Fragmentsinsight

A theory of chaos: overload in 4D

2022-08-19T15:30:00.000+02:00

It’s been long, since

I’ve tried to put my mind to paper

A transparency that does not exist

Invisible as I still am

Within these dimensions

I grieve the recognition

Of so many

That hidden path to all

And my unbearable incapacity

To find only You

To exist

2020-08-11T12:01:00.001+02:00

A wind flows through this fortress

Bent on finding release

Where through the slits deception seeps in

Fighting for dominion

This present breath is sustenance

Pulsing inspiration through the halls

To every room that needs it

A single loop of air

Is a vacuum’s ventilation

Meanwhile, back on earth

2017-01-15T15:43:00.000+01:00

Meanwhile, back on earth

Pirate girl made another wish to safe the world,

the days stretch their shadow a little longer,

and light diffuses its goal

We are just not into all that malarkey,

Ayden said,

and jumped at the chance

to throw it all away

Here’s to all the saints and sinners

who clearly don’t know

what it is to talk the fine line

in between glee and fury;

to play the good wife,

the daughter, the sister and the soul

and bend so many trait rules,

the pages of the book that knows it all,

curl up in chalkboard agony

And so the story goes

up in wind and down like confetti

blinding a world into thinking it just snows

What if

2016-09-19T15:32:00.003+02:00

What if

The water will overflow and cause a flood, taking everything with it

What if

Everything is all I have

What if

My swimming arms get heavy with melancholy muscle, and decide to go on strike

What if

The ocean (we call it that now) decides to break the shore?

What if

The pieces that I desperately try to hold together, drift apart

What if

I cannot find the glue (or clue) within me

What if

I am separated from myself, like debris from a disaster

What if

I am (that disaster)

What if

There isn’t enough warmth to dry the land

What if

The sun –that I should salute- burns every little thing I treasure?

What if

I am not like a phoenix

What if

I am

In retrospect

2016-02-10T12:39:00.000+01:00

It is trauma, he said

And made is sound as if it was all normal

But it wasn’t

Not to me

Not just then

I wear my watch 24/7, no exclusions

My watch is my lifeline

It keeps me sane

My ticking clock

Crowds no longer attract me

I avoid them like the plague

I used to be the fastest walker

Now I saunter

Watching them all steer clear of my stroll

Makes me candidate to a potential fall

And I can’t run away

Loud sounds, are shivers down my spine

Music on low or not at all

When I don’t know what’s coming

Silence is my only bearing

I never had that magical moment

Where time stood still

And all was mute

That trick of the mind

Closing-up to adjust, to cope

I’ve never been at that centre space

Where there was nothing, but prolonged time

Before the storm took hold

Instead I fell into raging sounds of breaking

And watched it all revolve

And pain, oh God the pain

I never lost it

Everything kept coming

And it still unfolds

So I wear my watch 24/7, no exclusions

My watch is my lifeline

It keeps me sane

My ticking clock

My beating heart

I am alive

Accidents happen / happen / happen / happen

2015-12-22T12:54:00.001+01:00

(This one without poet license. This one with ranting license. Beware! )

In a parallel universe

I would have overslept

that day

and I would have been an hour late at work

and gotten into trouble for it

but I would have been ok.

In another parallel universe

I would not have overslept

and would have been taken to the hospital

right after the accident

instead of too late

And I would have been ok, eventually.

In yet another parallel universe,

the emergency room of the hospital

would have scolded my GP,

for sending me for x-rays ten days late

Then, they would advice me to stretch my leg

as far as possible

before putting me in a cast from hip to toe

and I would have been ok-ish, eventually.

In yet another parallel universe,

at day 13,

the hospital personal would have listened

and recognised what I said and what they saw

when they removed the cast in emergency

And I would have had a last chance, to be ok, in near-ish future

In yet another parallel universe,

at day 23,

the hospital personal would have noticed

the bruises and sores and hyper sensitive nerve endings,

after taking off the second cast

and they would have acted accordingly

And I would have been ok, after 6 months, or so.

Instead of one year later

…. and going / going / going / going …..

Perfecting Imperfections

2015-10-29T20:29:00.001+01:00

I should celebrate the turn of events

that broke me, accidently,

earlier this year

A grant plan in the bigger scheme;

controlling my unstoppable motion,

silencing my knee-jerk fear

of never getting up once seated

… And now I sit

… and all I do is wonder

… How do I stand it?

… How did I?

