François's World (The Fort-Hourly edition)

Bigpond can kiss my arse, suck my dick and tickle my........

2010-03-02T01:32:00.000-08:00

Ok so I find myself once again blogging, and it's all because of the wankers over at Telstra, honest to god I knew Indians lacked people skills but this is all too much, not only to THEY fuck up the billing for the past 6 months of internet, but now they cut off our broadband because of it, not to mention all of the connection issues, honest to god it's like waiting for a man who just had a vasectomy to ejaculate in front of a giraffe (don't ask). I know I said I was going to blog regularly, and no that does not mean every time I take a shit although it would be a way to pass the time.....but i digress I am currently blogging because I have been waiting for Steam to update for roughly an hour now, so I can't play any games at the moment, yes I know some of oyu father figures out there are going "Yannick you suspiciously wrinkley devil, you should go do some study" well I say "fuck that, If I knew what to study I wouldn't because studying is like watching an octopus try to find it's penis" (yes they are over compensating I agree).

Now that I'm all out of rantage I can begin to tell you about my looooooooooooooong penis, I mean weekend, It went something like this - Work, Sleep, Play Computer, Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank (In case you haven't realized I don't have enough energy to do the above activities as I don't get much sleep due to well you know) So yes it was pretty average.....MY WEEKEND!

STAY FRESH, CHEESE BAGS!

Back from Sick-leave (that's right I'm sick of you)

2010-02-26T03:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is my first blog in a while, I guess because I have been busy doing things e.g. sets for THE GRASL, another possibility is that I was hoping to get a few "please start blogging again, i'll suck your....." but I digress. Lets begin by recapping on the weeks events, I can just say HOT! No not the kind of "oh my god that is the most crowded image i have ever seen, poor midget is getting squeezed everywhere" type of hot although midgets are very unrepresented in todays society, I guess because no one gives a fuck about height anymore, tall, dark and a fucking douche bag, welcome to Australia!

Ok so I have recent began my 12th year of schooling, do I feel good? Yes, but thats because my right hand is busy jerking off under the table, whilst I study how to write and essay of course this is what they mean by "homework". So school...yes.....I go to school, I go to Rossmoyne Senior High School I probably have already mentioned this in previous blogs but you know what? FUCK IT WELL DO IT LIVE!............... yeah, I don't know what that symbolizes anyway besides and angry mother fucking republican newsreader. Soooooo.....and I say "sooo" to fill this fucking page up. Now that I am about half way through the blog I can begin to recap on current events, I spent the week at school......yeh fun, so anyway school hasn't been very eventful and I can't think of anything worth imprinting on this internet shitstain referred to as a blog.

New Paragraph fucking wonderful, so I recent got a new bike YIPPEE what a great Birthday present, seeing as how I completely butt fucked my other bike due to a kick to .....well the butt. So my new bike is just "FABULOUS" and riding it is like sex with Abe Lincoln, in the sense that he's dead now and my bike is an inanimate object. So as a conclusion to my "essay" (should totally show this to my English teacher) I can say the cultural issues represented in this weeks events, would have to be the way at which Australians love to be seen taking a shit on public transportation.

The "S" word

2010-01-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

Ok so i got back from my "holiday", basically an excuse NOT to blog, but I digress so, tonight is the night before Year 12 begins, apparently the hardest fuckin' year of my life.........yeh, we'll see. So anyway I've decided to pull an all nighter tonight to play what is a serious consideration for "YANNICKS PRESTIGIOUS GAME OF THE YEAR" award (no not because of the games sexual content, if I wanted that I could make my own flash game using my old images........well i certainly had enough.) So now that my holidays are over, I honestly don't care, If I'm not getting yelled at by my parents and my boss, It'll be teachers, hard to see what they have to yell about, they basically get paid to sit around and wank, if they didn't have such shit computers, you'd expect them to be playing Call of Duty.

So, today....I mean tomorrow, I mean..........oh fuck it, how can people stand to read this drivel, it's like having a billion pornographic images of the same chick, eventually you want to run her over with a tractor, because everyone who looks at porn lives on farms with UBER fast broadband. So, someshit has happened since my last blog, don't rememeber what it was, quite frankly I don't care. Australia day was fun, spent it at work for double pay, then spent the rest of the day with Deniz, where i lost my "Waffle Virginity", Waffles are so awesome, and i like them the same way I like my women, hot, fresh and covered in cream (actually forget the last bit).

So now I'm just rambling, WOW LIKE I HAVEN'T DONE THAT BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!
Christ I can't say I'm looking forward towards the shitty Yr 12 lawn which overs about as much weather protection as Vin Diesels pubic hair (which I bet is non-existent). Tomorrow going to see some people I haven't seen in a while, is that good or bad? probably bad.......anyway school finishes at 1:30 tomorrow, wow I'M LEARNING ALREADY!

