French Touch Mom

Fifty shades of boredom – French mom vs. North-American mommy porn

Elodie — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 20:32:29 +0000

So lately the interwebs has been abuzz with talks of “mommy porn”. Hum, sounds catchy doesn’t it? Juxtaposing mommy and porn seems edgy for journalists apparently. For the sole purpose of shedding some light for our few readers here I shamelessly purchased a copy of the famous (or infamous) Fifty Shades of Grey, and because I’m a good friend, I got a copy for our very own Laure so she can write her own review here too!

My first impression of the book in all honesty was that it was pretty poorly written. I’m no literature expert but I do appreciate my prose to be somewhat flourished, even if I’m a worn-out, sleep-deprived mom who has little brain available. Sure, the book is an easy read, especially if you are stuck on the couch breastfeeding a voracious baby with the horrible dilemma of having to choose between Duck Dynasty or Hoarders on TV…

Other bloggers have written posts about how condescending the term mommy porn is, so I won’t even go there. We mamas may have some extra flab here and there, hoohas that look like a freight train just went through them and lovely stretch marks but we deserve better than to be treated like slightly retarded people who need a little something to get their mojo back. Not too edgy though because (God-forbid!) it might threaten the sanctity of motherhood. Some North-American puritans (allegedly in Florida) have actually banned the book from libraries because it may have a bad influence on you impressionable mamas (insert sarcasm here…). Honestly people, you think all those babies we carry and feed were born out of an immaculate conception? I get why journalists and the like get so excited… Anyhooo…

From a feminist perspective, the book does nothing for women empowerment; it just depicts how a nicely-dressed über-rich guy can impress a young woman into buying into his fetish. No surprise here, this is a message you can find on almost any mass-media outlet today, so I won’t dwell on it either, countless feminist blogs have done it already. Feminists all around are ranting about the way this depicts women’s sexuality as something normative and constraining, a very far cry from what the sexual liberation gals like Naomi Wolf are trying to achieve. EL James is no pioneer here, what is depicted in the book is sadly reinforced by many “women’s” magazines giving you the A to Z about how to look, how to dress and how to experience orgasm.

If, as many would argue, you shouldn’t read the book for a perspective on modern feminism, but just for some light reading and maybe a little turn-on, I’d actually suggest picking up some more classic literature. Story of O by Pauline Réage is less “vanilla” than this would-be S&M novel, and slightly better written. Not everyone can appreciate the “Divin Marquis” Sade, but it is the penultimate classic in libertine literature, both more sophisticated in its philosophical message and more crude in its descriptions. You also have the option of picking up a good Ann Rice novel, especially if you are also a fan of vampires, witches and other fantasy creatures. Surprisingly, if you are looking for some more modern, yet feminist racy novels, look no further than Quebec. A surprising number of young authors have some really funky books in the genre, often with a humoristic twist. I highly recommend Marie Gray’s “Histoires à faire rougir”. They are a funny and light read that may even appeal to your partner. Bitch Magazine also has a list of more interesting erotica.

My take from all of this? The book is really a bore and if this is what makes mommies all around frisky then sexy time amongst parent couples must be pretty bland in North America! Or else it does say something about how poorly mommies are viewed by publishers and their plethora of marketing experts. When did erotica become so politically correct? Seriously? On the other hand, one must appreciate all the hilarious parodies that have stemmed from this book (which, BTW was meant to be a fan-fiction of another decried trilogy…). I highly recommend Fifty Shades of Bacon and Fifty Shades of Chicken, both culinary parodies. Bon appétit!

The 21-day no-shouting challenge

Elodie — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 06:22:51 +0000

In my line of work, non-violent communication is key, as is the art of listening. In my home, with two kids and very busy days, I sometimes have a hard time applying what I’ve been practicing at work. I’ve found myself shouting at my eldest a lot more these days. As the French would put it, I “râle”! Râler is a verb that covers a wide spectrum of complaining behaviours, and is used a lot by the French!

While we try our best at home to deal in a non-threatening way with our toddler’s tantrums and meltdowns, it has been more challenging in the past few months. Because I love researching, I’ve been reading a lot about non-violent communication with kids and positive discipline. I’m not always completely convinced by the books I read, because the people who write them seem to all have compliant and angelic children, not exactly the model I have… I have more of a spirited child, with a very strong will and little patience. Dang!

