Francesca's a little red a little blue stories

THE LAST NOTE ON A TABLE! Written By Francesca N O'Keefe@

2013-04-03T06:30:00.003-07:00

Life is full of U-turns don't look at me that way. ''I'' you dare to get scared of me! My hands are clean my chin is up towards you. If I tumbled down time to time, it's just because I'm human! So Bare with me! I am the one who'd carry you on her back without a sigh! Silenced! But will come to that moment:))) Yes ''I'' only carry ''I'' one life. I carry one life. One heart. No doubts of past days. Have loved so many times. I failed so many times. I fail down so many times. My knees are cut. I stood up again and again. I've met so many soul butchers, tried to cut down my life tree. I bared with life. I bared with loneliness. I bared with lies and cheat. I bared with souls who had no love in their hearts. As the years passed I figured man's heart made of wood. Women's heart made of glass. And when the glass is broken, unmendable. Women needs more miracle. When she cries it's from the heart. She cries screaming. Different part of the women feels the same way. She holds on to her dream with a boat made of paper and she sails her dreams out to unknown. Thank God I can cry. Thank God I can breathe. And protest these wild comings and goings. True color is not shown yet. Prepare your hearts I will come in to your hearts without giving you notice. I'm wet just rain showered over my head. Don't set your hopes high I am only mom's miracle. Only she tries to protect her only daughter. Her shadow warms my soul. Whenever she cries I get angry. I say why you cry mom? She says I'm so happy that's why. Just like that happiness is rhetorical question of the matter. There is nothing left before you or you after you. Time to time I think of you. Time to time I shed a tear out of the blue. Time to time I revoke myself. Time to time I go and comeback. What can you do more when a heart beats with love but without the loved one? Life is full of U-Turns. You dumped me to this ocean. You left me behind. If I cry shout, yell, scream. It's all because I'm happy. We cover so many things with tears. So I lock myself in to my room. I burried my past in to your grave. While giving up on love since you have disappear...I look at my dog Toffee's forehead, there is a big heart shape on her forehead. She lays by my side. Put all of your hopes ,dreams and memories to one suitcase. Because that is the only thing you will take it with you to end of your journey. Before you was the same after you. Empty......Like it said The last note on a table.....!

LA ÚLTIMA CARTA SOBRE LA MESA written by Francesca N O’Keefe- Translated by Claudia Molina Basteris

2013-04-03T06:27:00.002-07:00

La vida está llena de giros, no me mires así. ”Mi Yo” !osas tener miedo de mi! Mis manos están limpias, mi barbilla levantada hacia ti. Si he caído de vez en vez, es debido a que soy ¡simplemente humana! Así que lidia conmigo. Yo soy la que te cargaría en mi espalda sin siquiera suspirar. ¡En silencio! Y llegará ese momento:))) Si ”Yo” solo cargo a ”Mi” una vida. Yo cargo una vida. Un corazón. Sin dudas de los días pasados. He amado tantas veces. He fracasado tantas veces. He caído tantas veces. Mis rodillas están lastimadas. Y yo me he levantado una y otra vez. He conocido a tantos carniceros del alma, trate de cortar el árbol de mi vida. Sobrelleve la vida, sobrelleve la soledad. Sobrelleve las mentiras y el engaño. Yo lidie con almas que carecían de amor en sus corazones. Con el paso de los años entendí que el corazón del hombre está hecho de madera. El de la mujer de cristal. Y cuando el cristal se rompe, irreparable. La mujer necesita más el milagro. Cuando ella llora, llora del corazón. Ella llora gritando. Diferentes partes de la mujer sienten de esta misma manera. Ella se aferra a su sueño con un barco hecho de papel y navega con sus sueños hacia lo desconocido. Gracias a Dios que puedo llorar. Gracias a Dios que puedo respirar, y poder protestar de estas locas idas y venidas. El verdadero color no ha aparecido aún. Preparen sus corazones. Yo llegaré a sus corazones sin previo aviso. Estoy mojada, la lluvia mojo mi cabeza. No pongan sus esperanzas en alto, Yo solo soy el milagro de mi mamá. Tan sólo ella trata de proteger a su hija única. Su sombra calienta mi alma. Cuando ella llora, yo me enojo, yo le pregunto ¿Mamá por qué lloras? Ella contesta estoy muy contenta, ese es el motivo. Así como esa felicidad es la pregunta retorica del asunto. No quedo nada antes de ti o después de ti. De vez en cuando pienso en ti. De vez en cuando lloro una lágrima así de la nada. De vez en cuando me retracto. De vez en cuando voy y regreso. ¿Qué mas puedes hacer cuando un corazón late con amor, pero sin el amado? la vida está llena de giros. Tú me arrojaste a este océano. Tú me dejaste atrás. Si lloro fuerte, chillo, grito. Es porque mesiento contenta. Cubrimos tantas cosas con nuestras lágrimas. Así que me encierro en mi cuarto. Enterré mi pasado en tu tumba. Y mientras me doy por vencida ya que tú has desaparecido…yo veo la frente de mi perro Toffee, tiene una imagen en forma de un corazón. Ella se acuesta junto a mí. Pon todas tus ilusiones, sueños y memorias en una maleta. Porque eso es lo único que te llevaras contigo al final del camino. Antes de ti, era lo mismo, después de ti lo mismo. Vacio…como dice La última carta sobre la mesa…..!

