FRINGE DWELLERS OF OUR WORLD

what happens in ellijah?

2011-02-26T01:58:00.000-08:00

Title: what happens in ellijah?
Category: Movies » Batman Begins/Dark Knight
Author: amy conner
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Published: 02-03-11, Updated: 02-03-11
Chapters: 1, Words: 856

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

What happened in ellijah?

Bruce wasn't sure what it was about him that always drove him over the edge. He couldn't pin point. But something about the doctor that always split him into two, like he wasn't already. The batman part in him loathed the man. He was a criminal, a guiltless psychopath and an incurable narcissist. There wasn't any excuse for what he did to the city, to the narrows and to his patients. He broke every law of ethics possible in the world, including the Hippocratic Oath. His crimes were unpardonable.

But with Bruce Wayne it was different. He didn't have to be incorruptible. He didn't have to the conscience keeper of the city.

Perhaps it was other way around. Bruce Wayne was the "scarecrow self" of batman. He was indeed the bolder self of the vigilante. That's why he could feel things he couldn't possible feel as batman. He understood the darker greyer side of human nature which the batman never could. He could actually empathize with them.

The batman always saw the world in plain black and white. There were the victims and then there were the criminals.

There was nothing in between. There was no back story, no empathy. Batman was in fact the impartial judge of moral values.

Bruce had none. He could do things, even public others would have qualms about. He had the scope of having an ID completely different from his bother conscious and subconscious mind. And he had no qualms about feeding his ID.

One of the things that differentiated him from the batman was how he felt about Jonathan crane. The batman hated him. The very sight of him, his smug expression and his "know it all" persona coupled with the fact he was a raving sociopath to begin with always pissed him off.

But Bruce understood where he was coming from. He got why and how he became the man he was now. When he remembered his own childhood and his memories of his loving parents he could see what Jonathan had missed and had gone through. And strangely enough he also understood his urge to kill. Didn't he, Bruce want to kill Joe chill some time ago?

He could see that plainly. He could see it written all over the good doctor's persona.

There wasn't any self preservation there.

There wasn't anything hidden. He knew he was self destructive. How could anyone have missed that?

The batman looked at the man sitting beside him in his car. He had been staring at him for a long time. He could almost feel the tension building in the air. Blue eyes of the crazed maniac had never left him.

As much as he tried to remain in his batman persona somehow the doctor always managed to bring out his "Bruce Wayne "self out. It didn't make him happy in the least. When he put that suit on, he always discarded his Bruce Wayne façade at home. But this man always managed to bring that one out.

Suddenly Bruce remembered the jab Jackson had made earlier on that the batman was probably gay. The batman wasn't. But Bruce couldn't deny the fact that Jonathan's incredibly superior mind always held an attraction for him. He was always fascinated by the man's intelligence. And besides he wasn't bad to look at.

Trying to unnerve me Bruce thought bitterly.

" what are you staring at ?" he growled

" I was wondering" came the crisp reply.

"keep wondering, stop staring at me….its creepy"

"I creep you out batman?"

"You creep everyone out crane"

"hahah"

Bruce looked away.

" why didn't you run crane? Why didn't you fight?" he asked him after a long phase of silence.

"we don't fight the batman…we need him dont we? Scarecrow spoke up suddenly.

"for what?"

"you know batman…. We don't have to spell it out for you…and we suspect you feel the same way"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"If we need you to feed our addiction to fear batman" he paused " you need us to feed your alter ego"

"I don't understand"

"Oh don't insult my intelligence" the doctor spoke " I have seen how you look at me… its not very difficult to decipher…perhaps you should try to do that a bit more… makes you human "

"Shut up crane you are crazy"

"So I am. But my diagnosis wasn't wrong"

"I am not attracted to you"

"Perhaps not sexually "he grinned "but I somehow ignite your mind …. Your sapiosexuality … and perhaps the persona…lying underneath the Kevlar"

Bruce didn't say anything for a long time, then said 'I would still take you to back to arkham you know"

"And I will eventually break out. Scarecrow will. Then we will once again seek you out "

Ps this is a sequel to the story "the mirror has two sides..". It happens right after batman apprehends Jonathan and attempts to bring him back to arkham.

my last testimonial

2011-01-21T23:58:00.000-08:00

Its 6 o clock in the evening and sun has just set. Its the longest day of the year. I looked out of the window and found myself gaping at the crimson sky above. How riduculously serene she looked in her red attire. We associate freedom with the sky. And I can see why. She was athena in her full glory , a goddess bound in her own beauty and serenity.

A closer look , and I found them flying home . Birds coming home flapping their tired wings to cuddle up in their nests , happily content. It almost made me smile.

Somewhere I heard a clock chiming. My heart skipped a beat. It will be dark soon. The day will be over.

I looked across the room. My table was in a sorry state. It looked more messed up then ever. It seemed everything I owned was spilled out there. It was over burdened with something it wasn't prepared for.

I took my pen , fondled with it for a while thinking.

What was going through my head ? What emotion was tearing me apart if any ?

I doodled for a while. Then wrote a few words . I don't know if it made sense. It had to make sense ! To anyone who cared to read it later.

Did I miss something ? Was I suppose to write something more ?

We have this habit of caring about people's opinions. I never did get why.

So what should be in my last testimonial ?

In a convicted murderer's last confession before they pulled the plug on his life ? Literally ?

I know one thing. I am not scared. Death was an eventuality. So I am at peace now finally .

For those crimes I committed lives that I took I have no regret! No guilt ! Would I repeat them in my next life ? No .

But I will die peacefully knowing noone present at the execution ever will !

the color of love

2011-01-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

“It’s the darkest night of the month, probably coldest too. The blinding emptiness engulfed the backstreets, which was as barren save for a lone figure stumbling along the grayish boulevard.

The fog closed in on her as she walked along, wrapping her thin hands around herself. It would have been a poetic sight if it weren’t so pathetic. In the midst of nowhere, her dark silhouette looked as breakable as the hands that kind of reassured her.”

How did that sound? If I were a poet or a writer of some repute, the readers probably would have called the description lyrical.

But see I am not a poet. I am not an author. I am not even a college student writing a piece for my creative writing class. I am annyla and am a hooker. I was out on the street on the coldest day of the month to find a “client” so that I could feed my aching belly. Annyla isn’t my real name. but its always sounds better than a simple sally or amy doesn’t it?

See the paradox? It doesn’t seem all interesting now does it?

I was stumbling along the pavements, like a marauder tying to lure in a prey.

But we both know it’s always the other way round, am always pretending.

But I was nervous. I was all but shaking. It could be the chills have finally gotten into my bones. But I think that’s not really it.

These streets were dangerous. There are too many clients always around. They are always up for grabs for people like us.

The night is something we always craved.

But I have never seen the night so abandoned. It seems so devoid of color. Even in its blackness it held an enigma.

Today it seemed so pointless.

I was nervous because I knew I might not find a soul tonight. It was unlikely anymore would be stupid enough to roam the streets at this hour.

I would probably die of hypothermia. But death didn’t scare me. It never did.

But something in me told me that I was about to be a part of something I would regret or cherish, depending on the point of view. The air was all but fey.

What could possibly happen to a cheap hooker like me you would ask? What was it I was expecting? A bowl of hot soup would be sufficient at this point.

But I knew that isn’t the only thing.

I took a right turn. The lights seemed to be out. It’s the darkness that gave me strength you know. But somehow today I craved for light.

There was nowhere in sight. I felt my stomach aching. I hadn’t eaten in 3 days.

I probably would have gone one without food for a few more days but I think I had to get out today. Something was going to happen.

I wrapped my arms around myself again.

My age old coat wasn’t warm enough.

And besides who would want to be with me if I looked like some old hag?

I wondered how I would looked on the inside. Would like look something alike this old worn out coat?

I had been used more than this coat.

Did I look this gray and frayed as well?

I was musing to myself, lost in my own thoughts when I found myself bumping into something.

Someone would be a better word.

A man barely visible in light, he was so lean. But his eyes glowed in the darkness.

I wasn’t qualified enough to say for sure whether it was the fluorescents in his eyes or my own active imagination. I saw him scowl at me, obviously irritated at being interrupted, for he was indeed in the middle of something or else he wouldn’t be here wondering about this late.

Then his expression changed to bewilderment. He had noticed my attire.

Then it reverted back to a bored nonchalance.

I had to take my chances. He didn’t look like a John.

“Need a date tonight?”

He looked at me in a confused manner. So I repeated my quarry. The crise on his forehead deepened as he tried to decipher what I was saying.

He gave up. Slowly he put his hands to his ears, indicating something.

Deaf!

Then he put a finger on my mouth.

I repeated the same thing.

He read the lips this time. His face flushed up instantly. He remained quiet for a while, and then nodded a reluctant yes.

I took his arms, glad I had something warm to hold on to.

It felt nice. Walking down the streets with this strange man it felt weird , in a most bizarre way. My heart was beating too fast for my own good. And I knew it wasn’t a good sign. It should be beating slowly from the want of nourishment.

But an odd sense of contentment was engulfing me without my consent. We stopped as we had reached our destination. I could see a small house looking disapprovingly at us. He took my hands as he opened the door and lead us into his apartment.

I couldn’t see anything. It was frighteningly dark.

He slowly turned me towards him, started with kisses along my neckline, his hands caressing my soul.

The time seemed to stand still as he devoured every bit of me, moaning silently. Small things flashed before me Memories that were all but forgotten. The face of the guy from high school I had a crush on The one who took my virginity and more.

The soft caresses and the promises of the a future together.

A life long gone.

As we made our way to the bed With his hands stripping me from the reverie I longed to regain a part of myself that I had lost a lifetime ago.

I counted the moments with him. I counted the times his hands touched the spot which craved for more. I counted the times when I had the chance to be someone else but lost due to god knows what.

His touch made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I never had been spooned like a lover just I was being spooned right now.

What was it they said about love?

Was it something only the elite craved? And was wrong for us?

He stopped when he could take no more and looked at me once. Then he did what we were here for. The wad of money was more than what I needed to keep me alive for a few days. I took them, shoved them in my breasts and walked out.

What was it that they said about the color love?

I looked at the darkness and the night closed in , and mused it was probably BLACK.

the world is an oyster

2011-01-07T01:42:00.000-08:00

Dreams come n go as they please

In their wake wreck all the realities

We wonder what’s true n what’s not

Can’t decide what’s near n what’s far off

Chase the things that may not be there at all

Question the world which quietly envelops us

Dreams split just the way we sometimes do too

We sometimes wake up in cold sweat, feeling blue

What’s happens when we realize it’s not been a dream at all?

A nightmare of fears is tearing up us all?

We can’t get out we can’t wake up it’s so real

What happens when we know it’s not true at all?

Darkness is eating us time and again

We scream and cry, trying to hold on to it in our bed.

We need the fear, the evil inside to keep us going

The world out there may be an oyster; it’s our very own nightmare

red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

2010-12-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

Title: red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder
Category: Movies » Red Eye
Author: amy conner
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Suspense/Romance
Published: 12-15-10, Updated: 12-19-10
Chapters: 28, Words: 12,126

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Rated M

The reminiscence: part 1

I knew it from the day I shot him that he would be back. He would find me. He would hunt me down. Even if I hid at some obscure land on the other side of this world, I knew he would find a way to me. I knew it when I shot him right below the centre of his heart, knowing it wouldn't kill him.

I wasn't a trained sniper. But I had a clear shot. I was standing merely 5 feet away from him. The bullet would have pierced through his heart. And the game would have been over. What stopped me? I guess I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing those icy blues again. I wanted to see the horror in his eyes again and again every time we met. I had a glimpse of that when I stabbed him with that pen. Hahahahhaha: P

That felt nice. It was as if I was his equal. It was a stupid thing to do, probably even stupider to gloat about. But even you get a slight upper hand over a psychotic assassin you do feel nice.

Or maybe it was just me. I don't know.

But I do know I didn't wish him to die that day. I had prayed to the almighty for his survival when the ambulance and the paramedics were pulling him away. Our eyes had just met. He looked demented. His eyes full of silent loathing. He was in intense pain but I knew he was making a promise to himself. He would return to finish the job. He was too much of a professional.

And I was waiting for him. Ever since the police informed me he had disappeared from the hospital.

I of course moved. I am not that stupid. I had to make his job a little bit more difficult if not impossible.

What better way to blend in with the crowd than the big apple?

New York suited me fine.

It's a big city full of busy streets and shallow individuality. It wasn't difficult to lay low for a while. Maybe Lisa can take a break. And let Regina take over. Oh ya that's my name now. But the question is what's his?

Jackson rippner where are you?

Ps I am also writing an inception fanfic so please bear with me. It will take some time to finish. Reviews are most appreciated.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Reminiscence: part 2

It's frustrating at times I admit. It's very difficult to look for one single woman in every one of the 50 states in the country. And it's stupid and time consuming, Expensive and unproductive to say the least. But its not always about the money is it? There are things more important than mere missions and jobs. It's so ironic actually. It feels like yesterday when I gave her that long speech on female driven emotional dilemma and the male driven fact based logic. What I am doing right now isn't logical at all. Not a sane person would diagnose this as a logical endeavor.

But then did I really say I was very stable?

It didn't take me much to walk out of that hospital. A little bribe to the orderly and he turned blind eye.

Jack ass.

No wonder this country is going to the dogs.

: D :D:D

Going back to what I was saying.

It took me only a couple of days to conclude she wasn't in Miami. She had resigned and disappeared. Her old home was vacant, which also meant I couldn't have the pleasure of killing her precious dad.

That left me with one very disturbing question.

Where was she? In WPP?

Of course that's quite possible.

In that case things would be graver than what I had imagined. But somehow knowing her I don't think she is hiding behind some govt program. She would rather take me down on her own.

Oh ya... That's her.

It's not been that long you see. I can still remember the way she conned me into letting my guard down and stabbed me in the beck with that pen. It really did hurt. Very innovative I admit. I appreciate her plunk. I have no one to blame but myself. Hurt me once shame on you. Hurt me twice shame on me. And I don't take embarrassment too kindly. Sometimes I touch it gently you know, to remember who gave the scar.

Lisa where ever you are its time for a pay back.

Too bad we hadn't met under different circumstances. I really would have loved to know you better.

Maybe kiss you in that bathroom.

That joke about that quickie would not have been a joke after all.

But that didn't happen.

Well something will though. I can guarantee you that. I will find you Lisa. Where ever you are. And when I do you will find that that red eye flight that night was vanilla compared to what I have in my mind.

And I hope you are ready.

:D :D :D

To be continued

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

A new beginning or is it?

Is it completely insane what I am going through? Oh come on!

It's been 2 years. But I still haven't been able to bring myself to date anyone.

The trust issue was there I have to admit. Jackson had appeared like a decent, Likeable character. Who would have dreamt he would turn out to be a total nut job?

No I wasn't referring to "that".

Even After the parking lot incident which traumatized me for months I had found a way to be with men again.

So what changed this time?

If I were true to myself I would have to say after Jackson every man I met seemed lie a …..

Which word should I use? A sissy?

I never found anyone who could be my equal. Somehow Jackson had evoked some very dark emotions in me which I never imagined I had. I needed drama. Constant adrenaline rush. No one could provide me with that in the past two years.

So basically I am now celibate.

So it was my perverse wish to see him once again. See if I could replicate the "that red eye act".

What I wouldn't do to wipe that very smug look off his face. It wasn't in my control indeed.

New York was fun otherwise. The night life was ok. My job now involved writing for a new paper as a free lancer. Thank god I don't have to deal with snooty hotel clients anymore. I do miss Cynthia. And feel bad for her. Sometimes I so want to pick up the phone and dial her number. Then decide against it. It was a life I had left behind. No good can come off it now.

Being a free lancer gave me one huge benefit. I could keep my anonymity. The fictional feature I wrote everyday gave me ample scope to explore my creativity without revealing who I am. They were fine with my nom de plume.

Sometimes I get a feeling of utter dread. Has my disguise been too good? Why else would it take 2 years for someone like rippner to find me?

It's kind of creeping me out. I don't want to be unprepared when he arrives.

You can quite guess what's going on here. Don't you? He is trying to out think me.

And I am trying to do the same with him.

It's a game of cat and mouse.

I was hiding but I know was going to pounce once I saw him prowling.

And he was in the chase. But he knows he has to duck at some point. The stakes are too high.

So the demarcation between the prey and the predator is slowly diminishing.

Wouldn't it too interesting to see the out come?

To be continued

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

New York New York

Sometimes I wonder why in the world I chose to do this job. Being of above average intelligence and capacity to adapt I could have secured any job in this world.

