Fraternal Thoughts

The Invitation

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 12 Aug 2024 12:07:00 +0000

One of the things I enjoyed most about my fraternity was how we delivered bids. A large group of us would arrive to the recruit's residence hall, and call for him to come outside. Once he did, we would gather around him, and someone would give a short speech and then extend the bid. If he said he needed to wait, or even if it was no, we would applaud with respect. If he said yes, then we would erupt in a cheer louder than a South American soccer stadium. For a couple of years, as president, I used to give the speech. I would try to to say different things to add to the gravity and inspiration of the moment. And I would always end with "what do you say?" I think I did a decent job. But as recruits are being given bids across the country in the next few weeks, I took a moment to think about what I would say now - 20 years wiser. And I think it would sound something like this:

I'd like to give you an invitation.

This isn't an invitation to member of this fraternity. Instead, this is an invitation to be a better person.

That's not to say you are a bad person now. Far from it. But you can be a better person.

Those of us standing here, participating in this moment, accepted that invitation and are living testaments to its power. For each person here is a better person now than they were before they said yes.

This invitation includes us. So take a hard look. Look into our eyes. These are the people who will help make you better. We are in turn looking at someone who will do the same for each of us.

This is an invitation to find yourself. To accept that there is so much more of you to find. To understand that it's because of challenging situations partnered with supportive friends that any of us truly find ourselves.

This is an invitation to love each day for what it is: a chance to influence the world around you.

This is an invitation to get up from the couch, to step forward while others stand still, to emerge instead of withdraw. To take the hits, the blows, and the constant pressure of a visible existence and never stop smiling.

This is an invitation for sacrifice. By saying yes, we will accept a piece of your time, your talents, your resources, and your intellect. You can't hide those things. This is an invitation to be generous with who you are - both your strong aspects and your weak ones. The strong aspects we'll accept as your contributions to our mission. The weak aspects we'll accept as your willingness to be vulnerable.

This is an invitation to embrace the hardest lessons life can throw your way. How to keep integrity when the other choice is easier. How to choose between justice and mercy. How to care for someone by letting them go. How to balance personal ambitions with the collective needs of others. And then there will be even more lessons the next day.

This is an invitation to laugh. This is an invitation to make memories early in the morning, late at night, and every hour in between. This is an invitation to press the gas pedal a little harder.

This is an invitation to care more about the conversations around the dinner table than the trophies in the cabinet. It's an invitation to be human, so that you can find your humanity. It's an invitation to matter as much to these individuals as almost anyone else in their lives right now.

This is an invitation to a life informed by values that span the test of time and generations. You will be asked to speak words that have undeniable power. Words that will echo through decades hence and decades yet to come. Words that we have spoken and will bond us with you forever. Words that amplify your soul.

This is an invitation to live deeply.

And the fraternity membership is included.

What do you say?

Fraternity and Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 08 Jan 2024 15:58:00 +0000

I’ve heard it said that when America was formed, it was held as a grand experiment in man’s ability to govern himself. Models of self-government were mostly theoretical at the time, and so this country became the first to really test that idea. Although there have been many stumbles along the way, I think the experiment has worked pretty well.

I’ll let the politicians and pundits debate whether or not we’re drifting closer to, or further away, from that ideal.

Nonetheless, if America can be judged as an experiment in self-government, then I believe that the American fraternity or sorority can be judged as the same - albeit on a smaller level. Our earliest forms were established by men and women without the permission of the colleges they were attending. Back then, students did not have to submit paperwork to a campus office in order to gain “recognition.” If they felt something was important enough to establish, then they went forward without apologies. Now, it’s fair to say that our earliest groups also didn’t want or expect anything from the colleges. We weren’t looking to compliment the mission of those institutions back then. We wanted to be left alone. We wanted to govern ourselves. That spirit remains, but is being challenged.

I wrote an essay once that argued that fraternities and sororities (and thus their members) have defiance in their DNA. There is a natural and embedded distrust between the fraternity man and his/her national headquarters and/or campus Greek Life office. That goes all the way back to our founding. And it’s proper to be skeptical of the institutions to which we are connected.

I believe that one of the chief reasons for the longevity of the fraternity/sorority movement is the spirit of self-government. Not only have our organizations been a place for young people to find enduring friendships, service opportunities, academic support, and great memories - they have also been a place for young people to find freedom.

Freedom and self-governance go together.

The benefits of self-governance can be profound. Our society needs more individuals who can act upon their convictions, who will question authority when necessary, and who can simply manage their own problems and concerns. Our world needs the strength that comes from individuals who are unwilling to let others control their destiny. Self-government creates personal responsibility and nobody I know thinks we have enough of that in our world today.

And so, we arrive at yet another reason why the fraternity and sorority is an absolutely relevant organization today: we create generations of responsible citizens through the practice of self-governance. Our society should be cheering our ability to inspire young people to contribute more than they take.

Yet, we are not embracing this. Because, we are not embracing self-governance.

Is fraternity/sorority self-governance under attack? Possibly. Colleges and universities seem to be laying out more and more requirements on student organizations. Think about the following trends and developments, which many of you will see as progress. When viewed through a lens of self-governance, and all the benefits of that principle, maybe that assessment should be reconsidered:

Colleges/Universities choosing to move fraternity and sorority dwellings on-campus, in new facilities that can be managed by the institution.
More requirements on groups with housing needing to have live-in advisors.
Headquarters and universities requiring reports on minimum expectations/criteria to be recognized.
Academic requirements for members to affiliate or organizations to be recognized.
Service hour requirements from HQ or the university.
More and more mandates on when a person can join, when they can live in the house, etc.

In an era when the relationship between universities and fraternities is more seamless than ever, it can be justified that colleges and universities have the right to do all of the things mentioned above. However, for the sake of student learning, efficacy, and empowerment, justifying that they should do these things is not as easy.

Just because fraternities and sororities have allowed entities such as their headquarters and campuses to exert more control over their destiny doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. In my opinion, it certainly cannot be described as progress.

We were meant be organizations that allowed young people a chance to build something together. They were able to learn from experience, achievements, and mistakes. Now, we are trying to build the experience for them and asking them to just ride along.

For professionals who work in this industry - we were all once collegiate members. We likely learned tremendous life skills from the autonomy of that experience. I invite you to wonder (as I have on many occasions) why then we spend so much of our time now thinking about ways to limit that autonomy? How many of us quickly jump to policy when trying to solve an issue? How many of us have spent a Friday night driving around Greek row looking for rule-breaking behavior?

Comparisons between a campus chess club and a college fraternity are often made in jest and as a way to show to unique significance of the fraternity/sorority experience. If we’re not careful, the day when the chess club has more self-governance to speak of than we do, is not too far away.

Justifying Fraternity

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 08 Jan 2024 15:54:00 +0000

I have chosen fraternity.

Part of living in a free society is the opportunity to make choices. Many other nations in our world take choices away from their citizens. In America, we add new choices every day. New things to do, new things to see, new things to read, new things to eat, new ways to live. I made a choice 10 years ago, which I have never regretted – the choice to be a fraternity man.

Because it is a choice, we should not disparage those who make a different choice. It’s their right. We should not judge them for the choice they made. However, we also should not sit idly by and allow them to judge us for our choice. It is perfectly acceptable to justify our choice – loudly and proudly if need be.

We each have our own justifications for why we chose to join. Perhaps, at this point, you don’t know why. That’s okay. I was that way myself, especially at the start. When I was a freshman, I wanted to take a long and fulfilling ride through my 4 years of undergraduate education. A fraternity seemed like the best vehicle for that ride – but I wasn’t sure why at the time.

By justifying the choices we make in life, our life becomes clearer. There are sound reasons why we make every choice – although some of those reasons may be hidden until we are ready to see them. As a new father, I sometimes try to remember my motivation for becoming a parent in the first place. It just seemed like a natural thing to do. Now that I have a child, I never want to go back to my life before him. Parenthood has provided me with an opportunity for legacy that can’t be found anywhere else. I wasn’t ready to understand that until I held him for the first time.

As I reflect on my fraternal experience, I have also discovered and rediscovered the reasons why I made this choice. My decision to join a fraternity becomes clearer and more convincing each day. Perhaps you can’t justify your reasons for joining a fraternity. I can.

Many people make a choice for safety. They want to live free from controversy, conflict, or debate. I chose fraternity, and welcomed these things into my life.

Some choose to avoid scrutiny and accountability. They want to go unnoticed. I chose fraternity – I want you to see me. I want my accomplishments to be felt.

Some people want their lives to be orderly, formulaic, and easily navigated. I opted for the emotional chaos that comes from a group of young men trying to pull together. I chose fraternity.

There are those who treat leadership as theoretical, relying on books by experts and seeking inspiration from heroes. I participated in a service project, set an agenda, approved a budget, intervened in a quarrel between brothers, led a meeting, and stood up to an older member who was slamming an empty keg into the fraternity house doors – all in the same day. I chose leadership that's real. I chose fraternity.

Some people like to think about moral dilemmas and discover their values through reflection. I chose fraternity – and tested my values day and night.

Many are forced to be in environments where mistakes cannot be made and learned from. I thank goodness for choosing fraternity – and getting myself into many mistakes.

Some want to always follow the rules and abide by authority. I chose fraternity, and learned that some of the most beautiful achievements come through defiance.

Many believe that “men’s only” organizations are antiquated and offer nothing to our society. I unlocked brotherhood, and all the unexplainable tears, cheers, hugs, and laughter it provides. I chose fraternity.

Live and let live. I will not judge someone for their choices in life – it’s the reasons behind them that can be investigated. Stand up for your choices. Discover the hidden reasons behind them.

I hope that you make choices in life that make you stronger and help give your life more meaning that it might otherwise have had. Whether by chance, luck, or destiny, I did.

I chose fraternity.

I Refuse to Go Alumni Status

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 11 May 2020 23:31:00 +0000

A simple idea occurred to me while attending a fraternity’s international convention. Like most conventions, the attendees were largely undergraduate students, but there were a fair number of alumni as well. This fraternity referred to its undergraduates as their “members” and alumni as “alumni members.” I think this is fairly common in both fraternities and sororities.

Thus, having been out of college for about a dozen years, I was referred to as an “alumni member.”

As a national or international organization, what if you reversed that? What if you started calling your alumni your “members” and your undergraduates something like “collegiate members?” How might that simple word switch change the culture of your organization?

Many sororities already refer to their undergraduate members as “collegiates,” but use “alumnae members” as a term also.

In my experience, when the designation of “alumni member” is conferred upon an individual, either informally or formally, it creates a change in mindset. It creates a sense that the primary work is over, and that one’s involvement in the fraternity is diminishing. That may not be the intent, but it seems to almost always be the result.

How many times have you heard an undergraduate say that they are going “alumni status?” This is code language for “I’m done.” While the experiences of a college student and a graduate are markedly different, somehow the illusion has been created that being an alumnus or alumna means that you are less of a member.

We are lifelong associations, right? Well, if a person lives to be 85 years old, they will have been known as “member” of their organization – in the standard sense – for only 6% of their adult life. Is it any wonder that we have problems with alumni engagement?

It should be noted that most NPHC organizations see tremendous involvement from alumni, especially those who join after the college years. They face less of a problem.

Changing language isn’t enough. It never is. However, for most groups, it can start us towards a new era of greater engagement by our members. It can also give greater meaning – not less – to that critical transition from graduating Senior to real-world adult.

Wouldn’t it be great if alumni stopped saying that they used to be members of their Greek-letter organization? Perhaps, if we give them the right to call themselves members, they will.

