From Mrs. to Mama

Update on life. Part 1. Of like 10 million.

2017-05-22T15:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I just definitely drove to Starbucks just so my Polina girl would fall asleep and I could transfer her to the bed, drink my Carmel Macchiato, and write a very QUICK update on our family. Because I'm like 2 weeks too late, even though I promised I would do this "more." ***Can I also add in here how shitty of a parent I am third time around? My kid definitely doesn't have a "Sleep" schedule. Aside from the one where she goes to sleep and she wakes up. Does that count?

And since I'm in a confessing type of mood...I also just gave my 4 year old the i-pod and set the "Alexa" timer for 15 minutes.

Who has an Alexa?

She's *almost* better than Siri.

I'm slightly obsessed.

And now that I sound like an over-privileged white girl... let's get on with the update.

1. Our family. Our family is great. There are still *5* family members, although we get asked on the daily when we plan on expanding. I get that baby fever. I do. I kiss Polina SO stinking much {all three of them actually}, and I just look at how fast she is growing and ask myself... is this it? Is this the last child I will birth? I know it won't be the last child in our lives. I know that for certain. As my dreams to adopt are there, and growing year after year. But I still can't help but wonder if I will ever have a baby belly. Will I ever go through labor again. Will I ever breastfeed? We just ended our breastfeeding journey 1 month ago, and she still asks me daily "milk, puuueesss?"

Talk about mommy guilt.

That's a post for another day thought.

Our oldest. Our oldest will be a first grader next year and I can hardly believe it. I'm not sure if I ever wrote on this blog about how we are no longer homeschooling {I'm too lazy to go back and check}, but needless to say, Elliana begged to go to school, to ride the bus {although it stays in our neighborhood since our school is in the neighborhood}, and to just be out with friends. And guys, she is THRIVING so much. Her teacher praised her so much I think I couldn't have been more proud as a parent. She has a total of "51" golden tickets from school. And she comes home teaching me something new almost every day. I could gush about her all day long but I will spare you the boredom.

But seriously, she's still my sass ball of fire. She always has been since the minute she learned how to talk. And I have a feeling she always will be.

She's special that one. My first child, and oh so darn special to me.

Graham. My boy. My middle boy has the biggest heart. He's so much like his dad, and so much like me. He's a wonderful mix, but has his own personality that far exceeds any qualities I have or his father has. Sometimes I look at him and I want to cry. Oh no, here it comes... tears. I love him so much it pains me. He's my only boy, so there's something special about him. Elliana has my heart because of who she is and being first in the family. Graham has my heart because of how different he is from the girls, and being the only one. He's so smart. His best friend is an 8 year old {aside from his sister}. He learned to ride a 2 wheeler when he was 3 years old. He is so mature for his age. And GOD is he loving. He smothers all the women in his life with kisses and hugs, and LOVES to cuddle.

That kid. He's going to make a wonderful husband one day.

Polina. What's there to say about her besides she's the baby and the ruler of the house. She stomps her feet. She points her finger and says "no no no" at everyone, and she gets what she wants when she wants it. The kids bow down to her feet. Carry her around the house. And spoil her rotten. I'm pretty certain that she couldn't be more loved. It's fun to see her personality unwind, and to have conversations with her, and to grow our relationship. That does happen. I know people don't admit it. But you love your children more and more as you get to know "them." Who they are. What they like. What they don't like. How they act. Their interests. Their hobbies. It's all about discovering something new every day, and I think that's what I love most about being a mom. There's never a dull moment, and our children give us so many blessings to look forward to.

OH MAN.

I didn't realize I was going to go off on tangents here with each of my children. But so be it.

The Alexa timer just went off so I have about 5 more minutes before Graham comes barging in here to play Pokemon with him...

That's the thing that is "in" right now in our house. POKEMON. The obsession is real guys.