But noooooooo … I had to get myself involved in high profile assassinations and govt overthrows.

Now look where it has got me!

I am chasing after a woman I should have killed years ago for no apparent reason. Now it not really required. But I am still hunting her. It's kind of become a fixation with me.

When I chose my eyes I see her soft brown hair and her dimples, smirking at me.

That feels me with an uncontrollable rage.

Nothing would make me happier than slamming her against a wall, and squeezing the life out of her miserable little body.

Hmmmm not exactly.

No one could deny she was hot. And the scar on her chest added a sort of mystery to her. She did tell me later how it happened.

What I wouldn't do to touch that little scar once again. Feel the hot skin on the tip of my fingers.

But I can't get distracted right now. I have to find her first.

A contact in Boston had said something. Something about a female journalist he had met in New York. She looked a lot like Lisa. It might be a sheer coincidence. But then I have to be sure. Today am flying off to the city. Something in me tells me am on the right track. I donno why. She never had anything to do with journalism. Man ! She didn't have journalism in college.

Somehow it made sense didn't it?

A free lancer.

No one to ask her about her where abouts.

She could remain incognito as long as she wanted.

Not any more lisa.

If I am right then things are about to change drastically for you.

For the sake of my sanity I hope you are there. Let's finish this once and for all.

To be continued

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

If you could see me now

What destroys a great day in New York?

Apart from the Yankees loosing that is?

A drizzle when you badly need to make it an appointment on time.

It was exactly the situation I found myself in. It was 6 o clock in the evening. And I was scheduled to meet a friend at 4 seasons at 7.

When you have lived in New York long enough you know that 1 hr isn't enough to travel from one part of the town to another.

So I was already late when this suddenly unexpected drizzle began. It left me with no other option but to halt at the nearest café waiting for a cab to get in. I was flabbergasted.

For someone who always took cattle class, taking a cab seemed like a total waste.

I donno. It might have been 5 mins or maybe a bit longer. But I suddenly began to feel a certain chill. And it had nothing to do with this rain.

"He is here" my subconscious warned.

"Who?" I tried to rationalize.

"Jack the ripper"

"That can't be. He can't be here yet. Am not ready" I almost screamed.

'Be as it may but he is here. He will find you" my subconscious couldn't be happier.

I was about to snap back telling her to shut up when I saw him on the other side of the road, standing at the boulevard staring at me.

A sudden chill went down my spine. He had that effect on people. He had told me once he was a lousy shot. So that was his secret weapon.

Staring his prey down?

Making them uneasy and weak in the knees?

Keep the iciness on it until they broke?

I assume it always worked.

And now after all these years he was doing the exact same thing to me.

I could tell from his look that he knew I saw him too. His face could barely hold back the smirk. But I could also see a bit of confusion.

He has found his prey. He was in a dilemma. What to do with me now?

Go for the icing or straight for the cake as the saying goes?

It was a crowded street. I admit. But I don't think that would deter him. But killing me right here right now would ruin all his fun ….

I can bet on that.

Oh ya he wants to play with his toy before he broke it.

He was smiling now. He made no attempt to move. He just stood there. Like a python.

I could barely move. I believe I would have willingly walked into his death grip if he had asked me.

But he just stood there. Then suddenly he was gone.

Blink of an eye and he was gone, knowing he would be back.

He has won the first round. He now knows am in New York. And if knew Jackson at all its safe to bet he knows where I work and stay.

But the game isn't over yet.

To be continued

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

I need you

I had arrived at New York a week ago. It seemed like a good idea. I needed to get my suspicions confirmed. Then think about my next move. I already knew where this Lisa's doppelganger worked.

Sort of.

Given she was working as a free lancer.

I waited outside the agency's office from 10 o clock knowing she had to arrive to submit her latest entry.

I waited 6hrs.

I couldn't really believe my eyes when I saw her. She looked so completely different, yet the same.

I always thought brunette suited her best.

But she was a blonde now. It didn't make her look like a bimbo though. Nothing could do that. she was also wearing glasses which I don't remember her ever wearing. But then she wasn't a transparent person. Man she even lied about her favorite drink ! sea breeze indeed !

Was this part of her disguise? Or was she simply bored with her looks? It could be anything. You could never tell when it came to women. If it were a disguise I have to say it was a pretty lame one.

She could change the color of her hair and eyes but how could she hide her slow confident gait that defined her? Or the dimples that reflected both her vulnerability and sheer courage?

Oh ya it was a very bad idea.

It took me 5 mins to know it was lisa.

I cant begin to tell you the relief I felt And the disappointment too. It's like she gave in too easily. I had imagined searching for her for years. 2 yrs ? really?

Obviously I followed her home. I had to see what kinda place she had gotten herself this time.

Oh surprise surprise !

This was actually an apartment in west village.

The security system was going from bad to worse I think.

I took me around 2 mins to walk into the building. Get into the elevator and stand in front of her door, Of course when she wasn't around.

The name place now said Regina blavasky.

East European.

Hmmmm hence the blonde hair I guess! Too bad.

I liked her old name. It had an old world charm.

:D : D :D

I had looked around. It was a small dainty little place. Just like the little miss pen stabber herself. Neat clean. Precise. Immaculate. Or am I describing myself?

What surprised me the most was her bed room. It was huge master bedroom. But it completely devoid of girlish charm.

It was dark and brooding and smelt suspiciously of almonds which I again don't remember her ever having.

Her closet now was full of high end designer clothes. Expensive and well maintained.

The dressing table was the only thing that gave her away. It was the exact replica of the old she had in Miami. She even had the same bottle of her favorite perfume. Elusive .

I had felt the sudden need to hold it up my nose.

Hmmmmmm that's what she had smelt of when I had slammed her against the bathroom door and pinned her there.

How I regretted not kissing her that time

I went through her drawers. Felt her silky dressing down on my fingers.

A guy could only imagine someone like her in the black lingerie.

I knew I had to leave then. But I promised myself to return everyday.

I did.

I stalked her from her home and back for a week before I showed myself.

It was time.

Man she had the exact reaction I imagined she would have. She looked pretty close to screaming, crying fainting and standing transfixed all at the same time.

It felt nice.

She looked perfectly delicious, draped in her wet Clothes.

The first round went to me.

I can only chuckle once as I lie in my bed thinking about her without those wet clothes.

The game I know too isn't over yet.

To be continued

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Nowhere to run

So he is here. And he has found me. I don't know what is more disturbing. That he found me so soon or the fact he didn't attempt to chase me in the least.

That could mean only one thing. He has something more diabolical on his mind. Going by his standard it's going to be brutal.

So going back to my apartment is out of question now. He will be waiting there. Or someplace close.

But then he has managed to catch me unawares this time. I don't have a thing with might help me to run for a few days. Save the clothes on my back and a few dollars in my purse. Am sure he would know if I used a credit card somewhere.

So what now?

Should I just take a risk and go to my apartment to pick up a few things, almost knowing he might be there?

I bet he is sitting around someplace, laughing his ass off, probably my own bed.

The crazy bastard !

So what do I do now? Call 911? How crazy would that sound? If they cops do arrive and find no one they would never believe me again.

That's exactly what he wants.

Going to the police is not an option either.

I would be lying though I said I wasn't intrigued to see him again.

Is it possible he has become more handsome in the past two years? The thirties suit him.

Well what the hell! I had wanted to do this all along didn't I?

If he is there, he is there. But he can't kill me. Not in my house. He knows that by now.

I am going to my apartment.

Jack, you pathetic little twit I better not find you there.

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Come away with me

Ok please forgive me for being a class one narcissist. But I can't begin to tell how I felt when I saw the utter horror on her face that evening. If she was so horrified just to see me, then I can only imagine what she might be going through now.

If I were a gambler I would bet she is currently debating whether she should or shouldn't go back to her apartment. It's all in the likelihood I would be waiting. And that couldn't be pleasant for her.

Ohhhhh you see she always had this tendency to break my heart

:D :D :D

But then I am pretty certain she would.

The temptation to beat me with a baseball bat would be too much for her.

You see I have come to know her a bit.

And I am not going to go down that easily this time.

But she isn't totally wrong.

I was indeed in her apartment. But that was before I stalked her till here. I was there. And I did what I had to do. Ok something else too which is beside the point. Anyway when she walks in through that door any moment from now she isn't going to find me.

But she is in for a huge shock.

She would know I was there. I had been there the whole past week. And touched everything she owned. Her night gown her perfume, the lipstick she uses everyday to color her already luscious and voluptuous lips. The same ones that looks inviting yet rebellious at the same time, As if daring someone to take a bite out of the lower one. She would know I know how she smelt after taking her hot bath. I had been in her bathroom. And I have seen what kind of cologne she uses now .I had to know whether she used the same one as before.

She didn't.

And I had been through her secret drawers, looking for any unfamiliar faces in the photographs. There had been none.

I can't tell you what a relief it had been. She wasn't dating anyone.

So she was mine to take. She was mine to break. Everything from her head down was mine. Mine alone.

The face.

The lips.

The dimples.

The neck.

The scar.

Everything she hid underneath those designer clothes was mine. She would know that I have come back to claim what was denied to me previously.

My booty.

Then I will decide what else to do with her.

Meanwhile she can enjoy the little present I left her on her coffee table.

Consider it as my token of affection.

For Some women physical abuse and violence is a huge turn on.

But gee! For some men too!

:D :D :D :D :D :D

To be continued

P.S things would turn very violent and sexual from the next chapter onwards. :D :D :D

So bear with me.

But I need to finish the inception fanfic. Do read that one too.

Your comments and reviews and suggestions are most appreciated!

Jackson rippner and Robert fisher jr rock my world :D

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Home coming surprise

I will have to wait for a while. I just can't barge in there with all guns blazing.

I was more than aware of that. But what exactly should I do?

If he is lurking outside my apartment he would take a position from he can see everything. That would put me in a bad strategic position. And if he is inside there isn't nothing much I can do. He could be anywhere, from my bedroom to the kitchen. Hiding in the closet to jump me or just could be waiting in my living room drinking coffee from my favorite mug

This man was getting weirder by the minute.

If he lived in Gotham city "the joker" would have been toast.

Okay he is expecting to get beaten up by a baseball bat. I don't understand the man's obsession with that thing. I remember beating him black and blue yet he seemed to enjoy it like hell

So that's what he will get.

So I picked up the damn thing from the janitor's locker downstairs and instead of taking the elevators slowly walked my way up.

But something in me told me I wouldn't find him here. Something wasn't right.

My door was open. Oh god! So he is here …

Where the hell is he?

The living room looked deserted. But then I always remembered what an ex bf of mine who was also an ex marine told me once.

An empty open space always meant an ambush. I carefully padded across the room taking the show off, my precious bat still in hand.

I could sense his presence. I could actually smell him. I looked at the closet and yanked it open.

Nothing. None.

By bedroom door was closed.

"Jacskon" I cooed

"Come out now. We have done this before. Let's not play this hide and seek anymore"

"Jack" I almost screamed. Then I forced the door open.

I was welcomed by an empty room. A scared mirror image of myself stared back at me.

By now I knew it was pointless to look in the bathroom. But with Jackson everything was possible.

As I said there was none.

It was so fucking frustrating.

I made my way back in the living room when my eyes fell on the coffee table.

A small object wrapped in glittery red paper.

I certainly didn't buy it.

I gingerly picked it up and unwrapped it. It was a long elongated box.

I knew what was inside even before opening it.

It was a silver pen with a razor sharp nib. There was a small note attached to it. One word

ENJOY :D:D:D

So he was here. He wanted me to know he was here. He planted this pen. I looked about the room in real panic this time. Everything seemed different.

It was my place. But somehow it wasn't.

Every bit of it smelt of Jackson rippner.

I suddenly realized he probably had gone through my closet as well.

Touched my clothes.

That's why I felt him so close to me the past 7 days.

He had been touching me.

I wanted to throw up. But couldn't. The whole world whirled. He was probably here even when you were asleep. Maybe he even cradled you to sleep, touching your face. Someone laughed hysterically in my head as I fainted.

To be continued

p.s Jackson its not very nice to scare her again :D :D :D :p:p:p

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

One more night

By now Lisa would have gotten her "little present". How I wish I could be there. How I longed to there when she saw that pen. But I get it. It wasn't feasible. It's more interesting when you tire your prey out. Play with her a little. Maybe let her know she has nowhere to run. It's better if she voluntarily came to me, making my job easier. : P

I guess life isn't fair. Bad things happen to both good and bad people.

But I have had enough. I want her. And I want her now. I want to see the terrified look in her eyes. And I want to see the longing. Then I want to slam her against that bedroom wall of hers and finish the job. Knowing her she wouldn't resist that. She will only provoke more hunger in me.

She will try to deny her primal instinct. That would make me mad. And she really shouldn't make me mad.

I know I want to hurt her And real bad for everything she has done to me. But I want her to be conscious when I carry out my next plan. I want her to know exactly what was happening to her and why and where.

Where?

She doesn't know yet. But the pen wasn't the only thing I left in the apartment. There is a small gps device attached to her watch telling me about her every move. That's how I knew where she went everyday without even stalking her.

Tomorrow is the day.

I can't take it anymore. 2yrs is long enough.

Let her wake up to a sunny morning. Hopefully she will put on that black dress. Wear that favorite perfume of hers.

I hope she looks scared, trying to anticipate my next move. And I hope she is prepared.

I wouldn't want her to be anything less.

And I hope she gives me what I always wanted.

One more night.

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Catch me if you can

I don't remember when I regained my consciousness. But I still felt dizzy when I did. The clock chimed silently, her arms moving at her own pace. I could smell the darkness creeping in enveloping everything including myself. I found myself in total darkness. I don't know how long I sat in total absence of light. But I wasn't ready to face what just happened.

And besides I was feeling kind of fey. Like something was going to happen. And happen soon.

I wasn't sure what.

But Jackson being here meant something.

And the fact he had been in my apartment several times already meant something more ominous. I can't begin to think what he might do with me when he got the chance…when the right time came.

He is capable of murder. He has proved that once. I didn't need more convincing. And he was equally good at physical abuse.

Stalking for a purpose? Sure yes.

But I never imagined him to be a sex predator. That wasn't something I thought he had in him. He had his chance. He could have done anything in that bathroom and I would have been forced to keep mum. But he didn't.

So was he capable of rape?

Was he demented enough to force himself on me before he killed me?

What would he do with me? It's pretty obvious he wants to kill me. But that's not all what he has in his mind. What else?

I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself.

I had felt the electricity myself. And I always wondered what would have happened if we had met under different circumstances.

But that's not really the point.

I think he wants to have a taste of what he thinks he is lost.

I am absolutely not going to give it to him willingly.

Willing or not I know he is going to be brutal with me this time.

I don't think a sharp pen or a baseball bat is going to save me this time. And I certainly don't wanna shoot him again.

So the only option I have? Run.

I have to go to the bank tomorrow and I would draw everything. Then I would run.

Catch me if you can Jackson.

Catch me if you can.

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

The Clock's ticking

It's so exasperating waiting for the dawn to break. It's almost impossible for me to hold it any longer. At one point I even considered picking up the phone and dial her number, just to hear her voice. But very wisely I decided against it.

It wouldn't kill me to wait a few more hours now would it?

Its felt kind of nice knowing she was out there scared all alone trying to anticipate my next move. She was going to be all mine.

I looked at the clock. 4.43 In the morning.

I haven't slept a wink I suddenly realized.

That can't be good. Rest was indeed a weapon.

She would be awake now. She probably didn't sleep the whole night. Her clothes would be neatly packed in her suitcase, her toiletries gone.

The mug she always used to drink coffee from would lie neglected.

In a few hours the streets which are empty now would turn into a driver's nightmare. That's when Regina would attempt to disappear once again.

But she doesn't know about the GPS tracker now does she?

She doesn't know I would be waiting for her everywhere she goes from here onwards, starting from her first halt.

Judging by the money she kept in her purse my guess would be the bank.

I have 6hrs left.

To be continued

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

The guns. The roses and a pair of blues eyes

It didn't take me long to pack my belongings. I only wanted to carry a few things in my night case. I didn't want anything to do with Anything Jackson had ever touched. I wish I could take shower, washing his smell off me. But I knew it was impossible and it was all in my head. And besides I have no evidence that he actually did anything.

He had told me he never lied. Lies never served him. I guess it's became a habit with him now. A cruel man who never lies!

What could be more disturbing?

That's how I knew he would carry out his plans no matter what, What ever the hell they were.

