INspireME

Your Plans? Yeah Right...

2013-06-27T06:12:00.000-07:00

In the movie Evan Almighty, there is a scene where Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) is talking with God (Morgan Freeman). God told Evan that he will be building an Ark to house the animals from a flood. Evan is less than excited about it. He proceeds to tell God how he is not the man for the job, he has other things to do and how this project does not line up with his schedule. Instantly, God starts laughing. Evan goes on to strongly emphasize; "this is not in my plans!" Upon hearing this, God erupts into even further laughter. Evan just stares at him with a look of "why are you laughing?"

The next words God tells Evan are powerful; "Your plans? Yeah that's a funny one."

People want to believe they are in control of their plans. We feel confident and on purpose when we work that plan and progress on it. But does that really qualify as being in control?

Recently, over lunch, a good friend of mine reminded me of that movie scene and how life is often like that.

Like Evan, I too was given something which was not part of my plans. It came out of left field, no signs, no warnings whatsoever. My friend, mentor, sound board and prayer partner when things got tough, she edited most of my writings for the last two and a half years, had a life altering accident and lost her life. Truly a tragedy. One that her family and I are still working through. Losing Gina prematurely was not in any of our plans and some of us are still speechless.

Rarely, if ever, are there answers to why things like this happen, especially when they seem so devastating. Was it God's plan? Was it just an accident God allowed to happen? One day, maybe we'll know, but for now, in this life, all of us will have to deal with tragedies. Responsibilities and obligations never not stop for the living.

More than likely, our best, well intended plans will have to be altered. That doesn't make them wrong, it means we need to be able to change, with the change that is thrown to us. Each of us set our plans into motion with the most accurate information we have at the time. Then, down the road, with more information the necessary changes can be made, ensuring the desired outcome we want.

Many good, caring, loving people have had things happen to them that they did not deserve or they were not part of their plans. Yet at the end of the day, the best thing we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and allow ourselves to deal and heal. Then, start walking again. It's a process that takes time and we need to be patient with our self. No, it won't be easy, no one ever said it would.

Tragedies are not road blocks, they're detours. I had to remind myself of this a few times over the last several months. We may walk differently after the tragedy and that's OK. The point is to start walking again. Don't let devastation hold you back from doing what you know, needs to be done.

Set backs are 90% internal and 10% external. They are a mental battle. At the end of the day, I am reminded that losing someone you love is merely an indicator that your course has changed. Moving forward is the only option for me and I hope it is for you, as well.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

(In memory of an amazing friend and woman, Gina Barrett. I promise to finish what we started, love and miss you mom)

Attitude

2012-12-07T06:13:00.001-08:00

It’s your attitude that determines your altitude. We’ve all heard that, right? How about: Attitude isn’t the main thing, it’s the only thing?

Being around someone who has a great attitude can be a lot of fun. We feel better about ourselves. We’re energized, inspired, even motivated. It’s as if our self-esteem has been given a boost.

Often times, when an employer has a special task that needs to be completed, they will ask an employee with a can do attitude to do it. That employee may not even know how to perform the task but because of his attitude, he will find a way to do it and will do whatever it takes to complete it.

Attitudes are also an indicator of what we believe. Typically, the person who believes hard work and persistence will yield them their dreams and desires will also have the attitude of, it can happen.

Even the person who makes mistakes (isn’t that all of us) but has an attitude of accepting responsibility, admitting they made the mistake, wants to learn from it, and chooses to move forward, is likely to be favored by his peers.

The reality is we simply won’t see someone with a poor attitude accomplishing great things or encouraging others. Even if you have seen them accomplish something, I’d be willing to bet, they were not very effective.

It’s the master key that can unlock many doors in life. Countless times people who didn’t know how, were hired over the experienced poor attitude applicant, to do a job, because they instilled an attitude of, I can and I will.

Is attitude everything? Does it really make all the difference? Can a positive, can-do attitude even cover a multitude of weaknesses?

Without hesitation, yes! Our attitude really is that important. Each day we bring an attitude to our environment, whether that is our place of employment, school, organization, family or friends. Based on their attitude, people determine if you are someone they want to continue being around.

So the next time you’re in a crowd of people, ask yourself this question: Is my attitude worth catching?

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

To Someone... Your Words Matter

2012-11-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

Allen had lived a great life. He had many achievements and accomplishments over the years. He married his high school sweetheart at age 20 and shortly thereafter, they started a family.

He was involved in his community, church and several non-profit organizations.

Over the next 65 years, Allen served on various boards and became well respected around his town. He started a business, hired employees and grew his business to a point where he could generously give back. Not just with money but his time.

Allen was known for helping others. He was flexible with his employees and their family schedules so they could tend to things that were important to them. He strived to make a difference in people and believed that instilling a positive attitudes, respect and honor into his children, were the best traits he could leave them.

One day, in his late 80’s, Allen died. Upon his ascent into heaven, he saw a large screen that appeared to be playing various movies. As he got closer, he realized they were segments of his life, all playing at the same time, on one screen. Each movie was showing the difference he had made in someone’s life. Right in front of him, he was hearing and seeing story after story how his generosity and willingness to share had made such an impact on so many. He could not help but feel an abundance of love while seeing all of this unfold.

He also noticed on the far side of the screen, there were people whom he knew who were not talking very nice about him. The movies showed these people spreading rumors and talking badly about him behind his back. They made false accusations about him and unfortunately, Allen knew everyone of them. Some were friends, neighbors and even employees whom he had paid salaries and bonuses to for years.

Upon seeing this, Allen was overcome with disbelief. The same people whom he had given his time, energy and finances to were not only disrespectful but were also unthankful. It only took a minute before his heart was heavy and with hurt feelings, his eyes filled with tears. He kept thinking: how could people whom he had done so much for, be so ungrateful.

This story was given to me in a dream and is not far from reality. All of us, at some point, have been ungrateful to those who have given to us. The question is: do we still do it and will we continue to do it?

The next time you start to talk about someone to somebody, stop and ask yourself: would I be saying this if that person was standing beside me? If they were to hear your words, would it build them up or tear them down?

Life really is in the power of the tongue. Each day, we have a choice to be thankful for what we have. Words aren’t just words they are an outward statement of what is taking place on the inside of us.

Don’t allow yourself to think: it doesn’t matter. Unintentional or direct, all of our words matter.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Always Changing

2012-11-09T05:50:00.000-08:00

Friday's Thoughts often talk about change and there’s good reason for it: we live in an ever-changing world.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand this. I thought certain things would always be the same. To some degree, this gave a false sense of security, thinking I would always be ok once I got in my routine. What I have come to find over the years is that nothing could be further from the truth.

Everything around us is evolving and changing, everyday, all the time. Have you heard the term, if you’re not growing you’re going backwards? There is a lot of truth to that. Everything around us is in a slow movement of being more different today than it was yesterday and we need to be aware of this.

