1. Sometimes, writing about something a bit “obscure” is the way to go. Almost anything is okay, as long as you can make it work.
2. We all have encyclopedic knowledge of something seemingly “useless.” Go to it if you can. I, for example, know Max Headroom and professional wrestling. So guess where I go to first when I need a topic?
3. Wikipedia is your friend. You would be surprised the things I’ve discovered on that site.
4. Write about things that bother you. I, for example, hate the way many tech writers feel the need to kiss Google’s posterior. So when I get a writer’s block, I usually start off with how Google can seemingly get away with (metaphorical) murder.
5. Every now and then, it’s okay to write a “list” post. It’s what I’ doing right now.
6. Never “write off” an idea as boring or basic. What might be common knowledge to you might be new and different to someone else.

…And there you have it. Be sure to come back Monday for more of that “web 2.0 news you can use … among other things.” Until then, I bid thee a fond adieu. Have a great weekend.

Now before we get into the story, there a few things that need to be explained. Ring of Honor (ROH) — the promotion which featured the Age of the Fall – is a bit different than your traditional professional wrestling organization. Unlike the WWE, ROH is more focused on the “sport” of professional wrestling than on the “sports entertainment cavalcade” we all know and love. The larger than life characters and general “sideshow atmosphere” that many expect to see has been replaced with hour long draws and a setting that feels more like a hip rock concert than a pro wrestling event. Sure, the match endings are predetermined, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about who “wins” or loses. It all comes down to one thing: Fighting Spirit; the drive to keep going even though all hope is lost. While ROH did “indulge” in the excesses of sports entertainment from time to time –  gimmicks (characters) such as the “lizard man,” “Billy Idol in short shorts,” and a man famous for being really, really serious at all times were, and still are, common — it all played second fiddle to concept of Fighting Spirit. Simply put, wrestling is king. Everything else takes a backseat.

At the time of the Age of the Fall “situation,” ROH was in the midst a large-scale, over arching story that former booker (head writer) Gabe Sapolsky liked to call “Gang Wars.” The “Gang Wars” was based around one core idea: Teams of three beating the living snot out of each other for seemingly no reason. Each team was based upon a particular style of wrestling — The No Remorse Corps fought dirty and routinely cheated to win, The Vulture Squad were acrobatic risk takers, Sweet ‘n Sour Inc. were a loose parody of wrestling in the 1980’s, and so on. Around June of 2007, rumors of a new team began to swirl amongst fans. Before long, a handful of strange websites began to appear, preaching everything from “revolution” to threatening physical violence on Sapolsky and his wife. (For the record, Sapolsky is strictly a “behind the scenes” person. When he did appear on screen, it was as commentator “Jimmy Bowers.” The fact that he was mentioned by name at all was a big deal.) Fans were confused, but intrigued.

As the months wore on, the cryptic websites were discontinued for an equally cryptic blog called “Project 161.” At least three times a week, an unnamed writer would wax philosophic about everything from Fight Club to the joys of starting a “violent revolution against the status quo.” While the mystery blogger didn’t say much about the blog’s name at first, fans quickly figured out what the “161” in “Project 161” meant — it was Ring of Honor’s 161st show, scheduled for September 15th, 2007. The blog posts continued, but that fans were sufficiently hooked. Nearly everyone was waiting to see what would happen on September 15th.

I’m sorry gang, but I can’t continue this story. No, it’s not because I’m tired or have a headache. It’s due to one thing and one thing only: Nothing else really happened. With that, I figure that it would be best to jump to why I consider Age of the Fall to be a misfire of gigantic proportions.

1. Between the middle of August and the September 15th “deadline,” the only new piece of information that came about was the name of the group (Age of the Fall). That “missing month” allowed the imagination of the fans to run wild, which essentially killed the suspense. They already had their minds made up. Anything other than their own personal “dream team” would have been disappointing.
2. The team was fronted by Jimmy Jacobs, a wrestler who first got over (popular) as the “six-foot tall monster” known as the “Barbaric Berzerker.” (Jacobs is actually five foot two. Before anyone asks, yes. That character was designed to be ironic.) No one really bought that he would suddenly become an evil sociopath bent on destroying all of society.
3. Instead of being based upon a “fighting style,” Age of the Fall was based around buzzwords and yelling angrily. The last thing ROH fans wanted to deal with was a group of “characters.”
4. The original group of four — Jacobs, promising newcomer Tyler Black, cult favorite/future Wrestler star Necro Butcher, and valet Lacey — quickly ballooned to roughly ten, including a former WWE tag team wrestler and a man with one leg.
5. It became a soap opera between Lacey, Jacobs, and top star Austin Aries. Again, fans to didn’t want a soap opera. They wanted Fighting Spirit.
6. Lacey retired from wrestling in the summer of 2008, essentially killing the little “love triangle” mentioned above.
7. The story never ended. Gabe Sapolsky was fired in September of 2008, long before any sort of conclusion was reached. Original plans had Age of the Fall lasting until at least the middle of 2009.

