We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. -Winston Churhill (1874-1965), British Prime Minister.

Teleological. Goal seeking organism. According to Aristotle, that’s what we all are. Some call it go-getters, others refer to it as survival of the fittest. Kill or be killed. Only the strong survive. All that don’t fight are fit for extinction!

Really? Is this the human condition? Wouldn’t an unbridled attack attitude lead to chaos? Look at how much ill will there is toward the wealthy. Certainly we celebrate the inventors like Steve Jobs who brought us pleasing and life changing products, but what about all those bankers who raked in massive fees while their industry tanked…where was the value added cried the abused!

So it appears that the masses tend to lean towards fair play…no problem that there’s a game to play and win, but when you cheat you get reeled in quickly and chastised. So what’s at play here? To some extent we all like to “get” and advance our own cause, but is there a right or better way to do it? And if there is, who says what’s better? Who makes the rules anyhow?

Some would argue that there’s a moral authority that we should look to, but what if you don’t believe that God or any higher power exists? What about a referee? Do we need one? Can we even find an unbiased one that’s incorruptible?

Rather than get exasperated about trying to police unbridled “getting”, why not look to giving? Consider the historical perspective…who do we remember the most? The extreme “getters” such as Napoleon, Hitler, Hussein amongst other enterprising conquerors and the extreme “givers” such as Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King.

The latter are the most celebrated, but why? What is it about the givers that appeals to the masses? After all, both extreme getters and givers are filled with passions and belief systems that breed an unbridled commitment and focus that’s compelling.

So the two camps start to form. “Forget about that ultimate giving stuff…it just doesn’t pay well enough”, shout the getters while the givers say “why accumulate all that stuff, it’s just a Pyrrhic victory!” Well maybe the real answer sits somewhere in a blended solution of getting and giving or perhaps it’s a question of which comes first?

Let’s go back to the passion. The most remarkable people in life are those who truly believe in something with such enthusiasm that they create a magnetic pull towards there cause. It’s once the attraction happens that the truth of the source is revealed. If it’s based on giving it breeds more giving.

True giving is based in humility and when somebody receives a gift with no strings attached it’s invigorating. Happiness ensues and the vortex of positive energy increases. The reluctant stand by and admire until they throw caution to the wind and join this great force of nature!

You see there never should be any doubt that ultimately giving prevails…yet the greatest irony of all is that those who give, especially in an unconditional way, get more then any plunder could ever deliver! So go start giving first because that’s where you’ll find true satisfaction and endless receiving in return!

Why? Well not the least of which could be the insecurity of man and the desire to lead. Or of course the competitive nature of man to dominate others at any expense. Yet there are many examples of minds coming together to collaborate for great achievement. Simply look to Edison’s lab loaded with people grinding away in search of the right filament material.

So this begs the question: do you start by gathering the minds first or the idea or goal to rally around and let the interested minds be magnetically attracted?

What do you think?

In the context of your business, start by asking yourself why you’re the best option for the consumer and watch as your passion to compete swells up. Listen to the conviction with which you describe the problems in your industry and how the lesser competitors could never compare to your compassion and level of service.

Then write it all down. Clean it up. Simplify it. Convert it into a simple claim based statement that tells the world why they should choose you. Then there you have it; the campfire that your mojo loves to gather around.

You can do this in any aspect of your life. Simply remember that all you need to find your mojo again is to turn your passion loose. You’ll always find your way back!

Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fail. -Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774) Irish poet, writer and physician.

Chest pumped up. Head held high. Come and go as you please. Get paid well. Spend it freely. Plenty of friends. Who cares about the haters? If anybody gets too close for comfort, bite them. Who cares? Everybody that matters likes you anyway…or do they?

So is this the description of us at our best or just what our self-indulgent ego thinks is our best? These days it’s not hard to see how little tolerance the general population has for those that think they can dictate and dominate at the true hard hitting expense of others. It might work for a while but, ultimately it will bring you down. Just look to the world’s dictators who are no longer or the financial institutions that redistributed the average consumers money without adding value.

All of this has come into complete focus as people have been broken by a changing world. For me, I’ve lived it and coached many people through it, even my new dog. Our full-of-life Springer had gotten so out of control that he thought he had a rightful place at the dinner table. Now after a second round of training he came home almost dejected and depressed. Talk about pulling on your heart strings.