Yesterday the stock market was either higher or lower than it is right now. Buildings being built are now closer to being completed. Kids in school are more knowledgeable today than they were yesterday. People, pets, grass and plants have all grown. Essentially, there is nothing that stays exactly the same. Once we realize and accept this, our life can take on deeper clarity.

As a sales person or business owner, we already understand some months will be better than others. Facts are facts. Things change and often there is nothing we can do about it. So what’s the best medicine for an ever-changing world? Be flexible and change with the times.

We live in a different economy than it once was. Our kids are older, our jobs require more from us. Maybe our spouses need more from us today than yesterday. Traffic has increased while prices have gone up. Maybe we put on a few more pounds, our hair line is continuing to recede or it’s turning grey.

If you and I will embrace change, our success can be far greater than we would have ever known. Many years ago, I heard a billionaire speak at a conference and he said, “great success is not near as much challenge, as it is change.”

What can you do different today that will use change to your benefit? Learn to be flexible. Just because you have always done things a certain way does not mean you have keep doing it that way. And remember, just because you think it will never change, doesn’t mean it won't. Even a body in a coffin is… well, you get it.

Have a great changing weekend, be blessed.

Kids, Politics & Beliefs

2012-11-02T06:29:00.002-07:00

Are you involving your kids in your voting? Such a simple question may not come with a simple answer.

Each of us talk and act based on what we believe to be true. Whether it be people, places, religion or even politics, all of us act out our beliefs.

Recently, my eldest daughter brought a few questions that were thought provoking. Her fourth grade class has been discussing the upcoming Presidential election, the candidates and the different parties.

Her questions were sincere, honest and that of an unbiased opinion (which is rare in itself). In the past, we had discussed such things but not at the level she was asking. It was clear that the time had come to start teaching her about politics and Government.

Overall, I am not interested in partisan politics. It is an argument that could go on forever. I’m referring to one’s core beliefs about why they think one candidate is better than the other. How what we believe causes us to make choices accordingly, which helps determine who we will be voting for.

Religion, personal interest and even political affiliation are largely inherited. That is, we follow the footsteps of those who have programmed us. Parents, family or someone who is an authority in our lives.

Parents always want what’s best for their kids. But what determines what is best? Our beliefs determine what is best but that does not mean those beliefs are healthy or favorable. We can only teach our kids what we know and understand. Why does one person believe the Democrats have all the right answers while the guy across the street is convinced the Republicans do? It’s all because of what we believe to be true.

Most of the time, there is nothing wrong with teaching our kids our persuasion. But if we truly want the best for them, shouldn’t we take it deeper? What about teaching them core values? Why not teach them that our Government’s choices have brought the country to the place where it is currently? And, if those results are not favorable, then moving forward, the choices need to be different. You do realize choices always equal an outcome… right?

Seek wisdom when doing this. If we truly want a better tomorrow, we have to start with the healthy programming of our younger generation. That is, it starts with us, right now, today. Not brainwashing, rather healthy beliefs and understanding.

How we interact with our children when it comes to understanding our Government and the democracy we live in, will define the tomorrow we help create. Choose wisely, your choices today are creating your tomorrow.

Have a great weekend, be blessed.

Maturity is a Choice

2012-10-12T06:52:00.001-07:00

Where does maturity come from and how do we get it?

Years ago, I often sought older friends to associate with. Then, I believed they had the experience, wisdom and maturity and I wanted to learn from. What I found was just the opposite.

All of us could agree, you don’t have to look very hard to see immaturity. Not just from kids but from adults of all ages. Just watch how they act when things don’t go the way they think they should. With the Presidential elections ramping up and the online social media outlets like Facebook, immaturity is apparent everywhere.

Every once in awhile I will meet a young person who proves to be very mature. What they say and how they say it, how they carry themselves qualify them as someone who has it together. They prove they are very mature for their age.

Meaningful, intelligent two-way conversations with them can be quite pleasant. They don’t feel the need to prove themselves or act like they have all the answers. You have to admit, there is an attraction to these types.

Dr. Mike Murdock probably said it best, “Grey hair doesn’t make you smart.” How profound! It’s also apparent that age does not make us wise nor does age equal maturity. Our culture and society, however, have tried to make us believe otherwise.

Age does equate to experience but experience alone does not always equal the previous traits mentioned. So what do all of these things have in common? Maturity!

To admit we were wrong takes maturity. To realize we don’t have all the answers and the answers we do have, may not be the right ones, takes maturity. To humble ones self and seek to do better takes maturity. The reality is, maturity could be considered the doorway by which many other personal qualities follow.

Maturity comes from being humble. Therefore, arrogance and maturity can rarely co-exist. Expressing maturity is also showing others you don’t have a need to be right on every subject. It’s allowing someone to be wrong with dignity.

Maturity can also be the opposite of selfishness. We are willing to let others have their way, regardless of the outcome and how it affects us.

Maybe this is why we see so much immaturity everywhere. In large, we have become a society of wanting things our way, when we want it, the way we want it.

The bigger thought is: what are we teaching our children? Are we setting a healthy example of maturity for them? Are we setting them up for a rewarding, peaceful life? What about the way we treat our children? Are we showing maturity when we communicate with them? How about when we discipline?

Gaining this clarity on maturity has made a profound difference in my expectations about the young and old and why they act like they do. It will for you too, once you embrace it.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Our Choices Equal Our Results

2012-10-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

Most of us want different results than we have: more time, more money, weigh less... Sure we want these things but how many of us are willing to make different choices to get them?

Lately, I have been hooked on the TV show Bar Rescue. John Tafer, a veteran in the bar / night club industry, connects with bar owners who are on the edge of closing their doors due to a failing business. Being in the industry for over 25 years, Tafer has seen the common denominators of a failing bar business.

I am not a bar guy. I rarely frequent them. I have never owned one nor do I ever intend to. Personally, I think they are a great place to throw your money away and waste precious time.

But I am intrigued how Tafer imposes on the bar owners and their staff, successful / healthy habits. He is very stern when it comes to addressing the problems and destructive habits that have led to their failing business. He is a no B.S. kind of guy who holds no punches. Holding people accountable and changing their mindset to one of being proactive is the backbone to the whole program.

While I could do without the strong language (most of it is censored out) I have come to like the way accountability and responsibility change the entire nature of each business. In return, rescuing it from failure. In nearly every case, the owner of the failing establishment has come to a place of complacency and ignorance. This is what Taft must change if he is to turn things around.

Just like the show, all of us can reach a place where we too become complacent. In business, our jobs, relationships, even our marriages. Most of us want things to be different, yet very few are willing to do what we must to produce a different outcome. History has proven time and time again, wanting different results is simply not enough.

