From Debbie's Heart

My Return!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 01:42:00 +0000

It has been just about 15 months since I last posted! I have missed visiting all of you and have especially missed writing... So much has happened in the last year...way too much to highlight here...but mostly lots of growth in my spiritual life! Thank you Lord... Welcome 2012 and welcome back writing!!!

From my heart,

Debbie

Gracias A Dios

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 02:05:00 +0000

Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (Amplified Bible)

I have spent the last several days with my husband in New Mexico visiting his dad. As usual nowadays, it has been a bittersweet visit as my father-in-law is in the last stage of Alzheimer disease. It is hard to see him like this – no long term or short term memory, loss of control of bodily functions, sitting in a wheelchair, unable to shave or bathe himself and needing constant care around the clock.

In the midst of all of this, he always has a smile on his face and is friendly and kind to everyone he comes into contact with.

Two things I want to share with you about this visit… One a special gift from God and the other a lesson learned from my very special father-in-law.

First, I want to share God’s very special gift to my husband and myself during this visit.

It has been at least a year or better that Jack’s father has not recognized us! He doesn’t remember our names, our faces or the relationship we have with him. This has been hard!! We say “I love you” to him but he can’t reciprocate. He smiles and says “thank you”; but no loving words in response. We are strangers to him :-(

Our very first day when we went to see him during this visit, he smiled at Jack and tears came to his eyes as he called him “mijo” (meaning ‘son’ in Spanish). It was obvious he had a moment of remembrance! I did not get a personal response of recognition but he gave me a big smile when I greeted him. When our visit came to an end, he responded to Jack’s “I love you” with an “I love you” of his own! Then came my turn to say goodbye for the day… As I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said “I love you”, he looked me in the eyes (there was a faint look of recognition in his) and with tears in his own he responded to me as well with an “I love you”! The days since then he has been, again, unable to recognize us…

God is so good, so awesome and loving! I do not for a moment doubt that He allowed the momentary clarity in Jack’s dad’s memory so that we were able to say “I love you” and receive those precious words “I love you” back from him. To see, if only for those brief moments, the recognition in his eyes of who we were. It was a proper and loving goodbye for us as his time on earth is drawing to a close. We may not see him again in this life; but, we have the assurance that he will be waiting along with Jesus to welcome us into Heaven when our time here on earth is done as well!

Secondly, I want to share with you a lesson learned from my father-in-law.

My father-in-law is a man of faith! He never worried throughout his life as he totally trusted God to take care of him in anything and everything. He had an attitude of thanksgiving and one of his favorite sayings has always been “Gracias a Dios” (Thanks be to God). He was very involved in his church and always willing to help others in their difficulties – people knew they could count on him.

As the Alzheimer disease has robbed him of more and more of his mind, one thing that has continued is that same attitude of thanksgiving. He cannot carry on too much of a conversation anymore; but, even today if you ask him how he is doing, he always says he is doing great and then adds “Gracias a Dios”! His mind isn’t functioning anymore but his thankful attitude is so ingrained that it continues on despite the disease!!

I am humbled and convicted as I realize I need to cultivate the same thankful attitude that is second nature to my father-in-law. What a beautiful lesson!! Even if my mind and body fail me, I CAN have a grateful and thankful heart attitude if I make the choice daily now to live giving thanks to God in ALL circumstances.

Sometimes He Gives Us Worms

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:44:00 +0000

It was early morning and only my husband and I were up and about in the house. I decided to go for a walk and my husband accompanied me outside to wave me off. I knew he was headed upstairs for a time of Bible reading and prayer in our bedroom. As I walked, I prayed. I have been praying specifically for quite some time (for myself) to extend more grace, compassion and love towards others as an overflow of my love for God and His love for me. I had a wonderful walk and time of prayer – just enjoying God’s creation in the blue of the sky and all the different colors of trees, bushes and flowers.

Lo and behold, when I got back to the house the front door was locked! I did not have my keys or my phone!! I tried quietly knocking on the front door so as not to wake anyone in the house; but, hopefully loud enough for my husband to hear. No one opened the door for me… I thought to myself how the garage door from the backyard is usually open once we are up and about so I headed there next. Nope – closed and locked! I then headed to the patio and the sliding glass door which is usually open by this time. Nope – closed and locked! I peered through the door to see if anyone was in the family room or kitchen – nope! I knew our bedroom window was open and was located right next to the wicker chairs where my husband was doing his devotions; so, I proceeded to stand underneath that window and call my husband’s name. Nothing – no response!

Let’s just say I was getting more and more frustrated with each step of this whole process – muttering under my breath about a certain someone who had locked me out of the house when HE KNEW I was going for a walk!!! By the time I had gotten nowhere to all of the attempts to get into my house, I had let my emotions get a hold of me. I sat down in one of the patio chairs with the tears starting to stream down my face ready to have a pity party. At this point, the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge and asked me “Is this how you extend grace, compassion and love? Is this really how you want to act and feel?”

I took a deep breath, wiped the tears off my face and made the decision to not let my emotions control me. I remember thinking to myself that perhaps God wanted to extend my time with Him and teach me something as well through this whole situation. So, I got up and started weeding the flower beds and meditating on what God was teaching me about loving others. By the time I was done weeding, my whole attitude had changed and I was laughing to myself about my circumstances!

Still, there was no activity in the house as I peered through the sliding glass door once again. Taking my place in the chair once more, I prayed God would send me something special to mark my time with Him. We get all sorts of birds in the backyard (magpie, robins, goldfinch and even hawk) and butterflies too. I really was looking forward to a visitation from one of these; but, the sky and yard remained empty! I happened to glance down by my feet and there a lowly worm was on it’s “last legs” – if you get my meaning. It flashed through my mind there was a message in this and the title for this blog today came to me as well :-)

Several days have passed and I have been meditating on my experience that morning. Two things have impressed themselves on my mind.

One, I DO HAVE CONTROL over my emotions and don’t have to let them control me. In the waaaaay past, I might have been angry and “vented” on my husband about the whole situation causing strife for days because I wouldn’t let it go. In the more recent past, I would have let my husband see how upset I was and caused a rift between us for at least a few minutes or maybe longer. I learned that morning how to make a choice to extend grace, compassion and love towards my husband (whom I love dearly) instead of feeding my self-centered feelings.

Two, I tend to want (and I think most people do) something beautiful and extraordinary from God as a sign of His favor; but, He may choose to give me “worms” instead. Indeed, most of my spiritual growth has come through the “worms” in my life. In His omnipotence and through His love, mercy and grace, He sends me “worms” so THAT I may grow. I want the mountaintops; but, in the valleys is where my trust and faith in Him are tested and proved! Even in those minor valleys I sometimes hit (like getting locked out of the house), God proves Himself in me when I make wise choices regarding my attitude, my emotions and my actions towards others!

By the way… Eventually I heard some sounds emanating from the house and peered through the sliding glass door again. I knocked on the door and my 4 year old grandson’s head popped up from the couch in the family room. He gave me a smile and waved! I waved him over to the door as he gave me this quisical look while I was pointing to the handle where he could unlock the door for me. Right about that time my daughter-in-law came around the corner and rescued me. I headed upstairs to find my husband asleep in the wicker chair with his Bible open on his lap! LOL!!

From my heart,

Digging Deep

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:36:00 +0000

Lately I have been spending a lot of time thinking about and looking at my attitudes and motives. I mean really digging deep! Have you ever done that?

I thought I knew myself pretty well – don’t we all? But, when I started putting my attitudes and motives under a microscope (so to speak), I found I didn’t know myself as well as I thought! The microscope I have been using is very old. Some think it is too old and no longer able to show us anything. Some think it isn’t pertinent to our modern age and should be relegated to a shelf to gather dust. I’m talking about God’s Word – the Bible.

I believe Scripture is “…living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

I believe Scripture is “…inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” (2 Timothy 3:16)

I found I had become complacent in my level of spiritual maturity. God has worked such marvelous changes in me – my thoughts, actions and words (and let’s not forget attitudes and motives) – and I have been grateful and thankful for all of it. I knew I hadn’t “arrived” but I could look at my past and see how far I had come. That is a good thing! But…I need to be always striving for God’s best.

I have been looking at the two greatest commandments as Jesus summed up all of the law and prophets into these two - love God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength; to love others as myself (Matthew 22:37-40).

