FrogBlogging from Chiang Mai

Coming 'home' to Thailand - ups and downs

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:22:00 +0000

The girls at Yin Yang massage in Loi Kroh, Chiang Mai. No customers, but still smiling!

After such a long break away from Thailand, I was feeling naively cheerful. The Thai Air flight from Zurich was two-thirds empty so we could stretch out in comfort. Arrived in Bangkok bang on time. The taxi touts thankfully ignored us as we wandered around the airport before heading to domestic departures.

The Bangkok Air flight to Chiang Mai was a mere 40 minutes late which was pretty good in comparison to previous experiences. I withdrew some cash with my Thai bank debit card, left it in the machine, only realised what I'd done 24 hours later... but after a few minutes' panic and a dash to the local bank, discovered that no one had managed to withdraw a fortune in the meantime. I felt good, and was sure I'd got away without contracting swine flu.

Everything was going great.

Then the dreaded lurgy struck. Thankfully not the H1N1 version, but a pretty mean competitor, the way I felt for the next week. Blogging was out of the question, but the mai pen rai approach was working well. It still felt good to be back.

The smiles are still there. Chiang Mai may be dead, bars closing, restaurants struggling, hotels almost empty, monsoon rains coming down... but the Thais carry on smiling. There's a knack to it, I'm sure.

Everything was going 'swimmingly'... or so I thought. Then the body blow...

The new tenants of part of my home in France cleverly decided to use my swimming pool, without my permission (it was empty when I left, awaiting repairs). They decided to part-fill it, and long before it reached a safe level, held a party. A 17 year old (guest) dived in, crushed some neck vertebrae, nearly died, is in an induced coma for some ops, but before losing consciousness had no sensation in arms or legs. The prognosis is not good.

So that's why I haven't been blogging since bouncing back from the bug. It's touch and go whether I shall have to return to France, at least for a while, to try to sort things out. It sometimes amazes me how mind-bogglingly stupid people can be.

The mai pen rai attitude doesn't quite work for this situation. I'm desperately sorry for the kid involved, even if I don't know him from Adam. But I have to say I'm bl..dy annoyed too - I've barely been here a fortnight, and I'm looking at an unscheduled flight home. Unlike Thailand France is drowning in red tape, not quite American-style on the legal front, but heading that way. This story will run for a long while yet.

In an effort to remain cheerful, some more Thai smiles, this time from last Friday's 'Big Buddha Day' celebrations in Chiang Mai. My wife2b regularly tells me that a BBD is in the offing - I've never really taken in what they're all about. But don't the Thais just love them, going to extraordinary and intricate lengths to decorate the floats and people in the parade...

However 'Big Buddha Days' do have certain disadvantages. For no sooner than Friday's celebrations are over, I discover on the point of going out for a quick beer that both today and Wednesday are also BBDs, with bars (those that bother to stay open) not being allowed to sell alcohol. Not ideal for a tourist industry that's already suffering!

Rows of empty barstools at Chiang Mai's Number 1 Bar...

It looks like I'll just have to go out and drown my sorrows in nam som ... ;-)

["nam som" = orange juice]

Thaivisa: Founder of Thailand's largest online community answers the critics

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:37:00 +0000

Thaivisa is far and away the biggest web-based forum catering for expats in Thailand, and Thaiophiles abroad. As with every successful and expanding enterprise, it has its promoters and detractors; it is loved and hated, envied and dismissed, praised and sneered at. No one is indifferent. Virtually every farang in the country with an Internet connection, whether or not they contribute directly, checks out the threads now and again. (They may pretend they don’t ;-)

A group of senior expats administers the website. With a wealth of knowledge about the Land Of Smiles accumulated in some cases over a decade or more, they describe their goal as building “the most complete and updated website for the expatriate community in Thailand regarding visas and immigration issues”.

Common gripes are that the moderators are too severe, freedom of speech is suppressed, certain ‘inoffensive’ topics are deemed off-limits, controversial or critical threads locked, poor advice is handed out willy-nilly. Members are accused of spending much of the time bickering amongst themselves, or insulting not only new members, but also Thailand, Thais and the Thai way of life. How fair are these criticisms?

‘George’, founder and chief admin of Thaivisa, chats about these and other issues…

FB: George - how long have you been in Thailand, what did you do before, where are you from?

G: I've been in the IT industry most of my life, I'm just a computer and forum freak who specializes in SEO, an old geezer from cold Scandoland, a long-term Asia expat who will always be staying in Thailand, and I just love it here!

FB: As founder, do you have sole control, or do you have partners (other than commercial)?

G: It is a communal effort with the moderators and other administrators offering help, advice and opinions. I, however, have the final say. The admins have constant contact via email, phone and chat.

FB: 78,000 members and counting. A record of over 9,000 users on-line simultaneously. Did you have any inkling that things would grow this fast when you set it up 7 years ago? Did you always intend that it would become a business, or was it just set up for fun originally?

G: Just for fun originally, but the demand was so strong and the response so enthusiastic that in order to keep the forum running smoothly we had to end up getting our own servers, this necessitated implementing advertising.

FB: The commercial benefits of reaching such a size must be considerable?

G: As are the costs. We are reinvesting in new servers and have four full time employees for programming, server maintenance, legal issues and, member support etc.

FB: How about the other side of the coin, the problems of managing such a large group of people who can (and do) say virtually what they want, at any given moment, 24 hours a day?

G: It's not an easy task, but it’s great fun with a few exceptions. There are lots of foreigners who don't understand the laws of Thailand and think that Thai laws are the same as their own countries. We should be more polite to our host country in my opinion, and not be too negative about Thailand or Thai people. Thailand is a relatively young democracy and we as foreigners need to understand that. To post on Thaivisa is a privilege, not a right, but we try to accommodate everyone who follows our rules.

We have been organizing member meet-ups and parties in Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai, Surin and other places, and it's amazing to see members get together and see the real faces behind their avatars. To be honest, haven't we all sometimes posted a nasty forum comment from behind the keyboard after a few too many beers, and regretted it the next morning :)

FB: What can you say about the specifically Thai constraints, such as lese majeste? How often do problems crop up in this area? Can you cite any specific cases?

G: I'd rather not. We have implemented control routines that flag any activity that could be a problem. See above response.

FB: How many moderators are involved? How do you recruit them?

G: Seventeen moderators and they are usually regular members who have shown a history of intelligent and informative, non-aggressive posts, but they are almost always recommended by the moderating team, and it is a group decision to bring them into the team.

FB: Do you have any idea of the member split – in terms of nationalities, actual expats/non-residents? I was thinking of IP analysis, not perfect, but a fair indication.

G: We did a survey a few years ago, here it is.

I think it’s fairly accurate and this reminds me to do a new member survey again very soon, should be interesting. Thaivisa has extremely high traffic, here some examples:

Big Boards
Google Trends
Google Adplanner Website profile
Truehits

(Interview continues after the Google Analytics stats image...)

FB: Legally, how does the forum stand on liability with respect to advice and information provided either by members in open forum, or in your information sections, should readers act on this advice and find that it is misleading, or erroneous?

G: Please use the report button or email me, and we take care of it. We state quite clearly in the forum rules:

Use of our forums

"Please remember that we cannot actively monitor the contents of, and are not responsible for, any messages posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of Thaivisa.com or any entity associated with Thaivisa.com"

"Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately via the report function. We do have the ability to remove objectionable messages and will make every effort to do so if we determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process so please realize we may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately. Responding to objectionable messages is discouraged".

FB: TV has its critics. Some suggest that the polarized views, constant carping and insulting, cast the Thai-based farangs in a particularly poor light. Then there’s what some see as a constant belittling of Thailand, Thais and Thai policies (e.g. in discussions about visa regulations, but there are multiple examples across the boards). It may be only an outspoken minority, but does this concern you?

G: Yes, it does concern both me and the moderating team but we have to strike a balance between allowing people their opinions and racist and denigrating language. We do our best. At times we fail, and at times we succeed. It is a very large board with a very active membership and unfortunately, we cannot be in all places all the time.

FB: In a similar vein, do you regret the number of people that restrict their postings, or leave the forum altogether, because of the aggressive, insulting responses they often receive to questions posed in good faith? Is there nothing that could be done about this, in terms of moderation policy?

G: Members are just that, members and most regular posters are quite aware that they can be proactive in helping the moderating team by reporting such posts. As stated above, we cannot be in all places all the time and it is up to the membership to help police and maintain civility.

FB: Have you ever looked into this and come to any conclusions about which nationality(ies) is/are the main guilty party/ies in terms of stereotyping, polarised views?

G: No, not really. My experience has been that bitter, unhappy and aggressive people can come from anywhere.

FB: In a way it’s a lose-lose situation for the moderators. Too much interference and they are accused of being heavy-handed, of having a ‘God complex’. Too little, and people complain that new members posting in good faith are being scared off, that posters are showing a lack of respect for Thailand. One of the more frequent moans is about moderation policy and censorship. So what would you say to those who complain about so-called moderator overkill, draconian measures, when the topics stray into 'sensitive' areas (and I'm not referring to lese majeste issues, take topics such as bar girls, or naming and shaming, for example). Can you sum up your views, and TV policy, in this respect?

G: If someone has been wrongly treated by a mod or admin on the forum, just drop me a line and we will investigate it. We have been advised by our lawyers to be very careful about commenting on certain issues, and we practise some "self censorship": in these areas. We have high ranking officials who read our forum, and the laws about libel and defamation are harsh.

It is important to realize that in Thailand nothing detrimental to any business or individual is permissible because of Thailand's strong laws against negative comments about individuals, businesses or officials. Defamation is both a civil and criminal offence in Thailand.

The final judgement can be ANY amount which the court approves, including jail time. It is in line with the perceived amount that the defamatory statements have cost the business. So, if the business claims you have cost them 2 million baht in lost business and reputation, they can then claim this in a civil suit.

Thailand is VERY active now in bringing defamation cases to the courts. With the constant battle between the governments & groups, the courts are establishing precedents that MAY NOT be in line with Western standards of free speech. These precedents WILL be applied to EVERYONE in Thailand.

Also, foreigners are just starting to realize this type of ‘strict’ law applies. We are beginning to see more and more defamation suits being brought from foreigners – and they are winning.

There is a standard of good taste that needs to be maintained. Some of the posts on Thaivisa.com definitely cross the line. It is one thing to make observations and report in a balanced fashion - but BASHING a business or “singling out” a business person is a definite no-no. All too often I see forum boards being used as a battle ground between businesses/individuals – either spamming or trashing. We have been advised to tighten our grip on this type of posting. Eventually someone is going to get pissed off enough to file a lawsuit.

This is a dilemma for us at Thaivisa, and we need to protect our members and the website from lawsuits. Please follow the forum rules is all we ask for.

FB: Some members were concerned about the commercial tie-up with The Nation, a publication that generally maintains a pro-establishment policy at the political level. Has this link affected the way you manage forum content in any way?

G: No, The Nation has no effect on content. No moderator or administrator is allowed to use their personal political opinions in moderating the board but rather they implement and enforce the rules.

FB: If you had to sum it up in a couple of lines, what advice would you give to a would-be expat, single guy, who has spent a couple of weeks on holiday in the country, and is now thinking of retiring to Thailand? :-)

G: Stay for 6 months before committing yourself. Thailand is a wonderful place to live, but not everyone is cut out for expat life and not everyone adjusts well to living in a totally different culture.

FB: If there are any other points you would like to make, e.g. plans for the future for Thaivisa, feel free…

G: What I would like to add is that Thai Visa is more than just a group of moderators and members, but a huge community that I hope can work together to make it a place where people can go to not only learn valuable information, gain help, but also friends.

We have a lot of plans for the future, within a few weeks we will do a big upgrade of the forum software, and there are some interesting new services to be launched, a new blog portal and an expat directory that we are very excited about. If our members have further ideas how we can improve, feel free to email me at george[at]thaivisa.com

Also, we are always looking into partnerships with other Thailand related businesses, just give me a call!

Kind regards
George

Follow me on Twitter
My Facebook
Thaivisa Facebook
______________________________

Ed. Thanks to George for taking the time to talk openly about Thaivisa, its plans for the future, the difficulties it faces, and some of the more controversial issues that surface about the forum around the web, now and again. One of the most surprising answers he gave was that there are only 17 moderators; it must be almost impossible to cover the vast number of posts that appear each day, and I can see how the ‘report post’ function is critical, as well as the involvement of the community itself in self-moderation.

The exchanges on Thai politics are typical of the discussions that show farang contributors in the worst possible light. In certain threads the occasional measured responses are easily outnumbered by some of the most bitter and polarised unpleasantness I've seen on the web. The antagonists line up in opposing yellow and red camps, attempting to strike a killer blow via their keyboards. PAD and DAAD have got nothing on the Thaivisa virtual soldiers in terms of intolerance and venom, when it comes to politics.