In the show, Taft tends to put people in very uncomfortable situations, holding them accountable. It is here where people break from their habits and usually agree to change. This sounds a lot like life, doesn't it? Most of us do not change unless we are put into a position where we have to and even then, some still resist. Yet change is the key to living a life full of the things we want.

It's change, not chance that brings us different results. We can be in the right place at the right time and not even know it. Daily habits are formed by choices, choices are formed by beliefs. So chance has nothing to do with any of it.

There is a great parallel between business, relationships, success and failure. The common denominator for all of these, the one thing that makes or breaks how our life turns out and what it boils down to is choice.
Just as our choices can lead to disaster, so can our choices lead us to success. Some choices lead to heartache while other choices lead to love and happiness.

Until we take responsibility for where we are, we will never be able to move to where we want to be. This is one element Taft pushes hard in the show and it's not until the people accept this painful reality can they move forward.

Let go of your blame list! Get past it and accept the facts. You are where you are because of the choices you have made. Once you can accept this, the chains that have bound you will be cut free and your life will explode into change.

I know because I have lived it.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

It's Ok... Dream big - Part 2

2012-09-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Who is the most important person in your life? Who should you put first and be true to above all others?

The answer may surprise you. No, it’s not your spouse, nor is it your parents. It’s not even your kids. It’s you!

You are going to live with you your whole life. The short 80-90 years we are given can be lived with bliss, joy and truth but only if you make you a top priority. I’m not talking about being self absorbed, narcissistic, or selfish. I’m talking about believing in your self.

Do you put your self first when it comes to your dreams and goals? Those ideas you have, the images held in your mind of you accomplishing a dream… if you don’t make them a priority, who else will?

Last week, we covered the issue of being laughed at and others making fun of our dreams. Typically, this causes self doubt. Well-meaning people who sometimes genuinely care, offering their unsolicited thoughts and advice, can affect us the most.

Here’s a reminder all of us need to hear from time to time: Others probably don’t think much of you because they don’t think much about you.

You were born unique. There has never been nor will there ever be another you. Don’t expect your co-workers, neighbors or even family members to understand you because chances are they won’t. On a side note, most don’t even understand themselves. To some degree, the majority of us are trying to determine if we can truly believe in ourselves.

Your dreams, goals and aspirations… they are yours! The only way someone else can take them from you is if you give them up. Why would you want to do that? Even if you don’t have clarity or fully understand why you have a passion for what you do, there is a reason for it.

Often, our dreams are tied to getting something. Maybe you wish to buy a home, take an exotic trip or start a business. Of course there is nothing wrong with getting things, I think all of us need a reason and sometimes material things to keep us pressing on through thick and thin.

The bigger reason for having them is not for the getting, it’s for the becoming. That is, who we become while stretching, working and reaching for the dream is far more important in the long run than actually getting it. The late Jim Rohn said it best: It’s not what you get that makes you valuable; it’s what you become that makes you valuable.

It’s ok… dream big! Go ahead, I dare you. What is inside you that wants to blossom? What have you wanted to pursue but have never taken the first step? What is it that crosses your mind from day to day and leaves you feeling inspired and ready to tackle anything? Chances are this is what you need to go after and move toward. All the while, becoming the type of person needed to achieve the goal.

Let yourself change and let yourself become a little uncomfortable because if it is worth while, chance are, you will have to. Your dream is waiting! Take the action and move toward it.

Don’t let anybody steal your dream. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

It's Ok...Dream Big

2012-09-14T05:42:00.000-07:00

When we were younger, we did it all the time. There was always time for it and when we did, it was almost like we grew wings.

Why, as adults, do we grow away from dreaming? It’s as if it just slips away, month after month, year after year. I’m not talking about dreaming of getting, I’m talking about dreaming of becoming.

A fireman, jet fighter pilot, race car driver, captain of a cruise ship or dancing on Broadway, each of us had a dream that was bigger than who we were. Maybe even so big others laughed at us.

Could it be this is why we gave up on our dreams? To avoid being laughed at, humiliated or even embarrassed? Maybe we started believing others when they said “you could never be that.” “What makes you think you’re good enough?”

Life tends to take on a different meaning when we have a goal or a dream. We have something to work for, something to motivate us, push us and cause us to work hard. But more than just motivation, we need to believe we are worth going after what we want.

Jack Canfield, the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul, says that low self esteem can be traced back to most of the problems our society faces today. How does low self esteem over take us? Usually by accepting what others say to us.

Not intentionally, but we tend to put a lot of weight into others approval or disapproval of ourselves. Doing so, makes us change our actions to please someone else. Meanwhile, putting who we are and what we want to do with our life on the back burner.

Literally, we tell ourselves that what we want is not important. Someone else’s view and opinion is more important than our own. After allowing this a handful of times, we have given away our self esteem little by little until years later, we have no more.

Overall, most people mean well and have good intentions. How they portray it though, is entirely another topic. We can’t always expect someone who we love or look up to guide us in the direction that is best for us. Simply put, people cannot give you what they do not have.

There has always been someone to come along and tell us we weren’t good enough, you’re stupid or even crazy for trying. I know this well as I have had many over the years. A few times, it was the people closest to me.

But once I started accomplishing a few things with my life, it was interesting how those people just seemed to disappear. That unsupportive negativity vanished once I went and accomplished what I set out to do. The same thing will happen for you too once you realize you are worth more and are the single most valuable person in your life.

No really, you are! If you can’t learn to put you first, how can you possibly take care of or truly value anyone else? It starts with you.

Next week, we will get into part 2 of: It’s Ok… Dream Big and why your self esteem matters more than you think.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Finding Fulfillment

2012-08-31T06:23:00.002-07:00

Everybody longs for it, very few know what it means and many look in all the wrong places. This week we are in search of fulfillment.

In my day job, I have been serving seniors for many years. Spending time around them and hearing their stories of war, despair and triumph, have inspired me and on occasion, brought a tear to my eye.

The caregivers who care for these folks are truly unique. The first time I was around them, I didn’t understand why these caregivers did what they did. Caregivers don’t usually make much more than minimum wage and the hours are not always favorable. Not to mention, most of us would not want to perform some of their required tasks.

So why are these folks so happy to do their job? They get little compensation yet go to work with a smile, have a great attitude and do it while looking forward to their next shift. The only reason I can find for this is that they have something very few have. They find fulfillment in what they do.

Most try to find this in money. The more money you make must equate to fulfillment, right? What if we buy more new, shiny stuff or get the latest and greatest in technology? Maybe that will help us find fulfillment. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.

Caregivers have found something very few find. They feel complete and fulfilled by their service and giving to others. Helping those who can no longer fully help themselves, pays them back huge dividends internally.

How many people have bought into the lie that in order to find fulfillment, you have to be wealthy, influential, or be financially successful? I could introduce you to 20 plus people who hold none of these traits yet their lives are content with so little.