What I have found while studying what these two commandments truly express is amazing and eye opening! Eye opening in the sense that I see just how selfish I still am!!! Yes, I have come a long way; but, I had stalled and sputtered to a halt in loving others! Not a pretty admission and not one I like to make – but it is the truth!!

Seems like every time I turn around – “me”, “myself” and “I” are my ever present companions.

God is working a radical change in me! How do I know? Because, I am more and more conscious of my selfish motives, attitudes, thoughts and actions. Because, more and more I am making conscious decisions to love others, to put their best interests first. Because, more and more I feel the struggle to do this – to love others – and see some progress. Not perfection yet; but, progress!! I fail more often than I would like; but, I succeed more often than I used to. I feel the “tug” of the Holy Spirit more and more throughout my day in ways I never did before.

I feel God stretching me and testing me in this through situations and circumstances. I am having to hold tight to Him because it is only by His power I am able to say “no” to my flesh! In each situation and circumstance I am seeing more clearly who I currently am and how God wants to change me. More and more I am seeing the truth of the statement “love is a choice”. It is NOT a feeling but a deliberate decision to find ways to bless others and have their best interests at the core of my actions. This isn’t just about people I already have a relationship with – it’s about everyone I come into contact with, it’s about those I may never meet but have the opportunity to do something to bless them, it’s about those I find hard to be around – it’s about EVERYONE! Jesus didn’t say to love only those you like!

So, I have been digging deep… I did not like what I was seeing… It hasn’t been easy to jumpstart the change process… BUT… The joy I feel when I make the right choice to love someone as myself is worth the “dying to self” pangs of death I have felt along the way!!!

I challenge you to look at your attitudes, motives, thoughts, words and actions through the “microscope” of God’s Word. I challenge you to really dig deep and expose the root of selfishness in your own life. I challenge you to choose to love others by putting their best interests above your own. You do NOT have to watch out for number one as the “flesh” will tell you! Allow God to take care of you and your interests!! Are you up to the challenge?

Lord, change me! Fill me with your love – not so I can hoard it – but so I may give it away lavishly to everyone. Lord, help me to die to self! Amen.

From my heart,

What Can I Bring

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:22:00 +0000

I have so much to be thankful for - God has done so much for me - there is no way I can repay Him!! Please check out a post I wrote for my other blog, Beyond The Song, and join with me in giving thanks to Him. May we cultivate an attitude of gratitude... Love you all...

From my heart,

People Pleasing a Sin?

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 20:58:00 +0000

Isn’t it amazing how God places certain people, books or Scriptures in your life right when you need them? Sometimes you aren’t even aware that you are in need; but, He knows! He, again, did that for me this last week

I had a meltdown recently that came out of nowhere! I couldn’t really understand why it was triggered but I DID NOT LIKE IT!!!! I used to have these meltdowns ALL the time. Actually, I lived in a constant state of meltdown! But, as I grew in my relationship with God and learned to surrender to the Holy Spirit, these meltdowns became fewer and farther in between.

Therefore, when this recent meltdown occurred, I immediately started thinking and meditating and (as my grandmother would say) ruminating on the source of my excessive emotions. I am one of those people who like to know the underlying causes of why they think or act or speak the way they do. I figure it helps me to understand so I can give this particular thing to God so He can make changes – lasting changes.

This time, though, in my prayers I started asking God something different. I had always asked for revelation, discernment at these times; but, this time I asked for change without the revelation. I finally understood God is able to make change in my life whether I understand or not what the root cause is. I asked Him to make the changes necessary; and, if it pleased Him, to reveal the source. I was not going to seek or spend time any further on trying to discover why these emotions were triggered in me. But, I was going to surrender them to Him and allow Him to change me in whatever way was needed!

That is when He placed in my hands a book by Joyce Meyer titled “Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone”. I was at the library looking for something else and at the last minute I decided to go look for a different book by Joyce Meyer. The book I was looking for wasn’t there but as I was turning away to go check out my other books, this one seemed to jump out at me from the shelf.

My first reaction was “I don’t need to read that book – I’ve dealt with that in my life”! But, I felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit to take it home with me and so I did. When it came time for me to decide which book I was going to read first, I chose something else. But, there was that nudge from the Holy Spirit once again telling me to read Joyce Meyer’s book first.

Oh, the revelations God has given me through the words of Joyce Meyer from the pages of her book! I am seeing so clearly how my emotional meltdowns throughout my life (including the most recent one) have come from my addiction to approval! I am seeing how my need for approval started as a child! This need for approval also has a tentacle better known as “people pleasing”.

My father has always had anger issues and I never knew what might “set him off”. Because of this, I learned at a very early age to do whatever I could to keep him “happy”. I feared my father’s anger because I felt rejected and unloved by him and his lack of approval of me when he was angry. Those emotions don’t feel good at all, as I’m sure you can attest to. I learned from an early age on to do whatever I could to keep peace in my relationship with my father.

Unfortunately, I carried those “people pleasing” habits and attitudes throughout my childhood and into my adulthood and into every relationship I’ve ever had. Those attitudes are NOT just bad habits though. They displease God! In effect, I am placing other people ahead of Him – they become first in my life by default. Not only that, but I am also placing myself ahead of Him because these habits ultimately are self preservation actions. I am not trusting God to take care of me and preserve me!!!

WOW!!!! Talking about an eye-opener…

So, what about the question… Is trying to please people all the time really a sin? Yes! Well, maybe I should elaborate on that a little bit It is sin when you are trying to please everyone for the wrong reasons – you are working from a place of wrong motives.

God tells us in Hebrews 12:14 “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”

Some of us only see the first part of that verse though. We go about striving to have no conflict of any kind or confrontation with anyone! But, the second half of the verse is what we should filter the first half of the verse through. To be holy is to be dedicated, consecrated and devoted to God. Living to please Him is the focus. If I am living in fear of making someone angry by some word or action on my part, is that living to please Him? If I am living in fear of rejection, is that pleasing to Him?

There will be times the Holy Spirit will lead us to speak the truth in love to someone or take a certain action. If we are afraid to make that person angry or afraid we will be rejected because of our words or actions, we won’t follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. That is NOT living to please God!

I am not done with the book yet and I am VERY sure God is not done teaching me yet regarding this subject. I know understanding what my problem is may only be part of the battle… But, it is a beginning and is already making an impact on my life.

I don’t want to be a people pleaser any more – at least not in the way that I have in the past. Not out of fear of rejection or not being loved; but, to do so in a balanced and healthy way as the Lord leads. I want to be wholeheartedly devoted to God and living to please Him. How about you? Do you “suffer” from approval addiction and people pleasing?

Holy Father… My most gracious Redeemer… Heal the wounds of my past that have produced my people pleasing, approval addiction behavior. I want to live totally for You; not in fear of rejection or anger. I KNOW that You love me and that is ALL I need!!! Amen.

From my heart,

Desire of My Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 17:45:00 +0000

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4 (New Living Translation)

So, what is the desire of my heart? I have been meditating on this lately and my prayers have been filled with my heart’s cry.

Some of my mutterings… Empty me… Give me more of You… Change me, mold me, prune me until I am a reflection of You, Jesus… I lay down my life – all that I am, all that I have, all that I will ever be – live through me… Purify my thoughts, words, actions and attitudes until they are pleasing to You…

My words seem so paltry and inadequate when trying to express what is deep within me. I am so grateful the Holy Spirit can take my agonized groaning and give utterance to what I cannot seem to articulate.

What, then, is the desire of my heart?

To love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and body! That’s it!!!

His Word tells me that if I take delight in Him, He will give me my heart’s desires.

To take delight in the Lord means to take pleasure or enjoyment in Him. Do I understand what that means? As I looked up the definition of delight and looked at some synonyms for it, this is what I have discovered and planted deep in my heart. Delight is like a diamond; there are many facets which reflect part of the whole. Contentment is one facet of delight - I need to be content in Him and not looking to anyone or anything else to complete or affirm me. Another facet is gladness; I need to be full of gladness – appreciation – for who He is. One more facet is joy and pleasure; I need to feel joy and pleasure in spending time with Him and in His Word. The last facet I want to share is satisfaction; I need to be satisfied with how He fulfills my desires, expectations and needs.

This list is not exhaustive but it has given me a framework to understand how to take delight in my Lord.

As I contemplate what this means, I am beginning to see how this “delight in the Lord” is the basis, the foundation, from which I receive my heart’s desire. For how can I love Him if I am not content in Him? How can I love Him if I don’t appreciate who He is? How can I love Him if I don’t feel joy and pleasure in spending time with Him? How can I love Him if I am not satisfied with how He orders my life; how He fulfills my desires, expectations and needs?