I am 43 years old, and have been out of college for 22 years. I don’t believe that I am less of a member of my fraternity now. In fact, in almost every way, I hope that I am a better one.

From now until my last breath, I will proudly be a member of my fraternity.

And the journey continues.

Reality Fraternity

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 12:00:00 +0000

I am a fan of reality TV for two primary reasons: (1) as an observer of human nature it’s fun to watch some of these shows as a social experiment, and (2) escapist trashy TV can be fun.

My wife likes The Bachelor, and every once in a while I’ll catch some of it out of the corner of my eye as I’m passing through the ro...ahh...I admit I love it too. It’s good TV. Lots of drama, heroes, villains, and suspense. Don’t judge.

The interesting thing about The Bachelor is that the relationships formed on the show rarely work out. Most crash and burn. But, it’s very obvious as to why. When the "bachelor" and his female suitors go on dates on the show, it’s the stuff of romantic fantasies. Helicopter rides. Dining on rooftops. Walks on the world’s best beaches. Floating on yachts under tropical sun. Everything is hyper-romantic and simply perfect. And then, the season ends with a hilltop proposal and dancing until the sun comes up.

A few months later, the perfect couple shows up again to reveal their status, and you can tell from their faces that it has gone South. A big dramatic breakup typically comes shortly thereafter.

The show creates impossible expectations for a romantic relationship. Anyone who has been in a marriage or long-term partnership knows that it’s tough work sometimes. There are no helicopter rides or moonlit dinners. Those are replaced by the stuff of regular life. It doesn’t mean that romance isn’t there - you just have to dig through reality to find it.

Perhaps there are lessons for fraternities here, especially in regards to how we promote and present ourselves to potential members. Do we oversell the fraternity experience and our own organizations?

I remember recruitment when I was an undergrad. Every fraternity I met with claimed the best parties, and the strongest brotherhood. Each one had the best house, greatest alums, and the tastiest food. Strangely, each group had also won the previous year’s Greek Week (must have been a 15-chapter tie). There was no shortage of trophies and awards to display.

And what about the chapters that rely on big splashy events for recruitment? They take recruits to amusement parks, sporting events, or turn their chapter houses into a Hooters franchise. Just like The Bachelor paints love as wine and roses every day, these fraternities are painting a picture that fraternity life is a constant party.

We have an apathy problem in fraternities and sororities. We also have a lot of dropouts. I wonder if some of that can be attributed to the mismatch of expectations and reality. If we create a lofty vision of the fraternity experience, but don’t deliver, why should we be surprised that people break up with us? And what's more, we're likely not attracting the right members by selling the superficial aspects. We get the party-lovers and then expect them to roll up their sleeves and work.

It’s about being authentic. Represent yourself honestly, and you may be surprised by what you get in return. Perhaps if The Bachelor had a few episodes when the couples had to live for a few hours in a house with a screaming baby, or got lost on a stressful drive together, they might be better prepared. Perhaps if you weren’t shy about your faults as a fraternity, your new members would more likely embrace the experience. Maybe your recruitment pitch should sound something more like this:

I want you to be a member of this fraternity. But before you decide, there are some things you need to know. We have a strong brotherhood, but not because we’re always laughing and having fun. We fight sometimes. We argue. We disagree with each other a lot. We are a strong brotherhood because we work through those things.

You won’t like every guy in here. Some you may actually dislike a lot. But I can say with great confidence that there are a few future groomsmen and best friends in here as well.

We win Greek Week sometimes. We lose more often. Same with intramurals and homecoming competitions. We don’t have as many trophies as the other guys, but I think we play a little harder.

You’ll need to work. This house doesn’t clean itself. There aren’t elves who show up in the middle of the night and cut the grass. We do those things. There will be dozens of times in which the state of this house will piss you off. There are other times when you’ll be too lazy to do your duties, and that will piss us off.

Many of these guys will let you down. They’ll make stupid decisions and leave you hanging. Many of us will disappoint you from time to time. You may want to quit. Or punch someone.

But, if you find the lessons in each of those moments, you’ll be better. If you learn understanding, then you’re on your way to mastering the greatest of leadership skills. If you can learn to hold people accountable without being a jerk, then people will want to work for you some day.

There may be a fraternity up the street that has only perfect parties, perfect meetings, and perfect sorority relations. But perfect isn’t a very good teacher. And, it’s an illusion anyway.

If you’re willing to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to work hard, then you are well-suited to be in this fraternity. Being a fraternity man isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile in life ever is. Just because we may not be the ideal fraternity doesn’t mean that signing this bid card won’t be the best decision of your life.

And besides, if we were perfect, then we wouldn’t need you to make us better.

Highs and lows. Joy and conflict. Success and disappointment. Terribly frustrating and tremendously fulfilling.

That’s the reality.

We Are Choking the Entrepreneurial Spirit Out of Fraternity

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 13:51:00 +0000

When Ernesto Sirolli was a young man living in his native Italy, he wanted to help people and to make a difference. As part of delegation from a charitable organization, Ernesto traveled to Zambia on the continent of Africa. Their mission was to help the poor in Zambia in transformative and long-lasting ways. When Ernesto and team arrived to a village, they noticed an amazing amount of fertile land along the Zambezi River that was not being used for agriculture. Perplexed by this, and sensing a potential gamechanger, they told they Zambian people that they should use the land for farming, grow food that could sustain their people and could also be sold, and forever alter their destinies. They showed the villagers how to plant and raise tomatoes. Strangely, the Zambian people did not have much interest in these new lifesaving plans, but Ernesto and his fellow Italians would even pay them to help work the fields so that they could see the value in this agriculture. Sure enough, the fertile land bore tremendous results – large beautiful tomatoes.

One night, when the tomatoes were at their ripest and best state, 200 hippos emerged from the river and ate them all. The Italians were taken aback and shocked and told the villagers what had happened. The Zambians responded that yes, the hippos would do that, and that’s why they had no agriculture in their village.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” the Italians exclaimed. “You never asked,” was their reply.

Ernesto relays this tell in a much more eloquent fashion is his TED Talk and in his book, Ripples from Zambezi. The point he derives from this story, and that I wish to derive as well, is that too often we force our own solutions on people instead of listening for the solutions they wish to explore. Human history is fraught with noble-minded but tragic results of a central controlling force trying to impose structure on an indigenous people.

Ernesto’s larger point is that if you want to help people improve their situation, you need to foster entrepreneurship at the local level. That means showing up to listen, with no agenda and no preconceived ideas. You then support the entrepreneurs in their own ideas and their own vision.

I feel this is a message we need to hear in fraternity and sorority life in 2019.

Fraternity started as an entrepreneurial and grassroots solution to a problem on the campuses of the day: the lack of free expression. A society of men (or women) wasn’t necessarily revolutionary, but to build it secretly and cautiously on a heavily-controlled environment, such as a college in the 1800’s, was as risky and daring as starting a new business or enterprise.

Somewhere along the line, it flipped from being a grassroots movement to a top-down one, heavy with requirements, policies, structures, and the “one right way to do things.” I believe this is based on the fear of losing something all of us love. But in that fear, we have sought to control.

We structure it all. Rush/recruitment. New Member Education. Officer training. Meeting agendas. What we wear and how we wear it.

Some of this was for the sake of efficiency. But what have we lost in that effort?

In fraternity today, we have a dearth of entrepreneurship.

Our heavily-resourced national offices (seemingly growing in bloat the way centralized governments do) are inventing programs and educational resources for their chapters on a daily basis, often relying on the intelligence of the people in the room but almost no input from the local level. And thus, we build and brand a fancy program called “How to Grow Tomatoes” and ship it off to our Zambias. And from there on out, we fight fires based on the fact our Zambians can’t grow tomatoes like we expect them to.

We talk a lot about campus culture in fraternity and sorority life. But we do so with an eye towards controlling it, and fitting it into a package we’ve already designed (from hundreds of miles away). Rarely do we talk about it in a celebratory fashion. For us it seems that unique cultures are something to be dealt with, not embraced. Grow these tomatoes, dammit.

When we need to do things like redesign a new member education program, we bring forward a commission to sit in a room and figure it out. We rarely listen to our chapters when developing new solutions, or stop to consider that the different cultures in which they operate could mean a need for multiple localized solutions.

Ernesto describes two ways Western cultures approach other societies: we either patronize them, or are paternalistic. To patronize means to treat them as servants; to be paternalistic is to treat them like they are your children. How often do we do that to our chapters, and in a world of increasing innovation, force them to do what that commission decided was best?

Campuses are quick to do this as well. Consider the growing movement to rate chapters based on a campus scorecard, with often arbitrary measures. That’s us telling an indigenous group that we know best how they should do fraternity and if they don’t fit within that structure, they deserve the fate of an outcast. Consider how arrogant (albeit well-intentioned) that sounds.

What if we tried something different. Take for example new member education programs. Instead of that commission or committee, what if instead we told our chapters that for one year, they could do anything they want for new member education. In the end, the goal is for the new members to be adequately prepared for membership, but the process is entirely up to them. Of course, hazing is illegal and can’t be utilized, but otherwise have at it!

Does that make your palms sweat? I admit, mine too.

But think about what creativity might emerge if 100+ chapters were empowered to customize new member education. At the end of that year, you invite the chapters to share what really worked and what didn’t. You listen, and then you share back the best ideas you heard.

Is it risky? Yes. But could yield a high reward. Think about all the other functions of fraternity life we dictate from the top, and what could happen if we unleashed entrepreneurship.

Is the role of the fraternity/sorority national office to create solutions to make fraternity chapters as strong as possible, or to empower chapters to discover their own strength? Patronize or Serve?

I guess it comes down to you answering a fundamental question for yourself: are you willing to let exist different ways to experience and do fraternity, or is there only one right way?

Respect the undergraduates for the entrepreneurial spirit they can possess. And listen to them, for they will tell you about the hippos in the river.

The Chapter President’s Guide to Starting the Year Off Right

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 13:00:00 +0000

The chaos of August is about to set in on college campuses across the land. And you, Mr./Ms. Chapter President, are about to lead your troops for another few months. Don’t make it a weak finish! The following ideas can make the difference between your year being just another ordinary one or a truly impactful one. It’s all about paying attention to the details and how you start a new semester. Here are some tips to help you start right:

1. Prepare a chapter retreat.

World-class athletes get themselves “into the zone” before they take the field. That’s what a retreat can do for your chapter. Retreats are not just all fun and games. Good ones have a purpose, and I suggest the purpose be twofold: (1) assess the previous year and (2) set goals for the coming year. Did you attend your organization’s convention or leadership conference this past summer? Here is a good chance to summarize some of the best of what you learned. See this post for more ideas to help you prepare a successful retreat.

Power tip: Invite your advisors and campus staff to help facilitate this retreat. They have the skillset to do this and would be honored to take part in something that’s so positive and forward-thinking.

2. Get the team back together.

Huddle up with your officer team as soon as you can to review early plans for the year. Likely there are some immediate needs in terms of finance and recruitment. It’s also a way to make sure they are as invested in the remainder of this year as you are.

Power tip: If you have the means, treat them to dinner (or coffee or ice cream) as part of this meeting. Show them how much you value their commitment and leadership.

3. Visit with your Greek Advisor.

Schedule a time early on to reconnect with your Greek Advisor in person. They remain your greatest supporter and advocate on campus. Besides just catching up, use this meeting as a way to update him/her on how you assessed the previous year and the goals you have for the coming year (great way to pass along the retreat output if you had that first). Be sure to thank the Greek advisor and ask him/her for any thoughts on how your chapter can perform strongly this year. Listen as much as you speak.