When you find what you love to do, you could do it all day long, it gives you energy, despite what it pays, there you will usually find fulfillment. With that, comes peace, meaning and clarity about life.

Fulfillment is found in what we do. What we get is a by-product of what we do. True, some find fulfillment in their accomplishments. Entrepreneurs who build empires are usually well rewarded. For most of them, it is the sense of building something from nothing that brings fulfillment.

What could you do every day, all day if you had to, and at the end of the day feel like you made a difference? Is it to a single person or a group of people?

Look and focus your energy in that direction. There is where fulfillment is waiting to complete your life.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

What you allow Grows

2012-08-24T06:11:00.001-07:00

Ever wake up one day and think to yourself, “How did this happen?” Well, chances are, it didn't just happen. Over time, you allowed it.

As a rule of thumb, those things which we permit in our life, we have also given permission for their increase. That is, if we choose to do nothing about bad behavior, than we should expect it to continue to grow.

Consider the disrespectful teenager. Their actions and words can be hurtful and destructive. As a parent, if you decide to allow this type of behavior then you should also expect it to only get worse.

The tiny weeds in the garden that are no big deal today will become abundant and thick tomorrow if not dealt with. The alcoholic spouse, who is only slightly abusive today, will become more abusive tomorrow.

Recently, I worked in an office where one of the team members was very toxic in attitude, behavior and the way they treated others. I learned this had been going on for several years. The boss was well aware of the actions but refused to deal with the employee in a manner which would detour the behavior. It was no surprise to me when I learned it had become worse over the years. The behavior we allow today will grow tomorrow.

For some personality styles, dealing with confrontation is not easy. Naturally, we want to avoid it, walk away or pretend like it does not affect us. The fact is, dealing with conflict is not a bad thing. Holding people accountable for their actions, words or behavior is very healthy. It also requires work and is often times uncomfortable. Yet, it is necessary to keep the destructive environment from affecting others.

If you have a family member who treats you with disrespect and you have not confronted them about it, understand you have essentially given that person permission to treat you however they wish. Too often, people don't give a second thought to how they are being perceived. They are only interested in telling you what they think.

By standing up for ourselves and refusing to let others mistreat us, we are also automatically increasing our self image. Think about the last time someone talked down to you. How did it make you feel? Now think about the last time you stood up for yourself. Did you demand respect? Did you tell someone you will not accept being talked down to? How did that make you feel? Could you then look in the mirror and be proud of your self?

Years ago, I came to a place where I refused to be talked down to and when I did, it was life-changing. A spouse, coworker, child or even a parent can sometimes lose touch with boundaries and respect for others. Don't let things like this intimidate you. It's not about you it's about them and their own insecurity of who they are.

Take the high road and demand others treat you with kindness, and hold them accountable. Once you do, you will be amazed at how some people leave your life and how others look to you with a whole new level of respect. Not to mention, how you see yourself.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

We don't create who we are, we discover who we are

2012-08-17T06:08:00.001-07:00

People sometimes spend a lifetime looking for what they want to do with their life. Ever been asked: "what do you want to be when you grow up?" This is a valid question. Do you know?

Every day, all around us, we come in contact with people who simply go through the motions of life. They have an average job and an average life. Sadly enough, they never search deep or long enough to discover their purpose or passion.

I hear a lot of people say, "I can’t wait to retire in 3, 4 or 6 years." I am sure it is exciting to think about retirement, however, I would also ask them about their life now and what you were put here to do?

I invested 15 years of searching before I found my passion. It was a process. I didn’t create who I am. God did that. I discovered who I am, that was my job. God is the ultimate creator and he has given us creative abilities. That is, our minds, an imagination the ability to strategically plan out a process. I believe it is our responsibility to apply those things which He gave us.

Self-discovery, for most of us, is not an overnight deal. It’s an ongoing daily, monthly and even yearly deal. That is, year after year we need to continue to invest in it. Persist without ceasing if need be. It has been said that cemeteries are some of the richest places on earth. There, lie the dreams, ideas and plans that were never executed or put into play. Think about this for a moment. If you were to die tonight, what dreams, hopes and ideas would die with you?

Our talents, strengths and abilities, combined with personality style, demeanor and looks, make each of us unique. There is nobody like you. There is something you are to do, overcome and accomplish that no one else could do as well as you.
Whose pain do you feel? Whose tears affect you the most? Whose sorrows weigh on your heart the heaviest? These are all keys to what you are to discover about yourself.

Life is a lot about finding. We find our self, find our way, what we're good at and one day, we all hope to find the perfect spouse. Each time we find, we open a new door that leads us to further discovery which awakens a part of us that previously lay dormant.

Start making small changes in your day to day routine that will help you to discover. Small changes today, tomorrow and next month, are the keys to moving closer to those things you want in life.

Remember that there is no discovery without action. Take action today to insure a better tomorrow.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

This Thing Called Happiness

2012-08-02T22:10:00.001-07:00

To many times I have heard people say, “I will be happy when…” or “He makes me happy…she makes me happy.”

I think most people have a misunderstanding of what happiness and being happy is and where it can be found.

The fact is, happiness “in” something is about impossible to find. It can not be found in a person or going to a place or in some new gadget. Even going on a long awaited vacation never brought true happiness. You may disagree but consider a few things.

If we are going to seek this thing called happiness, we first must know what it is and what it's not. Then, we will know better of what we are looking for and where to find it.

While it is fun and exciting to get new things, make a lot of money, buy toys or go on trips, this is not happiness. If it were, our lives would be spent on a roller coaster of emotions because those things come and go.

When we “get something new” (like a car) yes, we may be happy, but that's not the same as true happiness. Making a lot of money from our job or business makes us happy, but it does not bring us happiness.

Before our kids, my wife and I went to Hawaii twice in two years. That was pretty cool! We were very fortunate. Did it make me us joyful, excited, motivated and energetic? Absolutely! But no where in there was happiness to be found. Why? Because true happiness is found on the inside, not the outside.

There is a younger man from the church I attend. I have spoken with him a handful of times over the last two years. He does not have much in the way of material things. I believe he only works part time, he's not married nor does he have a girlfriend. Yet every time I see him, he is so full of happiness and high on life.

He smiles and hugs people often. At first, even I struggled with his profound positive outlook on life. So one day, being the shy, withdrawn person I am, I walked over to him and asked: “I just have to know, are you ever not happy?” He looked at me a little strangely and without missing a beat he said: “Why would I ever not be?”

Simply put: happiness is a frame of mind. It’s an attitude that we choose to have or to believe in each day. It’s looking at the positive side of things rather than the negative. Yes, the negative things exist and yes crap happens but we can choose to focus on the more positive things instead.

Many things have changed for many people over the last couple of years. A lot of folks have gone through hard times. Yet our own happiness is not and should not be tied to the economy, your checkbook or your job. We get satisfaction, excitement, joy and more options in life from them, not happiness.

