Every year, my wife and I have a scheduled date the morning of Christmas Eve. On that date, we look back at the previous year and share our highlights and what we are looking forward to in the coming year.

2011 was a good year to look back on, although not without it’s hardships or challenges. Here are some of our highlights from 2011:

• Our 2nd son, Stone, was born. There are so many memories and fun things that surround his birth:
• our awesome Doctor (Adkins) and how he nearly missed the birth of our son
• our friends Stephanie and Thomas who were visiting when my wife went into labor (kind of)
• how much our oldest, Howie, loves his little brother
• the timing of a summer baby
• and more…
• We both changed careers after being in full-time ministry for over half a decade. I have gone into marketing & owning my own business, and my wife is now unemployed (joyfully, might we add).
• First the first time during our marriage, we stayed home for a summer. Full-time ministry brought much travel, and summers were always spent in at least a different State, if not a different Country.
• I have begun a bible study / counseling group with Aphesis. I feel that this is the start of really understanding more about my relationship with God, leading my family spiritually, and understanding more about who I am. 
• I meet with 2 friends, Josh and Ryan, early every Thursday morning (or at least most mornings). This has been a big highlight of my year.
• My wife and I do a date-night-kid-swap every Friday night, and this has been awesome. We love going to Bucer’s and enjoying their happy hour and $1 americanos those nights.
• I began working part-time for Textbook Recycling, doing marketing, a bit of web design, and whatever else they might need me to do. It has been a blessing to have a bit of consistent income during our transition!

Here are some things that you might see beginning in January 2012…

• A new logo. My buddy Bobby is a great model for the current logo, but I’m looking for something that can be transferred to other mediums. More on ‘other mediums’ later.
• Updated website. The look will change according to the logo. Not quite sure where this is heading yet.
• The About section. This is not a blog about me, but is going to be more about building a community of men that live with principles, passions, and purpose. I’m going to simply give direction.

Maybe you know this about me already, but I sometimes have a hard time putting into words what I really mean or want to say (that’s why it’s so great that I married my wife – she helps me with those things!).

Would you mind checking out my about page quickly and giving me some feedback? Maybe think about these things as you read:

• What else do you want to know about me?
• What do you know about me that I didn’t mention?
• Does this make me want to read this blog every day for the rest of my life?

The hard thing for me is balancing those responsibilities, and correctly prioritizing them. Not only do I desire to do well in balancing the responsibilities in my life, I want to lead well in them.

The first step that we can take in order to balance and lead in our responsibilities is to simply recognize them. Here are some areas that I believe I’m doing fairly well in right now:

• Children – loving and parenting my children
• Work – being the best that I can be in work

Wow...I had hair back then!

My wife and I have a few acquaintances that have been dating the same person for a very long time. I’m not saying there is something intrinsically wrong with dating for a long time, BUT, we who are married can all agree that there are advantages to marriage (other than the obvious – should you choose to abstain). Those advantages are for another post…

When people date for a very long time, oftentimes there is one person of the party who isn’t happy with just dating. Let’s pretend that it’s usually the woman. They want to get married. They want the commitment. They want to put the dating scene behind them (I can’t blame them, now that I’m on the other side of dating). What’s the solution? My wife and I thought it was easy…
don’t have sex with them.

It turns out that shortly after we were having this conversation, there was an article written in the Washington Times entitled, “The Economy of Sex: It’s Cheap These Days.” The article says essentially the same thing that my wife and I were saying, but in more eloquent and ‘economic’ language. The article points out that since the introduction of the birth control pill, the ‘sex market’ and the ‘marriage market’ were separated, whereas before the pill, they were closely linked.

Here’s a quick blip from the article, which quotes University of Texas Sociology Professor Mark Regnerus:

“…women have the power to influence sexual norms were they to use it…When women collude to restrict men’s sexual access to women, all women tend to benefit,” he said, noting that “if women were more in charge of how their romantic relationships transpired … we would be seeing greater male investment in relationships, more impressive wooing efforts, fewer hookups, fewer premarital sexual partners … shorter cohabitations, more marrying … and more marrying at a slightly earlier age. In other words, the price of sex would be higher. It would cost men more to access it.”