Like any other mom I have my good days and my bad days. Sometimes the kids are really needy and whinny all day and there’s just too much to get done and I lose it a bit. I’ll forget to give my eldest a snack before we go grocery shopping and will have to deal with the dreaded public meltdown. Instead of feeling empathy for my kid, I’ll feel ashamed and frustrated. I’ll threaten and shout. Not really good if you’re going for the good-mom badge… For some reason, my kids really know how to trigger me and press my buttons, especially when I’m tired or dealing with a lot of physical pain…

So, I got really excited recently to hear about another French mom’s idea: to challenge ourselves by trying to go through 21 days without shouting at our kids. This mom’s idea stemmed from a nice post on a website called jarretederaler.com. The goal is to stop complaining and finding better ways to deal with the curve balls life throws at us on a daily basis.

So here we go… starting Monday, I’ll start my own 21-day challenge. Printing up and posting the website’s 7 tips to stop shouting at kids:

1- Breathe and speak in a very soft voice – kids will have to stop and listen to hear you

2- Sit on the floor – get to your kid’s level to hear him out and fill up his need for emotional support

3- Go for a pee-break – taking an adult time-out helps!

4- Sing! To take some of the tension away…

5- Mirror your kid – repeat what they say or their behaviour. I’ve already tried that and mirrored my eldest’s tantrum behaviour. It was totally effective; he fizzled out and started laughing!

6- If he could he would – kids really want to please, most of the time! Sometimes I get frustrated because he spills his milk but often he doesn’t do it on purpose…

7- Set barriers – kids test the limits so being consistent is key. Something all parenting books stress so there’s probably something to it.

I’ll let you know how I did after 21 days! My husband gets to give out yellow and red cards when I raise my voice, so he’ll be the referee for my challenge.

I’m also reading Parenting From the Inside Out, to learn how to deal with some of the stuff that triggers me. This book was recommended to me by several friends who went through a similar questioning about their tendency to lose their temper.

How do you deal with your kids when they frustrate you or trigger you?

Some of the resources I found interesting while researching dealing with spirited children:

and in French:

Preparing for baby: baby shower or blessingway?

Elodie — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 17:46:42 +0000

In France, just about like anywhere else, people usually shower new parents with gifts for their first baby. You get all the “adorable” bibs your great-aunt Greta knit herself, the little booties, onesies and other “cute” stuff people love to buy for babies. This gift-giving usually happens after the baby is born and is a way for people to gain access to your home or your hospital room to see and coo over the baby while trying desperately to figure out who the baby looks like the most (Uncle Roger, Grandpa Maurice or the mailman, you pick…).

Our babies' favourite slippers..

When I moved to Canada and found out I was expecting my first, my coworkers got really excited about organizing a “baby shower”. Now, having spent my teenage years watching a whole bunch of American comedies and tv shows, I wasn’t completely clueless. I knew it involved some sort of girly gathering with cupcakes, baby gifts and some weird games. I was intrigued by this tradition to give gifts before the baby was born, as in many parts of Europe it would be considered bad luck until after the baby is safe and sound earth-side. Nevertheless, I was willing to comply with this seemingly innocuous tradition of our adoptive country. Since Laure was expecting her own little munchkin a few months before mine was due, I was also able to observe how the ceremony goes. Laure had to taste different jars of baby food and guess what was in them amongst other fun activities. Girlfriends provided cake and sweets and swaped stories aboutmotherhood, giving advice for the new mom-to-be along with gifts for the baby. Baby showers are a little bit like bridal showers and depending on the mom and her girlfriends it will cover a broad spectrum from low key and funky to high-end spa treatments and catering from the best cupcake place in town.

My co-workers actually had a wonderful idea for my first baby shower, instead of giving us the usual baby gifts, they each brought their favourite childhood book along with a wish for the baby, so we now have a huge library of amazing stories to pick from every night. Including several copies of “Good Night Moon”!