And I also knew he wouldn't do something like that. So the feeling I had been having ever since I found that pen in the room was in fact a figment of my imagination.

Not a comforting thought either.

The bank doesn't open until 10 o'clock.

The time couldn't go slower.

I wasn't sure whether to take a cab or a safer transport called the tube. He could very well barge into the cab gloating.

But I didn't have much time to think about. I needed to get my money out of the bank and go into hiding.

Then I could decide on my future course of action.

What's surprising was nothing happened on my way to the bank.

When I got out of the car I half expected him to appear beside me out of the blue.

Nothing!

That again made me uneasy.

As I walked my way to the bank I felt the walls were closing in on me.

It was an ambush.

It may not be rational to think he would pull a stunt in the midst of a crowded public place with security personnel lurking everywhere.

But someone who's done the same thing up above it was a piece of cake.

I couldn't see him though.

It could be my paranoia. A panic attack if you will.

I was almost hoping it wasn't.

I was so tired of his mind games.

He was playing one with me and winning it too. And I am a bad loser.

If he wants a confrontation here, he will get more than he has bargained for. I can guarantee him that.

My mind was still in a jumble when I walked up to the teller.

She was very understanding, if somewhat surprised.

It wasn't everyday when a client decides to close her a/c.

Of course I didn't give her my real reason. Let her think it's the bank's fault.

I certainly didn't want her to think was a conspiracy theorist imagining assassins and rogue agents everywhere.

I was standing there looking around myself when I felt a familiar touch on my shoulder.

The one I had once known but chose to forget but failed to do so.

I wasn't sure how I missed him. But I knew it was him. And I knew I was trapped.

I slowly turned and looked directly into his blue eyes.

He was smiling. He was actually grinning.

He seemed to be at peace finally.

His eyes looked every bit as crazy but it bore that boyish charm. I am willing my life to Lucifer he was a bit off when he was a teenager. I had never seen anyone about to inflict misery on someone else look so incredibly happy.

"shhhhhhhh" he put up his finger to his face and smirked again before I could even say

I would scream.

"I have a gun" he said smugly.

"But its better for both of us if you accepted a rose"

The crazy bastard brought up a rose from someplace and shoved it up my nose.

I looked at the teller who incuriously was busy and had witnessed nothing.

She probably thought it was a lover's feud.

"Come with me" he said quietly, grabbing my arms with an iron clad fist, dragging me towards the stair case.

"no"

"don't fight me lisa"

"I am not gonna come with you. I will yell. Gun or not" I said hoarsely

"Then I will kill you first then blast anyone else who gets in my way. Their blood will be on your very dead body"

"please let me go"

" poor lisa has learnt to say the P word.

Gee"

"Jackson" I pleaded as he continued dragging me.

He had managed to pull me towards the staircase and started to march me up.

He didn't loosen his grip until we came in front of a locked door which I could only assume a bathroom.

My heart filled up with a cold dread.

So he is planning on a physical assault I thought.

Oh god.

I didn't get the time to ponder over its implications. I felt a sudden pull and I found myself in a huge empty bathroom.

Somewhere behind me I heard the door closed.

"Now we will talk"

Jackson said as he approached towards me with a greedy look in his eyes.

:D :D :D

To be continued

Ps "non con"? Keep guessing! : P: P: P

Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

There and back again

"Now we will talk" I said almost inaudibly as I approached her. I could tell from her face she was terrified but at the same time somewhat intrigued.

She never seemed like a loony to me quite frankly. But I guess being chased for so many months was beginning to take its toll on her.

Her breaths became more and more measured I was glad to notice.

:D:D:D

She had slowly edging towards the wall without realizing in a futile attempt to get away from me. Pretty soon she found herself up against a wall with nothing but her labored breath to separate the two of us.

I grinned.

I grabbed her neck without any prior warning, my face now very inappropriately close to hers.

She gulped and then tried to untangle my hands from around her neck.

"Jackson. Please. You don't have to do this" she was almost whimpering this time.

I could smell her perfume. Not perfume.

Her scent.

The musky scent of her body.

It was so pleasing.

I only wished she would shut up for a while.

I moved an inch closer, my lips almost meeting her neck.

Then I pulled away.

She looked visibly … disappointed?

"Where is your scar?" I asked touching the collar of her black shirt.

Lisa looked at me in great contempt and made no comment.

It angered me immensely.

I shoved her roughly against the wall and unbuttoned the first botton.

The scar wasn't there.

"Lisa" I growled

"Where is that bloody scar?" squeezing her neck a little more tightly now.

" I got rid of it" she almost choked.

"why"

"I didn't want it to remind me of …..of the parking lot anymore"

"lisa" this time I was uncontrollable.

I grabbed her waist with one hand and pulled her closer towards me so that faces were an inch apart.

"I think I told you I don't like lies." I hissed this time.

I crashed her body against mine so that she couldn't breathe.

"let go jack"

"The truth lisa"

"I didn't want it to remind me of you."

"The scar? Why?"

" cause when you touched that one It had felt real, Like you really cared ,Which was stupid ,given the next moment you were chasing me down the city to kill me"

I took a long breath and looked into her eyes. She looked ravishing. And I have had enough.

Enough of the small talk!

I pulled her closer and grabbed her by her hair. She was forced to look up. Then I leaned in and crushed my mouth on hers.

I bit her lips attacking the lower lip first which tasted a bit like raspberry.

My favorite.

My tongue found hers pretty quickly. It of course met with resistance. Lisa I knew would give in so easily. Then quite unexpectedly I found her tongue my mouth, tasting and devouring me.

To be continued

Ps guys my Jackson isn't a rapist. I was only kidding about the "non con". So enough: D: D: D

Reviews are most appreciated.

Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Apollo and Athena

It was the longest I had kissed anyone in the past 2 years. And it surprised me.

Of all the people I thought I would be snogging I never actually thought it would be "Jack the ripper".

Several thoughts passed through my mind as he continued kissing me like an angry [and somewhat hungry] vulture.

But only one made sense.

He is an amazing kisser.

He is an amazing kisser.
I wanted him to keep kissing me. I wanted him to touch me like no one else had.

I wanted him to rip his shirt off before ripping mine.

I wanted him to take me.

And first of all I didn't want this kiss to end.

To be continued

Ps I kept this chapter short. I thought Jackson's version is going to be better, and dirtier and sexier: D: D: D

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Interrupted

I kept kissing her hungrily before my hands found her hips. I brought her closer towards me as I continued crushing her against my body. I could sense her heavy breathing as her chest went up and down.

It felt oddly strange against my own lean frame. It didn't take much to find the buttons. I opened the first then tore her shirt apart, exposing her very generous bosom.

I made no attempt to be gentle.

I leaned in once again this time attacking her neck.

I bit her like a vampire sucking the blood of the victim. And I believe I did draw a little bit of blood.

It tasted sweet.

:P:P:P

She meanwhile had found her way into my chest. She had somehow managed to take off the blazer I was wearing and unbutton the shirt underneath.

I could feel her fingers tickling my nipples. It was an impulse. I grabbed her hand and bit her there.

She gave a startled exclamation and winced.

I couldn't hide my grin.

"You sick bastard! What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled, really surprised this time.

I just laughed.

That got to her.

She looked around herself, found empty can on the counter and threw me at my head.

Bull's eye.

Man it really did hurt

She wasn't done yet. Next came her sandals, her handbag.

I could only stand there and dodge as she continued to assault me.

She madly ran about the room and found herself a broomstick.

This time she grinned.

I didn't want to get beaten up by a broom stick.

I steeped forward trying to whisk it away from her.

But the woman was strong. She managed to give me a few blows before I could tackle her and throw her down on the floor.

I pinned her to the floor my hands making her immobile.

"Stop it Lisa"

She just spitted on my face.

I wanted to smack her. But I instead I kissed her once again. This time my hands unhooked her inners.

I kissed her chest from her breast down and unzipped her skirt with my mouth.

She moved involuntarily.

She mouthed something I didn't quite catch.

I was too busy playing with what was underneath that black and very conservative skirt.

Who would have guessed?

A thong no less: P: P: P!

I could feel the heat in my body. She looked ready. But I wasn't yet to give in.

What better way to tease a woman aroused?

:D :D :D

"oh damn it jack" she whispered.

"Don't tell me you are a fucking chicken"

Her attempt at the dirty talking was actually pretty cute.

I was about to reply with something more than a mere answer when I heard a gunshot.

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Trapped

"What the hell was that?" I asked sitting up.

"Jack what have you done?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds then said

"Nothing"

"What was that then? I think I heard a gunshot"

"It was"

"And you claim you had nothing to do with that" I asked him incredulously

"Stay here." His tone had turned graver.

Perhaps he perceived something I didn't.

He got up and moved towards the door.

"Jack wait… no..where are you going?" I almost screamed in real panic this time.

He turned towards me. His eyes were ablaze. It had taken the same glint I has seen once many years ago.

"What's happening out there Jackson?"

"You want the truth?" his queried , his voice hoarse.

"Yes please if you don't mind." I could refrain myself from being sarcastic.

His face remained impassive, almost expressionless.

"I think the building is been attacked. We are all taken hostages"

It took me a while to comprehend. Then I laughed and laughed and laughed some more.

"Jack you really had me there. So this was your plan all along? To recreate the red eye thing once again? But why take the whole building? Were you getting bored with just one hostage?" I rambled on hysterically.

I giggled.

He stood there motionless for a while his hands on the door knob.

"Are you quite done yet?"

I just answered him with a cold stare.

He sighed and then came forward. He knelt down on his knees and took my face in his hands almost gently.

"Lisa I have told you many times. Lies don't serve me. Believe me when I say I had nothing to do with this"

I was shivering by then. I wrapped my shirt around me and looked into his eyes.

I was surprised to see nothing but sincerity in them.

It scared the hell outta me.

"So we are really hostages?"

"We are"

"What do we do now?"

"I will find out"

To be continued

Ps thanks so much for the reviews. Please keep giving me feed backs. Its very encouraging so far.

Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

The dark crusader

"I will find out" I whispered as touched her face.

It had turned into a color of deadly white. I couldn't bear to look at her.

It didn't suit her. Even when I was terrorizing her all the way to Miami she never lost her composure and had fought me every step of the way.

Now suddenly she seemed to give up.

I realized for the first time she was just an innocent girl who was once trapped in a very nasty situation but she wasn't a professional and wasn't meant for things like these.

She could handle stress well yes

But this wasn't the kind of stress she was meant to handle.

She had cracked finally.

I touched her face once again and tilted it towards me

"Lisa I need you. I can't do this without you."

She said nothing. Tears tickled down her face.

"Listen to me Lisa. And listen to me carefully. Don't let your emotions drive you"

"Fact based logic" I heard her say

It took me a while to realize what implications she was making

"What? Oh yeah… but need you to listen to me carefully and carry out every little thing I tell you. You are so bad at following instructions" I growled.

She looked at me tearfully.

I almost melted.

:D :D :D

"Do you realize which floor we are on ?"

"The top?"

"Yeah the top. I was thinking what if the intruders don't know we are here?"

"what are you saying"

'I was saying its possible there aint anyone outside in the corridor"

Her face turned into an ashen grey.

"nooooooooooooooooo" she screamed.

"shhhhhhhhhh…listen to me." I pleaded.

"I will have to go outside and find out how many of them are there. We are probably the only ones they don't know about. This bathroom was out of order." I stopped.

"they have probably cut off any telephone lines there were downstairs and elsewhere Taken all the cell phones too. Speaking of which do you have one on you now?" I asked

'Yes"

"Good. So we have a slight leverage Even if it isn't much. Wont do much if we get caught though."

"Or die"

"we aint going to die. Not today anyway. I need to see how many of them are outside. If my guess is correct none. That means they are all scarred around from the next floor onwards" I drawled.

"ya you would know" Lisa informed me contemptuously which I chose to ignore for the moment.

"Once I find out I could give an exact location of each perpetrator to the SWAT team. In the meantime I want you to call them… SWAT /911…I know they are on your speed dial and tell them about us. And then stay put. Don't follow me out there.

I don't want you jeopardizing my plans by playing the hero as always.

I added spitefully.

To be continued

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

Out in the open part 1

I looked at him in sheer disbelief.

I couldn't believe he actually wanted us to get out the mess safely. And he was willing to risk his life.

He had been in tight situations before. But I don't think he had ever done something so selfless. It was disconcerting and slightly annoying. I wasn't used to the idea of him playing a nice guy, Let alone hero.

But I didn't want him to go out there either.

Somehow I wanted him here with me, safely away from the gunfire and the shootouts downstairs. And I knew nothing I would say would dissuade him.

He would probably give me a head butt to keep me unconscious while he prowled.

:D :D :D

"I don't think it's a good idea jack"

"Did I ask for an opinion" his voice answered violently skeptical.

"and besides I have a gun"

"You said you were a lousy shot"

"It doesn't mean I can't shoot."

I signed.

"Let me come with you. Let me help."

"You would a better help if you stayed here and followed my instruction Liz"

"I just…..i juts don't you to go out there…knowing" I stopped

"Knowing what? I might not come back? Is not it something you always wanted? You have got your wish liz….

Why so sad?"

Suddenly he gave me a jokerish smile which was more of a snarl I must add.

"ya jack its exactly what I want. I want you gone. Whoosh…away… from my life…"

What else there was to say?

He grinned once more. This time his hard eyes softened a bit. It looked suspiciously hurt.

"well you have got an opportunity to make it happen then."

I was getting tired of this charade.

"Jackson ! please take me with you…"

To be continued

Ps thanks everyone who's reviewed the story. I appreciate it. Please be a doll and review the rest…: P: P: P

And if you like it read my other stories as well!

Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Out in the open part 2

"Please take me with you" Lisa's voice was quiet.

I knew instantly her mind was made up. She wouldn't let me go alone.

Not that I liked the idea of taking an entire group of terrorists or likes on my own.

I knew better.

But I didn't want to put her in harms way any more than I could help.

She being here today Trapped as a hostage was my fault entirely.

If it wasn't for me she would be at her home working on her new project.

Instead she was now stuck in a top floor bathroom with a deadly assassin and more downstairs,

I needed to get us out.

Soon!

"liz its not possible you know that… you would be a liability not an asset" I tried to rationalize one more time.

But I knew it wasn't true. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. She was more than a match for someone like me.

But I didn't know who these people were.

I had no idea whether they were mere robbers out to make some quick cash or criminals looking for more.

Or worse Terrorists. !

She looked at me for a moment tilted her head and smiled

"Jack even you don't believe that"

I didn't.

"Okay fine… stay close….and don't try anything. Don't get out of my sight"

I gave in.

"But call the cops first"

Which Liz thankfully complied.

I opened the doorknob noiselessly, Lisa behind me and slowly peered out.

There wasn't anyone in sight.

It of course didn't mean there wasn't anyone.

It could be an ambush.

So we waited.

Tick tock tick tock.

Finally after a few moments we came out in the open. I drew my gun. Liz armed herself with the broomstick.

We looked around ourselves. The corridor was devoid of any form of human life. The elevator was on our side of the corridor, the staircase on the other.

Taking the elevator was out of question.

But was it safe to take the steps?

What if someone decided to check on the floor and crept up?

There of course was the fire escape.

But I was pretty sure they covered that.

We had to take our chance and take the stairs.

I rampaged through my blazer's pocket.

6 magazines.

Would it help ?

It wouldn't if they start to blast us away with an AK47.

But it felt a bit safer knowing we were armed.

We wouldn't go down without fighting.

As I motioned liz to move towards the staircase, I wondered how my life got so complicated.

I was happy hating her, wanting her dead.

Now all I could think about was getting her out of this hell hole alive.

If it was all I ever did!

To be continued

Ps Reviews? Reviews? Reviews?

Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

The pursuit

I knew the broomstick wasn't going to be effective in the least but I carried it with me anyway. It was perhaps sheer out of habit.

As I edged slowly towards the staircase I took a moment to glance at him. I could only see his back. But his shoulders were all crouched up, ready to pounce.

His body was a mixture of aggressive attack and a passive defense.

Suddenly I realized he had positioned himself a certain way. I was completely hidden from any vantage point.

He was a lean man. But somehow he had managed to get into a position where he could cover me.

He did it without my knowing.

I was astonished and again a little disturbed.

He really did care.

We stopped for a few seconds at the door closet to us, waited, and then made another move.

The staircase was only 5 feet away now.

We slowly made our way towards it.

Thankfully no one crept up on us.

The first flight of stairs looked deserted.

"So they are down below" I mused

"hmmmmm" came his inaudible whisper. "So what next?"