Decide to become happy with where you are right now. It doesn’t matter what you do or do not have. Happiness is an inside job.

Take a moment today, go to a private place with a mirror, and tell yourself you are going to be happy.
Not your spouse, your boss or even your kids can make you happy. The only person who can make you happy is looking back at you in that mirror.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Scott Stewart
Author, speaker and inspiring others to live a life with healthy beliefs and attitudes.

Consequences to Your Choices

2012-07-13T05:12:00.000-07:00

As we discussed last week, our life is a direct result of the choices we make as well as the consequences from those choices.

It is true: 85 – 90% of what happens to us each day, we have no control over. This is why life is a lot about attitude. A positive attitude ensures our success in dealing with life’s curve balls.

But what about the other 15 – 20% of life, the part we do have control over?

This part is equally important to the results we obtain. Here is where our choices help or hinder. It’s where we move closer to peace, prosperity and goals, or further away. Here, is where our personal and working relationships increase or decrease, all based on choices.

Every action has a consequence. To not think so, is naïve.

Too often, when making choices, the consequences are overlooked. Classify this as unintended consequences. Local, state and federal government fall into this category. Sadly enough, it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way.

Unfortunately, too often people lack the awareness of how their choices affect themselves and others.

If you show up late for a commitment you’ve made, you are devaluing the other person’s time. If a team depends on you to fulfill duties and be accountable and you don’t, essentially you are disrespecting the entire team and their purpose.

Eating processed foods for breakfast instead of oatmeal has health consequences. Procrastination, lack of planning and being disorganized all hold unfavorable consequences.

Don’t think it doesn’t matter. I assure you it matters, because how you do the little things, is how you do the bigger things. Large or small, all of it counts and creates consequences.

If an employer is paying you to perform a job and you fail to bring them the results they desire, the underlying issue is not in the results, it’s in the actions. Change the actions and you will get different results.

Lastly, if you are to grow in maturity, responsibility and humility, you need to accept that your choices have brought you to the very spot you are right now. Not your spouse, your parents, your income nor your boss. YOU have brought YOU to where you are and are reaping the consequences, good or bad.

Every choice you make is done so of your own free will. You were not forced to get up this morning. No one held a gun to your head and said you will go to work today. You chose to do so. More than likely it was because you did not like the consequences of the other choice. There is nothing wrong with that, just be aware, you still chose.

The next time you make a choice, think about the consequences it will bring and if the outcome will be favorable in order to move you in the direction you want to go in life.

Choose wisely friend.

Have a great weekend, be blessed.

Your Choices...Your Life

2012-07-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

The life you are living right now is the result of the choices you have made up to this point.

Most folks don’t realize that they have choices. Many run on auto-pilot, making each day look a lot more like chance than choice. But just the opposite is true. Everything is a choice!

It wasn’t until I reached my mid 30’s that I truly grabbed hold of this reality. Each day, I could choose what I would do, where I would go, my activities, attitude…all of it. Granted, the majority of those choices were obvious and easy…but I still got to choose.

Each new day brings with it the seed of choice. How you start your day, what you will wear, will you exercise, will you have a good attitude and will you be on time to your first meeting. All of these choices and you haven’t even left your house yet!

Left to chance? I don’t believe there is such a thing. Even if one tries to make a case for this, the fact is, you can still choose to do nothing, and that is a choice.

Look back on your life. How many times have you come to a crossroads where a major choice was before you? How did you handle it? Did you weigh your options, look at all sides and try to make the best choice possible?

In the past, have you made poor choices? If so, what did you learn from them? Sometimes, wrong choices today give us opportunities to excel in the future because learning and choosing differently next time, brings about favor and wisdom.

Once in awhile, the crossroads of life are not always so clear and then the choice we have to make can be a struggle. Yet still, we are forced to make a choice.

Choice is the reason we can create the life we want. It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us.

We also need to keep in mind that for every choice we make, there are or can be lasting consequences. Choosing to forgo exercise every morning and eat a donut may bring short-term satisfaction, but over the long-term, it’s detrimental to your health.

After reading this, you will make a choice to either ignore it, or think about it. Regardless, each day, what we choose affects not only our self but often, those around us as well.

Once we realize and grasp this concept, there can be no more blame game. You can’t play the victim card, nor can you point fingers at others and say it’s their fault for your circumstances.

Will you decide to start choosing wisely? Can you see that your choices equal the person you are today?

Want a different job? Make different choices. Want a better relationship with your spouse? Make better choices. Want to lose some weight and feel attractive again? It’s easier than you think…just make different choices.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

If God is Real...Why Can't I see Him?

2012-06-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

Is the question, does God exist? OR… is my mind open to see it?

Recently, I was sitting at a table with friends and family enjoying a meal when the discussion surfaced…does God exist.

I admit, I thoroughly enjoy this type of topic. By nature, I am a listener. Listening to people talk and use words in a specific manner creates knowledge. You can find the answer to nearly every question by listening, if you get good enough at it.

In this 35 minute discussion, I rarely spoke. There was no reason to. No one at the table was interested in answers. They were far more interested in sharing their thoughts and ideas. While sitting there, I realized something profound!

In this setting, the real rooted question was not about weather God existed or not. The real subject was if he exists, why can't I see Him. The short, black and white answer to this is easier than you might think.The discussion went several different ways with opinions, ideas and thoughts. As I sat there intently listening, one phrase that kept being repeated was “it is hard to believe in God because you can't see Him and I can only believe in what I see.”

What we believe and hold in our mind as truth, determines most every aspect of our life because all of our choices are based around what we believe. If you can’t see God, maybe it’s because your personal belief system is not letting you.

Largely formed from our past, our belief system holds all of the good and the bad experiences. Hurts, pain, pleasures and memories. Books you have read and people you have associated with, parents, successes and tragedies. It's all accounted for and all of it has created you and what you hold as truth.

This means, each of us hold an image of what we think God looks like, where He is and what He does. Some hold the belief that He is like a step father with a zero tolerance for error and punishes swiftly. Others see Him as a gentle, loving, caring, guiding Dad who holds unconditional love for His children. The way you see Him or think of Him is in large, based on your programming. (Experiences)

Those who don't believe, it could be your personal set of beliefs do not line up with what God is suppose to look like. Therefore, He must not exist. After all, what kind of God would allow so much destruction, hate, hunger and evil in the world, right?

If your own belief system does not line up with the image of what God is suppose to look like for you, your belief system will dismiss it as invalid. Therefore, making it only logical to take the stance that God doesn't exist.

I know for a fact that several of my family sitting around the table that night have had miracles in their life. A few, more than once. Yet they still struggle with believing that God exists.

One could ask, where do miracles come from? After all, if we will only do a little searching, we will see that miracles happen all around us, sometimes every day.

