From Me With Love!

OK

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 21:18:00 +0000

So it seems that I got into the habit of writing from Eid to Eid without noticing that. Happy Eid! So much happened since last time I wrote that I don't even know where to start...

Echo...

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 23:47:00 +0000

I wonder if anyone is still visiting my blog...

Off the Market... for good!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 21:58:00 +0000

Happy Eid, everyone and happy Thanksgiving!!
It seems like I only write from Eid to Eid!! :-) Well, this time my excuse is the new job! Like I mentioned in the last post two months ago, I finally got a job after taking an entire year validating and evaluating my diploma. The whole process was unnecessary and took a very long time between Baghdad and the embassy in DC.. and in this time when you think that emails are the best way to communicate and send paperwork, the office of Scholarships which was handling the evaluating process refused to accept emails as a formal way of communication and preferred the traditional way at the beginning. And later on when they agreed to send an email to the embassy, we found out that the embassy actually rarely read their emails and reply them!! So we had to wait a week or two every time for a reply from the embassy saying whether or not they received my diploma from the university. I get frustrated every time I remember it. I wasn't able to apply for any jobs without this evaluation, and I still can't understand the whole thing yet.
So, after the process was almost over last March, I got an offer to teach at a private university in Baghdad, but I wasn't able to start working until September because I applied by the end of the school year and if they hired me at that time there would have been no classes left for me to teach. And so I waited, and finally started working in September.
It's been almost three months since I started teaching, and I think it's the best thing one can ever do! I enjoy teaching so much even though most of the students in this school are pain in the neck! They are so spoiled, and they think that just because they pay money to get in school they should pass and graduate!! I teach for 26 hours a week over four days. It's very hectic sometimes but I never seize to discover new things every day.
Now I have a ten-day holiday: four days for Eid, and six days are my off days before and after Eid... So nice!! Now this is a much needed holiday, because.... now here's the big news...... I got engaged!! And my engagement party was just yesterday. The whole things started about two months ago when I met this old friend for the first time by chance. We know each other through the blog and an Iraqi mailing group since 2004 but never saw each before that day at college. Many days after that he came again and asked the question. According to tradition, I didn't give him an answer right away. So I asked him to give me some time to think and consult my family. Then things took their natural course and yesterday we exchanged our engagement rings in a small get together with our both families and friends. It was very beautiful, I wished if everyone I know was there, and even though it was a small gathering, it felt very intimate and nice. Before yesterday, I always thought myself as the girl who would never get engaged to be married, I don't know why I had this feeling before, but now it has changed. I woke up this morning feeling very happy and comfortable about everything that has happened so far.
Now, A and I have a long way ahead of us. We're still getting to know each other right now, and this is very important before taking the next step.. but everything is very promising and I'm happy about it. And even though there is still a month left in this year, it has brought great things to my life despite its rough start and the hard times I faced during the first few months of it.
So... Morbido is now taken.. for good and is happy about it! :-)

A Short Come-Back Post

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:39:00 +0000

Happy Eid, everyone!

I know, it's been exactly a year since I last wrote here. I wasn't planning on doing this, it just happened. After I got back home I decided that I needed a long vacation from everything I ever did before: from reading, writing, researching, or even looking at books which was hard to do since they were everywhere. However, I didn't decide how long this vacation should be, I just told my family that I better get some time off after the hard work I did in the previous two years, and so I did... and without noticing, a whole year passed!

I don't have to mention that so many things happened in this year, one of them was my sister's wedding preceded by my Dad's sudden illness and back surgery (He's much better now and back to normal life)... and of course, me getting the job I worked so hard to get!

I never meant to stop blogging, I was just taking a break, especially after I noticed the lack of interesting things to write about. I felt that if I only wrote about my school things and classes then it would be too boring or that people would think I was bragging about being in graduate school. And I couldn't write about the things that were happening in Iraq because I wasn't living there and therefore felt that I didn't have the right to write about it.. And so I thought I'd better stop for a while and see what becomes of my blogging block.

But, I'm still here.. checking new posts written by others, even if I wasn't commenting.. but I'm still here, and hope that there is still some people out there checking my blog for I am coming back now!

And It's Over!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 04:57:00 +0000

This is officially my last week in the U.S.

Last year, I was dreading this week and almost didn't want to think of it. Yet now, it all feels so odd! I'm just not sad about leaving at all. It is like there is something in me that doesn't believe I'm actually leaving, or it's more like a feeling that I will be back here someday. It's not that I plan to come back or anything since my primary goal for now is to get a job back home, but I feel that somehow I will be back.
In any case, I'm so happy about going home and can't wait to get there! I'll be leaving the US next Saturday on a flight right to Jordan (fourteen hours or so, yuck!), then spend a night there and take my final flight to Baghdad on Monday the 29th. It will be an exhausting trip but it's worth it for sure!

There is so much to talk about, especially the past two years that went like a blink. So many incidents passed, so many lessons learned, and so many faces met. I hope that once I get home I will have more time to blog as regularly as possible and talk about all of the things I've seen here.

Wish me good luck!

Writing from the 18th Century Where there were no Blogs!!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 22:34:00 +0000

What a shame! I haven't written a single word in my blog for five months. Sorry about that, but it turned out that this thesis work is way harder than I expected. I'm actually enjoying it very much, but it takes a very long time to read and write everything about the subject. I've been reading so much about 18th century now I think I live in that time more than I live in the 12st century!! The good thing is that I finished writing my three chapters and should be submitting the entire work in less than a month. I finally see an end for the hard work of the past two years!