I started out writing this post to see if I could put into words what the desire of my heart is; but, I have found so much more!

Am I perfect in loving Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and body? No! But, I’m not where I used to be either!! Do I take delight in Him? More and more with each passing day! The more I delight in Him the more I love Him…kind of a circle :-)

One more thing I have learned… It is not by my own power or determination that I love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and body. He gives me that ability as I focus on delighting in Him! I have never, ever accomplished anything in the spiritual realm by my own striving. Again, it comes down to – it’s not about me, it’s all about Him!!!

Abba…Father… Sometimes You work in me while trying to put into writing what is in my heart – that was tonight! Thank You!! Once again I humbly place myself at the foot of your throne and acknowledge it is ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!! I praise Your glorious Name now and forever more… Amen.

From my heart,

Father's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Happy Father's Day everyone! Jack and I are in New Mexico spending Father's Day with his dad. He is not doing so well and at 87 we never know when it might be the last time we get to spend some time with him in this life. My father-in-law has a very special place in my heart! I have known him for 41 years and he truly has been like a father to me. He has always given me unconditional love and acceptance - right from the very first moment I met him. He has been there for me in the really bad times and in the really good times. He never judged me nor did I fear his love would be sometimes hot and sometimes cold. He consistently showed love not only to me but to everyone he came in contact with. He has always been one of the most generous and most unselfish men I have known. God truly has blessed me!

I wrote a couple weeks ago on my other blog about fathers and the one and only perfect Father. I hope you check it out here at Butterfly Kisses at Beyond The Song.

From my heart,

Dreams and Visions

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 22:24:00 +0000

The other day I was having a conversation with my 13 and 8 year old granddaughters. Somehow the conversation became fixed on dreams. My older granddaughter made the comment “if you dream about yourself dying, you actually will die” – you know, the falling off the cliff type dream where you wake up before you hit bottom. If you don’t wake up before you hit bottom, you will die in real life.

Now, this was nothing new to me… I had heard the same thing ever since I was a kid. I don’t know who started this popular belief about dreams; but, it seems to propagate from generation to generation. I believed it myself until a number of years ago. I shared the following with my granddaughters…

Shortly after my son died (somewhere within the first three months after his death) I had a series of dreams. Each one of these dreams helped me to deal with different aspects of my son’s death. The last dream was about my own death. I was in a very tall building (we call them skyscrapers) on one of the top floors when an earthquake occurred. The dream was very vivid as I saw through the windows of my building the destruction which was taking place. My building was shaking and shuddering and was falling apart. As the building started to topple, I was flung through the window where moments before I was watching the effects of the earthquake. Everything went black in my dream. I knew I was dead. As the dream continued, I found myself in a huge room full of people. I knew without being told they were dead as well. We all seemed to be waiting for something… I heard MY name called. Not like over a loud speaker but within myself. I then began flying as if being pulled by a powerful force towards this blinding light. As I got closer to the light, I could see Jesus was the source of light and His hand was outstretched towards me. I put my hand in His and immediately we were in the midst of the most luscious and beautiful meadow I had ever seen. The colors of the grass, flowers and trees were the most vivid of colors. I knew I was home and I felt such peace and joy just being with Jesus.

That is when I woke up from my dream. In those first few moments I actually felt loss and wanted to go back – it had been so real! As my awareness returned, I knew God had given me this dream to show me what my son had experienced in his death. Not necessarily the details but the being “called home” – the calling of his name by Jesus who was waiting to take his hand. It wasn’t an impersonal call but an intimate drawing to His side.

Does God still speak to us in dreams and visions? There was a time when I would have said “no”. I was taught God used dreams and visions in Bible times; but, not after the Apostles died. I never thought to ask why He quit using dreams and visions to speak to us – I just believed what I was taught!

As I started reading and studying the Scripture for myself, I realized God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Since my series of dreams after my son died, I have read some amazing testimonies about how God used dreams and visions to bring someone to Himself – to a saving knowledge of His Son, Jesus Christ.

Does God still speak to us in dreams and visions? I would answer with a resounding “YES”! What about you… Do you believe God still speaks to us in dreams and visions? Why or why not?

Father God, open our spiritual eyes. Remove the “scales” of our modernistic and materialistic mindset that would limit how You should or should not interact with those You have called to be your very own! May our spirits be one with your Spirit so we may discern between what is of You and what might be a counterfeit working of the evil one. May you be glorified and honored Father. Amen.

From my heart,

At Last!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Fri, 28 May 2010 23:59:00 +0000

These are my three grandchildren who currently live in Florida. But, guess what? Soon they will be moving to join us here in Idaho!!!

It has been over seven years since we have all lived together in the same city – much less in the same state – LOL. We are sooooo excited to be reunited with both sons and their families at last!! God has blessed us beyond what we can ask or imagine in so many ways but this is very special to both my husband and myself

To be able to worship Him with both families, to serve Him together and watch our grandchildren grow into godly young women and men – what joy! We will cherish this special time as long as God deems best. If and when God’s will leads in a different direction, we will bless and send them where He leads them knowing that His will is best for all of us.

We live for Him! It gives me great pleasure to be able to say that because it wasn’t always so. May you, Holy Father, be glorified through our lives and through our story!!

From my heart…

New vs Old

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Mon, 17 May 2010 03:25:00 +0000

Did Jesus die just to give you and me a free pass out of hell? A glorified “fire insurance policy” (to borrow someone else’s words) if you will?

Too many Christians live their lives as if that is the only truth. John 10:10b reads “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Here Jesus says He came to give us life, an abundant life. What does that mean?

I know from my own personal experience the salvation Jesus gave me is more than just a “get out of hell free” pass. When I lived my life with only this part of the truth, there was no change in the way I lived. In fact, I pretty much did whatever I thought was best for myself and I descended into a pit of darkness and despair. The full truth of His death and resurrection is what finally set me free to live a new life.

Galatians 2:20 is what I am talking about. It says “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Paul goes on to say in Romans 6:4 “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” (My emphasis added.) This “new life” Jesus and Paul talked about isn’t some future metamorphosis that happens when you and I reach Heaven. No! It is for the here and now of our physical lives. Romans 8:11 makes this clear when Paul tells us “And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.” (My emphasis added.)

To put this in the simplest of terms… Jesus died to save us from our sins. Jesus came back to life to give us the power to live NEW lives here on earth. His death put us back in fellowship/community with God the Father; but His resurrection breaks the power of sin in our lives so we (you and I) may live a new life not enslaved to the sins of our old life. Whatever habit (action, thought, emotion) held us in its power (alcohol, drugs, sex, lying, cheating, greed, pride, etc.) no longer can control us. But, if you and I don’t know the truth about the power of those things being broken, we will continue to live as if they still have the same power as they did before!

When the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery was brought before Jesus, He said something that is pretty radical. John 8:11b records these words of Jesus, “Go now and leave your life of sin." (New International Reader’s Version) Why would He say something like this to her? And, ultimately, why would He say something like this to you and me?

Because He came to give us new life – we are reborn in our spirit. We have the same physical body but we have a new spirit given to us by Jesus. Not only does He give us a new spirit but He also gives us the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our Guide and Teacher for this new life we now live in our body. Here’s the catch though – you and I have to listen for direction and instruction from the Holy Spirit in order to know how to live this new life.

So, how do we listen?

Well, if we continue to live our lives (the old life we lived before we trusted Jesus) as we always have, we will drown out the sound of the Holy Spirit trying to speak to us. If the sound of the Holy Spirit is drowned out, there will be no change in the life we live to show we ever trusted Jesus. If there is no change, there is no witness to those around us of the radical power at our disposal in the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Again, I say, how do we listen?

The Holy Spirit speaks to us in many ways but I think first and foremost it is through the written Word of God. As we read and think about God’s Word, we become more tuned into the Holy Spirit’s wave length (if I can put it in that way)! Kind of like changing the radio from one channel to another in our car; we purposely choose to listen to something different than we were listening to before.

I recently heard a comment from a fellow Christian that floored me. I’m not sure he meant it the way it came across but here’s the gist of what he said.

The Bible, God’s written Word to man, is only for committed Christians. We shouldn’t expect or hold other Christians (carnal Christians or new Christians) accountable to the teachings it contains.