Yet I’m blessed to know that look let alone feel it. It’s the tired stare we make after life yanks us off the greased skids we were cruising along. What the heck happened? Our sails were filled with plenty of wind and the waves at our back and just like that it changes. We figure maybe it will be okay soon enough, but it stays tough. Then the clouds start to roll in and we don’t even notice them.

Like a magnet we now seem to have everything going against us. Friends start to abandon us. Business gets worse. You can’t seem to get a break and you curse the world. However, what if all of this is your calling. What if this is the time the life’s True Architect is dialing your number? How in the world can you be at your best if life were always easy?

How does it help anybody to sit on the couch and have life on call for home delivery? What happened to that hungry survivalist that had to hunt and gather? Did you know that “technology” has been evolving since the beginning of time? Where would you be if Steve Jobs hadn’t been pounded on by the world many times only to get up over and over until he changed the world?

So you think that “get-up-and-keep-fighting” stuff doesn’t apply to you? Why not? What makes you so special that life should be easy for just you? Or maybe it takes a ton of new energy to keep fighting and you just don’t know where it will come from? Well challenge it all! Look in the mirror and see if it’s the best you can be. You’ll know the answer. And if you see a battered and torn vision then feel even more blessed, because that’s precisely when you’re already down and remember that when you’re down you’re closest to getting up!

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. -Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher.

My word is my bond. My name is everything. This is what I heard from a few real estate agents this week when I asked them about their values. This all came in the context of of helping them build the presentations that they give to their prospects. My train of thought had been challenged by something I recently read that said all great presentations were based on values and described values as internal states of emotions…something more abstract than simple words.

Perhaps this discovery is at the very heart of why so many people seem to be going through the motions in business and life. It’s one thing to be taught something that works, but if you’re not really feeling it internally, won’t it shine through? If you believe that we can read each other by simple body movements, wouldn’t a lack of true conviction be obvious? Furthermore, if other people truly are looking for leaders and experts why would they line up with somebody that didn’t fully believe in themselves and their message?

Many of us are always after that seemingly illusive concept of success. We want it so badly that we tend to get obsessed with its pursuit. Some of us will even cheat to get it. Enormous volumes have been written about it. Many works about success eventually conclude that we have to start with why we’re after it at all. Why we want to be successful might ultimately be as simple as our drive to survive, which in modern days invokes a more complicated plight in the information age than kill or be killed.

But what if we just start with that concept of value as what we feel internally. Rather than left brain the analysis to death, what if you just get in touch with what you feel when things go your way? When you feel happy ask why. Why do many of us do what feels like the right thing to do? Not necessarily a moral discussion, but a simple feeling about what gives you that good feeling in your gut.

Once you start to feel that, name it. Write it down. Read it. Set is apart from everything else but especially fear. Fear is nothing more than all the excuses we use to suppress talking about what we really want and even worse it keeps us from taking action. We worry about feeling stupid. What if the world laughs? What if the magnetic pull of mediocre steps up and tackles us on the pursuit?

The fact is that you’ll have to expect to be robbed of what you truly value by everything and anybody, but why listen. What’s worse…living some watered down version of the best you can be or tripping, falling and sputtering as you fly relentlessly towards what your really value? Just saying it out loud gives you more life. So let it rip! My word is my bond! I’d do anything to protect my family name! I’d give up my life for my country! I’ll found my company because people need what I have! I’ll overpower Goliath with my passion! It’s in me and has always been there! I will give it life fearlessly before I die slowly! Go forward now and own it because the world always rises up to support the believers that own it!

Getting hit motivates me. It makes me punish the guy more. A fighter takes a punch, hits back with three more. Roberto Duran (1951-) One of the greatest fighters of all time known as Manos de Piedra (Hands of Stone).

So many ups and downs in life. The tide rises and carries us to the top of the mountain where we catch a glimpse of glory only to come crashing back to sea level as the wave slams back down on the sand. Just watch a surfer go from taming a monster wave to getting tossed like a rag doll only to paddle back out and look for some more.

It’s so frustrating to continually be pounded down to the ground and eventually we wonder what the heck happened to all those good days. The times when nothing seem to go wrong and if it did, how we were able to keep rolling forward and nothing could stop us.

The other night, I watched a fantastic boxing match where the champ traveled from England to come into the challenger’s home town of Washington D.C. The battle was ferocious from the get go with the champ knocking the home town fighter down twice in the early rounds. The tilt of the ring made it look like it might be an early victory celebration for the visitor.