Well, my visa was over by May; I was supposed to graduate then and be returning back home by early June. But I needed more time to finish my work so I requested the Fulbright to extend my visa for a longer time. And what do you know, they actually agreed to extend it till the end of August. So now I'm staying in the States till late September or until I get my diploma from the university. After that, I'm going home! I know it sounds crazy to go back right now, but I made my decision to go back a long time ago, because, I can't afford staying here on my own, I don't want to apply for asylum or anything like that because it takes a very long time and I don't know if it worths it, and I don't think I can live by myself any longer. It's not scary, but it's just so hard not having anyone to talk to and missing all events and things that happen in my family. And even though I have many friends here, it's nothing like being with your own family. So I said that's it, I'm going back, and if it's meant for me to come back here in the future then it will happen. And if not, then I'm not sad at all about leaving here.

Now I should go back to my 18th century world; I will try to tell the people there that we have blogs in the new century... maybe they will let me post more often!! :D But I should be able to post regularly by next month. I hope you will still be remembering me!

Morbido, M.A. (almost!)

Not Ready Yet

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 04:41:00 +0000

I just realized that the spring semester started today, and I'm not ready for that yet. I still can't look at books or even get near them even though they are practically all around the apartment. This is the first time that I don't feel like studying again after taking a break, and the other thing that feels weird is that I don't really have classes this semester. All my work now is meeting with my director and writing my thesis, no classes and homeworks, and no classmates to talk with. I was wondering that maybe this is why I don't feel ready for the semester since I don't really have a "semester". Another thing, I'm graduating in May, which I don't want to even think about right now because I've always liked being a student and I'll have to be something else when I graduate.

So, I've been absent from the blog world for a very long time now and I don't have a real excuse this time except for saying that I have been rebooting from the past semester's work all this time! I did nothing but sleeping, watching tv, and sleeping some more!

I just realized that I used the word "time" many "times"!!! :D
Isn't there another word?!

I haven't started the actual work on the thesis yet, but I have been preparing for the topic and materials since summer. At the beginning I decided to write about Oscar Wild and the New Woman movement in the late 19th century, and I started reading about the topic and collecting materials, but I was short on that and I reached a dead end. So I had to change it. Fall semester started and the first novel I read was Jane Austen's Emma, and then it hit me: there is nothing better than writing about Jane Austen, especially when the interest in her novels is ever increasing all the time. So I talked to the professor of this course who is also my thesis director and she said that I can find many things to write about concerning Austen and her novels. So a new search was in session, and I started getting all those books on Austen's life and her novels and many other related topics. I know she is not a feminist and she wouldn't even consider herself so, but her novels certainly have many similar aspects. And that's what I'm going to write about. Luckily, PBS channel started a Jane Austen movies' marathon yesterday in which they will play all of the movies depicted from the six novels that she wrote. I watched Persuasion yesterday and I liked it a lot. My friend said that it's not the same as the novel at all, but I still liked it. Right now, I'm reading The Jane Austen Book Club.

Oh, did I mentioned that I went to New York last week? I went by myself but I met my friend there. I had a great time and visited so many places in two days. The trip was actually three days but the third day was for traveling back, it's about an hour and a half on plane, but it took me about three hours on the bus to get to the airport because it's located in another city.
This will need another post, with pictures of course!

Countdown has begun!

Quick Thoughts Before Class!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:39:00 +0000

Greetings!
I just finished my first class for the day, and while waiting for the second class to begin, I thought of writing a post.
Last time I wrote that I was having troubles sleeping and that I wasn’t feeling sleepy at all times. Well, after some talks with other students in our graduate lounge, I found out that everyone else at graduate school is having the same problem, if not worse! A student told me that she actually can’t sleep at all because she doesn’t have time between doing all the assignments for classes and going to her job. So she only has a time for a short nap around 6 o’clock in the morning, and then she has to get up and go to work!
But believe it or not, after I knew that I wasn’t the only one in this situation I could sleep well now! I started by forcing myself to waking up early in the morning even when I have nothing to wake up for. By the end of the day I could manage to sleep. It’s been like this for a while now and it’s still working :) but I hope that this non-sleeping problem won’t come back with the end of the semester and the fast-approaching deadlines. I was having all those plans for Thanksgiving break but I had to cancel everything and just stay at home and work on my paper cuz of the deadlines. However, I managed to go on two nice trips to reboot and get ready for the heaving work, and above all, the thesis.
Well, I don’t know what to else to say for now, and there is not much time left for class. So I will go, hoping that I will find time to write a real and decent post with something interesting to say. I’m not checking the post, so I apologize for any typos or weird sentences that may occur.

P.S. Dad, I was so happy to read your comments on my post, and I hope that you will read this one too. Believe me; I even tried to count my books, not just sheep! But it’s ok for now :)

Sleepless in ...

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 06:00:00 +0000

I can't sleep, and it's been like this for a long while now! I just don't feel sleepy at all.
Don't know what to do, so I got out of bed to study at 2:00 a.m.
Maybe I should call for Mr. Sandman!

Just a Thought...

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 02:52:00 +0000

How comes whenever we search for pictures about Iraq or anything related to it all what we see are the pictures of death and blood? Where did the beautiful and happy pictures go? Or are they any?!
I was preparing a powerpoint presentation for a speech that I gave to a freshmen class at the university, and I wanted to tell the students about what they usually don’t see in media or anywhere else: the good side of Iraq. But all my tries went in vain when I tried to look for some photos of young happy people. Instead, all the photos that came up in the search were of dead shattered bodies, blood, torn clothes of people who withered after being thrown out on the side of the street, and destroyed neighborhood that once used to be happy.

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 03:34:00 +0000

Ramadan Kareem everyone! :)

Happy Anniversary!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 03:43:00 +0000

Here's another post that I write without thinking. I think this idea works for me now!

Last year on this day, I arrived to the U.S. and I still remember every moment of this year in details as if I'm still living it now. I arrived on September 2nd, at 7:20 PM to Washington DC and I remember that I started to cry the moment I saw the trees and buildings from the plane's window not believing that I was finally here. I was supposed to catch a second flight on the same night but it was rescheduled, so I stayed in a hotel at the airport, and the moment I got there I looked for internet to send emails to my family and friends informing them of my safe arrival. The second morning I went to the airport and got the flight to Pittsburgh, and then I was supposed to get a bus to another town but it was Labor Day and the only transportation I could find was an expensive Taxi, so I took it and got to the town where the campus is but I still couldn't get there because of the holiday which was also a good thing for me since I needed to sleep so badly and I couldn't concentrate on anything anymore. It was the 3rd of September by then.