STAY FRESH, CHEESE BAGS!

The misplaced chair

2010-01-13T20:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so it HAS actually been a while since my latest post, and i wouldn't be writing this one if people hadn't noticed and by people I mean Nelly. So there has been quite alot of shit happening (not actual shit I haven't been eating that much), so yesterday I got to work an hour early and had BREAKFAST which I found fairly entertaining (well more entertaining than any movie with Vin Diesel in it.) So i got through the day at work and it was average (YAY this is such an interesting post, i can't believe I haven't ripped out my tits yet!) During the day I picked up some new headphones for my computer, they apparently meant to go behind your head (A concept my sister and father couldn't understand).

So I got home from work and decided to go jogging with Tom (Weedon) but we ended up climbing Rossmoyne Senior High School, which was extremely funny since we had to pee (guess where we did it.) so we ended up going INTO the school and pretending like we were in a splinter cell game (NOT A NINJA, WE AREN'T GAY!) so after dicking around and grabbing a drink (odd seeing as we just urinated on the roof), we found a wheelie chair and got it onto the roof of the school and removed the wheels so it wouldn't roll off (HEY AT LEAST WE DIDN'T TAG THE PLACE LIKE SO MANY DICK FAGS WOULD HAVE, luckily none have the climbing ability.) So I went home and slept for like, fuck 9 hours WHAT A WASTE! So I've been testing out my new headphones.

So something serious here, our good friend Nelly is leaving for Singapore tonight, she'll be missed but I hopes she has fun and drinks/eats a shitload of Slurpees (I wonder how many it takes to get diarrhea) but anyway HAVE A SAFE TRIP and have some fucking fun!

STAY FRESH, CHEESE BAGS!

.........

2010-01-09T12:26:00.001-08:00

YEAH I KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS, AND I DON'T CARE! I DO NOT READ THE NEWS UNTIL I GET MY DANISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two days of shit

2010-01-07T05:02:00.000-08:00

So let's start with yesterday, yesterday I was supposed to meet a friend in the city, to, i dunno, hang out I guess, which was interrupted by the fact that I had FUCKING WORK so I arrived at work an hour late and had to stay back another hour and was pretty much pissed off the whole day. when I got home I decided I wasn't going to sleep so i pulled an all nighter talking to Callum and doing other shit. I basically sat on my arse for 10 hours talking on msn and playing games (don't call me a loser, it's not as if I spent all night wondering how a turtle would wank.)

Anyway in the morning I agreed to meet yet another friend (amazing I have friends I know, I'm surprised I'm not hanging out with the Bananas in pajamas, but hey those guys probably get alot of action). So I walked to my friends house and waited for an hour, only to get a text saying that she didn't want to hang out, sooooooo I walked all the way back home and watched sesame street (something tells me Law & Order and Sesame street are going to do a cross over show FINALLY WE CAN NAIL THAT DRUG PUSHED BERT!) so anyway i'm not really in a Joking mood now, I'm still pretty tired.

It's a New day.................and i'm still pissed.

2010-01-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

Ok so today I went to see movie Sherlock Holmes, so first I had to catch the bus (good ol' 507) so on the way I was sitting down, texting Nelly about the rendezvous point, but when I looked up the two girls infront of me were making out, I swear I didn't believe it, but still it was a million times more believable than any James Bond sex scene. So once I was off the bus I met with Nelly and .co at the "Maccas" where they all drank liquid shit which was cold (frozen COCK), so we sat there for like a goddamned hour waiting for Maryam, so we decided to go to the movies and wait there and stand around in the arcade place like a couple of dick wads (gee now I know why Asian gangs are poor).

So Maryam finally arrived and we watched the movie (THE MOVIE WAS GREAT), and we came out again, where I decided to make Maryams sister more comfortable with me being so "tall" by walking at her height (GEE THAT WAS FUN ON A FUCKING ESCALATOR) and we decided to walk home in one big skirmish line incase a fucking cat armed with a bayonet attached to its pin dick tried anything. So we began to go home, and I followed Nelly because my bus went that way, now I am home. So once home I decided to take a nap (don't ask why) so I woke up, with poor blood circulation and extremely angry and sweaty, so when i sat down and the fan was bugging me, I punched it full force and broke the front. I don't care what you say I WON!

