From Floss

Processed Foods That Multi Task

2008-06-24T16:39:00.002+00:00

Things you can do with chicken dippers:

eat them (obvious!)
throw them on the ground for dramatic emphasis during an argument
hold onto something nearby whilst skating on dippers to create even more emphasis
dippers can be recycled after being skated on to serve revenge and justice
recycled dippers can be mixed with unmentionable additives if harsh revenge and justice are required
recycled dippers can be smooshed into someones face
cold dippers can be put into someones shoes
dippers can be discretely concealed in an enemy's trouser pockets
dippers pelted from above can do some real damage to unwelcome passers by
dippers in conjunction with a sling shot are very useful
forget the dippers, just attack the person antagonising you with the fork!!! they'll soon learn!

Any and all ideas for alternative dipper uses are welcomed and encouraged.

Kisses,

Flossie. xxx

The Golden Mole

2008-06-23T15:55:00.004+00:00

The Magical Powers of the Golden Mole Include:

* listening to tiny noises with it's tiny ears

* swimming through sand in the dessert

* creating world peace via getting warring friends talking again

* radiating joy

* burrowing for love

* knowing all things about the universe and being generally infinitely wise

* digging fabulous and intricate holes

* maintaining silky soft fur without the aid of any Frederic Fekkai conditioning products

* eliciting cuddles

Sloth Baby

2008-06-23T12:09:00.002+00:00

I'm disillusioned, disappointed and generally not impressed with life today. I am Slothless. MK PROMISED me a Sloth Baby some time ago. He keeps telling me it's on it's way but I'm yet to have any evidence of the Slothie's existence. I'm starting to think it's another of his elaborate LIES! I'm currently not speaking to MK (other than to get my Sloth Baby) seeing as he decided to disappear off the face of the earth for three days mid way through a conversation. Most people would feel bad about this but noooooooo, MK has decided it's more appropriate to be mean to me!!!! Can you believe it!? OMG! It's beyond believable! MK, STOP CALLING ME A MOANER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooops, I've digressed. I'm sorry. Back to the matter at hand. I'm Slothless. I have been such a good girl. I've been ever so sparkling and witty and chatty and entertaining. I've fulfilled all the challenges and tasks I've been assigned. I've even gone without carbs, sugar, caffeine and alcohol for the last week. I was a little manic for the first couple days but after that I was practically sublime to be around. And yet, do I have my PROMISED Sloth baby? NO! It's indecent! Ahhh, my little Sloth Baby. Well, technically it will be Our little Sloth Baby as I've agreed to joint custody. One can't be selfish when it comes to a Sloth Baby and must let others love him also. We've even named our little Slothie. Clearly I can't publicly divulge that kind of information though. It would be like one of the regular breeders announcing the name of their unborn child. But the thought of the little Slothie makes me want to break out in song. "All you need is Slothie, la di da di da, All you need is Slothie, la di da di da! etc, etc, etc.

MK: WHERE IS MY PROMISED SLOTHIE????????

What is life without a Slothie? Not much if you ask me!!!!

Love and kisses,

Flossie xxx

My Baby Love

2007-08-28T16:46:00.000+00:00

My Baby is poorly. I'm so sad. I want to go home and give him a cuddle so much. I feel so bad that I haven't been back for so long and he thinks I don't love him. I miss him so much. No one smells as good or gives as good cuddles as my Muschka.

I'm too sad for a wardrobe summary. It's essentially a black stretch skirt with a red gucci-esque pattern and a black shirt.

I'm in my Thirties! Woo!

2007-08-24T14:57:00.000+00:00

I've had one of my best birthdays ever! Yesterday was just terrific! When I got into work birthday breakfast was set up and ready! How amazing is that! I was the most spoitl girl in London while it took over an hour to work my way through the present unwrapping whilst eating veggie chocolate cake! Yumm!

Above is the darling notebook I got as part of my present from my buddies at work. They made me feel like a princess for a day. Have you ever used a pink crystal encrusted mouse and a pink pen with feathers that lights up? I do now and I don't think I can ever go back! It's beyond amazing!

Precious and Pouncer even figured out how to send me a bunch of roses! They're such clever little kittens!!!

Birthday wardrobe summary: Black suede peep toe sling backs, black hosiery, grey Givenchy-esque dress. Hair: retro-esque pony tail. Make up: Era spray on foundation, limited edition stila pink, peach and chocolate eye shadows, Chanel black eyeliner, electric pink Stila creme cheek colour, Stila lipstick in Lisa, Stila lipgloss in Raspberry.

Mood: Euphoric, Sheepish after being so spoilt, Pink!

xxx

Fear of 31?