I got a room in a little motel that the university recommended for me before I arrived, and I remember that I slept till the next morning! I woke up for a while in the evening and I was hungry but I didn't go out to get some food because I was raining and I didn't know if there were restaurants near there because all I could see was a big Staples Store sign and huge parking lot. Well, later I knew that there was Walmart and a whole bunch of stores in that place :D

So, I got to campus the next morning and finished the paperwork and took the keys for my dorm apartment, and wrote that post from my roommate's laptop that was written in some funny forms other that English! The first two weeks were the hardest, but I remember that everything was getting easier for me (except classes!) and I was learning to do things easier and faster by then. The only thing I regret neglecting is the social life! I was scared of socializing with people that much and couldn't make friends quick which made it even harder for me during the first semester. I had big plans of traveling to some places during the winter break, but because of my lack of friends I had to stay in my apartment during the whole break all by myself, and it was very cold and snowy by then that it was so hard to go anywhere. And then came the New Year's Eve which I spent all by myself feeling lonely and not knowing what to do. And it was on that day that I swore not to stay alone on next New Year's Eve.

The first semester was over and the second one began with plans to move to a single room, make some friends, and participate in the university's activities. I achieved some of that during the second semester, went to Miami and Washington DC, and passed my classes well. But the friends I made went back to their countries after the semester was over as they were all exchange students for one semester. So I was back to point zero once again! I don't know what happened, but it was always easy for me to make friends when I was still in Baghdad, and whenever I think of it I can't find any explanation. I sit in class and see that students are talking with each other all the time about their lives and families and makes me think that they must know each other very well, but how do I do that. I do talk with my classmates but I still feel that it's just a formal conversation between people who are taking the same class. Is it because I am relatively younger than the other students that they think I'm just too young to talk to, or is it that I'm from Iraq and they don't know how I think of them and of their country that they are cautious of making friends with me, or is it just that I have to work harder to improve my social skills which seem to be deteriorating in order to make some friends? And above all that, the town I'm in is really boring and there is nothing to do at all! I thought of getting a job this semester just for the sake of socializing, but then I thought of all the reading and writing that I have to do for my courses. I mean the load of coursework is just so much that sometimes I can't even find enough time to finish it, and I'm starting with my thesis now which means that it will be even harder this semester.

I can't believe how many things can happen in one year, how many faces and names can one meet, how many new places to see and experiences to have. It's just amazing! Last year I wasn't sure if I was able to get to this stage, and now I look back at it and realize that I've learned a lot from this experience, from living by myself in a foreign country, and by depending completely on myself with everything I do. The simplest decision that I make takes a whole research and thinking from me because I am the only one who decides for me and it's my responsibility to keep my mind alert at all times, which, by the way, is not an easy task at all! Sometimes I get tired of this and wish if I have the chance to be lazy for one day and depend on someone to do everything for me, but I know I can't do that as long as I'm alone and away from home. Sorry, my brain, but I think that I need to keep you fully awake for another day! I came here with nothing but hopes, fears, expectations and a dream to make come true... oh, and two huge suitcases! :P And so far, nothing failed me at all.

Let's see where I will be writing the post next year on this time! What's after graduation is still a mystery for me.

Morbido!

Hello from mobile blogging!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 02:23:00 +0000

Hello from mobile blogging! I thought of starting to moblog as a new way to keep in touch with the world out there, and i see it works.
Morbido!

I Don't Even Know What to Call this Post!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 19:53:00 +0000

I have been blogging for more than two years now and I only have 124 posts! I don't know why, but I got to thinking that a post has to be so good or else I would not write anything and let all events be so old and boring to write about! I did not lose my interest in writing or posting at all, I still write some stuff every now and then in my diary... well it's not really a diary, it's just a huge notebook that I use for writing anything anytime, even if it's a silly song. I'm writing this post and I'm not reading or even thinking of what I'm typing in order not to delete it. A bad post is better than nothing :D
Ok, let's talk about some things here... Why breaks have to be so boring?! I can't wait to get done with a semester or a course in order to enjoy the break, but once it's here I can't wait for it to be over! The problem is that I still don't have many friends, I do know so many people around here but when there is something to do nobody asks me to join, well that's IF there is something to do in this town. And now that it's summer time nobody is here and there are no activities whatsoever. I wake up everymorning and then go back to sleep waiting for my friend to call and wake me up again, then we go to the mall or somewhere else for a couple of hours. After that I go back to my apartment and watch TV or read a book, get online, go grocery shopping, walk for two hours at the campus's stadium, go back home and watch more TV and then sleep! There is a funny vedio clip that I once watched about this town that says all you can do here is watch some art and sleep, then watch art some more and SLEEP!! I'm looking up some trips but there is nothing for July so far.
Enough about this. Let's talk academics now! This is the first year in my life in which I take classes in summer, and I survived it. I decided to take only one course for June after I dropped the class for July deciding that I'm going to write a thesis and will not need a second summer course anymore. The course I took in June was a British literature class after 1660, and it was about Oscar Wilde, the New Woman at the fin de siecle. It was very interseting and I learned so much in just five weeks, wrote a paper on Bram Stoker's Dracula, and decided on my thesis topic which will be on Oscar Wilde.
In a way for me to have some fun, I participated in a program for issues on international education and I made a presenation about education in Iraq and I got to talk for two hours to the audience which was so COOL :D I was scared at the beginning of the thought that the materials I prepared might not be enough for the whole two hours, but everyone was so interested in asking many different questions about Iraq that I didn't have to use everything I prepared. The people who came to the presentation were all teachers from around the State and one of them invited me to her school which I thought was very nice, and the committe that prepared for the program said I was so good that they wrote me a letter for my department and the Fulbright :)
I finally went to the Niagara Falls last month, it was a quick trip but I had so much fun. The trip was arranged by the office of internation students at the university so we go to use the university's van to get there since there weren't many people, and all of us were graduate students in English Department. Oh, and I also went to an amusement park which was so much fun!
I moved off campus about a month and a half ago and I don't have roommates anymore. It feels different living off campus even though the apartment is just across the street from it, but I like it.
I'm still typing this without reading it, so I apologize for any mistakes that may occur.