How will these Christians ever learn to listen to the Holy Spirit and unleash His power for change in their lives if “committed” Christians aren’t pointing to the Bible as an “accountability tool” for them to look at. Not in judgment or condemnation but in love and mercy and grace.

In my own personal experience, I point directly to the Bible as the biggest catalyst for seeing the truth of the power of my risen Savior to effect change in my life. When the light of His Word started permeating the darkness of my life (and I had been a Christian for many years), changes started happening. Behaviors, thoughts, speech all started to change as I looked into His Word!

Jesus didn’t die just to save us from hell. He came back to life so we might have new life!

There should be change!

Glorious Father I thank you for your love. I thank you Jesus for giving your life to restore me to fellowship with the Father and for your resurrection which breaks the power of sin over my life. Holy Spirit I thank you for the power of your teaching, guidance and correction for the new life I have been given. Your Kingdom, Father, is here and now and it is within me as I willingly give up my “self” life and live for You alone! I pray for the truth of Your resurrection power to be unleashed in everyone who is reading this today. May you receive all the glory and honor forever and ever. Amen.

Happy Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 09 May 2010 04:05:00 +0000

I am sitting here in front of my computer. I have just put my 8 year old granddaughter and 6 year old grandson to bed. I listened to them giggle as Grandpa told them some silly story and I am feeling overwhelmed with love for them! We had a lot of laughs this evening as we played our own version of Guesstures. Being a mother has been one of the biggest blessings of my life; but having grandchildren has been the icing on the cake :-)

May all of you have a very blessed and happy Mother's Day!!

Created with Love and Delight

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 02 May 2010 04:57:00 +0000

My Lord whispered deep within me - I created you with love and delight! I needed to hear this… From the beginning of time He planned for me. He took great delight in “knitting me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139). I am no accident. I am who He created me to be!

No matter what is going on in my life, no matter what others may think of me, no matter what my own feelings may be – God delights in me, His daughter!

Twice He has given me life – physical birth and spiritual birth. Each time He created me with love and delight!

Too many times in my life I listened to the lies of Satan and built a mindset which said I was unlovable. I fell into the trap of looking to others to see if they “delighted” in me; only to come away more deeply convinced no one would “delight” in me unless I first proved my own devotion to them. Of course, I could never prove anything to anyone – that too is part of the lies Satan fed me.

I have been easily manipulated throughout my life by those closest to me. I don’t think they were aware of the power they held over me but were just interacting with the persona I had created because of the lies I believed about myself. Can you relate to what I am saying?

God is slowly weaning me away from these lies. Slowly, I say, because I am slow in understanding the power and influence I have given to others to impact my life. Some for good; but, some for not so good!

That has been part of the problem (so to speak). When you have an erroneous mindset like what I described above, you allow both good and bad influences because the underlying need (to be loved and delighted in) blinds you.

Over the years God has shown me over and over how much He loves me and cares for me. He is continually bathing me in that knowledge so the “dirt” of looking to others for my affirmation is being washed away. I don’t know about you but being clean for me is a great feeling!

Do you know that God delights in you? What does that mean? According to the American Heritage dictionary, delight means “To take great pleasure or joy” in something. So, God takes great pleasure and joy in you – He takes great pleasure and joy in me. Isn’t that amazing?!

When I start to think about those people in my life to whom I have always looked to see if I delight them (and have not seen what I longed to see), I remind myself of the One who does delight in me. Who has shown me over and over again how He loves me for who I am. Who whispers of His love to me in the deepest recesses of my innermost being. He knows me intimately – I am no surprise to Him.

So, when I am tempted to wallow in the “dirt” again, I look to the One who always affirms me – there is no hidden agenda with Him. I need never fear He will manipulate me…

How about you? Who do you look to for affirmation? Remember, God created you with love and delight!

Father…dare I say…Daddy! It is beyond my ability to comprehend the love and delight you take in me but I rest in your Word that tells me so. No matter how I feel, it doesn’t change the fact that you love me and I give you joy and pleasure just because I am. May the assurance of this fact permeate down through every aspect of my being and change me from the inside out. May it spur me on to love others unconditionally and without any hidden agenda of my own. You have given me freedom and I choose to live from that fact and not to look to others to find my worth! I give you all the glory and honor forever and ever. Amen!

From my heart,

It's Okay If I'm Not Perfect

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 03:25:00 +0000

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

I know I have been MIA for quite awhile. I believe there was a reason for the extended absence. Yes, I have been extremely busy with our move from our apartment to our new house - the boxes upon boxes needing to be unpacked; finding a new “home” for all my beloved possessions. Yes, I have been busy enjoying my kids and grandkids. But, more than these things, I believe God has had me on a “soul vacation” (a phrase borrowed from Joyce Meyer).

I believe He wanted my undivided attention during my “down” times from all the frenzy that comes with moving a household for the second time in two months :-) He has been speaking to my heart about many things – relationships are more important than my “to do” list; being thankful for all God’s provision; becoming more and more aware of God’s love for me; being grateful for the awesome love, mercy and grace He has showered on me; looking to Him to fulfill ALL my needs and desires – just to name a few.

But, one thing keeps coming back to my mind over and over again. It’s okay if I’m not perfect!

You see, I have come to realize over the last few months my obsession with perfectionism. I have come to see how I was seeking to be perfect in order to be loved. Everything I did had to be perfect; as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, employee, friend, etc. I set these impossible standards for myself and then proceed to beat myself up when I invariably fail.

Because I was using perfectionism as a measurement for love, I would have difficulty if anyone ever made comments or asked questions of me I perceived were pointing out my imperfection. If I was imperfect, I was unloved. That was the underlying message I believed. Satan is really good at getting us to believe his lies, isn’t he?!

You want to know the really weird thing about all of this? I know I am imperfect! God’s Word tells me so.

God’s Word also tells me in Romans 5:8 that God showed His love for me (Debbie) when Jesus went to the cross for my sake - while I was a sinner (or “imperfect” in my words). This tells me two things right up front.

First, my state of perfection or imperfection has nothing to do with God’s love for me – He loves me. Period. Nothing I do or don’t do will ever change that fact.

Second, my sinfulness (imperfection) is in the past tense in this verse. I have read this verse more times than I can count but I just noticed for the first time this fact. When I became a daughter of the Most High God, the perfection of Christ was given to me. God no longer sees my imperfection (sinfulness) for He sees me clothed in righteousness.

So, what does this mean? Does it mean I no longer sin? Of course not! Chapters 6 and 7 of Romans talks about this.

This is what has been percolating in my mind and starting to permeate my being though. I DO NOT have to be perfect to win God’s love. I don’t have to measure other people’s love for me by how perfect or imperfect they think I am or I think I am.

These concepts are not new to me; I have had a “head knowledge” of them for years. But, it is starting to become a “heart knowledge”. What you and I truly believe in our hearts will come out in our thoughts and actions. The word “believe” is an action word. Understanding with our minds (intelligence) does not affect our actions; but, believing (this takes place in the deepest recesses of our being – what God calls the heart) the truth of God’s Word will change us from the inside out.

It is by the power of the Holy Spirit who is at work within me that I see change taking place beyond, immeasurably more, what I could ask or imagine in this stronghold Satan has had on me from the earliest times I can remember!

Now, for the first time in my life I can say with all my heart – it’s okay if I’m not perfect!!

Let freedom reign, your freedom Lord, in my heart. Your freedom releases me from the chains and bondage to the lies Satan has whispered to me throughout my life. The sad thing is – I am imperfect. But, the wonderful truth Satan has perverted is who I am in Christ – made righteous and perfect in your sight. Not by anything I did or can do but by what Jesus accomplished on the cross. You love me as your precious child – not because of what I have done to win your love either! My heart is overflowing with love and gratefulness for all you are doing within me! May your name be praised forever and ever. Amen.

From my heart,

Love Others as Ourselves

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:22:00 +0000

What does this mean? I am in no way an authority on this subject; nor will I delve too deeply or at length. But, God keeps showing me over and over just how much I miss the mark on this; how much I fall short of His intentions! Not to make me feel guilty or condemned; but, to gently convict and teach me to love unconditionally…to love without expectations…to love without judging…and a host of other “love” attitudes He wants to develop in me.

I think most people are aware of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a which says “Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (Amplified Bible)

The statement - “Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking” - in the middle of this list Paul gives us describing love, I believe, is the linchpin that makes this whole list cohesive.