Power tip: Bring along a small token of appreciation. Maybe a food product from your hometown – nothing too elaborate or expensive. It’s just a nice courtesy that your advisor will appreciate. Also – be sure to compliment him/her on how tan and well-rested he/she looks!

4. Greet your brothers/sisters.

This one may be a challenge for the very large chapters, but it’s not impossible. Can you stretch yourself to personally say hello and shake the hand of every single member within the first two weeks of returning to campus? There is no greater show of leadership than personal interaction. It trumps any speech you can give or any decision you make. Perhaps tie this to an invitation to the first chapter meeting of the year, so that you can get some brothers/sisters reconnected who have drifted away. It’s easy to dismiss an email or phone message. It’s difficult to dismiss a personal greeting and invitation. Plus, it shows that you care about the most important thing any chapter president should care about – the members.

Power tip: If you have a chapter house, move in early so you can be there (and your other officers too) to help move in your brothers/sisters. Plus you can say hello to the parents and make sure they know who you are.

5. Hug your house manager.

He/she may need it this time of year.

Power tip: Don't let it linger.

6. Meet your chapter advisor for coffee.

For many of the same reasons you want to connect with your Greek advisor, now’s a great time to build the relationship with your chapter advisor. The reason I suggest coffee or some other way that feels less procedural is because it immediately makes it a more relational conversation. It also shows maturity because that’s how many modern meetings are conducted between colleagues these days.

Power tip: If you don’t already have a system in place, be sure to use this meeting as a way to establish a regular communication pattern with your advisor. And then stay strict to that – another sign of leadership maturity (don’t let your advisor ever wonder if you’ve vanished).

7. Prepare extra hard for the first chapter meeting.

Many times, this first meeting of the semester is the one of the most well-attended. Spend time preparing so that it comes off as professional, efficient, and effective. Don’t shy away from a little humor and fun in this meeting as well. If you want members to come back, they need to see value to the experience.

Power tip: Start the meeting with an open forum for members to share the best thing that happened to them over the summer. Don’t be too cautious with what’s shared and how – let the personality of the group take over. You’re likely to find laughs and applause as a result.

Best wishes to a great start to the year, and thank you for accepting the role of chapter president. If you spend the time to do those things above, and be rigorous in your preparation and planning, then you will find yourself more relaxed and able to enjoy this experience. Ready, set, go!

Fraternity Board Member Application

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 12:56:00 +0000

Please answer the questions honestly with either "YES" or "NO."

Name: ________________________________

1. Was the name you wrote above your fraternity nickname?    YES /NO

2. Is your working theory of dealing with college students centered on command and control?     YES / NO

3. Are you in this for the free dinners and travel to convention? YES / NO

4. Do you think you can do the Executive Director's job?    YES / NO

5. Do you want to do the Executive Director's job?    YES / NO

6. Do you have a pet project that will become your singular answer to every challenge the fraternity faces?    YES / NO

7. Do you have Roberts Rules of Order memorized and/or an autographed copy?    YES / NO

8. Are you excited to answer every big-picture strategic question with the words, "Well, in my chapter..."    YES / NO

9. Do you think every undergraduate should have the same exact fraternity experience you had?    YES / NO

10. Strategic plans are stupid, right? YES / NO

11. Do you approach boardroom debates like King Leonidas fighting the Persians at Thermopylae?    YES / NO

12. Do you feel it's best if the staff's reaction to you is based on fear?    YES / NO

13. Does your fraternity resume include “Hell Week Chair?”    YES / NO

14. Do you believe you are the only one who can save the fraternity and all of fraternity-kind?    YES / NO

15. Do you love to "play politics?" YES / NO

16. Do you like to share your opinions via 3-page email rants, to which you have copied every person in the fraternity directory?    YES / NO

17. DO YOU WRITE YOUR EMAILS IN ALL CAPS?    YES / NO

18. Are you still thinking about your pet project?    YES / NO

19. Does the word "micromanage" make you smile and/or giggle?     YES / NO

20. Do you plan to buy undergraduates drinks in order to get their votes?    YES / NO

21. Is your home chapter untouchable? YES / NO

22. Is any chapter untouchable? YES / NO

23. Do you consider any of the following to be the devil incarnate: email, Instagram, Twitter, or text messages?    YES / NO

24. Do you plan to ignore the financial reports because numbers make you tired?    YES / NO

25. Do you believe that the hallway or the parking lot after the meeting is where the real business gets done?    YES / NO

26. Will nothing stand in your way of having The Rock or Taylor Swift be the keynote speaker at convention?     YES / NO

27. Would a colleague describe you as someone who likes to raise his/her voice in order to make a point?    YES / NO

28. Do you think it’s a fun challenge to walk into the board meeting completely unprepared and see how long you can fly by the seat of your pants?    YES / NO

29. Can your motivations for completing this application best be summed up by the words "ego trip?" YES / NO

Thank you. Please be aware that if you answered YES to any of the questions above, we will promptly dispose of your application. We have plenty of those board members already. Have a great day.

A Knock on the Fraternity House Door

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 12 Jun 2019 13:00:00 +0000

Hi, good evening.

I don't know if I'm in the right place.

I'm wondering if you might be looking for new members?

Before we discuss it, I need to tell you some things about me...

My parents are divorced, and I feel forgotten.

My parents are both dead, and I’ve never really felt at home anywhere.

I’m lost.

I’m gay. Or, I might be. I don’t know.

I don’t know who I am.

I am poor.

I am rich.

I come from a different country, with customs you’d think are odd.

People always stare at this.

But it doesn't slow me down.

I’ve supported my siblings since I was twelve.

I’m ready to lead, but I don’t know how.

I don’t like my body.

Sometimes I feel empty.

I’ve always been in the minority.

Most people ignore me.

I act tough to hide my insecurities.

I’m a recovering alcoholic.

I walk funny.

I’m paying for my own tuition.

I’ve never had to pay for anything.

I stopped using drugs last year.

I’m a Republican.

I’m a Democrat.

Nobody has ever told me that I matter.

I’m battling HIV.

My clothes are from a thrift store.

My mom never told me I was right.

My mom never told me I was wrong.

I’m blind.

I’ve seen things I don’t want to remember.

This thing is for my insulin.

I never show my true feelings.

I used to have hair.

I’m scared.

My religion is different than yours.

My teachers told me to be quiet.

My teachers told me to speak up.

I’ve always felt alone.

I’m a parent.

I’ve never experienced "family."

I don’t know what to believe.

I’m ready to build something important.

I’m always running.

I’m always considered different.

And I don’t know what to do next.

So, I guess I'm wondering...

May I come in?

Introducing a New Program: The Invitation

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Tue, 21 May 2019 14:22:00 +0000

Designed to positively change the culture of your Greek Community.

About the Program:

The Invitation is as compelling as a keynote, and as substantive as a workshop. Four hours of strong insights, powerful questions, engaging discussions, and lasting impact. The goal is to inspire your newest members to see fraternity and sorority as a truly special experience, correct the perspectives that lead to damaging choices, and set them toward lives of significance. Not bad for a weekend morning or afternoon!

The target audience is new members, although any member would benefit. Almost all audience sizes can be managed. Cost is comparable (and likely less) than your last 60-minute speaker.

John's invitation to rethink fraternity was the perfect educational opportunity for our students to explore how they show up to their experience. Students left with a better understanding of why they join and how they can allow their organization to be a bigger part of their life.

Jenny Levering, Miami University

Director, Student Activities and Cliff Alexander Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life

About John:
John's speaking talents and facilitation skills are complimented by his years of hands-on work in the fraternity and sorority industry as a campus professional and as the former Vice President of Leadership Education for the North American Interfraternity Conference. John has been a volunteer for his national fraternity, a board member for the Center for the Study of the College Fraternity, and a team member of RISE Partnerships.

John has spoken all over the world to audiences of all sizes. He has delivered educational programs in 44 states and 13 nations.

John's presentations are substantive and uplifting. He believes that the fraternity/sorority movement can only be changed for the better if members understand and embrace the power of their experience. John is not focused on entertaining your students, or making them scared stiff, but instead, moving them into a deeper level of awareness around the true purpose of fraternities and sororities. He achieves this through creative and imaginative presentations that participants will likely describe as unexpected and compelling.

Fees and How to Book:
Program fee ranges from $2500-$3000 (plus lodging). Can also design packages that include book copies.

Contact John directly at johnshertzer@gmail.com or 515-201-5755. Limited to 3 engagements this Fall, so act quickly!

Fraternity and the Lasting Power of Connection

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Sat, 30 Mar 2019 16:00:00 +0000

In the previous post, I argued that fraternity can be a force for social change, especially around some key social epidemics that we may be primed to solve. I want to explore some of these topics in more depth and argue why fraternity can be an answer. Let’s start with the social epidemic of loneliness.

Look at this alarming data from 2018 study by Cigna:

Nearly half of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone (46 percent) or left out (47 percent).
One in four Americans (27 percent) rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them.
Two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful (43 percent) and that they are isolated from others (43 percent).
One in five people report they rarely or never feel close to people (20 percent) or feel like there are people they can talk to (18 percent).
Only around half of Americans (53 percent) have meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family, on a daily basis.

The same study found that Generation Z (adults ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation. These are the young men and women you may have just talked with at formal rush.

Loneliness is a major issue that has huge health implications. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says loneliness can be fatal. As quoted in a CBS news story. Dr. Murthy says that "The increased mortality associated with loneliness is equal to the increased mortality we see with smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It's in fact greater than the mortality associated with obesity."

Dr. Frank McAndrew in Psychology Today argues that “Rejection by others psychologically wounds us more deeply than almost anything else, and research by neuroscientists reveals that ostracism can lead to feeling actual physical pain.” In addition, the amount of stress that loneliness creates can have serious mental health implications.

But here is an important point: just being in proximity with people does not mean one is not lonely. Dr. Murthy notes that it’s about the quality of “authentic relationships” one has, which may be only a handful. The number of social media followers, for example, does not indicate if someone does or doesn’t experience loneliness.

So what does this mean for fraternity? How can we be an answer to this epidemic of loneliness?

The easy answer (and wrong one) is that we simply are clubs made of people and thus we are an easy place to gather and escape loneliness. Remember, it’s about the quality and authenticity of relationships that matter. By all means, we should be as open as possible to individuals who are seeking connection and wanting to live in community with others. But, what matters most is how we foster those connections once our rosters are full.

Fraternities and sororities are unique on college campuses because we seek to create brotherhood and sisterhood, which TRULY are the types of relationships that fight feelings of isolation and loneliness. Brotherhood and sisterhood is rooted in shared values that we speak and live together. It isn’t based on the fact we occupy the same house, or wear the same letters. It’s based on what we pledged to do together, often while standing shoulder to shoulder.

It’s those deeper connections that make fraternity and sorority an absolutely relevant institution in modern times. Many clubs based on shared values in our society are fading away (see Rotary, Lions, Kiwanis). And thus, connections outside of your family unit that aren’t rooted in networking or happy hours or other thin experiences are in short supply.

So, your work is to determine if you would qualify your undergraduate brotherhood or sisterhood experience as a thick and consequential one. Do you observe that members benefit from their connections with each other in social and emotional ways? Here are some questions you could use as you investigate that question:

Do members seem more fulfilled by their daily lives and act with purpose and energy?
Are they able to fight through stress in a positive way and don’t let difficulties linger?
Do members seek out opportunities to interact with each other?
Can you observe true moments of connection, such as outreach in times of pain or authentic reactions to positive events?
Is your organization free from cliques and bullying that would cause some members to feel isolated?

