Kho Tao isn’t seasonal like Phuket. The monsoon hits the Gulf Sea off Phuket from October/ November, and while it’s classified as monsoon season now in the Andaman Sea (where we are) conditions are still good enough for diving.

Monsoon season is actually a good time to visit Thailand – it’s pleasant and cool and prices decrease significantly.

Expectations of Thailand

I’ve had discussions about what the ‘real Thailand’ is. I laugh at my naivety before we came here. I expected this:

And I got this…

The first photo was taken in Laos, which is perhaps what Thailand looked like a century ago.

I think both are the real Thailand. Night clubs and girlie bars are as much a part of Thailand today as rice paddies and water buffalo.

Has tourism ruined Thailand? While it’s beneficial on the one hand, how much of the country’s original culture has remained?

Mama appeared, her colourful skirt swaying around her skinny hips. She showed us her bird, bought in Bangkok, named Disco for his skills on the dancefloor. “Choop choop,” she said. “Kiss, kiss.”

The bird happily hopped onto W’s hand and climbed up to his shoulder and proceeded to nibble his hair and ear.  He didn’t want to come down.

Mama busily prunes bonsai trees with shears, folding back the twigs, expertly, using the skills she acquired from working at a nursery in Switzerland. She gives me a flower to put in my hair.

She ducks into her kitchen, which is chaotic: Pictures of relatives on walls, piles of newspapers, cutlery scattered everywhere.

W pointed out the birds nests in caves that fetch top dollar in Asian countries. It’s a delicacy apparently. Here’s a photo of a birds nest climber… Looks like quite a dangerous job, but it beats being at the office. Photo credit: http://www.andamanadventures.com/

I’m dozing in a hammock under the shade of a tree, watching dragonflies dance above me. There are dark, bruised thunderclouds hanging over the sea.

Snorkelling here is amazing. I felt like an explorer of another world. Choral stretches out into the distance like an underwater forest. I watched gold and purple fish nibble on choral. Schools of small silver fish dart in one, fluid motion.

I wriggled my finger at colourful sea anemonae and they shot under the surface. Clams look like purple mouths opening and snapping shut.

Wildlife in Koh Tao

There’s not just abundant life in the sea, but on land as well. At nights bats shriek and dip and wheel through the sky. I didn’t sleep well as I was paranoid about the scurrying in the roof. Is it a snake? Bat? Spiders?

W got up early to do two boat dives to Shark island. There aren’t any sharks despite the name. Apparently there’s 75 percent less sharks here. Koh Tao was once used as political prison. People were unlikely to try to escape because of all the sharks circling its waters.

The water here is gloriously warm. What a contrast from swimming in the Antarctic where I could only stand to dip in my big toe! I love the taxi boats with the coloural ribbons tied to the stern, and offerings of fruit and water to ensure a safe passage.

It’s interesting to see the influence or confluence of Hinduism, Buddhism and other religions. I love the spirit houses built for ancestors, complete with mini furniture and mini cars!

At night I watched people kayak to their boats to sleep aboard for the night, light streaming like moon glow from the boats. The sky was so full of stars we didn’t need a torch to find our bungalow.

How to get to Koh Tao

We travelled for 2 hours from Koh Samui to Koh Tao, another stunning island, on Lomprayah Catamaran. The catamaran was very modern, everyone seated on these huge leather seats. It felt like we were going to take off. Some passengers were dopped off in Koh Phangnan – the party island. We arrived in Mae Haed pier, a busy transfer point full of touts.

Diving in an island paradise

Want to learn to dive or are you already certified? Koh Tao is a diver’s dream. We chose to come to Koh Tao in monsoon season since you can dive here pretty much year-round, while everything shuts down around monsoon season in Ko Lanta and other islands around Phuket.

Since we both dive we decided to stay at Black Tip Diving Resort - accessible only after a bumpy, nail-biting ride where we squeezed in between other passengers and all the luggage.

(Mainly ours mind you. Tip: Pack light! Clothes are cheap here so you really don’t need to bring lots of clothes with you, and you might need some space if you want to buy that silk tapestry you had your eye on).

Ao Tanote Bay

It was worth the ride, though. Ao Tanote Bay is on the east side of island and much quieter. We stayed in a bungalow on the hill with eye-popping views of the beach. Even though the accommodation is quite basic, the view will make you feel like a millionaire. (Bring earplugs, though. Those geckos can get noisy!). The rooms on the hill have mosquito nets, roomy bathrooms and a deck area.

At night, lights of fighing boats dot the calm water, which laps against the shingle. White birds dive into the water – turquoise at the shallows and fading into a denim blue. W signed up for a diving package which reduced costs, and did a refresher since it’s been a while since he dived.

