Blakely, Tea Leoni, Jay Acovone (Beauty and the Beast,Stargate SG-1), Michael Cole (The Mod Squad), CCH Pounder (The Shield), Steve Valentine (Crossing Jordan), Joanna Cassidy (Blade Runner, Ron Perlman (Beauty and the Beast, Hellboy, Sons of Anarchy). And the list goes on.

As Vic’s renown increased, the games eventually decreased to once a month with the big game of the year happening in August for her birthday. She teamed up with Jay Acovone who’s birthday is a couple of days after Vic’s. The games were held on Diamond Number 5 at Rancho Park, just a block south of 20^th Century Fox Studios. During one game the combined guest list numbered between 400-500 people over the course of the day.

My job was to organize these pick up games and keep score. I was always amazed at some of the names I would find on the sign up sheets. Steven Williams (The X Files), Mickey Roarke, Bobby Dicicco, Scott Colomby, Joey Gian, Brian Thompson, Linda Hamilton, Robert Davi, Marshall Teague.

In 1989, during the cake presentation, Vic and Jay called me to join them. I was presented with a plaque that read: TO MICHAEL STEWART OUR HONORARY SOFTBALL MADNESS MANAGER. THANKS FOR OVER TEN YEARS OF DEDICATED PLAY TIME. She autographed and dated it. On August 14, 2004 on the 25^th anniversary of the softball games, she autographed it again.

* *

TEA LEONI

In August 1988, as the first two

teams were warming up, I noticed a slim, short haired blonde in grey sweat pants and a white “wife beater” T-shirt in center field. As I called the teams, I found the name Tea Leoni on the sign up sheet. I had been reading about “Charlie’s Angels ’89" which she was to be one of the stars. All the publicity photos showed her with co-stars Claire Yarlett, Sandra Channing, Karen Kopins all with long flowing hairstyles.

As I called her name, this blonde sprite ran over and hopped up next to me in response. I looked at her short cropped hair and said,” Have the producers seen your new do?” “I just had it cut yesterday,” she replied. She took a moment, ran her hand through her hair and asked “You think it’ll be a problem?” That was my introduction to Tea Leoni.

RON PERLMAN:

Before there was a little thing called the Internet, the only buzz about a new TV show or movie came to us through the archaic system known as magazines. The series “Beauty and the Beast” was in production for its first season and all the information about it was coming to the public through STARLOG Magazine. I had been familiar with Ron Perlman’s career with his work in films such as “Quest For Fire” and “The Name of the Rose”. So the first year that Jay Acovone joined forces with Victoria for the annual birthday games, Ron was joining us.

I’m standing out on the field I suddenly see Ron crossing the field. This was our exchange.

“Hey, Ron. How’s it going?”

“Good, man.”

“How’s the show going?”

“Great.”

“How ugly are you in this

one?”

And without missing a beat:

“Four hours worth.”

Ron has become a special acquaintance over the years. In 2006, when I was working in the adult film industry we had a small stage we would use and occasionally lease out to other productions which my then roommate was the stage manager called me and said “You’re buddy’s here.” “What’re you talking about?”

“Ron Perlman’s here shooting a movie.” “I’ll be right there.”

Our apartment was ten minutes away. I got to the stage and went into the production office and asked my roommate where they were. “He’s in the green room with Jason Alexander and Rob Estes.” I go to the door of the green room and knock. Someone said “Come in”. I open the door and there’s Ron seated directly across from the door.

Out of the corner of my eye I catch sight of Jason Alexander and Rob Estes, who I had no interest in meeting, and crossed to Ron who stood up and shook my hand. “What’re you doing here, man?” he asked? “My roommate’s the stage manager’s my roommate and called and told me you were here so I came by to say hi.” “That was nice of you, man.” We spoke for a few more moments then I excused myself and left without acknowledging Alexander or Estes, sensing their stares as I left. I can only imagine what the conversation was after I left.

When my Godson was nine the Hellboy DVD: Director’s Cut came out and I got it for him for Christmas. Then an idea struck me and I called Jay Acovone, asking if there might be a chance that Ron might autograph the DVD for my Godson. Jay said he’d get back to me.

Now I had no idea that Ron lives in New York. I thought he lived here in Los Angeles. Jay called me back a few minutes later. “Man are you in luck. Ron’s going to be in town tomorrow for one day on business!” We made a hasty plan to meet in a restaurant parking lot, things went a bit sideways, but I met up with Jay, literally handing him the DVD, Sharpie, and the note of what I wanted Ron to write, without stopping the car. A few hours later Jay called up “Man, is this going to blow his mind.”

Come Christmas Day I handed my Godson his gift. He ripped off the wrapping paper and he looked at the writing. “To Zach, Best Wishes, Hellboy, Ron Perlman.” Scored some major Godfather points with that one.

GEORGE CLOONEY

Everything you have heard or read about how personable and approachable George Clooney is is true. I first met George

in the early 1980's when Victoria was the casting director on “Sunset Heat a self-admitted crappy cop show”, in which George played an undercover, motorcycling riding cop. So he’d show up to the games on his motorcycle and long hair. I can’t recall if he ever actually played, but he’d come and hang out and spend the day like and average guy. This was long before he came to fame and had done , by his own admission, so many bad, failed pilots and TV series he has a very generous attitude towards other artists and respects his fans and despises the paparazzi for their intrusive ways.

But I have never seen him turn down a polite fan request or an intelligent question from the press and I sympathize with his stance that if he is appearing at a premiere or benefit or something directly connected to his work, he is happy to pose for photographers-he understands that is part of his “job” as a celebrity. But when he is doing things in his private life, whether it be on a date, running errands, or what have you that is not “job” related, it doesn’t give the paparazzi license to intrude on him or the people he might be with.

One Christmas time I had just optioned a screenplay and was down on Melrose in a store called “The Last Wound Up” which sells, obviously, windup toys. I was walking the front door when I literally ran into George. He was genuinely glad to see me and asked what I had been up to and told him about the option. He seemed more happy about it than I seemed to be. We stood in the door way for about ten minutes chatting and then he had to leave, wishing me a Happy Holiday. Needless to say everyone in the store had been staring at the two of us trying to figure out who the hell I was and how I rated a conversation with George, although no one asked me.

I confess I love moments like that.

ENCOUNTERING RICHARD DONNER

2011-08-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

In March of 1974 I was living back in St. Louis, MO working as a salesman at a well known clothing store, Boyd’s, in downtown Clayton. I don’t recall how I found out, but I learned Universal Studios was shooting locations for a television pilot entitled “Lucas Tanner”. It starred David Hartman (later the original host of ANC’s “Good Morning America”).

I called Universal Studios long distance (in those days phone calls to studios weren’t as stringently screened) and under some pretext discovered the cast and crew were staying at the Stouffer’s River Front Inn. I got up very early and arrived at the hotel about four in the morning and basically “staked out” the lobby.

I ended up sitting with an older gentleman who, it turned out, was a member of the crew. He started telling me about his career. Turns out, her had worked on “Gone with the Wind”.

“You know the scene of the burning of Atlanta? The scene where Gable and Vivien Leigh are riding through the train yard?”

“Yes,” I replied.

”You know what they burned for that scene?”

“No.”

“That was the wall from King Kong,” he said.

A few moments later I spied David Hartman entering the lobby. I asked the crewman where they were going to be shooting and he said a house out in Webster Groves. He didn’t have the address but suggested I just follow them, which I did.

Webster Groves is an upper-middle class neighborhood south of Clayton that became invaded by the Universal film studio. The house they were using was doubling for David Hartman’s character’s house. The scene involved Hartman and his young neighbor played by child actor Robbie Rist. The man behind the camera was Richard Donner, a veteran television director (Classic series such as WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE starring Steve McQueen, HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL starring Richard Boone, and several classic episodes of THE TWILGHT ZONE including “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” with William Shatner and many more) at that time as well as a few movies under his belt. (X-15 with Charles Bronson and Mary Tyler Moore, SALT AND PEPPER with Sammy Davis, Jr, and LOLA with Charles Bronson, Honor Blackman, and Susan George.