2. Charleston. Andrew and I went on our first every TRIP ALONE without the kiddos by ourselves. ALONE. By ourselves. Can we talk about this for a second. A-L-O-N-E. I know the thought is like so shocking it's hard for me to even type it out. Yet alone say that we actually did it. And we survived. Even though we managed to harass the babysitter {my mother-in-law} about 10 times a day with FaceTime calls. And the kids survived. And we had an absolute blast. We ate A LOT of food. Delicious food guys. If you want to go somewhere to just eat and drink, GO TO CHARLESTON. We stayed at the cutest Air-bnb {First time ever}, and we will definitely do it again.

Our goal is to do 3 vacations a year. Our yearly summer vacation to hilton head island as a family {that we have done already every year}, a little mini vacation around January {we went to Disney this year with the kiddos for 4 days!}, and a little getaway for just Andrew and I {charleston this year}. That's our goal. This year we are good to go, next year the planning has begun.

Any suggestions for fun cities to visit, shoot them my way!

3. We almost moved. Last summer we went to go visit a house that we fell in love with. We put an offer on that house before we had even listed our house {or even talked about listing it}. We then immediately listed our house. Went through 20 showings. Got an offer on day 3. Accepted the offer. Went through inspections on both houses. And then discovered how CRAZY {I mean CRAAAZZZZYY} our buyers were. That deal went through. As a result, we closed the deal on the house we were going to buy. And then we stayed where we have been for 7 years, and instead did even MORE remodeling.

Guys. BEST.DECISION.EVER. I need to write an entire post on this. For now, I'll show you my dream bathroom that we finally accomplished!!

Okay okay 15 minute blog post of updates done.

Part two is coming.

Probably part three and four if I'm being completely honest......

Hi. It's Me. Long lost Becky at From Mrs to Mama {ha!}

2017-05-11T22:57:00.002-04:00

I am embarrassed to say that it took me a minute to even figure out how to start a new post. I feel like I am new at this and that I have no idea what I am doing. Do I? Not really. But I am pretty good at faking it until I'm making it.

Did I get that saying right? Andrew always makes fun of me for getting those American sayings wrong. For years, I would say "put the medal to the pedal." Or the other way around. Whichever is the WRONG way, that's how I said it. See? I still don't know.

So. HI.

Should I like introduce myself all over again?

Do people even READ blogs anymore. Pretty sure that's like a thing of the past.

Hello, my name is Becky. I'm 30 years old and I have 3 children, ages 6, 4, and almost 2. I mean if I'm giving her 2, I might as well say almost 7 {wah!}, and almost 5 {WHAT!}. I graduated from Purdue {where I met the love of my life, husband Andrew}. I am an ICU nurse at night {update coming!}.

I love bud-light lime or cab. I don't use a dishwasher. I pick my nose more often than I should. I'm a total introvert and homebody. I used to home-school. I take an insane amount of pictures. I used to stay up all night to play Euchre on yahoo with other people. And I cheated. Like used two computers to beat people. Ha. I'm laughing out loud right now while everyone sleeps.

Speaking of sleep... all of a sudden I no longer pass out at 9:30 pm.

Okay, like that just started this week. So who knows how long that will last.

But seriously, I'm digging it. I actually have time to myself to do things like.. blog. You know, because people read those things still. Not.

In all seriousness, how about some family photos to catch up a little of what's going on in our lives.

I mean seriously, these are already "old." Last fall, and those babies have already grown so much more. Especially that middle one. You see her? Oh yes, my sweet sack as sugar as we like to call her. Sweet P.

That child. She's everything.

I know she hasn't made it very much on this blog because I basically quit "real" blogging years ago, but it's important for me to mention that she is ever so incredibly loved. By all of us. Isn't it amazing how your heart can love multiple children so deeply? I think it's pretty amazing. I love all three of my kiddos with everything I have inside of me. I kiss them so much it hurts sometimes. I want to always remember everything about them, because I know this time is going to pass us by so quickly. It already has.