Accommodation in Koh Tao

Black Tip Diving Resort is basic but quite comfortable and you can negotiate rates in low season. It’s named after black tip reef sharks that live in bay. Or used to live here. The owner, an avid scuba diver, recalls how his friends used to dare each other to swim to the nearby rock because there were so many sharks.

Now you’d be lucky to see any. But the resort can arrange ‘sharkelling’ trips to a nearby Black Tip colony. (If you dare). I feel ambiguous about seeing sharks. I think it would be an honor, considering how rare they are now with good ol’ China’s fondness for shark fin soup, but I’m also terrified. Coming from the Cape, the Great White’s hunting ground, it’s hard to shake that primal fear.

What to do in Koh Tao (aside from diving)

Even though the east of Koh Tao is more remote, you can catch a noisy longtail to other parts of island. The restaurant here, aptly named Poseidon, is very chilled with the ubiquitous Bob Marley music and Thai mats with headrests that you can lie on and watch the stars, while nibbling on tempura. It’s impossible to be stressed here. How will I ever adjust to the fast pace of Western life after this?

A surprise

This Thai girl asked if we wanted to buy something. We looked closer and perched on her hand was this tiny squirrel-like creature. Curious, it crawled onto W’s hand and then back up up the girl’s arm and fell asleep. It was only a day old and she hadn’t named him yet so she asked us to do the honor. So we named him Max after our hamster we left at home. Maybe we all exist in parallel dimensions? Perhaps there is a Thai version of me out there?

Kayaking at Ang Thong Marine Park near Ko Samui

We discovered a family of HUGE geckos living behind the shower of our very rustic hut in Koh Samui. (Why do the accommodation website photos always look so much better?). W had to use his cap to remove a frog. Our hut has become a wildlife refuge

Have I mentioned the food in Thailand? (Maybe only 100 times). I’m inspired to learn how to use spices now (as opposed to what I usually do which is drown everything in chutney).

So far I’ve sampled papaya salad, green curry made with kaffir leaves and coconut milk, and the doubly delicious dessert – deep-fried banana and honey.

Chaweng restaurant has good, cheap food – and a flush toilet. (Always a plus in my opinion. Haven’t quite mastered squatting yet. Thais must have super-toned legs).

Went to the doc about my blocked ears. He prodded around with this long needle and told me to raise hand if I was in any pain. I raised it about 10 times. I am such a wimp.

Went to Tesco which is this massive superstore. It felt like I was back home only there were Asians everywhere and all the products had Thai names. Keep waiting to see authentic rice paddies. None yet. Will keep you posted.

My husband had a scooter accident. It was his first time on a bike and he fell off twice. The Thais were lovely and brought their medicine box, refusing to accept any money.
W got patched up at pharmacy and looks like a mummy with all the bandages! We walked along Chaweng main road (a very long road) to find Khao San Bakery.

We spent the day on Chaweng beach, eating hot corn on cob and getting another Thai massage. It’s a tough life! The masseuse was tiny but powerful. She twisted my body and I heard it go ‘click’!

While Koh Samui and the islands are very Western, if you go off main road, it’s still unmistakably Thai. Real Thai life carries on behind the scenes. People see W all bandaged and instantly guess – motorbike accident? We’ve seen other farangs in a similar condition.

An amazing kayaking trip

We went on a Blue Stars Kayaking tour to Ang Thong Marine Park, which boasts about 42 land formations – spectacular islands jutting out of the sea. We took a ferry from Nathong on the West Coast. It was quite a rough, 2-hour ride. Not so fun squatting above the toilet with water swishing around my ankles!

We took a longtail to one of the islands. Love the way they tie colourful ribbons to the ends of the boats, and place food offerings for spirits for a safe journey. Beautiful, limestone cliffs, the shrill sound of cicadas. (Saw someone trying to catch them once with a butterfly net. Quite tasty apparently).

We hiked up to a viewpoint of an emerald-green lake – a sinkhole formed by the collapse of land into underground tunnels and caves.

Our bald, tattooed German tour guide said that Thais believe Ang thong national Park was formed when men were fighting over a woman and they were turned to stone. ‘Koh’ means island.

We kayaked around the marine park and had a great Thai buffet lunch on boat. We went snorkelling, but the visibility was poor due to plankton. Scraped my knee my on choral just as I turned around to hear W saying “be careful of choral!” We kayaked through slip-throughs, and into an enclosed lake. Beautiful and quiet, surrounded by limestone cliffs, hot from the sun reflecting on water.