Donner and Hartman had worked together before on several episodes of NBC’s THE BOLD ONES: THE NEW DOCTORS. The process of shooting a television series or a movie was alien to me although I was enraptured with the whole experience. The production trucks crowded the neighborhood streets as did many neighbors, news crews, and by-standers. I must have asked someone on the crew who various people were and one of them pointed out the writer Jerry McNeely, the writer.

I approached Mr. McNeely and convinced him to let me “interview” him. I put “interview” in quotes for it was more of a long conversation. I remember asking him why he had set the story in Webster Groves. He told me that his wife was from Webster Groves and had been a teacher.

The basic story of the “Lucas Tanner” pilot was that Tanner had been a pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals and a wild pitch had hit a batter in the head (before batting helmets became a staple of the game) and the batter had died. Tanner quite major league baseball and turned to teaching and coaching high school baseball. The incident haunts Tanner and the death of a student raises rumors that negligence of a teacher caused the student’s demise. Mr. McNeely was quite patient, kind and generous with me. I questioned him about the writing process.

After spending the morning in Webster Groves the company moves to Busch Stadium. Dick had been quite kind and generous with me as well, with his booming baritone voice and allowed me to tag along. Soon I found myself standing in right field with Donner, Hartman, Rist, and the ingénue Kathleen Quinlan. She was a stunning (and still is) young woman, very much a free spirit at the time. As we stood there she suddenly took off running/skipping around the bases, then returning to join us.

Finally, Dick’s voice boomed out from the somewhere in the seats and told me, apologetically, that since I wasn’t part of the production, I would have to leave. I thanked him and David Hartman for allowing me to join them, said my good-byes to Robbie Rist and Kathleen Quinlan and crossed the field and left.

As I got outside, I passed (what I would learn many years later was) the grip truck where camera and lighting equipment are stored. As I passed behind it I heard Dick’s voice call out, “If you’re in L.A., look me up. I’m at Universal”. Again I thanked him and drove home.

About six months later, I found myself in Los Angeles with the notion of becoming an actor, living on Sunset Blvd across from the Comedy Store and the Hyatt House Hotel. I went so far as to have headshots and photos taken, which I put in a red plastic three-ring binder (I knew nothing about the proper procedures of getting work as an actor), and had little or no acting resume’ to speak of.

Even with Rick’s open invitation, it took me almost six months for me to get up the nerve to call Universal, figuring he would have long forgotten me. When I finally did call, the switchboard immediately put me through to his office and his assistant listened patiently to my story of our meeting and that I wanted to drop off my photos. She set it up for me to do so and the next day I found myself at “The Tower”, which was the nickname given to high rise executive office building by the main gate.

I was certain there would be no pass for me; so needless to say; I was surprised when I announced myself and the guard handed me my “walk-on” pass and was given directions to Dick’s office. His office was located in the newly constructed, modern office buildings built to the right side of the main gate. (These same buildings were later used in the original “Battlestar Galactica” as Caprica).

I went to his office and presented myself to his assistant and chatted (nervously, I’m sure) for a bit and gave her my photos and prepared to leave. “Dick’s down on stage 23. He’s shooting Kojak. Why don’t you stop by and say hi?” I explained I hardly knew him and didn’t want to intrude or bother him, but she insisted it would be alright. I left the office trying to decide what to do.

When I got outside, I found myself standing across from the Universal commissary. I looked around, certain security would be coming after me to escort me off the lot, but to my surprise, no one was. I looked around again, thought, “Well…as long as I’m here…” and started off down the main road. As I walked I passed Alfred Hitchcock’s office and others. I was in awe. I passed Stage 28, which had a painting of Lon Chaney, Sr. as the Phantom of the Opera on the side of it.

(This is the same sound stage used for the 1925 silent classic, and best version, of Gaston Leroux’s THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA as well as 1931’s DRACULA with Bela Lugosi, 1935’s BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN, and Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960 classic PSYCHO, among others.)

I found Stage 23 and saw the flashing red light going over the stage door. I knew that when that light was on, you don’t enter. I got this information from watching “Bracken’s World”. There was another man waiting and I joined him and waited. Finally the red light went off and we entered. I was extremely nervous, not knowing if Dick would remember me or if some guard would boot me out.

I stepped into the darkness of the sound stage. The first thing that caught my eye was a Winnebago parked to the right, to the left was a large group of people, like a gallery, sitting and watching what was going on. There was Dick talking with Telly Savalas and another actor (Allan Feinstein) dressed in a fencing instructor’s outfit. I did my best to blend into the shadows as they reset the cameras and Dick called for another take.

As they were shooting the scene I noticed Telly was doing something unusual. He had his right hand cupped and seemed to be glancing occasionally at what he was holding, which I learned later, was his script. (This is called “Cheating a scene” – referring to one’s script when it’s outside the camera’s frame. It’s a technique I’ve used on many an occasion myself. If you’re going to steal, steal from a master). Dick called cut and Telly turned and went over to the people in the “gallery”. (Someone told me they were Telly’s relatives, as to how many were actually related to him is anybody’s guess. Evidently anyone who claimed to be a relative of Telly’s were always welcome to visit the set).

I started to approach Dick when David Hartman, who was shooting Lucas Tanner on the next stage over, came in and started talking with him. I backed away, waiting for a lag in the conversation to say hello to Dick. Finally one came and I approached them. I was surprised when Dick turned and recognized me and greeted me warmly, as did David Hartman. We chatted for a bit and then Dick had to return to work. He invited me to stay but feeling uncomfortable I politely declined.

A few weeks later Dick was directing episodes of a series for CBS entitled SENIOR YEAR, based on the pilot SONS AND DAUGHTERS which Dick directed as well. The show starred Glynis O’Connor, Gary Frank, and Scott Colomby. The interiors were shot off the Universal lot at Las Palmas studios in Hollywood. (This is the same lot where Robert Altman shot that amazing opening sequence for” The Player” and where George Burns had his offices)

I was working at National Screen Service at the time, a company I had worked at in St. Louis. Back in the day, studios outsourced the shipping of publicity materials (movie posters, lobby cards, black-&-white stills, movie trailers, radio spots, newspaper ads) to theaters. I would call Dick’s office at Universal and find out if Dick was working and where he was shooting. His assistant would tell me and when I got off work at 4:30, I’d head for the set.

I also looked up Dick’s films and during my lunch hour I would go into the stacks and look for posters or whatever I could find. I used to wear cowboy boots and if I found anything from any of Dick’s movies I’d hide them in my boots and sneak them out. (Since he’d only done three films at that point in time, which weren’t being played in theaters, I supposed no one would miss them). Anyway, I would drive up to Las Palmas studios, explain to the guard I was a friend of Dick’s and he’d pass me through. After a while, the guard got to know me so well, he’d just wave me onto the lot and tell me where I could park.

So I would go onto the stage and watch Dick work. The center piece of the stage was a full scale set of a 1950’s drive in restaurant. All the other interior sets were built along the perimeter of the stage. I would hang back, stay out of the way and try not to trip over the cables. When there was a break in the action I would say hello to Dick, Glynis, Scott, and the other actors, then step out of the way and continue to watch them work.

When they broke for dinner, I felt that was my cue to leave, but Dick would stop me and invite me to stay, standing behind me in line, in case anyone objected. Basically Universal Studios fed me for about six months.

At some point, I had gotten Dick’s home phone number and called him, telling him I had some posters for him. He said I should bring them up to his house. He lived (and as far as I know, still lives) in a house off Sunset Plaza Drive which is North of Sunset Boulevard facing South. From his front yard, on a clear day, he has a 180 degree, panoramic view of Los Angeles from East L.A. to the ocean.