Bored Morbido!

One Year Down, One More Year to Go!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Fri, 25 May 2007 20:44:00 +0000

So, the second semester is over! And with this my first year in the U.S. is over too. My second semester was a bit harder than the first one; I took three courses as usual, and two of them were in modern literary studies while the third one was all about British literature and John Milton. In last January and a few days before the beginning of the semester, I went on a trip with a group of international students to Pittsbugh, PA and visited the museum of Andy Warhol whom I never heard of before! The moment I entered the museum everything seemed funny to me as I haven't really been to a Pop Art museum before. But after the visit I thought of writing a post about the museum and what I saw there, and as usual I got busy with many others things and eventually forgot about the post! On the week after the trip while I was sitting in class getting my syllabus I saw an assigned trip to the same museum as one of the case studies we were going to take during the course on critical avant-garde studies. So I thought that's it, I'm going to make my final project for the course on Andy Warhol! And it was such a big struggle collecting all the books and materials and annotate them for the bibliography :S But even with the hard time I had working on the paper, I enjoyed so much reading all about his life and artwork, and while I was in New York last week, someone told me and my two friends about where Warhol used to live and we went there to see the place.

Let's start from the beginning and list all the events and things that happened in this semester. In February, I went to Miami for four days on a Fulbright seminar for first year Fulbrighters. Of course everything was paid for :D which added more fun to the trip! I met more than one hunderd Fulbrighters from all around the world, people that I never thought of meeting one day. It was cool, and I enjoyed my time alot even though we had to stay inside the hotel for most of the time due to the heavy seminar schedule! But there was enough time to walk on the beach since the hotel itself was in South Beach facing the wonderful view of the ocean and the open sky. It was one of my little dreams that came true :) The hotel is called Miami Beach Resort and Spa, it wasn't the biggest hotel for sure but we envaded the whole place wearing our blue Fulbright T-Shirts with tages that have our names, U.S. university and country. One of the rooms that we had most of the seminar sessions at was called the Stars Room, or something like that ( I don't quite remember) and it was located on the 82nd floor. Later we were told that Frank Sinatra used to sing and have his concerts in this room!

I also went to a host-family dinner with other three Fulbrighters from Germany, Chile, and Indonesia. We were put into groups and each host chose one group to invite for dinner on our second day in Miami. My host was a man who is originally from Cuba and who invited four friends of his who were also from Cuba and Mexico who have been living in Miami for a very long time. The dinner was very good and we sat in the backyard which was facing the water and we saw small ships and boats passing by during the evening. And on our last night, everyone was invited to restaurant to celebrate the success and end of the seminar. We were told that the place was one of the famous restaurants in Miami, but at the time we got there we found out that it was actually something like a night club with a belly dancer and very loud Greek music!! Not everyone liked it, and many of the Fulbrighters preferred to stay outside talking with each other, although many more of them stayed in and enjoyed their time. Me and other two Iraqi Fulbrighters joined a fourth Iraqi Fulbrighter who studies in Miami and went to a mall and then to a small Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner. On the fourth day, the weather was getting very bad and started to rain, but it was also our time to get back to our campuses and studies after spending a wonderful time on Miami Beach. One of the things that I was surprised to know during the seminar was that Miami is one of the poorest cities in the United States and highly segregated in terms of wealth! I never thought it was actually a poor city at all, everything looked fabulous there with the beaches, palm trees, and high buildings and the lights. But then I understood that the majority of the people living there are immigrants who live in poverty and work hard to support their families in their new place.

And we also visited high schools during our stay as part of the activities during the seminar. We had to divide into groups and each group would visit the assigned high school. We entered some classrooms and started to talk with the students starting by introducing ourselves to talking about our countries, our studies and the scholarship, and we were also asked to encourage the students to consider applying for the Fulbright scholarship and talk about its benefits and all. Of course, being an Iraqi person in America, I got most of the questions from both the students and the teacher. But it was so much fun for me as it was the first time I get to a high school in America, and I wouldn't mind doing it again if I have the chance to.

In March, not much happened except the continuous study and moving to a single room in another residence hall on campus. I wanted a single room from the beginning but I couldn't get one when I first arrived because they were all taken and I was late. Work continued on Andy Warhol paper, with disinterest and difficulty some times! I started working on my other two papers by that time, one on Milton and Paradise Lost, and one on Frankenstein.

In April, I went on a university bus trip to Washington D.C. with my two Polish friends. I forgot to mention that at the beginning of the semester I got to meet many new friends, mostly international students who came here as exchange students for one semester. They all went back home now :( So, this D.C. trip was more fun and much better than my first trip! It was for one day but we got to see almost everything we wanted to. The first stop was the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. The moment we got there I swore I could smell blood in the air!! I could never imagine that I would see real things from the Holocaust, and in that museum there were real and original objects that were used in some of the consentration camps in Poland and other places. I don't know, but it was very scary to walk among those things knowing that people died on them in a grotesque way! There were writings on the wall from the book Night that I read last year about one of the survivors in Aschwitz concenttration camp. No photographying was allowed inside the museum, so I couldn't take any pictures there. Our second stop was the White House. I was actually a bit disappointed when we got there because I thought we'd be able to see it on a closer range behind the black fence! But even with that far away look, it was pretty cool :D And then we walked to Veitnam Veterans Memorial, Veitnam's Women Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, the Korean War Memorial, the Cherry Blossoms festival, Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, back to Washington Monument, and then to the Capitol building. The weather was extremely cloudy on that day but luckily it didn't rain until we got on the bus to get back home! By this time I bought a camcorder replacing the one I didn't bring with me from home to record everything and everywhere I go.