2007-08-22T16:18:00.000+00:00

I'm pooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrlllllllllyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! I thought there was a small, furry animal burrowing around my insides yesterday and went home thinking it was just from possibly eating carbs and protein too close together or some such. A Carmen Electra Fit To Strip workout didn't help me. An aloe and garlic irrigation gave me some temporary relief. I thought I had sorted myself out - hooray!!!!! Flash forward to 2.30 this morning. Three hours of trying to get back to sleep and not being able to due to the horrific aches I was suffering! Luckily little Pouncer was being a snuggle cat and was keeping me company while I lay awake contemplating getting up to do some housework.

This morning I put my brave face on and came into work and dug into my morning porridge. Clearly I took my carb blockers along with it! Rock on 12.00 and lack of blood sugar regularity requires carbs - many and quickly. What a brilliant excuse to eat chippies!!!!!!!! I adore chips with vinegar and ketchup! They were heaven. Except that little furry animal is digging its way though my insides again. Do you think it could be a marsupial?

I'm wondering if I'm subconsciously fearful of my birthday tomorrow. I'm ageing as we speak! The other thing that makes me sad is that the RSW didn't accept my heartfelt apology for the meanness that was my ranting blog entry. Do you think I'll ever be forgiven?

Wardrobe Summary: poorly person outfit: Black pumps, black opaques, black long sleeved dress, pink scarf, grey cape jacket.

Public Apologies, Retractions and a Little Burlesque Dancing...

2007-08-20T16:52:00.001+00:00

SD and I had our birthday party on Friday night. We dragged our friends to a burlesque and pole dancing class. I am pleased to say that we took away a posse of converts that had a brilliant time and are keen to do it again! Yay!!! It was so much fun and I totally discovered my inner pin up girl!!! Photos to follow as soon as I can figure out how on earth to get the images from my phone onto this website!!! It's so much harder than everyone makes it sound!

Meanwhile, as part of the evening's fun, SD related my misbehaviours of the previous weekend. RSW - I'm more than sorry for my rant last week. SD informs me there was more to it than I remember - details of which are not appropriate for my lovely little blog page. However, I'm really sorry and if I could take it back, I would. But I will say that the tantrum was terribly cathartic for more reasons that just the weekend so a thousand thanks to you for giving me a ranting platform.

SD - I had noooooo idea how troublesome I had been. No one needs a 5' 4" 3 year old to look after at a fun party. I promise to be properly behaved forever more.

Wardrobe Summary: Black pumps, sheer hosiery, charcoal high waisted Ungaro skirt, black top with loopy detail. Black strap watch, gold and white gold bangle. Bulgari frameless glasses. Bejewelled butterfly hair pin. Make Up: Stila limited edition eye shadows in pink, apricot and chocolate, Stila creme cheek colour in electric pink, Philosophy Kiss Me.

Fashionista Diaries

2007-08-17T09:54:00.000+00:00

You are all to start following Soapnet's Fashionista Diaries. My sweet sweet TP is in it and is the best character they have to offer! The whole thing would be nothing without her fabulousness!!! I'm like a proud moma.

Meanwhile, SD and I are having a joint b'day party tonight. I don't want to go!!!!! I'm having an uber fat-spotty-hideous-socially unacceptable day. I want to be back under the covers in my lovely comfy bed in denial that the light of day has broken and watching Precious and Pouncer try to tear each other's ears off. They're sooooo adorable. Precious was having massive separation anxiety and wanting constant cuddles when I was getting ready this morning.

Tonight's "celebration" includes a pole dancing and burlesque dance class before we go to a club. My wardrobe solution to this dilemma is a super short light khaki dress that has a pleated skirt on it with dark maroon short shorts underneath and super high brown gucci peep toes.

Wardrobe Summary for the day and post dance class: Black suede peep toes, black opaque tights, seriously short purple French Connection dress with key hole back and flared sleeves from the elbow down. Textured pony tail. Make Up: Limited edition peach, pink and chocolate Stila eyeshadows, Chanel black eyeliner, electric pink Stila creme cheek colour, dark pink Stila lipstick, Stila lipgloss in Fruitpunch.

Somewhat Calmer

2007-08-14T15:40:00.001+00:00

I think it's mostly the lack of sleep I've been getting thanks to Precious and Pouncer (in the picture) keeping me awake with their nocturnal adventuring - but I'm a little calmer today than I was yesterday. RSW emailed me to say I was tres far away from the truth yesterday. I'm not sure how that works when I was mostly ranting about how he makes me feel and how I feel towards him. Who does he think he is telling me how accurate I am about how I feel? He's beyond evil.

Meanwhile, I had therapy this morning. My poor therapist, I started off telling her how I've started my studies and I got my new job. She was thrilled. Then I launched into how my weekend went and how I've not been able to eat, etc since. We talked about how I need to be prepared for set backs in the near future in case things don't go brilliantly with the cottage and the job while it's all in the pipeline. I don't deal with stress like this at all so it's felt like there is a spin cycle going on in my stomach ever since. The only upside of all this emotional turmoil is weight loss. Hooray!