For those of you who have seen LETHAL WEAPON there is a scene where Mel Gibson and Danny Glover drive up to a gated house looking for a drug dealer. The gate opens and a girl on a moped drives out. Gibson and Glover proceed to enter the property, get into a gunfight with the drug dealer who falls into the pool getting entangled in the plastic pool cover and drowning. When I saw this sequence in the theater, I started laughing. My roommate wanted to know what I was laughing at. I pointed at the screen and said “That’s Dick’s house”.

I encountered Dick a few other times over the years after. In June 1976 I was living back in St. Louis. 20^th Century Fox pulled off one of the best sneak preview stunts ever devised. They held a nation-wide sneak preview of “The Omen” on June 6^th at six PM. (666 the number of the beast). Now I was going simply because Dick had directed it. The Warrenburg Theater was packed, sold-out full house, and again this was before the Internet, blogging, and electronic medium other than radio and television.

The film was made for 2.7 million dollars and grossed a whopping 60 million domestically. October of 1976 I was back in Los Angeles and working for a friend’s production company. We had a suspense-thriller script and we were looking for a director and I suggested Dick. My boss didn’t have a clue who he was so I took him to see “The Omen” which was still in theaters in Los Angeles. The next morning I called Dick at home.

When he answered he seemed agitated and anxious. “I’m on the other pone! I can’t talk right now! My life’s going to hell! Call me later!” I said I would, figuring I’d call him the next day. The following morning the lead item in Army Archerd’s Variety column read “Richard Donner has been hired to direct “SUPERMAN” for Alexander and Illya Salkind for one million dollars.” I thought, well, there goes that idea.

Years later I found myself working security on the Warner Brothers Studio lot. It was a Friday night, six o’clock and I was working relief on the exit side of the Hollywood Way gate. Suddenly, this beat up old GMC pick-up truck pulls up and stops. It was Dick Donner and he recognized me immediately.

‘Hey, man. What’re you doing here?”

I indicated my uniform and replied, “I’m workin’, Dick.”

We chatted for about ten minutes. Meanwhile, there is a line of cars from the gate running all the way back to the Warner Brothers water tower. No one’s honking. No one’s complaining. My co-worker is giving me looks that say “How do you rate a conversation with Dick Donner?” Finally, he said good night and drove off. My co-worker threw me a look and all I said was “I’ll tell you later.”

In 1993, I was no longer working at Warner Brothers but still had friends in security. I got a hold of my friend in security and asked if there was any way I could get onto the Maverick set. We worked it out and I invited a young woman; an actress I was trying to impress; to come with me. We got to the set; most of which was taken up by the poker room river boat set. The chandeliers were rigged to sway, as they would on a real river boat.

Dick was shooting the stateroom scenes with Jody Foster, Mel Gibson, and James Garner. They were resetting the cameras and religting that part of the set and I saw another friend from security, but in plain clothes and went up and hugged him, warding off another lackey who was wondering who I was, and when I hugged my friend I could feel the gun under his sport coat. He had been assigned as Jody Foster’s personal body guard, even though this was more than a decade since the infamous John Hinckley incident, evidently she was still getting strange mail from twisted fans.

I then moved over to where Dick was sitting before two video-assist screens. I stood in the doorway silently, not wanting to interrupt him. At one point he turned around and saw me, recognized me again.

“Hey, man. How you doing?”

“Fine, Dick. Is it okay if I hang out for a while?”

“Sure.”

And he turned back to his screens. My friend and I watched Jody Foster and Mel Gibson run through a scene a couple of times, then my friend from security took me aside and told me we had to leave. Security was really tight and if his boss came on the set and saw us, he’d be in trouble. I thanked him for letting us hang out and we left.

About the same time I managed to get a script to Dick which I delivered to his office at Warner Brothers. When I stepped into the reception area the first things I noticed were the framed poster from SUPERMAN on the wall behind the receptionist’s desk and the straitjacket from LETHAL WEAPON 2 framed, hanging over the couch.

It brought a smile to my face. When the receptionist asked why I was smiling I told her I was the one who got Dick started on his movie poster collection.

It has always been a dream of mine to work with Richard Donner someday, but now I know that’s not going to happen, but I appreciate the kindnesses he has given me over the years.

PATRICK MACNEE BOOK SIGNING 1989

2011-08-06T20:53:00.001-07:00

Okay, I

put together a book signing with Patrick MacNee from the classic 1960's British camp-spy/adventure series “The Avengers” when his autobiography "Blind In One Ear" came out. I was working for Walden books in Pasadena, CA. I became the display king; had contacts at all the movie studio P.R. departments and could get just about anything from them for cross promotion of the paperback tie ins of their films.

Anyway, I track down MacNee's publicist and worked everything through them. I contacted the publisher and cut a deal so that we didn't get stuck with whatever we didn't sell; not even shipping charges; to returned the unsold merchandise.

I made posters from the publicist's press kit. Ordered "Avenger" videos from Ingram as well as the “Complete Avengers Book” and did all the displays myself (Of course). I invited a bunch of friends, too.

There was an office for these kinds of promotions back East at the home office and the numbskulls never returned my calls or they just weren't in. When I finally got a

hold of them, they reamed me for doing this and that it had to go through their office, etc, etc. I told them I'd been trying to reach them for a month! I asked if they were going to take out an ad and they said they didn't take out ads for in store signings. What a bunch of morons! Turns out I had Roddy McDowell booked to come in for a signing of his 2nd book of celebrity portraits at $60 a pop the following week, but since the company wouldn't take out an ad they passed. I told his people I didn't blame them a bit!

The day of the signing comes; a Saturday; and people were lining up even before the store opened! It was great. Then some of my friends arrived and then Patrick MacNee. I was surprised on how tall he was. And impressed in that he was very much "John Steed" in his persona. He was a complete gentleman to everyone, consenting to pose with me and my friends.

Extremely nice, polite. We took him to the food court for coffee and started asking him all kinds of things. I was bowled over when he referred to Diana

Rigg as "Di". I'd never heard that before. Then we chatted about John Colicos, the actor who played Baltar on "Battlestar Galactica" and friend of mine. I recall he thought John was either the greatest actor he had ever know or a complete madman. I think we settled on a compromise, that John was a little of both.

I had written a sci-fi fantasy script entitled "Quentin Rebel" and had Patrick in mind for a character and I think John had sent it to him. Patrick remembered the script and was surprised when he learned I had written it. He thought it was pretty good. Needless to say, he made my day!

We went back to the store and got the whole thing rolling and it was a huge success even without the help from the home office. It was the best non holiday Saturday sales the store had ever had.

At the end of the day, Patrick whips out his AMEX gold card and bought a stack of the Avengers book and several videos; telling me that there were unauthorized bootlegs and dropped about $500; even with the discount we gave him; then apologized what he felt was a small turn out. I assured him he had nothing to apologize about and sent him on his way.

DICK VAN DYKE, DIAGNOSIS MURDER, AND WALNUTS

2011-08-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

The name of
the episode of Diagnosis Murder is called "Retribution: Part One". I'm in it about
twenty minutes in. I got a whole 47 seconds of air time. Which is a lot.

Here's the whole story:

I used to have AOL and my friend, casting director Victoria Burrows (Castaway, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Tales From The Crypt) did too. I was on-line saying hello to her one morning and she asked if I wanted to come read for her. In all the years I've known her, I never asked to audition for anything. I didn't think it was right to trade on the social friendship and I didn't consider myself an actor at the time.

About 2 weeks prior to this, she asked me if I could get her some adult videos, since I worked in the industry as a writer); knowing what I was doing. I showed up at her valley office with about 2 dozen videos. Anyway, she IM's me and asks if I want to read for this two line part and I said sure.

I asked her what the part was and she tells me it's a porn director. I write back that she has to be kidding and she said she wasn't. I asked her if this was her little inside joke and she said yes.

I get the "sides"; the audition scene; and the lines are "Cut. Okay, let's move in close as she undoes his belt buckle" which is phrase I have never heard uttered on any porn set I'd ever been on!