La dernière note sur une table …..! Written By Francesca Nina O’Keefe-Translated by Bob Ore

2013-04-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

La vie est pleine de tours et de détours ! Ne me regarde pas comme ça ! “Je” vous osez avoir peur de moi!? Mes mains sont propres, mon menton est avancé vers vous. Si je dégringole de temps en temps, c’est juste parce que je suis humaine! Sois patient avec moi! Je suis celle qui va te porter sur son dos, sans un soupir! Sans un mot! Sans une parole ! Mais nous viendrons à ce moment-là :))) Oui “Moi ” je peux seulement porter «Je» le temps d’une vie. Je porte une vie. Un cœur. Plus les doute de ces derniers jours. J’ai aimé tant de fois. J’ai échoué tant de fois. Je suis tombée tant de fois. Mes genoux sont coupés. Je me suis levé encore et encore. J’ai rencontré tellement de bouchers de l’âme qui ont essayé de réduire mon arbre de vie. Je me suis mise à nu devant la vie, à nu avec la solitude. J’ai mis à nu le mensonge et la triche. J’ai mis à nu les âmes qui n’avaient pas l’amour dans leur cœur. Au fil des années j’ai pensé que le cœur de l’homme était fait de bois, celui des femmes en verre. Et quand le verre est cassé, il est irréparable. Les Femmes ont besoin de plus de miracles. Quand elles pleurent, c’est du fond du cœur. Elles pleurent en hurlant. Les différentes parties de la femme ressentent la même chose. Elle s’accroche à son rêve avec un bateau en papier et elle navigue sur ses rêves vers des terres inconnues. Dieu merci, je peux pleurer. Dieu merci, je peux respirer. Et protester contre ces allées et venues sauvages. La vraie couleur n’est pas encore montrée. Préparez vos cœurs car je viendrais dans vos cœurs sans vous en aviser. Je suis humide, arrosé par une douce douche de pluie au-dessus de ma tête. Ne placez pas vos espoirs démesurément, je ne suis que le miracle de ma mère. Elle n’essaie que de protéger sa fille unique. Son ombre réchauffe mon âme. Chaque fois qu’elle pleure, je me fâche. Je lui dis : Pourquoi tu pleures maman? Elle me répond je suis heureuse, voila pourquoi ! Juste comme le bonheur est une question rhétorique. Il ne reste rien devant vous ou après vous. De temps en temps je pense à toi. De temps en temps je verse une larme à l’improviste. De temps en temps je me révoque moi-même. De temps en temps je vais et je reviens. Que pouvez-vous faire de plus lorsque le cœur bat d’amour, mais sans être aimé en retour? La vie est pleine de tours et de détours. Tu m’as jeté en plein dans cet océan. Tu m’as laissé pour compte. Si je pleure si je crie je hurle c’est seulement parce que je suis heureuse. Nous couvrons beaucoup de choses avec nos larmes. Alors je m’enferme dans ma chambre. J’enterre mon passé dans ta tombe. J’ai laisse tomber l’amour, puisque tu as disparu … Je regarde le large front de Toffee mon chien. Il a dessus la forme d’un large cœur. Mettez tous vos espoirs, vos rêves et vos souvenirs dans une valise. Parce que c’est la seule chose que vous allez emporter avec vous à la fin de votre voyage. Avant vous est la même chose qu’après vous. Vider …… Comme il est dit : La dernière note sur une table …..!

THE LAST NOTE ON A TABLE! Written By Francesca N O'Keefe@ by Francesca Nina O'Keefe (Notes) on Friday, March 29, 2013 at 8:17am

2013-03-29T13:25:00.002-07:00

Life is full of U-turns don't look at me that way. ''I'' you dare to get scared of me! My hands are clean my chin is up towards you. If I tumbled down time to time, it's just because I'm human! So Bare with me! I am the one who'd carry you on her back without a sigh! Silenced! But will come to that moment:))) Yes ''I'' only carry ''I'' one life. I carry one life. One heart. No doubts of past days. Have loved so many times. I failed so many times. I fail down so many times. My knees are cut. I stood up again and again. I've met so many butcher souls tried to cut down my life tree. I bared with life. I bared with loneliness. I bared with lies and cheat. I bared with souls who had no love in their hearts. As the years passed I figured man's heart made of wood. Women's heart made of glass. And when the glass is broken, unbendable. Women needs more miracle. When she cries it's from the heart. She cries screaming. Different part of the women feels the same way. She holds on to her dream with a boat made of paper and she sails her dreams out to unknown. Thank God I can cry. Thank God I can breathe. And protest these wild comings and goings. True color is not shown yet. Prepare your hearts I will come in to your hearts without giving you notice. I'm wet just rain showered over my head. Don't set your hopes high I am only mom's miracle. Only she tries to protect her only daughter. Her shadow warms my soul. Whenever she cries I get angry. I say why you cry mom? She says I'm so happy that's why. Just like that happiness is rhetorical question of the matter. There is nothing left before you or you after you. Time to time I think of you. Time to time I shed a tear out of the blue. Time to time I revoke myself. Time to time I go and comeback. What can you do more when a heart beats with love but without the loved one? Life is full of U-Turns. You dumped me to this ocean. You left me behind. If I cry shout, yell, scream. It's all because I'm happy. We cover so many things with tears. So I lock myself in to my room. I burry my past. While giving up on love since you have disappear...I look at my dog Toffee's forehead, there is a big heart shape on her forehead. She lays by my side. Put all of your hopes ,dreams and memories to one suitcase. Because that is the only thing you will take it with you to end of your journey. Before you was the same after you. Empty......Like it said The last note on a table.....!