It's terribly good timing. SD and I are having a joint birthday party on Friday. We're going for a private pole dancing lesson with friends. Well, her friends at least. T was the only one of my friends actually able to make the date once pushed to RSVP. Another subject thoroughly discussed this morning. Meanwhile, seeing as I need to get dressed up in short shorts and a little top with heels for the lesson, I'm really not going to start complaining about the lack of appetite. In fact, bring it on!!!!!

Happy Birthday, SD. I think you're gorgeous and terrific and stunning.

Wardrobe Summary: I brushed my hair! In fact, I even washed it! It's now wavy and up in a bejewelled pin in a messy bun. Black pumps, sheer hosiery, grey Audrey/Givenchey-esque dress, silver cuff, black strap watch. Make Up: hot pink Stila creme cheek colour, Philosophy kiss me lips, mascara.

RSW HATRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-13T13:42:00.000+00:00

The RSW really must be put out to the Island of Lost Men never to return. I hate him. He's evil. WHY would he show up to a party I was most obviously going to be at? WHY would he insist on speaking to me? WHY would he ask me to dance with him then drag me outside to have an argument when I said no? WHY would I then feel bad and share my bottle of champagne with him? WHY do I not remember anything after that and have to hear in the morning about how he tried to kiss me on his way home? WHY would he involve me in his emotional messiness when he KNOWS I'm still on the happy pills and in therapy after all the terrible things he has done to me??? WHY did I need the lovely girl behind the bar to give me three bottles of champagne all to myself so I could get through the evening without having a nervous breakdown? WHY does he have the power to emotionally crumple me up like a used tissue that he's blown his nose on? WHY does he only have an interest in me when he's bored or off his trolley? I HATE HIM! I HATE HATE HATE HIM! I wish I could put a photo of his head on this knife holder and take out my HATRED for him on it! Thank GOD I have therapy in the morning. It's all too much for one little girl.

Wardobe summary: Too bored to bother with getting dressed up today. Black stacked pumps, sheer hosiery, grey and pale blue plaid dress with Westwood style neckline. Hair: pony tail with hair unbrushed since Saturday afternoon. Make up - stila hot pink creme cheek colour, mascara, Stila Grape lipgloss.

Mood: manic depressive psychopathic.

Good Times...Bad Times

2007-08-10T14:08:00.000+00:00

Good Times

I have a new job that I really like
I'm a nerd and am enjoying my work related studies
I'm going to a party on the weekend with my darling SD

Bad Times

I have a conference call for an hour that I've been on for two minutes - I'm already bored and not absorbing any of the info. Oh dear
I still haven't exchanged on my flat
It looks like I will have to wait a couple of weeks between moving out of my flat and into the new place
Do I want to get a puppy to keep my kittens company or am I just taking it too far - issues that keep me awake at night.

Wardrobe Summary

Not my best day. Black pumps, sheer hosiery, grey plaid skirt, white short sleeved top, silver bangle, black strap watch, silver and baltic amber necklace. Hair: velcro rollered pony tail. Make Up: limited edition stila pink, peach and chocolate eyeshadows, chanel black eyeliner, stila electric pink creme cheek colour, stila bright pink lipstick, stila fruit punch lip gloss. Clear polished nails.

Please Explain

2007-01-19T15:26:00.000+00:00

Please find following a list of things confusing me at the current moment:

How is the Onion Ring still in my flat?

How is the Onion Ring still drunken?

Why haven't the parental Rings not been in touch with me again?

Why haven't the parental Rings come to get the Onion Ring out of a drunken hole?

How does the Onion Ring survive on a diet of pickles, Indian take out, Dominoes, wine?

Why does the Onion Ring get joy out of seeing the neighbours getting kicked out of their apartment seeing as their landlord hadn't been paying his mortgage? (bad man)

Will I ever figure out the pattern to the Onion Ring's erratic mood swings?

What does the Onion Ring do in her room for all those hours? - Those of you that know about "the monster" please don't even go there!

What will I do for the Onion Ring's upcoming birthday so I don't look like a grinch but I don't go too far out of my way?

Will I shake this feeling of cabin fever with a bar hopping trip to Soho tonight?

Will my uber cheap hair cut and colour tomorrow afternoon be a good or a v v v v v bad idea?

How is it that I always gain two pounds on a Friday, work it off all week being virtuous and put it on again every Friday?

Why is it that I can no longer sleep in my own flat? I require the peace I get from being in the homes of others now, yet I love my bed beyond all others.

Will my flat ever look stylish again or has the OR trashed it forever?

Will I ever get my head around limescale and it's removal from my shower.

Will I be able to get cheap airfares to get home to my beautiful, wonderful yet poorly baby Kingston?

Will I ever rise above the bad mood I woke to this morning?

Will I ever feel truly stylish?