Science has gone to great length to prove there is no God. Yet, the search itself has raised more questions than can be answered. Even if they are answerable, it requires faith in the science itself to accept its answers.

Believing in God is more of a faith thing than it is a seeing thing. Yes, many have seen and experienced things that make no sense as to why or how. Personally, I fit into this category. Many have seen miracles happen in their own life and yet still refuse to accept that God had anything to do with it. Even when claiming God is the only half way reasonable answer, they still cannot bring themselves to accept it.

Pride and ego also play a factor. If a person is more interested in being right then seeking the truth, all the proof in the world will not be enough to convince.

I have heard that coincidences are when God chooses to remain anonymous. Personally, I am ok with that. I don't need a mathematical equation to answer every coincidence that happens in my life.

If you do, that’s ok. Just remember, there is no proof the sun will come up tomorrow. We believe it will come up because we have faith. That faith comes from the past, seeing it rise and set many times before. Yes, even faith, is built on what we have and have not seen.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Final Chapter

2012-05-31T21:52:00.001-07:00

Are you ready to put action into finding your calling? This is the final overview in the series - Finding Your Calling.

This may challenge your beliefs but in actuality, finding your calling is not necessarily difficult, however, it will take a lot of persistence and determination. Those two items do take energy and focus and maybe for some, that is hard. But finding your purpose is a journey. It is a process. Not a one or two day event.

In the beginning of this series, I shared with you that it will take searching.  Remember, this is critical. Anytime we want to achieve something, it takes an internal desire. There needs to be a strong desire because that is what will fuel you through the highs and lows.

Keep in mind that not all of us are called to a specific industry, place or business. In recent conversations, a gentleman told me he gets the greatest joy from helping senior citizens and is looking into moving to Arizona to serve them. For him, it did not matter where he was, only that it involves that demographic of people. A long time friend shared that he obtains a lot of satisfaction from working on cars and trucks. New or older, it did not matter.

Ancient scripture tells us there is a time and a place for everything under the sun.  Without even reading any further, this means each of us have and go through seasons. Seasons are determined by our choices. That means as we grow, as we find, and as we search, we make choices based on our thinking, what we believe and where we’re at mentally and emotionally in our life.

Regardless of what season you are going through today, you can still choose to search. Every time we stretch our neck out and look for those things we have no answers to, we grow as a person. We learn more about ourselves. At the same time, we are becoming someone of higher awareness. Becoming is the essence of life. We don't just one day turn into a business man or business woman. We become a businessman or businesswoman.

It took me 15 years to find my purpose. How long will it take you? God only knows. But I can promise you that if you will get serious about searching, you will find. Finding your calling is not a mystery, it is a process, mostly through trial and error. But don't count the errors as negatives; they are part of the price you must pay to find what you are looking for.

A level of peace, satisfaction and clarity awaits you when you do find it. I can only say this because I have lived it. There is tranquility in the finding, especially after paying the price over a lengthy time.

When you find it, you will never have to work another day in your life.  Everything you do is not work, but rather exhilarating. It fuels you, drives you and leaves you with more energy at the end of the day than when you started. Ask any person who has found their purpose and is now living it. They can concur.

What are you going to do to further your search? It's time to step up to the plate and put action into your plan. No one else can or will do it for you. Years from now, you will look back at today and either wished you had...or be glad you did. It's your choice.

Make that call to a coach or someone who can help you. Seek out a mentor, read a book or two, counsel with those who have already found their calling. Take your list (you did make one right?) and keep it in front of you. Read it allowed often. It will be a powerful tool as you search.

By reading this series, you have stepped up to the plate. Are you going to get in the game by swinging at the ball or go back and sit on the bench?

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 5

2012-05-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

A relationship can hold the most value in your search for your calling, but what kind of relationship?

This week is part 5, Finding Your Calling.

Books, meetings, church...even your spouse, are valuable for you to find your calling. But a relationship with the right person, at the right time is invaluable. Ever heard the old phrase, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear?

There is magic to be found in the pursuit of something. That is, genuinely searching for answers produces the magic. The world has a way of holding onto answers until a person is truly ready.

There are people everywhere who want answers. The problem is, they are willing to do little, if anything, to get them. This includes seeking a meaningful relationship with a person who can effectively mentor and coach them. Why on earth would someone invest time and even pay someone whom they have never met or known very well? Because they have invaluable information you do not have and they did not get it by luck or chance, but by pursuit.

The answers to what you are seeking are not mysteries. They do however tend to be clothed in camouflage.  Answers do not appear for everyone. I have read that answers are reserved for those who have to know, not merely want to know.

Coaches and mentors have been a part of my life for many years, even back to a time when I didn't know that's what they were. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a dad or a mom who made a good coach. Other people stepped up to help guide me when I needed it. In my twenties, I realized just how much of an asset they were. John Maxwell says:  “What you learn is important but who you learn it from is even more important.”

The key is to find one who you trust and feel in-sync with. My friend Tammi Brannan created the Instinctive Life several years ago. Her site, http://www.instinctivelife.com/  is dedicated to help people see their natural instinctive abilities, traits, thoughts and likes, then set them on a course in that direction.

Author Lori Chance coaches those who want to write their first book. http://www.authorshipforexperts.com/home/. There can be many landmines and pitfalls in writing your first book and taking on the task alone could prove to be overwhelming. Irregardless, both of these ladies have a tremendous amount of value to offer when it comes to finding some of life’s answers. The insight, wisdom and knowledge of having a coach is a great way to find the answers you are searching for.

I once heard Dr. Mike Murdock share that everything you are wanting is only a relationship away. The right person in the right season of your life can help advance you further than you could ever dream possible. I can say this because I have experienced it.

Next week, we will do an overview on the topic of finding your calling. Until then, write down what actions you are going to take to move forward with finding your calling. We will touch base on those then.

Have a great Memorial Weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 4

2012-05-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

People come in and out of your life for certain reasons. Do you know why?

This week is part 4, Finding Your Calling.

It has been said that coincidences are when God wants to remain anonymous. In my own life, many people have come and gone over the years. At the time it was a mystery as to why this would happen. Looking back it is pretty clear.

Each person who came into my life brought with them (besides their kindness, love and friendship) a uniqueness and qualities I needed. Your life is the same way. If you’re open to see it, you will. If you can't, it could mean you've never looked at it that way.

When people come into your life, they bring with them answers. Those answers are found through the relationship you have with them. Looking even deeper, all that you seek can be found through relationships with the right people. Answers are not found in things, they are found in people.

Yes, you can learn a lot through books, on line courses and audio / video tutorials, I sure did. But relationships were at the core of every corner turned and ah ha moment I ever had.

Who is in your life today that could have answers to what you’re looking for? Maybe it is a co-worker, a boss, a new friend whom you met recently. Wealth, health, influence, mentors and knowledge are not far away, they are more then likely a relationship away.