WAITING FOR GODHO! written by Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-08-19T03:45:00.001-07:00

Who am I to tell someone to apologize or when to apologize? We all make mistakes right? And we all know how to apologize? However the process of forgiving takes a while. Is forgetting is forgiving? How many things we can forgive or forget? I think if someone doesn’t repeat the same mistake they've still got a chance to be forgiven.
11 am in the morning in Istanbul. I had a guest, which was a cat in my home, name Pasha. I am like a real writer now. Typing and a cat landed by my side from nowhere? I am scared the cat might jump out of the windows. So windows are closed. Funny but it had happen to the rabbit that I bought for a friend. It jumped out of a balcony just like that. So I am scared. I am scared of what will or would happen before I can go on.
No more birds chirping nor seagulls flying above my head. I miss going away. There will be a moment I will leave again. It is the nature of my life.
I am apologizing from my life. It sucks at the moment. Still I can’t jump off the balcony like my rabbit. Thinking like her; I will land safely on the ground.
There is this unbearable missing towards something. I want to take a boat trip and just fish for 1 month. Only action I want to take is in the name of thinking is playing chess against myself.
The thing you call miracle, doesn't happen with one person maybe. These warm days will pass. These glory of living will give me my present of my life.
I was watching this singer singing in a colosseum then another performer. Full of people listening one song and then waiting for one glimbs of smile or a laughter.
Then I have noticed. Someone took away from me my dreams from me while I was in my sleep. Then it reminded me the reason of living. A man without a dream is no one. Am I no one? Yes maybe I've lost my dreams. So I live like no one. But here again a little deep note to my God and to your God. May God give us back all of our dreams. May we all live our dreams. And live a life dream come true. Other wise no reason to hang on to something it doesn't belong to you.
Never mind me today. Life has always it's own weight when you share what you have and when you dream.
So I am waiting for my Godho to bring me back my dreams....

In love, Las Vegas Written By Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-07-15T02:25:00.000-07:00

I can’t breathe until you’re resting with me. It always feels like you’re resting here with me. So much harmony is around you while I live. I don’t even want to move at times. It feels like it’ll change my memory….
Is whatever happens in Las Vegas become like Lost in Vegas? No, I do know what I want, I just won’t go, I can’t hide, and I can’t leave…
Never let me go! Love me more and more!
I am lost in your wilderness.
Since I left you I grow. I became a woman of my own,
After you lost me, maybe there is a sunset blvd. in our life that we belong to Red so Red bar our drink is whisky…
I am f……ng off these days with others.
Maybe one day you can be like me and hold my hand to bungee jump out of our world.
So we can run away for good….
Until we wake up on one pillow. Until we die.
I want to dream of that moment. Until the last day of my life, without any regret…
If god created me for you, you’ll find your way to find me wherever I am…
Loving you is the best thing I can do….
Leaving you is, Just for you to come back (return) to me…
I wish you understand me and care and value me as much as I value and care for you. But, such as life.

UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN written by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-07-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

Once I was on a plane and traveling . A lady sat by me. We talked for a while and she read some of my writings. She told me to watch "under the Tuscan sun". And she told me there is a character called "Francesca" just like me. Strangely enough I haven’t watch the movie for 2 years. Two years later I was having one of my lazy Sundays. I sat, turn on the movie. As soon as I heard "Francesca" I said what the heck maybe there this magic message from the universe “The Secret” Yes I watch that too. It works funky with me. But this time it was strange. Now I live very close to the wedding ballroom. So Saturdays and Sundays are too much traffic around here in Istanbul. Everybody is getting married. It’s banging in my ears. I don’t want to get married. But it makes me feel I should want that. What kind of man can handle me? For sure a rare breed! Someone with no complex! Whom not competing with others or me.

Anyways. In the movie , This Francesca went to Tuscany bought a house. In the house she wanted to have a family, wedding and a child.

At first her friend who was pregnant came, had the baby she watched, and then she had a young worker who fell in love with a rich girl. They got married in her home.

She watched all of her friends. Then she met this handsome Italian romantic guy. He swept her off her feet with nice words. She was staying with her ways. She went out and changed her black dress to white dress. He liked white. He went to the other town she followed him and her heart. Ups. The guy was with another Italian chick. She came back her home. Broke things and cried.

And at the wedding party of her emplyee She noticed a thing. There was a wedding in the house and a family. Future. She lay on the couch content. And then this man came in to her life out of the blue. Picked a ladybug from her arm. And she began a new life….

Can we do this? For every woman can be a man the way they want? I think he’s out there in the universe.

But remember the secret….

1- Don’t settle less or more! Settle for what you looking for.

2- Be available and get rid of the old one. The one makes you unhappy lies to you but comes back to you with a charm. And you maybe are accepting him back. Say no this time. Start fresh.

3- If a man tells you ; you’re not in his criteria or he doesn’t like to get up watch you putting a make up on; He’s not for you, He’s probably in love with an image of you rather then you .I repeat again you deserve better.

One day I feel you’ll find that man maybe a ladybug will bring it you. He will care for who you are. Not what can you do for him. He will just be there and enjoy watching you under the Tuscan sun waking up. Walking and maybe getting old gracefully on a chair sitting side by side and enjoying nice glass of wine over the sunset with a breeze of life.

