To: Somerfield Customer Services

Sir/Madam,

I was recently leaving your store on XXXXXXX XXXXXXX in Bristol when I noticed an elderly lady with a large number of heavy shopping bags just ahead of me. She was clearly struggling to carry them all and kept having to stop and rest.

As we continued outside, I realised that she had no car, no trolley, no way of getting her shopping home other than carrying it all herself, and she was having a terrible time of it.

I myself was able to offer some assistance in carrying her heavy vegetables as I had one hand free and I keep myself in good shape.

As I waved goodbye to the lady at her front door, it occurred to me that you might be able to put into practice an idea which I have seen on my many travels to South America and elsewhere.

In these locations it is customary for shopkeepers to keep a small number of mules outside the store.

The mule is a patient and friendly creature who is quite amenable to carrying heavy loads. A customer with heavy shopping and no transport of their own is able to simply borrow a mule, which is loaded for them by a member of staff. The customer then returns the unladen mule later that day.

Generally no charge is made by the store, but the customer often makes a contribution to the animal’s upkeep. Some customers, particularly the elderly, may develop a bond with a particular creature, coming to visit it regularly and assisting with the various chores involved in maintaining the animal, such as mucking out.

An added benefit of keeping mules at the store is that they are an attraction to local children and others, who enjoy feeding, petting and riding them while their parents are shopping.

Taking this a stage further in our more commercial world, I’m sure it would be quite possible to brand the Somerfield logo onto the beasts’ hindquarters, or even to use a temporary and animal-friendly paint to display special offers along their flanks.

I can see that you have space to tether mules at the rear of your XXXXXXX XXXXXXX store, and I would love to see this idea trialled there. I am certain it would prove successful. It may even be possible to progress to a full “meals on mules” service at some later date.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts,

Yours Faithfully,

RXXXXX GXXXXX

From: <sXXXXX.sXXXXX@somerfield.co.uk>
Date: 2008/09/11
Subject: RE: Somerfield automatic customer query form
To: rXXXXX.gXXXXX@gmail.com

Thank you for your email, which was interesting to read
A home delivery vehicle – there certainly is a need
The one we have has four wheels and a driver to the door
We didn’t think to buy a mule to improve the service more.

There is a downside to using animals to deliver goods to home
The frozen goods would have defrosted, and the customers would moan
A mule cannot refrigerate, but our vans are nice and cool
So we will have to keep to the vans for now, instead of using a mule.

From: <rXXXXX.gXXXXX@gmail.com>
Date: 2008/09/11
Subject: Re: Somerfield automatic customer query form
To: <sXXXXX.sXXXXX@somerfield.co.uk>

Thankyou for your prompt reply, your point is very clear -
a mule is nice to ride and stroke but cannot chill your beer.

But that aside, a mule can carry many other foods,
like Weetabix and crisps and cake and all your fresh-baked goods.

And if the customer insists on buying frozen pizza,
I’m sure you could provide for them a mule-mounted freezer.

RXXXXX

From: <sXXXXX.sXXXXX@somerfield.co.uk>
Date: 2008/09/12
Subject: RE: Somerfield automatic customer query form
To: <rXXXXX.gXXXXX@gmail.com>

In the words of “Bing” – a mule is an animal with long funny ears

And he has been known to be stubburn over the years

Imagine the mule packed with goods, eating straw

But he won’t move – just says hee-haw

Now the van, if given an amount of fuel

Will move a lot faster than a mule

And a turquoise mule, there’s never been one

We will stick to the van, but it has been fun.