I'll dedicate an entire post to her one day. She definitely deserves it. And then I'll print it and place it in her baby book.

That isn't made yet.

Oh gosh darn that mother of three business that they always told you about. You don't do the things that you did with the first. Or even the second. In ways I'm a much better mom to these kids. And in other ways, I'm not. I know they are loved. I know that they feel incredibly loved. Hopefully that will be enough to make them good human beings.

So about that update. Have I talked too much already? I feel like I have. Okay, update coming next.

But no, I'm not pregnant. Because that's usually the first thing people ask.

Good night friends. I'm baaaaack. ;)

***Photos by the incredible Katie Hanson Photography

Celebrating Mother's Day with my moms across the sea.

2016-05-07T17:05:00.002-04:00

I was 7 years old at the time. Small children's suitcase in one hand. A soft animal in the other. Lots of people around me crying, hugging, and saying their well wishes. People that I know and love dearly. People that I would later discover I wouldn't ever see again.

We first boarded a plane. Then it was a train. Then it was a plane again. By the time we landed at the final destination, there were people that I did not recognize around me, and voices that I could not understand. Voices that would later intertwine with mine, and a language that I would one day speak as well.

I spent many summers running after hogs, milking cows, and picking strawberries in grandma's garden. Life was lived in the city, riding buses to desired destinations, and a very independent way of living. What was once my country, became my past. What was once just a country on a map, became my life.

Belarus to the United States of America. Where dreams come true.

I can attest to that statement. Every one bit of it.

We moved to Indiana in 1993. One thousand dollars in hand. A suitcase of clothes for each person. And not one family member knowing an ounce of English. Hello. Bye. Thank you.

My parents got set up with a couple of jobs. They went to school at night to learn English. And they would give us flash cards to learn the summer before we started school. 50 words a night. I was to start first grade in the fall, my brother 3rd. We would be okay mom said. It would be easy for us.

And we did. A few years went by, and my parents were able to buy a second car. They bought their very first home {with a pool!}, and although it stayed unfurnished for many years, in no time they slowly started to fill room by room. Their English got better, everyone began adjusting to this new life, and before you knew it, we were standing in front of the judge that announced our official citizenship of the United States of America.

It seems as though it would be easy for us to forget where we came from, how far my parents have come, and all that has happened in the past 20+ years. But then I am reminded of the many {all} of the family members that are still left behind. Thankful for technology of today, we are able to skype with them. We can hear their voices, and see their faces any time we please. We watch as cousins get married, aunts and uncles become grandparents, and slowly the number of our family begins to grow. Or should I say, quickly.

We know how hard life can be over there. We understand how fortunate we are. My mom tries to send packages frequently to our family members. From shoes, clothes, to every day gifts. And when necessary, we can send money by using a service such as Xoom through PayPal.

Looking for the perfect gift for the special mom in your life? PayPal is offering Mother’s Day shopping deals from merchants like Macy's and Kohls at PayPal.com/MothersDay, or you can shop the PayPal Digital Gifts store so Mom can pick out something she’s sure to love.

Xoom, a PayPal service, powers international payments to friends and family in more than 40 countries around the world and the number one recipient of payments on Xoom is Mom.
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Dear Becky before kids. Love, Becky after kids.

2016-03-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and Huggies, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #HuggiesatKroger http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV

Dear 23 year old Becky,

Hello! This is 29 year old Becky writing you a quick letter to help you with the next few years to come. A lot is going to happen, and a lot of growth will be done. Not just internally, but externally {think numbers}. I want to give you just a little piece of advice:

Just go with it.

When you are pregnant with your first, you will dream about your upcoming life. You will soak up every moment of pregnancy, and you will plan every detail out there. You will spend a lot of time preparing the nursery, the car, and most importantly your hearts for what will surely be the best day to come. Every emotion out there will hit you. You'll be scared. Excited. Curious. Nervous. Fearful. Thankful.

