Once you remove the rough edges from an ape, you can send him off to business school! 

The more knowledgeable among you will note that what I’ve drawn here is more of an ape angle grinder, but I think you get the idea. It’s a tool for removing the rough edges from those damn dirty apes.

 Candy snipers will probably see a lot of action in the coming War on ObesityTM. 

Sometimes you need to be able to take out some candy from a safe distance. That’s what being a candy sniper is all about.

Fact you may not know: The U.S. military developed sugar-piercing rounds in the late sixties, but they were banned by the Geneva convention shortly thereafter.

 Who needs an orange marker? NOT ME. 

I have finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of drawing an anthropomorphic vegetable crapping itself. My life’s work complete, I can now die. I’m not planning on dying, I’m just letting you all know that I can.

If I do die, though, this is going to be the worst oddly prophetic blog post ever.

 This alt text cannot be shown because it was divided by zero. 

I knew I should have sprung for the 128K whiteboard. Oh well! At least I have a copy of the program on cassette tape.

 Hey look! The caption is trichromatic! w00t! 

Because when you’re sane…you play a lot of Scrabble? Oh, I don’t know. I debated just putting the white board up blank, suggesting that there is no such thing as a “sane clown”, much less several of them that could form a group such as a posse. That seemed lazy, though. So I drew this.

As an aside, I think this comic may have yielded the best set of contextual ads that I have ever seen.

 In the end, Rachael Ray falls into a giant pit of something called 'Turkey Wiggle'. 

It’s a game where you have to defeat seven mini-celebrity chefs to save Gwyneth Paltrow from Rachael Ray.

 I had to use this stuff after that time I tried to make takoyaki in the toaster oven. It wasn't pretty. 

For really stubborn octopuses, I recommend using the self-clean cycle on your oven. Gets them off every time.

What’s that? I should have said “octopi”? Actually, that’s a hypercorrection, and you don’t look any smarter for using it. And by correcting you for using a hypercorrection, I have just performed an inverted hypercorrection, which makes me look like a god damned genius. So thanks for that.

 Today's comic sponsored by Tony's Discount Lemur Husbandry. Print it out and bring it in for a 20% discount on your next purchase! 

This is without question the saddest thing I have ever drawn. I am sorry I ruined your day.

 The meat pictured here is a somewhat poor impression of Roy Lichtenstein's Meat. No, the PAINTING, you sick bastard. 

Stranger sporting events have occurred. I mean, they have to fill all that airtime on ESPN 2 with something.

 He saw a lot of action back in 'Nom. 

His mission is to seek out and nom delicious noms.