So what can you learn from this debacle? It all comes down to five ideas.

1. Think your idea through. - It doesn’t matter what kind of “cutting edge campaign” you or your business is running. If it’s destined to be online, then it must be planned out in minute detail. Sapolsky basically quit working on the online portion of story after the September 15th debut, and it showed.
2. Write for your audience. – It’s relatively safe to assume that a long, drawn out saga will not appeal to a group of people that would rather be chanting “Best in the world! Best in the world!” and singing the 80’s classic “The Final Countdown” as loud as possible. That is not to say that it isn’t okay to try new things. Just remember to keep everything in perspective.
3. Never “take a break.” Ever. – You need to keep your audience on their toes at all times. Taking any more than a few days off will allow your fan base’s mind to again, run wild. Don’t bombard them with information (that’s bad as well), but don’t leave them hanging, either.
4. Always have a backup plan. – Lacy’s retirement put a gigantic monkey wrench in a story that was already on its last legs. If Gabe Sapolsky would have had a clear backup plan, the ride would have been a bit less bumpy for everyone involved.
5. Make sure your “payoff” is a good one. – There is nothing worse than a great story with a lousy ending. Do everything you can to make sure that that does not happen to you.

…And there you have it. Be sure to come back tomorrow to (finally) see our report on Current TV. Until then, I bid thee a fond adieu.

Tomorrow – Part two of our piece on Current. Halloween is over, as their impromptu fourth anniversary celebration. The time to analyze the network that former Vice President Al Gore bought built is now.

Thursday – What happens when you combine professional wrestling, a lavish Internet campaign, and a character best known as “that guy who stapled money to his forehead in The Wrestler?” If you guessed “Technological Misfire Number Five,” you would be correct. Welcome to Age of the Fall.

Friday – Wrap up time! This can be shelved, if need be. It all depends on what is going on at the time.

…And there you have it. Until tomorrow, I bid thee a fond adieu.

My friends,

You have heard the message Pink Floyd has delivered,
but have you listened?

Perhaps I can be your guide, but I will not solve the enigma for you.

All of you must open your minds and communicate with each other,
as this is the only way the answers can be revealed.

I may help you, but only if obstacles arise.

Listen.

Read.

Think.

Communicate.

If I don’t promise you the answers would you go.

Figure it out yet? Don’t feel bad about it if you didn’t. I haven’t, either. In fact, no one has. For fifteen years, this puzzle, known as the Publius Enigma,  has stumped pretty much everyone that has tried to solve it. The kicker? It was nothing more than a glorified advertisement for Pink Floyd‘s final album, The Division Bell. It’s odd, it’s cryptic, and it’s our third — or fourth, depending on your particular point of view — Technological Misfire.

Our misfire begins in June of 1994 on the”official” Pink Floyd Usenet group. While that might seem odd now, you must keep these three things in mind at all times:

1. Usenet was king. If it was worth talking about, it had a newsgroup.
2. The Usenet was undergoing a “transition period” known to some as the “Eternal September.” To make a very long story short, the Eternal September denotes the moment in time when users new to the Internet began to outnumber the technological elite. Because of this, many otherwise civil newsgroups were now targets for pointless arguments, spam, and other annoyances caused by the so-called “AOL crowd.”
3. There was much to talk about in the land of Floyd at the time. In addition to the new album, the band was ready to embark on a giant world tour. Sure, it didn’t have former creative head Roger Waters involved — Waters had left the band in the 80’s for a variety of reasons — but it made no difference. Pink Floyd was Pink Floyd, no matter who was playing bass at the time.

When the person known as Publius first appeared, no one really believed that he had anything to do with the band at all. It wasn’t until his name quite literally appeared in lights at a July 1994 show in New Jersey that people started to pay attention. Throughout the next year, fans were treated to various clues, comments and taunts from Publius, all designed to confuse the living hell out the Pink Floyd online community help members find the “solution.” He ultimately disappeared in late 1995, when Pink Floyd officially went into retirement.

So why did I include this on a list of misfires, you ask? Well, that will take a bit of explanation.