The second time around, my more hippy feminist girlfriends decided to host a blessingway, a ceremony inspired by traditional cultures where pregnant women are adorned with symbols, bathed and massaged before receiving prayers and blessings from the women around for a safe birth. Because I was planning a vaginal birth after caesarean and attempting a homebirth again, it seemed timely! My friends gathered in the garden shared some good food and hired a wonderful henna artist, Nicole Pilich, who did a beautiful henna design on my belly while my friends shared blessings, feminist poetry and jokes. They also each brought me a bead to make a birthing necklace, symbolizing the circle of womanly support around me. I really enjoyed this little ceremony and the feeling of being surrounded by lovely and witty women.

Other blessingways could include foot massages for mama and her friends, casting mama’s belly or composing a song with all her friends.

I was lucky on both occasions to have people who had thoughtful ideas for the celebration. I enjoyed both parties a lot. If you don’t want to be overwhelmed by gifts for baby you don’t necessarily need, I would recommend letting your friends know in advance what gifts would be appreciated and what your philosophy around these types of celebrations are. Some baby showers can involve pitching in for a common gift that the parents will truly need or, for a blessingway, you may ask of participants to donate a little something on behalf of the baby to a non-profit instead of buying some gift you won’t need.

Both baby showers and blessingways are a rite of passage that should celebrate your passage to motherhood and be uplifting. If you are a guest at a shower or a blessingway, keep any horrible war-like birth stories or unwanted advice to yourself and remember that this is time to pamper and empower mama before her life gets turned upside down by bébé.

Organizing a blessingway? Here is a great book with some wonderful ideas: Mother Rising, the blessingway journey into motherhood

For baby-shower themes, home-making guru Martha Stewart has a list of ideas on her website.

My Biggest Discovery when I Became a Mother

Laure — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 06:22:24 +0000

The whole time I was expecting, I knew what to expect. I had read the book. But what happened after that was kind of… fuzzy.

One thing I knew for certain, though, was how my day to day decisions would be crucial in shaping my kids’ personality.

WRONG.

Turns out, babies are are born with their own personality.

Big Kiddo has always been very independent. He’s easy going and very cooperative. He even had the good taste of arriving one week early – late enough that he was perfectly healthy, and soon enough that I didn’t get to seriously consider castor oil.

Except for a few technical difficulties, parenting Big Kiddo consisted in letting him play on his own and admiring how cute he was.

My husband and I knew we had a very easy baby. We didn’t take all the credit. But for sure our superior parenting skills had something to do with it.

And then we had Lil’ Kiddo.

Lil’ Kiddo knows what he wants. So does the entire block. His personality definitely has more ups and more downs than Big Kiddo’s. He’s very smart and he’s figured out pretty quickly that he doesn’t have to do things. That’s what moms are for. Why work so hard to follow the normal developmental milestones, when all you have to do is master the high-pitched-ear-piercing scream and what you want magically appears?

In both cases, it’s a real pleasure to discover their personality, and to learn how to foster it.

And you, what was your biggest discovery after you became a parent?

Bringing Up Bébé: A French Touch Mom’s Opinion

Laure — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 05:00:10 +0000

When I heard about the book Bringing Up Bébé, by Pamela Druckerman, my immediate thought was: “uh…parenting children the French way? Really? Aren’t you afraid they’re going to turn into French adults?”.

In case you haven’t heard about this book, in a nutshell, it is about an American journalist who becomes a mother in Paris. When she realizes how well behaved French kids are, she does what she does best. She investigates.

I bought the book because I was dying to know: how do real French moms raise their kids?

Overall a nice read

While I’m not sure the book answers my question, it was a very nice read. It is not your typical baby manual where someone with an impressive list of impressive credentials tells you what to do. Instead, the author tells her personal story. Occasionally fleshed out with some broader study results. I like her style. And I feel free to adopt what I want from the book.

And I have to admit. She got me turning the pages frantically when she announced that she would reveal French parents’ secret for babies who sleep through the night at only 4 months.

A few caveats though

Idealized representation of French kids

I didn’t really buy her introduction. According to her, French kids are all little angels who’ll eat anything with a smile, are patient, and consistently obey their parents.

Yeah. I’m French.

And I can tell you that I’ve seen French children whose diet consisted exclusively of French fries. And temper tantrums in restaurants.

Not typical French moms

The French moms that she’s associating with (and describing in her book) are not typical middle class moms. One of her friends, for instance, is a publisher. And she’s apparently able to live in a sanitary apartment in Paris. That would be upper-middle class French. With the associated demands and resources regarding children’s upbringing.