But while we may sometimes carp about some of the on-line personas who frequent Thaivisa, you can't argue with the wealth of expertise to be found amongst its members. It regularly proves its worth in providing information to newbies, as well as coming up trumps in a tough situation. Just a couple of days ago I was contacted by someone in England whose father was very ill in Pattaya. His daughter was desperately trying to get him admitted into hospital, but only recently the family had been hit by a £6,000 bill from one of the expat hospitals there, and it was looking increasingly as though someone had helped themselves from their father’s Thai bank account to boot. 3am in Thailand – and she was trying to find information about cheaper Pattaya hospitals, English-speaking contacts. Less than 20 minutes later from TV’s Pattaya forum I had suggestions, a name and a phone number, with more to come a couple of hours later. To say his daughter was relieved was an understatement. Stuck on the other side of the world, her father unable to communicate with her, she was at a loss what to do – and even the British Embassy in Bangkok was fobbing her off. It’s in situations like this that on-line communities such as Thaivisa really show their value.

Thiavisa has its competitors, with a few more relaxed forums out there. But the latter can afford to be more laid-back, mostly having far fewer members, and therefore being more easily managed and moderated as a result. The proliferation of blogs also provide some essential insights, and Richard Barrow's network in particular (forum, blogs, chat rooms, news) is a superb and well-written major resource about Thailand. What they all have in common, even if they are prone to error now and again, is an underlying honesty and generally speaking, a lack of politically-motivated agenda. Forums and blogs have at times become a vital source of information when the traditional media is either being stifled or manipulated, as we are witnessing right now with the unrest over the presidential elections in Iran. Hundreds of thousands of internet-connected Iranians are getting news out via blogs and emails.

It can be a bit difficult sifting through all the noise on the likes of Thaivisa, and for a newbie, searching through all the data can be daunting. Still perhaps this is being addressed in the forthcoming updates George refers to. I hope the blog portal will be open to the independents out there!

(Scroll down for more stats, and a summary of Thailand's laws of libel by Thaivisa's lawyers...)

From Thaivisa's lawyers, some more detail on the subject of defamation:

Defamation of Character

Criminal Liability

Criminal liability for defamation is covered by Sections 326 to 333 of the Thai Penal Code, which provide for punishment by imprisonment not exceeding one year or a fine not exceeding Baht 20,000, or both. The Penal Code also provides that any imputation made upon a deceased person to a third party, which is calculated to impair the reputation of his/her father, mother, spouse, or child, or to expose the deceased to hatred or contempt, is an offense. Defamation committed by means of publication of a document, drawing, painting, cinematograph, picture, or letters made visible by any means, gramophone record, or any other recording or broadcast is punishable by imprisonment not exceeding two years and a fine not exceeding Baht 200,000.

The Thai Civil and Commercial Code (CCC) has defamation provisions, but does not distinguish between libel and slander. In the chapter on Wrongful Acts, Section 423 of the CCC, it states that any person who, contrary to the truth, asserts or circulates as a fact that which is injurious to the reputation or credit of another, or his earnings or prosperity in any manner, shall compensate the injured party for any resulting damage. Being unaware that a statement is false does not constitute a defense, provided the person ought to have known it was false. Section 447 of the CCC gives the Court a right, upon application of the aggrieved party, to order other measures, either instead of or in addition to payment of damages, for the rehabilitation of the injured party’s reputation.

Claims for damages arising from defamation are barred after one year from the date the wrongful act and person responsible became known to the injured person, or ten years from the day when the wrongful act was committed (Section 448). If, however, damages claimed arise from a wrongful act which is also punishable under criminal law for which a longer period is prescribed, then such period also applies to the civil action. For the purpose of achieving faster results, criminal actions are filed much more frequently than civil suits. Defamation actions are often reported in the press.

Defense Against Criminal Libel

There are three defenses to a charge of criminal libel:

The statement is true, unless the defamatory imputation is of a personal nature and would not be of benefit to the public.
A fair comment was made in good faith -

By way of self-justification or defense.
For the protection of any legitimate interest.
Upon the status of an official in the exercise of his functions.
By way of fair report in the proceedings of any.

The opinions or statements expressed during proceedings were by the parties involved, their lawyers, or their witnesses.

Under Section 332 of the Penal Code, the Court may order destruction of the defamatory matter and that publication of the Court’s judgment be made in one or more newspapers once or several times at the expense of the guilty party.

Civil Liability

There are two defenses to a civil action for defamation:

Justification, where the defendant in a civil action may escape liability if he/she can prove that the statement was substantially justified, i.e. true, but more than just true. There has to be a valid reason for having made the statement even if true. It is not an absolute defense to a criminal prosecution for libel to prove that the statement was simply true.
Privileged communication, where a person may make a communication in good faith to persons having a rightful interest in it, even though the information given may later be found to be erroneous. For example, in Dika (Supreme) Court Case No. 938/2519, the Thai Bankers Association circulated a notice to its members warning them that the action of a group of persons which included the plaintiff might be damaging to the members’ business.

The action of the Thai Bankers Association was held to be a valid protection of a legitimate interest.

Opinions or statements expressed during court proceedings are privileged.

Another form of privileged communication involves statements made by members of the Senate or the House of Representatives of the National Assembly when stating facts or opinions or in casting votes. No charge or other manner of action can be brought against such legislative members. This privilege extends to printers and publishers of the Legislative Minutes and to persons permitted by the presiding member to give statements of fact or opinion at such sittings.

Insult to Character

There is another offense under the Penal Code, namely insult, as provided for under Section 393 of the Penal Code stating that whoever insults any person in his presence or by publication shall be punished with imprisonment not exceeding one month or a fine not exceeding Baht 1,000, or both.

Insult is also one of several grounds for divorce.

Defamation is more serious than mere insult. Defamation must involve publication to third parties and must lower the plaintiff in the eyes of right-thinking members of society. However, insult does not have such an effect and need not take place before any person other than the plaintiff.

The need for insult provisions in the law is better appreciated with some knowledge of the Thai language and of the Thai mental approach to life and social relations. It is a characteristic of Thais that they are particularly sensitive to personal abuse, which is taken very seriously. The Thai language contains many colorful expletives which, while not defamatory, are exceedingly hurtful to the sensitive Thai. Such phrases lose their significance in translation and might seem comparatively innocuous to westerners.

Examples include aye sat, meaning “you are such a base and low creature”, or aye haa, meaning “you are physically sick”, while aye baa means “you are mentally sick”.

For many reasons, but principally because of the delay and cost of litigation in Thailand, courts see few insult actions except as a basis for divorce. Insults, however, can lead to nasty altercations and confrontations, so being polite at all times cannot be stressed often enough.

While damages awarded in defamation cases are minimal, the time and expense consumed in prosecuting or defending these actions can be massive.It is important to realize that in Thailand nothing detrimental to any business or individual is permissible because of Thailand's strong laws against negative comments about individuals, businesses or officials. Defamation is both a civil and criminal offense in Thailand.

The final judgment can be ANY amount which the court approves, including jail time. It is in line with the perceived amount that the defamatory statements have cost the business. So, if the business claims you have cost them 2 million baht in lost business and reputation, they can then claim this in a civil suit.

Expat bloggers in Thailand, social responsibility

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:09:00 +0000

Media priorities have been under the spotlight in recent weeks. The blood and gore in Thai Rath-style tabloids never fail to catch the eye. Sex scandals with a hint of perversion are always good for a scoop; or failing that how about some cute photos of a panda cub to divert the masses.

The proud Chiang Mai dad - or is the mum - can anyone tell? (Click on pic for full-size images)

The bottom line though is that the media gives us pretty much what we want. And apparently what most of us want is to escape, through cheap thrills and titillation, fantasy and sick voyeurism. As long as we are spoon-fed a diet of trivia, we don't have to face some of the more uncomfortable, starker realities.

A surging flood of visual data batters the senses daily, so that processing it all productively is impossible. We take refuge in the superficial, barricade ourselves within our comfort zones.

Politicians, economic interest groups with the power and influence of small nations, are complicit in this dumbing down. I wonder if we're still capable of the great revolutionary movements of a just a few decades ago. It would mean missing a few episodes of our favourite soap.

And in the meantime we carry on lapping up photos of panda cubs and David Carradine. If it's taken you thirty seconds to skim through this blog, then another ten children will have died from the consequences of poverty. We spend 1.4 trillion USD on arms annually. Then there's cosmetics, and pet food, and.. and...

This is no virtual reality game, there won't be an escape button to press, once climate change becomes unstoppable. Someone 'twittered' today that he heard a couple of farangs complaining about the Thais using too many plastic bags. Yet it seems to have escaped the notice of the American tourists concerned that they had just flown halfway across the world for their vacation in the Land of Smiles. A mammoth-sized carbon footprint that would take a boat-load of plastic bags to fill.

We have developed a social conscience that seems to be limited to putting our rubbish into the right recycling bins, as if somehow that's going to make a significant difference. It's all a big con, to sell us the feel good factor. The real problems carry on snowballing while we switch on to Britain's Got Talent, weep over Susan Boyle, and coo over sweet little panda cubs.

I suppose ignorance is some excuse for those who rarely leave their environment, except perhaps for a carbon copy foreign version in the Costa del Sol, Tenerife, Cyprus, spending a fortnight arguing over sun loungers with the Germans. The expats (Pattaya version excluded) living in developing nations such as Thailand can't get away with it so easily. We see the kind of desperation that so many people, living hand to mouth, experience daily throughout their lives. And far, far worse in the likes of Burma (above photo).

Just thinking aloud. Perhaps we expat bloggers could be doing more to raise consciousness on certain issues, however uncomfortable they may be?

Thailand’s tarnished image abroad: Thai tourism in decline

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:23:00 +0000

Thailand's tourist industry is struggling. Last year we watched with astonishment as three months of protests and the unopposed occupation of Bangkok's Government House culminated in a week-long siege of the country's main airport, Suvarnabhumi, as the police stood by and did absolutely nothing. Tens of thousands of visitors were stranded by the yellow-shirt (then) anti-government PAD movement’s actions. This single event did immense harm to Thailand’s international image. This year it has been the turn of the red-shirted pro-Thaksin DAAD supporters, with clashes in the street that led to the humiliating cancellation of SE Asia’s ASEAN summit, planned for Pattaya. Regular political upheavals have reinforced a natural reluctance to visit a country which seems prone to a succession of natural disasters and man-made clangers. Thailand has had a bird flu scare, a plane crash in Phuket, the tsunami. There are regular accounts in the international press of the arrest and imprisonment of Westerners; extremely harsh penalties are sometimes imposed for what can appear to foreign observers, unfamiliar with Thailand's culture and laws, to be minor misdemeanours. Examples? Taking a beer mat from a bar, eating a doughnut on the way to a 7-11 supermarket check-out, contravening the severe lese majeste laws (for example by not standing up in a cinema during the pre-film national anthem). As a Brit, should you be rude about your own royal family during a flight to Bangkok, in the earshot of someone who takes these issues seriously, you could find yourself under arrest on arrival. The maximum lese majeste penalty for disrespectful comments about foreign royalty is two years’ imprisonment. Wherever you make them in the world.

Few customers, plenty of pollution in Chiang Mai...

On top of all this, even if limited progress has been made, Thailand still has a reputation for rampant corruption. Foreigners can feel they are tiptoeing on eggshells through some mystifying rules and regulations, and to cap it all, they appear to be somewhat 'flexible' according to occasionally rather questionable decisions and interpretations by individual officials. And it's hardly rare for an official to need an 'unofficial' payment to smooth the way...

It's dead at the Chiang Mai Saloon, on Loi Kroh Road in Chaing Mai. (The guy in red is the owner)

All serve to instil doubts into would-be travellers about the risks involved in visiting Thailand. Many seasoned travellers and long-term expats are able to come to terms with certain idiosyncrasies, which effectively boil down to respecting the Thai way of life. But expecting first-time visitors to be able to do the same? More than a little optimistic.

Things could well get worse before they get better. More political demonstrations are planned from late June. There have been rumours of one new Chiang Mai hotel being down to 10% occupancy. Bars and tourism-related businesses are closing left, right and centre. Ok this is the start of the low season, but even so. Sterling, the euro and USD are still weak compared to a few years ago, and there is little sign of Thailand's central bank relaxing its strong baht policy. Before the financial crisis began to bite, certain middle- and high-end hotel rates were rising well above inflation rate. Dwindling numbers of tourists that are still coming to Thailand are being more careful with their money. Other countries seem to be doing a better job of marketing their tourist industries, especially those S.E. Asian countries that are now selling themselves as family destinations, eating into what not so long ago seemed to be Thailand's monopoly of the tourist market in this part of the world. Bali, the Philippines, Cambodia, Malaysia and Vietnam are all making significant inroads into Thailand’s former share.