The day of the audition I end up with a classic actor's dilemma. I had no head shots, I had to find the floppy disc with my acting resume on it and update it. I honestly stood in front of my closet assessing my wardrobe with a little voice running through my head saying "What's their concept of this character? What should I wear?" That same voice came back with "What the fuck would you wear to the set, asshole?" I picked a ripped pair of jeans and a black tux shirt.

As I drove to the audition I was mentally convincing myself they'd never hire a non-union actor for this part. No way were they going to Taft-Hartley me for this. No way in hell. Now, I also had another video to give Victoria where I did a parody of a well known porn director, in a manila envelope.

I arrive early, which is one thing that has never changed about me. I'm notoriously early. Scott Borland, Vic's partner comes out and says, let's go in. I wasn't nervous about it. I didn't need the job so there wasn't a whole lot riding on this audition. I go in and there's Vic, Christian Nyby II, the director (who's father directed the sci-fi classic "The Thing From Another World") and two other gentlemen, who I learned later were the writers/producers.

As I sit, I'm trying to decide how to read these two stupid lines and the scenario I come up with is that it's 5 PM, I'm tired, and this is the million-and-oneth time I've directed the "Cable Guy Scene" and I want to go home.

I slumped down in the chair, arms hanging limply over the arm rests, feet stretched out in front of me, my reading half-glasses propped on the end of my nose and read the line, my voice trailing off to almost nothing.

The room fell apart with laughter. I turned around to see if someone had walked in behind me, but no one had. I just destroyed them all. I left the room and once I got outside, I was thrilled to know that I could "play in the big sandbox" after twenty years of wondering. I could've cared less if I'd gotten the damned part. I was just thrilled to know I did a great audition.

I went home and at 6:30 that night, Vic called to tell me I got the part.

A bit I left out: When Vic called to tell me I’d gotten the part, I asked her if the director and producers knew what I did for a living. She told me “After they picked you, I told them, well, he’s a friend of mine and he writes porno movies, and they just thought that was great!”

The day before of the shoot, which was about a week or so before Thanksgiving 1997, I get a knock at my door and a messenger was there with the script. It was a little surreal since I’d spent so much time doing exactly the same thing for years while working messenger: delivering scripts to actors.

The day of the shoot, I pulled out the same clothes I’d worn to the audition, packed up a back pack with whatever I thought would be necessary. Not knowing the schedule, I planned on being there the entire day and headed off to the studio. I had a 7:45 AM make up call.

The studio in question is located on Balboa in Lake Balboa, I think. I wasn’t nervous and the studio had a parking lot separate from the studio itself. I parked there and a dark red van picked me up and drove me to the studio.

As I got up to get out of the van, I stumbled, catching the toe of my shoe in the carpeting and started to fall out of the van. My arms were full of my stuff and I instinctually put out my left hand and grabbed the door jamb and swung out of the van like a gate and slammed into the passenger door, hitting my head, then collapsed down on left leg (the bad one). I was lucky I didn’t break it. There were about three huge Teamsters standing around watching all this who didn’t make a move to help me, just gawking and asking “You okay, man?”

The Assistant Director or Production Manager rushed over; thinking lawsuit, I’m sure; and helped me up. A Production Assistant came over and escorted me to my trailer (Honey wagon), and the P.M. sent over an ice pack to put on my head. I sat in the trailer thinking “this isn’t a good omen...Then the P.A. came over and took me to the wardrobe trailer.

I’d already changed into what I‘d worn to the audition, but I went to wardrobe anyway. Inside the trailer was this skinny guy who looked like a fugitive from Woodstock; only cleaner; with hair down past his ass. He looked around, even though we were the ones around, then looked at me, leaned in and quietly said “Even though it’s a porn, you are the director”, and proceeded to hand me a pair of charcoal grey dress slacks and suspenders. That, along with the black tux shirt I was wearing made me look like Larry King going to a funeral!

As I headed off to make up, all I could think of was “They ain’t got a clue.” I got to make up without further incident and got in the chair and just closed my eyes, wondering what other disaster was going to befall me. Suddenly, I heard the trailer door open and I heard a somewhat familiar voice say, “Oh hi. Are you our Larry Flynt?” I opened my eyes and saw Dick Van Dyke standing there. I just grinned.

He came over and shook my hand and got into his chair and suddenly said, “You know, that would be a real funny inside joke.”

“What’s that,” I replied.

“We should put you in a wheel chair.”

I thought, hey, whatever. I’m getting scale, and said, “Sure. Why not.”

He came back with, “Hey, we’re a hospital. We’ve got wheel chairs!”

I felt very relaxed by this time.

As I got up to go to the set, I told him I’d brought him a present.”A present?” he said. I told him I’d give it to him on set and headed back to my trailer.

A little

history here: One of my favorite episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show has to do with Kolack of Twylo, Absorbitron, and walnuts. This particular episode opens with Rob and Laura watching a science fiction movie and Rob starts teasing Laura because she gets all weirded out and all. The next morning Rob comes out of the bed room and heads for the kitchen stepping on some walnuts in the living room. He thinks it’s Laura getting even with him for the teasing he gave her the night before.

In the kitchen Laura claims not to know anything about the walnuts and proceeds the prepare to make his breakfast. There’s an egg carton on the counter and Laura asks how he’d like them. Rob says the usual and she opens the carton and there are walnuts inside.

Anyway, throughout the episode, there are walnuts everywhere. Seems the Twyloites have put Absorbitron in the walnuts and are turning humans to Twyloites. The grow eyes in the backs of their heads and lose their thumbs. Rob gets all freaked out and rushes home. When he gets there, he calls for Laura and goes to put his hat in the front closest and a mountain of walnuts pours out of the closet, knocking him down and Laura slides down the walnuts, kicking her leg in the air. Well, when I was a kid, that was about the hottest, sexiest thing I’d ever seen on TV! Turns out, Rob’s had the nightmare and not Laura.

The day before I went to shoot I went to the store, bought a nice gift bag and filled it with

walnuts. I figured it would at least get a laugh. But as I walked to the set with my bag of walnuts I suddenly realized, Van Dyke’s 72. No way is he going to remember that episode or the significance of the walnuts. But I was committed to my course of action and forged ahead.

I get to the set and Dick and his wife are sitting there and I hand him the bag, waiting to deliver a long explanation. He opened the bag, laughed and says “Walnuts! You know when we were shooting that episode –“ and my jaw hit the ground. “ – We had these huge gunny sacks of walnuts on the set for a week. Everybody was eating the walnuts, cast and crew, and by the end of the week, we were all constipated!”

I was in heaven! Here I am, about to do a scene with one of my idols and he’s telling me a thirty-plus year old anecdote about my favorite “Dick Van Dyke Show” episode! It was amazing.

We go to shoot the scene and, sure enough, there’s a wheel chair! We knocked it out in two of three takes. After I did all my paper work I went to his trailer and knocked on the door. When he came to the door I said, “Mr. Van Dyke, this was my first professional gig and I wanted to thank you.” To that he replied “Come on in.” I was stunned. “Excuse me?” I said. “C’mon in.” So I went in.

Now I can’t tell you what the hell we talked about, but I spent about a half an hour with him before he was called back to the set. I drove home in a kind of daze. Then I yelled at myself! I could have asked him about the Dick Van Dyke Show! Mary Poppins! Any number of things and didn’t...

But then I realized it was just two guys from the Illinois sitting and chatting.

Who could ask for anything more?

MAS*H SET VISIT NOVEMBER 5, 1975

2011-08-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

When it was announced that CBS was going to present M*A*S*H as a half hour sitcom, I was appalled at the notion that 20th Century Fox would diminish the Robert Altman classic by turning it into a half hour television show.

But like millions of others who tuned in on Sunday, September 17, 1972 I was immediately won over by the performances of Alan Alda, Wayne Rogers, McLean Stevenson, Loretta Switt, Gary Burghoff & Larry Linville and became a staunch viewer and fan for it’s eleven season run.