"We go down. Stay close to me" his voice warned me.

Then slowly he began to descend His hands stretched backwards.

I took them and followed him down.

My heart was racing.

The second flight of stairs was just as abandoned.

But as we came to the last step we heard a soft noice.

It was slowly coming towards us.

Footsteps.

"Hide" Jackson growled and drew out his gun as I jumped behind a wall.

To be continued

Reviews?

Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

John doe gone down

I drew out my gun and waited. I could almost count his steps. He was barely 2 feet away from me when I jumped. I think it was the element of surprise which did it. He didn't even yell when I shot him right between his eyes.

He fell noiselessly.

He was a big burly man of about 6'3.

His holster held two guns.

I was relieved not to have killed an innocent bystander which was a fat chance under these circumstances.

Something in me had changed.

I heard Lisa coming out from behind the wall.

"You killed him" her voice was surprisingly calm,

"Yes"

I could have rationalized it by saying he would have killed us if I didn't.

But the truth was I was habituated with swift executions. Old habits died hard.

Lisa was more than aware of it.

I dragged his body away from the corridor and hid it behind the wall.

I was afraid more of his cronies sneaking up on us.

The corridors looked deserted enough. But one was enough to put up our guard.

Lisa in the meantime had bagged the dead man's gun I was happy to notice.

She too wouldn't think twice before pulling the gun.

"Tell the cops that one is down. Hmmm and exclude the part where I killed him" I joked.

Lisa picked up the phone and dialed 911.

"hello 911 how may I help you"

"I called a few moments away about a hostage situation"

"Yes mam. The swat team is on their way. You said you were safe?"

"We were. We have headed down the floor below. It's pretty deserted. But we found one of them we have taken him down"

She didn't tell the operative he was dead.

"mam you should have stayed where you were"

"We had to find out their exact positions."

"That's true mam but please don't jeopardize the lives of others by playing the bat-man. The pro swat team is on their way. And they have brought their own negotiator as well."

"I understand"

She hung up.

"Gee" I grinned.

"Don't laugh Jackson it's not funny"

"Of course not… shall we?" I edged towards the staircase lisa on the toes.

"Lisa things will get nastier. There are going to be more of them downstairs." I continued.

"I know"

I smirked.

To be continued

Ps the story is coming to a close so please review it. I am gonna miss jack and lisa

Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Taken

He smirked. He bloody smirked making my blood boil. I wanted to hit him real hard but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea.

So I kept quiet. I instead answered him with a cold stare, quite like his own.

He looked amused.

We slowly made our way down the first flight of stairs without incident.

It was beginning to get on my nerves.

The floor was unusually quiet.

Something wasn't right.

Of course something wasn't right I reminded myself, we are prisoners remember?

But the silence didn't make sense.

Something was definitely off.

I couldn't see jack's eyes. It might have given me a forewarning.

Maybe not.

He was such a chameleon.

But I could sense a slight change in his demeanor. His posture was that of an apprehensive predator.

He wasn't sure where his quarry was.

He turned towards me as we came to the last step and said

"Lisa you should have stayed in the bathroom while you still had the chance"

I didn't get time to react or answer.

I heard the footsteps first but before I had time to react

Two men suddenly emerged from behind the shadows with guns in their hands.

Jack was standing directly in front of them; I stood behind him, hidden.

The men hadn't seen him at first.

Suddenly they did and shoved the guns in jacks direction

" whose there"

jack didn't get the time to shoot this time. He had recognized the make of the gun. So he did what anyone in his position would do. He held his hands up and stammered

" please don't kill me" all the while keeping me hidden.

He moved a step backwards poking me a little.

The motion didn't go unnoticed by the assailants.

"Don't move who are you? What are you doing up here?"

"I was in the top floor. I got locked. Please don't shoot me" jack continued to plead.

"Come forward and keep your hands up so that I could see them" one of them ordered.

"Don't try anything funny" the other added.

Jack slowly made his way towards the men.

I in the mean time retreated back in the shadows.

I couldn't see them anymore.

I heard a sudden yelp which sounded suspiciously like Jackson's and I was tempted to peep. But for the first time in my life I saw or rather understood what he was doing.

He was trying to give himself up so that he could be with the other hostages.

He had left me with a gun and magazines knowing I would figure out what to do with they use them when the time came.

I wasn't sure I knew what to do or whether I was even worthy of jacks's trust.

He was putting his life on the line. There was no margin for error.

I heard another yelp. I could only imagine what they were doing to him.

And what I imagined wasn't pretty.

I sincerely hoped I was overtly imaginative.

To be continued

Ps you can all see the story is coming to a close. Thanks for all the positive feed backs. ! keep reviewing please!

I hope I haven't put off anyone.

Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

The dark knight in distress

I can't begin to tell you how it felt when one of the bastards shoved the butt of the gun in my stomach, knocking the wind out of me.

An involuntary grasped left me mouth as I felt on my knees.

Another thought it was a good idea to poke some more and hit me again. I fell this time, took a feral position writhing in pain.

He had the audacity to laugh.

laugh !

"get up you pansy boy. Let me see your pretty face" he smirked and kicked me again with his shoe.

I didn't give the pleasure of knowing how badly he had hurt me. I kept quiet chattering my teeth inwardly.

It seemed to anger him. He knelt down and grabbed my hair and pulled me up by the roots.

I gave a silent gasp as he continued to pull my hair even while I was standing.

He seemed to be satisfied somehow and grinned.

He had no idea what I would have done to him if we had met under different circumstances.

I got lost in some gruesome details of torture and mutilations.

Ahhh those were the days .

I was at my best.

And somehow these jokers thought hitting me in the stomach was a good idea.

It would be better if they got caught by the police I thought.

At least they would be alive.

The thought gave me a certain pleasure because I heard one of them saying

"what the hell are you smiling about? Are you crazy?"

"Lets see how much" the other one said before smacking me across my face, still holding me by my hair.

It was getting beyond irritating.

I was tempted to bite his hand to get kick out off seeing their surprise before I killed them with my bear hands but checked myself.

Instead I glared at him with my icy eyes which seemed to do the trick.

The man got a bit unnerved and turned towards his partner in crime.

"Lets take him to the floor below. This guy looks a loony to me"

"ok just check whether he has something on him"

"Like what? A gun? I don't think so" he laughed at his double meaning joke.

He started to pat me down, unnecessarily taking more time.

He came to my pockets and looked menacingly at me.

"Don't even think about it" I growled.

"Scared pretty boy? Wonder how long you would have survived in a prison cell. They would have eaten you alive." he laughed spitefully before continuing him with his search.

I had the greatest desire to kick him in his ass and just "him" exactly what I would have done to him but maybe later.

A few seconds later he was done. He looked at his partner and said gleefully

"as I said no gun"

He turned towards me , licking his lips in the most obvious manner.

"Ok enough with your fantasies. Lets go" the other goon reprimanded him.

"ok boss" he grabbed by lapel , pulled me up and brought me close to his face

"We aint done yet pretty boy."

Then grabbed my hair and started pulling me towards the exit.

I hope Lisa understood what her cue was.

To be continued

ps any guesses? :P :P :P

Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Coming to a close part 1

I saw them assaulting jack. And I saw the greedy look in that man's face. It made me uneasy.

I wasn't scared for jack. He could take care of himself. I just wondered what he would do to "them" if he ever saw them again.

I shuddered at the thought.

When I saw them pulling him away towards the exit I knew it was my cue.

I took a minute to make sure they had taken the stairs and followed then. I took my sandals off before doing so. I didn't want them to hear "my" footsteps.

They weren't far off. I could still hear them. They were just a floor below.

I drew out my gun this time and took my position.

I caught them dragging jack by the lapel into the big conference room and shutting the door behind them.

So this was where they were keeping the hostages.

Why? Aint they making themselves vulnerable by keeping their leverage safe here while some of them were downstairs holding the fort? I thought.

That's when it hit me.

The real bosses were downstairs. They intend on pretending to be hostages when the swat team blast through the door.

These men upstairs were expendable.

I looked abaut myself and made a decision.

I took out the phone and dialed.

"911 how may I help you"

"they are upstairs"

"excuse me"

"the hostages are upstairs. There are some goons downstairs pretending to be hostages"

"where are you"

"I am Outside the conference room. They are keeping the prisoners. And I am going in"

"no don't do that"

"I have given you their exact location. Its time you do your job. Now am going after my man" I hung up.

Suddenly I realized I had just referred to jack as my man. In spite of the situation I felt a hot flush reddening my face.

Someone grinned in my head.

"shit up"

"Here goes nothing" I said to myself as I tip toed towards the door gun in hand.

To be continued

p.s I know curiosity is killing you guys.. thanks… :D :D :D

there aren't many chapters left am afraid

Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Coming to a close part 2

I could never forget that sight. It still cracks me up. But at that point I was scared to death.

I was hurled into the conference room. It was a big room and pretty dark. There were about 50 people lined up against the wall, all sitting quietly, looking like death.

They forced me to sit down far away from them probably thinking they would make an example out of me.

I had barely sat down when the down opened with a huge bang and Lisa marched in, gun in her hand.

The two goons looked too surprised to react. There was a third one who tried to move but I swiftly kicked him and he fell falt on his face.

Someone screamed.

"don't move" I heard lisa say.

Good job liz ! 3 3 3

I quickly got up to my feet and kicked the gun away from the fallen man's reach and knocked him unconscious.

The two men looked stupefied.

Stupid sons of bitches

The city was in serious need of a better class of criminals: P: P: P

I slowly moved towards lisa . Gave her an appreciative look then turned towards them.

"what were you saying about guns? You see I have two. Would you like to see them" I asked them politely.

They didn't answer.

This time I hit him hard.

Blod began to roll down hs lips

"pansy boy huh?"I added giving him another taste of his own medicine.

I was about to give him one more when I heard a fire shot.

This time it was different. I heard the familiar warming given by the swat team like millions times before followed by the Miranda rights.

I then heard footsteps coming upstairs.

I looked at the goons unhappily then moved closer to Lisa.

The ordeal was over.

With it perhaps what we had.

To be continued

Ps thanks to everyone who stuck with the story till the very end.

Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Red eye 2: the quarry and the marauder

When fear takes flight

I looked at him clearly this time and saw the sadness.

The mad desire to kill me was long gone being replaced by a certain tenderness and longing.

But it made him a different man.

Was it the same Jackson rippner I felt attracted to on the red eye?

Or been obsessing about for the past two years?

Was I ready to let him go as yet.

I didn't.

I moved an inch closer to him while the cops took statements and whispered

"We aren't quite done yet pansy boy" and smiled

to be continued

Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Red eye 2 : the quarry and the marauder

Epilogue

"The passengers are requested to buckle their seatbelts. We would be taking off in 2 mins. Have a pleasant and safe flight. See you all in Miami" the captain's voice loomed via the black box as everyone at once started to buckle their seat belts.

I looked at my passenger sitting beside me. She had insisted on an aisle seat this time.

I leaned close to her face and said

"still scared lisa" smirking a little.

I couldn't help myself.

She looked at me sarcastically and replied truthfully

"ya.. I hate flying. Every time it takes one I feel I am going to fall" she looked pitifully cute.

"Don't be" I whispered and held her hands.

A few moments and many many many convincing later she opened her eyes.

The plane had taken off.

The stewardess came towards us with a tray in her hands

"drinks"

"sea breeze?" I asked , my eye brows arched up playfully

"bloody Mary would be fine" Lisa replied crisply.

" excuse me " I said getting up.

Then leaned forward and whispered inaudibly to lisa

"I am going to the bathroom. You are free to join me. Or is it off the table?"

lisa took a moment to reply

"With us jack" she drawled " its never going to be off the table"

She added , following me quietly behind.

The end

Ps thanks everyone for sticking with lisa and jack. I don't own them. But this is how I wanted them to be. Hoped you enjoyed reading the story as much as I loved writing it. Thanks everyone who reviewed it. I Am very grateful. I will be back with another story. Hope you will read them too.

Have you read my inception fanfic yet?

stalking the past

2010-11-25T08:03:00.000-08:00

I stalked you for a long time

Since we were ten

I would look at you from behind the windows

And from the shadows of the ill concealed dungeons

You would walk in I remember

The sunshine on your face

I would sit at my desk and wonder

How you black hair smelt

If I stroked your nape

Would it prickle?

Would you turn back and smile

Hold me and would our lips mingle?

Would it melt the world around us?

Hostile and judging?

Would it be exactly as I thought it would be?

Or turn out to be just imaginary?

I stalked you for a while now

You just don’t know yet

You look just the way you always did

A face I can’t forget

You might call me mad

The world insane

Just one more kiss I stole years ago

I ll still stalk you in the dark lanes …

remembering alicia ahern

2010-11-18T09:15:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I last saw alicia ahern. Its getting more difficult to recall her face . But there was something about her which had stopped me from totally forgetting who she was , funny cause all the while I had known her I never was remotely nice to her. Its funny , how you suddenly wake up one morning and recall trivial things about your past , then shudder . Things do become clearer in retrospect. Alicia ....alicia ahern . I went to high school with her. A long time ago. Venga boys hadn't broken up and harry potter was yet to born. AliciA Ahern. Its funny . Time has not changed me much. I don't think I would still pay any attention to the likes of her if I happened to come across them. But am not talking about the present am I? Alicia did made the perfect scape goat for all our teasings all our sarcasms and below the belt humor. Skinny , untidy alicia with thick locks of unwashed brown hair !!!!! Even her clothes made her look comical... Ill fitted denims with shirts too big for her. I wonder what stopped us from calling her a dyke. Luckily for her we did not know what that meant or implied. I was among the top 5 students of my class , pretty , popular. So were my friends. Did that give us a right to be nasty and judging ? I guess not. But we took it that it did . The object of our torment ? The ever favorite alicia ahern. We were pretty sure she was psychotic. Nothing she did or said ever made sense. People she hanged around with !!!!! I don't think she understood how much we meant to torture her with our sharp words. She was always too busy being the outcast to really care I guess . Why is it suddenly am talking about her ? Its a bright sunny morning, I can smell the roses . Why not talk about how charming it aLl looked ? Instead of talking about a half forgotten face. As I said sometimes you wake up in the morning in cold sweat , shiver a little , and realise even a perfect life like yours can get haunted by your past. Its difficult for you to believe cause you never thought you had anything to hide or be ashamed of. But unfortunately we don't realise we ll always carry sme baggage from the past that ll shape our present. Alicia. We never ever thought all the while we were tormenting her that she too must be carrying some sorta past which made her what she was. But then at 14 you only see the supercial. You don't see beyond looks and pocket money. She had neither in abundance. And wasn't particularly brainy. Oh come on !!! She would make perfect scapegoat anywhere in the world . Any high school. You name it and she ll be deemed a freak !! What I remember about her especially ? Its been so long . The memories are all but fading ! Its makes me wonder you know. How would we all react if we happened to meet ? I guess psychology plays a huge part. In a similar social situation , group dynamics too would be identical irrespective of time and space ! Which means probably we would still be mean to her 10 yrs later ! It would not really matter if she had made a name for herself . For us she will always be the freak . She probably wouldn't even glance at us. She never did . Even back then. And that use to frustrate us ! We have come a long way since our high school days. Most of us are settled well in our lives fairly happy and content. It seems almost improbable we would remember the details of a long forgotten classmate from days bygone . But here I am on this bright sunny morning of december , remebering alicia ahern !!! If you are waiting for a twist in the story I am sorry to disappoint. There are very few times when get to talk about nothing in particular . My reminiscences aint very productive, almost meaningless I guess . An ordinary woman, an ordinary recalling ordinary moments of a long gone past! Nothing more nothing else.