Thailand’s image has also been tarnished by accounts of high pollution in the Chiang Mai region as well as Bangkok, and endless traffic jams in its capital city. The pristine beaches and undeveloped islands of twenty years ago are a fading memory.

The town hall in Malaucene, Provence, France. The mill workers are fighting the closure of a five centuries old business, but it seems to be a lost cause...

The worrying economic situation on a global level is just exacerbating the problem. As an example just today in my little village of 2,750 people in the Provencal backwaters of France, workers from the sole industrial business in the area of any size were desperately trying to persuade the Schweitzer-Mauduit Group, American owners of Malaucene's five centuries old paper mill since 1920, not to make the final 211 employees redundant and close the mill altogether. The machines already stopped turning on April 1st of this year; some April Fool’s joke. A little piece of history, this mill has been producing paper using water from the Grozeau spring since 1545 - the oldest mill in France. A sign of how bad things are, that a business that has operated non-stop for almost five centuries is closing. And surprise, surprise – Schweitzer-Mauduit opened a 100 million dollar mill in China in 2005, making exactly the same product. The writing was on the wall. Industrial production was being moved from the West to Asia and a ready supply of cheap labour, long before the economic crisis began to bite.

Thailand has long been a popular destination for the French. A stagnating European economy will see a sizeable proportion of holidaymakers saving money and choosing to vacation much nearer to home. Some of those thinking of retirement to the Land of Smiles are now looking at different alternatives. A couple of years ago the owner of the Ad’Hoc pizzeria in Vaison la Romaine was convinced that Thailand was the place for him. Tucking into a ‘pizza royale’ there on Wednesday, he was much less enthusiastic. The euro… pollution… violence on the street… unstable politics... all came up in the course of a brief conversation, all issues raised by le patron, first.

Still on a French theme, there are some similarities between Thailand and France - the latter is also rather complacent about its value as a tourist destination. A case in point, winter sports vacations. France once held a virtual monopoly on the mass ski tourism business on their side of the Atlantic, with unrivalled infrastructure combining with natural resources and competitive prices to leave challengers far behind. But little by little less obvious ski tourism countries (eg Bulgaria, Russia), have been building up their appeal, and are starting to offer more competitive packages. To the point that some French resorts are now seriously feeling the pinch. A bit late now to think about investment in marketing, renewing infrastructure, making prices more competitive, with an increasing number of former clients having already voted with their ski boots, sliding off to considerably less expensive white slopes elsewhere. France is beginning to learn that size and even reputation isn’t everything. You have to be able to keep it up, and there are some younger and hungrier suitors out there.

Although regular travellers to the more exotic destinations are a resilient bunch, a major part of the global tourism market targets first-time visitors rather than returnees. These are considerably more fickle – it takes one worrying event, and a country can be quickly crossed off the list of possibilities.

It's the extra-low, low season in Pattaya - photo by MyThailand.com

Any positive signs from Thailand in response to the crisis? We have seen a few commercial gestures sponsored and marketed by TAT, the official Thai tourist board. Plenty of hand-waving from government officials and politicians. But the suspicion remains that Thailand will as ever muddle through, mai pen rai style. Tomorrow’s another day…

Edit 13.06.2009: Personal Thailand has some interesting facts on corruption taken from the recent NACC study

Edit 13.06.2009: Bangkok Blogger has a great post on the nitty gritty survival problems of ordinary Thais because of the current lack of tourists, and some quite astonishing personal anecdotes from his last week around the Big Mango... click her for "Bar Girls, Restaurant Girls, and Laundry Girls"

David Carradine's Death Photo

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:32:00 +0000

The Thais seem to have a ghoulish liking for explicitly gory photos; or at least, Thailand’s media does. The latest example is ‘Grasshopper’ David Carradine’s death photo, published by one of Thailand’s tabloid newspapers, Thai Rath.

Those living in Thailand are used to this from all sides of the popular media, print and TV. Road accidents and their victims are shown in vivid detail. Perhaps it is that the Thais have come to terms with the reality of death while we prefer to keep it ‘locked away in a closet’, pretending that it doesn’t exist. From a very early age, children receive Buddhist teachings about the inevitability of birth, ageing, pain and death, how to come to terms with the natural processes of life.

Or is the use of such graphic images simply a cynical manipulation by a relatively unfettered press? Hardly a day passes without images of bloodied corpses featuring in lead articles in the Thai popular newspapers. Earlier this year we were treated to snaps of piles of bodies, burnt beyond recognition, outside Bangkok’s Santika discotheque. More recently, strolling past the news stands, you might have spotted a front page photo of a man’s head, hanging from a rope tied to the Rama IV bridge in Bangkok. No, not a grisly murder scene. The portly suicide victim had used rather too long a rope to hang himself, with gruesome consequences.

Khao Sod is another culprit amongst the Thai tabloids. The entire front page can be plastered with sickening images of death in all its forms, from car smashes, to bullet-ridden murder victims. David Carradine’s photo, if that is what it is, is mild in comparison.

How hypocritical are we though. We profess disgust at the in-your-face hardcore images, the lack of respect for the families involved. Yet today there are reports that one in five of all worldwide Google searches are for “David Carradine’s death photo”. We buy the tabloids and spurn the more measured, informative publications. We feast on reality TV shows and the suffering of others. Our morbid fascination for sensationalist images and news drives the news machine, and publishers fall over themselves to satisfy our insatiable appetite for more.

There has been a half-hearted recent attempt by a group of Thai academics to persuade the Thai media to tone down its approach. Their complaint was that the showing of such images was not only tasteless, but that they were shocking for children, and shamed the families of those involved. However the banner proclaiming the sacrosanct freedom of the press (at least in this domain, if not the political arena) will as usual be brandished high by affronted publishers, and the dumbing down of the worldwide media and its followers will continue apace. A familiar phrase to those in the business, "if it bleeds, it leads". So much for journalistic integrity.

This is not some kind of ‘Third World’ phenomenon. Kids everywhere are being blitzed with violence through their game consoles, TV screens and the internet. The threshold for satiation is rising; the suppliers of thrill and titillation compete with each other to supply ever more shocking images to grasp our dwindling attention.

Oh yes I forgot, David Carradine’s death photo. Sorry, if you’re one of the multitudes of people searching for a fix of the macabre, I won’t post a link to it here, not least because there is no evidence that it is genuine. I understand from more circumspect sources that it shows a decidedly ordinary looking and small room for the 5-star Swissotel Nai Lert Park hotel suite, where Carradine was staying. So here’s a pleasant, non-violent photo instead. Life, instead of death. Ha, fooled you! Anyone who typed those four words into your search engine... well maybe it's time to rethink your priorities?!

Update 08.06.09 2340hrs Thailand: The photo was withdrawn from their Internet site by Thai Rath earlier today. One would be forgiven for thinking that the publication is itself having doubts about the authenticity of the photo. What a surprise. Not.

For those of you that have actually seen 'the' photo, here is one of the Nai Lert Park's 'ordinary' rooms. Not even a suite. David Carradine, unsurprisingly, was staying in one of the 5-star hotel's suites.

Update: 10.6.2009: The Bangkok Bugle is following up on this story. Latest reports are of the Carradine family's outrage at developments, only to be further exacerbated today by the appearance of what this time seems to be a genuine photo of David Carradine's autopsy on a Hungarian website. The US-based website examiner.com is making an indirect appeal to American tourists to consider boycotting Thailand, if it fails to recognise the strength of US feelings in this matter. The authenticity of the original Carradine death photos remain in doubt. Check out the latest news at the Bangkok Bugle.

Brash Bangkok, culture-hound Chiang Mai, pornographic Pattaya, innocent Isaan - which one is your Thailand?

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:05:00 +0000

Wherever you go in Thailand, fitting in anonymously isn’t an option. In European countries, if we keep our mouths shut and our gestures to a minimum, remove the Hawaiian shirts and don’t wear socks with shorts, Westerners abroad can just about pass for locals. However in Asia we stand out like big, calloused, and rather ugly, sore thumbs. There’s only so far the farang can go to merge in. Many fail miserably.

This doesn’t bother those of a certain attitude in the least. Arrogant, intolerant and nationalistic, convinced of the superiority of Western civilisation generally, and of their own country specifically, they display their ignorance and disrespect like strutting peacocks, feathers in full display posture. Except their plumes only appear brilliant and exotic to themselves and their ilk. They have about as much subtlety and as many brain cells as the average peacock too. (No criticism of peahens intended) (Beware: lots of blatant stereotyping and unfounded assertions in this blog entry ;-)

Away from the glitz of the tourist areas, there is another Thailand...

Which brings me to PATTAYA - Apologies to some of the very decent and atypical folk who live there, but a lot of male tourists with this mindset - and some expats too - often graduate to the likes of Pattaya; Nana Plaza in town form, with a beach grafted on. Given the excellent alternatives, why go there in the first place? Cobbled together in a haphazard Thai fashion without bothering with town planning, this sprawl of ugliness has few redeeming features. Before you get to the city proper, there are miles upon miles of ‘moo ban’ villa-style villages, often half-empty. Their mostly Western owners fly in and out occasionally, leaving these ‘communities’ to the minority of all-year-round expats, a few rich Thais, security patrols, maids, sweet and pretty young Thai things, and swimming pool attendants.

I’ve stayed in one a few times, and by chance on one occasion most of the neighbours were there at the same time. A cul-de-sac of high walls and automated gates, enclosing well-tended gardens, neat little pools and luxurious villas; an oasis of calm. But you could be anywhere – Provence, the Seychelles, Jamaica, what’s the difference? Much as my host is a genial chap and an all-round good egg, I start to fidget almost immediately.

The usual pattern. Beers, lots of them, as the chaps, curiously all from somewhere near Birmingham in the UK, put the world, and Thailand of course, to rights. The mainly Thai ladies/girls usually happily hang around in the background, variously chatting and cooking. I just don’t fit in – I know it, and they know it, no matter how hard I try to bluff my way though. A couple more days reading a book, a few dips in the pool, and I’ve had enough. There are few other options in Pattaya; hardly anything is within walking distance of the moo bans, just more deserted sois of luxury, silently shouting; “Keep out! This is Little Farangland”. Or take a long taxi drive into the ‘city’ in the evening, and explore a seedy, run-down ramble of streets whose sole purpose is to cater to the baser tourist needs, peopled by a mix of hard-eyed Thais looking for the next opportunity, and insolent, smart aleck, mostly drunk farangs, making fools of themselves.

Sure the latter has its appeal – seeing a melting pot of cultures come together to satisfy the overpowering need for sexual release is fascinating for a while. There’s a never-ending flow of great photo opportunities and exciting stories from Walking Street and surrounds, as some of the Pattaya-based blogs show. Bar and street fights, explicit sex, desperate bar girls with fixed smiles often hiding scorn and disgust. Quietly angry Thai males who have learned to despise the invaders, while depending on them to earn their livings. Flabby, aging Westerners with roving eyes and hands; opinionated, loud-mouthed, intolerant and mocking of the 'inferior' local Thai inhabitants. Sweaty and beer-breathed, sexual prowess boosted by a cocktail of alcohol and Viagra, they prowl the streets looking for the next conquest to brag about.

And these farangs are the ‘ethical’ sex tourists and sexpats. Behind the scenes there is a murky sub-culture easily tapped into by the determined paedophile. Smut comes in various shades, and the Walking Street façade only gives a glimpse of the more garish, barely legal variety.

So for certain visitors the appeal can pall pretty quickly, and soon I’m looking for an excuse to escape to a different Thailand, where there are at least a few of humanity’s higher virtues on display. There’s something ugly about in-your-face Pattaya that leaves me vaguely depressed, with a craving to see something beautiful – a guileless smile, an honest, unpretentious gesture, a simpler Thai lifestyle, relatively unpolluted by our so-called Western ‘values’.

[photo by catherine of http://catherinewentworth.com/]

BANGKOK – an explosion of noise, smells, and shocking visuals, often all the more exaggerated because this is where first-time visitors usually start out. If you have never been to Asia before, it can be mind-blowing, days passing in a haze of half-remembered sights, tastes and impressions, wandering an alien world that bears little or no relation to our westernised idea of civilised city life. Bangkok has everything a farang could possibly want and a lot more besides that some might prefer to do without. After the initial ‘hit’, I need to get out quick to retain my sanity. Bangkok carries you away on pounding waves of sensation, and I’m rudderless and dismasted within hours of arrival, even after numerous visits. Could I live there? Maybe twenty or thirty years ago, fresh from living in Madrid, London, Paris, Milan… one big city is pretty much like another, cosmopolitan behemoths that breed unexpected friendships and chilling indifference, and which need savvy, determination and enthusiasm to survive and prosper. Now I just want to get away from it all… or so I try to convince myself.