Like attracts like. That's the way our world works. Those who like to go fishing, hang out with other fisherman. Those who like to give back, invest time with others who also give. When we go into search mode, we also tend to attract others who are searching.

This means we can learn from those relationships. Both can bring value to the other. Even if it is learning what we don’t want in a relationship, there is value in that.

Right now, there is someone or maybe even a few someone's who can help you find the answers to what you are seeking. You don't necessarily need to go looking. Chances are, they are in or around your life right now, you just don't know it.

Today, observe who is in your life that you may be able to sit with and question. Our society is filled with people who don't care to listen, but only want to talk. Imagine what clues you could hear if you focused on listening more and talking less. What keys might your friends tell you that previously, you had not known?

Lastly, start asking questions. Then listen with expectation. Not for what you want to hear, but what is really being said. There are clues all around you to what you’re passionate about. Ask first, listen second.

Next week, we will take a deeper look into resources you may not be aware of that can help you find your calling.

Have a great weekend everybody, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 3

2012-05-10T22:30:00.002-07:00

What is it that makes you become angry or keeps you awake at night? Maybe this is what you were meant to fix or cure.

This is week three: Finding Your Calling.

Oftentimes, the reason we can't seem to find our purpose or passion is because we are not at a high enough level of awareness. That is, do you pay attention to what you think about when your mind drifts, do you notice how certain things make you feel?

Increasing your awareness is as easy as recognizing how you feel after eating or drinking. Paying attention to you as opposed to just going through life is awareness and it is a great tool in helping you realize what your calling is.

Chances are, at sometime during your life, you have been through a life-changing event. It may have been substantial or it may have been only minor. But looking back, it weighs on your heart.

It made you feel a certain way which you have never been able to explain. You just knew that you knew. It triggered something inside that you've never forgotten. This is likely a clue to your calling.

What have you seen happen that got under your skin and you couldn’t stop thinking about it? Is there a person associated with this? Anytime you are called to something, for a purpose, there will be some sort of adversary you must face.

Doctor’s battle sickness, mechanics fix broken cars, attorneys fight for their clients legally. Even Superman had enemies. Without rivalries, there would be no need for someone to step up to the plate. This has been happening before man even came on the scene!

But not everyone is called to a life of facing their adversaries. Does that mean their life is any less important? Absolutely not. In our society, we need technicians, craftsman, laborers and those with outstanding people skills. Without them, our cities, malls and roads would be nothing. Can you imagine what our infrastructure would look like without these skilled folks? They are critical to our society!

What I have found, is that people go on a search for something greater because they are neither satisfied nor fulfilled where they're at. Some currently love what they do. It does not matter what it is, it only matters that it is. God has given you strengths, abilities and gifts which He has not bestowed on others. They are meant for you to use. Not using them is to waste what you have been given.

I want you to make a list. On the left side of your paper, list your strengths. On the right side, list those activities you enjoy. At the bottom of the page, list the things that are difficult for you to tolerate. Things that get under your skin, maybe even make you mad!

If you find it difficult to make out this list, take some extra time and put some thought into it. These three columns hold within them valuable keys to helping you find you’re calling. Like any list, being written holds power in it. Do not think a mental list is good enough, it's not!

Next week, we will look into the who it is that can help you find your calling.

Have a great week everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 2

2012-05-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

If you search, you will find. This is what ancient scriptures tell us. If you want to find your purpose in life, it will take commitment and persistence. Are you willing to do what it takes? This week is part 2 Finding Your Calling.

There are many keys which can help guide us in looking for our purpose. They are not often mentioned, many don't even realize there are hidden keys all around us. More important is the mindset you hold when understanding these keys.

Your mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is open. Is yours open? I can give you clues to assist you in finding what you want to do with your life but unless you’re open to examining yourself and getting out of your comfort zone, what is shared with you will fall on deaf ears. So for a moment, set aside your preconceived notions, and take in the following ideas:

Ask these questions: What do you spend a lot of your free time thinking about? Is it a person, a place, is it an idea? When this comes to mind, how does it make you feel? Do you feel happy, excited, sad or does it promote fear within you? Most people are not aware of what they randomly think about. If this is you, pay attention to your thoughts and where they go.

As a general rule, the very thing you were created for is also something that ignites a fire inside you. That fire could be anger, happiness or even compassion. Chances are, you will feel passionate about it on several different levels. As an example, when I hear about a dysfunctional family where there is verbally / emotional abuse or neglect, a fire stirs up inside me. This is because my calling is to help people live with healthy attitudes, thoughts and beliefs. I know from experience dysfunctional families do not hold the same traits that I value.

Whose tears affect you the most? When you see someone in pain, or someone mourning, does grief stir you? Many times I have heard that people often start a business or offer a service simply because they had a bad experience in that particular area. Use your past experiences, both good and bad, to help guide you in what you are passionate about.

Lastly: Chances are, your calling will include a person or a group of people. Your service and passion is needed to some, yet not everyone. Even Microsoft does not have a PC in every home. You cannot be all things to all people, nor should you try. But to some, you will mean a great deal. Who are those folks for whom you have a great deal of compassion?

As you answer these questions, I encourage you to write them down. Then study them. Invest time thinking about your answers. Next week we will cover several more hidden keys to help you find your purpose.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling

2012-04-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

What do you want to be when you grow up? Most all of us have asked this, at least a few times. But have you answered it?

Why are you here and what is your purpose? These questions demand an answer! We are going to take the next several weeks and cover this subject. My aim is to help you uncover some hidden keys that will lead you to answering those questions. First off, here are a few things you need to understand:

The Bible says if you search, you will find. It does not say if you think about it and it does not say to toy with it. It says to search, and searching takes dedication, determination and focus. So, ask yourself; are you willing to search?

My search began in my twenties. I tried many things, all to find what I didn’t want, long before I found what I did want. Although this can take time and energy, it is also a great way to learn about yourself. Look at it as an investment and not an expense.

It took 15 years of searching before I finally found my purpose. Some may think this is a long time. I don’t see it that way. Living your whole life and never finding your purpose, like so many people do, is very sad. Although it took years, I believe I found mine at just the right time.

A few find their passion quickly. Their time investment is short and they are very fortunate. However, these people can also miss some of the trials and errors and the personal development they gain along the way. It’s a trade off.

If you want to find your purpose bad enough, you will do what it takes. If you don’t, you won’t. Proof is all around us. Many people have put finding their passion on the back burner. The reasons for doing so are countless. But the reasons are not nearly as important as the consequences.

Living an entire life and never finding what you’re passionate about or what you’re called to do is a steep sacrifice. In a sense, one trades his or her whole life for a less-than-best life from what they could have had. Pretty harsh trade off, don’t you think?