It is not a common every day love with which Jesus tells us to love others with. It is the very love of God in us; that flows through us to overflowing. The immeasurable, limitless, unfathomable love of God poured out on each one of us!

God loves me, He loves you, unconditionally. There is nothing you or I can do to make Him love us more. There is nothing you or I can do to make Him love us less. This is the kind of love we are to love others with.

If you really look at this list Paul gives us, you will see the “love of self” is the implied antithesis to loving others. Why are we not patient and kind? Why are we envious and filled with jealousy? Why are we rude, touchy and resentful? Why do we not believe the best of every person? Because we are focused on ourselves!

Jesus modeled for us the two greatest commandments when He became our sacrifice on the cross.

First and foremost, He loved the Father. Because of that, He wanted to do the will of His Father even if it meant going to the cross. We see that in the prayer of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane where He prayed three times for release – but each time He was totally surrendered to the will of His Father. Yes, the physical torture He suffered was horrendous; but, I believe what He dreaded the most was the impending separation from God the Father. A separation He had never known!

Second, He loved us. He did not put Himself first – He did not insist on His own rights or His own way – but endured the pain and suffering of the cross in our place! He never once said “Well, when you show me some love, then I will go to the cross for you.” Romans 5:8 says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” While you and I were His enemies, He died for us. (See Romans 5:10a)

When Jesus said “love your neighbor as yourself”, He was talking about putting a priority on the other person’s well-being. Here is just one example from Scripture that touches on this subject; there are so many. I challenge you to read Luke 6:27-42 and meditate on what Jesus was saying. Do your own search of Scripture to find more instruction on how to love others as yourself!

The world would be changed if we were to love others the way God has loved us!!

Father, teach me to sacrificially love others. To empty myself of all focus on “self” so I may be filled with your love. Not for my benefit but to be able to love others as you have loved me! Amen.

What is the Opposite of Loving God?

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:22:00 +0000

So, what would a lot of people answer this question with? Some might say “not loving God”. Some might say “hating God”. I want to put something else out there for you to think about. Maybe something different which has never crossed your mind…or maybe it has.

I believe the opposite of loving God is the love of self!

Now, some of you might be thinking “Whoa, wait a minute here. Doesn’t the Bible tell us to love ourselves?” You might even be thinking of the scripture Matthew 22:39b which says 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' This seems to imply we should love ourselves, doesn’t it?

In fact, I have heard many Christians say something along these lines “I can’t really love others until I learn to love myself”. Do you see the subtle change of focus – from loving others to loving yourself?

We get caught up in this mindset of learning to love ourselves before we can truly love others because it is easy for us to think this way. Why? Couple reasons come to mind immediately for me.

First, our sinful nature automatically focuses on self – taking care of number one, what’s best for me, self-preservation, etc.

Second, not everyone likes themselves. We tend to equate not liking ourselves to not loving ourselves. Whether our thoughts and feelings about ourselves are positive or negative is really a moot point. Where’s the focus?

In actuality, we love ourselves more than anything else until we come to Christ. Little by little as we cooperate with the Holy Spirit in our lives, the focus of our love changes to what Christ called the two greatest commandments – first to love God with everything we are and second to love others.

So, what does it mean to “love others as ourselves”? I think I will defer that topic until my next blog so I can stay on track with this one :-) So, come on back…

Here is a challenge for you… Take just one day to do the following – you might be surprised! Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. How many times during the day are they focused on you? You might have to look beyond the surface because we are very good at disguising the real motivation for a particular thought, feeling or action. How many times have you “served” God in a particular ministry but, if honest with yourself, it really was about you – either wanting approval, or wanting to be considered as part of a particular group of people, or…you name it. How many times even in our parenting, if we are truthful with ourselves, we would see our focus is on our convenience, what others think of us because of our children, etc.

Now, here’s the second half of the challenge… How many times were you focused on God during the same day? How much time did you devote to meditating on Him – who He is? Which occupied your thoughts more – you or God?

I would love to hear the results of your challenge if you care to share them with me! I will be honest with you…this challenge is not easy as I am very good at fooling myself as to my true motivations for any given thought, feeling or action. I have found I am more focused on myself than I want!!

Father, I truly pray I will become more focused, more loving towards You. As John the Baptist said so long ago when speaking about Jesus – “He must increase, but I must decrease”. Empty me of love of self. Fill me with your love Father. You are the source of true love which is first and foremost directed back towards You and then towards others. Help me to see when I am putting myself as the center of my focus and help me to redirect that focus to You. Help me to love others as you love them. I pray Your perfect love would flow more and more in me and through me to everyone I come into contact with each and every day. May you be glorified Father! Amen.

P.S. It seems this is something God really wants to impress on me. If you read my last post, you will see this theme. A sermon series at church (which started when I was sick and unable to attend) centered around this theme. A few blogs I have visited over the last week or so have this theme threaded through them. I am listening Lord!!!

The Gift of Today

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:30:00 +0000

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16b

Well, the malady lingered longer than I expected or wanted! I am finally feeling almost like my old self today but I don’t want to overdo it. That’s what happened three times during my illness – I would start feeling better, overdo, relapse. But, during this time of forced idleness, God has been speaking to me about time.

We seem to be preoccupied with time! Whether we have too much time or not enough is the topic of so many conversations in our culture. Why is this? Possibly it is an inborn sense of this physical life being of limited duration.

While I was somewhat cognizant during my illness (believe me there were times the house could have burned down around me and I wouldn’t have been aware of it), God really spoke to my heart about how I used my time.

I have pretty much learned my lessons about not reliving the past. There was a time I would dredge up experiences and feelings I regretted, or those people and situations I harbored anger or hurt against. I would waste so much time lingering over things I could NEVER change. I praise God for deliverance from that mindset!

There is another mindset, though, which God has been dealing with me on over the last several months - thinking about the future. I’m not saying we shouldn’t make plans for the future or ignore it but it shouldn’t consume our thoughts. The “what if’s”… You know what I’m talking about… LOL!

Only God knows whether we will even wake up tomorrow!

Just as yesterday is gone and can never be relived; so, tomorrow may never come. Today, this day, is the gift God has given me – what am I doing with “today”? How am I living today? Am I doing, saying and thinking those things which please God? How am I treating those people God has placed in my life today?

When I stop and think about it, I realize the two things most important to my heavenly Father – straight out of the mouth of Jesus – is to love Him above all others with everything I am and to love others. Are the plans I’m making for the future centered around these two? More importantly, am I living “today” with those as my focus?

I don’t want to forget this lesson… I think it is a lesson vitally important to all of us.

What are you doing with the “today” God has gifted you with?

Father, I pray this lesson stays with me! Things, events, possessions, task lists, work – whatever – should never be more important in my daily living than time with you or loving others. I pray I will always be open to the “interruptions” you bring into my day which allow me to love those you have placed in my life. Whether it be someone I love dearly or a chance meeting with a stranger in a checkout line at the store; may I be open to your leading and guidance in giving to others what you have given to me! To your glory… Amen!

From my heart,

I've Missed All of You!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 01:36:00 +0000

Glory! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! We are in our new "temporary" abode. It has taken a little longer to get back on line as I have been SICK for the last 4 days. Thank goodness it held off until the movers arrived with our stuff on Monday. Everthing that is getting unpacked is pretty much done - the rest is in storage :-) God has been so good! Everything went smoothly with the move and we were blessed with beautiful weather the two days we were traveling. We made it through the Sierras just ahead of a big snow storm! Yippee... Since I was driving my own vehicle right behind my hubby in his, I was particularly glad for God's providential care in this. I did NOT want to learn how to drive in snow and ice on a long trip :-) Once I get over this nagging malady, I will be back around visiting with all of you!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I would like to remember what the day truly is all about and not the commercial day it has become. Saint Valentine was a martyr for his Christian faith. May we remember this day as a day to pray for all those fellow Christians being persecuted for their faith throughout the world today.

Most Gracious Heavenly Father, You gave Saint Valentine the courage to witness to the gospel of Christ, even to the point of giving his life for it. Help us to endure all suffering for love of you, and to seek you with all our hearts; for you alone are the source of life and love. Grant that we may have the courage and love to be strong witnesses of your truth to our friends and family and to the whole world. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

This prayer is adapted from a collect (prayer) for feasts of martyrs. It is my prayer...how about you?

Moving Day Has Arrived!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:13:00 +0000

Change is in the air! This is my last day with the computer for about a week - oh my! I am not MIA but just between houses. Everything is ready to go except for packing the computer and TV (you know, the things you can't do without - ha, ha, ha). They will go in a box first thing in the morning.