Madness by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-03-01T10:51:00.001-08:00

FRANCESCA"I KNOW"

2011-03-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

FRANCESCA"IF I CAN"

2011-03-01T10:50:00.001-08:00

"NECROPOLIS"

2011-03-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

FRANCESCA"IF I CAN"

2011-03-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

BEING WITHOUT YOU STARTS WITH BEING WITH YOU written By Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-02-20T07:54:00.000-08:00

Without you, starts with you! It starts with your unnecessary doubts and suspicions. It starts with your capricious blames on me for doing things when I don't do anything. An artist is not only your lover or property. An artist property of the public. An artist should be shared. That's the way it goes. An artist day begins without making love thinking and producing. If you go against this then it will start conflict of being without you while with you. There's this softness on the pillow with humble welcome. There's this unshared cold rooms in the house with dampness of tears on the walls. When there's this cold no woman putting out bosoms out of the windows. There's this faraway stolen metropolitan city from me. I live in the world between sick and not sick. There's a world, where my love always tested in it, like urine test. I don't get where am I with this love? Soon there it is! A silence in the room, collapsed. While you're peeling potatoes and chirping the eggs with wild passion nervously Teoman sings to Lily, I can't be without you! http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgvhvi_nylufer-teoman-sensyz-olmaz_music
I'm sitting on the berjer chair by the window apposed to the sea like a refuge cat ready to give birth. The trees are bare naked this winter. I'm 50 foot away from the sea. While you're angry at me. Teoman's song says; Lily can't be without you. I forgot I loved to tango. I forgot how Tango was beautiful. You ask me in the middle of writing mood, if these potatoes can be eaten when its flowers ? I say your mother says it can't be eaten, you asked me what I think? I say I eat it nothing happened to me yet. You stop peeling the Potato , you come by me to put a kiss on my lips. You tell me this should be our song from now on! Name of the song is, would not be without you! What if while we're in love, we don't love each other? What if our hearts wants to be free and not tied to anywhere. What if the time is before the sunset, then no dawn? Neither I sit alone in this berjer? Nor two people can't fit in to this chair? No fire in the fireplace, it makes you clear to see the absence of warmth at this home. Too many potatoes you pealed for four eggs. You were cold so I wrapped my blue scarf around your waist. I sat, I wrapped to myself in to space. My feet are cold. There are blows on your head. Again you hit your head somewhere. Struck down and made love to me like a man for 10 times. Would continue to make love but you're eyes were out of your eye-sockets. At first you were my problem. Now you're my great responsibility. I'm living with you, without you all the time. Behold, I say, but I slip back into my old flame. But that would be the old version of this story with no difference. "No one is", "no different"! Stories are the same, characters are different that is all. I decided. Men do not know love. Only Women know how to love. Unfortunately, the weather is cold, sharp as nails going through my skin. This home, got to have a new layout. Then I need to go without leaving a half job behind. It must be destiny to be a Queen while being a slave of someone else. Tonight, I want you to drink my blood! Lets leave shame, no shame, sin, wrong behind. Lets live, so we don't live without us, while living together. I'm hungry! Suck me!

DEPART written by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-02-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

There is this funny look left behind after this sad depart from heart of cloud. Leaving is the story of my life. This morning I departed from my home, my bed, my street, my coffee shop. I arrived to the airport so late. I hate me. I fell asleep for the first time. 5 am took a taxi. Demand to the taxi driver taking the La Cienega Blvd. While in the taxi battling with the airline people fixing my ticket, I hate flying in the middle of the winter out of Los Angeles. When there is great weather begging for me to stay I don't even look back, easily packed my everything in ten to fifteen minutes. I know I'm late for something. I know I'm late to feel again. I passed through the roof tops while leaving Los Angeles. Mexican town lost in American continentant. On the plain I was worrying about if I'm going to make it to my later flight 4: 45 pm made a big mistake. All I made was to New York. Over the Pacific Ocean. Pacific Ocean was frozen. Turbulences after turbulence as if we shook the hands of God. Maybe God shooked the plain of the clouds with scare. Or pilot was high. My connecting flight took off without me. The story of my life. I'm in the jungle of New York somewhere between china town and 55th and 2nd Ave. Streets are ice cold. Everything shrinks down to size zero here. Thai restaurant was nice. No appetite of love or life. Something’s leaving my soul without giving me the notice. This heart should not be this cold. This life should not be this dull. I'm between adopting a pet or a kid. I live far, far out of my mind these days. Touch me' this is the last take we will have before my departure.

GOLDEN BOY TANJU COLAK (CHOLAK) AND HIS COME BACK KID STORY written by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