Comparing with my own field research

The timing of my reading Bringing Up Bébé was appropriate since I started right before we traveled back to France to show off Lil’ Kiddo for the first time. And I was still reading it in France. So I was able to question my friends and relatives on how we were raised up, and how their children are raised up.

While the author certainly idealizes French parenting and its results, some things in this book resonated with me. I do find that overall French parents have a more relaxed approach to parenting. They embrace that parenting isn’t learnt from books. They won’t try to dissect every single aspect of parenting and try to “get it right”.

In the end I’m very happy that I read this book. Since I’m a French mom who had a baby in Canada, the parallel was interesting. And I retained some things from it that I’m trying to apply with my children. I would absolutely recommend.

Beating Vancouver weather: crafting with your kids

Elodie — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 04:38:45 +0000

Living in Vancouver means dreading rainy weekends. With a very active toddler, it can be hard to get through a dreary day without any meltdowns. We usually spend a lot of our rainy days visiting Science World or the Aquarium, where there is space for kids to run about and fun things to do and see. Recently, I took to crafting with the little passenger (especially this year as summer took a while to appear…) I would not consider myself a master crafter (Nolwenn is the artist here!) but I do enjoy dabbling with paint, glue, scissors and the such so it didn’t take much to get me excited about doing arts and crafts with my kid. It was also a great way for us to spend some time together, when he can get my full attention as we work away on a project. With a little brother taking up a lot of my time, it was a nice way to reconnect.

I’ve also noticed that activities such as finger painting can be a great way to channel negative energy in my kid. When a tantrum is on the horizon, it seems like sitting him down with some paper and a couple of cups of paint will turn an ugly meltdown into 15 minutes of peace. God knows I need it with a nursing baby who never seems to want to let go of my boobs!

A lot of fun crafty activities can be done with recycled material from home and don’t necessarily cost a lot. We recently made a rain stick with a leftover mailing tube, some nails and beans. Liam had a great time hammering the nails in and glueing paper around his creation.This type of activity really promotes concentration.

Another easy one was making a paper-maché hot air balloon. Most of the materials came from the Dollar store (a balloon, some colored tissue paper, a little basket…)

I get my crafting supplies from a variety of places, Dollar stores for basic materials, Michael’s or Opus for specialized tools and art supplies and kid’s toy stores usually have basics like paint and crayons.

Here a two of my favourite websites for crafting ideas:

The Imagination Tree

The Crafty Crow

We also try to incorporate some of the Montessori pedagogy when we craft and the following two blogs are a great source of inspiration. Both are written by French moms who use Montessori techniques with their children and are packed with great ideas:

A la Douce

Petit Homme

I also love walking by Christianne’s Lyceum on Alma and 9th avenue they always have lovely crafts hanging in their window, depending on the season it can also be a great source of ideas… Do you craft with your kids? Where do you get your inspiration from?

How I’ve been borderline postpartum depressed

Laure — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:48:08 +0000

Shortly after Lil’ Kiddo was born, I had to come to the realization that I wasn’t enjoying my time with baby as much as I had with Big Kiddo. Here is my story on how bringing up my feelings to my doctor helped me feel the magic the second time around.

Is It Postpartum Depression?

Before they released me, my midwives had screened me for PPD and made sure I knew how to recognize the symptoms of depression. I wasn’t feeling miserable. It never occurred to me to hurt myself or my baby. Technically I was caring well for my baby. He was strolled outside several times a day, fed on demand, carried in my arms almost at anytime of the day. On paper, there was nothing wrong with me.

But I was annoyed. Annoyed that it was raining all day long (a perk of having a September baby in Vancouver). Annoyed that I couldn’t leave Lil’ Kiddo by himself, not even to go to the bathroom. Annoyed that somehow my husband never seemed to do things right.

After having enjoyed my maternity leave with Big Kiddo so much, how come I wasn’t with Lil’ Kiddo? He wasn’t a bad baby. He didn’t have any health issues. And why was I always mad at my husband?

As I read articles and testimonies on postpartum depression, it occurred to me: maybe I was suffering from a mild depression. I found it unfair for Lil’ Kiddo that I wouldn’t keep such a great memory from my maternity leave with him as with Big Kiddo, and that’s what triggered my bringing up my feelings to my family doctor.