After all

2015-05-25T19:18:00.000+02:00

It is a bit of a useless feeling

U s e l e s s

Contributing to nothing, really

A bit like me …

But that is a useless feeling

Eating away any lingering usefulness

Like a shadow of crows

Landing on a field of reaped sunflowers

Innocent

2015-01-16T17:10:00.000+01:00

The rampage trail

Of the sad elephant

The flutter of a bird

Trying to be butterfly heard

The desperate reach

Of a small hand’s angle

The brightest idea

Of the bigger bungling me

We are sliding

Upwards down

We are hiding

Until gone

It’s the token dream

Stirring up the rarest team

It must be in this nominal class

And my pliancy of resistant mass

That

We are sliding

Upwards down

And up

We are hiding

Until we matter

We are hiding

Hiding until gone

Unfound

2014-09-21T17:26:00.001+02:00

By holding everybody else’s fortress

You kept the peace

And successfully build

A ruin of your own dominion

Underneath my big umbrella

2014-09-21T17:00:00.004+02:00

And just like that

Summer is over

Big clouds gather

And disassemble

Like the trees

Giant showers of sorrow

Waiting for tomorrow

To arouse

The spring in my step

Coeval ghosts

2014-09-21T16:35:00.001+02:00

Among the crowd of hurried people

the one standing still

to notice

does not get noticed

but trampled

by passers by

who look the other way

ashamed to seem distinct

brushing

an untouchable

Tea ritual

2014-07-17T20:06:00.001+02:00

This is not a fragment

This is almost everything

This who I am,

Really am, right now

Utterly bare and completely me

Does that make this the final end?

Am I finished now?

Am I ready?

Actually, yes!

I am ready.

This is my Tea Ritual:

Sometimes you fall into perfect pieces
when you abandon initial design

Popular titles that say nothing in saying it all

2014-06-27T14:31:00.000+02:00

Unfinished is one of those

Broken

or Damaged

or Shadow

And how about

Night,

Darkness, even

Where the moon prays on the damned

But shouldn’t it be:

Damned be all,

if we are ever to overcome

such Tragedy

of being

just who we are

Foolish,

Destined

Mortals

Wearing our claims like a malady;

splendidly weary and trodden

A literary life

Or travesty?

A property of margins

2014-06-07T14:03:00.001+02:00

From that tender spot of silence

I can move

Where I thought I was too bruised

I can wander now

Anywhere I want

And see my failure

As just a little flaw

No longer insurmountable, too raw

Very soon another scar

Turns me into whom I am

Parameters

2014-05-29T12:39:00.000+02:00

If I could hold my breath

Indefinitely

If I could swim this ocean

Rapidly

If I could temper the waves

Gently

If I could dive for treasures

Conveniently

It is life, made easy

If I were the one

you need me to be

Fusion

2014-03-18T20:16:00.000+01:00

Words can change, apparantly
Like:
- mango

- mangle

- jumble

- tumble

- tangled up

Colours no longer determine sight

And familiar places need a map

to locate destination

Me? I am a beggar, suddenly

When even landmarks are broken

Is this the shortcut where I land?

Mirror

2014-02-08T14:06:00.000+01:00

I never pulled the plug

I just stopped stirring the water

Afterthought

2014-02-08T14:01:00.001+01:00

Every line has a self-destruct button

Hidden in a word

That doesn’t belong

Linger

2014-02-08T13:57:00.001+01:00

O, the thought of taking that step

The actual thought

Of that step

Before it is executed

…

It is executed

Fragments

2014-02-08T13:55:00.001+01:00

Before the world stops turning

Before time stands still

and shivers run down my spine

leaving a cold, I know, will never ease

Before the beginning of the rest

of my life, I just can’t possible imagine

Before the sky breaks into a million pieces

and diamond shards filter my line of sight

hurting for eternity

and take away my final light

It can just be morning.

Bare

2014-02-08T13:47:00.001+01:00

a one syllable synonym of Art
is Fear

(and how to overcome it)

... if I could wish myself away

2014-01-15T19:47:00.001+01:00

Change this pace

Mind numbing,

Feet stumbling,

Pain

Not just,

Please,

Just melt away

Out with the pour

Drowning by st((r)ain)

Mashed up

2013-12-19T20:12:00.000+01:00

Rolling drums

Vocal gongs

Warbled song

Raging Storm

Bright light

Take in lightning

Head breaks

Heart aches

Resilience aging

Unjust caging me

Back to youth

No one to sooth

Patience be gone

Ocean just run

Dunes hold on

I am all sorts of messed up

Dream n.: a state of abstraction

2013-10-13T15:18:00.000+02:00

I love that room,

paintshopped by hand

Every layered addition,

a work of personal art

You make me happy with your

composed sense of intricate humour

Are you aware nobody (else) seems to understand?

Go easy on the furnishings, though

They have a tendency to explode

Distraction n.: collapse from vision overload