Apparently a 3-metre no fishing zone surrounds the park, but we suspect that this is not always adhered to. It’s monsoon season and it rained on the road trip back to Chaweng. The rain comes in short bursts, water steaming on the hot roads.

We went to Lamai market and got pad thai takeaways, and drove back to Jungle Club on a 4×4. Found a red-striped frog on our bed when we got back to our hut.

Our taxi driver was a character. He taught us some Thai and chuckled at our mistakes. When he found out we’re from SA, he brightened: ‘Lugby!’ He knew all the names of the Springbok team. Coins and notes of different currencies were stuck on the taxi’s dashboard.

We flew Bangkok Airlines (Air Asia is usually a cheaper option). It’s only a 45 minute flight to Ko Samui. It was amazing to fly in over ocean, the landing strip appeared so suddenly I thought we were going to plunge into sea. On the plane they played Sting’s ‘An Englishmen in New York.’

Koh Samui is very commercial. It’s a party island, like many of Thailand’s islands. Its luxury resorts provide tourists with the ultimate self-indulgence. We drove from the small airport to Chaweng, the centre. It’s very much geared towards tourists. Tourism is the number one industry in Thailand. Our taxi driver told us this island alone has 500 guesthouses and 3 million coconut trees. Who counts these things?

Accommodation in Koh Samui

Our guesthouse, Jungle Club, was only accessible by a bumpy, 4×4 ride up the mountains. Saw water buffalos. The setting was just gorgeous – with an amazing view of the whole island, coconut trees and lights of fishing boats bobbing on the water. It’s is so clear you that can see Koh Pangnan in distance. Loved swimming in the pool on a muggy night, star-gazing. The air is warm and soft like silk.

It’s a very relaxed environment. The Jungle Club team are super-chilled and Bob Marley plays constantly. At night you can hear the chirping of gecko (ge-ko, ge-ko). Our hut, at only 400 baht a night, was very basic. We tossed and turned in our hard bed.

There’s no aircon, only a fan, and a cold shower, which housed a family of geckos. (They are huge!). Their restaurant is sublime. You can sit in these treehouses lit up with red lanterns with the island spread out below you.

Shopping and Thai Massage on Koh Samui

Staying on Thailand’s islands is hedonistic experience. We went to Chaweng, which was fairly quiet since it was low season. We visited the street stalls and tried our hand at bartering. They punch a figure in a calculator and pass it on to you, and the exchange continues until you reach a price. We treated ourselves to a one hour massage on Chaweng beach. Thais use every part of their body in massage – feet soles, elbows, wrists, knees. They even stand on you! 

A 1 hour massage cost 200 baht and was well-worth it. We swam in the crystal clear, warm water and got stung by sea anenomes. I was amazed that the beach vendors are all covered up in jeans and long-sleeve shirts. Thais don’t like the sun, and the shops are stocked with anti-whitening cream.

They must think farangs (foreigners) are very odd for wanting to be darker. Pink-skinned, fat tourists doze on loungechairs, while Thais bring them drinks. It’s scary to see how overweight some tourists are. Thais see it as a sign of wealth and don’t hesitate to call someone fat, thinking it a compliment.

I saw two Thai girls with two large foreigners and they were poking at their bellies and laughing. There are lots of Thai beauties walking around with massive men, usually twice their age. They must be in heaven. Imagine, they probably lived in suits in some dreary, cold country, and now they’re wear shortsevery day (saw a few wearing boxers) with a Thai beauty riding on the back of their motorbike.

There are bars everywhere in Koh Samui advertising ‘Happy hours’ and ‘Very happy hour’. I picked up the Thai expression ‘same same’ and use it all the time now. Had brilliant pad thai (noodles) at a restaurant called Will Wait.  I’m craving cheese and bread! Prices here vary widely. The more touristy spots are pricier – it’s wise to shop around. You can get meal for as little as 30 baht.

I’ve noticed that Thais wear string around wrist (from monks apparently), amulets (“for luck” said one taxi driver), and bracelets that say ‘Long Live the King’.  There are ads everwhere for parties on nearby Koh Pangnan: Full moon party, half moon, quarter moon. Everyone’s trying to cash in.

I don’t like being perceived as a rich white tourist. Even though I’m not American one taxi driver said: “Cheap for you, you have dollars!” He refused to believe me when I said I’m really not wealthy. I haven’t seen many beggars in Thailand, and the beggars I have seen play music or try to earn their keep. People seem to scrape together a living doing anything they can. 

Cars and boats blare adverts to come watch muay tai boxing or go to a party. This is really a tourist mecca. The commercialism can get a bit much. For dinner I tried spicy glass noodle yam. I felt like my lips had been stung by bees. There are restaurants here to suit every palate, even Indian restaurants. I laughed when I saw a sign on a taxi: I speak English, I love farang.