The doctor asked me questions on my mood and my feelings. He didn’t seem convinced I was suffering from PPD but he decided to humour me and labeled it “borderline postpartum depression”.

Chemical happiness

The doctor prescribed me a low dosage of anti depressants. I believe they really helped. I know not every mom is comfortable with drugs while breastfeeding. But you might be interested in the two other types of help I got from talking to the doctor.

Someone on my side

The doctor spent some time identifying what my grievances were. It became apparent that I was mentally drained because baby didn’t have any routine whatsoever. When I put him to bed, I didn’t know if he would wake up in 5, 10, or 45 minutes. And he hardly ever napped for more than 45 minutes. I didn’t get any compassion from my family because on the other side, at only 2 months old, baby was sleeping for 11 hours at night in a single stretch. Don’t hate me right now, the 4 month sleep regression took care of that.

Just having the doctor acknowledge that yes, I had reasons to feel frustrated, made me feel tremendously better.

A plan of action

The doctor then gave me a plan of action to help put Lil’ Kiddo on a more predictable schedule. Honestly, he didn’t tell me anything I didnt’ know yet. But having it formalized in a plan of action and validated by the doctor somehow helped too. And it was only a matter of weeks before I felt this magical feeling that every new mom should feel.

In a way I’m happy that I had my first experience to compare to. If I had felt like that with Big Kiddo I would probably have thought that I wasn’t cut out to be a mom and never considered seeking for help.

I wanted to share my experience because reading other testimonies helped me identifying that maybe there was something wrong with me that could be cured. Being a new mom is challenging but it should be a happy, fulfilling experience. If it isn’t then have a chat with your health care provider!

Flying with your baby or your toddler: an expat mom’s top ten tips and tricks

Elodie — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 22:07:26 +0000

I’m the third generation of expat mom in my family. Both my grandma and my mom had to travel with young kids, often on their own, now it’s my turn! With family scattered around the globe, family reunions mean many hours spent on planes, trains and other means of transportation… Here are my top ten tips and tricks for flying with babies or toddlers.

1- When possible, get a seat for baby and try to get seats in the middle row. Why? When you get tired of holding baby, you can make baby a little nest in his seat with pillows and blankets and get some rest. Some parents actually like to board the plane with their car seat, so baby is securely seated in something that feels familiar. With a toddler, having the extra seat allows your squirmy kid to have their own tray table to play on and their own screen to view cartoons. More peace for mom and dad… Most people want to have window seats so more often than not, if you pick seats in the middle-row on a plane, you’ll end up having the whole row to yourself, which allows you to have more space to stretch out. Remember that the plane bassinets are scarce and only hold babies up to 6 months. Booking an extra seat is totally worth the expense on longer flights!

2- Leave with little tummies full! Nothing stresses out a parent or other passengers like a kid having a I’m-too-hungry-to-behave meltdown when it’s time to board… Fill-up before leaving and pack extra snacks just in case. For babies, feed them just before you board the plane, it will make the transition easier for everyone, especially if baby tends to fall asleep after a feed.

3- Pack a little bag just for the kid with snacks, toys, coloring books and their favorite blankie or stuffed animal. With babies or toddlers, bring out one toy at the time, keeping them busy but also preserving some surprise for the trip as you pull out a new toy or game.

4- Care for little ears. Most babies and toddlers will cry during take-off and landing because of the pressure in their eardrums. To avoid the frustrating cries, try to nurse babies during take-off and landing or give your toddler a sippy-cup with some water or juice to drink. Swallowing will help with the pressure.

5- Use technology wisely! My last trip solo with my toddler, I packed my laptop with some of his favorite Curious George shows. It kept him busy through a nine-hour flight and another two-hour train ride, when we needed some calm time and we had run out of games to play. With the new tablets and other gadgets, you can keep kids busy, just beware of getting them over-excited!

6- Pack wisely and dress comfortably! If you are travelling with items that will be checked at security, make sure to pack them in a way that’s easy to unpack during security checks. Remember to collapse your stroller at security and avoid all liquids that could be scrutinized. If you are travelling with breastmilk, just notify security, it’s OK to travel with breastmilk for baby. Check ahead of time what items you will have to show at security: liquids, electronics etc… Wear shoes that are easy to take on and off, slip-ons are the best if you have to hold a squirming baby while passing security. Also remember to pack a few more diapers in case your flight gets delayed. One trick I learned for breastfeeding: wear a tank top you can pull down with a loose t-shirt or blouse on top, that way you can keep you pull the top layer up and the bottom layer down, avoiding cool drafts on your midriff while preserving some modesty and avoiding nasty comments from unsupportive fellow passengers.