2011-02-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Golden boy Tanju Colak (Cholak) journay began in the small town Trabzon/Turkey continued with major leagues. He became a first Turkish goal champion in Europe. He had achieved a golden shoes award. He was and he is such a down to earth athlete.
We create Heros in Turkey, but we take the greatest pleasure to kill the heros we created. Tanju Colak my childhood hero is in my mind always. I do not know why? I have been following him. And what has be doing for under the financial difficulty kids. And I say bravo. He became a very good coach for kids. The output of his career as a top scorer in Europe announced as the first Turk. I think from Tanju's career no different from Maradona or Pele. Maradona learnt football on the streets of Argentine. Pele learnt it in the rain forests. Tanju came from nothing, grew in the back streets of Trabzon. Then His career strolled in to European football stadium like a Turkish hurricane. He was the first Turkish footballer used back kick like Pele. So he bend it like Pele. He was an real athlete. He is actually very humble. He was not one those snobs like todays football stars.. Yeah I think Tanju was best Turkish footballer and was best ever. Who led the recent end of his career? Turkish Actress Hulya Avsar and their affair was out on papers and his career inclined. It takes two to Tango. But the biggest factor in finishing his career was his forbidden love. He was proud but not ashamed of is doings. Behind that man this woman had a past filled with shame. I always write things, but people likes to read between the lines. They do take paragraphs out of the context. But whatever there is between these paragraphs. Tanju Colak career was wasted by fundamental people. And people cared more about his personal life rather than his football. Tanju Colak have done in the past, no matter what the condition of his life willingly or with force of financial difficulty forced him to the thinks he'd done, Tanju Colak (the comeback kid story) I love it. If you are trying to write a book of a man with this turbulent life and career from a Black Sea, this crazy kid had guts to finish his book, with the last chapter he completes with such a signature move and if this life should be written in to a movie one day it should end like this. In spite of everything these days, the family of clusters has demonstrated by the mastery of the dark world of magazine. His respect for the protection of them unbelievable. Mr Tanju Colak I don't know you personally. But your career in helping kids with financial trouble these days, taking them out of the streets and teaching them football, going from town to town giving them joy of sports and love finally, made me feel; At the end you did your famous back kick. I would like to congratulate you. Your leave was sad but your return was fantastic. Keep on going.

I'M BORED! Written By Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-02-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

One of my ex lover told me today he was bored of me. Tell you the truth; I was more bored of him. So I laughed at myself. I was bored of him emotionally and financially. What kind of smart man will tell his girl friend before splitting up, he's bored? Well, I'm so bored of him I can blow up! In reality we women get bored all the time, we never show. I'm bored of being with someone and living with no one. I'm bored of people taking away from me more than giving me something. I'm bored of this windy mornings. I'm bored of the same bed, the same under-wears, the same home and the same type of man in my life. I am bored. I'm bored of ignorance. I'm bored of helping others giving them advise while I can't even advise myself. I'm bored of giving up my freedom for the people in my life. If I wake up I don't have the cheese I liked on the table. I do want to make a fuss about it too. I do want to lay on the couch and make a fuss about it. I do want to get mad when my pasta not have the souse I want. I do want to break everything. I'm bored too. When someone doesn't buy me the things I want, I do want to hit the ground with my foot like a little girl and scream. I do want to sit at the cafe shop in Paris and sip my Café Olé. I'm getting bored when those things doesn't happen. I do want to go to Argentine and tango all night with a man I don't even know of. I do want to dip my toes in to the sea from a nice yacht in Monaco. I want to have the luxury to say in the middle of the way from no where out of no reason. I want to say; I am bored. The Champagne's cork was opened with a splash. My feet were cold. So I worn socks. There is a loneliness serenade in my heart. While spring leaves sprinkling on the streets sun bursts in to the scenery. These springs, winters, summers are fake! I'm cold or I'm warming up. This violin concerto, this piano drives me crazy. I'd say lets make love but we can get bored. Meanwhile if we're bored of each other when we are not together, we really must be bored. I'm bored of getting sick. I'm bored of walking. I'm bored of eating but not digesting. Yes, I'm bored of everything and everyone this morning except writing. Writing doesn't bore me today. Before I forgot I've met his dream of shadow today. I said to him hello can I sit by you? I changed my mind left the table. Yes, just he did not bore me! But I didn't want to get bored by him.

SIKILMAK ( İNGİLİZCE OLARAK ''I'' YI ''İ''OKUYUN) Yazan Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-02-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

Sevgililerimden biri ben den ayrılırken benim dengesizliğimden sıkıldığını yazmış. Çok güldüm. Sıkılmak; Ay ben de çok sıkıldım. Hemde inanılmaz......! Maddi manevi sıkıldım!( bu kelimeyi ingilizce okumaya devam) Hangi akıllı adam sevgilisinden ayrılırken sıkıldım kelimesini kullanır ki? Hangi akıllı adam böyle bir tufaya düşer? Aslında biz kadınlar o kadar çok sıkılıyoruz ki ama hiç belli etmiyoruz. Bende sıkıldım.Bu biriyleyken hep yalnız yaşamaktan. Ben de sıkıldım boş yere sinirlenip yumuşamaktan. Hayatımdan benden alıp gidenlerden bende sıkıldım. Rüzgarlı sabahlardan. Aynı yataktan, aynı yatak odasından aynı iç çamaşırlarından. Aynı tip erkeklerden bende sıkıldım. Sıkıııııldım sıkıldım. Cehaletten ona buna akıl vermekten ama kendime akıl vermekten aciz olmaktan. Bende sıkıldım onun bunun için özgürlüğümden hayatımdan fedakarlıklar etmekten. Bende bir sabah uyanıp masada istediğim peynir olmayınca avazım çıktığı kadar bağırıp bir koltukta yayılmak istiyorum. Ben de sıkıldım. İstediğim kıyafet alınmayınca tepinmek. Makarnam sossuz yapılınca ortalığı yıkmak istiyorum. Bende istiyorum Pariste Café Olé imi içmek. Sıkılıyorum bunlar olmayınca hep sıkılıyourum. İktidarsızlık o kadar çok var ki etrafta. Arjantine gitmek ve tanımadığım bir adamla bütün gece tango yapmak istiyorum. Bende ayaklarımı tekneden Monaco da tekneden sarkıtıp ıslatmak istiyorum. Bende yola devam edip yarı yolda sıkıldım deme lüksünü istiyorum. Bu baharlar, bu kışlar, bu yazlar yalancı. Şampanyanın mantarı çoktan fırlamış. Ayaklarım üşümüz çorabımı giymişim. Yalnızlık serenatı var bu kalpte. Sonbahar yaprakları varken caddelerde bir hışımla haber vermeden usulca çıkıyor güneş. Bir üşüyorum, bir ısınıyorum sıkıntıdan. Bu keman konçertosu, bu piano beni mahvediyor. Sevişelim diyecem ama sıkılabiliriz. Bu arada biribirimizin yanında olmadan sıkılıyorsak gerçekten sıkılıyoruzdur. Hasta olmaktan sıkıldım. Yürümekten sıkıldım. Yemek yiyip hazım edememek ten sıkıldım. Evet ben herşeyden herkezden sıkıldım. Bir tek ,bir tek yazmaktan sıkılmadım bu gün. Birde onun hayaliyle karşılaştım merhaba dedim ona bu gün. Ondan sıkılmadım....