People nap everwhere – on the floor, on benches, in their food cart. I saw a man sawing a block of ice; another was selling lottery tickets, and other sold keys of every imaginable size and shape.

Cats retreat to the temples for shade. They are tiny and skeletal – bigger than the rats I’ve seen. I love the serenity of the temples, the sound of windschimes, the smell of incense, people kneeling to pray, or getting a blessing from a monk in exchange for a donation or food parcel. (They call it making merit).

A welcome retreat from crazy Bangkok. This shouts at you from billboards, blaring Thai pop music, muzzled street dogs, and the endless roar of traffic. It’s a city that never sleeps.

Beautiful temples

My favourite temple was Wat Ratchanatdaram Worawihan. I loved the maze we walked, my barefeet touching the cold tiles, Buddha statues in various poses lined along the walls.

After a steep climb, we reached the top of temple where we could see the red, shimmering roofs of temples, dilapidated buildings of the old city and hi-rises of new Bangkok. At the foot of the stupa were enclosed Buddha relics, garlands of marigolds, and wind chimes with peoples’ names.

We walked through the nearby market crammed with Buddhist and Indian paraphernalia, and hundreds of amulets, worn for spiritual protection.

I loved this second temple on this property. I caught my breath at the big golden Buddha, so serene-looking. A skinny, chainsmoking monk blew smoke rings in the corner. Aren’t Buddhists supposed to give up all attachments? I loved the high ceilings, pillars, and intricate wall murals, and watching people patiently restore them with small brushes on scaffoldings.

I loved the enormous, heavy doors to the temple with their ornate carvings, guarded by sculptures of mythical lions, phoenix and scowling Thai warriors. I enjoyed the neat gardens and bonsai trees, the gold and mother of pearl inlay of the temples, the student monks writing at their desks. There’s a grand, medieval-looking temple with black spires that is lit up at night.

Eau de sewer

The stench in Bangkok is persistent: Fumes from cars, food, sewerage, heat. It takes some getting used to. I stupidly brough a few sweaters with me which I have now donated because you can walk around wearing shorts and a t-shirt, even at night.

We went to a small restaurant run by middle-aged Thai lady. There was no menu; you just point to the food you want buffet-style. The eatery is called Arois (delicious). Awards and framed magazine articles hang on walls. I braved a plate of ‘yam’ (spicy Thai salad). It was very, very hot. A Thai customer laughed at me when he saw me fanning my mouth.

The owner felt sorry for us and gave us sandwich cakes and iced fruit to ease the burn. Some cafes only serve one type of dish, for instance noodle shops only serve noodles, and these are the cheapest bet.

The customers watched a Thai soapie on small TV, laughing. They love their Thai soapies, which always look so dramatic. They also love slapstick comedy with those weird sound-effects. Thais are very comical.

The Golden Mount

We walked to another temple called the Golden Mount which takes you up a winding staircase, overlooking Bangkok. I loved the sound of gongs echoing into the distance; the colourful ribbons tied on spirit trees where they believe spirits live, and are so sacred they won’t cut them down. Worshippers dunk orchids in water and bless themselves, hanging wind chimes in the trees.

Where to eat in Bangkok

People eat everywhere here. It’s a national pastime! Thai schoolgirls watch TV on side of street while snacking on noodles from food cart.

We went for dinner at a restaurant in Banglamphu district called Thip Samai. Plastic chairs and tables spilled onto the street; rats ran past half-open sewers. The eatery was packed and we had to share a table. The sound of chatter, the hiss and steam of the wok frying noodles, the clatter of plates and cutlery, was overwhelming.

I loved watching the cooks, in full view of the public, throwing noodles of different sizes and colours into the wok, adding spices thaht make your eyes burn, and wrapping everything into small takeaway parcels.

Bangkok is still manic at night, with lots of traffic and shops still open. My husband went for a haircut at 9pm. This eatery is famous for its pad thai – fried noodles with egg, shrimp and spices. Yummy. And it cost only 30 baht. You eat the noodles with chopsticks, and other dishes use a fork and spoon. You garnish the dish yourself with beansprouts, lemongrass, fish sauce, chillie sauce, even sugar.

There’s another popular noodle dish with egg covering it. People break hold in middle and add spices, sugar, chillies, and ground peanuts. Our table neighbors laughed at us when they saw us watching them, trying to figure out what to do!

I definitely recommend sampling as many Thai dishes as you can while you are here!

A perk of travelling: all the stunning sights.