7- Check your airport’s and your airline’s website to see what their rules are for travelling with young kids, most of them offer good advice and knowing in advance what their requirements are will allow you to be prepared. Some airlines don’t actually require you to strap baby on for take-off and landing which makes it easier if you have to breastfeed them. I was actually able to keep my baby in his wrap carrier on one instance, which was great because he was asleep…

8- Plan ahead for transit: we often have to change planes and go through transit. This can be stressful with young kids. Plan ahead and make sure you have plenty of time between two flights if you have to change terminals, do a pee-pee stop or stop to check out the play zone to tire the kids a bit… If your baby likes to be worn, use your baby carrier, it leaves your hands free to hold on to bags. If you have a stroller, have it gate-checked and ask to have it delivered when you are in transit so you can use it to move your kid from one plane to the other.

9- Do not give drugs to your kid! It may seem very tempting but according to my mom (who has extensively travelled across the world with kids and is a medical nurse), cough syrups and other drugs supposed to make your kid drowsy often backfire on you when you’re travelling, turning the calmest kid into a monster. Best to keep them happy and occupied with games and their favorite snacks.

10- Keep your cool. This is the one thing I learned from my travelling family. Chill parents often have chilled kids when travelling. Kids will pick up on your stress and act out because that will raise their own anxiety. Fussing over them will get them over-excited and more prone to acting out. By staying relaxed and acting matter-of-fact about the whole trip, your kid should stay chill. Also, keeping your cool when dealing with unhelpful flight attendants or other obnoxious passengers can get you out of a lot of sticky situations!

The little passenger packing his bag

I think the only hard situation we encountered when travelling is when our kid was sick and his dad had to travel solo with him from Montreal back to Vancouver. Even then, he pulled it off. Remember to keep everyone hydrated!

What were your experiences travelling with kids? I’ve heard horror stories of horrible security checks and crazy toddler melt-downs on planes. Do you often travel with your kids?

Five really bad reasons to breastfeed

Laure — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 21:17:17 +0000

In Canada, there is a lot of pressure for new moms to breastfeed. Makes sense, considering all the benefits of breastfeeding. And that breastfeeding is really well supported with one year of (somewhat) paid maternity leave, and great resources such as MSP covered lactation consultants.

But there is also a crap load of bullshit being told about breastfeeding.

With all the good, valid reasons to breastfeed, I have no idea why people and associations feel the need to invent additional ones. Well, actually I get it… “101 reasons to breastfeed” sounds a lot catchier than “96”, right?

While I absolutely support breastfeeding and would recommend seeing a lactation consultant if you experience difficulty rather than throwing the towel, I just don’t like the perfect image that people try to give to breastfeeding. Maybe it does come naturally to some women. But not to all of them. And that contributes to the mother feeling unreasonably guilty when for some reason she wasn’t able to breastfeed.

Here are just a few examples of shameless lies that you’ll read when you search for the benefits of breastfeeding.

1. Breastfeeding is free

Not true. Maybe it’s less expensive than formula. But not free. Breastfeeding mom = hungry mom. And I mean, severely hungry. The nurse who taught our prenatal classes advised us to budget an additional CAD30 per month to account for the extra groceries. I know, we’re far from the budget needed for formula.

But there’s also a pretty big chance that you’ll have to buy a pump. Please, please, don’t follow the terrible advice to buy a cheap manual pump. Buy a good pump, it will make your life so much easier. You’ll have to count at least CAD200 for a good pump. How many cans of formula can you buy with that money?

Why would you need a pump? Well, to start with, you may experience difficulty breastfeeding at first, and need to express milk and bottle feed your infant in order to give your nipples a chance to heal. I had to do that with Big Kiddo.

And maybe you’re one of those terrible, awful moms (like me) who think that they are entitled to leave their nursling for the occasional girls’ night out. Or to have a root canal.