I hope to be able to use the computer at my son's this weekend but we won't have internet access at our temporary home until next Monday. Yes, I said "temporary"! We are gluttons for punishment - LOL. We are going to have a house built so will be staying at an apartment until that is completed in about 3 to 4 months!

We are so excited about our move but sad as well. We are leaving behind some really great friends and a wonderful church family. We are looking forward to what God has in store for us in the future and are content to know that He is in control of all things!!!

Prolific Blogger Award

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:01:00 +0000

Thank you Wylie from Shout a Joyful Noise for including me in the Prolific Blogger Award you are passing on! There are so many bloggers I truly enjoy and that inspire me but I will limit it to a few...and try not to repeat who others are sharing :-) So, in no particular order, here they are...

Leaon @ Shabby Olde Potting Shed

Elaine @ Peace for the Journey

Angela @ Free Spirit Haven

Noreen @ Life Blessings

Jensmere @ Count It All Joy

Natalie @ NatalieWitcher.com

Glynnis @ Welcome Home

Here are rules for sharing the award & what it is about…

"A prolific blogger is one who is intellectually productive… keeping up an active blog that is filled with enjoyable content."

1. Every winner of the prolific blogger award has to pass on this award to at least seven other deserving prolific bloggers to spread some love!

2. Every prolific blogger must link back to the blog from which he/she has received the award.

3. Each prolific blogger must link this back to this post, which explains the origins and motivations for the award.

4. Every prolific blogger must visit this post and add their name in the Mister Linky so that we can all get to know the other winners.

There are so many great blogs I love to visit but will have to honor them at another time :-) Hope you visit each one to see what I think are some really special women!

What Do You Treasure?

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:45:00 +0000

Quoted from ‘A Call to Die' by David Nasser

How can we tell what we treasure? If we are serious about denying our selfish ambitions and taking up our crosses because we treasure Christ above all else, we can count on two things: encouragement and testing. God will lead us to passages of scripture and godly people to fan the flame in our hearts. Imagine how thrilled he is when you and I say, “God, I will do anything to follow you and honor you!” But he also tests that commitment. He brings failure and pain into our lives, not to discourage us but to refine our desires and burn away the stuff that gets in our way. When we say that he is our treasure, he tests us by either giving us those things that compete with him or he takes them away. You may receive an award or experience great success. At that moment, you have a choice of what to treasure. Or you may be rejected by someone you value or fail in an important goal. At that moment, you can choose whether to value the loss and sink into despair or to treasure Christ and say, “Lord, it hurts, but your love is far greater than my loss.” Either way, in success or in failure, our true hearts are revealed and we can grow.

“Why, God, why?” “Why is this happening?” “Are you not with me in this because it isn’t where you want me to be?” “Things were going so smoothly and now everything is a mess. Why did you withdraw your hand of blessing?” You can add your own questions here – we all have them!

The doubts, the questions bombard our thoughts. Been there, done that! Sometimes they come from our own flesh and sometimes Satan shoots his darts at us.

But, the quote at the top of my post gives me, and I hope you as well, a different perspective on things. What do I treasure? The situations, both good and bad, that God allows into my life should be used as a tool to show me what I am treasuring, what I give value to.

I say I am committed to God. I say to myself, to others and to God that all I am and all I have are His to do with as He pleases. God will test that commitment. Why? I believe David Nasser in his book “A Call to Die” hits the proverbial nail on the head. So I can see for myself where I am lacking in my commitment. What I might be treasuring above Him!

I want to be able to say with Job “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21) Job had just learned that all of his children were dead and all of his possessions were either destroyed or stolen. I would say he experienced a major testing! This is what verse 22 says “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”

I don’t know about you, but, I want my desires refined! You might think I am crazy – after all, no one likes to go through times of testing – but I look forward to whatever God allows into my life so that I might grow. What I gain is so much more valuable than any pain! I want to be a GIANT in my faith, my trust and my commitment to my Lord and Savior!!

The refiner’s fire is held by the One who loves me without limit – not to destroy me but to burn off the impurities so I am able to reflect His character more and more. So I may treasure what He treasures…

What about you? Are you wanting and willing to grow? Are you ready to be a GIANT?

Abba, Father… I don’t really like pain, heartache, turmoil; but, if it shows me what I treasure, what I am holding more dear than you, then allow those things into my life! Your will be done… My life, my family, my possessions – all that I am and all I have in this world – are yours to do with as you please!! Amen.

Journey of Love - Lessons Learned

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:45:00 +0000

To start at the beginning - start here

Thank you for following my story with me! I hope you see the amazing love, mercy and grace of God through my life journey. God has been so faithful in using my life situations and circumstances to teach me so many things and I would like to share a few of them here with you. Here they are in no particular order…
• No matter how great your family of origin and your childhood was, no matter how dysfunctional your family of origin and your childhood was, you are responsible for your own thoughts, attitudes and actions. Where you came from has an influence on you; but, you have the choice to be all that God has purposed for you to be. You can rise above where you started or you can sink below where you started; the choice(s) belong to you.

• Compromising your belief and faith in Jesus just to “fit” in or be accepted or liked by others is a slippery slope. Each compromise tumbles you a little further down the slope and you will eventually make bigger and bigger, more serious compromises that may land you in a deep, dark pit of pain and hurt. Like anything else in life, the more you do something, the easier it is to do it.

• God can and will bring people and relationships into your life. If we aren’t following Biblical principles, God’s guidelines, for those relationships, there is the potential for your relationships to become destructive instead of what God intended them to be. This is true of all relationships whether of family, friends, spouse or children.

• Forgiveness is not an option. Jesus makes it very clear that if you are unwilling to forgive those who have hurt you, God will not forgive you. Forgiveness is also a mystery. Seemingly you are letting someone “off the hook” for their actions towards you. But, in actuality, there is freedom when you choose to forgive someone for what they have done to you. Freedom from bondage to anger and bitterness. Freedom to love God and others. Freedom in acknowledging God is in control and will be the perfect judge. Essentially, unforgiveness is a prison where you are the one behind bars instead of the one you want retribution from.

• Living life your own way instead of God’s way will at best leave you unsatisfied and at the worst leave you in darkness and despair. When you pursue God with all of your body, mind, strength and soul, your life will be full of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control. God does not guarantee a pain free life without trials, tribulations, pain and loss; but, in the midst of and in spite of those things, you will have an abundant life with a peace that surpasses all your understanding.

• There is absolutely nothing you can do to make God love you less and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make God love you more! You cannot work for His love nor can you buy it. He gives it to you freely. When you take this truth deep inside and let it permeate your whole being, your life WILL change.

• Living a holy and sanctified life is possible. It is not about being perfect for there is only One who is perfect. But, it is about dedicating yourself, committing yourself, surrendering yourself to Jesus and making Him Lord of your life. This means dying to self. There are a lot of words with the prefix “self”: self-confidant, self-reliant, self-absorbed, self-pity, self-conscious, etc. These are just a few – you can go to a dictionary to find myriads more. Basically, “self” is all about you. Dying to self means taking the focus off of you and putting the focus on God – it’s all about Him!

• God reveals Himself to you when you seek Him with your whole being. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Just as He revealed Himself in ages past through dreams, visions, prophets and through His Word, He will reveal Himself to you.

• Trust is such a scary thing in the human realm because no one is without sin. That means you will be hurt and/or betrayed by everyone you know whether they intend it or not! There is only One who is absolutely trustworthy and that is God. When you read in His Word that He will never leave you or forsake you, you can know without a doubt He will never leave you alone. When He says there is nothing in the physical realm or the spiritual realm that can separate you from His love, you can count on His love for you. Every promise He has ever made to you as His child, He has kept and will continue keeping. Don’t lump Him in with all the others that have failed you in the past, are failing you in the present or will fail you in the future. He has promised you that His plans for you are not to harm you but to prosper you, to give you hope and a future. Don’t lose sight of His promises when circumstances and people leave you reeling.

• There is no person or situation beyond God’s capability to change. Never give up hope in Him nor give up praying to Him. God is STILL a God of miracles!

• God’s provision for you isn’t just in the big things like salvation and eternal life. No, He loves you so much He is involved in the minutest details of your life. Look for His provision on a daily basis in the smallest things – the more you look, the more you will see. There are no coincidences when you belong to Him.