Will I ever stop moaning - well - I'm going to relieve you of it for the moment so I guess that's a little progress.

Wardrobe Summary: black to match my mood. Black faux snakeskin stacked pumps, black opaque tights, black short v-neck dress, pink scarf. Hair: Down and dirrty blonde. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette, red lipstick. Diamond Rings, Black strap watch.

Floss. x

Onion Ring Riots

2007-01-12T12:07:00.000+00:00

Holy Moses, where do I start? Onion Ring kicked off on me on Tuesday night. We had a screaming and shouting match in front of GK till almost 2 in the morning. I was a depleted and shattered little Floss on Wednesday morning. After OR finally went to bed she did Karaoke to the X-Factor song till around 3am. The whole argument was over the fact that GK is staying on the pull out couch for the moment and OR doesn't have access to the tv and Sky after she goes to bed.

She spent Wednesday and Thursday threatening legal action against me if I didn't reinstate the living room during the evenings immediately. I don' respond well when dictated to in my own home and was tres immature. I removed the sky box from the tv cabinet. Oh my. The Onion Ring was horribly dysfunctional.

Wednesday night she went out to see a friend and stumbled in around midnight. She proceeded to again attempt hitting the high notes to the x-factor song over and over. A Moment Like This has been running through my mind on a continual basis ever since - even in my sleep! Yikes!

I popped my head into her room while she was out and was met with such a fright. Broken wine glasses, clothes and dirty laundry everywhere, empty and half drunk wine bottles. It was scary. The sobbing from her room after she got home totally pushed me over the edge and my dislike for the OR morphed into concern for her mental and physical well being. I've laughed and marvelled at her ability to consume large amounts of wine for so long that I've finally admitted it. She's an alcoholic. Her erratic behaviour and abusiveness have now hit record highs. It's a serious matter now and I just couldn't go on living with this person and being somewhat responsible for her. She doesn't appear to have any friends that are stepping up to look after or support her. No one is confronting her about her condition or offering her their support.

I'm the last person compelled to help the Onion Ring. Especially after she called me "evil" and "the devil" and almost took a swing at me the other night. But someone has to do it. This complex and drowning creature can't be left to fend for herself in a sea of wine and mood enhancers. So I was a bit of a sneaky super sleuth and found an email address for her Dad. Then I made pretty much the worst phone call of my life. I Had her Mum and Dad on the phone at the same time and I've asked for their help and told them I believe she has a drinking problem. Can you imagine telling some one's parents their daughter is an alcoholic? My colleagues were there when I made the call and noticed all the purple splotches on my face and neck when I got off the phone. The most obvious symptom I get when I'm highly emotional. V unattractive and no amount of make up will cover it up.

So her Mum is arriving next week and has asked me to look into treatments and arrange some appointments for her. I feel really uncomfortable doing this. Who am I to be organising treatments and deciding what program the OR goes on? I've done it totally out of guilt as I'm on a shame spiral for having had to make the call.

So last night I went home with a little pressie for GK for being with the OR all day and calming her down from her rage for me. I also took a pretty candle for the OR with the sky viewing card stuck to the top of it as a peace offering. I figure she's going to need to be as calm as possible over the next few days as she's about to go through 5 weeks of treatment hell. She drank nearly two bottles and was too spaced out to even speak to the pizza delivery guy when her dinner turned up. She was passed out by 11 and up watching sky, crashing around and spilling more wine on the carpet at 2. I'm not looking forward to the intervention when her Mum arrives next week but it will defly be a relief. RSW has even offered to be there with me when it happens. That was beyond lovely and touched my deeply buried heart. I feel ever so selfish focusing on my own exhaustion and emotional depletion at dealing with someone else's addiction downfall, but it's nice to know that someone will be there to give me a little TLC as well.

As soon as the OR is in her facility recovering, I have decided to take myself off for a mini break. I need to be out of the flat and in a totally quiet and relaxing environment for a few days. I'm going to treat myself to a facial and a massage and not think about anything but being quiet and wearing uber soft and comforting clothes for two or three days. Bliss. Right now my fave option is Babington House. Beyond perfect!

Wardrobe Summary: Black stacked pumps with bow detail, sheer hosiery, black pencil skirt, black and white polka dot Cavalli knit, pearls, tiffany bracelet, Fendi watch, diamond rings. Hair: blow dried and straightened. Make up: depleted. Eyes: falling out of head. Pedi: red or dead. Mani: french.