Beyond undergraduate experiences, could fraternities and sororities help solve the epidemic of loneliness by putting increased emphasis on alumni and how they can reconnect with the values and the brotherhood/sisterhood they once experienced daily? Alumni-focused efforts are largely to support the undergraduate “product” or for fundraising but what about a product just for alumni and just for the purpose of building human connections at a time when we all need it? Things to consider at the national office as you plan for an alumni engagement program.

Loneliness cannot be eliminated from our society. There are too many contributing factors. But the nature of our organizations - fraternities and sororities - gives us a unique opportunity (I daresay obligation) to do what we can.

An important point: part of the beauty of the fraternity/sorority experience is the closeness it can provide. And thus, we may be more aware than anyone else about someone’s mental and emotional state. We need to stay observant to signs of struggle (which may look like loneliness, or anger, or stress) and be willing to talk with each other. If you emerge from your fraternity/sorority experience with an increased comfort in talking with a friend about their struggles, then you will have earned a critical skill many people spend a lifetime chasing.

Fraternity as a Force for Social Change

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:16:00 +0000

It’s beyond time to change the way we talk and think about fraternities and sororities and their role in our modern times.

Ever since fraternities were founded, their relevance and purpose has been questioned. Because they started as secret societies, formed in opposition to the institutions their members belonged to, fraternities have been under attack and constantly criticized. This causes us to have a reactionary posture in our DNA. To often wait for the incoming fire before we build a shield.

And it also causes us to look internally and be protective. Our question too often is “how do we protect what fraternity is from these forces acting against us” whereas it could be “how do envision what fraternity should be in light of the world we inhabit.”

The calls to shutter our doors and abolish Greek Life will keep coming, especially when the only apparent contributions to society that the public sees are networking to get jobs and the occasional low-level service project. We can be so much more, and it's time to show it.

I have been in the fraternity movement for 25 years, and I have lost count of the number of committees, commissions, blue ribbon panels, studies, and conferences focused on reacting to our greatest ills: hazing, sexual assault, alcohol consumption, inclusiveness, and more. I don’t question the need for such work, and many of the essays in this blog and in my book deal with these same issues. But beware, especially new entrants into this movement, that when you hear someone say that forming a committee or conducting a study to address a longstanding issue is a “bold move,” it’s actually one of the most mundane and redundant things we can undertake.

What would be bold? To go on the offense. To start thinking about and talking about why fraternity matters to our greater society in 2019 and beyond. We need to discuss this and then deliver messages that indicate that we see the world the way it is today, and we want to be part of the solution. There are vast and truly debilitating social epidemics in our culture today; ones that we as fraternities and sororities are primed to solve.

Let’s look at it this way: by sitting in a reactionary posture and thinking that true leadership is only addressing the issues we face internally, we act like a crumbling brick structure. We try to patch, we try to rebuild, but for every brick that we add, 2 or 3 fall to the ground and shatter. We appear to the world like an institution always under fire and thus always trying to shield ourselves from the onslaught, or pretend that we’re not crumbling. But it’s clear to all that our structure is not as tall or sturdy as it once was.

Being proactive means that we need to consider for ourselves what value we want to offer the greater society. Thinking about the value we offer our host colleges and universities is one part of that, but if that's all you think about you aren’t thinking boldly enough. We are a big enough movement to affect life beyond our campus gates.

So let’s appear to the world like an institution that believes it is vitally important to advancing our culture and building stronger communities. Because we are.

While we put some energy towards solving the issues that plague us (such as hazing), we need to run a parallel track that addresses how the fraternity of the 21st century leads in a world that wants and needs cures for catastrophic social epidemics.

What kinds of social epidemics? The list is long and alarming. More Americans indicate they feel lonelier than ever before. Suicide rates are climbing and the rate among teenage girls is the highest it's been in 40 years. 130 people a day die from opioid abuse. People are finding all manners of destructive ways to cope with the lack of connection they feel in their lives.

What else? How about the #metoo movement and the apparent racism that continues to exist in our society? What about sexual violence and gun violence, and violence of all forms? What about the fact that 7000 students drop out of high school each day?

And as a punctuation point, consider that in my home city of Indianapolis, zip codes only 14 miles apart (a 15 minute drive) have differences in life expectancy of 14 years. This isn’t an impoverished or war-torn city. This is a growing Midwestern municipality. This is in America.

Can the fraternity and sorority movement address these social calamities?

Wrong question.

HOW can the fraternity and sorority movement address these social calamities?

Let’s work towards that goal and prove ourselves to be a structure that doesn’t crumble, but rather is adding new layers of impact all the time.

Over the next several posts, I plan to take on specific social epidemics and discuss how the fraternity and sorority movement can be a force in their dissolution. I encourage you to join me in this quest and consider this institution you love a bit more boldly.

Let's make fraternity a force for the social change our world most desperately needs.

Love Your Brothers

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 14 Feb 2019 13:56:00 +0000

"I don't have to like my players and associates, but as their leader, I must love them. And, please believe me gentlemen, my love will be relentless."

(Vince Lombardi)

In regards to the current improvement and future success of the fraternity movement, the Beatles had it right: All You Need is Love.

Yes, love.

Let me offer this in a different way. As fraternity men, we do not love our brothers enough, and if we loved our brothers more, we'd be in a better place.

I'm not speaking about romantic love, although that could happen. I'm speaking about much more primal and original meaning of love - the act of extending yourself for others to make them better.

C.S. Lewis said that, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”

In short, when you decide that love is more than a Nicholas Sparks novel or a Hugh Grant movie, you'll realize that love abounds in the fraternity experience. Yes men, love is all around, and love is all you need.

It's hard for men to say "I love you" to each other. It can feel awkward and unusual. I remember the first time I decided to start saying it to my dad more frequently. Ironically (or perhaps not), I made this decision while in college and while in my undergraduate fraternity years. I decided one night to start ending our weekly phone conversations by saying "I love you" to my dad. I wasn't sure what I would get on the other end of the line. After a few seconds, the reply was "I love you too."

If you have trouble saying those exact words to the men you call your brothers, understand that there are other ways to say it. It gets back to understanding what love really means.

Loving your brothers means confronting them. It means putting a halt to decisions that could ruin the lives of your brothers, or others around them. It means stepping between a brother and potential disaster. When you say "stop" or "no" to a brother, you are saying "I love you."

Loving your brothers means caring about their situation and their experiences. It means observing a quivering lip or a watery eye, and putting your arm around him. It means noticing someone's absence and taking the extra step to find him. It means genuinely inquiring about their life. When you say "how are you doing today" to a brother, you are saying "I love you."

Loving your brothers means pushing them. It means challenging them to bring their best. It means getting them off the couch and to the meeting, or event, or service project. It means acknowledging achievements and rewarding extra effort. When you say "I expect more of you" to a brother, you are saying "I love you."

Love is central to the fraternity experience. Love is central to the bonds that create brotherhood and sisterhood. Love is another one of those cherished few aspects of fraternity that separate our organizations from every other. When we forget the importance of love in the modern college fraternity, it's as though we're forgetting the fraternity itself.

If a person chooses to live life independently, to be the solitary climber on top of the mountain, then he may be able to avoid love. Although, loving yourself may be the most important action any person can take.

When you elect to be a part of fraternity, and let fraternity be a part of you, you give up independence. The same can be said for marriage, or bringing children into the world, or any other decision that involves intense relationships. When you make those choices, you decide to begin sacrificing a part of who you are in order for the others in the relationship to thrive. And they do it in turn for you. This willing act to give yourself for others and be in community with them is a glorious expression of love.

And that's why love exists in every minute of the fraternity experience.

Let's all strive to be better at loving our brothers. It is not easy, but it's fairly simple. If you've ever been to a wedding, likely you've heard the famous biblical passage about love found in Corinthians. It can serve as a roadmap for how we can be better at love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

This passage wasn't written for weddings only, or even at all. It was written, I believe, to attempt to describe the indescribable - to put into words the human experience. To try and reflect the best of who we are as people.

And isn't that what we try to do in fraternity? To strive to be an ideal expression of human connection?

Without getting too deep, I would just offer this: If we accept love as the only way we can truly be brothers with each other, then we can realize our potential as organizations that bond men together.

And, it wouldn't hurt to say it more often as well.

And just because I'm not sure if I ever said it back long ago - to all my brothers from 310 North Bishop...I love you guys.

This essay and many more are available in Forever Fraternity: Essays to Challenge, Celebrate and Advance the College Fraternity

Leadership in Our Chapters…and the Abilene Paradox

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 24 Jan 2019 01:46:00 +0000

Guest Essay By Dave Westol, Limberlost Consulting

It has been said that the boards of directors of non-profit organizations are often composed of good—I will make that very good—men and women who nonetheless may make bad or occasionally terrible decisions as a board that none of the directors would make as individuals.

And that sounds counter-intuitive. Why would individuals, who were theoretically elected or appointed because they possess strong positive qualities including the ability to analyze facts and data and make sound decisions, do the exact opposite while in a group of good people?

Why indeed? And how does that apply to our undergraduate chapters?

Mr. Rhetorical Question, may I present the Abilene Paradox?

The Abilene Paradox is the creation of Jerry B. Harvey—now Dr. Harvey—who has contributed in many ways to the study of organizational dynamics. His Paradox theory has been used countless times to explain a simple concept—that people react differently when in a group, especially when they are in a leadership role.

The Abilene Paradox occurred to Jerry when he was a doctoral student. He and his wife were visiting her parents in Coleman, Texas on a Sunday afternoon in August. Coleman is located about fifty miles southeast of Abilene.

Jerry was sitting on the shaded back porch of the home playing dominoes with his father-in-law at about three o’clock in the afternoon. It was hot but pleasant—a breeze, cold lemonade, peaceful. Then, it happened. His father-in-law got to his feet and said, “Let’s go to Abilene to the cafeteria for dinner!”

Jerry, not wanting to be branded as the whiny son-in-law, said, “Ah, okay”. His wife, knowing what was in store but also wanting to go along with the apparent majority, said, “Ah, okay”. His mother-in-law said, “Let’s get going if we’re going to go”. And away they went, each of the four knowing that the trip would involve a two-hour drive over dirt roads in an un-airconditioned automobile for a dinner that would be a tribute to gastrointestinal distress followed by another two-hour drive home.

The trip and the food were worse than anticipated. After they arrived home, his mother-in-law reportedly said, “I don’t know why I let y’all talk me into that”. Jerry responded that he didn’t want to be in the collective “Y’all”—that he had not wanted to go in the first place. His wife agreed. His father-in-law then justified it by observing that his daughter and son-in-law seldom visited and he thought that they might want something different. He added that he would have been happy with a beer and leftovers served on the back porch.

There you have it…the Abilene Paradox. Four intelligent people agreeing to a course of action that not one of them would have done as an individual…and to please others who in fact were not pleased.

When board members fail to state their true opinions; when they misperceive the collective reality; when they will not challenge or question because they defer to older, more experienced board members or when they allow friendships, shared experiences or other real or imagined affiliations to affect decision-making—then the board of directors has just climbed onto the bus for Abilene, as Dr. Harvey notes in subsequent writings.

Dr. Harvey also includes action anxiety (my interpretation is the reluctance by board members to pull the trigger or make a decision—“We need more information!”), fantasized risks, fear of ostracism by other board members and group tyranny as other aspects for the Abilene Paradox.

And do those dynamics apply to undergraduate chapters?

Absolutely.

Perhaps more so than with a board of directors, because our undergraduates often have stronger perceived bonds. Friendships, roommates, “She gave me a ride home last Thanksgiving”, “He threw me a TD last week at the game”…all factor into the chapter version of the Paradox.