1. Like Quest for Fame and “Entering a New Ride,” it was a concept that people were simply not ready for. Fans wanted to talk about Pink Floyd and Roger Waters, not figure out the world’s most cryptic puzzle.
2. It was far too cryptic. In order for something like this to work, the players have to know what their motivation is. The Beatles, for example, made people question the “health” of Paul McCartney. Canadian science fiction program ReGenesis had fans foil a fictional bio-terrorism attack. Pink Floyd had some random person talk in circles for no apparent reason.
3. There was no resolution. The “solution” was never revealed; Publius never unmasked himself. The closest thing to a conclusion the general public has gotten is a statement from drummer Nick Mason, who claimed that Publius was an “EMI employee who adored puzzles.” There are some who also claim that “Publius” acquired his taste  for wordplay while working for the CIA.
4. It was way too hard. Seriously, I don’t even think that the great — and entirely fictional — Edward Nigma could figure this one out.
5. For every one person who believed that Publius was connected to the band, there were four that believed that he was simply a product of the Eternal September.
6. After Publius disappeared for good, there were several users who felt the need to “carry on his legacy” by posing as him. This did nothing but confuse the issue at hand.

…And there you have it. Despite its creator’s intentions, the Publius Enigma was nothing more than a confusing, headache inducing exercise in frustration and unfulfilled promises. Because of that, I have no choice than to declare it a Technological Misfire. Until tomorrow, I bid thee a fond adieu.

PS: Expect to see the promised analysis of Current TV in a few days. Most the shows aired last weekend were glorified Halloween specials, and Monday’s programming has been preempted for a “Best of Current” birthday celebration — not necessarily the best material to base an article around.

Day One: The introduction. It’s what you are reading right now.

Day Two: I “binge” upon everything Current has to offer, both on television and online. Special attention will be paid to it’s “unorthodox” style. Is it mainstream? I don’t know yet. Does it make money? I have absolutely no idea … but I am about to find out.

Day Three: We make our case for Current’s “current” Misfire status.

…And there you have it. Come back tomorrow to see me analyze Current TV. Until then, we bid thee a fond adieu.

Punk. There are few words in the English language that can bring up such passion in a human being. To some, the word “punk” conjurers up images of Johnny Rotten, Joey Ramone, and/or Henry Rollins singing as loud as humanly possible to a room of angry, yet strangely happy, teenagers. To others, it is a word that describes those “rotten kids” that knock over old people’s garbage cans and casually walk on their lawns. There are even those who associate the word with a certain world champion professional wrestler. By and large, though, “punk” has come to mean one thing: Doing or saying something that will ultimately upset the “establishment,” AKA “The Man.” Our story today deals with the latter most concept.

In the world of music, “going punk” can be achieved in several different ways. The normally loud and bombastic Green Day went “punk” by writing a gentle, albeit extremely sarcastic, ballad that is still heard on soft rock stations to this day. Japanese band The Pillows go “punk” by writing and performing songs in English. Sure, most of their English-language material make absolutely no sense, but that’s the point. Big Audio Dynamite (also known as BAD), on the other hand, didn’t have to write a sappy sounding song or adopt a foreign language in order to bother “The Man.” All they did was release an album of original material on the Internet … for free … in 1997. To truly enjoy the tale that I am going to relate, you will need to know a bit of the back story.

The band Big Audio Dynamite was formed in 1984 by Mick Jones, the guitarist for legendary punk band The Clash. Unlike The Clash, Big Audio Dynamite was more concerned with having a good time than it was proving a political point. To accentuate this point — or rather, the complete and total lack of one — Jones brought a myriad of modern styles to the table, including reggae, electronica, and ’80’s-style dance music. BAD was also one of the first bands to embrace hip hop-level sampling. Nowhere is this more apparent than in their signature hit “Rush,” which relies on The Who’s “Baba O’ Reilly” to provide much of the counter melody. While not nearly as successful as Jones’ previous band, BAD was respected by fans and critics alike for embracing the unknown, both sonically and otherwise.

Fast forward to 1998. Although Big Audio Dynamite still had their loyal fan base, their days of topping the charts had long since passed. Their previous album, “F-Punk,” contained no hit singles and was panned by almost every critic alive. In an effort to return the mainstream, Mick Jones recruited former English Beat and  General Public lead singer Ranking Roger to handle the vocals on the new album, tentatively entitled “Entering a New Ride.” The only potential roadblock facing Jones and company was BAD’s record label, Radioactive Records. To say that Radioactive hated the new album was an understatement. It was so reviled, in fact, that the big brass wouldn’t even release it. Faced with what seemed to be a no-win situation, Jones did what any sane, reasonable person would have done at the time: He released the album on the Internet for free. Every week for eighteen weeks, a brand new Wave file was uploaded to a specially designed website. Sure, the band lost a bundle on the deal, but what did it really matter? Somebody, somewhere was listening to the new album, and that was enough.