Paint Fumes and Legumes

2010-01-03T05:56:00.001-08:00

Ok so today I spent a pleasant day at my mothers house and by pleasant I mean about as fun as trying to make my pubic hair orange (HOORAY FOR MATCHES). So the day began at around 5:30 where I awoke to watch NBC's Dateline (or as I call it the "Who raped/shot/stole from/raped and why? show") so after this enlightening bit of media turd, I had my breakfast (don't ask what because my answer will be your cock sliced like salami with donkey testes as eggs, but thats enough about that.) You may still be wondering why I was at my mothers house, well she had agreed to pay me to paint a small room about 2x2 meters, however i didn't know it would have shelves protruding out of it like it was Eddie Murphies pubic hair, so the job was the most difficult paint job I had encountered, mainly because i spent half the time bent over like Neo from the matrix (minus agent smiths cock in his mouth) so the job was very frustrating and difficult.

Despite all this I still made very slow progress, dripping more white paint than a slightly aroused Vin Diesel (but hey at least I wiped it off) so anyway I finished the job and was covered in paint and sweat I'm not sure which was the bigger turn on or the fact that when i had a shower i found small paint chips in my pubic hair.

REASONS WHY 2009 WAS EPIC

2009-12-31T08:07:00.000-08:00

Ok so the post is late, suck me. Anyway yesterday was soooo epic some of my bestest friends Maryam and Nelly came over and brought there badass brothers, we just sat around playing xbox making each other laugh, if I didn't have a penis it would be the perfect date. Ok so we had a crap load of fun eating Oreos and sitting around, we spent sometime teasing Nellys lack of video game skills, but she said she was good, which means that she can somehow she can get a bus 19 metres into the air while shooting a poo faced hooker in the tits.

So I decided to give Nelly and Maryam their present for Christmas (FYI I dont get guy friends presents FULL STOP unless i know they really want something) So Happy New Year, this is the last year of High School lets make it count, not like the drug addicted, HIV riddled kids from High School Music I LOVE YOU GUYS!

It's a Mother of an Energy dick

2009-12-29T07:58:00.001-08:00

Ok so i have 5 minutes to write a decent post, lets get started, so im 43 hrs into the all nighter thingo and I am feeling weird, I just got back from the store with some Mother Energy drink, the bad taste will keep me up all night anyway. So my goal is 96 hrs or exactly 4 days and 4 nights awake, which doesn't sound like much, so tomorrow I have to repaint a wall I fucked by leaning on it (if only getting laid was that easy).

So I am feeling pretty confident about my record, tip is to keep yourself doing different stuff and I ALWAYS EAT CORN during an all nighter, don't ask why. I'm happy about Nelly and Maryam plus their siblings coming over on Thursday which will be fun and yes i did get you Christmas Presents you'll have to wait though until Thursday. Now i am going to play some Modern Warfare 2, so see you in hell or school it's all the same crap!

Stop thinking Start Drinking

2009-12-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

So the day apparently started at 2:30 am, because we had to drive my grandmother to the airport, so she could go to Canberra and try to............steal Mr. Rudds money, although it may be hard as it's all gone now, but I guess we can't blame him after all his hair looks like its made of fucking ice cream! So after this we decided to head to the beach to go kayaking at like 6:00 am which was pretty refreshing, then I went hope to take a nap.

This week starting Monday night I am going to try to beat my record for all nighters, which is set at 85 hrs, which means my blog posts are going to be shorter and understandably contain many more swear words. Now today after my nap I was on MSN most of the day and had some beer, which i normally hate because it looks a lot like what mount franklin tries to pass off as water, but i know what chicken cum looks like (nevermind).

So now I am sitting here blogging for the pleasure of you arseholes, but I guess I can't complain after all reading this blog seems about as much fun as trying to shit out a shower curtain, whilst a tortoise tramples what appears to be your penis.

Christmas, it's a time for liquor store hold ups.

2009-12-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

So basically today is Christmas, wow yes I know, it's just another day when arseholes go and buy dildos for there wives not forgetting thats what they got her last year, but I digress, today I mostly spent at my Mothers house, trying our best to celebrate a holiday we knew nothing about (Ramadan). So essentially I just slept all day...yes, ALONE! However for the few hours I was out of hibernation I spent eating what I assume was Turkey or very warm play dough that a toddler threw up in after eating a steak sandwich. I spent most of this time wondering, why I didn't want anything for Christmas (HINT FOR NEXT YEAR MORONS!).

So after the lunch, shitting and shitting and shitting and sleeping, we decided to go to Fremantle for a walk and apparently watch a ball of hot gas descend into the ocean, which we could have seen anyway if we just drowned the fucking Pope. Once we arrived at the place where it cost nothing to mantle things we noticed 3 guys trying their hardest to climb onto a pier that was about my height, I couldn't help but laugh as one had his hands so far up the others arse as he tried to push him up, yes I'm sure the anal fettish helped something get up.