One of the best arguments against the emphasis placed upon pledge class unity in hazing chapters is that we intentionally create our own version of the Abilene Paradox—we require our new members to think, act and in some cases speak alike, thus effectively snuffing individualism, critical thinking and initiative. When I served as CEO of my national fraternity I often saw that dynamic, especially during times that called for a significant decision. The brother who was stiffing the chapter on a large bill and up for suspension…the junior who was unsuited to serve as president but nominated…watch and listen as his pledge class lined up on the side of their former pledge brother because of blind loyalty rather than what was right for the chapter.

What can we do as chapter leaders to prevent our version of the Abilene Paradox?

First, we can create an atmosphere—a culture in our chapters—in which all members, not just older or more experienced members—can voice their opinions without fear of being ridiculed or mocked. Presidents and other officers: this is your area of control. Set the tone at meetings.

Secondly, we encourage a culture of inquiry—that is, a culture of healthy debate. We ask for and listen to opinions and arguments. We don’t, however, waste the time of the chapter with repetitive arguments or duplicate comments that begin with, “I agree with ___” Chapter presidents, this is your time to guide but not control the discussion.

Third…we get it right. That means that we may disagree with others but through that process of discussion and debate—attorneys often call it, “Discourse”, which is a good word for reasoned, respectful disagreement—we arrive at the best resolution.

Mark Baltz is an official in the National Football League who lives in Zionsville, Indiana, and attends some of the weekly meetings of the high school football officials held in downtown Indianapolis. I am co-chairman of the Football Committee with Bud Klumph, a Sigma Chi from Arizona State, and we schedule Mark to speak to our 100+ officials each year.

In his presentation Mark always notes that the biggest mistake he made in his career was starting a varsity football officiating crew with four friends. They were good officials…but they had difficulty speaking to each other in blunt and candid fashion. They allowed their friendships to get in the way of getting it right.

As a football official, I understand that simple concept. We must get the call right for the players, the coaches and the fans, whether there are 200 or 8,000. Friendship, hurt feelings or perceived slights have no place in an effective crew. We cannot get on the bus to Abilene and agree with a bad call because we don’t want someone to feel hurt.

As chapter leaders, you must encourage, prompt and indeed stimulate thoughtful discussion and discourse, especially about important topics or issues. Then, you must zealously safeguard the right of each member, regardless of age, seniority or status in the chapter, to speak to those topics and issues. You must insure that members feel comfortable challenging and questioning practices and decisions that in years past may have been no-brainers.

Finally, you must help sisters or brothers find that “getting it right” place. Sometimes that means you must put aside your feelings about an issue or question. There is a difference, of course, between a legitimate issue and voting on an illegal activity such as hazing. That is one occasion when you must stand up and speak out.

The Abilene Paradox…will exist as long as we fail to encourage our members to stand up and speak out. Many a chapter has been asked, “What were you thinking?” after a serious incident, problem or tragedy. I suspect that the answer is: “We were thinking…but we were not expressing our thoughts”

Dave Westol served as CEO of his national fraternity for eighteen years and now has his own consulting company, Limberlost Consulting, Inc., in Carmel, Indiana. He has served on the board of directors for FIPG, Inc. and as a football official for over 30 seasons. He can be reached at David.Westol@gmail.com.

Your Fraternity as Christmas Characters

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 17:59:00 +0000

If the people in your fraternity universe were characters from favorite Christmas movies and TV shows...

Have a great holiday season. See you in 2020!

The Gift of Appreciative Feedback

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 17:17:00 +0000

Need help finding a gift this season for that friend, or colleague, or student, or family member? I invite you to consider a very inexpensive, simple, and life-changing gift.

The gift of appreciative feedback.

When I was starting out as an advisor to college and youth student groups, I thought that providing feedback meant only the critical stuff. And thus, I avoided it because I never felt comfortable giving constructive criticism. I’m still not comfortable with it, but I’m better at it now after years of practice. To me, it’s still the worst part of advising (albeit very important).

What I didn’t realize at the time was that developmental feedback had a cousin…a much more friendly cousin that fell right into my strengths zone and brought a whole lot of joy to the advising experience.

Appreciative feedback.

Appreciative feedback is that feedback which identifies a behavior that is positive, notices it, comments on it, helps add meaning to it, and thereby amplifies it more loudly than it would have otherwise been.

To me, it’s what makes advising fun. It’s the good stuff, man. It’s the chance to shine a light and watch a chin rise, or a chest puff, or a small grin of pride on the face of a young learner.

And we do not do it enough.

David Rock, author of Quiet Leadership: Help People Think Better-Don’t Tell Them What to Do! (2006) states that people tend to receive positive feedback only a few minutes out of every year, versus thousands of hours of negative feedback.

But wait, you might be thinking, I’m a positive person! I tell people good things all the time! That may be true, but note that true appreciative feedback goes much deeper than “good job” or “I’m proud of you.”

Real appreciative feedback is not just a compliment. It is precise and personal. And, it should focus on behaviors and qualities you want to see more of.

Knowing what those specific qualities are is the first step. For example, one quality we often want to see more of is hard work. As important as that is, it’s still too vague. What do we mean by hard work? You will need to answer for yourself, but if I’m advising a group of students it might include things like:

Tenacity: Can a student work through a setback or a challenge?
Determination: In a given task, does a student stay focused and not give up on the goal?
Optimism: Is there a glimmer in their eye, even when times are tough or the road is long?

Once you have identified some of these specific behaviors, then you can start looking for them. And that’s when being an advisor in the room becomes a whole lot less boring, and much more intentional. Your job is not to simply be present, but to scan the room searching for behaviors that deserve appreciate feedback.

According to authors Judith Wilson and Michelle Gislason, who wrote Coaching Skills for Nonprofit Managers and Leaders (2010), appreciative feedback, if done well, has three primary elements:

Observation: Making an observation of a positive action, behavior, or demonstrated quality.
Acknowledgment: Sharing that observation using the facts of what you saw.
Appreciation: Helping to give meaning to the action or behavior by sharing what it means to you or the impact it can have.

For example, let’s say you show up to the weekly chapter meeting, and you observe the President taking time before the meeting starts to move throughout the room, shake hands with the members and thank them individually for being there. (Observation)

After the meeting, you pull the President aside and say “I noticed that you were greeting people before the meeting and taking extra time to welcome them.” (Acknowledgment)

You continue by saying, “I really enjoyed seeing that because I feel that it set a very positive tone for the meeting and the members who took the time to come felt valued and appreciated. This is impactful because it might mean some of these members now understand the importance of being here and will make greater efforts to never miss a meeting. Plus, they likely feel more connected and engaged to the chapter overall.” (Appreciation)

Boom. Simple. And advising magic.

Author Michael Brandwein also has a good framing of this, and he calls it (1) Describe it, (2) Label it, and (3) Praise it. He is also very fond of acronyms and advocates for the L.A.S.E.R.B.E.A.M. technique. Which stands for: Look for Any Signs of Excellent behavior; then: Respond to that Behavior to Educate And Motivate.

Some things to consider:

Sincerity is essential, and fake or throw-away compliments can be smelled a mile away.
Students are a different levels of growth at all times, and so what would be meaningful appreciative feedback for one might be too simplistic for another.
During meetings, or activities, and whenever a group of students is together, I challenge myself to find at least 3 students who are deserving of appreciative feedback that day. I try to find different students each time, but some repeat-recipients are inevitable.
While appreciative feedback is best delivered personally and individually, it’s not always bad for others to overhear, since it helps to build awareness of what behaviors are rewarded.
On occasion I will deliver appreciative feedback in public to more greatly amplify the message and if I feel the student would benefit from the spotlight of recognition.

Advisors, let’s all commit to making this next year one in which we work harder at appreciative feedback than ever before. I think we’ll be amazed at the results, and also amazed at how much more worthwhile our jobs become.

Let’s give a gift that’s irreplaceable, the gift of appreciative feedback.

A Senior's Thanks

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 19 Nov 2018 16:22:00 +0000

“Gentlemen, please be quiet!”

The roar of the room continued unabated.

“Gentlemen, please!” the President shouted again.

“Guys SHUT UP!” offered the much more forceful Vice President, who was blessed with a thunderous voice. The room finally settled down.

“Thanks Ben. Welcome guys to our annual Thanksgiving dinner. The dining room is clean, you guys are mostly clean, and we’re going to have nice night. Our wonderful house-mom Rhonda did an absolutely great job with the dinner – so let’s thank her.”

Rhonda answered the cheers and applause by standing up to take a showy bow.

The President continued: “Don’t start eating just yet. Before we do, let’s go around the room this year and each person can say something they’re thankful for.”

Moans and groans were accompanied by someone shouting “let’s impeach the president!”

The room cheered and a dinner roll found itself narrowly missing the President’s head. He laughed. “Hey – this is what my family does, and I claim each you as family. Even Landry.”

“F*#@ you” said Landry.

“Let’s start to my left.”

“I’m thankful for food. Can we please eat now?” the first brother quipped.

“Keep going,” said the President.

“I’m thankful for all you guys,” said the next brother. He was met with a chorus of sarcastic awws.

The next brother said “I’m thankful for sororities!” “Damn right!” shouted another.

And around the room they went, one after another, some comments serious but most were half-hearted and meant to show one’s wit in favor of one’s vulnerability.

And then it was the Senior’s turn. He was the only Senior to arrive tonight, and some of the youngest guys had only met him a few times. He had been nervously playing with the cloth napkin in front of him, but now looked out at his brothers with confident and mature eyes that showed there was something he wanted to say.

“I guess I’m thankful for a lot,” he started. “But I’ll be clear tonight in saying that I’m thankful for this fraternity.”

“Okay let’s eat now!” interrupted the first brother.

“Hold on,” the Senior said. “I’m not finished.”

“I’m thankful for every moment – good, bad, or otherwise – spent in this fraternity so far. I’m thankful for every man seated around these tables tonight. I am thankful for the fun times, the laughter, the horsing around, the pranks, and more.”

He continued, “I am thankful in equal measure for the times that were uncomfortable, challenging, and miserably difficult. Maybe even more so. I tend to think most of who I am was forged by the fire of hard times.”

The room had become very quiet. Silverware didn’t clink as it laid quietly beside the plates. The soft tinkling of ice settling in the water glasses was the only sound, along with the gentle scuffling of someone’s shoes against the hardwood floor.

“I am thankful for all of you that came to my grandpa’s funeral. You made that sad day exceptionally special.”

“I am thankful for Doug. I bet you a million dollars I would have never met a guy like Doug if not for this fraternity. And I’m thankful for Jeff. Those who know me know that Jeff and I have never gotten along. In fact, there are times we downright hated each other. We may never see eye-to-eye, but Jeff, I respect you and I am absolutely thankful for you.”

“I am thankful for all those who surround us and try to make us better. Our alumni board, our chapter advisor, Rhonda. They have made a choice to give a part of their lives away, so that our lives can be stronger. That’s selfless stuff guys. We owe them our best – and consider that every time you’re about to do something stupid.”

“Speaking of that, I’m thankful for surviving all of my stupid moments. I’m going to make sure the lessons I’ve learned are passed on to you.”

“I am thankful for the courage I’ve seen in this fraternity over the years. The courage for Paul to take that step to leave the fraternity so that he could get his act together. The courage for Bryce to help Paul realize that. I’m thankful for Gavin’s courage in coming out. And I’m thankful for the courage all of you had in learning to first accept it, and now appreciate it.”

