As I walk up the mesa day after day, the seasons of life change right before my very eyes. I am committed to strengthen my heart and my recovery with the many gifts given to those who walk the earth every day. The commitment strengthens the body, mind and spirit. Committing ourselves to new behaviors is a personal resolve and a private journey to reach the top of the mountain. I want to see the sunrise at the very top because for my ancestors, this is a kind of ceremony for the human soul. The sunrise is filled with promise and hope, new life and a deeper commitment to my Higher Power. This morning the sunrise seems to be nowhere behind the mist that surrounds me but I have faith, even in the moment of not being able to see the day. The boundaries of the road are unclear but memory serves to remind me which way to walk. The absence of light seems to alter the familiar surroundings. I feel and see things differently today. Perhaps my perception is tainted by the edge of some subtle fear of the unknown. It is a misty kind of dream place. As I reach the highest point of the mesa, I realize that a gentle glow has begun to appear and I can see the path more clearly now. I still cannot see the pines or the surrounding mountains but I know they are there and I become grateful for lasting sobriety and strong spiritual health.

I have learned over time, that the trees do not die in winter. They rest dormant within the purification of the season and will burst forth with new growth in the Springtime. Even though we know these simple facts since childhood, in recovery the things of the soul of the earth make the longest journey of all time. They move from the head to the heart. No single thing lasts forever but the cycles of life are eternal. The spirit of the human soul has no other desire than the will to fulfill itself—to continue forever. This too shall pass. Time is the greatest teacher and our elders knew these simple a long time ago and found peace within the cycles of time and eternity. They became storytellers and healers. Their greatest joy was to share laughter and love with the children.

Life on life’s terms can present chaos over which we find ourselves completely powerless. These times can feel like a think fog that hides our gratitude and that sense of serenity we have come to enjoy. The sunlight of our recovering journey will burn away the foggy mist if we just wait it out and persevere through our difficulties. If we trust that our Creator is always near, even through adversity, we will emerge after a short time. The only thing constant within the sacred circle of life, is the ever-changing universe. We will always discover the warmth of success and find that once again that we stand in the sunlight of the Great Spirit.

Anyone can write whatever they choose about spiritual matters and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and form of worship, belief or ceremony. Ancient sacred Tribal rituals however, are another matter. American Indian Creation stories and language translations very often appear poorly represented in the public media as they are retold by individuals who are sadly misinformed. As the result, many indigenous peoples become less likely to share ceremonies with outsiders. We may feel inspired to share only in a general way, about the gratitude we feel for our culture and heritage without revealing particular sacred aspects of the ancient ceremonies. We do this because of some of the horrible misunderstandings that have occurred throughout history. The spirituality of our ancestors is not a fantasy world and neither are the dreams and visions experienced by some native people. Many of us hold a deep and reverent respect the workings of the Creator in our everyday lives.

When we attend 12-step meetings we often hear people describe various spiritual experiences, from a variety of religions or belief systems. There are hundreds of different types of Christianity, Judaism, native and many others. They are all good. None are wrong. We do not criticize the faith of anyone. We respect each other. We are grateful when anyone feels the presence of a loving Power that can keep them clean and sober. Our text reminds us that the book was written for the purpose of helping us find a Power greater then ourselves that can solve our problems.

An Ojibwa professor at Bemidji State University, Anton Truer, says, “The Great Spirit is both male and female and more, a force beyond our full comprehension.” I agree with his description for my own concept of a loving Higher Power but do not deny the concepts of others, no matter how different they sound to me. I have learned the value of open-mindedness and look for the similarities, rather than the differences between myself and others. This attitude makes it possible for me to know that spirituality is not fantasy, but rather the reigning grace of a loving God shard equally by everyone in recovery. Any of us who believe we can recover this way are truly blessed. We have made that impossible leap from the seemingly hopeless state of body, mind and spirit, to standing securely within the sunlight of the Spirit.

Devotion to Kateri is responsible for establishing Native American Ministries in the Roman Catholic Church all over the United States and Canada. Kateri was declared venerable by the Church in 1943 and Beatified in 1980. Thousands of devotees have made pilgrimages to the shrines erected for her and also to her birthplace at Auriesville, New York. They still do to this very day. Catholic missionary priests have learned from Native American Ministries to share their faith in more creative ways then was originally done. Fr. Earl Henley MSC, at Soboba Indian Reservation Mission Catholic Church in California, has attended the sweat lodge and joined the Bird Singers from the Tribe as they relate the ancient Creation stories in song. Religion is no longer “imposed” upon native people, but rather shared with Tribal members as the Tribe shares their spiritual ways with the Church.