obsession with hallucination

2010-11-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

I know its just a passing phase I am going through

Its not real or even true

It’s a world within my world

Where am fixated on you

I wish to drown in the unreality of it all

Your blue eyes just take me there

I keep treading on the dreams I had last night

Hoping to see you stare

I can’t touch you I know

You are too far off

Somewhere lurking in my dreams

I want them to take off

Does not matter

If you are not real

If I reach out my hands

I know you will be there

I am living in my own chasm of universe

Where everything is my obsession

Who is to say what’s real what’s not

I know I will bring my own annihilation

Until then let me live

The way I have always done

You are my arch angel from beyond

Stay with me till I can imagine none

addicted to agony

2010-11-10T22:58:00.000-08:00

I looked in your eyes
I saw the hidden pain looming
You tried hard to hide I know
I could still still see the abyss
The hurt was real
the haunted look
Years and years of abuse
What effort it took
For you to smile again
To run away from your own presipice
The bottled up anger
The dry tears which went unnoticed
It took a whole night of bad dreams
For you to recover again
You chose to run
Somewhat blindly you know
Who else would you have met ?
But your nemesis
You came crying
Crushing into my arms
The comfort was real so was the warmth
I squeezed you hard
Rocking you back and forth
All along knowing
I will eventually break your heart
Its a pattern with me you see
I feed on the pain and agony
Innocents feel drawn towards me
But am completely devoid of empathy
I knew it all along
You will come to me
Try as You may
You will have to succumb eventually
The darkness will fall in
A total absence of light
Its better when am partly blind
Slowly. I can devor my .sad little quarry

confessions of a criminal mind

2010-11-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

What makes one human being different from another?? What defines them ? What makes up the mind of an individuAl ? Grey cells? Isn't there a difference between the mind and the brain? What truly defines who we really are? I heard there isn't anything callEd the xyy chromosome.noone is born a criminal. Then how exactly a criminal mind different from others ? Who am I ? I seek answers to these questions. Its why I do what I do . I am Dr joyce cannon and am a psychiatrist. One of the youngest my institution has seen .... And perhaps the best . I treat the criminally insane help them to have a closure. Why ? Its different, exciting. It challenging which ignites me but primarily because noone else will . To have homicial psychopaths in close proximity isn't everyones dream job. So here I am at The blackwell institute. Sounds ominous I know. But its not really. Once you get to know the staff and the rules. To be truthful even some of the inmates incercerated here seem saner than the jungle outside. Too bad Dsm3 and Dsm4 won't agreE with me. What exactly do I do here ? Let me assure you I don't plan intrigues with crime bosses to destroy the city. I certainly don't make fear toxin when am not treating patients. As you see I am more than aware of the similarity of my name with a certain infamous mad doctor . Again am nothing like him. Not quite. Patients come to me with their silences...... I let them have it . I don't interpret , interrupt. Because it had been my belief to let the people break it on their own terms. Silences can be unbearble for even someone who has nothing to say. I always get rewarded with something.... Incoherent mumblings at first .... Then they start to make a pattern. I don't interpret. I help their broken minds to understand what they are !I had been warned though ..... Knowing another person so well inside and out ..... It takes a toll on you ... When you know you can see their soul ...it gives you a certain sense of power .its intoxicating... You feel almost omnipotent. It forever changes you..especially when a patient starts his or her transference ..... You don't know what that means ? I am not surprised . Its a clinical term used by people like us !!!!! When a patient starts to trust someone else besides himself or herself ... When they shift some of their attributes to another person its called transference . More often than not its their psychologist . In this case me .

Has it changed me ? I don't know .. I am not my own shrink. Never needed one. But I do believe its better to take precaution than regret later !!! But then I was never been the one to follow rules ! Even my own!!!!

I still remember when I first laid my eyes on mathias. The dimly lit room had seemed suddenly extremely cold when they brought him in. Clad in white overalls , he looked like a living antithesis to the arch angel gabrielle. But he had magnetism. His cat like hazel eyes hid the secrets of its own. Once I saw that I knew I was in for big trouble. I was sane enough too see that immediately. But I was stupid enough to think just becuase his mind was broken he was pOwerless. How wrong he proved me. Now its late. When I look around myself , trying to find a key to all this .... Mathias would be it. Its not his fault though... He is not to be blamed .... Was it his fault that everything " the joker" did or said made perfectly sense to me ? It was not the poor sod's fault the world outside always felt more chaotic than the nerve wrecking silences of the institute. It was only a matter of time someone got through me .... Mathias did . Poor guy. I feel sorry for him. What perhaps started as a transferance has become a nightmare for him. Nightmare night terrors .... Who would believe in his stories anyway ? But he knows ... And knows it well. He is my only confidante ... Only secret keeper .... I remember telling him after my first .... I can still remember his expression... Shock ? Disbelief!? Fear? ?? I also remember feeling he knew I would do it again ... It just the beginning..... I donno who had transferred to whom now ... I really must find out .... I still have time .... Before .... Before ........................... As if you don't know !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a fractured mind , a battered self

2010-11-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

You never wondered how your life would have turned out if only you had made the right decision ? The right choices ? How different would have been all ? If only you could undo everything.... If only you could answer these questions.... If you never had to face them in the first place. My name is chris and this is my story .......

I guess I was never truly happy . Never quite satisfied. Why would I be ? I had a fairly well academic career and a job with prospects. I was living in the city and was able to afford a comfortable lifestyle. Not that am very immodest I was fairly attractive. Though not overtly sexy. Life was good to me.. But something was amiss... Something did not make sense .. I could not pin point at it ? My life was perfectly in order , everything added up

But the yang was missing to my yin factor .... My mundane life needed chaos . My well organized planned life needed a self destruction... And I had no idea how to go about it . I was too lucid for that. Too sane. I could not go seek out danger. I just waited for it to find me. And when it did I was not prepared. It was too late. I was far too gone to be saved. The only way was to get completely destroyed. Even now I don't have any regrets. An occasional wonderment perhaps. When am docile and lucid but do I feel regret ? No. I would not have chosen any other path than the one I chose....today I shall share my story... I feel like reliving my glory ... Or sadism ?

Living alone in a big city is no mean feat. Which one ? Does it matter ? They would have found me anywhere ... Time space continuum was inconsequel.

I lived alone. I was comfortable in my own skin. Very comfortable in h my own company. Sometimes I seemed like a stranger to even myself, my mirror appearEd to be someone else but who did not ? It felt good. Almost right. Scaring myself out of my wits. It added color to my life. Unknownest to myself I had begun to enjoy the trysts. Was I split into two ? Maybe ? Did I know then I was loosing it ? That I was a danger to myself and people around me ? I did.

Not that I was particularly bothered. I avoided people anyway. Who could I possibly hurt ? I had a world of my own. My very own. Where every thing was mine. My love ? My love loved me back . For the sake of normalCy I had created a facebook account with real and virtual friends. Little did I know the little obnoxious instrument to send junk to my boss and colleagues was to lead me to my ruin, my ultimate salvation!

Sometimes you do get everything you wished for ! Be careful about what you want !!!!!!

I was not a predator! Not even close... But somehow peaple e felt an unusual attachment towards me !! People let me in their deepest darkest secrets without meaning to , exposing themselves. I could see them even when they tried to hide and pretend. It was scary. They should known better than pouring out their griefs to a complete stranger! Perhaps they thought it was just as easy to befriend someone online as deleting them from their friends list. It was not! It was impossible to get away from me !! I knew it I knew how screwed their lives were and I indulged my sadism that way !!!! Little did I know when I looked into that abyss the abyss also looked back at me !!!! Which was just as well !!! I was not looking to escape from anything!

I had no wish to survive this! I wanted my nemesis . And just like me it was split in two.

I met maggie online. I never sent invites to anyone . But I accepted a few. I dunno what made her send me one. Maybe it was the long poem I had written in my profile which caught her attention? I accepted her friendship and willingly let her in through the door I never imagined existed . She seemed like the vulnerable girl everyone loved to hate . Born with a beauty so different it was enough to provoke envy in women ! I don't recall what drew me towards her we had nothing in common . Perhaps it was her ethereal beauty and brooding disposition which made me stay connected to her. She was eternally sad and I never felt the urge to exploit her story! That should have warned me but it did not

It was meant to happen I guess ! I never lied to her . I simply could not. She knew I had nothing to offer that I was incapable of feeling anything. At the same time I could not delude myself into believing that she meant nothing. Maggie...... Magdala

I was somehow connected to her enslaved

How much I tried I could not get away not that I particularly wanted too.... It was all in the virtual world right ? Or was that another lie too ? She meant nothing

Her face did not evoke anything in my cold heart ......

I could very well spend the life without thinking about her

But why did I wear her favorite perfume ? Why did the strong fragrance made me feel her being so close to me ? Holding and consoling me ? Why did I need consoling ? I was loosing it . I was stalking her without knowing without touching her , without actually doing it

Elusive that's what she used !!!!! I know now she was exactly what I hoped it would be ..... I did not know it then she was my nemesis

I felt myself dying and spiting inside !!!! But without knowing the reason and I was soon to find out why !!!!! Magdala magdala magdala I can scream and rant but even now I can't put her out of my mind . It sounds weird to the readers I know. Being clinically insane I am not suppose to have a mind !! Why am I suddenly so sane ? I wonder !!!!!!

I can't really blame her though . She never demanded anything from me. We never even met. She had told me time and again , I was free to leave . It was my perverse desire not to. The "elusive" stayed.

Is there anything called pure evil ? Perhaps it means action without any reason , moral ....

Was I an amoral person by definition ? I never had any opportunity to experiment. But I guess I would have been. I don't have it in me to repent. So yes perhaps I was amoral.

Zeralda !!! Ah funny flamboyant zerelda ! She was like blast of fresh air !! Have you ever had the opportunity to see the sunrise ? The first drop of her golden ray !

? Unadulterated and incorruptible ?

Zerelda ...... Years have flown , or is it decades ? Can't tell ! But it seems the same way each day ...

Zerelda worked at my work place though not in the same dept. Our paths never crossed and I did not even know she existed !!!

Scientists dismiss the idea of fate .. Many others too

Am was not one of them !

How could you then possibly explain our first encounter at a mall nearby and then finding out we both worked at the same place ? Imagine my surprise ! I had been working at the firm for 7 years but never ran into her , yet we did meet at worlds unlikeliest of places !!! I was never a shopoholic !!!!

Zerelda .... The thing about her was you never knew when she was being serious And when she was not ! On one occasion she would profess her love to you , the very next burst out laughing . You simply did not know where you stood with her. It was perhaps her unpredictability which drew me towards her. She added the funk which I myself lacked in my life.

Brooding cynical introvert crazy ... I was all of those things but I particularly lacked humor in my life and she filled that void.

Was the nature of our relationship ? Was there any real emotions lurking somewhere ? If at all y ?

I felt there was more to her jokes than that appeared . It was scary. When she held me , or touched my arms it felt real . And I was not ready to be part of anything real ! I could not detach myself . I was extremely clear from the beginning . I was not looking for a mate what was I doing with them then ? Oh no it is not a typo. I had fraternity zeralda. But I was never able to let maggie go. It killed me. They both made me feel I was betraying the other even though I never actually courted them. Either of them. But maggie and I both knew what we had was more than friendship. As for zeralda , I could not think of my life without her at that point. My mind was fractured and heart split in two. I tried to rationalize the situation by reading a lot of books by paulo coelho and plato on multiple soul mates but I knew I was kidding myself. I was in a mess. I had put two more people in a mess . I had no right to do so.

Its ironic. My life was always been so ordered. Some even called me obsessive compulsive , but now it was in total chaos.

Yang had met the yin !!!!!

I was aware of the impending doom . After all It was exactly what I wanted . Hoped.

Did not I crave for a disaster of some sort ? Was there an escape ? Could be ! But I wasn't looking for one !

There was none.

I was not overtly romantic you see ... I had no patience for keats or shelly. But oddly I liked the haunting lyrical tale of the listeners !!!

To come all the way just to keep a promise was the epitome of romanticism . Somehow somewhere at the back of my fractured mind I found the idea very appealing.

I was being torn apart, my long wait was over. The nemesis had found me. But like everything in life it was unexpected. One was the darkness of the night , where I learnt to come to terns with myself my own idiosyncrasies . The other was the sunshine which lit up the barn , helped the roses to blossom in december. Conflicting oxymoron , yang and yin.

What do you do when you can't decide ? You can't choose ? Day with comes with the night . Order with chaos. You accept you are stuck. You can't go anywhere.

It was a destiny I chose to accept. It lead me to where I am now.

Maggie magdala .... Zerelda

I was always honest with them both . It was time for me to be honest with myself. I was hopelessly in love , my heart forever belonged to them. It was only fair they should get to see how I felt , but there was only one way of doing it right. Too bad it involved a lot of blood and gore. I really thought I had been careful . I had not realized my neighbor was and always had been suspicious of me. Meddlesome jackenapes. I had made it through the chest when I heard the door opening .... It was all over in a few minutes

I could not tell them why I did what I did. They had already assumed the worst. The court refused to let me see maggie and zeralda. Thought I was a danger to them

Since my incarceration I have wondered what I would done differenly ? Answer is nothing .

Maybe that's why they call me insane.

cecelia

2010-07-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

she came to the city penniless, trying to live on her own, her parents both self made were proud of her decision.

she at 18 , was naive but patient was determined to find work. she began at the bottom, getting a job at a local deli. it did not pay much but it kept her going and made her more determined than ever. in this fast developing and evolving world there was a place for everyone.... if one would just exert oneself ...

her name was Alex Hayley Prozenski.

at 18 none not even Alex herself could predict her future.. but what did happen .. it changed her life forever !!!!

she worked her way up. it took time.. but she was not in a hurry. she knew it was essential to get a proper degree to make it big in life .. but her parents could not afford to pay for her college education ..but then she was a proud girl herself .. she would not have taken it even if they had ...

taking another job as a book store clerk ..she began to save up for community college... it was cheaper .. and she could always get a scholarship ..if she did well ..could not she ?

it took her 3 years to save enough to put her through community college..

st James community college ...

she did not quit her two jobs.. it was difficult .. working and studying ..full time ... but then she was not ordinary ...

st James changed her life in more ways than one..

she excelled in academics.. she had to .. there was a scholarship for ace students and she had every intention of winning it ...

but it also brought something else in focus.. quite accidentally ...

each year the students required to put up a play or a musical to raise funds for a cause... and Alex was made the prompter of a play ...

11 minutes by Paulo coelho ..

but the day the play was scheduled to open the lead actress went down with a bad case of influenza .. and the understudy had a stage fright ..

the whole crew was in a mess ..when someone mentioned that as a prompter Alex knew all the lines.. she should go on the stage ...

unwillingly but pressurized by her peers to save the day she went on stage to act as a prostitute in front of a fairly large crowd for the first time...

the crowd went numb.. almost silent for a few seconds after the final act ... and then burst into a applause .. and she knew

she belonged !!!!!

graduating from community college with exceptional scores she also bagged the scholarship to everton university .. she decided to major in criminal psychology .. something so different from the creative spurt everyone had noticed in her ..that they were astonished...

she never revealed the reason why ... !!!!

she continued to act in community theater .. and her school plays ... she kept that side of her life in a water tight compartment.. like she was split into two personalities... and and she intended to keep it that way ...

things went pretty smoothly for her academically ... completing her college she did her PhD in 3 years and soon got assimilated in the university's faculty. she was 29 then .

meeting lance carnegie was could be called an accident ..or god's premeditated plan ..depending on one's personal belief ... he was a indie film maker looking for a fresh face ... he happened to visit visit his old friend at the local theater where Alex was rehearsing her play .. he instantly liked what he saw.. and asked her to give an audition ... Alex felt film was not the medium for her..she needed to interact with her audience... but there is something about the visual media.. something addictive.. you cant ignore.. so Alex went ... she was asked to play a deaf and mute girl ... and was given an hour to learn a 3 signs ...

2 days later ..she got the job ....

she took a leave for a month from school ... telling them she would reprise her role as a faculty member ...

she was a new comer on the sets and she knew it .. but she requested one thing.. her real name should not revealed... she ll always go under a different screen name ... and different look ..

that day ... Rachel James was born .. an amalgam of two names.. her best friend's and her school's ...

!!!!!!

Rachel James shot to fame with her first movie . it was a difficult role to begin with but Rachel brought so much authenticity and humanity in it that made the character an immortal one

it would be years before anyone attempted to play a character like that again ..

the doors to the movie industry opened up for her.. and she kept getting big offers and work .. in spite of the limelight and instant stardom she managed to keep grounded , lay low and keep her personal life out of the public eye. she was very protective of her other persona..ALEX... and guarded her jealously !!!!

she knew two things .. she would never move to the movie capital .. she just would not be able to work there ...

and secondly she must hold her own .. she must remain "ALEX" never forget who she really was..

a lot of speculations developed around Rachel as soon as she rose to stardom .. since she was not seen with anyone ... on or off ... it was easy to question her sexual preference ....

she never made any kind of statements whatsoever to that .. neither conforming or denying anything ..

for the all she cared she was asexual ...

it was easier as Alex ...

no one bothered about her private life... and it suited her well ... she had enough going on in her life without people asking too many questions..

it was perhaps fate ..providence once again which brought Alex face to face with Cecilia..

how they met ? it was a pretty ordinary story ...

what followed next ..changed their lives forever...