That’s a tough one. It sounds so glamorous, doesn’t it? And  it definitely has its rewards. Teaching on a camp in Phuket, for instance, I’ve got to do some really fun things. Since my 30th I’ve been determined to try everything that comes my way. (Forget the Yes Man, I am the Yes Girl!).

I put on a harness and climbed a pole (with steel grips) about the length of a telephone pole, trying not to look down, and muttering under my breath: I WILL do this, I WILL do this! And I made it to the top! And then… I had to let go.

Letting go

It went against every instinct to let go. I clung to that pole for dear life, peering down at the tiny figures below, urging me to do it. I was shaking so badly and my heart pounded in my ears. And then I shut my eyes, said a prayer, and let go. And, swinging in mid-air amidst the treetops, I felt SO good! I’m terrified of heights and it felt brilliant to have achieved that. (We’ll forget that I nearly vomited when I touched ground).

Those are the moments that I think it’s all worth it. On Songkran (Thai New Year) we had lots of activities for the kids. I got myself two water pistols and discovered I turn into quite a bitch when I’m armed, saying weird things like: What’s up punk? Who’s your mama? You’re going down bee-utch! Quite unlike me – I was raised in the suburbs for goodness sake!

I even wore a sumo-wresting outfit like the ones they wear on the Ellen show and wrestled with another girl. Was hilarious crashing into each other with our huge bellies, grunting and swearing. Managed to slam her onto the mat and sat on her for a good minute.

The joys and pitfalls of travelling

I’m not sure when I’ll stop moving. I’ve moved house 16 times. For a while I felt like I was just wandering aimlessly, but I’ve had such amazing experiences. I’ve worn a salmon suit at a street protest in Seattle. I’ve eaten hotdogs at an American baseball game. I’ve camped in the Californian redwood forest. I’ve seen the Grand Canyon, ridden an elephant in Thailand, flown in a small plane over the Congo jungle.

And I guess I can live with the lack of personal space because what I want most is personal freedom.

I think I cope by telling myself it won’t last forever, and just to stick things out for a bit longer. Sort of like the way I trick myself when I go running. I tell myself as soon as I’ve done x number of kilometres I’ll stop. Then when I get there, I say, just a bit further, until I’ve run triple the distance. Weird thing is I keep falling for the trick every time…

I make a home, then dismantle it, pack it away in boxes. Every time I move I add something new – a dog-eared copy of The Best American Travel Writing I bought at a second-hand bookstore in Phuket; a Buddhist amulet given to me by a Thai jeweler for luck; the eulogy I read at dad’s funeral, a black-and-white photo of him at his graduation ceremony, in his cap and gown, his eyes full of hope.

The only fixed point, the only constant in my life, is me, the face in the mirror – and even that is changing. I think I have changed a lot, or maybe, I’ve become more myself. Strangely, I feel younger as I get older – more playful, less serious. One of my primary objectives now is to have fun (although I guess making ‘having fun’ an objective is quite serious so maybe I haven’t change that much!).

Maybe it’s because 40 is looming, but I want to make the best of every experience that comes my way. I wasted my 20s wishing I was somewhere else/ someone else/ in another job, and now I’ve sort of accepted that I might never find my ‘ideal life’ but I don’t want to waste another minute wishing my life was different.

While I may not have physical space to call home, I feel, strangely, after all these years of wandering, at home in myself. It only took 30 years to get there.

They have all these little accessories that they attach to the phones so when I collect them before bed I’m literally weighed down by phones with their teddy bear/fake banana/diamond-studded accessories. 

Impaired motor skills

The rich kids are, for lack of a better word, a little useless. They’re spoilt rotten by their parents and have everything done for them. I often heard: “Teeeeeaaaacher!” (I don’t even hear it now – I zone out). Open this jam bottle for me, teacher, fix this for me, teacher toast the bread for me, etc.

One kid didn’t know how to tie his shoelaces. Another kid (named Stone, perhaps because he acted stoned half the time), started crying after he was told to run.

His legs went flying in various directions like a newborn calf. Clearly he had never used his limbs in this way before and it was terribly traumatic. If this is the new generation, we are screwed!

The click generation

The funny thing is they are ingenious at playing computer games and using their ipads/itouches/ipods and iwhatevers (some students get growths on their fingers from sms burnout), but ask them to turn on a computer or type in a website address or open a word document, and they’re lost.

The kids spent half an hour trying to type in one website address. At least I know how to print. What scares me is that kids today are so techno savvy (when it comes to computer games anyway) but they have no idea how to function outside of the civilized world. Drop us in the wild and we’d slip right down to the bottom of the food chain.