Floss xxx

Attack of the Drunken Onion Ring

2007-01-08T13:25:00.000+00:00

It's official. My three weeks of peace and bliss are over. During a casual dinner party comprising of Madam Wong, GK and moi the Onion Ring stumbled back in from her holiday. She was beyond trolleyed. Apparently she had spent seven hours in an airport on her own and decided that drinking her way through it would be her best option. Dear Lord. So she crashed my dinner conversation and took over trying to regale us with stories of her holiday. The only bit I could understand was that her room in Milan had a massive LCD tv mounted on the wall. Classic Onion Ring. She would walk away angry with us if we didn't look interested enough. However, Madam Wong was lovely enough to show some interest and tried to interact with whatever it was she was talking about. This was met with contempt, utter rudeness and a proper telling off. Poor Madam Wong. Both GK and MW noticed that I went totally white and looked like I was going to cry as she kept stumbling round the house nattering on and crashing on our little party.

After about twenty minutes she went to the shop for "butter and eggs". She went straight back into her room and all we could hear was the clanging of wine bottles. MW left and GK and I got ready for bed after cleaning up. After I was starting off to sleep GK texted me that she was struggling to get Onion Ring to get off the pull out couch watching tv so she could get some sleep! The poor thing! Then she yelled at GK for having the handset for the phone. I should mention here that she had stumbled through our little party and taken it to her room earlier.

As we speak she is sitting in my living room making it smell like stale pickles playing on her laptop. She's still unemployed, she's still late with her rent and she's still an out of control alcoholic. GK has a job interview tomorrow. I so want her to hurry up and get a job so that I can give the Onion Ring her notice! Clearly all plans to sell the flat are on hold for the moment. There is no way anyone would make an offer on the place as long as she's there. Keep everything crossed for us!

Nocturnal stumblings of the OR mean that both Gemma and I have had very little sleep. The dark circles under my eyes are making me look older than I need to. Drats.

Wardrobe Summary: Black bow detail pumps, black opaque tights, bottle green knee high skirt with over sized button detail and a little sparkle, black loopy top. Hair: blow dried and straightened. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Floss. xxx

PS: The RSW is back in town. I am almost ready to give him back the SoH status. All RSW behaviour is practically forgotten. Bliss.

My Cat Is the Best Shopper

2007-01-05T14:51:00.000+00:00

I love my mushie cat so much. He gave me the most gorgeous pair of shoes for Christmas! I'm wearing them as we speak. They're wooden platformed super high stilettos with a gorgeous red peep toe. I love them beyond words.

Wardrobe summary: insanely stunning footwear a la mushie cat, charcoal high waisted Ungaro skirt, white tuxedo shirt, red scarf, white gold and diamond R pendant, silver bangle, diamond rings, black strap watch. Make Up: Nars emotional rescue palette. hair, pony tail with two skinny black head bands. Pedi: Red or dead. Mani: french extensions. Loving the new extensions.

New Years Day with GK was great! We walked from my house to the London Eye and Westminster! It was 8 miles and we totally legged it. I can't wait to do it again but I strained my foot doing it and now I'm a bit of a cripple. Lucky for me it feels more comfy in heels than flats! Yay! Perfect excuse to wear my stiletto feather "slippers" around the flat! hee hee!

GK has been staying with me for a week and leaves again on Thursday for a few days. It looks like she nearly has a job! Yay! That means I can give evil Onion Ring her notice and have her out of my place! I'm ever so excited about this development. Onion Ring is due back on Sunday night. I can't tell you how glad I am that GK will be there with me to endure the pain of it all. We're cranky at each other as I'm pestering her for being a week late with her rent again. Moo.

I'm loving 2007. It's so so so much better than hideous 2006 was. It's going to be brilliant and amazing and terrific so defly watch this space!

Kisses and love,

Floss xxx

Happy Holidays!!!

2006-12-22T15:06:00.000+00:00

I'm at my desk finishing up my work before the break. I'm officially a workaholic as I'm working Saturday and Sunday at Space NK. However, the glass of champagne on my desk is cheering me up loads!

Have a great holiday and I hope my little elf-a-liscious link below makes you smile!

Floss. xxx

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=6c8657b46daea6659fc9128G06122200

Onion Ring Rolling

2006-12-21T13:05:00.000+00:00

I've started putting the wheels in motion to get the Onion Ring rolling! Hooray! I'm so looking forward to it! Miss GK is going to move in with me as soon as she gets a job! Clearly I have sent her four or five links to sites with loads of jobs for her already today. I'm so so so looking forward to it! We'll have such a great time and the flat will be clean and she'll help me sell it! Could you ask for more? I think not! I'm planning on having the Onion Ring and her evil stench out of the house for the first week or so of February. It's just too brilliant! Can you tell I'm a little bit excited?

Current life status: up to my elbows in Christmas baking.

Most exciting piece of news: Miss SD has bought me a trip to the hairdresser for Christmas and I'm going there in just under an hour to have my hair coloured! Hooray! I had a little run in with a bottle of strong peroxide a couple of weekends ago and have been feeling a little like Bo-Bo. Not for much longer though! Yippee!