REALITY OF HEALTH ISSUES IN LOS ANGELES AND ULCER written by Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-02-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

If you ever get an ulcer; If you are young, no doctor will diagnose you! Since you're young they won't even advise you to have colonoscopy or endoscopy. In Los Angeles if you get sick and if you don't have an insurance you're better of crossing over the mexican border. Because doctor's won't waste their time with you. They are money makers for the drug companies and the hospitals. Sorry to disappoint you, but most of them are ripping off the insurance companies as well as the patients. Here is my example. I went to the doctor E.R. Doctor could not diagnose me at all and send me home prescribed me anti acid over the counter. Then he'd sent me through the hospital 850 dollars bill, just taking my temperature listening to me. Doctor's have no patience over patient. They really don't want to even touch you unless you're insured. If you tell them you have no insurance and you want to pay in cash they charge you the same amount when you have insurance. How? Say your treatment costs 5000 bucks you end up paying with insurance 2000 bucks. If you don't have insurance your bill is 2000 bucks. So with or without insurance what you pay is the same. Unless your leg is chopped off or you have cancer in your family getting insurance is useless. If you have a top insurance that is great. Well lets get back to ulcer. Since doctors can't diagnose you. I advice you write down your own symptoms on a piece of paper. And research it on line. Yes, diet is the key. Don't drink alcohol, eat chocolate or greasy food. STAY AWAY FROM THEM! Meditate and relax. Get away from stress. You can try to go water diet. Which means you do not eat anything or drink anything but water one whole day. Next day add french bread with your meal. Do not eat meat next day. Eat only Turkey in the afternoon. No matter what you do , you have to find a way to get colonoscopy and endoscopy. And ulcers has to be treated. And if you don't have insurance in Los Angeles. They (hospital people) will tell you can go to county hospital. However it is very difficult. As I mention before you better just cross the mexican border!:))) Good luck and get well!

I WILL SURVIVE CEDARS SINAI! written By Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-01-23T23:54:00.000-08:00

I was so sick past 20 days. 2 days before New Year's Eve I was taking some cheap Aspirin. New Year's Eve drank too much on top it. I ate middle eastern restaurant in Glendale. I dance all night with my friends. I was so happy. After that day I got so sick cramp in my stomach got worsen. I ended up in the emergency room. They were nice to me at the Cedars Sinai. They gave me a blanket and a bucket right before I was dying from severe pain. They took me in. The Nurse was nice. He took me in took my blood pressure. Then he sat front of his computer started to write my symptoms. Doctor took me in 25 minutes later. He was nice listen to my story. Put a cream on his glove sticked his finger up my ass. Took a sample. And said ''hmm so clean'' I said yes I wipe it with a wet tissue when I go to the bathroom. He could not find blood. Even I bleed 2 days ago. He gave me some anti acid medicine, pepcid and said okay I will discharge you today. You can go home. Just don't take Aspirin. And get Upper GI Endeskopy.
Okay I'm a European chick. I live here recently became an American citizen. But every time I have an Emergency I go to the E.R they do simple tests that doesn't cost them much. Send me a bill 800 bucks to 2000 bukcs. How crazy is that? Just for Prescribing me pepcid I get these funky service and the bill on top and I am still not healed. So I sat home in pain wrote down the symptoms and did a research. I found out what I have. Heliobacter Pylori/Ulcer.
Then again my friend's daughter is still stuck at the hospital at the Emergency room just because he can't pay the bill 2000 grant. On top of it when she went in, she had some pain like I did. But they gave her wrong medicine and got her sicker.
So first lesson in America. If you are an American and if you don't have insurance be your own doctor. Medi-cal and Medi-caid don't pay colonoscopy and Endeskopy. Free clinics are full of people they won't care for you unless you are dying. I suggest you go to Mexico or go to some European country. In America health system Emergency rooms are nothing but bank machines of hospitals and drug companies. They invest most of their money in to researching disease rather than healing them. And selling drugs all over the world cheaper than here. Insurance companies founded by drug companies. They rip each other off. It is so bad soon we will have to operate ourselves. I bet 2050 Microsoft will make a new software so we can operate ourselves. In America working in the field of Health considered the same as cleaning human toilet. Majority Hospitals and Doctors in America absolutely have no dignity. I guess no hospitals listens or obeys the law of Obama. Hospitals and the health systems makes their own rules suck everyones money and not heal people. I am so angry first million I make I will open up a free clinic.
I will make a reality show called if you think your hospital's great!