2. Your breasts always produce the right amount of milk

If you’re lucky. Maybe. I remember a period when Big Kiddo would cry every evening for at least an hour simply because he was hungry and frustrated that I didn’t have enough milk. I also remember waking up in the morning in pain with engorged breasts during that same period. My best friend Google quickly reassured me that I wasn’t the only one in this situation.

3. Breastfeeding means more sleep for mom

You’re kidding me right? Mommy breastfeeds = mommy wakes up round the clock to feed baby. Mommy bottle feeds = DADDY can help from time to time and let mommy sleep.

4. Breastfeeding is convenient

Yes and no.

You have to take the plane with your nursling? Yes, breastfeeding is convenient.

You have to take the plane without your nursling? Not that convenient.

You’re stuck in traffic with baby? Convenient.

Although you love your baby, you’d like to go out for a little more than 2 hours sans kid? Feasible with above-mentioned pump and some preparation. The kid in question has decided that bottles were for sissies and will make dad or the sitter pay for the absence of boobs? Well, not the best if you intended on repeating your escape.

5. Breastfeeding is easier

Yeah. That must be why I ended up at the ER when Big Kiddo was 4 days old because he was spitting up blood. Turns out there was nothing wrong with Big Kiddo. The blood that he was spitting up was my blood. From my devastated nipples. After three months of weekly meetings with my (great) lactation consultant, yes, breastfeeding was easy. But here is what I’ve had to do for the first 6 weeks (after a 2 day break to let my nipples heal):

Start feeding baby with a nipple shield
Put baby on each breast for 5 minutes without nipple shield
Supplement baby with formula at first, and expressed breastmilk if available
Use pump to boost my production and, if lucky, express milk
Wash bottles because I had followed the really bad advice of only buying two bottles (if I had bought more, I could just have tossed them in the dishwasher and waited for it to do the work for me).

So what now?

Yeah, breastfeeding is best. We get it. Articles that go on and on on the benefits of breastfeeding are just getting old. Somehow I doubt that moms who formula feed do so because they think formula is best.

For a change, here is my advice for moms who find it a challenge to get breastfeeding started, based on my experience and shocking things that I’ve heard.

Give breastfeeding a try. It may come easily and naturally to you. If it doesn’t, go see a lactation consultant as early as possible. Don’t wait two weeks because you’ve heard that it was “normal” for breastfeeding to hurt for the first two weeks. While common, it’s not normal and means that something needs to change.
The surgeon who performed your C-section is giving you advice on breastfeeding? Nod politely. Go see a lactation consultant.
A “lactation consultant” advises you to stop breastfeeding for 15 days to give your bleeding nipples a chance to heal? Nod politely. Go see a real lactation consultant.
Your nipples are still cracked after a few days of religiously applying lanolin cream? Ask a prescription for All Purpose Nipple Ointment. Lie, beg, threaten. But get it. As explained in the previous link, “mothers with sore nipples don’t have time to try out different treatments that may or may not work”. And by “a few days”, I mean 3 days. Not two weeks.

Crawlers and critters need some love, too

Laure — Tue, 29 May 2012 17:16:09 +0000

I want to teach my kids to respect every living creature. Don’t you?

In my opinion that includes the smallest creatures. Yes, the ones that are often classified in the “disgusting” section of nature.

I remember, one day, screaming “Nooooo” in anguish when I realized that Big Kiddo had picked up a worm from our yard. A friend of ours came to my rescue “don’t worry, that worm isn’t going to harm your child”. My husband, who knows me well, replied “it’s not for Big Kiddo that Laure is worried, it’s for the worm”.

What sort of lesson are we teaching our kids when we run away in terror at the sight of a spider web? Or when we crush an ant that lost its way and ended up in our house? Probably that nature is scary, dirty or disgusting. And some creatures not worth existing.

Of course some insects have unfortunate irritation-related effects. Or can even cause allergies. It’s understandable that parents get nervous when their kids come a little bit too close to those creatures.

Yet the answer is so simple.

Teach your kids to respectfully observe from a distance. Don’t pick up, or at least not without asking mom first.

That post gave me an idea that I want to try this summer:

Conduct a photo-safari to capture images of insects
Involve Big Kiddo in making some sort of craft with these pictures
Post it!

I’m sure this will be loads of fun.

Anyone game?