I was privileged to visit legendary Stage Nine on the 20^TH Century Fox lot on November 5, 1975, which was McLean’s Stevenson’s last day on the show. But I must explain how I came to be there.

Having watched M*A*S*H since it premiered, I saw three episodes that I thought could be woven into a three act play. The Second Act was to be the classic episode which took place entirely in the O.R.. The Producers of M*A*S*H had made a deal with CBS that there would be no laugh track in any scenes that took place in the O.R.

It is well known that nearly everyone on the show hated the laugh track and felt it was inappropriate because of the nature of the show. So to put one over on the Execs at CBS, Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks wrote the episode “O.R.” which took place entirely in the Operating Room. Gelbart and Marks won the WGA award for writing the episode and the Emmy for directing of a comedy went to Gene Reynolds.

With this idea in mind, I called the M*A*S*H production offices and proposed the idea of the play to Larry Gelbart’s assistant. A few days later I received a manila envelope in the mail containing the three scripts and a note of good luck. As a thank you, I sent two dozen roses to Mr. Gelbart’s assistant. She called to thank me telling me that everyone who came into her office wanted to know who her secret admirer was. I suggested she not tell them and drive them all nuts. She then asked if there was anything else she could do for me.

I was preparing for a trip to Israel with my grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law and asked if there was any chance to visit the set. She said she’d look into it and a few days later she called back and asked if November 5 would work for me. I said it would. She said that would be great, since it was MacLean Stevenson’s last day on the show. I was ecstatic

Now prior to this pilgrimage to Stage 9, I had seen Alan Alda on a TV interview talking about how he was looking to get into directing. I had written a TV movie, the story very deep and meaningful to me. I did everything “according to Hoyle” contacting Mr. Alda’s agent who said I should send him the script, which I did.

Time passed and I heard nothing from Mr. Alda’s agent, so I placed a call to 20^th Century Fox and asked for Mr. Alda. Expecting a rebuff, the next thing I heard was the line ringing. I let it ring for a while and as I was about to hang up, someone picked up the line.

“Hello?” came a groggy sounding voice on the other end. It suddenly dawned on me it was ALAN ALDA. I had work him from a nap. Deciding not to waste an opportunity, I took no time in launching into who I was and why I was calling, telling him about my script. He said he would look into it and I thanked him for his time apologizing for having disturbed him.

Come November 5, I drove out to the studio. I presented myself at the main gate, but there was no pass for me. Determined to follow through I asked the guard to call Mfr. Gelbart’s office. Within minutes of placing the call I was handed a pass and directed to Stage 9. But I detoured to Mr. Gelbart’s office to pay my respects to his assistant and personally thank her for her kindness. She told me that everyone thought the idea of using the three scripts as a stage play was very exciting and wished me luck. I then headed for Stage 9.

Stage 9 is an unimpressive block of a sound stage set behind the main office building of the studio. I found a parking place and headed for the stage, not having a clue as to where the door was. As I approached I noticed the huge stage door open slightly and I entered into darkness. After a minute or two my eyes adjusted to the dim work lights and then the brighter stage lights that illuminated the interior set of “Rosie’s Bar”

I found myself a spot to watch from a set that wasn’t being used.. Across the stage, on the “Rosie’s Bar” set were ALAN ALDA, MACLEAN STEVENSON, and GARY BURGHOFF. They were shooting the farewell dinner drunk sequence from “ABYSSINIA, HENRY”. Now I wasn’t aware that M*A*S*H was a one-camera show, meaning that they only used one camera to shoot the show instead of the standard 3 camera used on other sitcoms (but those shows were shot in front of a live studio audience)..

So I watched, in confusion as they did the scene over and over again, not noticing they repositioned the camera every time so they could get all coverage they needed (everyone’s close ups, two-shots, master shots, etc.) So I stood watching trying to figure it all out. I suddenly sensed someone standing next to me and I turned to find LARRY LINVILLE (Major Frank Burns on the show). Under his arm was a thick stack of computer print-out (remember dot matrix?).

I asked what it was and he laid it out on a table, explaining he had spent the morning at the UCLA computer department trying to figure out the stress factors on the wingspan of the glider he was building in his garage. Being taken aback by this revelation I believe my response was “Huh?” It seems Mr. Linville was not anything like the pompous ass of his character and that his hobby was building gliders from the same polyurethane or polystyrene foam surfboards are made from. That explanation left me slack-jawed. Linville also had brought Stevenson a going-away present in the form of a huge plastic tennis shoe planter. Mr. Linville told Mr. Stevenson something to the effect that if the plant died, he could also wear the planter.

Then someone called “Lunch!” and Alda, Stevenson, and Burghoff left the set. In the scene the actors had to eat braised beef. As Mr. Alda moved to his chair, across from where I was he sounded off with a comment to the effect that who wanted lunch? We’ve been eating braised beef all morning.

I struggled with whether to approach and intrude on Mr. Alda when WAYNE ROGERS appeared, bidding Stevenson his farewell. It was then I realized that the shortest people on the set were myself and Gary Burgoff. Alda, Stevenson, and Rogers were all six feet or taller. It was like being in a Sequoia forest! Rogers finally moved away and I took a deep breath and approached Mr. Alda.

When I introduced myself he shot out of his chair, grabbing and shaking my hand and APOLOGIZING! “I’m really sorry,” he said. “My agent never sent me your script. I’m really sorry!” I told him I had a copy in the car and he insisted I give it to him. He was leaving for hiatus and promised to take it with him. I said I’d be happy to give it to him and retrieved it from my car and gave it to him. I left the set shortly after, not wanting to over stay my welcome, or if someone got wise and chased me off.

After about three months had passed I called my friend in Mr. Gelbart’s office to see if Mr. Alda had returned. I was told he was still vacationing in the Bahamas with his wife. I figured that was the last I would hear from Mr. Alda. The next day in the mail I found a manila envelope. Inside was my script, the covers sun-bleached, sand between the pages, and an encouraging note from Alan Alda on his personal stationary. It was constructive criticism, yet encouraging, wishing me luck and with the advice to keep writing.

It was probably the single most important advice anyone, up to that time, that kept me writing. So, thank you Alan Alda.

JOHN COLICOS, KOR, AND BALTAR

2011-08-06T20:46:00.001-07:00

In the early 1970's there was a spectacular bookstore on Hollywood Boulevard across from the Scientology Center named B.Dalton-Pickwick Books. As far as bookstores went, it was a gem. Three stories high it was the bookstore every studio and network would purchase research materials from and where celebrities would shop.

Case in point: I had the great pleasure of waiting on Toni Teneille one day. For those of you who have never seen her, she is this gorgeous Amazon of a woman with sparkling, warm, welcoming eyes and a congenial smile unlike few I’d ever encountered. Miss Teneille has a penchant for 1930's and 1940's torch songs and 1930's and 1940's fashions. She was looking for a book that had black-&-white photos from classic motion pictures and the stunning gowns that were designed for stars such as Greta Garbo, Vivien Leigh, Myra Loy and others. While waiting on her I asked “Where’s the Captain?” She smiled and replied “He’s in the car”. “I guess he draws quite a crowd with the hat, huh?”, said I. Got a laugh out of her.

Anyway, I had transferred from the B. Dalton store at the Glendale Galleria, since I was living just down the street from the Hollywood B. Dalton. We

had just reorganized the paperback department when character actor John Colicos came in one day.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a great affection for those actors referred to as “Character Actors”, so I immediately recognized him. He was wearing what can only be described as a Carnaby Street styled “leisure suit”, only this one was not made from polyester. It was a beige cloth suit with a matching cap and a neck scarf, which in those days had replaced the ascot as a male fashion accessory.

John came in looking for the mystery novels of John D. MacDonald. “The Travis McGee series?” I asked. John was surprised to find someone who knew the author and series, without having to look it up. We immediately established a comradely as we continued to talk books. John was looking into obtaining the rights to the Travis McGee series with the intention of producing either a movie or TV series based on the stories.