In May, two events happened on the first week of the month. The first one was a BBQ for international students celebrating the end of school year and the graduation of some of the students. The event took place in an off campus lodge located down a hill among huge trees. It was COOL! There weren't as many studnets as I expected it to be because it was the last week of the semester and many of us had exams and papers to work on, but I didn't want to miss the chance of relaxing and seeing a new place in the small town where I study. We played frisbee and broke some nails :P, and of course took many pictures. The second event was an American wedding of two of my friends here! Never did I think that I would have the chance of attending a wedding in the U.S.! It felt like I was in a movie, everything looked so neat and beautiful. Both the bride and the groom are in English department with me, but we've never been in the same class together. The girl is American and the guy is Syrian and they had both Arabic style wedding and American one, but I only attended the American one. I couldn't stay for the whole time cuz I had to get back and finish my papers, it was still the last week of the semester and time was running so fast, however, I enjoyed it alot.

A week after the semester was over, I went on a trip for four days to NYC with my two Polish friends. It was the first time for me there, and won't be the last for sure! I saw almost everything I wanted to see and walked everywhere from 9 in the morning till 10 at night! Well, this trip needs another post and will have so many pictures, and this post has been delayed for so long already and I want to publish it now after fighting with uploading the pictures! As for summer plans, I'm taking two summer classes, one at a time, and the first one will start on this coming monday and ends in the beginning of July, while the second class will start four days after the end of the first class, and end sometime in early August. I'm not going back home for the break because I can't. The Fulbright gave the Iraqi students a one-entry visa and it would take us up to six months if we have to apply for a new one! So I'm just staying here untill I graduate. More trips and events are coming ahead, along with much more studying and homework!!

Morbido!

OH NO!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:01:00 +0000

Fourteen hours left for the deadline!!

No sleep tonight.... Blame it on Andy Warhol!!

A Quick Life Sign

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:14:00 +0000

Hello everyone,

I hope there are still people reading my blog! I apologize for not posting anything or showing up online for about two months now! This is the last month of the semester and it's getting so crazy with all the paper and deadlines. I have to turn in two papers for next week, all with the piles of homework that each professor gives! They give so much homework as if their course is the only one we're taking. Anyway, I'm still alive. Hope this semester will end just as good as the last one. And I apologize for not replying any emails or offlines. I will try to post so soon, I know I've been saying this alot, but I can't help it. Time just flies away so fast sometimes!

Morbido!

I guess that's how I look right now!

Morbido's First Funny Snowman!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 04:35:00 +0000

I know, he looks funny, and got no eyes or a nose either! But hey I have no previous experience in making snowmen before!! And he is tiny, but this is what the snow permitted for now :P

It was so much fun making it. Let's call him "Oscar"!! :)

A Snow Day on Campus

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 06:05:00 +0000

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A Look Back in Time

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 07:29:00 +0000

It's funny to think how many things have happened in one year. Things we wished for and things we wished they never existed. A whole year with all its events is gone, and will never come back again. In all its good and bad memories, I've learned so much and grown more. And with the so many things and major changes that happened in my life during 2006, I find it hard to remember everything that happened in details. Some of them just seem so old and distant memories that as it they took place a very long time ago, not just a year! But I'm trying my best to write down everything here :)

The first nine months of 2006 were miserable to me. I had to stay at home all the time and do nothing but waiting to get here. The waiting process was so long, hard and it got painful when I learned that at some point it became fruitless when I got dropped off the scholarship program. Two weeks later I was back, and a month and a half after that I came here. Again, for the first time in 2006 I traveled ALONE from Baghdad to Jordan to London and then to the U.S... I haven't even taken a taxi by myself before when I was home, and suddenly I had to cross the world to the other side all by myself. It was really scary, but luckily, everything went just as perfect. And in 2006 and for the first time as well I live alone. Well, I do have a roommate but she is not home most of the time, so I consider myself living alone. And it's NOT fun at all.

In those months, I used to spend my time on the internet blogging and doing many other things. I remember that I used to stay up till 3 or 4 AM, that when the electricity permitted, of course! In early 2006 I was speaking on a radio show for the first time. WNR called me on the phone twice and interviewed me about students' lives, universities and how things were at college before and after the war. And on March, I was interviewed again, but this time on NPR, for the third anniversary of the war. And the show was live on the radio. It was a great experience.

I wrote several articles for newspapers and magazines on 2003 like the diary project with NEON Magazine, Mother Jones Magazine. I wrote an article for a students editorial magazine based in London in June. I also wrote an article for a Brazilian magazine about youth in Iraq in February.

In 2006, I went to the movie theatre for the first time in my life. First time was in Jordan in July with Attawie, Anarki and The Kid. The movie was Pirates of the Caribbean II and it was so much fun. Attawie and I kept laughing at the movie for days after that. Second time was also in Jordan with my mother and sister, and we watched Superman Returns. Third time was here in the U.S., last week with my friend and her husband, and we watched Night at the Museum.

Also, for the first time in 2006, I used my passport and traveled outside Iraq. I spent a month in Jordan, met Attawie after about three years, met the bloggers for the first time and had so much fun. I played foosball for the first time in Jordan as well. Baghdad Treasure and I made a team and we were the ultimate losers in scoring against our team!!! I laugh so hard every time I see the photos of that day and remember. I said I would never play it again if it's going to be the same result every time! :P

In 2006 I became a student again and started the first step in my graduate studies. And that's one of the best things that happened to me in the last year.