I say that because I know first-hand how my energy level, inner fulfillment and dreams have grown since answering the million dollar question regarding my own purpose. It truly has given me a different outlook in a multitude of ways, as well as shown me why I am passionate regarding certain things.

There are keys about yourself (that you may not even be aware of) which will assist your search in the right direction. They will even enlighten you along the way.

You also need to understand that finding your purpose will change things. The way you look at your life and what you value is likely to change. You will look and feel differently about yourself. You will know that you know and it will be very difficult to explain to anyone else at the level you understand it. Clarity on many things you have previously questioned will abound.

You will also likely realize that certain tasks and duties you currently do are likely to be less important. This can be both good and bad. The realization of your purpose, though, is not free. Like anything in this world, there is a price to pay for things of great value.

So, are you still ready to go on this search which will change your life?

Next week, we will look at what some of those keys are.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 11 (Final)

2012-04-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

Attracting healthy love is something we do because of the person we become. This is the final segment of this series.

The Attracting Healthy Love series has been filled with healthy, positive and thought provoking ideas. I wish I could tell you all of it is my own insight but that would be far from true. The ideas shared are a collection of common denominators, some from experts who have been studying relationships before I was even a twinkle in my parent’s eyes.

I encourage you to review these from time to time. Although there are literally dozens of different subjects we could have gone into in-depth, the ones we have touched base on are a great platform from which to build on. And, like anything we build, a healthy foundation is the basis that keeps all of it from falling apart.

You have your list. Update it as needed. This is your centerpiece for attracting the right kind of person to you. Remember what I said, there is magic in reading it out loud. Take this seriously. Make your written list part of your life, just as you do your personal hygiene.

Remember you cannot attract someone to you that you are not willing to first become. In your mind, if you can picture a beautiful, gentle, thoughtful person you want as a partner, you first have to become that person.

For some, attracting and finding Mr. or Ms. Right will be difficult. For others, this concept is somewhat familiar. It depends on where you come from and what your past has been. Regardless of where you are, there is a learning curve. Allow yourself grace to work through this.

Whether or not you can believe, you are worth so much more than you realize. Too often we devalue our self-worth because of fear, the fear of not finding the right person. The result is we settle for less than the best.

Remember, as a rule, no one will ever value or love you any more than you value or love yourself. If you want someone to think the world of you, you need to think the world of yourself. I am not talking about narcissism. I am talking about loving yourself and knowing how valuable you are as a person.

If you don’t love yourself first, how can you possibly love someone else? Love runs on a two way street, not one way. As unfortunate as it is, many people go through life with a low self-esteem. Look at how many people look down when they are walking. It’s sad.

Lastly, if you’re willing to adopt new healthy habits, you will substantially increase your chances of attracting healthy love into your life. More times than not, it is the little things repeated daily which make all the difference, not the less frequent bigger things.

Attracting healthy love will take practice. There will be trial and error, so expect it. It’s changing how you think, what you believe to be true, and accepting that we may not have all the answers. Taking these ideas and implementing them into your life is easy to talk about, harder to do, and it won’t work every time. But what it is guaranteed to do is change who you are becoming. And that is the key to attracting who you want into your life.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed!

Expectations & Communication ~ Part 10

2012-03-30T05:44:00.000-07:00

What are your expectations regarding Mr. or Ms. Right?

This is part 10 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

It has been said that some of the most brilliant ideas are also some of the most obvious. I would say that communicating your expectations falls right in line with this.

Although communicating your expectations will probably not be something you do right off the bat when dating, but it will be vital if you can see yourself long-term with this person. Because of this, sharing your beliefs and coming to a mutual understanding on certain topics is essential.

I have heard stories about couples who got married and failed to discuss financial matters, having or raising children, beliefs in God, family values and individual goals beforehand. I can’t understand how things of such importance were overlooked, but they were. Don’t let this be you.

Here are several things to consider: how does each of you view money? Do you save or spend? Do both of you like / want kids? If so, how many? What are your individual parenting styles? Will God be a part of your marriage? Where will you attend church? Have you clearly shared your dreams, goals and aspirations with each other? Will you live where you currently are or is re locating an option for the future?

Another area which is often not communicated is sexual expectations. Although this can be a difficult area of discussion, it is important. Past partners (if any) can sometimes set standards that may or may not be realistic for Mr. or Ms. Right.

Society, certain magazines, pornography and Hollywood-like influences can also create unrealistic expectations. Be aware of this. The pressure to be a sexual superstar runs high in our culture. Communicate your feelings and thoughts from the beginning. Then there is never a void between the two of you. If you can talk openly about sex, chances are you can talk about everything else that is important.

Your best policy is to keep the line of communication open right from the beginning with regard to what you hold sacred, what you value and what your non-negotiables are.

Make sure you are able to share your frustrations and concerns. The art of genuinely listening is rare and should be held in high regard. Most times people don’t want an answer, they want to be heard and understood. Make sure your special someone is a listener. The last thing anyone wants is to be fixed after going through a tough day at work.

Of the marriages that fail, a lack of communication is generally at the heart of the problem. If you can master heartfelt communication early on, you will substantially increase your odds of attracting and keeping healthy love.

Next week is part 11, the final chapter in this series of Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 9

2012-03-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

We all have a love style. Do you know yours?

This is part nine in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

The way in which you feel loved is a critical piece to making a healthy relationship last long-term. Each one of us has a primary love style (love language) that makes us feel loved.

For example, some people feel loved by receiving gifts. Others feel loved by simply being touched. Sharing positive encouraging words, doing acts of service for that special person or sharing quality time, are all different styles in which we feel loved.

Each one of us has a primary and a secondary love style. Knowing what makes us feel loved is an important piece of the puzzle when attracting healthy love into our lives.

Just like the different personality styles, there is no right or wrong. Your love style is the style you were born with as a child. You felt loved then the same way you do today, only in a more intimate, mature way.

Many times, in the past when I have coached people about obtaining healthy relationships in their lives, I am reminded that many people are simply not aware they even have a love style. To this I say: if you don’t know what actions make you feel loved, how will you be aware of what actions are necessary for your spouse to feel loved?

Love is a verb. It is more than just saying I love you. We show our love in our daily actions. The majority of time, by nature, we tend to show love to our special someone the same way we like to receive love. Although this is not necessarily bad, it is not always correct.

Our spouse needs to be loved according to their style, not just how we think they should feel love. The person who is fueled by being touched, is not going to feel love the same way by being told positive, affirming compliments. Both are important but in this example, physical touch will flood their heart with love far better than anything else.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of: The five Love Languages is an expert in this area. If you are serious about attracting healthy love, I recommend reading his book and studying the styles. You need to know and understand your style. Then you will begin to understand how Mr. or Ms. Right will need to feel loved when they come into your life.

Next week we will go into part 10 in Attracting Healthy Love, Expectations.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.