Now you’re probably wondering why I consider this to be a “misfire.” After all, it really was a creative, inventive way to make the best out of a bad situation. It all comes down to six “issues” for me:

1. The File Type Issue – The average size for a four minute Wave file is roughly 45 megabytes. Now picture yourself loading that 45 megabyte file eighteen times over a “super fast” 28.8 modem.
2. The Website Issue – The website was the only place that this album was available. The second it was taken down, the album disappeared from the face of the Earth. And no, that is not an exaggeration. I spent hours looking for this album — iTunes, those quasi-legal Russian downloading sites, BitTorrent — only to hit dead end after dead end. The closest I came was a fan site that “claimed” to have the album in full. Unfortunately, it lead me to a dead link.
3. The “Money” Issue – As I said above, no one made a dime off of this.
4. The “Computer” Issue – Not many people had CD burners in 1997. If you wanted to listen to this album, you either had to go to your computer or hook up a cassette deck to the sound card. While the former was good for the occasional listen, it made repeat listening all but impossible. As for the latter, well … even the best tape could not match the sound of a Wave file. Sure, it was better than nothing, but still.
5. The Lack of Proper Advertising - Despite their handful of hit recordings, Big Audio Dynamite wasn’t necessarily the biggest band in the world. As such, not many people actually knew about this until much, much later. A bigger band would have been able to advertise a bit more.
6. The Novel Approach – It’s a new idea. Problems like those mentioned above are bound to happen.

…And there you have it. While it might not have been the most practical or “cost effective” idea out there, “Entering a New Ride” helped to establish the “downloading” culture we know and love today. And that, my friends, is about as “punk” as a human being can possibly get.

This isn’t the first time that a famous individual decided to “dabble” in the realm of technology. For some, such as former Doobie Brothers guitarist turned respected rocket scientist Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, the move fit like a glove. For others … let’s just say it did not end well. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the Top Five Technological Misfires: Celebrity Edition. First on the docket is legendary rock band Aerosmith. So what is their crime against technology, you ask? It all boils down to one word: Gaming.

Anyone who is even remotely familiar with gaming knows about the synergy between the beloved world of interactive ones-and-zeroes and rock music. For every two games that could actually be considered successful (namely Guitar Hero and Rock Band), there are at least eight that were not worth the digital media that it was printed on. In the past thirty years, gamers who dig that rock ‘n roll music have been subjected to everything from Journey Escape for the Atari 2600 to the Motley Crue’s Crue Ball for the Sega Genesis to Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. Still, there are few music-based games as bad as the Aerosmith-sponsored Revolution X and Quest for Fame.

The so-called “boys from Boston” first foray into the digital realm was Revolution X, a Duck Hunt-esque light gun game released to arcades nationwide in 1994. The premise was simple: Aerosmith has been taken hostage by The “New Order Nation,” a terrorist organization led by a dominatrix named Helga. It is up to you and your never ending supply of razor sharp Aersomith compact discs to save the band and make the world a better place. (Hey, I said the story was “simple.” I never said anything about it making sense. And no, I am not making any of this up.) After what seems like years, you finally save the band, only to discover three horrific, unsettling truths:

1. None of the band members can actually act. There are episodes of America’s Most Wanted that feature better acting.
2. You just spent anywhere from $5 to $70 on what ended up being a bad remake of T2: The Arcade Game.
3. That was three hours of your life that you will never get back. Ever.

By the end of the game, you inevitably find yourself rooting for the villainous dominatrix. Sure, all of your rights would be repressed, but at least you wouldn’t have to play this game any longer.

For the 1996 “follow up,” the band decided to ditch the “arcade” approach for something a bit more suited to their talents. Made with the help of IBM, Quest for Glory was a rhythm game designed to give fans the “complete Aersomith experience,” minus the money, the fame, and fifteen-plus years of illegal substances. Despite it all, it was actually quite fun to play. Think Rock Band, only you’re tethered to your brand new, Pentium-based PC running Windows 95 instead of a Playstation 3 or an X-Box 360. So why is it included with the digitized train wreck known as Revolution X? It’s all due to five things:

1. PCs weren’t nearly as “accessible” then as they are today.
2. The game cost roughly $90 … provided that you could even find it at all.
3. The game was played with the V-Pick, a plastic, pick-like device that plugged into your PC’s parallel port. Unfortunately, the V-Pick, like many specialized controllers and MIDI devices at the time, did not necessarily work well with the soon-to-be antiquated standard. The result was a spotty and ultimately disappointing game play experience. Those who couldn’t get the V-Pick to work were “allowed” to use the space bar on the keyboard instead, but it just wasn’t the same.
4. Promised add-ons — the Virual Guitar and the V-Stix, respectively — were even harder to find than the game itself.
5. Why play this when you could be playing the much more modern (and easier to find) Guitar Hero: Aersomith instead?

A slightly reworked version of Quest for Fame was released as a “digital extra” on Aerosmith’s 1997 release, Nine Lives. It is notable for being the first rhythm game to include a full drum track.

…And there you have it. Be sure to come back tomorrow, when we take a “fair and balanced” look at the Al Gore-run cable network/web portal Current TV. Until then, we bid thee a fond adieu.