And finally, the biggest event of the year is my arriving to the U.S.!! Almost five months have passed and I still feel like it's my first week here! Still no friends and lonely, but I hope it won't be this way for long!

Here are some of my new year's resolutions:

Well, the first thing to do for this year is to study hard and keep on my grades or even better them.
Participate in the universities activities. (I almost did nothing in the previous semester!). I actually started doing that during the last week; I signed up for the Host Family program for the international students. I guess that will be very interesting.
Make friends. Sometimes it's so boring and lonely here!
I've always thought of making a scrapbook, I think I will make one this year. Still didn't decide what the theme is for it though.
Go on more trips and explore the surrounding area.
Write more posts :)
Keep on praying.
And of course, lose some weight! :P This resolution is on almost everybody's list yet I don’t think anyone really works hard on it! LOL

Morbido!

An Overview of My First Semester in the U.S.

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Mon, 25 Dec 2006 05:34:00 +0000

Hello world! Long time no post. I've been bad, I know! But I was really busy, and somehow lazy. My first semester is over at last and now I'm having a winter break for a whole month in which I have nothing to do but watching T.V. and taking rides on the bus around town! There's not that much to do around here, actually. It's a small town and everything in it is based on the university, and now the campus is totally empty, almost all the students have left home for the break except me and other few students who are stuck here or prefer to stay on campus.

Since I arrived here two weeks after the beginning of classes, I didn’t get the chance to see anything or go anywhere. There were many trips for international students to New York, Washington D.C. and other big cities, but I couldn't go on any of them cuz I had to catch up with the studying and everything. Then one day my roommate and I decided to go on a trip to Washington D.C. after we finish the semester. A friend of mine was supposed to come to the trip with her husband, but later she canceled it and I ended up going with my roommate and three of her Taiwanese friends. The trip was for only two days cuz they had to come back to campus, pack and fly back home for the break. So, we called it a short and quick trip.

We hit the road on Saturday morning and started our trip to D.C., and about three to four hours later my friend called me to check that everything was going well and that we were on the right road, and when I was reading the signs on the side of the street she realized that that was not the right road to D.C.! And when I told my roommate that, she said that we were just following the direction that we got from the internet. Only when I saw the directions, I knew that we were actually heading to a mall in Fairfax, Virginia!! She FORGOT to tell me that we were going to Virginia first!

Well, later, they didn't like to stick to all the plans that we had and preferred to spread out, everyone on his own for the day doing whatever they want to do. So, I ended up alone in D.C. for about the whole day, and I spent the whole time walking from the Capitol building, and all the way till Lincoln Memorial seeing everything and visiting The National Gallery of Art and The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History (that what time permitted for museums, it was just one day and we had to go back home before sunset).

Though I was alone, my day there was amazing. The weather was so warm, people were everywhere in the National Mall jogging and walking their pets. I really felt that I was in the U.S.! Yes, it's really true!

And here are some photos that I took :)

Though I felt that I kind of messed up in my first semester, the results came out a couple of days ago, and guess what? I got an "A" on my three courses! J This first semester was hectic for me, and I had to read three novels a week and some essays and writing response papers and all. Then came the time when I had to prepare for my three final papers, and oh God, I was freaked out the whole time! Well, the system here is way different from Iraq, everything in class is different, the teaching methods, the way of writing paper and researching. Therefore, I had to learn how to switch to all those new ways in a very short time and try to catch up with everything. But thanks to God, everything went fine and the result came just as perfect! There was this one professor who wanted our final paper to be eligible to be published and wanted rough drafts for the paper along with long presentations that were taking most of the class's time. Some of the students in this class were complaining about this (I thought I was the only one!) and one of them said that he would write her a letter and say to her that she was wasting our time by those long presentations and rough drafts.. bla bla bla.

My three courses were Women Literature, Topics on American Literature Before 1870, and Topics on American Literature Since 1870. The last one was the hardest. We read the novels that were called "Proletarian" novels and the themes of naturalism, realism, postbellum issues and more. My favorite novel in this course was "The House behind the Cedars" by Charles W. Chesnutt.

Women Literature was my favorite course. It was so much fun and somehow easy. We read postcolonial novels and essays in this course written by women or about women. My favorite novels were "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston, and "The Woman Warrior" by Maxine Hong Kingston.

As for my favorite novels in the "before 1870" class, they were "Uncle Tom's Cabin" by Harriet Beecher Stowe, "Billy Bud" and other stories by Herman Melville, and of course "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman. "Walden" was hard and I didn't like it!

It's getting really boring here now! My room is the first in the hall and located next to the main door that leads to the staircase and the outside, and today, I never heard that door opened AT ALL. I think I'm the only person staying in the whole building for Christmas! We, I've got nowhere else to go! It's not how I planed to spend my break here, but there is no other choice for me. Even the buses are not running for two days, so it means I will be stuck up here till everything comes back to life after the break. At least I have T.V. and cable in the room. My favorite channel is tbs.

Alright, I've been keeping this post for too long now, it's time to publish!

Merry Christmas everyone :)

Morbido!

The First Snow!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 05:11:00 +0000

I've been checking the forecast during the past week to see when is it going to snow.. and so it did today!! I waited till it was night to go out and walk down the streets with other three friends and took photos for my first and tiny snow experience!

This is the finest view that I could get though...

Morbido!

Starting New..

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 06:03:00 +0000

Well, hi! It's been way so long a time since I last wrote something "real" here! Sorry, folks, but I never imagined that I would this busy.

It's been so crazy and hectic since the very first day I left home, probably before that too. Saying good-bye to my family was the hardest part, way harder than I ever imagined it could be. Well, let me just start from the beginning cuz you probably wonder how I got back to the scholarship program after being announced as "unsuccessful".