“I’m thankful that we’re all there for each other. I wonder if we’ll truly ever appreciate how special it was to have these connections during this time in our lives.”

“I’m thankful for that guy from the national office who was here last week. Yeah, okay, boo if you want, but think about his vocation right now. It’s to visit dopes like us, help us better understand the power of this thing we belong to, and ultimately help us live closer to its ideal. I’m thankful he came into our lives and I know you are too.”

“I’m thankful for our potential. I’ve decided that potential is like a wild bird that is hard to grab, and harder to hold. But I’ve seen us hold it. We’ve held it in those moments in which we stepped outside of ourselves to help a brother in need. We’ve held it when we’ve stared down the popular choice and went for the right one instead. We’ve held it when the moment stood larger than us, but we found a way to rise to it anyhow. But we’ve also let the wild bird go. Too often. But, in a way, I’m thankful for those moments too. Why make this whole thing easy?”

“I’ll say it again - I am thankful for this fraternity. I am thankful for each and every word of each and every oath I’ve ever said in its name.”

“I am thankful for the badge you allow me to wear, which is a privilege earned by faithfulness to our Ritual and creed.”

“I am thankful for the chance to sit here with my brothers a different man, a better man, than I was three years ago. And I promise to all of you, and to this fraternity, I will do all in my power in the life ahead of me…to make you thankful for me.”

The room was made silent by his words.

What couldn’t be heard, but could be seen if you were there, were small acts of men telling other men how much they were loved. One brother gripped the shoulder of another. A brother gave a sharp punch into the shoulder of the brother next to him. Another brother wiped away a tear before it could be seen.

The almost spiritual quiet was finally broken by that first brother, speaking a little more gently this time.

“Can we eat now?”

The President smiled wide.

“Yes.”

Women Are Owning Student Leadership

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 14:19:00 +0000

In student leadership, women are stepping forward and men are fading into the background.

My middle son, a few years ago, was a crazy fan of the Wiggles. He knew all of the words to the songs and all of the moves to the dances. I learned to somewhat accept the Wiggles because…well…they weren't Barney.

And you’ve got to respect these Aussies. According to their Wikipedia page, The Wiggles have earned several Platinum, Double Platinum and Multi-Platinum records, as well as sold 23 million DVDs and 7 million CDs, and have performed, on average, to one million people per year.

For years, the Wiggles were four men: Anthony, Greg, Jeff, and Murray. They retired and were replaced by some new members. My youngest son stumbled upon the new Wiggles performing their new songs on YouTube, and I was a little stunned. They now have a female member! And she actually seems to be the leader. This is great – and she’s great – but it’s definitely a shift for the longstanding group.

I thought about this for a moment, and it struck me that this is sort of like what is happening in the world of student leadership. The only way it might be even more relevant to our shifting landscape is if the Wiggles re-booted with all women instead of one.

Not only is leadership more accessible to women in higher education today, on most campuses, they are OWNING it. This isn’t really that new of an observation or occurrence. However, what is making it more apparent isn’t the continued emergence of women, but rather the shrinking of men. Men dominated the leadership landscape for a long time, but once women showed up for the party, it seems they went and hid in the basement.

Before I am accused of not celebrating women’s rise in this regard, I see this is as a fabulous achievement in our society. When women are involved, it creates a better overall leadership dynamic. However, in solving one problem, have we created a new one? In terms of student leadership, we blew right past that 50-50 gender equality statistic and landed somewhere closer to 70-30 in favor of women. And, it seems like that ratio isn’t going to balance anytime soon. Are we heading from one extreme to the other?

It’s not just college either. I used to work with one of the largest and most prominent high school organizations – Key Club – and I noticed it there as well.

The problem is magnified even more when you take into account leadership drive and ability. When I worked at the NIC and conducted UIFI or IMPACT sessions, it was clear who was in charge. The Panhellenic Councils were the movers and shakers, the pace-setters, and the power players. Many of the Interfraternity Councils were struggling to keep up. Too many of the IFCs would have served their members better to just dissolve and let the Panhellenic Councils take over their governance.

I’m not saying that in all cases the Panhellenics were effective – just stronger.

Recently, I had to chance to address almost 1000 new members at a large university. As the room filled, I took note of what is now an expected reality: the men sat in the back, spread out and slouching. The women were at the front, sitting straight and ready to learn. The men wanted to be ignored and unseen, and they were.

While the overall societal affects haven’t been felt as strongly yet (in many industries, men still dominate the leadership), it’s coming. More women are going to college, more women are succeeding in college, and more women are taking hold of leadership opportunities in college. Men are being left in the dust.

How have we arrived at this problem of slacker men being run over by uber-achieving women? Here are my guesses:

Leadership is becoming more relationship-oriented. Whereas in our fathers’ time, leadership involved power, hierarchy, and tough-minded authority (think Mad Men's Don Draper), today’s conventional wisdom around leadership is that good ones make a solid human connection with the members of their team. The leader of today listens well, understands emotion, involves others in decision-making, and motivates through recognition and support. This is more natural turf for women.

The rewards have changed. Competitiveness, personal ambition, and high achievement used to be the things that set students apart from each other in a positive way. Men thrive when these things are valued, and always have. So do many women. In seems that nowadays, these values are not only de-emphasized, but viewed negatively. Someone with these values is seen as egotistical. The values that tend to be rewarded now are cooperation, humility, and selflessness. Again, men are capable of succeeding with these values but they are more natural for women.

We expect less from men. In my current hometown, the local men’s suit store went out of business. I assume that’s happening in a lot of places because men just don’t dress up like they once did. This is a minor, but telling point about the state of men today. They’re not expected to carry themselves like they once did. When I walk on campuses today, the men look and dress like they were just yanked out of an underground bunker by a Navy SEAL team. They drift slowly to class, staring at their cell phone, while groups of women blow past them talking with each other about how solve world hunger, or something like that. Our society is just tolerating the slacker man right now. It’s cute. It’s funny. But, it’s troubling.

It’s academic.  According to the U.S. Department of Education in Fall 2017, women comprised more than 56 percent of students on campuses nationwide. Some 2.2 million fewer men than women enrolled in college that year. By 2026, the department estimates, 57 percent of college students will be women. Studies have also shown that women are doing better academically than men while in college. So, if women are succeeding in the classroom, they are likely to succeed in other places as well.

It’s easier for advisors to work with women. Simply put, women are more reliable
than men, tend to listen and work with adult advisors better, and are more coachable. Again, it’s about their strengths in building relationships. Because of this, they may get increased opportunities and support in their leadership efforts.

There are many other factors as well. For example, some argue that our K-12 education system is designed more for female learners. Also, the video game factor is real, and shouldn’t be dismissed. Media portrayals of young men certainly favor the slacker lifestyle. It's a multi-faceted issue.
As I’m apt to do, I see fraternity as a primary solution. There are few men's-only experiences left in our world today, and if handled correctly, fraternities can become supportive environments that rebuild men's leadership potential.

We can learn a lot from sororities. A sorority is still a place where a less-confident, less-skilled, and less-motivated young lady can go and emerge four years later as a savvy, confident, and inspired woman. Can we say that for your fraternity today? Does your fraternity take a slacker and make him a man who is ready to take on the world? Or is it actually the reverse?

It starts with making leadership development a signature priority for your organization. There are many criteria by which to measure your fraternity’s success, but one of the biggest should be how many capable leaders you graduate each year. The answer is not easy, but it’s simple: we need to raise expectations for how men in our organization engage both inside and outside the fraternity.

We can reclaim the confidence and swagger that made us compelling leaders before, and match those qualities with the relational leadership skills that the world now expects. We can still command a room, but yet find depth in conversations. We can bring a spark of ambition along with an ounce of humility. And yes IFC men, we can also bring an occasional (and much needed) dose of calm flexibility to a Panhellenic world that can get too heavily controlled and structured. This is what balance in the leadership universe looks like.

In a world where we keep asking about the relevance of fraternities, we have yet another answer: to reverse the tide of diminishing men and turn them instead into eager, committed, and strong partners with women in leading our world forward.

It’s a good thing that women have emerged as leaders and are here to stay. However, that doesn’t mean that men need to vanish.   Gentlemen, the women around us have issued a challenge. They are standing in front singing their hearts out. What are we going to do?

#myFraternity

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Mon, 10 Sep 2018 20:03:00 +0000

This Wednesday, September 12, the North American Interfraternity Conference is asking all fraternity men to tweet, using the hashtag #myFraternity, about the impact of their fraternity experience. The goal, as I see it, is to fill the twitter-verse and beyond with positive reflections of an institution that often faces disparagement.

Okay, I’ll play.

Here are some initial thoughts about what I might say...

#myFraternity taught me that being a fraternity man is not easy. But nothing in life that's worthwhile ever is.

#myFraternity provided me with countless real-life leadership lessons and experiences.

#myFraternity was the best way to live my college years.

#myFraternity occupied a house that was often a pit, and made my mother cry whenever she left me there and drove away. But it was home. And when I drove away the last time, I may have cried too.

#myFraternity didn’t shy away from shenanigans. And I’m smiling big right now thinking about one in particular.

#myFraternity has a very compelling Ritual. Which is better than a beautiful one. Because I still think about it.

#myFraternity looked out for each other. My brothers were a constant and daily force in my life back then, and still are today.

#myFraternity wasn’t just a club. It was an education.

#myFraternity taught me the difference between the big things that matter and the little things that don’t.

I appreciate how self-governed #myFraternity was. Sure, we made plenty of mistakes, but we lived to tell the tale.

I love #myFraternity because we basically looked the opposite of those posed, well-coiffed, smiles and shoulder-grabbing stock-photo pictures of fraternity men.

#myFraternity showcased how tough and relentless men can be when they go at each other, and yet how accepting and forgiving they can be when they come back together.

#myFraternity gave me a set of ideals and values to hold up against my actions and decisions. It's a timeless roadmap.

#myFraternity was a gift to my life. Not a gift that ends up in a drawer or on a shelf...but rather a gift that is always displayed, cared for, and treated as though it's as precious as any possession could be.

#myFraternity led me to a career in higher education, which led me to pursue a graduate degree, which led me to meet a sorority woman who was on the same path, and she became my soul mate, and my wife.

#myFraternity made me laugh. At least twice as much as it made me mad. That’s a good ratio if ever you can find it.

#myFraternity opened my eyes to all the dedicated professionals devoted to #myFraternity experience. Thank you.

The last place I stood on campus before I walked to the graduation ceremony was #myFraternity house.

#myFraternity stays with me as I journey through life.

I will forever be thankful for #myFraternity.

Join in and follow the hashtag #myFraternity on September 12. I encourage you to avoid the glossy brochure-speak and be real and authentic in what fraternity has given you.

Four Quotes That Every Student Leader Should Memorize

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 12:35:00 +0000

Most leadership enthusiasts, like myself, love quotes. We pull them into presentations, articles, and day-to-day conversations. Quotes are satisfyingly small nuggets of timeless wisdom. They can speak volumes in their brevity. I’ve been reviewing some of my favorite quotes recently, and rediscovered four that I think could be considered essential for any organizational leader to understand.

Jeff Cufaude introduced me to this quote over a decade ago. It’s fairly conventional wisdom now that the best leaders are not the ones who rely on the “do it or else” technique. We just don’t have the tolerance for strict authority in our leaders anymore. Instead, we want to be driven towards achievement by the understanding that our work matters, and that we are not the only ones who want the group to succeed. When a group of individuals unite around shared purpose and objectives, it is a group that will find a way to win. When that doesn’t exist – when we don’t share a common purpose with our teammates – then what devices are left to the leader? As Dee Hock states, “command and control.” A leader who tries to command their group to perform, or control their activities, is one that has lost them. So, when you return to campus this fall, ask yourself: how can I ensure that our members understand and believe in the mission we’re trying to achieve? By reaching that point, your team will almost drive itself.