ISAAN – if there’s anywhere to get away from it all, parts of Isaan certainly fit the bill. It’s a huge province, and I won’t even attempt to try to describe how it is to live there on a full time basis – I’ll leave that up to the bloggers on the spot. The few weeks I have spent in villages in the north-east have been disconcertingly challenging on a personal level. Despite thinking otherwise, I soon realised how addicted to sensation, a constant need to be diverted, I have become in the West. The pace of life in Isaan, the simplicity, may appeal emotionally and intellectually, the back to basics dream… but the reality? That’s something else. Daily life is a mundane ritual of simple survival activities for many local and often unimaginably poor Thais, and there just isn’t that much going on outside the fundamental necessities of community living, where ordinary folk just do very ordinary things most of the time. Controversy is supplied when a villager cheats at cards. Headline news is when a buffalo gets run over by a local farang. Could I live there on a permanent basis? I’m not sure. Plenty of small and medium-sized towns, but they lack the vibrancy and complexity of the more important urban communities such as Chiang Mai, plus I like the choice Chiang Mai offers – there you can both live the quiet, rural life, and take a quick trip into town and soak up the atmosphere for a day, before you become too much of a hermit.

CHIANG MAI has something for everyone. Admittedly your average Pattaya addict would become quickly bored, but Chiang Mai does have its seedier side, if limited to a couple of very small and relatively unostentatious parts of the city. Sex is less overtly advertised, the girls are less demanding and softer of face and attitude. Violence, crime? It occurs – it is even, sadly, on the rise, with a mix of problems generated by increasingly hard times economically, and growing numbers of illegal workers arriving mainly from nearby Myanmar. But it still feels safe to be on the streets, at any time of day or night. While taking sensible precautions, of course.

Chiang Mai has its Thai pride. Farangs are tolerated, even liked when they show respect for the city, its culture and people. But we remain dispensable, a minor part of the whole picture, one which the majority of local inhabitants have little need of, dependency on, or interaction with. I like that. I like that a lot.

For those with a broad range of interests, who find Bangkok too heady and overpowering, Pattaya too much of a reminder of what’s wrong with humanity, country life impoverished Thai-style too much of a challenge to personal insecurities - and who came to Thailand to meet Thais and discover something both about other ways of life as well as about themselves - Chiang Mai is the perfect compromise. It’ll do for me.
______________________________________________

So, what do the experts say, the expats on the spot? – I’ve left out some blogs that I appreciate for other reasons, but here are a few that give me a bit of an insight into living and surviving as a farang in the places mentioned…

Bangkok

Dan's blog epitomises frantic Bangkok, with a mind that skitters from politics to sex to food and back again, apparently at complete random. A helter skelter ride through all that is Bangkok. Absolutely. Once a very welcoming chap, if you decide to call in on him unawares these days, you'll need rubber gloves for the electrified fencing, a thick blanket to cover the razor wire and jagged broken glass on top of his wall, a hacksaw for the iron bars in all the windows, and some sleeping tablets for the Doberman. No half measures where Dan is concerned, once he's been robbed. Ok, well it was five times in three weeks...

Bangkok Blogger is one I found recently. BB recounts stories of the wonderful (mainly go-go establishments) and the weird (this one about a superstition involving a bridge, ghosts, and sanitary towels)... Amazing Thailand.

GregToDiffer is a quirky Canadian who just loves the big city. Why? "Why not?" he replies. "Well, it’s just never boring here. Between the chaotic traffic, the ‘quiet nights’ that spiral wildly out of control, the ridiculous politics, the cheap and awesome food, and the interesting people, even a ho-hum evening is likely to reward you with an interesting story or two. So, while I try to write about Thailand in general as often as I can, much of this blog ends up being about my experiences living in Bangkok." Read his then and now post, Bangkok in the 70s to the modern day.

Pattaya

I recently came across the Pattaya Photo Blog, maintained by a young lady of unknown origin and occupation, but who bombards and twitters the web with a non-stop colourful slide show of Pattaya images, seemingly day and night. She doesn't write much, I've no idea what makes her tick, but her pics say it all, and more.

Just to prove my blog is one big stereotype, Spike at Pattaya Days shows that there is an entirely different side to Pattaya - if you look hard enough. Great photos, stories, a keen mix of fun and self-parody.

Isaan

Martyn does a good line in irony too. His Beyond the Mango Juice mixers take you into a Jack Daniels world of Isaan contemplations, some of which require joining him in a large one to get a handle on his unique interpretations of life with and without his Wonderful Wi(fe). Obscure, provocative at times, often moving. Great stuff from Udon Thani. Going back to an older blog of Martyn's, I love this photo of his. Why aren't British kids like that?

Brunty has a very Isaan Style blog, and it's one of the most comprehensive and informative accounts around on life in the province. Teaching in a local school in Ubon Ratchathani, he is the oracle on all things educational.

Surin is home to a sexagenarian Englishman and his Thai Girl. His books and blog rove from the wistful to the sardonic, and both provide a profound insight into life in 'real' Thailand, far from the madding crowds of farangs in the likes of Pattaya.

The North, Chiang Mai

The Village Farang lives his Thai Village Life somewhere near to Chiang Rai, as far as I can make out. If you need any proof that a contemplative and contented lifestyle can be lived far away from the hubbub of city life, VF provides it throughout his thoughtful and thought-provoking writings. Prepare to read between the lines - and between the lines that lie between the lines...

Si vous parlez francais, this young lady is teaching in Chiang Mai, and gives a refreshing view of the capital of North Thailand, through her energetic and enthusiastic blog, Un Ptit Tour en Asie. Nice stories and some great photos, well worth a quick skim through for the pics even if you don't speak French...

Other places

The dry humour and keenly regimented mind of Mike speaks to us though My Thai Friend, and shows just how it is possible to live the quiet life in his little corner of the Land Of Smiles, somewhere near Prachuap Khiri Khan in the bottom bit of Thailand. Yes I completely ignored the southern part of the Kingdom in my blog. having never been anywhere near it. Perhaps Mike might tell us how it compares to those places I did stereotype...

Kanchanaburi is the home of Malcolm and his Thai wife Ciejay, and he is Retired in Thailand and Loving It immensely. Where is it? Somewhere near the Bridge over the River Kwae (Kwai), left a bit, up a bit, from Bangkok. Malcolm is determined to live every moment to the full, and this shines through his blogs in that especially American way. Who's knocking it - he's happy, and there's no arguing with that...

Suphanburi is in the same area, up a bit, left a bit from Bangkok. Thai Pirate Ben navigates through life from here, variously landscape gardening, blogging and eating, as far as I can make out. Consistently excellent blog from the man with green fingers and a wooden peg.

Saraburi is one of those places the 'Express Coach' from Chiang Mai has meandered through, somewhere not long before arriving in Bangkok. Young Jonny Foreigner lives there, blogging on all things Thai, from politics to morals to family life and his handsome and obviously brainy 7 month old son...

Last but not least, although she's Bangkok-based, her blogs are less on everyday life in the Big Mango than how to communicate with the indigenous people actually living there. As such her blogs are always worth a read, full of ideas and suggestions, because if you actually intend coming to live in the Land of Smiles, being able to converse with Thai people, even at a basic level, will add so much more to the experience. Women Learning Thai... and some men too ;-), by Catherine...

This Is Thailand

Chiang Mai Thailand - foreign residents summoned to police station

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Sun, 31 May 2009 19:51:00 +0000

A sudden crackdown on farang residents has seen unannounced police visits to addresses previously provided by foreign residents to Thai immigration. The officers handed over forms for completion, with a list of questions asking for detailed personal information to be provided.

The forms, in Thai only, require that the farang give a full physical description, including:

Skin colour, width of forehead, nose size, body shape/size, voice pitch, height, as well as any distinguishing marks...

I know we farangs all look alike, but even so!...

Should that not be sufficient to identify the Thailand-resident farang, were he to suffer sudden memory loss, death, or some other quite serious condition, the police also require full details of your occupation, hobbies (hobbies?!!...), a copy of your passport, photos, and your telephone number. In some areas of Thailand, foreigners are being fingerprinted.

The police are also asking local Thai residents if they know of any other farangs living in the area, who may not be registered with immigration, or who have since moved and not provided their new address to the authorities.

So... why the sudden crackdown? The main reason allegedly is an increase of illegal Burmese workers into the area, combined with potential problems linked to the economic downturn, and which the police suggest may force poorer Thais into crime as well. The figures seem to reflect an increase across a whole range of criminal activities in recent months in the Chiang Mai area; muggings, house and car theft, bag snatching, even murder.

Obviously farangs are considered prime targets for this crime surge, and with the tourist industry having suffered enough from the political upheavals of the past, the police are hoping that these measures will help to offset any further damage to Thailand's reputation.

Somehow I don't feel reassured. Being asked for the detailed physical description above, in the light of the worrying crime trends, feels a bit like being measured for your own coffin...

This Is Thailand; a stranger side to Chiang Mai and the north, in photos

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Sun, 31 May 2009 16:56:00 +0000

"Hold the line please, I'm meditating"

Spirituality meets technology...

"Fancy going a round with me, tiger?"

They say the most beautiful women in Thailand are men, but some of the katoeys are hardly knock-outs...

Maybe "satisfactory workmanship" wasn't the best way of advertising our wares in these quiet times?" [Click for bigger pic to read advertising on shop window]

Some of these little tailor shops do no trade for days on end...

"Of course it's my natural skin tone! What do you mean, you can see the line?!"

Ironic - in the West women spend a fortune on tanning salons and lotions, in Thailand, on whitening creams so as not to look like the brown-skinned 'peasants' of the north-east, Isaan...

"That'll be 100 baht please"

And farangs still complain at the Thais bumping up the price for tourists ...

"Ok we'll take two iPhones, 100 Durex, and a carton of Marlboro. Bless you my son".

At the Mae Sai market, Burmese border...

In Thailand money talks, and not in English - Solution? A Thai translator from Bangkok

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Fri, 29 May 2009 18:10:00 +0000

When trying to communicate in Thailand, smiles help; but as everywhere else in the world, it seems to be money that does most of the talking. More often that we might like, it talks a little too quickly, and walks straight out of your wallet into the hands of some of the more unscrupulous Thais. Small talk can prove expensive... in a big way.

It may just be the farang’s biggest handicap in Thailand; communication. It affects nearly all of us, from the lazier long-term farang resident who just hasn’t got around to learning the lingo, to the would-be expat trying to negotiate the minefield of Thai legal and administrative issues, to the tourist who has fallen in love with the country and, possibly, a Thai girl… and who is struggling to compose letters and emails that his girlfriend can read, and to understand the replies.

Ok, without getting into the blame game – there’s fault on both sides, after all – what possible solutions are there? Thinking about a couple of incidents I blogged about a while back, it occurred to me how much money all concerned might have saved, if they’d first laid out a little money on some professional help. First there was the Alain and Jeff debacle, involving an expensive divorce, the manipulation of a rather naïve Frenchman, and all manner of communication problems. And the very next day there was an absolute classic, an English guy spending a fortune on a bar, being completely taken to the cleaners over the contract by his girlfriend and her family, and eventually finding out – after he’d paid up in full – that the leased business was in an area that was on the point of being demolished to make way for a new condo building, leaving him with a hole in the ground and an even bigger hole in his pocket. If only he had met Goy, the subject of this blog, earlier…

So rather than muddle by, paying over the odds for goods and services, going it alone in frustrating contacts with Thai bureaucracy, trying to sort out disputes with a mix of hand signals and pidgin English, why not use someone who knows the system, speaks the language like a native? Well in fact she is a native, although you would hardly know it from her great English. I came across Goy a year ago now in Bangkok, and have used her services on a couple of occasions since. Although Goy works in the Big Mango, she does much of her business online, handling assignments from all over the globe. I gave her a call to ask if she would do an interview for FrogBlogger…

FB: Hi Goy, great to chat again! Thanks for agreeing to the interview. Have things been going well since we last met?

Goy: Really well thanks! More and more farangs are realizing they could do with some professional help in communicating with Thais, in translation, interpreting, improving their own spoken and written Thai…

FB: Can you tell FrogBlogger how you started out in the translation business?

Goy: Well I had so many girlfriends who didn’t study English as hard as I did, and every time they met a nice farang boy they asked me to send him an SMS or call him, or even translate emails. The problem was that sometimes the boys asked me out, but what could I do!

That gave me the idea to start the website SMS Thailand about 2 years ago. It translates SMS messages from English to Thai or Thai to English.

FB: That sounds like a winner, is it going well?