I, myself, don't know how that happened actually. The more I think about it, the more I see how weird it is. Back is July when I got that email from the Fulbright telling me that I no longer could go to the U.S. for my studies as a result of having been rejected in several universities for reasons that were, and still, unknown, I decided to go to Jordan with my mother and sister to clear my mind and think of what to do next.

On that morning when I was at the airport back in Baghdad waiting for the flight to Jordan, I got a phone call from someone who works in the embassy and told me that he got news from the Fulbright regarding my university placement. I couldn't absorb what he was talking about cuz I was assured several times that that was it! But the man kept telling me that he got a new answer from them saying that they got me a placement in a new university, and that they would send me an email with full details about it all. Then I knew that I had only one month, if not less, to finalize all my papers, get the visa and head to the U.S., and that's why I had to cut short my trip to Jordan and go back home to do the rest of the paper work and get done with packing.

I was interviewed for the visa and got it on the same day, but I was already a few days late for the beginning of the semester in the university, and then we had a long curfew and some situation-related issues in Baghdad that prevented me from going to pick up my passport and visa, and so I ended up being two weeks late! Anyways, I got my itinerary and started my journey on Saturday, September 2nd. I spent more than 18 hours in the sky, transferred in four airplanes starting from Baghdad – Jordan – London – Washington D.C. – then another city before my final destination. My first port of entry in the U.S. was Washington D.C... I arrived there at night on September 3rd, and had to catch another flight on the same night to another city, but that flight was rescheduled till the next morning, so I was checked into a hotel room near the airport. I was too tired, though so happy for arriving to the States at last without having one single problem or an obstacle. It even took me less that five minutes to have my papers checked and my passport and visa stamped, and that was cool as I heard about the so many stories of having put to some sort of investigations and questioning at the airports. Luckily, none of that happened to me.

The moment I heard the crew-man in the airplane saying that we were landing in D.C. and I started to see the land, trees and buildings, I couldn't help not crying and wanting just to jump from the plane and walking out! I was beyond happy and so overwhelmed and kept reminding myself that that was a truth now and not just a dream anymore. I worked hard during the previous two years in order to make this dream come true, and now it's a truth and I'm living it, though still sometimes when I sit with myself and think back I feel that I'm in a dream and can't believe that I'm here and a student, again!

The first two weeks were the hardest, and since I missed the orientation and the first week of classes, I had to learn everything on my own. The first problem I had was with the electrical cords as I had to change them all, and it took me a week to get the internet connection in my laptop. I was getting crazy just wanting to talk with my family, I felt so alone and abandoned especially in the first week, I missed my family immensly and I was crying every time I talked with them, and even cried over silly things like one time when I thought I lost a phone card to call my family!!! I kept crying and searching for the card for a long time, and then I cried even more when I found it in one of the drawers!!! I laugh so much when I remember this now :P luckily, my roommate wasn't in the room to see me in that crazy state!

It's been a month and a half since I came here, and I don’t know how time is passing so quickly! Sometimes I just don’t remember if I did a certain thing today or yesterday for how fast the time is passing… and this is also making a conflict for me with studying as there is hardly a time to do anything else beside reading three huge novels, several articles and writing responses every week!! I haven't been out of campus except for Wal-Mart for a couple of times! I have a fall break for a week which started just today, and when I thought that I would have some time to rest and maybe go somewhere and see places and stuff, I was faced with deadlines to work on the final papers and do some presentations and readings ahead of time!! So, there is literally NO break for me this time!!

There is just so much that has been going on since I came here, I went to a football game on my second week. It was in the campus, and though I didn't know the rules of the game and how they were playing, I had fun watching it. Then the university was holding a homecoming celebration last weekend and I went there too. I haven't seen a parade before, and this one was so cool.

There is a problem with uploading the photos with the post; Blogger doesn't take it!!!

At Last!

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 22:25:00 +0000

I fixed the post. It's only now that I knew where the library is!! :P

This post might look kinda awkward. Well, that’s cuz I’m using my roomate’s PC for the time being. I’ve made it to the U.S. just two days ago!! I just didn’t want to talk about it until it happens. I was back to the Fulbright on the time when I was in Jordan; they called me and said that they got me a placement but the email from the university got late and they didn’t think that I would really get accepted here… bla bla bla..

So anyway, on Saturday morning I went to Jordan and stayed there for one night, then on Sunday morning I went to London, Heathrow Airport and stayed there for a few hours, then to Washington D.C. Then I had another flight on the same day to another place but it was canceled so they checked me into a hotel for a night. Then on Monday morning I flew to another palce then I took a transportation to my final destination. Because Monday was a holiday, I had to stay at a motel until Tuesday (today) and wait for someone from my university to come and pick me up.

Now I’m trying to send an email to my family but everything is not working with the email! I just get “email address is invalid”!! I tried all accounts but nothing is working at all.

To Micho, I miss you so very much. I can’t wait to read your emails and call you on the phone. Your last post made me cry. I’m doing fine here, tell them that. I will have to get internet connection tomorrow but I need to change the plug’s head cuz they use another one here, and the laptop is out of charge, that’s why I’m using my roomate’s pc now, she is from Taiwan!

All About My Trip to Jordan

noreply@blogger.com (Morbid Smile) — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 21:27:00 +0000

I know, the story has become an old one, and maybe boring to some of you.. but it still worths posting!

First Time…

So, I didn’t have enough time to write about my trip to Amman. I should mention here that this is the first time I get out of Iraq in my whole life, and it's been my first time I get on plane but sure not the last time!

In my first visit to Amman I went to movies for the first time in my life. There used to be many movie theatres in Iraq before the war but I was too young and didn’t have that interest in movies. And we all know that those theatres were closed after the war. So far, I watched two movies: Pirates of the Caribbean II with Attawie, Anarki and The Kid, and Superman Returns with Mom and sister. Other movies on DVD were The Da Vinci Code, Pride and Prejudice, Incredible Cruelty, Scary Movie4 and Zathura.