OF-COURSE Written By Francesca N O'Keefe

2011-01-21T12:08:00.000-08:00

Of course this morning I woke up early. Of course I've been sick for a while. Of course I will not spent time translating my writings in to English it won't make any sense. Of course I miss Troy. He's in me. I'm in him. Of course I will catch up my late meetings will make my unmade phone calls. Of course I was sick for 17 days I had cramps in my stomach. Of course Turkey is in chaos. Turkey is like a big bagel shop. Of course Aziz Nesin was greater Turkish writer/thinker. Of-course West hollywood, Beverly hills, Malibu is beautiful today. Of course I should've changed my locks long time ago and new keys for my home and my heart. Of course they take woman in jail with false prosecution of prostitution. Of course there are brothels own by government in Turkey. Of-course they put them through for ugly testing process when they don't test man. Of course I should write. Of course there are so many imitation of my writings. Of course friends, family's are backstabbers, vultures. Of course I was lazy for 17 days. Of course last night I hanged around gay bar and I was hit on by a gay guy. Of course the best thing about getting sick is getting well. Of course they fucked the sea and the atmosphere of Istanbul, but they made new roads. of course most people follows fundamental freaks rather than smart people. Of course every one acts as if they're mother Theresa when they are bunch of nymphomaniacs. Of course most people had sex at the bar's toilet except I. Of course everyone has a dirty fantasy. Whoever says opposite masturbating himself/herself! Of course one day they will make my monument here in America. And it will be called free will and free lived honorably! Of course I figured out my speaker cable this morning. So I have loud music. Of course everyone loves me when I'm flying rather than walking. Of course I will write and paint always and buy a little home Hollywood Franklin and Asmali Mescit in Istanbul. Of course Bukowksi only will be remembered as long as I live to write about him. Of course Troy and I are very flirtatious people. Of course somethings should be far away from me in order to be loved. Of course I should get a way from people demoralizes me. of course when I write front of my laptop I should be in nude. of course there are people who thinks their shit doesn't stink in this life even when it does! Of course there are so many fake followers my writings tagged me to their writings. Of course if we end up alone so what! Of course Troy will visit me here. He lives in me. I live in him. Of course these of course's endless.....!

JODIDA PERO CONTENTA ! Written by Francesca N O'Keefe

2010-03-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

Jodido pero contenta! I am fucked up, but content! Don't look at me with that face. Sex always better when you don't have the worry about tomorrow. So finish your job. I am finished. I need to take a rain check. Recently I discovered being with someone has no difference with being with no one. Yes, it's always great to have a long term plant cactus or (cocktus) set by your window. However what will it do for you? Still I am fucked up this morning but content. Made love in gibberish. Didn't take time to check out my bank account. My bank account is fucked up and I am content too...:)))) So what? I don't bother going out. I easily catch cold from a soft drift. I have a head ache. Too much whisky and wine in my blood. Tired of writing in "the other language". So I am taking initiative to communicate with you in the cyber space in "another language" again. There is no end to this desire of mine insisting "another language" . Again? Never mind my mistake! Instead of putting my mother milk out in the bottle making cheese out of it for you like the Chef in New York, I could've make an alcoholic drink out of it for you. Or I could lay on my ass in nude in Bryant park New York like a statuette. Life is about this vagabond living moments and getting fucked up but being content. I am in the constant search of real love. I discovered the only real love is in me. My own Vagina:))))) I'm writing like a wild woman. Don't be scared I won't bite you. I just remembered how many guys stepped all over this body. I can recount them for you. More than you and I can count. None of them loved me. They just loved to be with me. So I am fucked up, but content. So what? I decided to start smoking and wear leafs instead a dress. Dye my hair to blond. Totally experiment the life all over again. I will leave to go somewhere and never come back. What would've happen if I was living in the village somewhere? Like Latin America. What if I dance and sing and write nights and days and get fucked up and be content? .....Anyway through out your blonde hair my hand goes through in the dark. Your skin is very Guar ( white) you are like a cotton ball. You are silent to me and to the darkness. I can imagine you are anybody now. Lets not lift up the veil of this night! Somehow I love you now. But tomorrow all I want to be is jodida pero contenta! Fucked up but content!