Goy: Yes I am really happy with the response; you can see that some people did not know what the girlfriend was talking about before. Now at least they know what their other half is saying. Sometimes that is a bad thing of course! I had one customer that wrote to me and said that he finally understand the girlfriend only wanted his money. He could actually ask her real things, and she could no longer just smile and look cute back.

FB: So you’re suggesting guys don’t know what the Thai girls are saying most of the time?

Goy: Well I am pretty sure many don’t have much of a clue, and then you need to understand the Thai culture and mind to really understand what she is thinking.

I was in the immigration office with a client and I overheard a conversation between two people that were getting married. The immigration officers had to translate back and forward between the Thai girl and the guy. They could not even talk to each other, it was so funny! The immigration officer could not speak that much English either so I finally offered my help so we could get the queue going!

FB: So you help by interpreting to and from Thai as well?

Goy: Yes I like to do that because I can see it really helps people. I offer that service on the other website, Thailand Translator. I was in court for a divorce. Often law firms in Thailand hardly speak English and the ones that do charge the farang too much. I was helping a client that had been given a price of 100,000 baht for a simple case, and I solved it for 2,000 baht with no lawyers in court. The Thai lawyer had said to my client that if he did not hire her, he could go to jail for not paying money to his ex wife. He had no choice but to hire her she said!! That’s where understanding Thai culture comes in. The lawyers do not set the price for what it should cost; they quote a price on what they need for the moment. It’s incredible that some people can become lawyers in Thailand! Most divorces cases do not even need a lawyer; you just need to talk to the girl in her language. Usually she doesn’t want to go to court but language barriers and greedy lawyers push them there.

FB: Yes that sounds familiar. That’s a real problem, and a real worry for a lot of farangs who come to Thailand, finding a lawyer they can trust to do a good job... … I remember you told me you did some work in the film industry as well?

Goy: I did some work for a movie company when my ex boyfriend was an actor in one of the movies. After that I got some more work in the same business in Phuket, but I didn’t finish it.

FB: Why was that?

Goy: They had another girl working on the set as a helper, and pretty much all she could say in English was “Where you come from?” … “You stay alone?” Basically she was a bar girl. Nothing wrong with that, but one of the guys in charge had employed her at the same salary as me and she was strutting around pretending to be boss. Since he had hired her for more than just ‘translating’, she thought she could do whatever she liked. But she had no education, and no idea. It was terrible to work with her so I went back to Bangkok. I have my pride!

FB: And you teach privately as well?

Goy: Yeah. I have a funny story about what can happen when you learn to speak Thai! Before I started the website for private Thai lessons I had a student. He had work in Bangkok, but was living with his ex-Pattaya bar girlfriend up country. So every time he came to Bangkok, he hired me to teach him some Thai. After a while he got really good, and finally he began to understand what his wife was saying to her relatives. He was an educated guy from England, and he got really scared once he realised the kind of language his wife was using. She had no education, and was mostly using swear words when she was talking to her family. Really rude all the time! He broke up with her not long after that as he could not stand her bad language. When she talked English she sounded so cute, but terrible in Thai!

FB: I have heard that some girls aren’t too keen on their boyfriends learning Thai!

Goy: Yes I had some clients whose girlfriends got jealous of me, so the guys stopped learning Thai. And they often have no interest in their men starting to understand everything they are saying, it’s kind of weird.

FB: Well, maybe not quite so weird… I have no trouble imagining why some girls might be worried if their boyfriends spend too much time in lessons with you! Anyway… so now you translate emails too?

Goy: Yes on our Translate Thai emails website we offer unlimited translations each month. I have seen so many Thai girls spending 200-500 baht on internet cafe translating, and now they don’t have to. I have some clients before that had to print out the email in London, go down to a Thai restaurant to get it translated and then ask them to respond. That’s not going to work in the end. Some also tried Google or other free translation software, but come on, do you really want to risk your relationship with a Google automatic translation?! It can come out with the opposite of what you want to say! Anyway, I got many emails thanking me for helping out, and now they can finally send emails back and forth daily to their loved ones in Thailand.

FB: So how can people contact you if they want any help with Thai?

Goy: They can go to my site Thailand Translator, and I will get back to them asap.

FB: Thanks Goy! Look forward to hearing some more funny stories from the world of translation one day soon!

Goy: Thanks for having me! Hope to talk again soon :)

Now, I’m not sure if I would go to Goy for Thai lessons as I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on doing my exercises to save my life, plus my life wouldn’t be worth living anyway if my wife realized just how pretty my teacher was. So Goy’s language services do have some drawbacks! Still she comes highly recommended from me with respect to her translation work, and if you can persuade your wives and girlfriends that there is no chance of losing you to her charms, I’m sure her Thai teaching methods are excellent too… ;-)

And if anyone should get the wrong idea, beware…. Goy is a very keen Thai boxer!

Goy can be contacted at:

Thailand Translator, Ltd.
E-mail: supportATthailand-translator.com
Web: http://www.Thailand-Translator.com

goy2 [Buzznet]

frogblog — Fri, 29 May 2009 04:05:17 PDT

Goy1 [Buzznet]

frogblog — Fri, 29 May 2009 04:04:19 PDT

Farang, fat and ugly, from England? An Isaan girl's dream man

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:57:00 +0000

In that unbiased oracle of Thai wisdom The Nation, a poll of 484 single young Isaan women this week has revealed that it pays to be male, English, ugly, and of an indeterminate age, if you are in search of your perfect female partner in the north-east province of the Land of Smiles, Isaan. (No, that's not a typo - if you're Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish, you don't so much as merit a mention in their list of favourites - sorry!)

More than three-fifths of those polled, according to the paper, would like to marry a farang (Westerner). Their attractive qualities? At 61% and top of the list of reasons somewhat unsurprisingly, is that they are considered rich... by Isaan standards, at least. 53% felt that farangs were kinder and more respectful of women than their Thai male equivalents. Age, good looks? Don't even get a mention. Probably a good job, going by the state of some of the farang characters one sees wandering the sois of Thailand's towns and cities.

Also high up in the list of our irresistible and alluring qualities, it appears, is the alleged size of our appliances. Single, north-eastern Thai women fantasise over these, dreaming of lavishing tender loving care on these most prized of Western attributes all day, every day. Plumb them in, and the ladies will be in the Buddhist equivalent of seventh heaven, nirvana, for hours on end.

Beware the size of the water and electric bills though...

What more could the ladies of Isaan possibly desire, than these delectable and virile specimens of English manhood?

As desirable men go, the English... (ok, I'll grudgingly admit that The Nation probably meant the British)... top the list by some margin in the single Isaan ladies' list of preferences; 32% would like to bag themselves an Englishman. That's way ahead of the runner up, an American, at 21%. Now I have my suspicions of why that might be, and it's not because the English are the most wise, intelligent and handsome males on the planet (however true that might be).

Putting on my sceptic's hat, I've a feeling it could just be that not many Thai girls from Isaan have heard much about other parts of the Western world, and the first place that comes to mind... because they speak English there... is, well, England. Then as an afterthought, America. Not much avoiding the Americans, they get everywhere, even as far as remote Isaan jungle villages. Anywhere there's a battered old TV that the locals can watch, anyway.

But what the hell, who's complaining. It's rare enough that the English should find themselves at the top of a list of the world's most desirable men, so for once, let's brag about it ;-)

The above was padded out from the rather sketchy Nation article, here

Western society and values, R.I.P.

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 26 May 2009 07:06:00 +0000

It seems that wherever you look in town and country, Thais of all ages are busy creating. Using mundane, everyday materials, works of art are crafted. From the silversmith to the motorcycle repair shop, ingenuity is at work, with a smile and the patience of a Buddha. You would be forgiven for wondering if the Thais are an exceptionally gifted people, as they all seem to be at it. From toddlers up.

Where and when did we lose this ability in the West? Only the very rare budding genii seem to be spotted and nurtured, future concert pianists and Picassos; the talents of the remainder go unremarked, or are spurned for more materially beneficial pastimes.

Pan to typical middle-class Western household...

'Kids today'... slouched in front of a flickering scrceen, X-Box control in hand, congealing ready-meal TV dinner forgotten on the couch. Concentration span of seconds. A book? Only if it starts with "Bea" and finishes with "no"... and doesn't distract from the Cartoon Network, or the latest soap or reality TV offering. Lazy. Rude. Disrespectful. Everything that's different must be inferior by definition. Taking everything for granted in a throwaway environment. Easy come, easy go. Can't cook anything that doesn't have microwave instructions. Think a screwdriver is something that comes in a glass. Taught to look after number one, social responsibility a poor second. Prone to tantrums if they can't get what they want immediately, in this 'satisfaction guaranteed', jam today (or tomorrow at the absolute outside or we'll sue) society. Parents a joke, there to be sponged off until their kids can escape the restraints and get on with having fun, having achieved so-called 'independence'. And these are the future custodians of the West? Excuse me while I go and bury my head in the sand, and wait for the inevitable disasters to start happening. Can you imagine these selfish, maladapted little monsters growing up to be our political and business leaders, our teachers and philosophers?

Our fault of course. Human nature to accumulate, gorge on excess when we are lucky enough to have access to it. Trouble is from hunter-gatherer tribal days when such excess was to be feasted on once in a blue moon, now it's par for the course, and we don't know how to live without it. The kids themselves aren't even aware what's going on - it's all they've ever known.

Thai children still have that open-eyed innocence and wonderment. A sense of value, respect. How often when you hear the rare sound of a child wailing in Thailand, do you turn round and see it's a sulky, red-faced member of a farang family who hasn't immediately got what he/she wanted, or throwing a wobbly because he/she is hot/cold/tired/bored/doesn't like the taste... etc?

"A Wii? Just had one thanks, over there, behind the tree..."

So much for the allegedly superior Western culture. You can keep it. Thailand and the East are heading in the same direction, but it will be a while before it catches up, enough time to see me out anyway! Yep, defeatist talk, but what can I say - too much momentum has gathered for the West to step back from the brink now. We're stuck with what we've got, for better or probably for worse, and we're fated to live with the consequences. It's not as if the East can resist; Western influence, even in decline, is too powerful - and to compete the East has had to follow suit.

On balance, taking all the negative factors in Thailand into account... cronyism, corruption, superstition (although hang on - we get all that in the West too, and more)... I know where I would rather be. And believe me it's not France, where I've been forced to spend the last few months. I abandoned the UK more than a couple of decades ago for the French countryside, with similar motives - to rediscover lost family and community values that still held sway in rural France, lagging far behind the British who were desperately hanging on to the coat-tails of its Anglo Saxon cousins across the Pond, in an attempt to emulate the American Dream. But now the French are rapidly catching up with the British. Resistance is fading, materialism is taking over, the French kids are going the same way as the Brits - into a fantasy virtual world, grafted to their games consoles.

Political change? Not a hope. Modern democracy is home to photogenic shape-shifters, donning the clothes and image that best pleases the masses, and offers the quickest fix for the consumerist addiction. And no one can quit, no matter what increasingly imminent and concrete threats the future holds. It's got too firm a grip.

A positive note to finish on? Sorry, just can't think of one. Other than I suppose we might just get lucky! We've lasted this long after all...

(See what spending a few months away from Thailand back in 'civilisation' does to you?! Normal service will hopefully be resumed once I get off the plane at Svarnabhumi, June 23rd :-)

Everyone in Thailand seems to have a skill of some kind - an ancient, wheelchair-bound Thai woman makes all kinds of animals from dried palm fronds in the Chiang Mai Sunday Market. I watched her for fifteen minutes or so. She never stopped smiling...

That old chestnut... farang men, Thai girls

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Sat, 23 May 2009 07:13:00 +0000

How many times have I sat in a bar and listened in on loud farangs, a couple of drinks worse for the wear, ranting on about everything that is bad about Thailand, and Thai girls in particular? More times than I care to count. Ok you, the reader, may well be one of them - if so, feel free to carry on your rant in the comments section below!

Some of my fellow expat bloggers, slightly further out in the sticks, may not come across this phenomenon quite so much. If so, just drop in on the ThaiVisa forum, where you'll find just about every shade of prejudice that the dregs of expat communities have been able to drag up. From politics to petting, culture to copulation, the Thais, it is alleged, are the pits; all gold-digging farang-haters who think foreigners are inferior beings, unworthy of respect.

I've pretty much stopped posting on ThaiVisa as a result - the intolerance and downright nastiness gets me down.

Anyway, back to sex (when is it ever about anything else?). Most negative comments come from the older farang who is trying to relive his lost youth in LOS, and is kidding himself that the vibrant young things somehow love him for what he is, rather than what he has. Nine times out of ten that kind of relationship is doomed to fail. As it would be in Oz, the UK, or anywhere else.

Some guys just set their sights too high?