Yet in spite of being shaken early, the challenger kept coming forward and he never stopped all night. He kept throwing punches with great intent in spite of being over-matched in the skill department. In fact he was so relentless the champ resorted to pushing him away and lost 2 points for trying to regain the edge.

As the fight went to the judges decision you could almost feel what was about to happen as the announcer confirmed that indeed the upset victory had crowned a new champ. The local boy had unseated the champ. The tears flowed as the challenger’s team celebrated not only the night’s victory, but also the long and lonely road that lead to the moment.

From homeless to champion! How could it be? How could the challenger have even imagined himself with such a great opportunity? When did he decide long ago that the journey would be worth it? How had he overcome the lows, including two previous devastating losses that pushed him backwards on his upwardly mobile journey?

You see the simple answer is because the fight is all we really have. There’s not one of us that doesn’t wake up every day and have to go to battle. Whether it’s financial, spiritual, emotional or physical it’s coming for you. You might as well start to wrap your hands up so they don’t get bloodied. Don’t forget to grease up your face because you’re definitely going to get punched and probably get knocked down.

But you always have a fighter’s chance. On any given day and in any moment in time you have an opportunity. As the fight went back and forth the other night, one of the commentators said that the challenger would have to be special. It was the night to step up, face the latest knock down and persevere; and as if the challenger could hear the same in his heart, he did just that. He knew that the time was his to rise or fall and he made the decision that the night belonged to him. How about you?

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. -Suzanne Somers, Actress.

So you’ve done something wrong. It keeps gnawing away at you. You keep burying it deeper. You rationalize why you did what you did but it keeps poking away. It wakes you up in the middle of a deep sleep. It invades your peace of mind. You get mad every time you think about it. You blame the circumstances of those who “made” you do it.

Eventually you run out of ways to make it okay. It tackles you to the bed. You pull up the sheets as the anger turns to depression. You start to wonder if a drink or a pill will make it just go away and it does…but for how long? The bottle doesn’t seem to be deep enough and before you know it you’re further down the wrong path. It all seems to be slipping down the hill quickly.

You come to the realization that life is like a game of shoots and ladders. One minute you’re climbing to the top and discovering the best of who you are and the next minute your dropping through a trap door and plunging into the abyss. What was the tripping point? Where did it come from? Was it a sudden event or was it like a cobra laying low in the grass for hours just waiting to pounce?

Suddenly one day it just seems so clear. You see all the silly things that you do in those moments of weakness and compromise. How you hurt other people just to self-satisfy and get ahead. In the moment, you never see the cloud building over your head. The one you create. Eventually it cracks wide open and floods your life. You know you caused it. Now the tough part.

You become conscious of your actions. Your awareness makes you cringe in embarrassment. How could you have? You punish yourself and wonder if there’s possibly anybody that’s as bad as you are. Well the simple answer is that of course there is. You could be any one of us because nobody can avoid this roller coaster. It’s part of the human endeavor. More importantly, it’s the essence of the journey.

So why pick up the stones and throw them unless you’re willing to bounce one off your own noggin first. Instead recognize the opportunity that humility can bring. Brought to a low point you just might be able to see your greatest chance yet. A time to bet on you. A time to be free. Spread your wings and jump into the upstream. Not worrying about how the world will judge you.

You see it’s never too late to forgive yourself. Why get mad at the judges? Understand that they’re yet to arrive where you are. Lay bare your faults and strip your humanity naked to world and tell somebody else it’s going to be okay. Start over again. Reset the switch to the beginning and be thankful for your stumbles. There has been many a brick mason that has tripped before you only to rise again to build a fortress!

Your brain is involved in everything you do. -Daniel Amen, M.D. and author.

Negative Attack

So who questions you? Your teacher? Your parents? Your spouse? Your kids? Probably all of them on a regular basis and then some. Maybe they don’t do it out loud, but rest assured they do it, especially when they don’t agree with what you say or how you say it. When they do get up the courage to challenge your spoken thoughts, you might even get a bit worked up and feel attacked, but maybe it’s those feelings that should have us questioning ourselves.

So what if we’re spewing a bunch of negativity? Do we even realize that it creeps in or is it happening to us at a more subconscious level? Where does the stuff come from? Our emotions? Are emotions caused by external events or are the inbred? Is it possible that we’re hard-wired for a little bit of the positive and negative mixed together that eventually cheats to the bad side? What about a physical trauma? Can that create a mess of negativity?