LOVE WILL STOP BY TO HEART WHEN IT'S READY written by Francesca N O'Keefe@

2009-05-04T01:14:00.000-07:00

Yes love will stop by to a heart when it's ready. I've finished my book (don’t bite my apple). I don't feel like writing anymore for some reason. Mr. X is gone and I haven't seen Mr. Y for some time. One night I saw Mr. X in Bebek by the bay Istanbul. When I threw the ring he gave me in to the sea. Next morning at 7 am went back there and got in to a boat thinking maybe it landed in there but there was no luck. The name of the boat was fako. Twist of fate. I threw the ring because Mr. X told me I was free. If I was free why should I carry his ring? I said to myself. For the last time we sat on a table not by side to side. I sat a cross by Mr.X. I told him it's not working. I noticed he wasn't rude to the waiters like he used to be. But it was meaningless when we're separating he's nice to the waiters. Friday night I went to the Cumhuriyet Meyhanesi (Tavern) I noticed I was wearing the shoes that Mr. X loved but I got used to wearing them. They always hurt my feet. This time I felt it. It was hurting badly. I took off them off. I went to a store I got myself training shoes in red. From now on I am saying stop to shoes that hurts my feet. 3 sweet man and I ended up finishing 2 bottle of Raki (Ouzo or pasties) We drank, drank and drank.....All of a sudden I've noticed I was sitting side by side with a sweet man number one. The sweet man came from another town from Ankara to Istanbul to see me. One minute it had been a while I haven't been drinking like this. Those training shoes were really nicely in red and were taking some attention. We went to a bar called Hayal Kahvesi (Also known as Dream Bar) we were at front by musicians and dancing. How come I was having fun? How come I wasn't unhappy? Was I trying to compress my pain? The song began ""Maybe from this life one day you'll leave and you think of the days you had":)) Nope I was dancing and having fun with a number one sweet man who was 23 years old. I was wild that young girl again. Wild sweet number one man and I opened our eyes in the king’s room at Taksim with a spectacular view. I sat side by side laid our feet on the table. He said, I love you= I said, don't say that. No love. He said, you're beautiful= I said, I am ok! He said, I came for you from Ankara. = I said don't come for me again. He said, I want to see you again...= I said no we're free. You’re free! Don't call me more than 2 times a day and don't sms me more than 2 times a day. If my belly shows don't cover it. Don't be jealous of me. And don't kiss me too much. I can't breathe!

2009-03-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

SOMETHING IS MISSING THIS MORNING written by Francesca N. O'Keefe

There was something missing this morning. Sun is hiding, love; Balconies are empty. There's no woman hanging their laundry. They know maybe it will rain. Fear is not my best friend. I laugh at everything these days. I laugh at lie's, being hungry, being broke, being alone, looking for resolution. I am laughing at myself. How in my short life my heart always stayed loyal to one man. I have been writing about love, leavings and coming backs in two tongues. So you could maybe understand. No...This weather is funky...Always gray. If you're too good, talk about peace to much, they kill you! Love, Every prophet, every lover, every thinker gets killed. If people doesn't kill you alcohol or drugs will kill the peace maker. I don't even smoke. Forget it, I'm like a passive smoker.. Our love was like that I guess. I inhaled you once, when your nose touched mine. Before you touched my lips with your lips. My heart was pumping in my artery saying I love you. I inhaled you, like a last cigarette. But you stayed in me. There's no excuse. I never let others exile me. I have seen imprison in and outside. This morning is gray my love. Whatever is written to you meaningless. I lived this life to say I love you. I will not stop loving you even I cross over to the other world and I am in God's promised land. You'll still be my last cigarette that I inhale you in once up on a time. And still, even, below my hat, behind my ear, my artery is pumping and saying I love you....

2009-02-27T13:55:00.000-08:00

IF I DIE, YOU BREATHE FOR ME. IF YOU DIE, I'LL BREATHE...
Written by Francesca N O'Keefe

If I die, you must continue breathing for me. If you die, I must continue living for you. Life must be passed by people to the people we love. I am so glad I can write stories. And pass it to the next generation. Writers are timeless. We don't get old. We don't die. Writer is a thinker that never dies. Not only me! One night The guy in a pink pajamas invited me to his house told me so too. I seek through the old books on his shelf that he was inherited from his Grand Dad. He poured me a nice whisky. This home was comfortable with a nice white couch. A night before this sexy man in Pink Pajamas fell a sleep on a chocolate crumbs. How sweet! There was a stain on the couch. That's how I figured. "1001 things you should know about" a serious book was on his shelf in the bathroom. So many Gowns 5 of them were hanged in the bathroom. No liquid soap. Hmm interesting. He turned on his big Flat Screen Tv. Put on the channel aquarium where there was only a nice music and fish. Then he made me talk and opened my mouth. Poor him. For two hours we had discussed quantum theory instead kissing. Yes I sat on a chocolate too I guess. According to the sexy man in pink pajamas. Time travel is possible only with our thoughts. According to him there's a dimension of time and a place. Now here is my question. Is love could be consider a thought? And will I meet again the sexy man in Pink Pajamas in different dimension of time and a place?

2009-02-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

BACK TO BACK GOOD BYE! written by Francesca N O'Keefe

Back to back our love story must be a major grammar mistake. I am all framed in every position you can ever imagine. I am going again. I stop tagging you to my stories. I was in to short stories. These days I’m in to writing a book. Some old man once told me talking about too much I's might be considered humiliation. However talking about you is so boring and pointless. So I shall stick to my I's, and you should stick to your I's......

It's endlessly raining and then snowing. What a mix? Obama won! I won! However the economy is the same. Anywhere around the world the sun sets and rises the same way. If you see a different look please take a picture and send it to me. I'll keep it in my file. I don't know what to write you while closing your chapter and stop clinging the idea of you. I know how it feels to be a man in love in this world. But you can't even second-guess, how it feels like to be a woman in love. My tears, desires, going a way's coming back's, my wildness could've ended one sentence between your lazy lips. Simple...We're back-to-back I am taking the last train out of Istanbul to Ankara. Maybe Istanbul is back back to Ankara saying good bye. And I will always remember your last look in bizarre way, discovering I could be without you. Your mind will get it together. You lost me. First time in my life I feel like I won me...So this is my good bye to you. I hope you find a nice girl, just because you asked, she will cook two types of omelets for you in the morning. I hope when you have a break up with her, you find another girl to tell your bad news. I hope you will be very happy as many as beds you like to stride through rest of your life and as long as you like to live as a pavement flower of other beds...