Just saw The Incredible Hulk the other day and totally loved it! Oh, yeah. So did my boys. But in real life, if I want to maintain a cooperative, affectionate relationship with my children, I have to remember to keep dealing with my inner Hulk!

I love the metaphor in the Hulk comics, movies and even the old Bill Bixby series: Banner trying to control the anger beast, and the anger beast eventually getting to the point where it takes him over. I think it’s the major struggle for parents of both genders to keep rage locked away from hurting our kids. It’s a no-brainer to say how destructive anger can be when we express it inappropriately toward a child. There’s a huge difference between letting our kids know we’re serious with stern words, and treating them with hostility, acid criticism, cold withdrawal or acts of rage.

Children have no defence against a torrent of angry words, shame-messages and rough physical treatment; it goes straight into their soul and does damage. It alienates them. They will eventually develop coping mechanisms that probably won’t be healthy.

A process I’ve used for myself as a Dad and recommended to a number of other men where anger has manifested in potentially harmful ways, is managing it with a 3-step approach:

1. recognise (again) that rageful actions are ineffective and harmful
2. develop a strategy to manage your anger positively
3. learn and apply alternatives to your behaviour

I’ve read plenty of parenting material that tells us to not shout at our children or shame them into submission; but to respect them and use alternatives methods of managing their behaviour. This is good stuff. I read plenty about positive ways of modifying children’s behaviour. But what about the adult’s behaviour (step 2 above)? Who manages that? We even find ourselves using the first and third step above “on” our kids: “Don’t throw biscuits are your sister Johnny! Learn to use your words.” But if we don’t work through the second step with them, they’ll rarely make “using words” (or whatever the alternative is) a habit because it’s still anger that’s controlling them…

Back to us parents. What does the adult do with the emotions that they naturally feel? And if I can’t manage my own emotions and behaviour, what hope – and what right – do I have of managing another person’s?

Do you have any strategies that work for calming you down? Do you use Jack Nicolson’s goosfraba from Anger Management (I’m not embarrassed to say this actually works for me)? Do you practise deep breathing like Bruce Banner in the latest Hulk movie? Does it help you to have an outlet? Have you heard good tips on this matter?

For more on this, you might consider The Stressedout Parent’s Guide to a Happier Home-Life.

Katy Lee also has a newsletter you can sign up for at http://adventuresinparenting.org … and when you do you’ll get your own  free copy of The 5-5-5 Recipe Book - five five-minute recipes! And four of them are meat fellas! Worth a look. My boys and I are using the Cola Pork Chops recipe next week!

Detouring slightly into the realm of great blogposts, this one’s well-worth a read:

Sympathy Hormones in Dads [Whilst it is common knowledge that women experience surges and significant falls in certain hormone levels, and even get to try on a few new ones during pregnancy, what is less known is that the imminent father also experiences a couple of hormonal changes himself...]

And finally, I’ve launched an online store, Dad Store, where you can checkout my tips for great books and cool gifts for kids.

I don’t know what other people liked, but here were my ten faves:

1. The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit. (Howard Waldrop)
2. ball, pumpkin, slipper, wedding. then what?(Isabella Mori)
3. He said “I am your father”. (Scott Bird - I had to like this one, being a Star Wars fan)
4. *Ring* Help! He’s– Bang! *Click* Hmmmmmmm (Robert Hruzek)
5. Pets don’t mind if you fart. (Hartley B. Singer (HART)- not really a story, but a great bumper sticker anyway!)
6. “Marry me Susan.” “Yes.” “Really?” “No.” (Ben Yoskovitz)
7. I learned. And the world shrank.(Ben Yoskovitz - yes, he’s that good)
8. Her heart sank. Fish ate it. (Lolita Barnsworth)
9. “The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.” (Orson Scott Card )
10. Attempted six words. Fell short. (Mark Newton)

Ahhhhhh, the creativity.

Fortunately for Youngest Son, the budding actor, he has landed an ensemble role in a local production of Oliver. After his first audition, they asked him to try out for the role of Oliver himself, not a small thing for a boy of 8. As they say, he missed it by that much, but is just totally stoked he got into the play and is LOVING rehearsals.

From little things, big things grow…

SUMMER PROGRAM SIGN UP!
Get fit, have fun and make new friends at O2 MAX Summer Camp.  Join us for daily great activities like:  Hikes, Beach, Yoga, Nutrition, Strength Training & More! You can mix and match dates!

DAILY Available Programs Dates:

JULY 14 - AUGUST 22… Each day will be packed with activities and workouts.  Meals and snacks will be provided. 

Check out their flyer here or you can contact them through their site for more info: http://o2maxfitness.com/maxblog/

In the interests of full disclosure, it’s important I mention that I’m not being paid to promote these events. I am however submitting an article to the organisation’s newsletter and I’m receiving a link back to Freakedout Fathers here.