Seeing as how I've slept like 5 hours already today, I'm worried I wont be able to get up tomorrow, unless I get an erection those are always tiring, but then again If i were to roll over it wouldn't be very pleasant, I assume it could be compared to a girrafe trying to butt fuck a pogo stick before realizing its a fellow giraffe and getting arrested by the AFP.

With Friends like these........

2009-12-23T03:19:00.000-08:00

Ok so today I was supposed to spend practicing climbing and stuff, but then went to see Avatar in 3-D, as opposed to regular films, because of course everything looks like Mario jumping over giant rolling dildos when viewed with a regular screen. Seeing as how this "blog" is about my day, I feel that I should review the movie I saw, so hear goes. The movie depicts the story of one man and fuckload of blue aliens struggle against the military from earth, the story is solid, the characters are somewhat believable (even though they have reproductive organs coming out their back, which i later discovered to be a tale), the setting is immersing and I couldn't help noticing the subtle insults against the US Marine Corps because of their policy of shoot first, rape orphans later.

So last night I did an all nighter, went to bed at 10:00 am and woke up at 12:00 pm then left to go and see the afore mentioned movie, the all nighter was fun, I passed the time switching between online gaming and watching youtube videos, which is what I do with all my free time (minus the wanking). So now I'm really tired and not in the mood for blogging, sorry to disappoint you Maryam. So................yes, Merry Christmas, to all who read this, and all who don't well I hope your mother is fucking proud of you and your impotent dick!

Same Shit Different Day

2009-12-21T03:03:00.000-08:00

Well its my time for my second post FUCK, today was rather the same as my last post, much like as you progress through Far Cry 2, basically, I was doing the same repetitive task with a fuck load more angry people around, which would have been just fine if it wasn't for the small sun in the kitchen referred to as a deep fryer, which i stood in front of 5 hours straight, I began to wonder at what temperature my balls would melt and whether they would solidify and become attached to my leg permanently when i went to a cooler place.

After my shift one of my fellow workmates dared me stand in the Freezer for 5 minutes, which didn't seem like much, however when you're standing in almost zero degree temperature and you're nuts are shrinking faster then General Motors funds (yes, Dave Letterman style humour)5 minutes seems to feel longer than a Final Fantasy game.

In my previous post I made a remark about about men forgetting their wives Christmas gifts and buying them just before the were due to avoid being replaced by what is essentially a stick and was proven RIGHT today, with all the selfish arseholes going into the city today, or maybe they just had work..............either way the city was full of twats wanting food, with me saying in my head "WHAT THE FUCK DO I LOOK LIKE A HUNGRY JACKS EMPLOYEE!" and looked at my uniform to be met with a "OH BOLLOCKS!" as i started shoving beef giblets into bread.

Yes I know todays post wasn't as funny, mainly because the word "Penis" wasn't included, but I'm not here to please you or any female so anyone who complains will be met with a dissaproving "fuck you!", I don't mean to seem like a self obsessed wanker, but thats just who i am, at least I don't try to make a living out of it (cough cough) "Vin Diesel".

So to summarize todays events, I woke up late, went to work on time, sweated at work for five hours and had a coffee, so then I got home to play some Modern Warfare 2 only to be distracted by Nelly, but I guess I can't complain (actually I can, that was the point of a blog and also to get Nelly to stop using the word "Bloggie" which sounds like a nickname for a leaky pen or a premature penis.)

My first post, the mailman would be so proud.

2009-12-19T05:45:00.000-08:00

Ok well I have decided to start writing what you retards apparently call a "blog". Now the purpose of a "blog" is to tell the world how much Salami I can fit in my pants at once and other crap I've spent my day doing so let us begin. Today started off like any other day I woke up in my underwear on the couch, loaded up my PC and started playing Modern Warfare 2 online, to try and get as much playtime as possible before work. So I left for work and thought that it would be a busy day, because of all the thoughtless assholes leaving their wives Christmas gifts until the last minutes hoping they wouldn't soon be replaced by a Dildo and a copy of every season of Friends, but fortunately I was wrong and the City was rather quiet, THANK FUCK!

So as I clocked into the computer, I realised that I had been assigned the easiest task, cooking meat and dishes, short of having an orgasm all over my fellow staff I couldn't have been happier, and the day passed incredibly slowly as I started playing music and remembering all the porn I once had on my computer.

When I finished work, I had realised all the shops had started to close and I wouldn't have time for my Latte, or "Wake up juice", so I walked to the train with Jordan Lau where we politely nodded at each other for the ride home. Once home I really wanted to play some more Modern Warfare 2 but was distracted by friends on msn.

Now I'm writing a blog, so everyone who wanted to know what I did today but doesn't want to see my ugly face in person can do just that. So in short today was a very productive day, I wouldn't say reproductive because I am still a virgin, but can't there be virgin pimps!? SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY NELLY!