Here are my own, quickly thought out suggestions:

Women: commit to abstain from sex and ‘playing close to the line’ before marriage. Why? Because if you give this to a man while you’re dating, you’re making marriage contain something special – THE something special that he wants.

Men: commit to abstain from sex and ‘playing close to the line’ before marriage. Why? Because you will prove to a woman that she is worth waiting for and marrying. You’ll also prove to her that you can abstain from sex outside of marriage (there can be a HUGE trust issue when you enter into a relationship already having sex with other people – or even your spouse: which can be overcome, it just takes a lot more effort and building trust). You’ll also set yourself apart from other men that insist on being sexually active before marriage, making yourself more attractive to women that are looking for a lifetime partner.

What do YOU think? Have you seen this true in your own life or those around you? Please share!

A few of the most memorable moments in my life have come from coaches, both positive and negative. My guess is that whether you have been involved in sports, music, dance, gymnastics, or whatever, you have most likely had both good and bad experiences with a coach.

What makes a great coach? There are many things, but some of the most indelible moments in my life as an athlete and musician have come from a coach that is speaking these things to me:

1) A great coach speaks to character
Some great coaches in my life noticed my behaviors and tendencies outside of the game / activity. They weren’t afraid to mention if they noticed something ‘out of character’ when I was around different people, or even to compliment me if they noticed something good.

2) A great coach addresses the individual
One of the most memorable moments in my young athletic life was during the summer before my 8th grade year. My summer league basketball coach – Steve Blankinship – took each player into the locker room at different points during the season and talked specifically about their game, how they were relating with the team, and whatever else he noticed about us. I was blown away. It was the first time that someone ever told me individually that they believed I was a leader amongst a group of peers and elders (it was an 8th grade team, and I was technically a 7th grader).

3) A great coach recognizes the strengths of the individual and tells them how they contribute to the whole
Part of maturing into an adult is figuring out your strengths and weaknesses. A good coach will help coax your strengths out to their maximum potential, and help you realize how that contributes to the whole. If you are a great ball handler on the basketball team, but have a horrible jump shot, your role needs to get the ball to the other guys.

What else am I missing? Do you have any good stories of what a great coach was to you?

Photo above courtesy of HPUPhotogStudent

I'm crazy about these guys!

I consider raising children a great blessing and privilege that is unique to marriage. No other relationship has the deep responsibility of raising and shaping a child together. It often surprises me to hear when couples have very few conversations, if any, regarding how they are going to parent and raise their children.

A friend of mine (and mentor – she is so wise!), Carolyn, sent me the following message shortly after hearing that my wife and I were pregnant…

Being a parent so greatly deepens both joys and sorrows – I think there is nothing that has greater potential for shaping us into having deeper hearts. ~ Carolyn Culbertson

My kids aren’t even 2 years old and I can see how this is already the case – my character is being shaped and my heart is deepening. The fact that I’m married and raising my children alongside my wife gives us the potential to deepen our hearts together! Having conversations about how to parent is one way that we allow our marriages to grow deeper and stronger.

Have you talked with your spouse about raising your children? You don’t have to have kids to begin talking about parenting! In fact, it would probably be good if you at least talked a little about parenting before you even get engaged!

Here are some topics that my wife and I have at least briefly talked about so far, and could maybe be a starting point if you have yet to talk about parenting together (if you have your own, add them in the comments below!):

• What activities do we want our kids to be involved in (sports, music, recreational, etc.)?
• What are we looking forward to about having children?
• When our children are newborns, will either of us stay home, or will we use childcare?
• How old will our daughter be when we’ll allow her  ears to be pierced?
• Will we use pacifiers? Why or why not?
• Will we allow our children to____________? Why or why not?
• What was good about how your parents raised you? What would you change?
• How will we discipline our kids? What constitutes what kind of disciplinary action?
• What kind of schooling will our children go through (home, private, public, other) and when?

Since my wife stays at home with our children while I work, she is often the one that is setting boundaries and enforcing ‘rules.’ One of the best things that we do is discuss those boundaries and rules. I will sometimes return home and either allow or disallow my son from something only to find out that my wife has done the opposite of me. We quickly will talk about these things (they are often minor) and come to an agreement. Consistency is key to raising children! We want to make sure that they can trust us in our parenting as a team!