But let me tell you, when the baby comes it will far exceed any preparation out there. You cannot possibly prepare yourself for the love that you will feel in your heart for this baby, and you certainly cannot prepare yourself for what motherhood will do to you. You'll quickly realize there are no right or wrong answers in this parenting gig, and slowly, but surely, as the baby grows, you find yourself more and more confident.

So confident, that you decide to have a second one 2 years later.

Just go with it.

There is a little less preparing, but the nursery will be done in time. There is a little bit less nerves of how to be a mother, but you certainly will doubt you will love another child as much as your first. Go ahead and laugh at that statement, as you will prove yourself wrong over and over again. There is a new thing to prepare for, and that is your first child to being an older sibling now. But they too, surprise you. She'll be wonderful. She'll be your helper. She'll be more independent. She will grow instantly. But remember, she's still a baby. You'll get irritated. You'll get confused. And there will be tears shed. But, you will have better days than bad. You'll accomplish shopping at the supermarket with two like a pro. You'll have park dates. You will plan fun activities out. And one day you will even find yourself sitting on the couch with your husband thinking... maybe, we can do this again.

Just go with it.

Your third arrives even quicker than the last. There is absolutely no preparing here. You buy a couple of outfits, you install a car seat, and you have absolutely no fear this time around. In fact, this is the most relaxed you have ever felt while pregnant. You know you will love this child tremendously. Equally as the other two. You know the process well now, and you feel confident about it. And for some reason, you have no quilt.

No guilt that you didn't personalize ten million things. No guilt that you didn't document ever food aversion, every bathroom trip, and every measurement out there. You have no guilt for not preparing a nursery, and you are confident that this baby will feel just as loved if not more loved than the other two.

Your baby will live with you in your room. The crib will be right next to your bed, just where it belongs. You'll combat all those comments of "baby needs their own room" and even your own family who thinks that all of a sudden you need to upgrade from your 4 bedroom home. You learn how to organize and juggle, and you now know, more than ever, what is most important for the baby to have. Love {lots of it}, warmth, food {which is attached to you}, and most importantly, Huggies Snug & Dry diapers. New and improved, they provide 12 hour protection {because your baby will sleep through the night quicker than you expected}, and you won't have to worry about leaks because of the triple layer protection.

You will now feel like you have it all.

Because you do.

Because you just went with it.

----
We shopped at Kroger. And if you shop at Kroger during the "Baby Me" Event going on between 3/20/16 - 4/2/16 and spend $40 on participating baby items so you can receive a $10 off coupon good towards anything at Kroger. (while supplies last)

Together.

2016-03-16T21:49:00.000-04:00

While nursing Polina to sleep tonight, I watched an adoption video—a really amazing story, actually. And something that the father had said in the video really sparked something in me. He said that while his friends and family were busy running around from one dance recital to the other, this school committee to the next, and one commitment after another, they were what one would call busy.

They were busy and the days, weeks, and years of childhood were going by drastically fast. On the other hand, here him and his wife had these 5 new children and many years of their childhood already went by. Years he could not get back nor be a part of. And therefore, he didn't want to miss out on any more. And while they do those things that other families do, they make sure to always do them together.

He explained it much better than I just did.

More importantly, it got me thinking. I never want to be like that. Busy.

It's the reason why we do what we do, why we parent the way we parent, why we are how we are as a family. Because I always want us to be as a family.... together.

Soccer practice on Wednesdays means that I haul 3 children with me, load up the car with two large water bottles, baby essentials, jackets, snacks, and umbrellas {just in case}. I find a spot, standing there across the net with a baby on my hip, and my oldest standing on top of the chair clapping and cheering her brother on as he runs back and forth trying to kick the ball into the goal. Halfway through, Andrew joins us in his cute work outfit, kissing his girls, and joining in on the cheering. Sometimes that means that I have to work the night shift right after, and we switch cars and I drive off after the game. Sometimes I don't, and we can go to the little cute town nearby and have a bite of pizza. But it's something that we do, and we do together.