Alex loved everything about seminars except the parties afterward. the drinks the booze the intellectual snobbery was not her of tea. she always made herself scarce afterwards , returning home as soon as possible.

this particular night however she found she had missed her the last tube and the next one was not available till morning.

she had no intention of going back to the "parte" so she chose to roam the nighs alone for a while before she returned to the station's waiting room ..

it was a cold night ... A soft drizzle of snow had begun to appear ... the skid marks on the on the roads and the emptiness added a mystery to the otherwise dreary December night.. the Christmas lights were not up yet and the shops looked empty ...

she loitered for an hour or so when she noticed a bookstore on the other side of the road ..she was surprised to find it open at an hour so late ... but she was glad it was and she walked in ...

it was a fairly large store .. but almost deserted .. she could not see anyone inside ... and that should have crept her out .. but the smell of good books.. the greed ..lured her in and she began to browse through them without giving a second thought ...

she did not know how long she had been reading when someone spoke something ...in a very far off voice ...

she was startled and looked up ..

and there she was.standing right there.. in front of her ... its not easy to describe her...

a tall slim ..... woman in her twenties... blonde .. with

exceptionally blue.. almost colorless ... eyes.. which made her look even more distinguished..she did not fall in the category of beautiful or pretty ..or handsome...

but illuminated a charm ,which was instantly likable ... and high cheek bones ... a photographer's dream !!!!

alex must have been staring at her for a long time .. the woman suddenly smiled ... it brought her back from a very weird reverie.. she instantly apologized and asked her if she needed anything .. a help maybe?

she stared at Alex's pile of books .. and asked her to help her to chose a book for a friend of hers..

since she was into books herself..she was clueless...

alex was all too eager to help this stranger.. maybe it was the bookworm in her.. who knew books more than anyone else..

or there was something else she could not understand at that time..

she spent half an hour chatting about books with this girl .. finally choosing the notebook for her ... she was so engrossed that she had not noticed the goth cash counter girl coming in through the back door...

they paid their bills and walked into the night. still together...

outside on boulevard the girl stopped and turned towards her ... her eyes sparkling with an odd excitement.. like she was expecting something .. she was fey ...

yet she was hesitant when she asked Alex her name ...

and when she introduced herself .. Cecilia ... " the blind one "

how appropriate !!!!!!!

Alex was somewhere in between understanding whats going on and being totally clueless ... she felt the exhilaration .. an adrenaline rush ... which she could not quite explain ... she was looking into the abyss of Cecilia's blue eyes .. which was staring back at her ... and silently asking the questions which she was afraid to ask herself ... she felt she was in a daze .. and was not quite sure when she agreed to meet up with Cecilia the next day ..it was so unlike her.. so out of character ...

she did not have time for a social life ... thats why she never made hollow promises to friends ...

but somewhere in her heart she knew this time she will keep her word ... nothing could stop her from doing just that ...

tomorrow was going to be an interesting day .. and yes .... tomorrow would certainly come ...

it took her more than a hour to reach the boutique where Cecilia worked ... she was terrified at the thought of being late... again a feeling new to her ...

the place looked oddly familiar to her ... like she was here before... a feeling of deja vu overwhelmed her.. but she could not trace her memory .... the rhododendrons smelts fresh ..she had somehow smelt them before .... the gates that opened up in the broad suburban road .. it had welcomed her before.. when was it ? why could not she remember?

she had a eidetic memory .. but everything felt so confusing ...

was it a half forgotten dream ? why was her memory playing tricks on her ?

she walked in through the French windows wondering if she was finally losing her mind !!!!!!

Cecilia was attending to a client when she noticed a shadow on the doorway .. and she instantly knew ... she looked at Alex as came in , looking suave and elegant in her black sequined dress ... Cecilia did not hold a breath as it was customary in love stories you see...

her face broke out in a knowing smile.. like she had always known Alex would walk in through that door one day !!!

Alex reacted immediately to her .. shying away a little... wondering why she was so eager to keep her appointment... why was she drawn towards this stranger from the night before .. stranger she really had nothing in common with ....

thats how it all began .. a simple coffee and a tour of Cecilia's boutique which she owned ... they both realized that they could not break away from the spell ... cause it certainly was... something unexplained ..something surreal ...

they met up every day since then ... after work .. sometimes stealing moments even when they were busy ... they felt like naughty teen agers again ...

14th august .......

Alex did not know what was it that made her feel this way ... or when exactly it happened ... she had never been there before... but one thing was clear to her.. she was falling in love with Cecilia ... every bit of her... the way she walked , the way she smiled , the little foreign lilt in her voice , the way she when cursed some one got out of line.. the long fingers on her hands .. the hands that drove her safely home each night... and it scared her ...

she had devoted her entire life to being two different people and had been successfully done so ... but now ... things ..were different ...

Alex was in love with Cecelia ... but what about Rachel ? she could not tell Cecilia she was Rachel James .. but she could not lie to her either...

and if someone asked Rachel whether she was seeing anyone what was she suppose to say ? she knew in her heart she was not single... but it was Alex who was dating Cecilia.. not Rachel.. but then they were not really two different people.. were they?

15th august 2010

Cecilia had a secret... she did not know how to deal with that ... it did not help that she was irrevocably in love ... all her life she waited for this bliss, knowing it came with heart breaks too ... but it was worth it ..or so she thought..

now she was in a mess ... she was torn apart by the fear of losing her .. she knew if the truth ever came out Alex would walk out .. who would not ?

but she could not possibly lie to her longer than is necessary... but a greed took a grip on her heart .. just a few more days.. a few moments to capture everything that had together ... maybe it wont hurt that much when Alex walked out on her , without giving her a second glance ...

just maybe !!!!!

18th august

it was not gonna happen.. why was she kidding herself ? she needed to get it over and done with .. maybe it will hurt less ? why prolonging the inevitable ? when she knew very well what would be the outcome ?

perhaps it was just her perverse sadism which was making her hurt herself like that ... she could not stop .. she found the pain meditative ..

20th august

" I kept the little things

The ones you once touched

The pen the notebook the stamps

The movies you used to watch

I kept the touches of your skin

All over my own

The chanel no 5

Your favorite perfume

I smell my wrists

I can see you there

Standing and smiling

Luring me with you icy blue stare

I kept the mirror you cracked

Bursting with rage

I sometimes use the broken glass to cut myself

To have a taste of you in my sweet tasting ache

I look around my room

Its still stuck in time

I kept the old poster you bought me

I cry myself to sleep each night

I half expect you to come

To hold me in your arms

Snuggle up to your chest

Bury my face in there

I kept the hope alive

That you are here somewhere lurking

I kept the Swiss knife you gave me

The blade will take me there"

Cecilia dropped her pen unable to write anything else. she looked at the diary with both disdain and affection. it surely had seen better days , but it has been with her for so many years .. recorded her life without complaint and with secrecy. her deepest fears and harshest secrets were safe ... Cecilia looked at the words in scorn ... felt like tearing the page up..as if they were making fun of her . but she knew it was not so .. and she needed to pull herself together.

she cant let herself live in fear anymore... or live a lie.. she must confront Alex . tell her ... whatever the outcome .. she must follow the pattern !!!!

21st august

Alex felt something was up with Cecilia but she could fathom what. she could see an unusual anxiety , a nervousness eating Cecilia up. she seemed to be very distant at times and too clingy on other occasions.

it was all too much for Alex to handle. she was having trouble of her own. there were times she contemplated telling Cecilia about Rachel. but she always found herself backing out the last moment.

she tried to convince herself to believe it was all for the best. but she knew in her heart she was being selfish. not that she was ever eager to be in the tabloids and be a part of the media circus. but she simply was not ready to discuss her " alternative life style " with anyone. she knew it was only a matter of time before it came out. that terrified her.

23rd august 2010

Cecilia was tormenting herself. she could not find the courage to do what was required. torn between her desire to be honest and being with the girl she loved , she began to have nightmares that wont go away when she woke up.

24th august

she knew she had to do something, soon . the guilt was eating her up. she knew she had not done anything wrong. hell they were not even sleeping together yet .. but there was a strong connection between them and both of them felt it, something more powerful than love.

it was gonna be 3 months. its weird. consummating their relationship had not even entered their minds. there was something aesthetic about the way they felt... sometimes violently sexual, sometimes .... almost platonic...it was beyond their comprehension , and as a writer so is mine.

30th august

Cecelia made up her mind. she had to tell her . it was either now or never. though " never " seemed like a pretty easy way out , but things dont work that way and Cecelia knew she now has to do whats necessary.

everything has to be perfect ... a perfect day ... and amazing date .. a sunset and a gentle breeze .. candles maybe ? incense burning ... bob Dylan singing with a forlorn melancholy.. it has to be that way... a perfect end to a fairy tale ...

it was so ironic ... Alex was like the sleeping beauty .. . Cecelia an unlikely knight ... but her truth will wake Alex up ... bring her back to her reality .. from the deep sleep ... the reality in which it was no longer possible for them to be together.

but the prince must yield ... kiss the princess.. and Cecelia needed her catharsis ... !!!!!!! it was predestined !!!!!!

1st September

Alex was a bit surprised when she got the call from Cecelia in the middle of the day. she never called while she was at work !!!!

it unsettled Alex a bit. anything out of the ordinary perturbed her already disturbed mind. having an alias for so long was taking its toll on her. it was getting difficult for her to keep her grip on things ... to distinguish between what was real and what was not ...

for that she needed to stick with a normal day to day routine.... anything out of the ordinary and she knew she will snap ...

Cecelia of course was not aware of this..

she had to pretend everything was okay .. she had to act nonchalant Alex thought easier said than done !!!!!

3rd September

the scene was almost perfect. Cecelia had planned it well . a heart breaking send off .. !!!

the evening at the beach , the home cooked meals . the music of the wondering souls , seas splashing into the horizon . and endless night waiting ...

18th October

alex was quite surprised when cecelia requested to go on an evening stroll after dinner.. it was not like her... cecelia always sat down on the beach ... staring at the horizon beyond... she always went into a limbo after the sunset... always sining in a surreal world of her own .. where even alex felt like an intruder ....

alex felt a kind of alarm which she could not explain..

something was not going according to the plan.. something was out of place.. something was different... and she did not like it.. she did not like change of any sort.. and in her heart she just knew everything will !!!!

cecelia took alex's hands as she walked down the beach ..one last time.. suddenly she felt a hysterical need to laugh out loud... walking down the beach.. walking down the aisle.. so ironical... so comical.. so darn heartbreaking !!!

the sun had gone down a long time ago ... they were enveloped by a golden efflorescence ... the darkness loomed somewhere close.. minutes away from announcing it arrival ... she could almost see the stars ... looking down ... upon her.. maybe with pity ?

she could not stall it any longer ... she stopped in her tracks... and looked straight in alex's eyes...

alex jumped at the touch... almost surpassing the urge to run. she looked at cecelia... her heart froze... a chill went down her spine... suddenly she became aware there was not anyone else in sight... they were all alone.. she was all alone with a stranger... a stranger.. a stranger...

alex felt her mind giving up on her finally .. cecelia was not a stranger... why was she suddenly so scared ? why was she wondering about the possibility of a hidden danger ? maybe it was because cecelia looked like a diffrent person all together? her baby blues looked different? they were completely opaque now... totally devoid of any emotion of any kind.. it seemed they were not human any more... how could it possibly be ? alex thought ... the cecelia she had known and loved was the most tender hearted and vulnerable... who was this standing beside her now.. holding her arms with a death grip ?

cecelia was fully aware of the change... she knew she was frightening alex .. but she could not help it... cecelia felt her soul was dying... everything got reflected in the face... the eyes... she did not feel human anymore... how could her face and gait appear human then ?

she looked at alex once again ... her entire life flashed before her eyes... it was so cliched... she thought... one was supposed to see their life flashing before their eyes when they face death...

but she was not.. it was not death who was looking at her with terrified eyes... now was it ?

alex could not take it any more... she felt fey ... unlike feeling something jubilant was going to happen.. she had a sense of foreboding ... she knew something was going to end... something .. somewhere ...

cecelia could not really remember when she had started talking .. she could not remember anything she said... years later she still was unable to remember what exactly had she said to alex... only thing she did remember was alex's face.. which had transformed a zillion times... and the reaction that followed her confession !!!!!

the last and the final chapter

she could still remember

the reaction she got from alex it had surprised her... what ever she expected she certainly did not expect a smile.. a knowing smile...

not a pitiful one.. an amused one... almost humorous.. comical...

it made her uneasy.. almost angry ... she wanted to scream out loud.. shake alex by her shoulder.. but she just stood there... frozen on the spot...

waiting for that silent laughter in alex's eyes to die down...

it had died down eventually followed by an eerie silence... when alex made another revelation ... she had always known... always known what cecelia had been hiding all along... she had known cecelia was a " man and not a woman "

and she did not care... she knew Cecelia would tell her one day.. when she was ready..

but it would be on her own terms ... nothing forced.. nothing coercive..

cecelia did not have a word to say.. she could not even bring herself to ask how she knew.. when ???

the world had seemed to stand still... the only thing mattered was it did not matter to alex...

and that was all cecelia needed ... the world had perhaps made up for all the injustices and unfairness...

as long as she had alex .. nothing mattered...

alex felt an exhilaration ... an adrenaline rush when cecelia told her story.. but it made her panicky too.. she knew it was perhaps time to reveal who she was to cecelia as well.. it was only fair...

but she was scared.. her secret was too big.. could she trust Cecelia enough to keep her secret ? to see her the same way ?

would it change it all? Rachel was a different person.. but not quite...

how will that change their relationship ?

but something in her was killing her.. one hear beat at a time.. she had to reveal herself... or else she knew she would die...

unlike herself Cecelia was truly and purely petrified when she heard... not because alex had a secret of her own.. everyone did..

but the fact she was indeed rachel made her see what alex had known but had chosen to ignore...

alex and rachel were too distinct personalities... two people..

but they could not separated in water tight compartments...

it was not " hannah montana "

it was more of an alter ego ... diffident... yet the same ..

how would Rachel explain to the public .. her " fans " that she was dating a cross dresser ?

Cecelia knew Alex would be at her side.. defending and protecting her... but rachel was after all a celebrity ... and they all had to conform to the norms at some point...

how many celebrities have you seen coming out of the closet? let alone revealing they were dating transvestites ?

Cecelia knew in her heart she ought to adopt her alter ego cedric... she had not been cedric for a very long time.. as far as she could remember .. ever...

but she also knew alex would not allow that.. allow her to change or be anyone else for her sake...

but it would kill her from within...

alex was so very uncomfortable in situations she could not control ...

there was only one way.. one option..

there was no escape...

alex was aware of the emptiness in the bed that night... and she knew it in her heart it was going to last forever... but she let the shadows fade in the darkness of the night.. willingly .... she could almost sense the perfume slowing fading away.. but she just lay in her bed.. waiting for it to disappear for ever...

she could have stopped cecelia from leaving.. grabbed her wheile she she tried to sneak out alone never to return again.. but she did not...

she did not want to .... she knew there was any other way ... there was no respite to the agony...

she could control one sitaution.. so be it.. did not matter if the pain was real...too unbearable...

it was to a hell of her own choosing ...

just like the life she had created for herself... she would be too happy to create her own personal prison cell ... reliving the memories over and over again ..dying each day ...

as for cecelia... she was never real.. never had been... why cry over something that was not there in the first place ?

let the will o wasp fade

fade

fade in the same darkness which had once brought the enigma home...

the enigma.. Cecelia...

fading in the shadows of the alleys... receding in the recess of the mind ...

if only all of this denial was actually true !!!!!

the end

note from the author

2010-07-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

a forbidden love story is by far my most time consuming work and perhaps most daring. it took me 2 weeks to complete it. i have written it in 2o parts.. instead of chapters. i wanted to keep your interest growing.. and the suspense in tact.

i hope you liked what you read.. and hope it was not boring or too long.

its not easy to publish a book .. so blogging is a great way to express our creativity.

i hope you would all read it and leave encouraging comments. even if you dont like it.. do leave the comments so that i can improve myself in the near future.

am currently toying with an idea. hope to start writing soon...

with love

amrita sengupta

a forbidden love story

2010-07-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

some stories are meant to be epics. some stories create myths. some remain legends till the end and some survive the onslaught of time.

and then there are some stories which are short lived maybe but it does not mean they are any less filled with love.

this is the story of marc callahan , this is the story of isabelle dawson , this is the story of james mcdean

and this is a story of an unending love .

a love which was never recognized by the world. a love which remained forbidden...

a love which refused to die ... even after death

part 1

Marc and belle were a happy couple. he was a surgeon . she was a painter living in their own haven on outskirts of the city.

they had met at a art gallery where belle's painting were being showcased. the tall lanky blonde doctor fell in love with the painting first. he fantasized about the hands which created that unique piece for days.. and eventually mastered up the courage to seek out the artist . the dark unassuming belle was not what he had expected .. but he asked her out on a date anyway ...

that night in December.. changed it all ... the long walk in the snow drenched street ended up in a longer walk down the aisle ...

they had known each other for only 6 months.

part 2

the 6 months of their courtship had been the happiest days of their lives. they learnt to come out of their comfort zone. they brought spontaneity in their relationship, a thing they never believed they had. the hassles of day to day life, the fast pace and the cut throat competition ... they wanted to get away from the madding crowd..

they brought a surreal melodrama in their otherwise mundane life style ...

their marriage was nothing but a reflection of that.

they kept the mystery alive even after marriage. there were times when they felt like strangers ...

but suddenly he would smile ... and everything would dissolve around them ... the smile lighting up the barn ... or she would hold him tightly in her arms... a sure sign of her vulnerability ... the enigma would seem almost as necessary as openness to them ...

late in the night she would get up .. and move with a clumsy grace towards her studio ... to recreate something on the canvass ... refusing to let him see it until it was done ...

it will turn out to be just a tree drawn in deep shadows ... but mesmerizing the onlooker nonetheless...

she was no Michael Angelo ... her art was not 21st renaissance ... a simple work .. reflecting who she was... and Marc was ready to fall in love with her every day like that ....

part 3

the days seemed to fly ... like a breeze ... at times life seemed to stand still ... both at the same time..