So, have you talked with your spouse about parenting? If so (or even if not), share some topics that we can discuss with our spouses!

Me and Howie, my firstborn son.

Being a father is scary, rewarding, challenging, and intimidating all at the same time. The birth of my first son, Howard (pictured right at about 7 months old), knocked me out of my socks. I broke down and cried so many times right after he was born. Yes, I’m a crier (sometimes I wish I wasn’t). I was overwhelmed with the reality of helping give life to this beautiful child, with responsibility, and love for this little ball of skin and hair.

All fathers will deal with having children differently, and I’m sure that the first few nights at home are more of a shock for some than others. I’ve heard of fathers that completely separate themselves from children because they are afraid they will harm them (and sometimes this isn’t helped by overly protective or untrusting mothers). There are also fathers that are over-involved and don’t let their wives do what they do best – love and care for their children.

After we had our second son, Stone, we were presented with a handout that our doctor gives to all parents of new children. I laughed at first, but quickly realized that there are probably fathers that need to hear this. I needed to hear it, actually. Here’s what it said…

The Father’s Role

…The age of noninvolvement of the father is over. Not only does the mother need the father to help her with household chores, but the baby also needs to develop a close relationship with the father. Today’s father helps with feeding, changing diapers, bathing, putting to bed, reading stories, dressing, disciplining, homework, playing games, and calling the doctor when the child is sick. The father needs to be his wife’s support system. He needs to relieve her in the evenings so she can nap or get a brief change of scenery.

A father may avoid interacting with his baby during the first year of life because he is afraid he will hurt his baby or that he won’t be able to calm the child the baby cries. The longer a father goes without learning parenting skills, the harder it becomes to master them. At a minimum, a father should hold and comfort his baby at least once a day.

~ Pullman Family Medicine

I have to admit that it is tempting (because it seems easier) to work rather than be engaged at home with my wife and kids. This was a good reminder of how important my presence and help is to my wife and children.

What do you think? Fathers, do you find it hard to engage with your children and help your wife at home? Wives, how can we as Fathers help you more with young children? 

Today we welcome to the world and our family, Mr. Stone Richard Larsen.

May you be a man of solid character who loves God and people with all of your heart.

Cheers.

Thanks to Chimothy27 for the photo.

I want to be a great parent to my children, and I love when I come across ideas and thoughts from other sources that relate to parenting.

Right now I’m reading The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey, and one of the first things he talks about in his book is “Being credible: to yourself and others.” He argues (and I completely agree with him) that people will base their trust in you by your credibility. In a nutshell, what you say is what you mean. It seems obvious, right? Well, Covey gets to the heart of what this really means, and even gets into parenting.

Here’s what he says…

“A friend of mine recently shared an example of how the idea of giving people someone they can trust has impacted her on the family level. She said:

Years ago as a young mother, I read an article entitled “Can Your Child Trust You?” The author pointed out how, as parents, we will often tell a young child “no!” over and over instead of following through in meaningful ways to ensure that he obeys the first time. As a result, children learn that if they keep at something long enough, they can usually wear a parent out and eventually get their way. They don’t develop trust that adults mean what they say when they say “no.”

This author then suggested effective ways to follow up and to build trust. For example, if you’ve said “no” to a toddler and he doesn’t obey then you immediately go pick him up and move him away from whatever he was doing.

This one idea has had a profound positive impact on the way I have interacted with my children over the years. It takes time and effort up front. It takes deep commitment and follow-through. But it pays incredible dividends. Instead of wasting time having to repeat yourself over and over, you answer once. You child learns to trust that you mean what you say.

You see the opposite of this in homes everywhere. You see parents who give their children instructions, and then fail to follow through when those instructions are ignored. You see children “get by” with things because their parents are so caught up in their own projects or in conversation with other adults that they simply don’t pay attention…” – - The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything, by Stephen M.R. Covey

I never thought of how parenting, even when we have very young children, can affect how our kids trust us. I think this makes sense – yet I also see how much dedication, commitment and follow-through this really takes as a parent. I don’t even have multiple children yet, and I can tell that with each addition of the family this will get harder and harder.

Have you felt the impact of this in your life, either as a son or daughter, or a parent?