One idea is to take the first meeting of the year, or even better, find a time for a retreat, and do nothing more than review the mission and purpose of your organization. Ask members to reflect on how they can personally support that purpose, and what needs to happen collectively in order for the purpose to be realized more fully this year. Every group needs to get re-centered now and then, and the start of a new year feels like the right time to do it.

Organizational culture is a powerful thing. Peter Drucker found a way to personify it as perhaps the strongest thing living within an organization. You can spend months or years creating visions and plans, but your success will be dependent on the capability of the culture to accept and implement those ideas. You may wish for your organization to become the strongest and best on campus. Yet, your culture may be one that rewards and encourages mediocrity. You may wish for your members to have the highest GPA on campus. Yet, your culture may downplay academics in favor of parties and alcohol.

So how do you change or affect culture? It’s the tallest task leaders can face. The most effective way is to remove the cancerous cells. To cut out those who most negatively influence the culture you are trying to build. At the very least, stop providing those individuals with forums and outlets by which to be so influential. For example, don’t take a slacker and make him new member educator.

If you are writing goals and plans for your organization (good) then add a column entitled “culture.” Reflect on what kind of culture you have right now – is it one that takes a person and lifts them up, or tears them down? Does it seek opportunities for the organization to be its best, or to be its worst? Expect that what you write in that column will need to be addressed first.

This quote is probably the most succinct explanation of contemporary leadership that I could find. Keep in mind, as you take this journey of leadership, that you will be remembered more for who you were than what you did. That’s not to minimize the expectation that all leaders and organizations are forward-moving and achievement-oriented. However, the best leaders understand that without attention and care for others, lasting achievement isn’t truly possible. You can be the kind of leader that very few people experience in their lives – the one that makes them want to be better and want to do more.

So, take the extra time to provide feedback to someone that deserves to hear how great they’re doing. Take the even more time to provide feedback to someone who’s getting off course. And take the most time to simply sit and listen to someone else, for that simple act can be the most significant of all.

The essential question is, when you engage with those you lead, how do you make them feel?

Organizations of all shapes and sizes are notorious for getting caught up in things that just don’t really matter. Whether it’s personal drama, minutia, or small ideas, we are all susceptible to be being distracted away from the big stuff. What is the big stuff? Mission. Vision. Values. As a leader, you will be challenged to keep this front and center, and not get too caught up in T-shirt colors, gossip, and colossal wastes of time.

You may want to start this year with an audit of how your organization spends its time and energy. Are you focused on the right things? As I’ve written about before, if historians were to judge this period in your organization’s history, would they give you high marks for focusing on significant issues? Imagine you were putting items on a scale. Which item would weigh more (meaning it’s a greater focus)? And, is that the way it should be? For example, what would the balancing scale read for:

New Member Education vs. Greek Week
Initiation vs. Annual theme party
Service Projects vs. Formals
Recruitment vs. Intramurals

It’s not that you can’t or shouldn’t have small things (e.g., intramurals) as part of your fraternity experience. That’s the fun stuff that can fill in the gaps. But the big ticket items should never suffer because of those, or ever take a back seat.

So, to summarize the lessons that these famous quotes provide, focus on things that matter such as the people you lead and the shared purpose that unites the entire organization. Doing so will create a culture that embraces excellence. That sounds like a great start to the year.

Please feel free to share your favorite quotes below. What words of wisdom drive you and your leadership experience?

Beware the Trough of Disillusionment

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Tue, 22 May 2018 15:57:00 +0000

Thousands of recently initiated first-year students have closed out their freshman years and have started the all-too-short summer march towards sophomore status. Getting that first year under your belt is a significant achievement. My worst year academically was the first year. New experiences and new friends plus over-indulgences in things like food, beverage, and campus activities can be exhilarating, but can also take a toll. If you made it through, then the wisdom you’ve attained will serve you well next year.

Fraternities and sororities also have to balance the desire to take a much needed break over the summer with the need to keep momentum. At least keep your fraternity house lawn mowed. Your summer orientation staff will appreciate it.

There is a lot of research and attention being paid to the sophomore year experience. As described in Belmont University’s Sophomore Experience Plan, “many sophomores experience anxiety and feel pressured; some panic while others withdraw or begin to fail in response to the overwhelming reality of college. No longer are they in the freshman bubble, focused on making friends, learning campus life, and reaping the benefits of freshman experience courses, programs, and other support systems.”

This concern for the sophomore year reminds me of something I learned about just recently: the Gartner Hype Cycle. Have you heard of it? It’s a graph that illustrates the common public response to new media and technology. Here it is:

Here is a summary of the points along the cycle:

Technology Trigger: A potential technology breakthrough kicks things off, especially thanks to media interest (think newest Iphone).

Peak of Inflated Expectations: Early publicity produces a number of success stories—often accompanied by just as many (or more) failures. Basically, it’s time to decide if the product lives up to the hype. There is really no way it can.

Trough of Disillusionment: Interest wanes as experiments and implementations fail to deliver and because the technology did not live up to its overinflated expectations.

Slope of Enlightenment: More instances of how the technology can provide benefits become clearer and more widely understood. Second- and third-generation products appear.

Plateau of Productivity: The real-world benefits of the technology are demonstrated and accepted. The final height of the plateau varies according to whether the technology has broad usability or only benefits a smaller niche market.

I’m most interested in the trough of disillusionment, because we all can relate to the let-down that follows an over-hyped experience. If you are a techie, or a gamer, or even just someone who can’t wait for the next summer blockbuster movie, you’ve felt the highs of anticipation and the lows that always come afterward.

Can this graph apply in any way to the Greek experience? I see a few connections.

Imagine the top of the graph – the peak of inflated expectations – to be the moment you hand the bid card to a new recruit. At that moment, especially if it’s accompanied by cheering, hugs, chants, and celebration, the recruit feels euphoric about this opportunity. They are on top of the world. Their mind is filled with a highlight reel of all of the best thoughts of fraternity or sorority they’ve ever held. So, of course there will be a downward slope. Once you reach the peak, there is no other choice.

However, the fraternities or sororities that can use their pledging period as a chance to harness this enthusiasm will push through the trough of disillusionment into a more productive phase. These are fraternities and sororities that see the spirit and joy of a new member as an asset to the organization, and not something to quell because the new members “need to be taken down a notch.” The new members begin to see how the fraternity can benefit them and how they can benefit the fraternity. Those who don’t reach this enlightenment probably disengage and move on.

Those Greek organizations that haze their new members and intentionally make pledging a negative experience are basically sending those new members on a greased sled equipped with a jet engine rocketing down into the trough of disillusionment. And then those fraternities and sororities sit and wonder why they have a motivation problem in their membership.

Another fraternity connection to the hype cycle: new colonies. New colonies are ripe for the trough of disillusionment because the amount of time and effort it takes them to reach the peak. Campuses and headquarters alike love new colonies because they are a glimpse into our pledging-free, values-based, Ritual-driven core. Colonies are the closest we get to our origins. It’s too bad that often doesn’t last. Newly-charted groups, in their effort to fight the doldrums of the everyday fraternity experience and to regain the electricity they once had, think the answer is to start doing what the other chapters are doing. But that leaves them actively trying to be average.

The newly-chartered groups that achieve the realization that their differences are what makes them successful find that enlightenment that leads them back up.

A final application of this for fraternity takes us back to the start of this essay. Just as universities are concerned about the sophomore year experience, so should you. It could be argued that the sophomore year is the most critical year in the undergraduate Greek experience. It’s really when a member makes the determination for how much they want to give to the chapter. Those who vanish in their Junior and Senior years likely started to drift away as sophomores.

How do you support your sophomore members and help them keep stay motivated? A few ideas:

Don’t build your pledge program to be a grueling sprint to the finish line (initiation), because a finish line is how they’ll view it.
If you have a big brother or big sister program, the sophomore year is the time to really use it. Pull together all of the big brothers/sisters for the newest pledge class early this Fall. Ask them to pay lots of attention to their littles at the start of the semester, including things as simple as having them make sure the new members attend chapter meetings or get involved on committees.
Chapter presidents/officers can do a lot by just sending emails or letters to the new members over the summer months. Help them remember their pride of membership, give them goals to look forward to, and thank them for their decision to be involved.

Hopefully this gives you something to think about over the summer months, especially if you have identified member involvement as a issue to address. The point is to be aware of the trough of disillusionment, to understand that it’s part of any significant experience, and to not get stuck there. There are ways you can make it easier to fall faster and harder into the trough, so be careful. Instead, as you consider your members' experience, how can you make your fraternity or sorority one worth staying invested in, one worth working for, and one that creates enlightenment over disillusionment?

What if Pledging Programs Sounded Like This?

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Fri, 30 Mar 2018 14:25:00 +0000

Check out some of these clips of Steve Kerr (head coach of the defending NBA champions the Golden State Warriors) talking to team superstar Stephen Curry.

Coaching. It's not just for sports anymore.

Coaching is a term that is readily used now to describe any relationship in which someone with knowledge or understanding imparts that knowledge or understanding to someone who needs it.

Coaching is a term in the modern workplace. Good managers no longer just manage, they coach.

Coaching is a term in leadership development. To train and prepare an emerging leader is to coach him or her. Executives of Fortune 500 companies now routinely have personal coaches with whom they can seek advice and be pushed to improve their leadership and strategies.

In fraternity and sorority life, coaching can play a large and present role each and every day. But perhaps there is no more apparent place for coaching than in the new member education / pledging process. Here we have young men and women for whom fraternity life is a new concept (or one pre-loaded with incorrect assumptions and expectations). On the other hand, we have those with experience and knowledge (albeit maybe only a year of experience) and can now pass those learnings along.

Many fraternities and sororities use a big brother or big sister program as part of pledging, which can become a built-in mentoring relationship even after the new member is initiated. Like many things in Greek life, it seems to me that the truly powerful opportunity of a big brother / big sister relationship is being squandered. It is mostly seen as "cute" extra connection between brothers or sisters resulting in gift-giving and little else.

So what could be done instead of or in addition to that reality? Feedback.

The best thing a coach can provide to a "player" is feedback. There are two kinds of feedback: developmental and appreciative.

Developmental feedback is for those times in which a person needs to be confronted or provided with constructive criticism. While there are many examples in sports of coaches that do this is an attacking way, in productive mentoring relationships this is done in a way that builds up a person, and not tears them down. Some phrases a good coach might use would be: have you considered doing it this way, or what do you think the impact of that choice had on others, or what decision might have created a different outcome? Truthfully, developmental feedback is the hardest for me and it turns my stomach into knots. I don't like confrontation, but I've also realized that it's essential if I want to get the best out of others. I'm still getting better at it, and a few tips I'll pass along:

1. Prepare ahead of time. Do not go into a developmental feedback conversation without practicing how you phrase your comments, and without considering what kind of response you'll get.

2. Focus on the behavior, not the person. You are providing feedback on a choice or decision they made, not on their personal character. This makes it easier for the person to receive the feedback, plus you can remind them that you too have made dumb or wrong choices before.

3. Do it in private and do not embarrass the other person. Developmental feedback is private and the goal is to help the other person. Being publicly shamed or humiliated (even if the coach has good intentions) can create anger and defensiveness.