A stained glass window above the altar at Soboba Indian Mission, beautifully depicts sage burning in an abalone shell with the smoke ascending to an eagle feather and the chapel is often blessed in the ancient language and ceremony by Tribal members. At the instillation of an Auxiliary Bishop, The Diocese of San Bernardino, California invited Tribal members to ceremonially purify the cathedral at the beginning of the elaborate celebration. Before the mass, Tribal members devoted to the Blessed Kateri, entered the huge congregation to the sound of guard rattles and as hundreds of people watched, purified the entire building according to ancient Tribal custom and prayed over the officiating Roman Catholic clergy and the altar. It was an extraordinarily impressive sight that made every native in attendance proud of our heritage and spirituality. No matter how we each understand our perspective Higher Power, Kateri expressed the wisdom that bridges can be built across the troubled waters of our past. We can share our culture without sacrificing or compromising anything of sacred value. We can love and be loved by our Creator and one another. We can respect the individuality and uniqueness of every faith and nation.

Kateri serves as a healer to native peoples of this land. She offers peace, humility and open-minded compassion to those who feel wounded by the cruel acts of genocide imposed upon the First Nations. To forgive is to heal. To hold resentment tightly within us is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die! Kateri expresses the notion that the Creator of us all is everybody’s God, no matter which name we use to address Him.

We drove through the most beautiful pine-covered wilderness I have ever seen to meet with elders and attend other small meetings and ceremonies and walk through sacred burial grounds. I was introduced to the back country of some members of my extended family. The land was wealthy with the powerful medicine of the First Nations here. I was humbled and more honored that anyone deserves to be honored. I was taken to the Abiinooji Aki Cultural Healing Center, where ancient ceremonial lodges were guarded by a fine stand of Ponderosa pine, as though the trees were the ancestral centennials, guardians of the old ways and language of the people.

We hiked miles through thigh-deep, damp light green fern in a thickly forested unmarked pathway to the burial sites of generations of Tribal medicine people. Even in physical death, their love and prayers permeated deep into my living soul and I surrendered to this precious and powerful moment in time. I was grateful for every surrender during the years of my recovery from alcohol and drug addiction, that carried me to this extraordinary series of events. Every time we got back in the car we headed northwards to reach our final destination along a snaking route past the Great Lakes that looked more like the shorelines of an ocean with beaches containing the tallest pines in all the world. I was completely enraptured by the endless wilderness around me. The small Canadian reserve was near the shoreline and across the huge body of water before me was the home of my family’s ancestral matriarchal clan. I completed my committed obligation to the local Tribe during the morning hours of my second day at the reserve. We were gathered in the Tribal hall and a buffet of salmon, cream cheese, and other native delicacies awaited my hungry indulgence. As I took a plate to fill, my hand was covered by the hand of another woman, who asked me to please wait before eating and come with her. Again I surrendered…reluctantly I surrendered.

I cannot relate the details of the next few hours without dishonoring the sacredness of the healing ceremony I attended. I was again driven by a complete stranger in a four-wheel-drive vehicle, deep into the ancient wilderness to a cabin near a ceremonial house. The ceremony was performed in the language of the people by a medicine woman and her apprentice. I had never learned the language but it was somehow supernaturally infused into me and I was able to communicate fluently and easily throughout the entire visionary experience. I witnessed a healing which would be considered by modern medicine, as completely impossible. When we surrender to the service with which we are presented, miracles beyond human comprehension may occur. We may journey to places and intimate dimensions of our culture, that reach far beyond our most wild and drunken dreams. Surrender and expect a miracle of healing and it will come!

Springtime required the physical labor necessary for clearing the land and planting foods that would grow and sustain us throughout the year. We had to be creative thinkers, using whatever resources we had. There were no tractors or sprinkler systems used in the production of food. Irrigation ditches were hand-dug and compost hand-mixed. The sun beat down skin that hadn’t felt the intense heat for many moons and out-of-shape bodies that worked hard as the degree of difficulty for survival increased. It was the natural way of our people. Prayers were said and ceremonies performed to honor the season and restore the needed physical strength for providing for our families. As the body aged, the spirit and mind became stronger until the wisdom of elder-ship was deeply profound. The elders were needed to teach the young how to live and love life. They taught through storytelling, how the earth, the botanicals and all the creatures lived in harmony with humanity without conflict.