On Saturdays, we haul three children to gymnastics. Sometimes baby passes out and sleeps through the whole thing. Sometimes big brother does the same. But we are there, cheering our big girl on as she completes one new stunt to the next. Afterwards, we may stop for a treat at the local bakery. We may all end up in Trader Joe's together grocery shopping, and other times it may mean a special trip to grandma's or even a game of bowling. But it's something that we do, and we do together.

Library trips are all together.
Park trips are all together.
Little dates with the kids, together.
Lunches or dinners out.
Shopping as a family.
Movie nights.
Game nights.
Even co-sleeping. {I know, shocker}.

Our kids are little right now, and so that makes it easy for us to do. We are able to do so much together, and we spend so much time with one another, and we are able to adjust our schedules in order to do that. People may ask, why, why are you guys always together?

My answer, why not.

They are only little for so long. You hear that a lot. But what do we do about it? The reason I have chosen to keep my kids home from school this long {although E is begging for Kinder next year} is because it's important for me to build those relationships with them, and even more importantly, for them to build a strong relationship among each other.

Elli and Graham play together from sunrise to sunset. Don't get me wrong, there is that 5% of the time where a fight will ensue over something they are doing, a toy, or something silly another person said. But it's usually {I say usually, because sometimes we don't recover from it} over pretty quickly and they move along. But I'm telling you, their bond is so close that I am literally amazed by it every day. I shouldn't be, as they've been close from day one, but it still amazes me when I am witnessing day after day. I watch them and I am so grateful that they have each other. And I'm even more grateful to know that Polina is growing up with such a wonderful brother and sister to guide her.

I'd also like to think that the amount of time that we have invested in building these relationships with our children has played a major role in the way that they are. I'd like to think that by building these relationships now with them, gaining that ultimate trust and respect from them, will hopefully help us in the future as they grow, mature, and become more independent {and opinionated} in life.

Although I hate to think about this, I also like to know that if anything ever happened to us, that they have each other. Not only that, but that they truly love each other. Not just because they are blood.

Busy.

What was I saying about that?

I never want to be that way. I know we all get lost in the hussle and bussle of life. It's hard not to. But I hope that when we are lost, and when we are busy, and when days, and weeks, and years, go by right before our eyes. That at least we will be doing it together.

Cheering each other on, together.
Laughing, together.
Crying, together.
Creating memories, together.
Winning, together.
Losing, together.

Being us, together.

Russian Pancakes Recipe

2016-03-06T10:32:00.002-05:00

There is something special about holidays once children come into the picture. Discovering the joy, and living the joy through them really becomes a remarkable thing as a parent. You learn to appreciate the time with family more. You realize the importance of traditions and creating memories. And you bring a little of your childhood back to life through them—hoping that a little bit of your culture will live on for hundreds of years down he road.

I've whipped out the decorations, I've marked on the calendar, and we've made plans for Easter egg hunts, Easter service, and Easter brunch. One of the things that the kids love most about, aside from hoarding hundreds of eggs and binge-eating chocolate are the Russian pancakes that we make and scatter across the table on numerous plates for all to devour.

Russian pancakes. The first thing I hear people ask is what are they and how are they any different than "regular" pancakes. Do they call them American pancakes? I don't think so. But let me tell you, there sure is a difference. I remember growing up on these pancakes, and now even knowing that something different existed. That is until I spent the night at a friends house and the next morning her mom had pancakes waiting for us on the table. They're thick, I thought. They're, fluffy I said. And what's this sticky stuff I'm supposed to put on top of them, I inquired. Maple syrup they told me.

It was quite the experience.