This didn’t sit well with the manager of the paperback department, who had also recognized John, and when he tried to dismiss me and take over waiting on John, Colicos; in a very authoritative Shakespearean voice; dismissed the manager, stating he has no reason to deal with anyone else since I was doing such a good job. This did not endear me to the paperback department manager.

After that, whenever John was looking for books, he would call the store and ask for me personally. This grew into a friendship and I started hanging out with him around the time the Original “Battlestar Galactica” was made. We would get together and he would tell me anecdotes from the set. One incident he related was during the shooting of the pilot. John and creator/producer Glen Larson were standing on a hill overlooking the Universal Studios back lot, above the brand new, modern office buildings which were doubling for Caprica.

Below were all the lovely actresses in their clingy CIana outfits and according to John, Glen Larson; who is a Mormon, by the way; turned to John and said “I could call this show Charlie’s Space Bunnies and they’d still buy it”.

He only commented once on Star Trek and his single appearance as the Klingon Commander “Kor” in the classic episode “Errand of Mercy”. According to John, Gene Roddenberry had intended “Kor” become a recurring character, which unfortunately never happened. “Kor” did reappear many years later on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” along with actors Michael Ansara and William Campbell, portraying “Kang” and “Koloth” respectively; the other two most famous Klingon’s from the original series.

John bought a house in Burbank, just down the street from what is now the Equestrian Center, across from Bette Davis’ old place. He had the interior completely redone. When “Galactica” went on the air John would call me up and announce that his son Edmond; who was a terrific cook, was making dinner and that I should come join them for dinner and watch the show. This became a Sunday ritual.

Just before “Battlestar Galactica” premiered Mad Magazine (that corruptor of children) came out with the issue that had a parody of Superman and one of Galactica as well entitled “Cattlecar Galaxia”. In every frame that depicted John as “Baltar”, it showed him sitting with a Martini in his hand. Now I wasn’t certain how John would react to this, but I gave him the magazine anyway. As he thumbed through the parody, he roared with laughter. “My God! Did they have someone on the set?” he wondered.

We would all be sitting there before the TV, dinner spread out on our TV tables and John would command that “You can’t talk during the show!” and of course he would talk through the whole episode, telling anecdotes. He’d see a scene and shout “That damned Richard Hatch! We had to shoot that half a dozen times ‘cause he wouldn’t wear his contacts and he kept running into the set!”

There was one week end where we found directions to Forrest J. Ackerman’s

“Ackermansion” in the Hollywood Hills. This was long before the Internet so it took some hunting to find the address. Now for those of you who don’t know Forrest J. Ackerman was the Editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland Magazine, which, next to Mad Magazine and comic books, sent waves of fear through the mothers of my generation. These types of publications were corrupting our youth and verboten.

Anyway, in those days Forry, as he is affectionately called, had two houses in the Hollywood Hills. One he lived in the other which was a two story house with a basement (very rare in Los Angeles) that housed his unbelievable collection of Horror, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy movie memorabilia.

Original paintings by Kelly Freas, Frank Frazetta and others whose works

that became covers to popular and classic Sci-Fi and Fantasy paperbacks like the Conan, The Barbarian series, Tazan and other Edgar Rice Burroughs novels and the works of Issac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke and the like. He had the last know miniature of the Martian War Machine from the 1954 classic film version of “War of the Worlds”. Someone had given him a life sized replica of the Robotrix from “Metropolis” as well as a life sized original Cylon
robot from the original “Battlestar Galactica” series.

His collection also boasted one of the Dracula rings Bela Lugosi wore in the Dracula movies, as well as one of his capes and the Scarab Beetle ring Boris Karloff wore in the 1932 version of “the Mummy”. Forry met us at the door to the Ackermansion and gave John and I the V.I.P. tour. It was like a dream come true. And John enjoyed himself immensely.

John got invited to a Sci-Fi Convention which was being held at the Hyatt Airport Inn. At first he was reluctant to go but his other son Nick and I convinced him to accept, telling him we would act as his “security” and push people out of the way. He laughed at this idea, eventually accepting the invitation.

Upon arriving at the Hyatt, John, Nick and I entered and almost immediately fans started swarming our way. Nick and I stepped in front of John telling people to “please move back. Stand back, please.” Etc. This brought a great smile to John’s face. The organizers of the convention opened the dealer’s room an hour early just for John, who was an avid pulp magazine collector (he had an impressive collection of original Shadow pulps).

Also on the panel from “Galactica” were Herb Jefferson, Jr. (the original “Boomer”) and Anne Lockhart (“Sheba”). We all went into the ballroom, which was packed to capacity. The first fifteen minutes of the Q-&-A, all the questions were directed at John. There was also only one microphone. He put a stop to all the “Baltar” ; and a few “Kor”; questions and passed the microphone. Some of the questions can only be described as “geek” questions, asking questions about the most obscure minutia about the characters and the show. I think I remember John responding to one such question with “I have no idea, you’d have to ask the writers.”

After the Q-&-A came the autograph table. John, Anne, and Herb were seated behind the tables and people were lining up to meet, greet, get a photo and an autograph (long before conventions charged for such things). The line for John’s autograph was three times as long as the others. One fan, while waiting in line, drew a caricature of John as “Kor” and presented it to him. (Somewhere I think I still have the photo). Needless to say, John had the time of his life.

It was around this time that John asked me to house sit for him. I was honored. First

he went off to Canada in 1979 to shoot the supernatural thriller “The Changeling” starring George C. Scott. Based on a true story the film was directed by Peter Medak. Evidently there was a man on the set who was the technical advisor. The set of the attack was so realistic, it disturbed the technical advisor, who turned out to be the man George C. Scott was portraying. The recreation of the house and the attack was so accurate, the man couldn’t set foot on the set.

Shortly after, in 1980, John appeared in the remake of “The Postman Always Rings Twice” (with Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange). He did such a remarkable performance as “Nick Papdakis” (originally portrayed by Cecil Kellaway). When MGM Executives screen the film, they started talking about John Possibly getting Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination out of it. Evidently Jack Nicolson and director Bob Rafelson had final cut on the film and trimmed John’s well received performance considerably (the same thing supposedly happened to Cecil Kellaway).

Eventually John went into semi-retirement, returning to his home in Toronto and worked on and off for another twenty years. He passed away on March 6, 2000 at the age of seventy-two.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WEWRE FESS PARKER

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RICHARD BOONE, VICTOR BOUNO, & MICHAEL DUNN

In 1972 I moved to Los Angeles seriously for the first time. I took a single apartment at 8642 Sunset Blvd. It was a combination hotel/apartment building across the street from the Comedy Store.

I was working evenings at Vendome Liquor at the corner of La Cienega and Miller Dr, so I had the days to myself. I had intended on being an actor and literally thought some Agent, or Director or Producer would spot me walking down the street to Tiny Naylor’s or The Sunset Hyatt House and say “That’s the look I want!”. The dreams and foolishness of youth.

One morning I was heading over to the Hyatt House coffee shop to grab breakfast and saw a movie crew had taken up temporary residence in the big room at the Comedy Store. For those of you who don’t know the history of the Comedy Store, it was once the great Hollywood Night Club known as Ciro’s. Ciro’s was opened in 1939 by Billy Wilkerson who would go on to open the Macombo and The Flamingo in Las Vegas that would, in turn, be taken over by Bugsy Seigel.

In the 1970's the Big Room was rarely used and on this particular day the

place was buzzing with the activity of a TV Movie (Movie of the Week as they were called back in the day or MOW as the networks referred to them) entitled “Goodnight, My Love” a 1940's murder mystery.

I had never been on an active movie set before and slipped into the Big Room. They had dressed the room much the same as I imagined it had been in Ciro’s heyday. In the far corner I saw the camera, crew, director (Peter Hyams) and a couple of other men (Richard Boone and Victor Bouno). I watched as they lit the scene, walked through the blocking, etc.