I hated the movie of The Da Vinci Code a lot; it's nothing like the novel and is missing a lot of the information and details in the book. After watching it, Attawie and I decided to reproduce and redirect the movie, change the actors and actresses, put more conversations and action like in the book, and probably turn it into a T.V. show if it gets too long!!

I'm having so much fun here although we're going to almost the same places everyday. I don’t feel homesick at all except for missing my father so much for he couldn’t come with us to Jordan. I mean, there's nothing to miss there anymore cuz it all reminds me of pain, lack of security, daily agony and the smell of death everywhere in Baghdad. Surely, these are not things to miss anywhere! I miss our old Baghdad though, and there are things that remind me of it here in Amman; the lights of the night down the streets with people walking around here and there. The night breeze of Amman reminds me of the autumn and early spring in Baghdad when we could have our dinners at the restaurants on the Tigris side. Ol' happy days those were that could never come back!

A fourth bloggers meeting took place on Saturday. We were ten this time: Anarki, The Kid, Baghdad Treasure, 24 Steps to Liberty, Zeyad, Nabil, Micho, Attawie and I. the tenth person was Attawie's sister. This time the meeting wasn't at the mall as the previous meetings. One of the bloggers chose a nice café shop and we all agreed on the place and time. Reading their blogs for over a year now I didn't feel that I was meeting them for the first time. It was like meeting old friends and having so much fun with them. Time passed so quickly that we (the girls in the group) had to go back home on sometime. We planned to meet again, but this time to go on a small picnic.

We talked about many things; about blogs, current news and points of views about political issues, about Baghdad and news from home and about our future plans. I think that most of us, if not all, don't want to go back to Iraq. At least for the current time. It's sad to know that educated people are fleeing the country for their lives leaving nothing but destruction and tears back at home, but there's nothing to do about it. We're seeking life somewhere else other than home cuz we've had enough and decided to want to live like other people. It's sad and not easy for me to say this and I don’t really want to admit it but that’s the hard truth.

The first bloggers' picnic...

That’s what Baghdad Treasure named it, or a chips picnic according to Attawie's description. As much as it was a simple picnic, it was awesome! There were Micho, Attawie and her sister, BT, 24 Steps to Liberty, Anarki and his friend, Zeyad, Nabil and finally me. The Kid didn’t come cuz he was having cold. My mother and Attawie's grandma were with us as well. We set the place and time at Al-Hussein Park on Tuesday, 8th of August. We brought chips (Lay's and Mr. Chips), nuts, mini cake roles and Pepsi. Though we didn't eat everything we brought, there's no picnic if there's no food.

We chose a place on the sidewalk as our resting spot and we started talking, singing, eating and laughing out loud. Nabil played guitar for us and we sang songs for Metallica, Hotel California, and other songs. When it came to singing old Iraqi songs, though no-one said it loudly, I looked in the eyes of each and every one of them and saw that they all missed home; the country that once we had! And since we are all fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and have seen many many episodes of the show and know their songs and quote them by heart, we sang Phoebe's famous "Smelly Cat" song. Now I know that every time I watch Phoebe singing on that show I'll remember this happy day.

It's ironic that we all live in Baghdad yet never had the courage to think about meeting there! But the chance brought us all to Jordan for different reasons in order to make this happen. I can say that those days were among the happiest days of my life; I had the chance to go out with people and to have new friends whom I can share everything with. And the most important thing was that we all are of almost the same background, have the same interests and strife for living normally like all young people in the world.

Does bad luck accompany Iraqis everywhere?? … Possibly!

Of all days of the week, the Museum at Al Hussein Park closes on Tuesday (the day we went there)! After walking for about half an hour in the humid and chilling weather to the museum, we found a big label says "Museum is closed on Tuesdays". We didn’t have the chance to get in there and see the stuff inside, but we didn’t want our walk trip to the place to be unfruitful so we took our "back" photo in front of the museum.

"The Museum is closed on Tuesdays"

Birds of a feather flock together!

Our meetings didn't end this far, and it's still going on till this moment, and every time we all met we planned for a next meeting. The reason is obvious; it was fun to do so, and for me it feels like I know them all for a long time. On Thursday after the picnic day we went to Mecca Mall, walked around the place and got to the arcade center and played table hockey and foosball. We played in teams in which BT and I always lost against the other teams! Well, I admitted to them that was the first time I played those games :P … The photos we took here were so much fun that I keep laughing every time I look at them, but they are not to be posted on the blog! Later on that day, we met I Was There with his family in one of the cafés at the mall.

I would call this one.. "Bloggers United"
??!

I didn’t go to historical places… I didn’t have enough time for that, besides we were told that Iraqis were not accepted in some of those places! However, I went to the Romanian relics which were located inside Amman. There were only me, my Mother and sister. We didn’t stay there for a long time cuz the place was rather small and there wasn't that much to see. It's not like the historical places we have in Iraq in which you can spend days looking at wonderful things. Here are some photos we took…

At night of the same day, I met the bloggers for one last time. It was at Bel Mondo café again. We sat there, had coffee, took photos, talked about many things, mostly blogging. Attawie suggested that we all tell the story of our blogs, how we discovered the blogsphere and why we started to write.

The next morning (Sunday), I came back to Baghdad alone, and it's been about two weeks for me in Baghdad now. There was only one day separating me from meeting Melantrys, and two days from attending the wedding party of Attawie's sister! The reasons why I had to cut short my vacation I come back home? Can't tell now but rather on the right time!

Bottom line: I had twenty wonderful days in Amman in which I met my closest friend after three years of non-meetings, I went to so many places, I met many new friends and had so much fun with them, and the most important thing, I "practiced" life!

More photos from Jordan...

Amman at night

And in the morning..

From a museum

On the way back home to Baghdad...

Down the dangerous airport road in Baghdad

Somewhere in Baghdad where a black rag annoucing the death of a person, a martyr, it says

Across the Tigris River

End of the journey! :P