The ANTs

According to Doctor Daniel Amen’s book, Change Your Brain Change Your Life, there’s no question that there are many direct physical links to negativity. He also counsels his patients to beware of ANTs or Automatic Negative Thoughts as they can inflict serious medical trauma to the deep limbic system of the brain. He challenges them to understand that ANTs are literally brain pollution that need to be exterminated.

The first step to getting rid of the problem is to recognize it even exists. Notice the words you use. Do they blame? Do they express negative absolutes like “I Never”? Are they predictors of doomsday around every corner? How about mind reading all the negative thoughts other people are having about you? It’s all really nonsense that most of us engage in at some point. So how do we slow it down?

Irrational Thoughts

Well the reason to try to stop it all together is that it’s literally wearing us down physically…maybe even killing us slowly! So let’s set up high on the mental hill for a good vantage point and be on the look out. Let’s start listening to what we say during conversations. Not only should we be listening to the people we are engaged with, but more importantly we need to hear our own words. We must begin to set up a red alert system for negativity that lives on the tip of our own tongue. Then question all of it!

You see thoughts are powerful but they’re not always right. They happen for many reasons that may or may not be real or rational. So don’t trust everything you think, especially when it’s negative. Go deeper and consider the source and ask why? Why do we say what we say and is it really helpful at all to be negative about anything or anybody? Start immediately by questioning you every day!

Just up the road a bit from where I live, the Pilgrims gave thanks. They had plenty of ups and downs, especially in the first winter when many of them didn’t even survive. To this day you can go there and witness the rugged conditions those early settlers had to endure.

Nevertheless they were thankful. They were free to live and worship as they saw fit. Nobody telling them how to think. They made plenty of mistakes but found meaning in all of it.

So how about you? Are you grateful that people like that came before us and struggled immensely to chisel out greater opportunity for future generations? Is your life really that hard? Look around and I bet you’ll find somebody today struggling like an early American settler. Be thankful that you have what you do and reach out with your talent and your resources to help.

Thanksgiving is a time to recognize the blessings that you really have but might have forgotten…so slow down, take inventory and be thankful!

No man means all he says and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought it vicious. -Henry B. Adams (1838-1913) Journalist and member of the Adams political family.

My mother was always threatening to wash my mouth out with soap when I was a kid…so I challenged her with a wee bit of vulgarity. Not only did she keep her promise, she upped the ante by coming after me with a mop in an attempt to clean me up once and for all.

Obviously since I’m still talking about it, the impact and lesson was important. At first blush, it might seem as simple as a parent trying to reel in the rebellion of just another wild kid pushing the envelope, however, the key point is that I never realized the words were having a much greater negative impact on me than my mother.

I’ve come to realize that although the brain is wired a certain way upon birth, it can be changed either over time or in an instant during a traumatic event. Regardless of the circumstance, we tend to attach great emotion to any situation and create a picture in our minds…a virtual movie. That movie is then added to our in-brain library and plays both on-demand or consciously and automatically or subconsciously.

When anything dominates our mind, we feel compelled to give it life through words. If the emotions are positive we tend to use wonderful words to release the movie to the public, often times in a very conscious way. However, what if the movie is a tragedy filled with pain and suffering? Who wants to talk about that…throw that thing in the back of the library and lock it down. Not so easy.

You have no choice. There’s no delete button to get rid of your bad movies and that’s where the words get downright ugly. What would you say to somebody if they walked up and tapped you on the shoulder right after you just watched a story where you were the victim? Would you snap on them with a forked tongue? How about watching somebody else play the hero compared to your worst when your were the zero? Would you say anything you could to discredit them?

You see it’s very easy to spit nasty words and not even realize you’re doing it…even the nicest people fall down on this one. Why? Because we all have movies we’re we flop and it’s hard not to talk negatively when we remember them. Since these events are impossible to erase, how do we keep them form causing us to be hurtful with our words?

Why not just listen to what we say? Of course it’s not very difficult to remember when we had a case of the nasties, with a side of anger and if we take a minute to look in the rear view mirror we’ll hear the echo of the words. What did we say? Wow! That bad huh? Yes! Who did we say them to? Our family? Our best friends? A complete and innocent stranger? If this were a standardized test the answer would be (E) All of the Above.

The reason we need to stop doing this asap is because even though it’s hurting other people, it’s killing us. Why? These negative words are the food we’re feeding our brains. We’re giving even more life to the negative movies and building them into mechanisms of self-destruction and blinding us to the great opportunities life is offering! So next time you spew some poison, just remember my mother is coming after you with the mop yelling, “watch your mouth!”