Suddenly I heard “Can I help you?” I turned to see an elegant, portly man with a moustache, dressed in a tuxedo, standing at the Maitre D’s desk. His name was Lomax Study, an actor, who was portraying...A Maitre D.

Lomax and I chatted for several minutes, each giving the other background on ourselves. Then a young man came in, saw me and demanded to know who I was. Before I could replay, Lomax said, “Oh, this is my nephew from St. Louis and I invited him to visit th set. Is that alright?” The young man; an Associate Producer as it turned out; harumphed, turned and left.

Lomax and I continued to chat until the director called out “let’s shoot it”. So after an hour and a half of watching set the scene and the camera movement and rehearsal, the director called “Action!” Ninety seconds later: “Cut! That’s lunch!” And everyone started to file out, so I followed.

As I stepped onto the sidewalk (Sunset Boulevard across the street where House of Blues now stands) I saw Michael Dunn, best known for portraying Secret Service Agent James West nemesis. Dr. Miguelito Loveless on the 1960's classic TV series “The Wild, Wild West” seated in a director’s chair, holding a sizable tumbler, drinking his lunch.

Just beyond stood the hulking form of Richard Boone, “Have Gun, Will Travel’s” gentleman gunslinger “Paladin” from the 1950's. He was standing by the driveway that led up to the parking lot behind the Hyatt House.

I walked over and started chatting with him. I asked him what they were shooting and he outlined the plot of the TV movie, then after about ten minutes he turned to me and said, “By the way, I’m Dick Boone” to which I replied dryly and off-handedly “ I didn’t think you were Fess Parker.” This evoked such a deep throated roar of laughter from Boone it was frightening, but I felt both relieved and satisfied that I was able to make such an intimidating looking man like Richard Boone laugh and he didn’t throw a punch.

He went off to have lunch and I went back into the Big Room and resumed chatting with Lomax. They were shooting more of the scene with another great character actor Victor Buono, known for playing “King Tut” on the 1960's version of “Batman” opposite Adam West and “Count Manzeppi” also on “The Wild, Wild West”, and co-starring with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in Robert Adlrich’s 1962 classic “Whatever Happened To Baby Jane”.

As Buono began to leave I approached him, begged his pardon for bothering him and looked about the room and told him I just didn’t understand any of this. He paused, looked around, and replied, “Neither do I. I tell you what. We’ll meet in Yuma once a year and discuss it.” And then he left for lunch.

ENCOUNTERING VINCENT PRICE

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I was privileged to meet the wonderful Vincent Price three times in my life, and a fourth encounter by mail after I moved to Los Angeles.

Encounter #1: Fall 1960: St. Louis, my home town, had their version of Mardi Gras called the Veiled Prophet Parade, a tradition that migrated up-river with the people from New Orleans who came north to work at Anheuaser Brewery. In fact the Soulard Market area that was built up around the brewery looks like a section of New Orleans was dropped into the St. Louis landscape and retains its architectural beauty and integrity even today.

The “VP” as it was come to be called was held in March every. In 1960, when I was nine, my family, along with another family, went down to the Chase Park Plaza Hotel on Lindell and Kingshighway for dinner. The Parade route went from Forest Park, east down Lindell and we all went out to the pool deck to watch the parade. Now, you must understand I had a talent for going off on my own and this night was no exception.

A digression, if I may: I was so fascinated with show business even as a child, I would manage to talk my way into any TV and radio station and hang out, specifically KXOK, the local AM rock station, and then KSD (now KSDK the local NBC affiliate), but my favorite was the first independently owned KPLR , Channel 11, owned and operated by the owners of the Chase Park Plaza Hotel.

Okay, back to the story. I slipped away from my family and went to the KPLR offices. I had been there so often the receptionist knew me by my first name. The windows of the KPLR reception area looked out on Lindell Blvd and it was the first time the Veiled Prophet Parade was being televised on KPLR, the television in the reception area also showing the parade.

As I waited for the Parade to start I was chatting up the receptionist, another television show was being broadcast which I wasn’t paying any attention to when one of KPLR’s local celebrities, actor, singer, and restaurateur Joe Cusinelli; the co-star of one of the local kid’s show “Captain 11’s Show Boat” that aired The Three Stooges shorts and hosted by former Ziegfeld Follies Chorus boy Harry Fender; came out into the lobby. Obviously Joe knew me and we immediately began chatting.

While we were talking, the show that was on, ended and four men exited through the lobby and out the front door. Joe turned to me and said “You know who that was who just left?”, I said that I didn’t. “That was Vincent

Price”. I immediately bolted for the front door. When I got outside I saw a man walking toward the sidewalk and I was crest fallen feeling I had missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

As I turned to go back into the lobby, there was Vincent Price standing right behind me, along with three other men. I was immediately awestruck and dumbfounded. As I recall he seemed to this skinny nine year old to be twelve feet tall, he was actually 6 feet, 4 inches. And like his horror film colleague Boris Karloff, had one of the nicest demeanors for someone who was best known for villains and mad men.

One of the men with was the P.R. man for the Roger Corman directed “The House of Usher”. I told Mr. Price who I was and that I was a fan. I recall the P.R. man being rather obnoxious, pressing me to get Mr. Price’s autograph but I didn’t have any paper on me. The P.R. man suggested Mr. Price autograph my hand. For some reason the idea didn’t appeal to me and I declined, but remained nonetheless and watched the VP Parade alongside Vincent Price.

When the Parade ended I thanked Mr. Price and excused myself to rejoin my family who insisted to know where I had been. I told them I had just spent the passing hour watching the Parade with Vincent Price. Needless to say, they didn’t believe me. It was then that I regretted not letting him autograph my hand.

ENCOUNTER #2: EARLY 1970’S:

A decade later, after coming to Los Angeles for the first, as short, time, I returned to St. Louis. While in Los Angeles I watched the Saturday night “Creature Feature” hosted by “Sinister Seymour” (Larry Vincent). He bore a striking resemblance to John Carradine and had the dry, sly delivery revived years later by “Elivria, Mistress of the Dark” (Cassandra Peterson).

When I returned to St. Louis KDNL-TV the first UHF station had just come on. I knew Jack Miller, best known as “Corky, The Clown” who had been on the air in St. Louis for years and I went to visit him with this idea of trying to be the local horror movie host. Jack told me that KDNL had just acquired the Roger Corman “Edgar Allen Poe” film package. I got a hold of a couple of high school friends (John Goodwin, who became an Emmy winning make-up effects artist for “CSI”, and Ken Stack, who went on to run a local theater in Bangor, Maine who had also put together a one man show as Edgar Allen Poe, and we wrote a series of intros and wrap-arounds to these films.

I had gotten wind of the fact that Mr. Price, by then the art

buyer for Sears and Roebuck, was coming to St. Louis for a day. I hopped on a bus early and went down and “staked-out” the lobby of the Chase Park Plaza hotel, periodically calling the desk from the lobby house phone, finally learning that his flight from Toronto had been delayed. I sat in the lobby for about eight hours.

Finally, Mr. Price arrived and I “ambushed” him at the desk as he was registering. I related the story of our first meeting and , even with the flight delay, he was gracious, patient, and courteous, listening to my “pitch”, requesting that he consider coming on my proposed show. He told me he would be returning to St. Louis that coming may to do “The Raven” with the St. Louis Symphony and very kindly gave the name and address of his manager in Los Angeles. I wrote to Mr. Price’s manager, but never received a reply.

Using the possibility of landing Mr. Price to make an appearance on my proposed show, Jack Miller arranged for an audition tape to be made and I proceeded to work up a character and make-up. Not having the skill to create foam latex prosthetics, I constructed my make-up using morticians’ wax, put a costume together and went ahead with the audition.

To say I was nervous was a gross understatement. I was terrified the day of the audition and sat on the set, holding my copy, hands shaking and plunged ahead. What I failed to take into account was how hot studio lights can be and as we rolled tape I could feel my “face” literally melting, adding to my terror and thinking I was going to look like the “Incredible Melting Man”!