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin stacked round toe pumps, sheer black hosiery, black pencil skirt, white horizontally pin tucked shirt, red scarf, much cleavage hiding under red scarf, black strap watch, white gold and gold bangle, massively over sized white and charcoal crystal ring. Mani: dark purple and a little bit longer than yesterday. Pedi: Nars metallic coffee colour. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Hair: about to be overhauled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Floss. xxx

Nothing To Report

2006-12-20T15:50:00.000+00:00

Wardrobe Summary: pink on pink on pink heels, sheer hosiery, grey pleated skirt, white and beige striped shirt, three quarter sleeve pink sweater, red scarf. Hair: Blow dried and straightened. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette. Mani: dark purple and getting a little longer (read: less stump like). Pedi: Nars metallic coffee colour and super square.

I really don't have much to report. I miss MTP LOADS and was v sad she couldn't come over again last night to drink more yummy champagne before she flew out again. However, Miss GK made me a yummy dinner and we went for a freezing cold walk after and watched a funny movie followed by a brilliant episode of SATC. I failed to bake.

This morning I had a call with a psychic from Australia that was supposed to be brilliant. I was so disappointed. He only spoke to me for fifteen minutes and I felt that he got everything about me wrong. I am ignoring him. I miss my old psychic in Sydney so so so so so much. She is beyond brilliant and she truly heals all the wounds from the pasts so you can keep moving on to be a happier and brilliant person in the future. Bad psychic this morning basically told me to make my own decisions and that all the boring paths were the right ones for me to take. Yawn and moving on.

More news from this morning... RSW is cutting his trip short. The poor thing sounds like he just needs a giant sleep in a lovely bed, a hot bath and a big cuddle. Well, next best thing will have to be my pull out couch and a yummy yummy dinner. I'm still trying to figure out what to make for him that will make him happy. Suggestions happily taken but please be sure to keep them carb free.

Floss. xxx

I had a day off work!

2006-12-18T16:53:00.000+00:00

Ooh la la! I actually had a day off work! Oh my! In fact, I've done a few things out of "the ordinary" the last few days. On Friday I went out for a work lunch and ate loads of food - including the top off of a pizza! Yummm. Nothing but cheese! Mmm Mmmmm. Then, after work I had two glasses of champagne! Yummy! I'm afraid I was boring for the rest of the weekend. Saturday I worked and Sunday I slept a lot. I was a v tired little flossie.

Today was great as I saw Miss TP. She looks so terrific. It's also entirely possible that I will get to see her again tomorrow night as the potentially-Mr-TP is flying out to Russia. Moo. MTP and I drank a lovely bottle of champagne at mine this afternoon. I was in desperate need of it after a rather traumatic Dr's visit this morning. Miss GK will be here tomorrow night so the three of us will drink another bottle tomorrow night. Hooray! I don't drink very often anymore so this is so great to re-live old times as Miss TP is my old partner in crime before she had to go back to the states. How could the government callously remove her from the country like that? PS - who was the immigration idiot that decided to detain her for 8 hours of finger printing, etc on Friday? Seriously! The most harm she will do whilst here is make every man fall in love with her and then break their hearts by being unavailable!!! hee hee! Miss TP looks so great but I think she would look even better if she was living back in London. Potential-Mr-TP, please wake up, be a man and realise what you're giving up by having silly English-mid-30's-male issues. You know you'll never really be happy without her. There is no one as fabulous as Miss TP - plus she cooks up a storm and looks like fashion perfection at all times!

Someone please explain to me what a man would be thinking when he gives up the girl of his dreams due to not knowing how to love her enough? Do any of us really know how to love someone else enough? I know I defly don't and just hope for the best. Insight from those in the know would be most appreciated. I should make a big disclaimer here that I have no intention of using said advice seeing as I'm on life long sabbatical from boys anyways... it's just a curiosity thing...

Wardrobe Summary: brown and white long cow fur ugg boots, over sized jeans (purely due to weight loss), brown belt, long sleeved white t-shirt, three quarter sleeve pale pink sweater. Apron and oven mitts: pink with glace cherry topped cup cakes (yes, i've been baking again). Hair: pony tail. Make Up: Cloud eyeshadow, loads of black eyeliner, comet lipstick, nars multiple in Cannes.

Listening to: Iz, somewhere over the rainbow mixed with what a wonderful world. Discovery of cute Hawaiian music is tres fabulous!

Floss. xxx

Black Friday...

2006-12-15T12:43:00.000+00:00

I'm not in work on Monday! Excited? Yes! More exciting??? TP is in town! Hooray! And in the evening Miss GK is also in town and visiting me! It doesn't get much better!!! Hold on, in fact, it does! Onion Ring is now OUT OF TOWN FOR THREE WEEKS!!!! OMG! Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!!!!