So, am I another mug that is walking into the trap, eyes closed? So far I'm very happy, 18 months into a relationship, getting married in a couple of months' time. I don't see Thailand as fundamentally different to the rest of the world - if you can find someone you're suited to, who values honesty, respect and fidelity, then you've as much chance of being happy in LOS as anywhere else. So long as you feel the same way about those values, of course.

Ok one proviso - cross-cultural relationships statistically break up quite a lot more frequently than those with fellow nationals. But if you're the flexible sort, don't take yourself or your motherland too seriously, then it can work.

I like the way female/male roles are more clearcut in LOS - I've been shot at before for saying this, and I'm really not some kind of gung-ho male chauvinist (I do the washing up and change nappies as readily as the next 'new man') (ie unhappily) (only kidding of course ;-)... but in the West these days the pint-swilling, absolutely-everything-has-to-be-shared-and-equal women, just don't attract me in the same way as their Asian equivalent. The dividing line between man and woman has become so blurred back in the UK and the US, and as a result, to me at any rate, Thai women have that extra 'femininity' that seems to be going out of fashion back home.

Beautiful, demure, feminine... but just a fading pipe-dream for aging farangs??

I also have a great affinity for Thai culture - I don't think the Western way is the only one. Thais - men or women - are far more likely to appreciate you and want to get to know you, if you don't think that they belong to some kind of inferior, primitive sub-culture that we never quite got around to colonising, 'unfortunately' for them. That however is the attitude of many farangs in Thailand. Give 'em a beer, and they'll loudly put Thai society to rights, however many Thais are in earshot. It's more than embarrassing, and I don't know about you lot, but there are times when I want to (and have) apologised for their inexcusable, disrespectful behaviour.

Here's a quote from a 'tolerant' expat from Pattaya, from another forum I contribute to ...

"I know for sure that most Thais hate our guts!"

Complete and utter rubbish. He "knows" nothing of the sort.

I've lived in Thailand for two years in total, plus I've spent a helluva long time there in lengthy visits. Thais may hate his guts (and who can blame them?), they may be sick of the patronising Western pseudo colonial attitude of some. The indigenous folk of every country around the world see would-be expats (mostly from the West) who waltz in, thinking they know it all. But going not only by my personal experience but also by that of a sizeable number of long-term expat friends who have been in LOS longer than I, it can work out just fine... at least for those with the right attitude it can, anyway.

Sure I come across embittered, cantankerous, know-it-all old expats who've had a series of failed relationships, railing against the rotten Thais who are supposedly only after their money. To be perfectly honest, I'm not in the least bit surprised that they feel the Thais "hate their guts". They probably do, in certain cases.

Odd isn't it - no one's taken me for a ride, very few have tried, and those that have you can pretty much see where it's heading anyway, it's all rather transparent. I have good Thai friends, some of whom have at least as much money as I do. We talk about everything, many are really keen to find out more about the West, its attitudes towards Thailand and SE Asia. It's a relationship of equals. These are the sort of contacts I'm talking about, with real Thais, not stupid generalisations that are mostly formed down the local from chats and less than satisfactory attempts at relationships with bar girls.

What odds a successful relationship with a go-go dancer? Outside the Spotlight, Chiang Mai

The vast majority of Thais have little or no contact with farangs, and their vision of Westerners can be somewhat warped by the sight of sexpats crowding into Pattaya, so it's up to us to correct that unfortunate impression. It is possible - as those visitors who make an effort to integrate, and who enjoy warm and loving relationships with Thais - have managed to prove. Come on guys, speak out... don't let the Thai-haters have the final word. It can, and does work. For someone hoping to find a good relationship in Thailand, of course it can be done. No one, least of all me, is suggesting that everything in the garden's rosy. But that's no different wherever you are in the world.

A lot of guys do indeed turn up in LOS seeing it as the Garden of Eden, the ideal place for a second chance, combined with low costs. Of course they are vulnerable to being ensnared by the highly expert young flatterers that will be delighted to extract as much money from them as they are prepared to donate. But more fool the ageing expats who think that they can find true love in the bars with girls sometimes as much as 30 years younger. Not that even that is impossible. But imagine going into a pub in the UK as a sexagenarian and trying to pick up a girl in her 20s. Short of being a millionaire or having 'seasoned' film star looks, you would be given pretty short shrift.

Cultural differences are pretty marked. Those who aren't able to adapt easily, "when in Rome" and all that, will struggle. You may be lucky and find a Thai partner who can easily adapt to Western ways, but on the whole the Thais find this quite hard. Firstly you are a guest in Thailand, and a pretty widely-held unspoken feeling of most Thais is that most of the adapting should be done by you. Secondly, few Thais have even so much as travelled to Laos, forget Europe or anywhere in the West, so our culture is pretty alien to them. Especially as they get little exposure to it outside the occasional film, and they watch a lot less US-made stuff than you might imagine.

These cultural differences are pretty major, after thousands of years of separate development. Certain values and understandings are just not shared between the two countries. So key to things working out is open-mindedness, on both sides. If you can't be flexible, are incapable of appreciating life through new eyes, then any relationship is pretty much doomed to failure.

One common complaint from farangs is the pressure to donate money to the family cause, mum and dad, aunt, uncle and buffalo, away in the sticks somewhere. But Thailand has zero state social or health funding for the elderly (or anyone else), and the family support structure is pretty much the only way of surviving past useful working age, short of begging in the street. Over the ages the Thai people have developed a close-knit family/community system. All Thais consider it an honour to look after their family into old age, even if it means sacrificing a sizeable part of their own income to that end. Not to do so is seen as the most shameful of behaviour. They consider that they owe gratitude to their parents for looking after them - almost the opposite to the attitude of kids in the West, these days!

As this is such a fundamental, ingrained part of the Thai psyche, it is virtually impossible for them to understand how so many in the West more or less abandon their parents at the first possible opportunity. So asking us for money that they then give to their family, they don't see as the least bit manipulative. When we start a relationship with a Thai girl, we start a relationship with her family too, in a manner of speaking. It is part and parcel of the deal, and your partner will see it as perfectly natural and fair. If you grumble, they will see you as mean-spirited and disrespectful. Here once again a middle ground in understanding has to be found - cross-cultural relationships need flexibility, goodwill and understanding on both sides.

Anyone about to launch themselves into a relationship excessively influenced by my optimism - please don't sue if it all goes pear-shaped (and not only the hour-glass figure of your dream Thai girl). Think through just how adaptable you are, as well as how easily or otherwise your partner can acclimatise to your Western foibles. And do some reading - across the blogs, and also some of the published stuff. Here are a few recommendations:

First of all, the obvious one for newbies. "Thailand Fever" should be at the top of the must-buy list for every guy (or gal come to that) intent on a relationship with a Thai. And while you're at it, give it to your girl to read - it will be an eye-opener to her too, as every other page is written in Thai, and will really help her to understand what makes Westerners tick. Read the reviews of the book here.

Andrew Hicks is a guy I've corresponded with a fair bit, and he has written some great and witty stuff on his relationship with a Thai girl. The book is called ... er ... Thai Girl. There's an equally good sequel, called My Thai Girl and I. Check out his website for details.

"Very Thai, Everyday Popular Culture" by Philip Corawel-Smith (verythai.com) is another great read, with some excellent insights.

Plenty can't help themselves... but if you want to play with fire, be prepared for the consequences...

A more cynical view about the bargirl scene is "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather. The cult classic novel about an expat who loses the plot amongst the bars of the Big Mango. A definite must-read.

Jesse Gump's "Even Thai Girls Cry" I really liked. Picked up my copy in the local second-hand bookshop, couldn't find it new. Moving stuff, a supposedly fictional story, reads rather as if the author is recounting his own experiences...

Finally, a book I'll be getting next month when I get back to Thailand, Sex Talk by Kaewmala. I've been told it's well worth a read, coming from the point of view of a Thai woman for a change, rather than a farang male author. As the blurb describes it, a “guidebook to Thai sexual culture.”

I've read a whole lot more, but that's a taster. Most have been written by farangs who have made a go of it, and their relationships, in Thailand. Not without struggle and compromise at times, but that can be said about any relationship, even in your own country.

Any other reading recommendations from fellow expats? Feel free to add them below!

Of course... if you can't make up your mind... there's always this option!

Thai sense of humour?

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 19 May 2009 11:36:00 +0000

Different cultures, different attitudes, a very different sense of humour... or is it? British irony, sarcasm will go straight over the head of the average Thai. Most Thais seem to love visual humour, slapstick, the risqué.

Borrowing an ancient scooter I asked for the key. The response of the katoey 'ladyboy' owner had everyone in fits. When finally they got around to explaining, the translation went: "A key? She's an ancient whore, stick anything in her and she'll perform..."

O.... kay....

So what's the joke? The onlookers don't seem that amused as a Thai policeman prepares to issue a ticket...

Of course the katoeys themselves are the 'butt' of much humour in Thailand. They often take the place of the Western clown in sitcoms. Dressing up has Thais in stitches. Slapstick and impersonations go down a treat. Being 'PC' isn't a concern - Race and sex are always good for a giggle - not least, the farangs. Jokes about being overweight? Dwarfism? Not a problem.

But some humour is global. Maybe we're not so different after all...

The most beautiful women in Thailand...

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 12 May 2009 11:02:00 +0000

... are men.

Or so it is claimed...

Of course, there are always the exceptions that prove the rule!

The above snapped at the Yasothon rocket festival this past week, where cross-dressing is de rigueur.

Much as the often dainty physique and soft, almost feminine features of many Thais often lend themselves to dressing up as girls, and sometimes very effectively too, there's many a girl hidden inside somewhat less dainty chaps, just longing to get out. And when they do escape, you have to hand it to them. They've got a nerve!

Shocking Pink

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 12 May 2009 05:24:00 +0000

Home for the next six months in Chiang Mai, although I have some misgivings about the colour. My first thought was that I hope it doesn't give the local katoeys (ladyboys) the wrong idea... but then, perhaps the Thais don't have the same colour stereotypes as we Westerners? After all, his Majesty was photographed leaving hospital in a pink suit last year, whereupon what seemed to be the entire Thai nation spontaneously emerged from their homes in a sea of pink over the next few days.

What colour to wear is an increasing dilemma for Thais in these difficult political times. After the PAD movement appropriated the royal yellow last year, their opponents responded by turning out in blood-red t-shirts and bandannas. In the recent Pattaya confrontation which saw an embarrassing cancellation of the ASEAN summit, a new group was on the street, clad in blue.

So we're fresh out of primary colours, and much of my preferred t-shirt wardrobe is going to have to be thrown out. Black and brown are depressing, white doesn't stay white long in the dust and smoky exhaust fumes of central Chiang Mai, green isn't such a bad idea if only because it goes with how I feel when faced with a plate of grilled Isaan insects. But there are only so many shades of green you can wear. So maybe I'll have to put aside my inbuilt aversion to pink, and start sporting some more adventurous colours from now on. Cerise, coral, fuchsia, raspberry, rose, salmon pink, shell pink, shocking pink, the possibilities are endless.

All the same, I think I'll give the favourite katoey haunts of Chiang Mai a miss. And pink socks are definitely out.

Rocket Festival Yasothon Isaan Thailand 13 [Buzznet]

frogblog — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:37:11 PDT

The aptly named Bang Fai (rocket) festival takes place each May in Yasothon

Kuen Ban Mai, a house blessing, Yasothon

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:35:00 +0000

It's going to a quiet little affair, nothing special... or words to that effect. So I have been regularly informed about the forthcoming marriage ceremony this coming August in Yasothon, somewhere in the depths of Isaan that I have yet to visit. I always get a bit worried when my wife-to-be repeats herself several times, it usually means I've got something that she knows will seriously worry me coming my way, but to spare me the trouble of pointless anxiety, she is altruistically 'keeping the whole truth from me'. So kind and thoughtful...

Kuen Ban Mai, Yasothon, May 8th

Having just donated to the worthy cause of a 'little' kuen ban mai house blessing ceremony for Ploy's aunt, I asked for a few photos. "How many people came?" "Oh, four hundred dah-ling." "A little ceremony, you said?" "This is Thailand, dah-ling!"... as if that explained everything. Well, in a way, I suppose it does.

Just a few tables being laid out...

I asked a few more probing questions, and was increasingly confused by the answers. I ventured that I didn't understand. "Why you not understand me?" came the reproachful response. A pause as I searched for something tactful to say, before she offered this follow-up... "but it ok dah-ling. I not understand what I say either". Time to surrender - end of conversation!

'Jerm', marks that will bless anyone passing through the front door...

But the longed-for return to Thailand is fast approaching, so spirits in France are lifting and being drunk in celebration at the same time as they are being appeased and invoked in my aunt-in-law's house blessing ceremony. A little more than a month to go, and it's au revoir - but sadly not adieu - la France, and sawat di krap Thailand for six more months.