But Russian pancakes... they're out of this world. The consistency is similar to crepes. They're very thin. They roll like a burrito. And the best of all is the stuff you put on top of them. Butter and sugar. Sour cream and sugar {my favorite}, and various jellies. In other words, sweet, sweet, and sweet.

Here's another secret I'm going to share with you all. I don't even know how to make them. Don't laugh. The reason I don't know how to make them, is because my husband does. My all-American husband who after eating my mother's pancakes 10 years ago, has sworn they are the best thing to ever exist {as far as pancakes go}. And that's the truth.

So why learn when I can just have him make them for me, right.

Well, today, we are in for a treat. We are going to learn TOGETHER!

Ingredients

2 cups milk
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tblsp white sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons canola oil

Directions

Beat together the milk and the eggs. Stir in the salt and the sugar and mix well. Add the baking sod.
Blend in the flour. This was our first time using Bob's Red Mill Organic flour, and it worked perfectly for these. It has since become a staple in our kitchen for all our baking needs, and I love that it is milled from Organic hard red wheat. Versatile high protein flour!
Add the vegetable oil and pour in the boiling water, stirring constantly. The batter should be very thin, almost watery. Set the bowl aside and let it rest for 20 minutes.
Add oil to a medium-high heat frying pan. Pick the pan up off the heat. Pour in batter while you rotate your wrist, tilting the pan so the batter makes a circle and coats the bottom. The blini should be very thin. {the first one is always a throw-out!}
Return the pan to the heat. Cook the blini for 90 seconds. Carefully lift up an edge of the blini to see if it's fully cooked: the edges will be golden and it should have brown spots on the surface. Flip the blini over and cook the other side for 1 minute.
Transfer the blini to a plate lined with a clean kitchen towel. Continue cooking the blini, adding additional oil to the pan after a couple blini. Stack them on top of each other and cover with the kitchen towel to keep warm.
Spread your favorite filling in the center of the blini, and roll like a burrito.

I'm telling you... once you go Russian... you never go back!

**Here's a coupon off of Bob's Red Mill flour!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

How to Host a Brunch Party like a Pro!

2016-02-27T17:01:00.000-05:00

Growing up, my mom would host large parties in our home throughout the years. From the numerous birthdays year round, to Thanksgiving feasts, Easter brunch, Christmas dinners, and celebrations of accomplishments, baby births, and new beginnings. As people gathered in our home, I would hear them say time after time that my mother was the best cook. She entertained. She presented a beautiful table. And her ultimate goal was to please others. Happy bellies and lots of laughter made for a successful evening all around, and being around that only propelled me to want to follow in her footsteps.

I'm not going to lie, it's hard to host and to gather with those we love when we have three little ones at home and work full time. Cooking numerous dishes with beautiful presentation is an art and a gift, and it certainly comes with time and practice. I always worried that I wouldn't add up, that people wouldn't enjoy the food, or worst of all that they may not have a good time. Part of the problem is that I ran out of ideas. What sort of party to host, what to serve, and how to please.

So I needed a little practice. I needed a reason to host a little party for those that I love to be around the most. A place to gather, a place to reminisce, and a place to make new memories.

Here's the thing. It doesn't have to be complex. It can be as simple as inviting your friends or family over for an afternoon of tea and bite-size appetizers. And best part about it, it won't require you to prepare for months, to stress over for weeks, and to cook for days.

I was able to get our tea party set up in a matter of hours! And here's how I did it.

1. Pick a Theme.

What is the purpose of the get together? It is a brunch. Is it a celebration. Is it a simple gathering, a breakfast brunch, a book club over appetizers and tea, or anything else that you may think of. I love the idea of starting a book club, and am thinking of getting a group of people together to join. Better yet, you can rotate what homes you go to every week/month!

2. Send out invites!

These days, you can create invites online sent via email, or you can be a little crafty and go to pinterest and create cute little ones like these to send out in the mail.

