I just don’t have enough journal articles. After all, zero is a very round number.

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I’m a little late to this party, but academic results are predominantly measured in publications, and to some degree, incoming research dollars. For instance, take a look at this and this. In particular, journal articles, which are peer reviewed, are generally considered the gold standard. The more, the better. That’s why most faculty have publications predominantly listed on their home page. It is a kind of “this is what I’ve done, this is what my academic status is”.

The general guideline I’ve heard in terms of getting hired for a tenure track faculty position is at least two to three journal articles. I thought I had zero, then realized that some of my undergraduate research was actually published in a journal (my advisor did not even involve me in the writing of the paper, although I was responsible for a lot of the implementation and some of the theory). Still, though, that is almost ten years old. Either way, if I were to apply for a tenure track position now, especially at a top notch university, there’s no way I would be hired with the given economic climate (read: competition), and I doubt I’d even get past the first round.

Sure, I’ve got plenty of conference articles, but conference articles count for nothing in academic circles (with a few notable exceptions). I swear, they’ll let anybody who can string a few words together into most conferences, as long as a registration fee is paid. Hell, I’ve gotten a 100% approval rating! Sometimes I wonder if conferences are, at best, excuses for academics to get together and party on the university dime and, at worst, fundraisers. But maybe I’m a little too pessimistic!

Either way, I need to get a journal article or two from my dissertation pronto, which is why I am at work today.

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Next week I start my consulting job at Hansen Medical. I really like the company (heck, they even use the brand of pens I like — Uniball Vision!) and I really like the people, but the consulting status takes a bit of the fun out of it simply because I don’t have the security that a “real job” gives. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the reasoning and I’m happy for the consulting, but the prospect of continuing the job search through the next few months is not very pleasant.

Obviously, I’m not going to talk about Hansen here because private companies lob NDAs like hand grenades.

Once I start next week, I’ll have very little time for putting together this journal article (or maybe two, if I can stretch my dissertation to do so). Which is why I am putting in some time today and Monday.

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I also have to admit that I am mostly in the dark on what it takes to get a tenure track faculty job. Usually, these are questions you ask your advisor, but Advisor has a research position, so things are a little different for him. I should probably have a conversation with him soon (plus I need to talk to him about this pesky video he wants me to do).

In the mean time, I’ll continue reading about my impending faculty position search (which will happen in one to three years, I hope). This post proved to be pretty useful. Although it does mention a guideline of 10 journal articles and a book to get tenure (!).

I’ve been putting in plenty of time on my website project.  Which I probably shouldn’t be doing, since I’ll start the job next week and I still need to write one or two journal articles and submit them.  I’m procrastinating that a bit — towards the end of the week I’ll probably get them drafted before I start the other job.  Advisor also wants a video of my work, which is a little difficult since I haven’t run the robot in a while and I don’t forsee being able to run it in the near future.  I may just edit together some of my existing footage this week and call it a day.

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I realized last week that I really, ultimately want to be in academia, which means I really, really need journal articles.  The general guideline I heard was two-to-three journal articles is the bare minimum to get a tenured faculty job.  Honestly, given the current economy and the fact that all universities are cutting back on funding, I’m not in a rush to get my search started.  I’m hoping to work for a year or two, get those articles cranked out, maybe even a few more, then apply as the economy starts to recover.

Of course, I could be wrong, and I’m not ruling out a teaching position as a stepping stone.  Solely teaching would drive me nuts though — I need to have a research component too.  I’m also not looking for a work-a-holic job, which rules out many of the top universities, but I’m ok with that.

Anyway, this post is a little less organized than I’d like, but I’m not very interested in writing right now, so it will have to do.

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Completely unrelated, I’m honestly a little in shock that I’m actually done with my PhD.  It is just weird!

Someone asked me yesterday if I was feeling relieved that I got everything submitted.  Suprisingly, I don’t.  I just wasn’t that uptight for the last day or two, mostly because things were falling into place and I wasn’t at all concerned about meeting the deadline (that is, once I got responses from my reading committee).  It was way weirder after I defended — that was an experience of constant stress and work for two months, then nothing.

It also helps that I ultimately had very few edits to do, primarily because much of my reading committee was not able to put in a detailed reading.  Though, I suspect that is par for the course when it comes to dissertations.

Today I am going to lay low and mostly work on a side project (web site).  I’ll also do a little digging into peer reviewed journals for the journal article I plan to write based on my dissertation.  More on that in a few days.

He even gave me a nice letter with a stamp on it which proves I submitted my dissertation!

In an hour, I finish this chapter of my life!

Then, I rushed over to the CS building, got some help from an admin, and printed/copied everything.  I should be all set to submit tomorrow morning!

