From Here to Autonomy

Pregnancy Journal, Week 36: Working with my feet up

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 15:00:34 -0700

A friend of mine called me from New York. We talked for a while about his new job--I may be one of the few people who enjoys discussing with my friends the intricacies of their day to day work. He asked me, so how are you? I had to preface my response with a disclaimer, "Nothing's wrong," I said. "But things are different." My friend probed to determine if I was unhappy."Nope," I said. "I'm just getting used to this change." I felt inarticulate, like when I had nightmares as a kid and my mom came into my room and...

New Core Competencies--How Type A's learn to parent

Jory Des Jardins — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:09:58 -0700

We sat in a room decorated with pictures of pregnant women and babies--H-band sat on the couch, and I had moved to a glider because my back was starting to hurt. We watched our instructor, who has been a doula for two decades, swaddle a stuffed plastic baby to near perfection. "Who'd like to go first?" she said. I much preferred the labor massage part of the course. H-band crouched over the table and began to crease the blanket, starting over once to crispen his fold. "He wraps all the presents in the house," I felt compelled to explain. "He'll...

BlogHer'10 Wrap-Up: The Premature Version

Jory Des Jardins — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:19:45 -0700

Every year I have a moment of decompression after a week spent pent up in a hotel--you see, BlogHer for me starts days before the actual event. There's going to be much more to process over the coming weeks from sponsors and attendees, but today, here's what I noticed as an attendee of BlogHer. If there's any place to be pregnant, it's BlogHer, (if you can make the trip to the event). People appreciate your plight: They direct you toward chairs, hand you things to eat, insist that you put your feet up. It's like having a thousand mothers checking...

BlogHer '10: My first conference as a working mother

Jory Des Jardins — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 09:05:19 -0700

I was chatting with my BlogHer co-panelists last week about our panel: Where's the Line or the Lie: Storytelling, Memoir and Poetic License. I find that I often moderate these more personal-blogging-type sessions at BlogHer, because I started as an identity blogger. I have a natural affinity with those who put it all out there, even if that has not been my reality for five years, since BlogHer began. I realized, hot damn, I have not posted to this blog in over a month. That's not very bloggy of me. And I and my colleagues will be running a conference...

Pregnancy Journal Entry #1: Unintended insults by H-band

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 09:58:00 -0700

Really I shouldn't complain--he's been unbelievably supportive. But there are a few zingers: --Wow, look at that happy trail! --Linea negra what? No I'm pretty sure that's a happy trail. --I'll just assume that was one of the "mood swings" they mentioned in the book.--I thought you started losing hair AFTER pregnancy. --It's OK, Sweetie. We'll work it off together. --No really, let ME make the meals when she starts eating. --I'm not trying to make you feel bad; I'm sure that having gas is perfectly normal. I'm just amazed there's room for so much air in your tummy when...

Mother's guilt begins: Contemplating third trimester travel

Jory Des Jardins — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 17:49:53 -0700

A few weeks ago I went to my monthly appointment with my midwife, a gal I've moved heaven and earth (translation: moved to a more expensive insurance plan) to keep. Every few weeks, as I get more and more uncovered lab invoices and anticipate the biggie to come--the hospital bill--I remind myself that I chose this situation. I chose this insurance plan because it includes in its network the hospital where my midwife works, and I really, really like my midwife. She's been in the midwifery business for years, she came very well recommended, and when we met I said...

Women's work?

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 14:35:19 -0700

Part of my experimentation with my new neighborhood involved trying a new place for a mani-pedi. This didn't come with a small amount of apprehension; a good mani-pedi place is hard to find. I got comfortable in my chair, settling into the warm pool of water at my feet. An Asian man--not older than 35--lifted my right hand. "What shape?" "Short and square," I replied. "This color on your hands and feet?" he asked, holding up the bottle of deep red that I had picked out when I walked in. "Please." I watched this man study my cuticles and start...

Preggers

Jory Des Jardins — Sat, 22 May 2010 13:05:53 -0700

I saw a line, and a lighter line next to it. I read the box again; negative would be just one line. Any second line, light or equally dark, meant yep--with child. Or with embryo, or multiplying cell mass, whatever you want to call it. "What's taking you so long?" H-band said, walking into the bathroom. I'd been taking longer than usual to get ready for our Saturday morning stroll for coffee. I handed him the piece of plastic I had been studying. "We're pregnant." I said, perhaps too casually. I'd said that one time before, and devastatingly it didn't...

Where did all my hobbies go?

Jory Des Jardins — Sat, 08 May 2010 12:36:19 -0700

My business partner, Lisa, passed along a questionnaire from a blogger who will be writing about the working habits of female entrepreneurs. Both Lisa and my other partner, Elisa, had responded; I tried not to read their answers as I approached the questions, but I couldn't help but notice that our answers were eerily similar--with the exception that, as a parent, Lisa spends about 1/3 of her time parenting. Elisa and I try to eak in workouts, books/TV and the occasional cooked meal when we're not working or sleeping. What amazed me about all of our responses: --Our hours worked:...

Real Advice on Public Speaking

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 11:59:35 -0700

I got a kick out of reading Tim Ferriss's post on how he prepares for a public speaking gig. Ironically Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, could take up an entire four-hour work week with just his recommended prep alone. Still, I appreciated his no-nonsense approach to getting things done, and in this post his candid admission, despite much acclaim and speaking opportunities, of not being a natural public speaker. I can totally relate. People who know me probably think that's disingenuous coming from me, an extrovert, a Gemini, a communicator. But it's true. Sure I love to talk, but...