Four months since I've seen the little one, now five months old...

Not so impressed by big get-togethers, apparently...

Chewing one's little toe off is much more fun...

And even that gets boring after a while...

Flashback Cambodia : The capital, Phnom Penh

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Getting into Cambodia costs you a 20 dollar visa fee. Well it should. I’d forgotten to bring any of the world's preferred currency, so an eagle-eyed airport official waiting to pounce on newbies and idiots who should have known better by now (my third trip to the capital) disappeared with a wad of baht, and my 20 bucks were obtained for about 30 bucks-worth of the Thai currency. Be warned.

I approached the desk with ID, my 20 USD receipt, entry form completed with fictitious hotel name (I hadn’t a clue where I would be staying), and a passport-sized photo I had remembered to bring at the last minute. My passport was grabbed by an carnivorous-looking customs officer, possibly a woman but I wouldn’t swear to it. She looked like Hannibal Lector on a bad day, already sizing me up for body parts after my inevitable incarceration. All documents disappeared beneath the counter, and the nervous lengthy wait for them to be examined minutely by a line of some fifteen officials slumped in their chairs. Crew-cut scalps topped by outsized caps bobbed up and down, as each officer in turn stared suspiciously at the edgy white faces, searching for signs of criminal intent. Surprisingly, I was eventually permitted to enter the Kingdom of Cambodia.

Total chaos awaited on the streets outside. At least that’s the first impression to the newly arrived ‘barang’ (Khmer term for farang, white foreigner). Brits will be even more terrified than in Thailand where at least the Thais drive on the ‘right’ side of the road (ie the left). The Khmers however drive on the wrong side, ie the right as in continental Europe, the States etc. Well, sometimes they do. At other times, when it suits them, they drive in the middle, on the left against the flow, or occasionally on the pavement. All sides are the right side to the Cambodian driver.

A motodop (motorcycle taxi) took me from the airport into town for 8,000 riels (a couple of dollars), and as usual my life flashed before my eyes about a hundred times in the first mile. After that, I mostly kept them shut. Thailand is like a demonstration class of road sense by Advanced Driving School instructors in comparison. So be warned.

Still determined to hire a bike for your visit? A few basic rules then.

- On speed...

Tough one. Pretty much as in Thailand – if you’re big, you have right of way. Which is all very well if you’re at the wheel of a truck. Blast your horn, and Khmers will quickly get out of your path. But you’re not driving a truck, because you’re a barang and not allowed to hire anything bigger than a bike. Ok if you drive fast there's less need to have eyes in the back of your head, but that's little consolation when you're being scraped up from the road because you didn't expect that truck to take you out from behind. Besides, in town most Khmers drive slowly, in a kind of intricate traffic weave that's a complete mystery to most Westerners. So just join the flow. It might take you to a totally different place to the one you'd hoped to visit, but at least there's a fair chance you'll get there alive.

- Not hitting anything...

Your status as a barang doesn’t result in the locals giving you a wide berth. On the contrary – with or without suntan you are identifiable as a barang at several hundred metres, and are therefore fair game – skin tax applies. What this means according to Khmer logic is that you’re a foreigner and shouldn’t be on Cambodia’s roads anyway, so if an accident happens it’s unquestionably your fault. Plus you’re rich by definition and therefore good for the extortion of as much money as the ‘victim’ can get away with. Still, they won’t drive into you deliberately, so – just don’t hit anything.

- Crossroads (intersections)...

These have only recently acquired traffic lights, and only a few at that. So negotiating them requires a mix of balls and bluff. Force your way across, everyone does it. It might look as if the 4x4 bearing down on you has no intention of stopping, but that’s part of the game. Plus your white skin might work to your advantage (unless he’s a Vietnam vet of the non-English speaking variety – Cambodia has a sizeable Vietnamese population). Mostly though killing a white man leads to excessive hassle and red tape, so the chances are he’ll reluctantly slam on the anchors at the last possible moment.

- Turning left, crossing the traffic...

This is where the fun starts. You need eyes like a chameleon’s; capable of swivelling in all directions and of looking both forwards and backwards at the same time. Failing this, good peripheral vision will have to do. First of all check the pavement, left and right. Vehicles of all types can suddenly emerge from this without warning. Now take your life in your hands and turn left, but NOT crossing the traffic. Stay as close to the kerb as possible, driving against the flow. Oncoming traffic will happily swerve around you. Wait your chance. When a gap appears, nip out chop chop... your left eye checking that the oncoming traffic is aware of your move, your right eye simultaneously scanning the right lane traffic for a tiny space to zip into. If there isn’t one, shut your now useless swivel eyes, and pray.

So how did I get on driving in Cambodia? Three visits now. And I use tuk-tuks and motodops all the time. Drive in Cambodia, what do you think I am – mad!?!

Tuk-tuk Mr. Udon takes a much needed rest from the stresses and strains of chauffeuring me around

Still, even with your own personal chauffeur, heart-stopping moments are regular occurrences throughout the day. If you need a relaxing drink to calm the nerves, I recommend the Shanghai – very similar in style and atmosphere to my favourite No. 1 Bar in Chiang Mai. Great food, free pool tables, and a haunt of some streetwise local expats, useful for first-timers who need a quick explanation of the do’s and don’ts around the Khmer capital. And there are plenty of the latter – Cambodia is not for the faint-hearted.

Pulling pints at the Shanghai, corner of Street 51 and 174, Phnom Penh

Life hangs by a slender thread...

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 21:20:00 +0000

A sober mood this morning. It's just a couple of days since half jokingly I'd blogged about a friend dicing with death - luckily escaping relatively unscathed from the mangled remains of my Peugeot that he'd borrowed, after a close encounter with a wild boar. The boar didn't make it, and the car is in intensive care and unlikely to pull through.

Then twenty four hours later, at almost exactly the same spot, a friend of a friend swerved to dodge another boar, but plunged over the bridge into the river below.

It was a horrible sight. Chancing on the wreck, hidden in the ravine under the bridge for the best part of a day, Richard looked as if he'd struggled to get out of the vehicle, on its roof in the water, but couldn't get the door open. A police helicopter had searched for him all day to no avail - trees hid the car from view.

Richard was a highly popular guy in the village of Malaucène here in the Vaucluse; some way past middle age, but always full of life. Ironically he was a dedicated hunter, and spent as much time as he could in the Ventoux foothills, chasing the elusive sanglier during daylight hours. His bad luck that the one crossing his path that night had always managed to escape the hunters' guns.

Another reminder that life hangs by a slender thread, while we waste so much time planning for, and worrying about tomorrow...

A fragile plume of wood smoke hangs in the still, chill winter air above the scene of the accident, early this morning.

Thailand: Best blogs from the Land Of Smiles

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:02:00 +0000

Back in the Land of Smiles (only in spirit, unfortunately), I've been browsing through a few of my favourite blogs. There are plenty more quality writers where these came from, but here are a few to be going on with. More another time...

A special mention for "Thai Girl" (which is the title of the first of his books, referring to his partner, and doesn't indicate the gender of the writer). Andrew Hicks is a natural storyteller, with a hint of scepticism running through his blogs - all of which are really good and witty reads, with some excellent photos. I've read "My Thai Girl and I" (the sequel); couldn't put it down. Andrew is trying to raise funds for his local school at the moment, and if you read this entry, you'll understand why. All offers of assistance much appreciated. Great effort Andrew...

Ben - "The Thai Pirate" - has a ton of info, nice photos, blogs regularly, and a quirky style. Love the variety, love the thoughtful, in-depth comments.

Hoo Don of "Beyond the Mango Juice" has a Jack Daniels style all of his own. Invariably funny, a bit mad, and somehow manages to keep up a regular and unique blog despite spending a fair bit of time Beyond the Mango Juice, rather than in it. Makes you feel you're right there with him - which is what story telling is all about. Great stuff. Self-deprecating at times, the emotion just pours through...

The blog written by Mike 'the TEFL Don' of My Thai Friend is a great way of learning about the Thai induction process for would-be expats. A dry, down-to-earth style, not afraid to let you have his opinions on most things, what you see is what you get. Has me hooked...

I wish Kevin of "Riff Raffles" hotel in Pattaya would blog more often. A better insight into the downside of cross-cultural relationships and business partnerships you would be hard pressed to find. Yet he still retains a sense of humour. Great blog writing that he describes as a continuation of his book. Not read Riff Raffles (the book) yet, but I certainly will do one day...

Factual and political stuff more your thing? Richard Barrows "thai-blogs.com" is hard to match. He covers pretty much everything. Loads of advice, tons of info from politics to tourism to cookery, you name it. And his last blog is on a particularly sensitive and daring topic. This alone is well worth a read for all visitors to and guests in Thailand, even relatively old-timers.

For politics alone, the Bangkok Pundit is the first with the news, and he has some pretty strong and occasionally risky opinions of his own. Few pics, heavy going at times, but THE source of info if you want to read between the lines of what is really going on in Thai politics. Not an easy task. Don't bother if you're not a political animal, it's pretty specialised stuff mostly.

Finally - for today - BangkokDan of Absolutely Bangkok. Love his posts sometimes, hate them on other occasions, Dan's "carefully opinionated" (sic) takes on life in the Big Mango - from politics to women to... just about everything under the tropical sun... are definitely worth a regular browse.

PS before I'm accused of sexism... there are some blogs I'll be mentioning soon written by the fairer sex, and their exclusion from a mention above is entirely coincidental - really!

French Air Force - like lambs to the slaughter

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 18:14:00 +0000

Speaking the lingo is a definite plus sometimes. Visiting friends in Apt, an hour's drive away, pre-Sunday lunch aperitifs were taken in the PMU bistrot. Pastis got tongues wagging furiously, and as usual the local Provencaux were trying to outdo each other in superlatives and exaggerations...

Jules used to keep a flock of sheep up on the Monts de Vaucluse plateau, once home to a base for the the Mirage IVs of the 1st Strategic Missile Wing of the French Air Force, and some twenty silos housing the nuclear weapons.

The Patrouille de France (based near Orange)... no match for Jules. (Click for bigger pic)

As the aircraft practiced manoeuvres above the plateau, occasionally breaking the sound barrier, Jules' sheep suffered increasingly from stress. A particularly loud series of sonic booms early one spring day... claimed an apoplectic Jules as if it had happened just yesterday... resulted in four of his sheep spontaneously aborting.

Furious (then and now), Jules wrote to the base to claim compensation. When an answer eventually turned up, on beautifully embossed official Air Force paper (raged Jules), the official concerned had the "culot" (cheek) to request the markings and registration numbers of the aircraft allegedly involved!?!

Jules may have called a halt to his limited education to start work at 14 - he continued with barely a pause for breath - but he'd been to a tougher school since, and he knew just what to do. No hanging about. The next morning the Wing Commander's lawn was closely cropped and fertilised at the same time. By several dozen of Jules' sheep. The sheep however had a few problems discriminating between the W.C.'s lawn and the contents of his flower beds.

Get off my flowers! (Click for bigger pic)

Not one for half measures, Jules immediately followed up with a preemptive strike, sending a letter of his own. "If you're not happy", wrote Jules, "I will consider compensation. All you need to do is supply the names of the sheep concerned"...

A substantial Air Force payment was soon forthcoming...

The airbase was closed down in 1996. A Foreign Legion battalion arrived in its place. Jules, on another Pastis-lubricated Sunday morning, could probably be found in the Apt PMU bar regaling anyone prepared to listen with stories of how the Air Force was obliged to retreat under assault from legions of sheep and their valiant shepherds. Any suggestions that the closure resulted from the redundancy of these dated weapons in the new strategic scenario that followed the collapse of the Eastern bloc and the fall of the Iron Curtain would no doubt be met a cynical Mediterranean sniff and a "what would you foreigners and Parisians know, eh?"

If you know what's good for you, you'll keep mum. Top him up with another Pastis, and keep listening. There are many more stories where that one came from...

Wild boar v. Peugeot 306. Double knockout.

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:04:00 +0000

In a nutshell, if you value your life and are attached to your car not only via the safety belt, don't pick an argument with a wild boar - even a smallish one of some 75 kilos. Although the boar is unlikely to feel too fit after the encounter, the odds are that neither you nor your much-loved motor will be in the best of shape after the collision, with or without belting up.

I wasn't driving my eleven year old Peugeot 306 at the time. A friend had borrowed it, and was cruising along a nearby main road in the small hours, when a whole troop of 'sangliers' emerged from the gloom and dashed across right in front of him. No time so much as to even touch the brakes - bang, air bag deployed and literally exploded in his face, the car slid off the road, and to add insult to injury, its rear end came off worse in a collision with a concrete post.

The second time in less than a year that a friend has destroyed a motor of mine - before it was my cherished 205, ancient but low mileage, and in impeccable nick. A write-off, with only third party insurance, and no one else involved.