Wardrobe Summary: Black knee high suede boots, black opaque tights, black skirt, black Country Road top with worn neckline (my nod to the highly under-valued glamorous element to the grunge movement of the 90's), black strap watch, over sized black crystal ring. Hair: back brushed pony tail with two skinny head bands. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Disappointing news of the day: I missed the deadline for the International Make Up competition in January. I really wanted to enter. It's the only year I'll be eligible and I would have done so so so well! The topic is right down my alley. Fantasy Beauty creating a Venetian masked beauty entirely with make up and adornments. I so could have nailed it. All is crossed as I've been in touch to see if I can put a late entry in. One can only hope. There is £600 for first place but more than that the exposure would be fantastic.

No eating today for me. I'm still stuffed from yesterday and we have a big lunch this afternoon at 2.30. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope. I'm feeling huge. As of December 25 I'm all about the no eating and the much running again. For a lovely while there I was all ribs and hip bones. Now I'm quite fuzzy around the edges again. I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist about it though. I have bigger fish to George Foreman grill (no frying - it's fattening).

Floss. xxx

There is only one profriter roll left in the office

2006-12-14T15:35:00.000+00:00

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know
cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever know
one is the loneliest number even worst then two
yeah
its just no good anymore since you went away
now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you went away
since you went away
(one is the loneliest number since you've gone away)
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you've gone away
Its just no good anymore since you went away
now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
one is the loneliest number
since you went away
since you went away

Pet Dilemma

2006-12-14T15:13:00.000+00:00

I think I need to stop eating sugar again. This afternoon I've eaten around 90 Percy Pigs and 25 Profriter Rolls. Yummm. However I'm suffering from shocking lactose intolerance and I'm losing the feeling in my nose and gums with all the sugar coursing through my veins. Am sure my voice is shrill and high pitched. On the upside I do feel similar to a squirrel after too many pistachio nuts (pistachios = cocaine to squirrels). Mmm, squirrels... they're so so so cute! I love the sparkly one I got at Harvey Knichs for under my Christmas tree!

Meanwhile - after trying to make movies to put on YouTube of the singing puppy stockings my Mum sent to the office for Christmas, I am more than ever desperate for a pet. But there is such a dilemma!!! I want a puppy and a kitten. I can't have just one. Then there is the dilemma that my flat is not designed for keeping a cat. There is the issue that dogs smell - no matter how many Diptyque candles you burn. I'm trying to sell the flat and it just wouldn't work with animal life other than Onion Ring in there. Even then we're pushing it!

So, what if I waited till after I sell the flat? I was thinking I would rent a flat next time rather than having my own place. I'm desperately trying to shirk the responsibilities involved in owning a home. Would someone rent a place to me when I have pets? Does that mean I need to commit to buying somewhere again? Should I rescue a pet or should I get the perfect designer pets that will match my outfits? Should I go for the preferred long hair varieties or should I be practical and go for shorter? Shorter would be good seeing as I'm so fussy about floors, furniture, etc being fluff free. How would I make sure said pets didn't scratch, chew, generally mess up my furniture, etc?

But I want a dog to dress up and walk and a kitten to cuddle! I'm lonely and starved for attention!

Floss. x

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin stacked pumps, black opaque tights, black skirt, black shirt, silver over sized linked necklace, silver square bangle, diamond rings, black strap watch. Hair: blow dried. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Things That Are Making Me Happy Today...

2006-12-13T13:12:00.000+00:00

Wardrobe Summary: light ash brown suede vintage-esque t-bar heels with gold trim, sheer hosiery, galaxy-esque dress over off white turtle neck. V Warm! Diamond rings, tiffany bracelet, fendi watch. Hair: Blow dried down and getting longer by the day! Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

I'm feeling pretty darned pleased today. Hooray! Here is a small list of reasons why...

Turns out my Christmas baking has a following! People that I baked for last year have been thrilled to be getting more baking this year and are putting in special requests! Hooray!

I had such a lovely relaxed soup with SD yesterday! It was wonderful. We never get to sit, chill and relax for half an hour. Truly brilliant. So looking forward to doing her make up tonight and tomorrow night! Yay!

Christmas stockings that are soft, fluffy puppies that wag their ears, shake bells and sing cute tunes when you press a button. Nothing but brilliant.

I managed to get up this morning before the very last moment and go for a run! I never get up in the mornings! I'm going to try do that again tomorrow as it's fabulous!

Last night I pulled off making my dinner, cooking my lunch, baking a cake and holding a conversation all at the same time. Talk about multi tasking. Cake was one of my best as well.

I love love love shoeblogs.com. Some most brilliant entries that I found in archives last night about horrific knitted sweaters, etc. The Manolo is truly a genius!

Dr Sebagh Deep Exfoliating Mask. It sizzles a layer of skin off and makes me feel so much fresher in the mornings!

LSHS (Little Sydney Half Sister) says that her skin has totally improved and she is tres happy! Hooray! I'm so pleased for her - and also brilliantly pleased that my advice is superb!