• You are uniquely created by God in your mother’s womb. He gave you not only your physical attributes (hair, eye color, body, height, etc.) but also gave you a unique personality. Don’t spend time trying to be somebody else. Appreciate who God made you and seek to be everything He wants you to be.

There are so many things I have learned through the Holy Spirit’s guidance – once I started listening to Him. These are some of the BIG things which the Holy Spirit has brought to mind while I was writing this. I probably could go on and on and on; but, I will spare you. LOL!

I am passionate about giving God all the glory and honor for how far He has brought me on my journey of love – His love!!

Is your life in turmoil? Do you know His love? If you have questions about God’s love for you or you would like to contact me about my own journey, I would love to hear from you. Just click on the “Email Debbie” link on the left side of the page.

From my heart,

Journey of Love - Looking for God's Providence

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 04:18:00 +0000

To start at the beginning, start here - Introduction

It was two years after Jason’s death I was asked to speak at a women’s retreat on the subject of loss. Yes, I was still grieving. Yes, my emotions were still raw in many ways. At first I wasn’t sure what I would talk about – my loss was still very recent in many ways. But, as I started preparing for my talk, one fact became very clear to me as I looked back over the previous two years – God’s provision!

Side Note… Since all of my notes from that talk are packed away at this time, I will be going from memory – this will be a test to see how well my memory is working. LOL!

Jason’s death was a catalyst in many ways for me but in one area especially – it opened my eyes to God’s provision in my life. More than anything else in my life it helped me to understand there is nothing in my life which God considers too small or insignificant for His consideration and care. I always thought of His provision as a grandiose thing happening on the large scale and not something to look for in the tiniest of details of my life. I know differently now.

Let me share some examples of what I am talking about relating to the events I talked about in my last post…

I mentioned in my last post, Deepest Grief, a poem my mom sent me a couple of weeks before Jason’s death. The poem, right from the get go, made an impact on me as it talked about those things that happen in our lives that we just don’t understand why God would allow them entrance into His children’s lives. I think I made mention of the title of the poem – He Maketh No Mistake. One day I will post the poem so you can appreciate it as well. Anyway, I look back now and realize my mom was the vehicle, but that poem was a message for me straight from God Himself. It was the one thing I kept repeating to myself over and over through those dark days – God doesn’t make mistakes! He wanted me to know I could trust Him even when things don’t make sense. He knew I was going to need that reassurance!

That uneasy feeling that kept me from going on the trip with my sister and mother and again that afternoon that kept me home instead of going to church was another gift from Him. I was here and not 2000 miles away or up in the sky flying home or at church and out of communication when the call came in about my son. As we waited for the Coroner’s Office to come remove Jason’s body, many were telling us to go home (I’m sure out of compassion for us so we wouldn’t see his body being taken away) but I kept thinking while we were waiting – I brought my son into this world, I won’t leave him now. I can’t speak for others in the same situation; but for me personally, I needed to be there. God knew that about me and provided!

Months before that fateful day, God led me to start a women’s Bible study group at my home. I had been creating my own lessons and had maybe six ready to go and had women signed up with a start date set – the next Monday after the funeral. Of course, when the date was set I didn’t know what would occur just a few days prior; but, God knew. Those ladies and preparing for that Bible study kept me focused on my Lord in the midst of those dark days. Not only did they keep me focused on Jesus but they were a “built in” support group for me – praise God. One more blessing my Lord so richly provided.

These are just a few examples from that particular time in my life. I could go on and on giving you example after example just from those days of deepest grief as a starting point from which to share. There are so many more (beyond number) I could share with you from over the years. But, I leave you with these alone for now…

Some may ask why God didn’t provide for me by preventing Jason’s death. It all goes back to free will, doesn’t it? He won’t override a person’s free will choices. We all make choices. Most of those choices will have affects on those around us – some choices will have a bigger effect more than others. I’m speaking about this particular choice by this particular individual (my son) and it’s affects on me. I don’t begin to claim understanding for every bad thing God may allow into someone’s life. But, I do know this, God loves me. He loves you.

I wonder… What would you see if you intentionally looked for God’s provision in your life? Many times we chalk things up to luck or coincidence. But, for a child of God, there is no such thing. He is in everything. He is in control of ALL things.

Many times, too, we can become so focused on the negatives of our lives we become blind to those ways God is providing. Or, we are looking for His provision to come in a specific way we want and when He provides differently, we miss it. If we will look for those ways that He is providing and acknowledge they are from Him, more and more your eyes will be opened to see His provision. It’s kinda like the snowball effect, the more you see His provision, the more you SEE His provision! I know this has been true for me!

I have shared the following before I know, but it bears repeating.

The first Mother’s Day after my son’s death was difficult for me. My son, Isaac, and his wife, Brandi, had been visiting with us. We decided to go get some ice cream so my two sons and my daughter-in-law piled into one car. Jack and I took our own car as we followed behind. We got separated at a traffic light which turned red for us. We sat there just kinda staring out the windows and feeling Jason’s loss. After a while though, it became really obvious something was wrong with the traffic signal. The lights had changed a couple times without our light ever turning green. Jack and I even remarked to each other about how odd – every other light had turned green several times now without our “turn” to go. I happened to glance at the license plate holder on the car in front of us. On the top it read “I love you Mom” and on the bottom it read “Jason”. Jack saw it almost the same instant as me. I’m not exaggerating – the moment we both saw the message on the car in front of us, our light turned green so we could proceed on our way. What a marvelous gift of provision by a loving God for this grieving mother to see a “message” from her departed son on Mother’s Day!

You can call it coincidence if you want; but, I choose to acknowledge the God of the universe who is in control of ALL things – even traffic signals!

I look for God’s providence all the time now and am amazed every time. Are you looking?

Final installment, “Lessons Learned”, next… Hope you come back for my conclusion :-)

Most holy and gracious Father I am so thankful for your provision. I am so thankful my eyes are opened to the fact there is nothing too insignificant for your provision. Your love and mercy are extended to me in the greatest and the least details of my life. I know how much you love me and see your provision for me, your child, on a daily basis. May your name be praised and glorified in and through my life Father! Amen.

Journey of Love - Deepest Grief

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:21:00 +0000

Start here - Introduction

I had been feeling uneasy off and on all week. I couldn’t put my finger on the reason but it was there. I was scheduled to go with my mom and sister on a week’s vacation to drive cross country to deliver my nephew’s car to him where he was stationed in Tennessee. The uneasiness grew as the time for departure drew near and I felt very clearly I wasn’t supposed to go on the trip. So, the day before departure when my parents arrived in town (they lived six hours away), I broke the news to my mom and sister I wouldn’t be going after all. They were very understanding even though I’m sure they must have thought I was being silly :-)

They left very early the next morning (Saturday) and I almost changed my mind at the last minute. I too thought I was being silly about not going. My dad left the next day to return home as he had things to do and would return the following Saturday in time to meet my mom and sister at the airport. As the week wore on and we got updates on the adventures of the cross country trek, I kept thinking I should have gone. The uneasy feeling was no longer with me – it must have been a mistake. Oh well, too late!

Friday came and my dad arrived on my doorstep a day early. God works in amazing ways and this would be the first in a series of things He would arrange over the next days, weeks and months! At the time I wasn’t too thrilled to have my dad a day early… Little did I know the next day would forever change my world…

My mom and sister weren’t scheduled to get in until 10:00 PM and I don’t really remember what the day was filled with. I do remember that late afternoon and evening very vividly though. Here it was a Saturday afternoon and my middle son with his fiancé dropped by to visit. Wonder of wonders, my 14 year old high school son was home – very unusual as those of you who have or had teenagers will attest to.

Our church was going through a renovation on the sanctuary so we were using the Fellowship Hall for services. I know, you’re wondering what this has to do with my story – it seems irrelevant but it isn’t! Because of the renovation and using the smaller facility to hold services, they needed to reduce the attendance at each service to accommodate everyone so they instituted a Saturday evening service at 6:00 PM along with the two services on Sunday. We had been attending the Saturday evening service.

It was about 4:00 PM when we started talking about church. It seemed like I was the only one wanting to go that day. The conversation was going back and forth about going, not going, going on Sunday, etc. I decided I would go by myself. But, lo and behold, the closer the time came to leave my uneasiness grew. Yes, it was back! I kept waffling back and forth as the time came and went for my timely departure.