Marc and belle knew how idiosyncratic it was ..so very contradictory .. they marveled at this fact .. oh how many quiet afternoons they spent together looking at the sunset .. musing at the simplicity of their lives... yet so extraordinary ...

the salty smell of the sea .. the chill of its water.. nights that seemed years long ... the stars which promised them gaiety and the security of each other's arms ... a future together...

nothing out of the box ... nothing unusual ... dreams that were quite realistic..

for them it was part of a dream within a dream ... where nothing was real .. nothing was an illusion !!!!!

part 4

belle died as she had lived ... always living on the edge taking risks.. always enveloping herself with her very own security blanket .. her belief in destiny and togetherness ... it had made her go out with marc ..it had made her to says yes when he proposed.. even when she knew virtually nothing about him .. he remained an enigma .. she kept up the facade ....

she died just like she lived.. without making a mess..without a fuss.. but leaving a long lists of questions unanswered ... and a mystery

at 29 she died peacefully in her sleep ... still smiling at a quiet Joke with god ... 3 days short of her 30th birthday ...

part 5

Marc did not know how he felt about her death ...

should he miss her quiet company ?

cry his eyes out ? what was it he was suppose to feel ? how could he define what was going through his mind ?

a hollowness that swallowed him every single waking hour ?

or the fantasies he had in his sleep ? standing on the edge of the creek .. waters splashing underneath .. just one step away from belle ? it was not easy .. no not indeed ...

he went about his business just the same .. like he had done everyday before her death .. he ate his breakfast on time.. saw his patients.. operated on them successfully ... reassured their family ... all the while avoiding the pitiful gaze of his neighbors... he shut himself in his study after work .. refused to see anyone ... and spent hours at the beach .. reminiscent of the past ... brooding over a future they will never have... his neighbors approved his silent mourning .. his grace in handling grief ... no one having a slightest clue .. it was not Marc standing there ... just a hollow shell ..masquerading as human ...

part 6

James mcdean wanted to wait for belle to return from Paris .. she was on a art scholarship to Louvre museum .. a course that was to last 4 semesters and 2 years of their lives .. but belle was obdurate ... adamant ... long distance relationships never worked.. she argued.. at one point they would begin to suspect each other.. and besides she was going to Paris.. the most romantic city in the world .... so ....

it was better to part their ways on good terms... so that they could recall memories of their relationship with a fondness...

it was a relationship ... no doubt about that ... not like the one she had with Marc..

James felt like a boss-am friend to her... she could share her deepest secret and most embarrassing memories with him ...

when they made love it seemed like a game ... giggling and laughing like two adolescent school kids .. they had shared everything but her make up ... which James simply refused to put on even playfully !!!!

it was heartbreaking for James to see her walk away from him ... towards another continent without a second glance.. which was not surprising... belle never second guessed herself ... not when she decided to date the destitute scotch immigrant against the wishes of her mother.. not no when she decided to call it off ... she loved him a ferocity ... a childish innocence ...

she left him with the brutality of her youth ...

part 7

it was a long time ago ... James never saw her again ... she disappeared into the abyss of his subconscious .. a sharp ticking pain in his chest was the only reminder of her existence in his life...

maybe it was fate .. maybe it was meant to be.. he was being transferred to London ..

what made him to call her number he could not fathom ... maybe he wanted to hear her voice one last time before he left the country forever.. there was nothing in it to hold him anyway ....

unlike Marc he reacted immediately when her mother told him about belle's death ...

he decided to console the grieving husband of the woman .. they both loved..

thats when he took the journey that was to change his life irrevocably ... !!!!

part 8

it was a dull winter afternoon when the stranger arrived at the callahan household... it was already dark .. it hid the long shadows cast by the man who knocked quietly at the elegant home on the ivies street ...

the house keeper .. elderly and evidently foreign answered the door and ushered him in ... informing him the master was not home yet ... he could wait in the study if he liked...

James quietly accepted her offer ... perching on an old fashioned arm chair in a big wooden study ... he looked at the fire burning in the fire place.. waiting for the man who was lucky enough to have belle in his life.. yet unlucky to see her leave.. just like he had.. years and years ago ..

that created a unseen bond with him .. James felt it .. without wanting to.. without meaning to ...

part 9

Marc was too tired to argue with his elderly housekeeper ... she knew very well he did not want to see anyone .. but one could send a visitor away on a dreadful evening like that she protested ... so he gave in .. dreading the meeting with the unknown stranger ....

part 10

James immediately stood up as the door opened and Marc walked in ... he was not quite what James had expected ... in fact he did not know what to expect at all ... Marc was good looking in his own conventional way ... unlike James who was blonde with Slavic features ... taking after his mother ...

James immediately felt a pang of regret ..

how was he suppose to introduce himself ?

as belle's friend ?

or former lover ?

it was not the best time to mention that .. but anything short of truth would mean debasing the memory of belle ...

Marc made it easy for him ... he took his hands shook it and said

" we share the same grief "

James did not know what to say .. or how Marc had discovered the truth ... he did not realize it was all but evident in his eyes.. that he was hurting .. and it was not just platonic.. he was still in love with belle.. even after death ...

Marc felt the same bond too .. again without wanting to .. without meaning to !!!!!

part 11

Marc was not sure how he knew this .. how he knew the man standing in front of him had once loved belle like he had.. known her ... James... the name belle never mentioned ... but looking at those clear blue eyes... and it was evident ... it held the same mystery .. the same playful secrecy belle had ...

Marc was too smart not to notice this unreal ..uncanny similarity ...

there was something about James... not exactly sexual .. something that was appealing ... that brought belle close to him .. she had it too ... Marc felt that magnetism ... that brought them together..maybe years ago ? he did not know ...

but it would be difficult to break free ... he was treading down a dangerous path .. and he knew it ..

but he could not stop it ...

part 12

it was a crazy night ... the thunderstorms seemed to wreck the place ... and it was almost inconceivable to think of driving so late in the night .. it was partly because of this reason Marc asked james to stay the night ...

its not that they were really very comfortable with each other...

a doomed silence had accompanied them once they had introduced themselves..

Marc did not know where to begin ... James unable to find words ... to express himself ... oratory never been his strong point ...

somehow silence gave them enough opportunity to study each other ...

not merely to judge .. but to see what the other had which belle had found so attractive...

they reminisced with a absurd perversity ...

a night stay in Marc's house was not what James had in mind... he could have driven away .. thunderstorm or not ... but he could not refuse... not out of politeness ... but something he could not himself fathom ... an odd feeling ... that he ought to run away when he had the chance .. but he must stay till the end ... what ever it was !!!!!!

part 13

the morning brought more grave news for James ... the thunder storm had blocked all the roads .. he had no way of leaving the house even if he wanted to ...

not that he particularly did ... he could not sleep well last night ... after tossing and turning in an unfamiliar bed for hours he had fallen into an uneasy slumber ... where he had began to dream ...

a beach ... he was walking on the golden sands ... into the sunset. alone .. towards something ... he felt it .. but he could not see ... suddenly the dream changed .. an ashen faced belle appeared crying out .. maybe for help ?

he tried to reach out to her .. and suddenly it dissolved into an emptiness.. and he had woken up in cold sweat to a colder and gloomier morning !!!!!

part 14

for Marc it was a bizarre experience .

he could see the intensity that drove belle towards james .. once upon a time .. but he could actually see the softer side .. a vulnerability that he had seen in belle.. they were so similar in some odd ways...

it was almost funny to watch him ... his taste in food .. the tunes on his ipod ... it reminded him of something .. half forgotten ... something hidden away in the corners of mind.. valuable .. but painful ...

yes in some very weird ways.. belle lived on in james' persona.. and it scared Marc ...

to be continued

part 15

james knew what marc was doing .. he was trying to recreate something that was not quite there .. he was trying to make him a surrogate of belle ... he was aware how familiar he was with belle's life ..her temper ..he was the key to all that ... and in some ways he was himself so absurdly like her.... he could not help but notice they even had the same dimple on their chin.. same lilt in their voices..

he was aware what peril was putting himself to .. being remaining so dangerously close in proximity of Marc...

he did not need to stay a day longer but marc had insisted ... and he could not say no ...

it was weird ..he was surprised to find himself using the term dangerous so many times int past few days...

there was nothing menacing about marc ... he was an attractive fellow

.. not unassuming. .. but he was not the dark stranger who reeked of danger ...

but somehow he felt the danger was very close to him .. it was closing in on him like a surreal impossibility ... a shooting pain up and down his chest ... a hollowness inside ... and a desire to see it through ...

he was determined to see where the danger lay .. and he was going to find out why ... and for that ..he was willing to take any risk possible... anything at all ...

after all .. death comes only at the end !!!!!

part 16

it was as if it was meant to be ..

they grew closer as it can be...

no one knew how this happened or when or why

it became as part of their reality ...

every morn james would decide to leave .. and pack his things in a blurred hurry .. then ...

he would look around in his guest room and stop in his tracks.. and trace his steps back to the dressing table.. he would slowly pick up the things scattered there... marc's ... and smell the shaving lotion ... left intentionally ...

all this happened beyond their dreams .. comprehension .. something no one could foresee

James would always remember their first ...

it was a few weeks after belle's funeral...

Marc needed to be alone .. and James unwilling to let him be...

maybe it was the air .. the darkness or the gloom ...

the study too menacing ? Marc had leaned forward ... to say something.. which never left his lips that night ...

it was an impulse maybe ?

James had brushed them with his own ... Marc ... was startled... but he reciprocated ... kissed back with

a childish intensity ..

he remembered how his lips swelled up after the heist ... cause it was a heist ... his own heart was stolen forever ...

he did not know what Marc really felt ...

was he some sort of substitute for the one Marc had lost ?

a surrogate of belle ?

he was sure of that .. it was eating him away ...

each day he would try to pack his things and leave .. but something in him always held him back ...

when they kissed .. when they loved it did not matter at all ...

he stayed in spite of knowing he should not...

part 17

Marc knew what he was getting himself into ... he was falling for belle all over again .. was not he ?

was not James just like her.. with all his sensitivity and vulnerability ?

he could not be possibly falling for James..

he kept telling himself..

oh yes ..it was belle .. its always been her .. James just reminded him of her ..thats all there is to it ...

and he must end this travesty ... he must not let James believe it was anything else.. he need not get hurt ... he had had enough pain already .. but why did he care .. ? Marc kept asking himself ... and could not find a plausible answer !!!!

every time James would attempt to leave .. he would in fact find a way to sabotage it....

leaving his after shave lotion on his dressing table was a pretty effective trick ...

he knew what drew belle towards him .. once upon a time .... in some perverse way .. it was going to make James stay too

...

it was turning into a sickening obsession with Marc.. he was fixated with james' similarity with belle.. he wanted to unravel the mystery behind her.. was not he ?

was he just trying to know the unknown through James ?

maybe the methods were not too pious or respectable... not in the least .. he felt he was leading him ...

but he could not stop ... he had to go on ...

part 18
James knew belle was gone .. and there was nothing to stop him from leaving .. but something always held him back .. he never denied it .. he was in love .. deeply madly.. irrevocably and perhaps.. painfully .. he felt it in his heart .. that all kisses and sweet nothings.. the silences and stares he shared with Marc .. it meant different things to them ...
it did not matter how convincing it felt when Marc kissed him each night.. away from the prying eyes of the onlookers...
he knew Marc was always kissing belle.. trying to find her in him ...
the moonlight ..the darkness ... the night ... and all the other witnesses could easily testify ..if only they had a voice ...
they did not need to .. he was not a fool ... but then maybe he was ...
????
he stayed .. a bit too long ?
trying to capture as many moments as possible.. knowing it was not his to take ?
he had to leave.. he must .. but before that he must feed him greed ... to be with him .. a few more days ... to have a few more painful memories ..to last a life time ?
james knew this was perhaps the end ...
he would not be able to love anyone again ... nor would marc.. marc was forever belle's ..
he could hear the clock chime... and it was almost time to go ..
part 19
Marc had no idea what was going through james' head .. he might have realized he was just deluding himself ... it was not merely a fixation with belle ... it was something else..
had it been under normal circumstances..he would have cringed at the thought..
he would have denied loving another man ... he was not homophobic.. but then it was not easy ..
but things were different here .... he was not denying his sexuality .. he was deluding himself into believing he was still in love with his dead wife... he was .. no doubt ..
but love was more than that ... it was beyond our control.. beyond marc's control ... he could only lie.. he could attempt to hide.. it would come out eventually ...
unfortunately he was unaware of that ..
he was also unaware of james' broken heart ...
he was unaware that the following morning would there would be one less plate at the table..
the usual songs played on the music player wont be heard anymore.. the sunset will the same .. ..
the study will not be filled with the scent .. scent he had grown accustomed to ...
he was unaware while he was still reminiscing .. James was silently walking away ..into the darkness away from him .. still hurting ...
part 20
James left that night .. unaware that Marc had fallen for him ... he walked away before he could get more hurt ... his memories were enough ... he walked in the darkness.. the same on form where he had once come..so oddly poetic ... so painfully so ...
while he was fading in the darkness ... Marc had finally come to terms with his own growing feelings for him ... he meant to tell him the following morning.. a tomorrow which never came ...
days passed a blurred haze for both of them .. sometimes the time stood still ...
they would walk the mile ... carrying their own baggage ... mistakes made in life...
there was not a sunset ending for them .. the bliss of togetherness..
they would mourn the death of belle separably ...
she was dead .. her love was not .. but she was the reason they came together .. and why they parted...
they mourned over her ... over a love lost ...
belle stood up above the horizon .. sharing the pain .. their guardian angel ...

pain remains

2010-07-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes in the dead of the night

i lie on my back and wonder

what it was like to be most coveted

yet being all alone yonder

what it was like to crave someone

maybe waiting forever

getting fixated with each day

it really does not bring them back together

i lie back and gaze up at the darkness above

i dont see the silver clad moonlight shining

i can but see the sadness looming on her face

and darkness the hides her distress

i lie back and almost smile

smile at the obscenity of life

the moon and her wolverine

a sad story beyond our time

it replicates in our lives each day

as i lie back , wonder and smile

the memories they all remain

maybe a picture or two

the London bridge and the river named Thames

they all remain in the corners of your wasted self

all your are left with a hollowness

you cant deny its presence

its the moon and wolverine all over again

as like me you wonder and gaze !!!!!!!!

american psycho: a story of a world gone wrong

2010-06-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

okay guys this is rather unconventional and a far cry from my earlier posts. but hey my blog is about the world , its fringes and its idiosyncrasy

, good and bad . so why not write about bret easton ellis's great work which can be classified as a modern day classic ?

lets start with the story . then i will go on to interpret it and show why this is so relevant even though the book was published in 1991.

am paraphasing here from wikipedia

" Set in Manhattan and beginning on April Fools' Day 1989, American Psycho spans roughly three years in the life of wealthy younginvestment banker Patrick Bateman. Bateman, 26 years old when the story begins, narrates his everyday activities, from his daily life among the upper-class elite of New York to his forays into murder by nightfall.