Feel that my last two articles for the paper I write for were full of amazing advice. One was about getting a gorgeous complexion and the next one is about post holiday season hair conditioning. Obviously the Fekkai Overnight Hair Repair miracle treatment was in there!!!

The dress I'm wearing today used to involve me not breathing so I could stay in it. Today I've just finished a bowl of pasta (carbo-liscious food of the devil but unbelievably budgetary) and I'm wearing a sweater underneath it. Pretty pleased about that!
I have Monday off work! Yippee! Long weekend for moi! Terrific! Also means I see the TP from the USA and the GK from the Wales. Beyond happiness.

Floss. xxx

PS: It's not something out of the ordinary today but I feel it deserves a special mention. JB looks very pretty today. x

I can't think of a headline...

2006-12-12T11:25:00.000+00:00

Wardrobe Summary: Black faux snakeskin pumps, black dress, pink scarf, pink pearls, white gold and gold bangle, black strap watch, diamond rings. Hair: Pony tail. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.

Hooray! I had a Monday night victory! I feel tres empowered. Not only did I manage to watch America's Next Top Model last night, but I got to follow it up with an episode of Sex and the City! OMG! Will wonders never cease? However, it seems that the Ring of Onion is starting to go a little Single White Female. She actually asked me what I thought of a denim purchase she made yesterday and regaled me with stories of all the Ralph Lauren she tried on yesterday at Harrods. This is totally un-Onion-Ring-like. I don't care what she tries on. What is bothering me is that she's taken to having an evening shower five minutes before my regular time. This means that I don't get hot water. Unhappy. She's also taken to blow drying her hair. Again, don't get me wrong, I love that people feel inspired by my grooming obsession to do more of their own grooming. My goal in life is to leave the planet a bit more beautiful than I found it. But when she blow dries it at 11.00 pm, 05.30 and 07.00 it not only worries me regarding the state of her hair's condition, but it disturbs my precious sleep!!!!!!! I'm not getting my hot shower to help me feel snoozy at night but I'm also being woken up in the wee hours by phone conversations and blow drying sessions. I must say she is looking a little better than usual lately. If she would exercise her body and not drink so much, she might actually become vaguely stylish and attractive.

Meanwhile, she's leaving the country for three weeks on Friday! Can you fathom a fraction of how excited I am? The fact that I am spending Christmas and New Years alone doesn't bother me in the slightest due to the fact that I get to have time to myself in my lovely home! I'll be painting over the patches of wall she has attacked, cleaning the carpets, airing her room out, taking hot baths, not be scared of having someone walk into my room unannounced while I'm nude. It's going to be bliss!

Floss. x

The Naked Truth

2006-12-11T09:20:00.000+00:00

Onion Ring has gone too far this time. She's messy, she's smelly, she's always drunk, she's unemployed, she's late and short with her rent and I'm still cleaning up after the cracked-open-head-with-five-stitches incident. However, Friday night took things to a new level. For those of you that don't know, I have an ensuite bathroom. Clearly it's a necessity as I spend the majority of my time at home in there. The door to my ensuite is right next to the door to my bedroom. So, back to my horror story. On Friday night I was running a shower before I went to bed. I realised I had left my body oil on my bed so went into my room to get it. As I walked out of the bathroom the Onion Ring came through my bedroom door without knocking! She got a proper eye full of me wearing nothing but my mascara! I clearly want to die. Then, to make matters worse, she got angry at me for being upset abut the whole thing. Onion Ring is truly evil.

I've managed to avoid Onion Ring for the rest of the weekend. I've been up super duper early going for my run and being a generally kimberly-schlegel-style-goddess. I baked up a storm on Saturday afternoon with a Christmas cake, three mini cakes and a batch of snow flake cookies (see above). My preference is to bake whilst singing along to Elton John tunes so it was quite fun. I also enjoy that my apron, oven mitts, measuring cups, baking tools and cookie decorations were all matching in prettiest shades of pink. When I got home from work last night Onion Ring mentioned that it took all her self control not to eat the cookies I had laying out while the icing set. I was quite miffed at this. Would she like it if I went and used the Christmas presents she had bought for people? I think now. However, I channelled KSW (KSW = Kimberly Schlegel Whitman) and produced a large cookie on a pretty pink cake plate and a cup of tea for her while she watched her fave show, Commander In Chief. I feel beyond virtuous and full of Christmas-style spirit. Those that call me grinco-grinchy-grinch over email - ha to you. I am tres brilliant Christmassy-giving-pleasurable-to-be-with person and you just don't know it.

Floss. xxx

PS: Wardrobe Summary: black hipster trousers, white shirt, black tight cardigan, pink panelled shoes, silver childhood charm bracelet, silver star ring, black strap watch, red scarf (due to usual freezingness). Hair: newly blonder blonde with two skinny head bands. Make Up: Nars Emotional Rescue palette.