tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49422746887892786072024-09-04T21:11:28.705-07:00Adjustable Bedlam.Mark Woodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10045600888826156124noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942274688789278607.post-36059118171881989562007-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:002007-10-17T09:51:21.416-07:00From a reader:<br /><br /><blockquote>Dear Fragmatic,<br /><br />I work for a small accounting firm where most of us sit in cubes. My coworkers spend at least an hour every morning talking about traffic and road construction delays. I can understand this coming up in conversation once in a while, but I can't imagine why it has to take an hour and happen every day. What can I do or say to get this to stop?<br /><br />Signed, Frustrated in Fresno<br /><br /></blockquote>Dear Frustrated,<br /><br />The main issue here is that you have chosen a career field where people are naturally devoid of social skills. Sadly, it would seem you are the worst of the lot in the office, since everybody has daily conversations and you are unable to participate. The best solution for you is to try to get promoted to management. As a manager, your social failings can be easily re-interpreted as professional distance from the working class. Good luck!<br /><br />- FragMark Woodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10045600888826156124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942274688789278607.post-75436440332684352992007-09-07T07:14:00.000-07:002007-09-06T16:18:01.356-07:00Those of you planning to imbibe this weekend, be advised: Alcohol can seriously damage your drywall. Here's 100 proof:<br /><br /><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U1VmGjJJFrc"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U1VmGjJJFrc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="350" width="425"></embed></object>Mark Woodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10045600888826156124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942274688789278607.post-47027209139274178412007-09-06T15:52:00.001-07:002007-09-06T16:17:33.587-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_5iE1o7zFp-Y/RuCEvUfcZJI/AAAAAAAAAD4/00SFo_FcDuQ/s1600-h/fortune.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_5iE1o7zFp-Y/RuCEvUfcZJI/AAAAAAAAAD4/00SFo_FcDuQ/s400/fortune.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5107227925927453842" border="0" /></a>Nothing quite caps off the satisfaction of a mono-sodium- glutamate-filled meal like a completely inauthentic dessert.<br /><br />Fortune cookies are an American invention. Still, you'd think, wouldn't you, that a fortune cookie might contain, oh, I don't know, an actual <span style="font-weight: bold;">fortune</span>?<br /><br />Today's gem takes stupid fortunes to a whole new level. I don't even know what the name of that level is, it's so new. To whit:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Here we go. "Moo Shu Cereal" for breakfast with duck sauce.</span><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br /><div style="text-align: left;">It's as though somebody was dictating the fortune to a flunky, and the flunky didn't bother to remove the setup. I'll bet there's another fortune out there that starts with, "Oh, I've got one...".<br /><br />My theory: Fortune cookies are an American invention. The company who makes them has finally outsourced the fortune-generation process to China, who employs drunken coal miners using Babelfish to pen the witticisms.<br /><br />The cookies themselves? Leftover pulp from the rice paper factories, laced with almond flavor.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></div></div>Mark Woodmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10045600888826156124noreply@blogger.com0