Bateman comes from a privileged background, having graduated fromPhilips Exeter Academy, Harvard (class of 1984), and then Harvard Business School (class of 1986). He works as a vice president at aWall Street investment company and lives in an expensive Manhattanapartment on the Upper West Side where he embodies the 1980syuppie culture. Through present tense stream-of-consciousnessnarrative he describes his conversations with colleagues in bars and cafes, his office, and nightclubs.

In addition to describing his daily life, Bateman also speaks about his "love" life. He is engaged to a fellow yuppie named Evelyn, though he possesses no deep feelings for anyone; additionally, he frequently solicits sex with attractive women ("hardbodies"), manipulates his secretary's feelings for him, and tries to avoid the attention of Luis Carruthers, a closeted homosexual colleague who confesses his love for Patrick. Bateman also documents his relationship with his estranged family, including his senile mother, whom he visits in a nursing home, and his younger brother, a hedonistic college dropout (Sean Bateman, one of the protagonists from Ellis's earlier novel The Rules of Attraction; Patrick Bateman himself also briefly appears in said novel).

my interpretation here would be .. this is not a book about a serial killer or a psychopath or Patrick's urge to kill people which he calls homicidal activities ...

this is not about his fantasy , his blood lust ..

the character is not delusional ..

he did kill the 100 or so people ...

its a satire a dark comedy .. its about a world thats gone wrong ..

its a world where we dont know each other.. its world where we are all consumed by our vanities , our desire to emulate everyone around us ...

its about our blatant materialism and consumer culture where human lives have no value ..

Patrick symbolizes the system which is eating us alive !!!!!!

in that case he did kill those people .. otherwise the whole plot would have lost its meaning.

fighting for a cause

2010-06-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i wrote about anything on my blog.

frankly i didn't have much time the last few months and more importantly i did not have anything new to talk about.

but i guess you can always write about anything if it came right from your heart.

so here goes ....

the credit goes to a friend on orkut who read my blog.. somehow got the feeling i was an american .. which is not true ... but it got me thinking ...

americans have it easy .. they have the right platform to talk freely about controversial issues like the gay rights..

indians lag light years behind them ..

but thats part of the story ...

the american south is still deeply conservative and republican ...

they still hold very Zionist and old fashioned views on things like gay rights and race ..

in fact not just the american south .. California ...too .. they overturned the gay marriage act in 2008 with the infamous prop 8.

a few months ago Maine too voted against gay marriage..

so its not just india.. even seemly modern state of USA .. it has its double standards too .. its has its contradiction too ..

that did not stop an average american from fighting for a cause ..

and neither should anything detain us ..

we are born free.. we should be able to express ourselves and our views and stand up for a cause .. even if the whole wide world's against us...

there always will be obstacles ... hindrances... what defines us is our perseverance and patience

we can and will eventually make it happen..

a world for all

2010-04-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

i once believed there could be

a world where all our dreams ran free

a place where we all belonged

our own haven , a sanctuary

where everything was in black and white

one could differentiate between wrong and right

but the grayer shades was to be welcomed

it was how things were done

i once believed it was possible

to raise ourselves from abysmal

we could be what we truly were

and live our lives without fear

love could be a craved thing

which could elevate our being

bind us together in our quest

to find the truth of the blessed

but it seems like it can never be

we are all distanced by a dark sea

its the abyss of hate and greed

which we aint strong enough to beat

we can still keep our faith

things are changing fast of late

maybe someday you can profess your love

without judging the color , or their place of birth

that will be the ray of hope we need to turn

and it will once again light up the burn

that will bring us back again

closer to our home , our little haven.

homosexuality in animal kingdom

2010-03-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

i need to apologize .. i was so engrossed with my own troubles i forgot why i started to write this blog in the first place.

million apologies to everyone i care about.

i had written an article asking you all to join the pink pages in their fight to repeal section 377 of the indian penal code. now i got a very interesting post comment on my article page ... here i quote the guy who wrote it "YOU SHOULD SHAME ABOUT GAY RIGHTS OR LESBIAN RIGHTS.WHICH IS GREAT SHAME FOR HUMANITY.

AND NATURE ALSO.IM DEADLY AGAINST GAYS RIGHTS.OH GOD SAVE THIS COUNTRY FROM UN NATURAL RELATIONSHIPS.
SRINIVASA RAO.S
INDIA"

so i guess its time for a proper response from me ...

not many are aware of the fact that even animals , both mammals and birds have been found to have homosexual tendencies. they also pair up with animals of their own sex ..just like gay human beings do ...

now these animals are closer to the nature than we are.. being evolved and all ...

explain to me how can a thing be unnatural when its accepted by species of every kind on the planet ?

who defines whats natural ?

is not it our hypocrisy ?

its our own agenda to keep our society strictly straight so that breeding can go on ..

this is the sole reason most societies feel so negatively about " alternative sexuality '

which is not alternate at all ..its as natural as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

i am giving a link on homosexuality and tell me where am i being paranoid or wrong ...

http://en.wik

ipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals

2010-03-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Search Engine Submission - AddMe

i just submitted my blog to this site .. so more people can hear my voice .

agra shames the nation : the nation calls it a simple case of mistaken identity

2010-03-22T03:26:00.000-07:00

well

i guess it was to be expected from a country with a huge colonial racist past ...

when i expected some sort of outrage from my friends ... except for a few close to me .. the incident seemed normal ... quite okay ..

for them ..here i quote " its a simple case of mistaken identity "

what i fail to understand i how could this have been a simple case of mistaken identity ?

had it been a case the security personnel would have politely asked for identification ..

we would have understood.. given the constand threat of terrorism under which we have to live these days.. .

but WHEN YOU SHOVE A GOVT BUREAUCRAT AND THROW HER ID CARD IN HER FACE KNOWING ITS A VALID BONOFIDE ID , KNOWING YOU CANT EXTORT MONEY ... ITS RACISM ..

no matter what you say its what it appeared to be ...

when it looks like a duck quacks like a duck there is a possibility its a duck ...

as for my friends.. its a laugh riot ...

bonds are not bond unless tested ...

when i needed them the most one 3 were here for me ...

Kris Anoop and Emmanuel ...

and the weird thing is Emmanuel is not even Indian ... but his outburst was perhaps as loud as my own ... its time like these when you realise who your true friends are .. who are your allies .. and who are just people out to have a good time but have nothing to offer to you when you are in trouble...

i guess this TAJ INCIDENT was a BLEESING in disguise .. .

because now i know for a fact WHO ARE MY FRIENDS.. and who can be deleted from my facebook page...

everything happens for a reason...

it was an eye opener ... in both ways..

first there is no INDIA .. am NOT a part of it.. and am OKAY with it.. let the mayawatis rule ...

now i totally free of any bond i might had in the past with this country ...

second I MUST CHOOSE MY FRIENDS CAREFULLY ...

they should not just exist to increase the number of people on Facebook friend list ...

THANKS AGAIN GUYS.. WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WILL HELP ME HEAL ... YOU HAVE GIVEN ME ANOTHER REASON TO HATE ...

GOOD...

AGRA SHAMES THE NATION : RACIST ATTACKS ON A BENGALI FAMILY

2010-03-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

when GOUTAM CHATTERJEE , DEPUTY SECRETARY DEPARTMENT OF LAW GOVT OF WEST BENGAL and SWATI CHATTERJEE ASSISTANT ARCHIVIST HIGHER EDUCATION GOVT OF WEST BENGAL decided it was time to take some time off and have a vacation , little did they know the vacation would cost them their hard earned dignity , self respect and the sense of their being.

taj mahal is widely known for its esquisite beauty , but what this bengali couple witnessed there was the sheer ugliness of a a monument .. created out of blood and tears of a nation , exploited by the monarchy.

they had decided to visit the taj mahal to take in its exotic beauty..

when they reached the ticket counter there , they obligingly bought two bonafide tickets from the indian tourists ticket counter ...

it was now time to queue up to enter premises of the tomb ...

it all happened so fast that goutam and swati were unable to understand what was happening ...

the security personnel at the gates out of the blue grabbed the collors of goutam and shoved him out of the line...

his 24 year daughter was so alarmed.. she started to scream ..asking why was he being treated that way ... THE SECURITY PERSONNEL CONTINED TO ABUSE HER AND HER MOTHER , SAYING THEY WERE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER THE TAJ WITH THE TICKETS THEY HAD BOUGHT...

they kept asking why .. the para military kept abusing them ... threatening them to arrest them ... finally they they told them they were foreigners... trying to get in the taj mahal with an indian tourist permit..

THE BEST PART COMES NEXT.. WHEN THE DAUGHTER TOLD THEM THE NAMES AND THE MOTHER SHOWED THEM HER GROUP A GOVT ID CARD ..THEY THREW IT IN HER FACE.. CALLING THEM NEPALIS...

THE OC .. WHO IS WAY JUNIOR IN RANK THAN DEPUTY SECRETARY OF ANY STATE GOVT KEPT UP THE ABUSIVE STANCE...

now.. this is uttar pradesh ... this is the state of mayawati.. this the state which is infamous for corruption and malpractises and criminal activities ...

but they took it too a whole new level when the molested a bengali couple, both of senior ranking govt officials.. because they were bengalis...

it was easy .. they were not well versed in hindi..

they looked too sophisticated and educated for the taj taste ..

and the security people knew it would be easy to extort money from them .. they would not protest ... they would fear the police system in UP ..which is as corrupt as anything..they would not risk being stripped and violated...

they were bengalis.. and it was a racist attack through and through ...

not a single soul protested in their favor .. not a single soul came forward to see what was being done to them ...

when the shiv sena molests a few north indians in mumbai all hell breaks loose.. the country outrages...

BUT WHEN A BENGALI COUPLE FACES THE SAME THING IN UP .. THE WHOLE COUNTRY REMAINS SILENT...

THIS IS INDIA MY FRIENDS..

BENGALIS FOUGHT FOR FREEDOM FOR CENTURIES .. AND NOW THEY ARE PENALISED IN OTHER STATES FOR BEING ONE...

THIS IS OUR SECULAR, COSMOPOLITAN INDIA..

THE CHATTERJEES HAVE RETURNED HOME .. SCARRED.. DISILLUSIONED..DISORIENTED..WITHOUT ANY HOPE OF GETTING JUSTICE .... . HERE AM I WRITING THIS BLOG APPEALING TO THE READERS.. HELP THEM GET JUSTICE.. PROTEST ..IF AND WHEN YOU STILL CAN ...

BECAUSE THE CHATTERJEES ARE STILL BELIEVERS OF " JANA GANA MANAO"

THEY STILL BELIEVE THEY ARE INDIANS...

BUT IT WONT BE LONG BEFORE THEY REALISE THEY ARE NOT ...THEY ARE BENGALIS.. THEY WILL BE PROUD BE THAT.. AND " AMAR SHONAR BANGLA " WILL REPLACE " JANA GANA MANA " IN THEIR HEARTS...

AS FOR THE DAUGHTER ... WHO WITNESSED THIS.. IT ALREADY HAS..

SHE IS NO LONGER AN INDIAN ...

SHE IS A BENGALI ... PROUD BENGALI OF A BENGAL NATION ...

THATS WHAT THE STATE OF UP DID TO HER..

HOW DID I KNOW ALL THIS ? BECAUSE I WAS THERE , WITNESSING ALL OF THIS..

NOT AS A SILENT SPECTATOR AS THE REST OF INDIA..

BUT THE DAUGHTER ...WHO HAD TO STAND THERE..SCREAMING .. TRYING IN VAIN TO GET JUSTICE FOR HER PARENTS..

YES AM AMRITA , AND AM PROUD TO BE A BENGALI ...

nation as an imagined community:gender, nationalism and otherisation.

2010-01-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

i posted an article a few months ago on the politics of otherisation. the eternal question of us vs them. everything was stereotyped. from the quintessential white male to the " effeminate screaming queen " .

today i would widen my scope.

we are all very well aware of the term nation.but very few of us are aware that its an " imagined community".

what do i mean by this ?

let me refer to BENEDICT ANDERSON who coined this term Benedict Anderson defined a nation as "an imagined political community [that is] imagined as both inherently limited and sovereign As Anderson puts it, a nation "is imagined because the members of even the smallest nation will never know most of their fellow-members, meet them, or even hear of them, yet in the minds of each lives the image of their communion"

...[T]he concept was born in an age in which Enlightenment and Revolution were destroying the legitimacy of the divinely-ordained, hierarchical dynastic realm. Coming to maturity at a stage of human history when even the most devout adherents of any universal religion were inescapably confronted with the living pluralism of such religions, and the [direct relationship] between each faith's ontological claims and territorial stretch, nations dream of being free, and, if under God, directly so. The gage and emblem of this freedom is the sovereign state

when we look at a nation as we imagine it we fail to see two of its major components. .. . gender and nationalism.

when i say gender i however do not mean differentiation of sexes. i use the term to mean a power structure within a patriarchal state when gender is a form of politics.

everything is gendered... from the roles ascertained to the males and females of our societies to the qualities they are expected to have. each is a water tight compartment.

ironically biologically speaking there are only two things that makes a woman a woman and a man a man... that are her ability to conceive and to feed the baby when its born.. ie pregnancy and lactation.

but the social patriarchal structure created this differentiation to maintain that power,

now lets talk about nationalism. its also gendered.

in the colonial world. which had seen much destruction and sorrow... they look for a savoir ... the spirit came from within.. once that spirit to protect ones own land developed .. the territory and the landmass automatically got a body.. a female body.. the whole concept of mother land arises from this gendered nationalism...

the damsel in distress...

nowhere will you see the honor_dynamics of a nation so strong than in nationalism.

the chastity of the women is to be maintained and protected ...

here also we see the we vs them syndrome...

the honor of a nation's women must be maintained by violating the same of the others...

nationalism therefore breeds the rape instinct in itself. ..

i am a history major ... and none of this is ahistorical..

let me give you an eg.. during partition ... the ONLY reason women were raped was to shame the OTHER community..

ONCE AGAIN ITS WE/US VS THEM,

systematic otherisation lurks in nation .. it always been and it always will be ..

from the coveted jewish holy land of israel to germany which was shaped by iron man bismark ...

its an expression of self hood to the exclusion of others....

please join the pink pages

2009-11-25T01:37:00.000-08:00

http://pink-pages.co.in/

please guys do visit and subscribe to the gay magazine pink pages if you care at all about the community which has been marginalized and driven to the fringes by our society and the policy makers.. since the colonial times

most people aint really homophobes but they feel a bit uncomfortable around the "others" as they prefer to call the gay people ...

please guys ..its time to give up our obstinacy and accept the fact that there are many different kinds of people ..they have different preferences.. we are all born with that

lets stop this we and them non sense

its my honest appeal to you all .. lets make a difference and join the magazine .. lets stand united against bias and prejudices against the gay community

we have to join in the fight to repeal 377 .. its a question of human right .. and lets start by showing you really care ..

thanks people ... i believe you will do the right thing

amrita sengupta

2009-11-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

book review :almost single advaita kala

hii everyone i was busy swallowing as many books as possible in the past ten days ..i did not have much time posting something new. since i read some really cool books ..am i was wondering.why not bore you guys with some book review? i have not done that before..so i can give it a shot ..cant it? it took me just 8 days to finish 5 books ..4 of them being the twilight saga by stephanie meyer.. and the 5 th one almsot single by advaita kala.. its my first encounter with chick lit.. and man .. i fervently hope its my last.i hated almsot single... i mean it was suppose to be full of dark humor .. but when i flipped through its last page i could not remember one single instance in the whole book which made me smile let alone chuckle or burst out loud.. being a 21st century girl and fairly intelligent.. and well read..this book is an insult to our patience intelligence and endurance..can you explain why a 29 year old girl would consider herself old? and past the age of marriage?why the mother was shown to pester her with marriage proposals? finally ..the supposed hero of the book..who gets the girl.. karan verma..is just plain boring.. but the girl likes her because he is good looking?huh..is this chick lit an anti thesis to our god old feminist writings? what happened to our old school feminine writings..like jane austen and emily bronte? charlotte ronte?is lizzy or jane eyre passe ? will we have to make do with these horrendous writings ? jane austen and bronte sisters.. their works were way ahead of its timethese new age chick lits will take us back ..a millenium.. their portrayal of fancy pubs ..wines and BMW S not with standing we will be spiraling back wards................... i still prefer lizzy and darcy.... however old school it sounds!!!!!!!!