Summer required us to endure the unforgiving heat, while tending to our homes and land, maintaining a prosperous quality of life. Weeds were again cleared and ditches deepened and repairs made to homes that had been weakened during the colder months. Harvesting early growth of herbal remedies began and the drying and preparation of medicines was done. Hides were tanned for clothing, firewood gathered for winter and the degree of difficulty increased. We again danced and prayed for survival.

Autumn brought the last huge harvest and showed us the fruits of our seasonal labors. Jerky was prepared, fruits preserved and syrup drained from beloved maple trees. Fences were mended and more firewood gathered and additional medicines prepared. Winter storage’s were packed in corners of the home as we prepared for the old way of Thanksgiving. Corn dances, prayer ceremonies and healing ceremonies increased with the degree of difficulty of the quickly cooling season.

Soon the season of popping trees came with the frozen tundra and snow-covered mountains. Hunting increased along with hand-made clothing and ice fishing. For the elders to provide the physical animation and enthusiasm of storytelling, the degree of difficulty increased. Healing ceremonies revealed newer generations of people being trained into medicine societies who prayerfully encouraged us to persevere throughout all things and seasons.

Each season provided a time of physical challenge and the gratification of difficult tasks performed well. Gratitude makes us love life and family and every way of the mountain Indians was a Thanksgiving day address for all the prosperity we enjoy. Food, clothing, shelter and laughter were of very great value to the people. They were worth every difficulty of the body mind and spirit. In recovery we are taught to maintain an attitude of gratitude for our recovery. The way in which we face the degrees of difficulty we endure, are to be celebrated and embraced as our greatest achievements, just like the seasons of the year. “If we are painstaking in this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.” If we are willing to work hard the harvest will provide great wealth. Celebrating the Solstices and Equinoxes is the embracing of the degrees of difficulty we endure, rising above them and celebrating life. Nothing invigorates the human soul more that a difficult hike up a high mountain in the icy cold of winter. If I want to feel fully alive, strong and renewed all I have to do is allow a slight increase in the degree of difficulty before me. Embrace, face and celebrate the seasons of the earth and the human soul!

Rain mixed with snow and sleet patters on my shoulders as I continue to fulfill my commitment to walk up the mesa every morning even in the coldest months of the year—the very dead of winter. The early hours of morning are still cloaked in complete darkness and the road is nearly invisible. It’s 20 degrees and the even the silhouettes of the frozen tree-skeletons cannot be seen this time of day. The half moon hides as though she were nowhere behind clouds that are heavy with the assaulting winter storm.

At the top of Smith Mountain the sun begins to squeak between the tops of the surrounding snow-covered mountains and a thick black layer of clouds. The first color of this icy day is provided by sparkling dew atop a delicate layer of green grass! Grass? It draws my attention away from the effort of the climb, to the subliminal renewal and love of my Creator. All that healing and honoring of the winter requires, is the willingness to search the world around me for the miracles of life. Life is stronger then the freezing cold. Suddenly a crowd of winter geese create a crescendo of sound that rises from the pond below as they celebrate in flight by heading to the larger water on the reservation near the casino, on the far side of the mesas. Then a coyote yips in the waning darkness near the river below. Then another and another as they celebrate a new kill, perhaps a young deer this time. As I head back down I am startled by two does dressed in heavy winter fur, bounding across my path. Life is in session and we are never ever alone! Soon the sun wins against the darkness and the road ahead is easier to follow. As light yawns across the earth, I see there is the same tiny delicate grass across the entire landscape. It sparkles with the new moisture of the recent quick storm as far as the eye can see. How have I not seen this before on other morning walks? I give thanks.

As our recovery continues to unfold into greater spiritual awareness, we are constantly being healed by the many subliminal murmurings of Creation. If we are open to these miracles, they appear before us like shiny new toys in the eyes of a child on Christmas morning. We learn to wonder and smile easily without judgment of one another. I have been exploring the wonders of the natural world for many years in various locations. The tiny winter tundra has always amazed me the most. Among the delicate grasses are also some clover-like growth that appears with a closer look. The elders say the medicines in the wilderness will show themselves to us when our heart and spirit are ready to find them.

Small plant life on the surface of Mother Earth changes more frequently than the seasons. There is always something new throughout the days and each tiny un-noticed herb provides new colors and aromas that make subliminal healing medicine beneath the floor of our consciousness. Seeing and smelling them causes hundreds of biochemical responses inside our bodies, of which we are completely unaware! We are affected every moment outdoors in the natural world. We rarely give thanks for these tiny medicines because we are rarely aware of them unless we learn to recognize them. As we recover we continually allow the gifts of Creation to enter more deeply into us to relieve us and heal us from wounds of our broken past. Just for today, we allow ourselves miracles of wholeness and freedom.