On the plus side there were no serious (human) injuries in either instance. Despite a couple of years in 'non-violent' Thailand, for an instant or two I did contemplate inflicting a few injuries of my own, but decided on a positive approach. If it's a write-off, that'll be one less insurance premium to cough up every year. C'est la vie, mai pen rai, that's life.

Wild boar are a major hazard on French roads. Their numbers are increasing rapidly, despite the efforts of hordes of French hunters. Several reasons why this is so - some boar were crossbred with domesticated pigs a few years back in France, and cochonglier litters are bigger than those of pure bred wild boar. More examples of man messing with nature - corn is one of the boar's favourite delicacies, and production of this cereal is expanding. Mild winters, increasing acreage of wooded areas, the power and influence of the hunting lobby... all have contributed to an explosion in the boar demographic. Their numbers have grown tenfold in the last thirty years.

Even Obelix and his valiant tribe of Gaules would have trouble making major inroads into their numbers. There are an estimated million boar in the wild in France, despite hunters accounting for half that number in annual kills. And despite an estimated ten thousand plus being involved in road accidents each year, around the country.

Should you be unfortunate enough to bump into one of these beasts in your motorised travels, and be tempted to take it home for a few weeks' supply of boar stew - don't. This is banned under French law - roadkill of any form must be left on the side of the highway, and the police informed. Penalties are extremely severe. Why? Because hunting with illegal weapons is strictly prohibited. Clearly a car can be used as a weapon, and should you sneakily stuff your freezer with your ill-gotten gains, in the eyes of the gendarmes this is undeniable evidence of intent to deceive and therefore of your nefarious poaching habits, courtesy of your car.

Any resemblance to wild boar living or dead is purely coincidental

A boar killed in a collision on the public highway belongs to the state, in the same way as a ship wrecked along the French coastline. Attempting to argue that putting a 4,000 euro series of dents in your car and destroying the engine is a rather expensive way of knocking off a boar for your supper will be in vain. In French law, it's a case of guilty until proven innocent.

Our apologies to the boar.

Pyramid blogging

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 11:58:00 +0000

Hope it's more productive than pyramid sales! What's it all about? Not sure really, never tried it before, might never again, but it boils down to answering a set of questions from someone in your blog, and promising to ask a fresh set of questions of people who comment on your answers, should they agree to be interviewed themselves. Mr Nighttime describes it as an 'interview meme', and these are my responses to his questions...

1. What would you consider your dream job, if you don't already have it?

I've never gained a whole lot of pleasure from salaried employment, but have been lucky to be able to work for many years in the voluntary sector alongside my paid employment, pretty much since leaving university - including ten years as a suicide counsellor, working with organisations providing opportunities for underprivileged kids to take part in sporting activities, running sports clubs for children, and more recently, involvement with an orphanage over in Thailand. All of these I have thoroughly enjoyed doing, and would be delighted to carry on, as long as I'm able and considered useful! If not, I'll just have to retire gracefully, it's a bit late for me to be thinking about dream jobs!

2. If you could only live the rest of your life on one type of food, what would it be?

Tropical fruits, especially mango and roseapple ('cham-poo', pronounced shamPOO)... I once thought fruit in Provence was in a class of its own compared to the bland-tasting British offerings, but after living in Thailand and demolishing platefuls of delicious and succulent fruits every day without fail, I'm suffering severe withdrawal symptoms now I'm back in France for a few months.

3. Have you followed your bliss in life?

I'm not quite sure what it means - is it an expression from across the other side of the Pond? It kind of sounds a bit self-indulgent. Following one's heart, or one's dream, perhaps? In fits and starts maybe, but life has a knack of setting obstacles in your path, and I've met one or two. Reminds me of a chat with a Buddhist monk and close friend who - when I told him how much I admired, even envied his state of tranquility and acceptance - told me how it would be virtually impossible to achieve as a lasting state in the world outside the temple... especially in my shoes! In the sense though that I've always done my own thing (worked for myself), regret few decisions that I've made (not least opting for quality of life over more materialistic goals and 'semi-retiring' aged 38 to concentrate on family and voluntary activities), I suppose I've 'followed my heart'.

Though to be honest, I've been following my dream for so long I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever catch up with it ;-) Perhaps I should follow the Buddhist lead, and stop trying...

4. What is your idea of a peaceful Sunday morning?

Tough one - I can think of so many versions, no way I could fit them all into a single Sunday morning. A common theme would be all four kids not making demands on me for an entire half day... that would definitely be a first. Then I could spend an exquisite few hours reading a book uninterrupted, or perhaps spend a morning of quality time relaxing with my Thai partner who loves peace and quiet as I do... or take my dog for a long walk in the Provencal hills that are virtually deserted at this time of year, or in the French Alps in the springtime (photos below) - not forgetting my favourite Nikon D2X, in the hope of getting that mind-blowing photo of something entirely unexpected...

5. At what point do you consider mere acquaintances true friends?

When you intuitively know that they are genuinely trustworthy, and that the day you are down on your luck, they would do all in their power to help out. It's an increasingly rare occurrence with the ever more individualistic, achievement-oriented Western lifestyle we are led to believe is the holy grail of cultural achievement these days. One reason why I prefer living in South East Asia, where different priorities still hold sway.

______________________________

So... would you like to be interviewed?!

Just follow these instructions:

Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

The perfect, peaceful Sunday morning... hiking springtime through the French Alps...

A fellow hiker takes time out...

Stunning scenery, climbing up to the Roselend Glacier

A choice of trails - you can walk for hours, and not see another soul...

Safety first? Holiday hazards, from food hygiene to adventure activities

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:16:00 +0000

Any trip to a foreign country these days implies carrying out some sort of risk assessment, especially for those travelling with children. Westerners in particular are accustomed to strict control of many areas of our lives; from food hygiene to safety standards in sporting activities, travel operators, and the like. In recent years what some see as an 'intrusion' into our private lives and freedom of choice has been steadily strengthening - and as usual, the good old US of A has got the ball rolling, in at least one respect. Ambulance chasing lawyers and ludicrously high compensation payments awarded by the courts are greatly responsible for this trend. The blame game - shifting personal responsibility whenever possible to a third party - has reached nonsensical levels. (Suing McDonalds for millions because the plaintiff burned his tongue on a cup of hot coffee is a typical example).

Of course it makes sense to monitor standards, otherwise unscrupulous commercial enterprises would be exploiting us at every opportunity. But where to draw the line? A comment about my last blog on food safety in Thailand, by US-based Mr. Nighttime, got me thinking about the three countries I know best... the UK, Thailand and France.

Over the years in the UK we've seen increasing 'interference' by government standards agencies. Teachers are now afraid to volunteer for school trip supervisory roles because of the danger of being held liable if little Jimmy trips up and grazes his knee. Following the American lead, compensation lawyers now bombard the airways with their advertisements, encouraging people to claim for the tiniest mishap. Quango agencies are breeding like rabbits, falling over themselves to invent ever more complicated rules and regulations for businesses to adhere to. Small companies struggle to find the time and resources to conform to the ever-expanding requirements.

This youngster was more interested in chewing on the picnic basket lid than on the picnic or picnickers...

In Thailand? The problem isn't so much whether or not the controls exist in the first place (they do, even if they are rather basic in most areas), but rather whether they are being adhered to. Worse still, it's often a case of who has paid whom to avoid having to conform to costly and sometimes vital safety requirements. So it's an ad hoc system, one where you can never feel completely reassured. There are rules and regulations governing fire hazard prevention in Bangkok night clubs for example, but there are major doubts as to how many - if any - were actually being enforced in the New Year's Eve disaster where so many died.

Click on the thumbnail photos to see full-size images...

Back at the Tiger Temple near Bangkok, very young and adolescent tigers were free to wander at will, but it was the sight of diminutive Thais with fully-grown adult cats on a lead that made me feel a touch uneasy!

France, as usual, is lagging behind the UK and US. If you're stupid enough to go skiing off piste on your own in dangerous conditions without the necessary Arva beacon and other avalanche gear, then it's simply 'tough luck' if you meet a gruesome end. Not the same as in the US, where the ski areas can be held responsible, and as a result out-of-bounds skiing is effectively banned. And in this Alpine adventure park near Bourg Saint Maurice (see photos below), beyond some basic initial instruction on keeping the safety harness clipped on at all times, there is no supervision whatsoever as you travel through the tree tops. A business run in the same manner in the UK would be out of the question! I have to say I like this attitude in some ways. It encourages the sort of self-reliance that seems to be on its way out in the Anglo-Saxon nanny states, forces you to take responsibility for your own actions, while nonetheless respecting fundamental safety requirements.

My then thirteen year-old, without a care in the world... unlike her dad at the time.

Any readers have any thoughts on this? Mixed feelings, I'm just not sure how a happy medium can be attained, or based on what criteria it should be arrived at in the first place. On balance though, I would say that the French approach does it for me...

Thai Food For Thought

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:21:00 +0000

Eating in South East Asia can be a rather hazardous enterprise. In various parts of my blog I've described eating King Cobra, dog, bamboo larvae, giant wasp grubs, spiders, cockroaches, grasshoppers, worms, and perhaps the most life-threatening of all, a single serving of papaya salad spiced up a little with the assistance of twelve chili peppers. But moving on from the McDonalds theme in the last entry, one of the most iffy dishes one can order in Thailand, some suggest, is simple, down-to-earth, beef steak.

In European-style restaurants Thai origin beef is always at a fraction of the cost of imported meat, and rumour has it that this is not solely because of the shipping costs and import tariffs. Doom-mongers point at the mangy critters lining the sides of the polluted highways browsing on lead flavour blackened vegetation, and suggest that cheapskate red meat lovers in Thailand will be lucky to make it past 50. Who knows, but I'm grateful to Carol of the Chiang Mai Photographic Group for providing another delightful picture to remind us that much of Thailand's cattle is healthy and no doubt good to eat... although now I've seen the star of this photo, I'm rather reluctant to imagine her ending up on a plate!

Click on this photo for a close-up of cow and friend, clearly in a beneficial symbiotic relationship... "just a couple of inches further down please, there's a tick that's been annoying me for days now..."

Stick to proper Thai food in Thai restaurants or from street vendors, and you're pretty safe. You might not always know what you are eating... 'a-se-tek' is a form of kebab, not necessarily from a cow or other mainstream meat source as far as I can make out, but I'm not dead yet. (I had noticed a distinct drop in the number of rats around Chiang Mai streets though, shortly before coming over to France)...

If you want something familiar, from species you are in the habit of chewing on from the shelves of Tesco, here are a couple of easy-to-remember suggestions...

Cow Pat Moo - pork fried rice
Cow Pat Guy - chicken fried rice

Any more amusing suggestions from Thai-based expats??

Foreign travel... How fluent are you?

petergarwood@gmail.com (The FrogBlogger) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:10:00 +0000

Truly bilingual people are few and far between. Some can get away with a few minutes of simple chat sounding like a local, if you’ve got a genuinely musical ear... others last a while longer if they have spent a very long time in the country in question. Mostly though, international spy movies with the hero able to fool residents that they are from downtown Paris or Moscow are pure fable. It just can’t be done!

A good test of your fluency in French is a trip to the local McDonalds anywhere in France (and I mean anywhere, unfortunately, these days). The French have adopted many Anglo-Saxon words into their own language, much to the disgust of the Académie Française. However the pronunciation is another matter – neither Anglo, nor American, nor indeed French. McNuggets anyone? “nerGET” seems to be the consensus amongst ‘MacDo’ staff – anything else and a blank look of incomprehension comes your way. Oo ees zis eediot oo cannert speek ze ingleesh? Deed ee nert ger to zee skoole? Hopefully I have the kids with me if a trip through the McDrive is absolutely unavoidable. They are then persuaded to shout their orders across the car while I sit there smiling inanely. Complicated ice cream orders I absolutely draw the line at. Macfleureee with odd unpronounceable flavours? Forget it. If you want one, order it yourself. My limit is the Beeeg Mac. I seem to able to get the message across with that one. Un MacChickERN? At a pinch. A Royal Cheese avec Deluxe Potatoes? Forget it.

The Thais have their own word for it. But they’ve used their brains, unlike the French, and have numbered menus with pretty pictures and the name of the dish in both languages. Number 4 please. Yes sir, one minute sir!

Of course the answer is to stick to real food wherever you travel. Then neither language nor digestion problems need arise.

A pic, kindly provided by Carol of the Chiang Mai Photographic Group triggered this train of thought...

McDonalds, Khaosan Road, Bangkok

Love the way fast food around the world is sometimes adapted to the local taste buds. In Thailand at least they refrain from adding half a dozen chili peppers to a McDonalds salad. Much against their better judgment, no doubt…