And now...for my favorite. Appreciative feedback. This is the stuff leaders live for. This is an opportunity for you to make someone's day and in turn, make your own spirit brighter. Appreciate feedback is noticing an action or behavior, praising it, helping the other person make sense of it, and encouraging him/her to do more if it. The video above is full of appreciative feedback, and it's truly what makes that coach get the most out of his all-star player.

Let's say your little brother in the fraternity arrives to a chapter meeting early and is spending time talking to each brother, shaking hands, and being friendly and conversational. You like this behavior and want to see more of it. Here is a formula to follow:

Observation: what positive action, behavior, or demonstrated quality did you observe?
"I noticed that you went out of your way to give greetings to each of the brothers."
Acknowledgement: reflect back on your observation.
"I think this was a great way for you to meet more of the members and to help create a good environment for the meeting."
Appreciation: add meaning to the person’s behavior from your point of view.
"I appreciate that you want to build relationships with the other members and be an active presence in the fraternity. This is exactly what will make this fraternity stronger."

Powerful stuff. And all you had to do was notice it and comment on it.

Choose to be a coach to those younger members in your chapter. But not just any coach. Be the kind that gets the best out their players by giving life-changing feedback. You will be amazed at how rewarding it can be to help a young person grow and improve. And you might even by surprised by how much you grow and improve in return.

Going for Gold (or actually, Green)

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 17:01:00 +0000

I absolutely love the Winter Olympics. Cool stories, a fun study in geography, and strange but interesting sports. When else does ski jumping, curling, and slopestyle become prime time viewing?

I noticed something different during the figure skating competitions this time. While the athletes were skating, little green, yellow, and red boxes appeared by their name. These indicators measured how well the skaters would perform the technical aspects of their routines. Here is how the website Thrillist describes it:

The technical score [of a figure skating routine] is determined by a panel of judges gauging how well things like spins, jumps, footwork, transitions, and other elements are executed in real time. Each element is worth a certain "base" score (the more difficult the move, the higher its base score), and essentially, judges assign an overall technical score by adding up the scores of all successfully completed maneuvers.

So, how do judges know what maneuvers to look out for...Well, each competitor has to submit the plans for their skate -- sequentially -- ahead of time. Accordingly, each gray box you see before an athlete starts their program represents a technical element they intend to execute. The different colors indicate how well they pulled off a specific technical component.

If the skater has successfully completed a move, the box will turn green. If the skater didn't successfully pull it off, it'll turn red. A yellow box indicates that the judges aren't quite sure and will need to review it (if you notice, as you keep watching yellow boxes eventually turn either red or green).

Part of me appreciated this as a tool for the casual viewer to know how a person was performing, but another part of me missed the suspense of not knowing how the scoring would come out. If you saw a guy with 2 red boxes, you already knew there was no chance, since the guy before him only had one. Anyhow, it’s like the yellow first-down line in the NFL - it’s probably here to stay.

I had a slightly humorous and mostly serious thought enter my mind. What if we, as humans living our day to day lives, had these green-yellow-red boxes appear whenever we made a choice or engaged in a behavior? What if others could see how we were scoring in terms of effectively living our daily lives?

Now, in order for this to work, we would have to be judged against something: a routine, a plan, a blueprint of sorts. Basically, we’d be judged against a standard for which we live our lives. Perhaps it’s a religious doctrine, or community norms, or at the minimum, laws and regulations. If you jay-walk, you’re definitely getting a red box. (or maybe yellow, since who really gets in trouble for jaywalking?)

In the workplace, maybe you are evaluated based on how well you perform your daily to-do list, or if you develop a new idea. In the classroom, you could get green boxes for paying attention and participating, and yellows for taking Buzzfeed quizzes instead. The guy next to you snoring, with his head dangerously close to laying on your shoulder, is off-the-charts red.

But what about fraternity and sorority life? For what would we earn green boxes next to our name?

The Ritual.

The Ritual is your routine, your plan, your blueprint. As soon as you are initiated, a series of gray boxes show up next to your name, and it's now your job to make them green. The Ritual will sometimes allow you to comfortably skate in a straight line, but will also ask you to pull off a quadruple axel on occasion. Are you up to the challenge?

For example, my fraternity’s Ritual asks me to be kind and generous to others, even strangers in need. That’s the foundation for the “Helping Hand” of Theta Chi. So, if today I was to walk idly past a person who has fallen down, that red box next to my name will be loud and obvious. If I was back in my college fraternity house, sitting across the breakfast table from a brother who is in clear emotional pain, what would my Ritual call upon me to do? Be worried but just walk away (red)? Say something motivational like “I’m sure things will get better” (yellow)? Or, clear my morning to spend in conversation with him so that I can get him the help he needs (green)? If I knew that a box would appear next to my name based on my decision, I might give it some additional thought.

But here’s the thing, we obviously do not have those boxes literally popping up for all to see. Our success and our mistakes are not always broadcast to the world.

But imagine there is a panel of judges who can see them, and who would mark you up or down based on how well you perform. For fraternity, this panel might include your founders, your big brother/sister, your favorite alum, etc.

And most importantly, it includes you.

When you go to bed each night, look up in the sky and find your row of boxes. They are sitting there below your name. Was your routine - your Ritual - executed well? Did you deserve the yellows and reds you see, and can you make those green tomorrow?

Remember that in skating, a green box doesn't mean that a particular element was flawless...just that it was executed well. Your Ritual isn't calling upon you to be perfect, but it certainly will give your guidance on what will "score well."

Let's go land those jumps.

Five Signs That Could Save a Life

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 17:39:00 +0000

Another horrible school shooting.

Like you, I’m wondering why the hell this happens and what we can do for it to never happen again. Maybe like you, I also recognize it’s a complicated issue that will need to be addressed from several angles.

In the aftermath, it has been learned that the shooter demonstrated some behaviors and made some statements that were troubling. For many in the school, there is shock in what happened, but not necessarily in who the perpetrator was. Clearly, someone who acts in this way is unhealthy mentally and emotionally and likely has lived in that state for a long time before he opened fire.

Now, this isn’t to cast aspersions on those who may have noticed some troubling signs but didn’t act upon them. Who knows what you or I might have done with similar information. In addition, no person who chooses to shoot up a school fits into a formula of detection. There are others (thousands more) in our society who struggle with what the shooter may have struggled with, but don’t lash out in such a violent way.

Could he have been stopped by something as simple as a caring conversation some months earlier? Hard to tell.

I’ll leave the discussions about guns to another blog. This blog is about organizational living, especially as expressed in the college fraternity and sorority experience. In that way, it is also about the dynamics that occur when we live in community with other people…be that a fraternity, or a school, or a workplace, or a family. Community life calls upon us all to take care of each other.

If a brother or sister of yours were to clutch their chest and show symptoms of a heart condition, we’d call 911. If a brother or sister breaks their hand, we will get them to an emergency room. But, if a brother or sister is struggling with another organ – their brain – we don’t always act as quickly. Likely because we don’t understand the signs or are scared by ideas like depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, and suicide.

I was recently introduced to a simple and effective tool that all fraternity and sorority members should understand and utilize in this regard.

The tool comes from an organization called The Campaign to Change Direction, whose purpose is expressed as follows:

The Change Direction initiative is a collection of concerned citizens, nonprofit leaders, and leaders from the private sector who have come together to change the culture in America about mental health, mental illness, and wellness. This initiative was inspired by the discussion at the White House National Conference on Mental Health in 2013, which came on the heels of the Newtown, Conn. tragedy.

If you recall, Newtown is where Sandy Hook Elementary is, which was the worst school massacre in American history.

The campaign has developed the Five Signs, which is a simple way to help us all be more observant towards the plight of those we are in community with. Noticing these signs can help deter the severe consequences of someone who becomes mentally and/or emotionally unstable.

The Five Signs and the description from The Campaign to Change Direction for each are as follows:

Personality Change
Their personality changes. You may notice sudden or gradual changes in the way that someone typically behaves. He or she may behave in ways that don't seem to fit the person's values, or the person may just seem different.

Agitated
They seem uncharacteristically angry, anxious, agitated, or moody. You may notice the person has more frequent problems controlling his or her temper and seems irritable or unable to calm down. People in more extreme situations of this kind may be unable to sleep or may explode in anger at a minor problem.

Withdrawal
They withdraw or isolate themselves from other people. Someone who used to be socially engaged may pull away from family and friends and stop taking part in activities he or she used to enjoy. In more severe cases the person may start failing to make it to work or school. Not to be confused with the behavior of someone who is more introverted, this sign is marked by a change in someone's typical sociability, as when someone pulls away from the social support he or she typically has.

Poor Self-Care
You may notice a change in the person's level of personal care or an act of poor judgment. For instance, someone may let personal hygiene deteriorate, or the person may start abusing alcohol or illicit substances or engaging in other self destructive behavior that may alienate loved ones.

Hopeless
They seem overcome with hopelessness and overwhelmed by their circumstances. Have you noticed someone who used to be optimistic and now can’t find anything to be hopeful about? That person may be suffering from extreme or prolonged grief, or feelings of worthlessness or guilt. People in this situation may say that the world would be better off without them, suggesting suicidal thinking.

Let’s be honest: many of us walk the other way at such signs because we don’t want to create an issue if one doesn’t really exist. Yes, perhaps we get burned by reaching out to a brother who is showing these signs but it’s related to something else, or they are in denial about them. We might be judged as intrusive and it could impact the friendship we have with this person.

But the consequences of inaction are far worse.

Should they get mad, here is an easy retort: “I’m your brother/sister dammit, and checking in on you is my job.”

Knowing the signs is one thing, but then what? Very likely you are not a trained counselor or therapist, and you should NEVER try to be. Be with them and supportive of them as you help them find a professional who can help. If you are reading this from a college campus, stop right now and look up where you counseling center is located. Here are some helpful hotlines as well.

How much different could our history and current situations be if more people were willing to fight through the fear of reaching out and more willing to have the vulnerability to throw themselves in front of a person who is traveling a dangerous path and say “I love you and I’m not going to let you go there.”

Thank you to the Campaign to Change Direction for bringing attention to this issue. I’m sure they would welcome a national fraternity/sorority (or several) to their list of sponsoring organizations. Mental health, depression, suicide, and all associated issues are all significantly prevalent in today’s fraternity and sorority. One of the outcomes of tragedy is that it tends to wake us up.

This is a call for all of us to stay awake this time, and truly discover what it means to help each other.

The Place Between Places

noreply@blogger.com (John Shertzer) — Thu, 01 Feb 2018 17:40:00 +0000

I recently experienced some changes in my life professionally and personally that had me somewhat flipped upside-down. Life changes as a 21-year-old can be thrilling, as a 31-year-old can be invigorating, but as a 41-year-old can be downright terrifying. I was organizing some files, and found a favorite essay buried within my "inspiration" folder. Reading it as this point in my life made a deeper impression than when I first read it a decade ago. I thought I would share it, because I feel it's one of those beautifully-crafted passages that every person needs to read. Trust me, there is undeniable truth in what he is saying.

The author is Danaan Perry, is the passage is excerpted from the book Warriors of the Heart.

The Parable of the Trapeze

Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life.

I know most of the right questions and even some of the answers.

But every once in a while as I'm merrily (or even not-so-merrily) swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that, for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar and move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to let go of my old bar completely before I grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar and, for some moment in time, I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar.

Each time, I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. I am each time afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between bars. I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow to keep hanging on to that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. So, for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here."

It's called "transition." I have come to believe that this transition is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing," a noplace between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real, too. But the void in between? Is that just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible?

NO! What a wasted opportunity that would be. I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid the void where the real change, the real growth, occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

From the book Warriors of the Heart by Danaan Parry. www.earthstewards.org