Winter is the time for storytelling. We pass on those stories from our ancestors to our children and grandchildren. They help us to know who we are and why we are here. We re-tell Creation stories about how our people came into this world. We tell personal stories and some funny stories. An old woman told me that storytelling is a dying art. Before she died, Margaret told me to keep storytelling alive for the children. Tell these things in an animated way with different voices for every animal and sound effects. Do not be afraid to be animated because this way the stories will be remembered. They will entertain the listeners. The elders told them around the central fire in the longhouse where the family gathered during the long winter nights to stay warm. The extended family was drawn close to each other in this loving way. The elders were magical in their storytelling. Some of the stories were about healing herbs or animals or beings who crossed into other dimensions to find answers for the villagers. The stories contained very descriptive accounts of sights, sounds, smells and other sensations so the listeners could really see and feel the lessons contained in them. It was like watching a good movie to hear these stories. They inspired in us the desire to paint the characters, or write songs and poetry to express our love of the characters who came to life for us on those cold long winter nights. The best stories had moral teachings woven between the lines so they were educational as well as being a great way to keep warm and pass the time.

In recovery we learn to tell stories of experience, strength and hope to inspire each other to stay sober. It’s how we carry the message to others. These stories also carry a moral lesson between the lines. It is the most important lesson we can learn. Our stories make us into an extended family of sorts, who loves and cares for one another. Our personal winter solstice was the end of our drinking, the darkest and longest night of the soul. If we survive that dark cold time then every day afterwards we are heading for the renewal of Springtime and new life. Getting sober is like standing barefoot on the frozen ground unafraid of the future because we are now resting in the loving hands of our Creator. We trust the process, the purification and healing that comes from patience and tolerance and moves us into happy, joyous freedom. We are not afraid of our pain and we enter into it with the courage to change. The stories of others who have made it through the dark night guide us like a light through the fear and unknowing. We learn to trust each other and eventually tell the stories of the steps that are lit by the adventures of our own experience. My Grandpa said the meeting was like the ancient council fire where the people came together for healing and wonderful things came to pass for them and countless others.

It is our heritage to be a strong people, durable and at peace with the natural world. I defy the comfort of my home and face the morning with the courage of my recovery. Ravens sit atop power poles and laugh at the weakness of humanity and the brokenness and alcoholism in Indian Country. When the great huge black birds are quiet, their silence whispers of mysticism and the sacred healing ceremonies of the ancients. They are scavengers and yet beautiful and strong. There is no doubt they will find food today. At the top I rest and catch my breath for just a moment, allowing the human soul to explore the hidden canyons across the valley. Along the creek below, golden light glows in the windows of the homes of the early waking village. An old truck rumbles reluctantly along the river road.

It seems as though nothing can escape the looming dead of winter. The fruits and flowers of summer have become the mulch of next years providence. Some elders will pass on this year to the warmer fields of forever and the wind blows deep into the bones of the survivors. Somewhere in the north country an arrow will find an elk today and another family will be well fed through the cold months. A Sagittarius child will be born today and war will continue in other parts of the world. Through it all the land of this holy place will be purified and prepared lovingly for the springtime to come. The power of survival will be assigned to some seeds, while others will wither. Bacteria, fungus’s and viruses will become dormant and many will permanently perish in a world where the freezing cold stops time. The coming solstice is the midnight hour of the cold season. Somewhere in the supernatural realm, new life stirs within the dream of Creation and will introduce itself as the next generation of all things.

Our disease of addiction is the purifying and sanctification of the human soul. It is the mystery of new creation and the continuing cycle of enlightenment. Like the frozen season, it brings us to the place of darkness and cold mortality. We find ourselves living the shortest and darkest day of our lives in our powerlessness. As we struggle into a spiritual renewal, through the steps, we begin the journey to the springtime of our consciousness. No longer numbed by our substances of choice, we become naked before the truth of our wounded-ness. We are like the tiny buds of new growth who await the sunshine of the spirit beneath the sheltering bark of the tree of life. What will be ahead for us? Will fear prevent us from bursting forth into the light or will we let life carry us to new exciting adventures, where we weep all our tears and laugh all our laughter? Will we answer the call to altruism and unselfishness or will we wither, relapse and die to become the dark rotting earth of yesteryear? We are finally faced with a decision, to choose either Life or Death. And so we choose life and emerge from our cocoon and enjoy the clean and sober freedom of recovery. We are purified in the most profound way of all—faith and fellowship.