It was now 5:45. I grabbed my keys and headed towards the garage; I was going to be late but I had finally decided to go. I hadn’t taken five steps when the phone rang. Since I was already up, I decided to answer even though I was running late. It was an old neighbor of ours who lived down the street a few houses from our old house which we rented to our oldest son, Jason. She was calling to let us know there was something wrong with Jason and he needed us. She said he wasn’t feeling well. This was odd; why wasn’t Jason calling us himself. When I pressed her for more details, she was a little evasive. Even more odd. I pressed her some more. She eventually told me in a very compassionate way but with halting words that Jason had tried to take his own life!

Time seemed to stop! Jack, my dad, my two sons and my future daughter-in-law all could tell something was terribly wrong as I hung up the phone. I blurted out what she had told me and pandemonium ensued. Everyone wanted to go but in two seconds Jack and I made the decision that only we would go to be with Jason. We jumped in the car and took off for the longest 20 minute ride of our lives!

All I could think of on the way was one line from a poem my mom had sent me a couple weeks before and the title of the poem itself – He Maketh No Mistake. I was praying with everything within me for Jason to be okay. I know Jack was praying the same thing. I don’t remember either one of us saying a word on that drive. I think we were both too busy petitioning God.

What neither one of us knew at the time was Jason was already gone. My neighbor, who made the phone call, out of compassion for us didn’t tell us the whole truth. She thought it would be best to give us time to absorb the possibility of Jason’s death and not the actuality of it. To this day, I am so grateful to her for this. This too, was God working!

When we arrived at Jason’s house, we were met by his roommates, his girlfriend and some Deputies from the County Sherriff’s Office. They broke the news to us about Jason’s death. The nightmare began!

There are so many details I could provide and a part of me wants to share them but I will limit them at this time. I will share that Jack and I were allowed to see Jason before the Coroner’s Office took him away. He looked like he was asleep as I reached out to touch him…

My baby, my son was gone… I felt like someone had shot a cannon through my heart and the resulting hole was this gaping wound. The phone calls to my other sons, grandparents, aunts and uncles started right there in Jason’s house. The work of loss had begun.

Crying. Lots of crying was going on all around me – his friends, his roommates, his girlfriend. But no tears came for me until much later. I remember Jack and me comforting those young people whose lives had been touched by our son. We were there a couple of hours before we left to go back to our house and the sons who needed our comfort as well. Jason’s girlfriend (Stacey) came with us.

One of the first things I remember doing later that night was to read in the book of Job where God is declaring His sovereignty to Job through a series of questions. God was using those same questions to Job to remind me as well of His sovereignty.

Neither Jack nor I slept that night. We went to bed sometime in the wee hours of the morning. The business of life doesn’t stop for anyone’s death. My mom and sister had to be picked up at the airport and told about the day’s events by my dad. Jack had to take Stacey home. My two sons and my future daughter-in-law had to return movies to the rental store. There were more phone calls made by me to trusted and dear friends from church to let them know of our loss. We were exhausted but sleep would not come. We left the lights on to dispel the darkness that seemed to be overwhelming us. The tears finally came along with gut wrenching sobs that wracked my whole body. A low, keening wail escaped as well. All we could do was hold tightly to each other!

And that is what we did over the next days, weeks and months as we tried to find our new reality that did not include our first born son.

There is one thing I learned – everyone handles grief differently. There is no right way or wrong way to deal with grief. There are several stages of grief documented by professionals but no two people go through those stages in the same way or order or time frame. I also learned that many marriages disintegrate with the loss of a child. Yes, I read books and books about grief. I limited those books to faith based ones though. You see, my Anchor was my focus.

In the midst of my pain, He gave me peace. He did not take away the pain but He was there holding me and comforting me through it all. He spoke to me volumes through His Word – it was my lifeline – it still is!

I wrote a poem about this time in my life I want to share with you but unfortunately it is packed away!! So, it will have to wait to be shared another day :-)

Merciful and gracious Father, I am so thankful every day for your sustaining love and grace in my life. Whether life is going great or takes a turn down through the Valley of Death, you are always there. Your presence in my life during my time of deepest grief was my anchor, my shelter. I praise you for sustaining not only me but Jack as well during those dark days. Looking to you kept our eyes and hearts focused on the One who has ALL things in His hands. May your Name be praised forever and ever. Amen.

“Looking for God’s Providence” will be next and then “Lessons Learned” will be my final installment. Hope you come back and share with me!

Journey of Love - Healing Power of Forgiveness

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:29:00 +0000

Start here - Introduction

It had been years since I turned to Jesus again and made Him my Lord, seeking after Him more and more. I have to admit, though, there was one area of my life I was still withholding from Him. I continued to hang onto the hurt, anger, betrayal of my past. Each time a new encounter with hurt cropped up, I would dredge up all the past and relive it through my emotions. I had a world of bitterness that was robbing me of peace and joy at those times!

The year 1995 stands out as a turning point in my life. It seemed to flow from one crisis to the next. I look back and see how God was faithful in bringing me through that time and just want to shout His praises because He is so deserving of them!

It started out at 6:00 AM on January 1, 1995. The phone rang as we were still sound asleep from staying up to watch the New Year in. No more partying, drinking or drugging. Just a quiet night at home! Jack answered the phone as it was on his nightstand and the voice on the other end was unknown to him; someone out of his past before I knew him. As I listened to his side of the conversation, a lot of old feelings started surfacing. Somehow this event was triggering all sorts of emotions – anger, jealousy, hurt, bitterness. I tried to “stuff” my feelings and act like everything was just fine; but, it wasn’t and I didn’t know why!

For weeks I battled the emotions. There was a spiritual war going on inside of me but I didn’t recognize it as such at the time. Unfortunately, I unloaded a lot of this turmoil onto Jack.

I don’t remember exactly what day it happened but it had probably been a couple of months since that early morning phone call. I was so emotionally sick and depressed I couldn’t go into work. I remember crying and crying – the tears wouldn’t stop. The internal pain was so intense I fell to my knees beside my bed crying out to God for relief! It wasn’t an audible voice I heard but I knew the Lord was talking to me within my spirit. He was telling me I needed to forgive, to let go of all the hurt and vengefulness, to let Him be the One to mete out whatever His justice demanded. “How can I Lord? If I forgive, it’s like I’m saying what was done to me was okay!” His answer was swift “Trust me”! “I’m afraid, Father. I want retribution and I’m afraid You won’t give it to me”! Again He answered “Trust me! I love you and I will take care of you. Step out in faith and trust me to do what is best for you. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive!”

He had brought me to this point before (maybe not quite as dramatically) but I could never take that next step to open the door – the door of forgiveness. I struggled again but He was relentless and would not let me go. I don’t know how long I was there on my knees but He wasn’t letting me get up until I took this monumental step of faith and trust. I remember that morning so well…I don’t ever want to forget! The moment of release finally came and I chose to forgive. I started naming all the individuals and what I was forgiving them for. I was finally surrendering totally to God and not reserving anything for myself – not even my “right” to hold someone accountable for what they had done to me!

The floodgates were opened; the ugliness of bitterness and anger was being released. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. There was a joy and peace inside such as I had never felt before. I was actually able to pray for each and every person and their well being, to pray a blessing on them. I never thought I would be able to do that – I had never wanted to!

Over the next few months I felt more and more of the ugliness inside dissipating and feeling the love of God filling me up in its place. There was a freedom I had never felt before, a lightness in my spirit hard to explain. The healing power of forgiveness was working it’s miracle in me. Words are so inadequate to describe what God was doing in me – emptying me of self. He was finally on the throne and I was a willing subject to whatever His will for me might be!

I didn’t think my marriage could get any better because there was such a dramatic change after my repentance and return to the Lord and then Jack’s conversion. But, I was wrong! There was an openness to Jack I had never felt before. I was willing to give ALL of myself to him with no more hiding behind my own “fig leaves”. Ultimately, trusting God and forgiveness extended to others had not only done a healing inside of me but also more healing in my marriage. Isn’t God just amazing? He is our Creator – why in the world do we think we know best for ourselves? That’s like telling Henry Ford you know how to take care of his invention (the automobile) and how it best operates!

God was preparing me for the storm was coming… So much swifter than I could ever have imagined! Just eight months and nine days from that early morning call on January 1, I received a call that would forever change my life, my family’s life, as we knew it. The storm of deepest grief!

Hope you come back to see how God works even through the most traumatic of times. “Deepest Grief” will be coming next.

From my heart,