Needless to say it was the worst audition tape to find its way into the KNDL video library, but was told if I could find sponsors for the show, KDNL would put me on the air. I immediately set about trying to find sponsors, but it was a futile attempt and, perhaps thankfully, the show never got past the audition tape.

ENCOUNTER #3-MID 1970’S:

I moved back to Los Angeles again in 1974, living on Sunset Blvd in a hotel/apartment building across the street from the Comedy Store and Hyatt House and got a job at Vendome liquor on Sunset and La Cienega Blvd.

It was the week of Thanksgiving and I was stocking the shelves when who would walk in but Vincent Price. All the other employees stared in awe and I just walked up to him, introduced myself, again relating our previous encounters, then asked him how I could be of help. He was preparing a Thanksgiving Dinner and needed a few extra ingredients.

I spent about ten minutes with him, bid him a happy holiday and returned to my work as he went to the counter and made his purchases, then exited.

He got only a few paces from the door, turned around, came back in, looked around and after finding me shouted out “Michael. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!” and exited again.

I went back to my work and caught sight of the other employees’ heads pivot, seemingly in unison, turning to look at me all with the same expression of “How did he rate a conversation with Vincent Price?” on their faces. I never explained the connection.

SORT OF ENCOUNTER #4-EARLY 1980’S

In the early 1980’s I came up with an idea for a television series entitled “Lundy & Foxxe”. The lead character was a world renowned mystery writer and a stunt woman who get involved in real crimes. It was about this time that Mr. Price was making the rounds of the talk shows plugging his cook books, his hosting PBS’s “Mystery”, and various other projects, but also revealing his wonderful wit and sense of humor. He even did several guest appearances on “Hollywood Squares”.

I came up with the idea of adding Mr. Price to the cast playing himself. After all he was a gourmand, art expert, and actor and felt I could use these facets of his personality well as portraying him as a long time family friend to the lead character.

At about the same time I was working as a messenger in Los Angeles and one day I heard over my radio as another driver got a pick-up from ABC TV Prospect lot going to Vincent Price’s home, but failed to hear the address. The next day I went into the office, pulled all the dispatch tickets and went through them looking for the address which I eventually found.

I went home that night and wrote Mr. Price a three page letter, again relating our various encounters and outlining the idea of my TV show and mailed it. I never expected to get a reply. A short time later I received a hand written postcard from Mr. Price. The message: “Sounds like an interesting idea. Contact my agent” with his agent’s name, address, and telephone number.

At my earliest opportunity I call his agent, the legendary Walter Kohner of the Kohner Agency. I was transferred to Mr. Kohner’s assistant and explained who I was, how I knew Mr. Price and what I wanted to do and asked if it would be alright to include Mr. Price in the script. There was a long pause and then she said, “You know, most people don’t ask. They just do it and then call us. Hold on.” The next thing I knew I was talking to Mr. Kohner himself.

I again explained my plan, which he thought was intriguing and told me to send him the script when it was finished. About two weeks later I delivered the script. Know I planned to just drop it off but was asked to wait, then I was ushered into Mr. Kohner’s office. I found myself seated opposite an elegant, white haired gentlemen with a most genteel manner. We spoke of a number of things, including his Holocaust experience.

He told me about an autobiography he and his wife had written Hannah and Walter: A Love Story. It basically tells of his discovering Hannah, both captured and sent to different concentration camps, then reuniting years later and marrying. I can’t recall if he gave me a copy of the book or if I went out and bought it, but I read it. The chapters alternated, one chapter written by Walter, the alternate chapter written by Hannah. It’s a most moving book. I called him and suggested it would make a terrific TV Movie. But he down played the idea, being humble and quite modest.

A few weeks later Walter called me to tell me although he liked and enjoyed the script, he felt it conflicted with Mr. Price’s schedule. I did end up with three hand written post cards from Vincent Price, one of the most congenial celebrities it was my pleasure to know.

ENCOUNTERING GROUCHO MARX

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When I moved to Los Angeles in the early 1970's I found a job at Hunter’s Books Store in Beverly Hills (which is sadly no longer there-Hunter Books, not Beverly Hills). I would get a half hour for lunch and instead of eating I would walk the streets to see what celebrities I might see.

On one particular day I was at the corner of Little Santa Monica and Rodeo Drive and saw Groucho Marx walking through the crosswalk with a lovely young blonde girl, who I assumed was his nurse. (It had been reported earlier that week that Groucho had been ill).

Groucho was wearing a brown overcoat, a dark brown car, and under his arm he was carrying a small, toy stuffed gorilla. The gorilla was wearing a matching cap and had a cigar sticking out of it mouth, exactly like Groucho.

Seeing one of my idols, I rushed up to Mr. Marx, catching up to him in the middle of the crosswalk and blurted out “Groucho! How are you?”

To wit Mr Marx replied without missing a beat, “I’m fine, but not as good as my gorilla” and he kept walking, leaving me speechless and stunned in the middle of the crosswalk as the light changed, leaving me stranded. I was enamored with the notion of being insulted by the great Groucho Marx.

Several years later, I was working for National Screen Service. This was a company responsible for distributing publicity materials to theaters for motion pictures such as posters, lobby cards, and trailers. As fate would have it I took a

phone call from Erin Fleming; Groucho Marx’s assistant at the time. She was looking for photos from Marx Brothers movies for Groucho’s photo library.

She explained that author Richard Anobile who wrote or compiled the book “Why A Duck?” had photographed all of the photos in Groucho’s collection and copies of the photos were suddenly appearing in collector stores in Hollywood.

I found a few pictures in our warehouse, but out of curiosity I went around to some of the shops and discovered several behind-the-scenes and production photos that had been printed on brand new paper. I bought several of these and got in contact with Erin Fleming and told her what I found and she invited me up to the house on N. Hillcrest Drive in Beverly Hills.

Upon arriving, I realized this wasn’t her house but Groucho’s house. As I approached the door and prepared to ring the doorbell, the front door opened and actor Bud Cort came out, which was a bit startling. I went in and met Erin in the living room.

We sat there looking at the photos I had found at work as well as the several photos I had purchased in Hollywood. The reprints infuriated her. I was watching and listening to her and suddenly looked up and there was Groucho Marx.

I don’t know where he came from. I never heard him come in. It seemed like magic, like he had just appeared out of nowhere. And he was quite a sight. There he stood wearing sandals, argyle socks, olive drab Bermuda shorts, a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, and a pair of Mickey Mouse ears from Disneyland.

He was standing there silently studying the photo in his with no indication of recognition on his face. Erin looked up at him and very loudly (Groucho was very hard of hearing by then and to outsiders this may have sounded like she was shouting at him, which, of course, she was) asked what he thought of the picture.

“It’s a nice picture”, Groucho slurred. “That’s you and your brothers!” replied Erin Fleming. No sign of recognition came to Groucho’s face. The photo was a production still from one of the early Marx Brothers’ comedies. It had Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo in it and the once great wit didn’t recognize them.

I looked to Erin for some sign briefly, then looked up. As quietly as he had appeared, Groucho had vanished. It was a sad moment for me, seeing one of my idols and one of the great wits of the American theater, movies, and television in such a state.

Sadly, when Groucho passed away, it was stipulated in his will that any of his heir who contested the will would forfeit their inheritance. I believe it was Groucho’s son who convinced Bank of America to file a case against Erin Fleming, claiming that the ½ a million dollars and two houses he had left her were the result of fraud and abuse by Erin Fleming and she lost the case. I felt very sorry for her, for it was her efforts that prolonged the then 82 year old comedian’s life, especially arranging the now legendary 1972 one-man show “An Evening With Groucho Marx” held at Carnegie Hall. When groucho stepped onto the stage he was greeted by a standing-room-only audience all wearing the novelty “Groucho Glasses”.

But then, how many ordinary people can say “I met Groucho Marx”?