Then, my wife called, and I got a few extra minutes to actually eat lunch since she was picking up the kids.

Finally, I now have a lead on a job-like thing.  But, I don’t want to share any more details to avoid a jinx.

This morning, I made the changes Advisor e-mailed (all very minor), spell-checked the entire document (I’m amazing how many spelling errors no one noticed!), and got a signature from Grand-Ad.

I ended up waiting fifteen minutes for Grand-Ad near his office in the rafters of the engineering building.  The place has a really cool vibe, with lots of mechanical artifacts around, low ceilings, narrow walls, etc.  It reminded me why I want to go into academia (I’ll save the discussion of why tight, cramped offices at the top of buildings attract me for another day).

He showed up on time (wow! an easy signature!) and I apologized for the number of papers he had to sign (since Big Scary made mention of it).  Grand-Ad said, “It’s ok, I’ve signed a few of these in my time.”

Yes, yes he has.

So he signed, and I went on my way.

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It is amazing how focused you get on signatures at this point.  How many do I need, where do they need to be, how can I get them, what do I need to do to get them, etc.  I was always a little skeptical when other, older students and profs told me that a PhD is just a matter of three signatures, but it really is.  Well, ok, maybe three signatures on six different papers, then a few more signatures on other papers.

The good news is that Advisor will be here within an hour and I’ll get all his signatures; then I just need to print it, photocopy three more versions on nice paper, and turn it in tomorrow morning!

I’m still waiting for the admin to get back from a Dr’s appt, but I’m hoping that, with her help, I’ll get the copies done today.  That would make tomorrow really, really easy!

I also have a firm plan to catch up with him tomorrow around 11 am.  And the deadline for Advisor’s changes is fast approaching (11 pm).  It is very possible that I could be printing my dissertation tomorrow, making turning it in on Thursday very easy!

Of course, shit can still go wrong.  But things are looking good…

Edit (10:54 pm): Advisor just e-mailed me.  He’s saying minor changes (still reading) but he’ll get them to me tomorrow morning.  I just might be able to print (or start printing) it tomorrow!  Either way, things look good for Thursday!

I got in contact with Advisor yesterday — he’s done a few more chapters, which I’ll hopefully get from him today, and he’s going to put a rush on doing the last few chapters.  He made it clear that he’s aware of my deadline and he’s not going to suggest major changes before the deadline.

Grand-Ad should get back to me today and I’ll get his signature tomorrow. (I hope!)

But currently, I’m just sitting around.  I fired out another resume at another robotics company, but so far nothing has hit the mark (or come close to it).  All companies seem to be tightening up on hiring.  I really wish I graduated a few years ago — it would have been so much easier to find a job.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I really have two big priorities after I get my dissertation submitted:

1. Find a job.
2. Start putting myself in a position to get a job in academia a few years down the road.

Now, if I could live on a post-doc salary, finding a post-doc would cover both these things.  I suspect that won’t be possible.

What this means is I should put priority next week on getting my dissertation research published in a peer-reviewed journal.  I’ve got plenty of teaching experience, but I’ve heard you need two-three journal articles to get a faculty job.  With a nice round number (zero) I need to get cracking.  Especially since whatever job I get in the near future will probably not let me publish anything.

Still, I’m looking forward to finally getting this degree!

I want you to know that things are moving along nicely and I expect to finish reading your thesis on Tuesday night and sign off on Wednesday. I hope that works for you.

…

So, that is very good news.  I pinged Advisor last night about when he’d have something to me but haven’t gotten anything back yet.  I suspect he’ll be doing his final edit on Wednesday night, if I know him…  I’m so glad I told him Thursday was the deadline!

But, yes, things are looking good for graduation this quarter.

* * * * *

Grand-Ad didn’t give me any edits yet other than that I often confuse ‘that’ and ‘which’.  Which I do.  A lot.  So right now I am starting a ‘which’ hunt to fix all the misuses.  In two chapters I’ve fixed at least 20 misuses of ‘which’!  Apparently this is a big grammar flaw for me.

The rules are pretty simple though:

• That is used anytime you don’t use a comma and are distinguishing an item: I have an old cat that chews its tail. The incorrect version is: I have an old cat which chews its tail.  I do that a lot in my dissertation.
• Which is used any time the phrase is set off with commas.  My cat, which is so stupid that it chews its tail, is very old.
• There is also a distinction between what and which.  For instance, Which cat ate my mouse? implies a discrete set of cats while What cat ate my mouse? implies an infinite set (or unknown set) of possibilities.  I make those mistakes sometimes too, but not nearly as often as that vs which.

Well, I’m off to ferret out the last of the whiches and burn them at the stake fix them.