As spiritual beings we are able to see how our thoughts and actions are either part of the problem or part of the solution. And the direction of our thoughts and actions determine the level of joy, peace and happiness we experience. As spiritual beings we are automatically linked with all Creation so when we pray we are heard. That’s why the steps work. They bring spiritual changes to our physical lives. They release us from addiction and insanity and set us free to move in a positive direction.

A spiritual way of life is not an easy way. The word spirituality sometimes brings to mind a frivolous or dreamy state of mind but it’s nothing like that. Life is filled with cold hard facts that can seem devastating at times and acceptance and action is the answer to all our problems. Spirituality enters the equation when we exercise faith in the fact that if we just do the right thing, the right things happen. Faith is an action word that requires commitment and actual effort on our part. Faith is having courage as we face the things in life that we fear, in spite of our fear. It takes practice to develop courage, faith and spirituality in an individual who has spent a lifetime expressing fear, guilt and shame. Some people express fear by carrying a gun everywhere they go because it makes them feel safe from predators. Practicing spiritual courage is facing the same environment using the protection of a Higher Power and practicing faith in the fact that we are safe within our spiritual life. Spirituality is confidence in the positive outcome of our right actions.

We are made of spirit. The function of the human body can be explained by a system of organic functions but our consciousness is supernatural. It cannot be recreated by man, only by our Creator. We are mystical spiritual beings and the physical body is only the vehicle we use in this life. If we understand our natural spiritual nature we will want to continue to nurture our recovery because addictions are only physical, not spiritual. Physical addictions remove our conscious spiritual connection with the Greatness of all things in the natural world. To be fully alive, we want to be fully clean and sober. We embrace all our emotions rather than try to deaden them. We come to terms with our wounded-ness, resentments and fears through the spiritual journey of the twelve steps. This may seem very difficult at first but as time goes on we cease to fear our feelings and learn how to deal with them as self-actualizing adults.

People of strong spirit are deeply immersed in the lives of themselves and others. They are not detached gurus who live in caves. The strength of their spirituality enables them to live fully in the moment and be honest, compassionate, self-sacrificing and straight forward with everyone in their world. There is no deceit, deception, hypocrisy or mediocrity. Every moment is valuable and precious. It is a great honor to be in the presence of a strong recovering human spirit!

Native Americans were the first “environmentalists” and will be the last. We were the first to defend this land and will also be the last. Our stories tell of the mysteries Creator teaches us in the behavior of the animals. We are given the opportunity to interact harmoniously with the earth, the elements, the medicines, the seasons and the interconnectedness of all things. If we live this way we will be happy and grateful. There are physical laws that must not be broken by humanity. If we try to defy these natural laws we create difficulties for ourselves and others. We are taught not to take more than we need and to share when we enjoy abundance and even when we have just a little. Shaken Skunk also said that when we feel lost or confused or wounded by this life, to take off our shoes and walk barefoot on the uneven ground. The natural earth will show us the way back to the Creator. The tender souls of our feet will seek the safest path that is free of stickers and sharp rocks and as we follow the path of the gentle woodlands we will find ourselves and the peace that comes with interacting responsibly with Creation. These are very simple ways that can be understood by a small child but may be too complicated for the sophisticated adult. In this world we seem to search for more complicated solutions to the problems that plague us. We try to think beyond the simplest things because we are creative humans.

Creative energies can be used for other activities besides complicating our lives beyond recognition. We can decorate our baskets and pottery with the colors of our dreams and the passion of the human soul. We can sing to the Creator, the sky and the earth and each other. We can give thanks for the harvest. We can make drums and we can dance to the heartbeat of the mother earth and learn the rhythm of the drum from our own heartbeat. We can do these simple things or we can get caught up in the competitive world of mass commerce and telecommunication. The choices are ours for the making. We can live and let live or entangle ourselves in the negative co-dependence of others. Recovery tells us to let go and let God, and to keep it simple. The old ways are simple. If we use common sense in our choices and separate ourselves from grandiose ideas, we can live happy joyous and free. If we are keepers of the sacred earth we are happy and own deep in our hearts, the knowledge that our grandchildren, great grandchildren and beyond, will have the opportunity to enjoy the gift given so generously to all the keepers of the sacred earth.