Friends From HellFriends From Hell -

Whose Fault?

Aidan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 11:45:00 +0000

Friend: I told you to meet me here by 5pm. What’s your excuse?

Me: I’m really sorry, the train was delayed due to a technical fault. It was broadcast on the news and I’m only 3 minutes late.

Friend: You better pray they run that story tomorrow, if not I am going to break your teeth.

Blow Job Friend

Aidan — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 05:29:47 +0000

I have a male friend who slept over at my place for the night. In the middle of the night, I was woken up by something.I realized he was giving me a blow job.

Me: Hey man, what the hell are you doing! Get out of my room NOW!

Friend: Oh ok, give me a min, I will get out once I’ve finished.

My Mum

Aidan — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:05:32 +0000

I told my best friend that recently my mom had been sick.

Me: Oh man, my mom was diagnosed with a tumor on her left breast.

Friend: Really? Why didn’t I feel anything last week?

Anonymous

Aidan — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:57:30 +0000

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

Dumb or Intelligent?

Aidan — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 11:00:20 +0000

Friend: Why are you so quiet lately?

Me: Do you think the things I say are usually dumb?

Friend: Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

Stupid?

Aidan — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:23:20 +0000

Me: (Sobbing) I’m so stupid to let this happened to me.

Friend: You know what girl, calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Outrun!

Aidan — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 05:59:51 +0000

My friend and I were walking through the woods when we thought we heard something. We turned around and saw a big brown bear coming towards us. Both of us started to run when my friend stopped to change into sports shoes.   

Me: Are you crazy! You don’t have time to change shoes. You can’t outrun that bear!

Friend: I know I can’t outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you!

Know Your Best Friends

Aidan — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:00:42 +0000

Me: How do you know who your best friends are?

Friend: Best friends in life are those who stand behind you during your bad times.

Me: I agree with that. When you are down, they encourage you. It’s hard to find them.

Friend: No, it’s easy to know who your best friends are, just look at your wedding photo album.

Well Behaved Son

Aidan — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 15:00:04 +0000

Friend: My son is very well behaved.

Me: Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years?

Friend: Yes, but he got out after 3 years for good behavior in prison.

Small World

Aidan — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:00:50 +0000

I’m playing golf with my best friend and the women in front of us are really taking their time and are slowing our game up.

  Me: I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.

  I start walking, but about halfway there, I turned around. When I get back, my friend asks me what happened.  

Me: One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don’t you go talk to them?

  So my friend starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around. When he gets back, I asked him.

Me: Now what happened?

  Friend: Small world.