3. Plan A Menu

There are no rules to hosting a party and what's on the menu. You can do store bought, or you can cook. You can make simple bite-size food, or you can make complex dishes. Some of my favorite things to make:

Bruschetta
Tomato/mozarella sticks
Cucumber bites
Mini Cheesecakes
Salama/Prosciutto dish
Cheese and crackers
Coffee cake
Mini meatballs
Fruit salad

4. Tea Presentation

We drink tea in our house daily. And when we are sick, tea is our go-to remedy for healing; tea, honey, and lemon. The great thing about it, is it doesn't end with just one tea, or even two. There are so many varieties, for all different taste buds.

So, for the tea party that I hosted, I was able to have an assortment of Lipton Tea Flavors that I knew would be a big hit with our friends. Of course, I had to test them out first hand prior to their arrival, and it was hard for me to decide which one I enjoyed the most. I really think that each one was made for different moods and scenarios.

The herbal tea blends were a huge hit with real ingredients that awaken the senses. The new blends create an exciting and unique tea-drinking experience. The taste is light, it's fresh, the color is clear, and it brings a wonderful aroma to the room. With so many flavors, your guests will not be disappointed!

No matter the occasion, no matter what is going on in your life, if you just need a simple reason to gather with friends and to be around good company, host a tea party with Lipton Tea. It doesn't have to be traditional, it doesn't have to have any set of rules or expectations, and it can be as fancy or as low-key as you want it to be. At the end of the day, there is just something beautiful about gathering around the table with good friends and family and sharing stories over a cup of warm tea.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Dear moms that don't teach their children to clean up

2016-02-04T20:37:00.001-05:00

Dear moms that don't teach their children to clean up,

Are you serious right now?!

You see, I make that face every week that we go to the library and I witness what is known as the "tornado" erupting right before my eyes. A tornado caused by little minions {very cute, and adorable, with lots of energy minions who are just having fun}, all while so many moms sit back and pretend all is okay, assume Johnny and Susie are allowed to make a mess because there is someone else around to clean it up, and then have the audacity to just walk away when they are finished. Like, "yay that was fun my toddler was entertained, and it wasn't my house that got destroyed for once."

And I'm over here, still like....

Hey lady, you forgot your mess!!

Moms, I'm really not understanding what's going on here. I want to make sense of it, I really don't want to judge, but it's come to the point where I just have to flat out call it how I see it.

Rude.

Our children are lucky. The library opens their doors for them and entertain them, for free. They get to do story time. They craft. And then the great librarians even turn on some tot music, bring out an assortment of toys, and let them have at it. We end our two hour stay diving into thousands of books and filling our own bag with 30+ to take home for the week. It really is a wonderful time, and we are there at least once a week, so I'm serious when I say this... this post has been 4 years long overdue.

And so you could understand why I am baffled every time by the common courtesy that is lacking in adults (and as a result, their children). Baffled, confused, and completely frustrated.

If you come to a place that isn't your home, and your child proceeds to make a mess of the books, the toys, and the craft supplies, then please teach them to pick them up. And if they are too young to do so or to understand the process, then you pick it up and be that example for them.

It may be a tough lesson to learn, and it may result in a tantrum and tears and maybe even a little embarrassment for you. But trust me, I've been there. I sat with my boy less than a year ago in the library for 30 minutes while he cried, kicked, and screamed and flat out told me "No! I'm not doing it!" in regards to the box of blocks that he decided to spill out and then refuse to pick up. But here is where I couldn't just walk away. I couldn't just let him win this, because I was only ever going to allow this one tantrum over this, and I had my chance now to fix that. Because if I stood my ground, if I made sure that at the end of this misery {on both our parts} it meant that he would be cleaning up those darn blocks, and if I stayed certain that he knew that when mommy said you need to clean up, then you need to clean up, then he would trust me and that we would never experience that sort of episode again. And it's true. We never have. Sure, they've tried to avoid it, or took their pretty old time, but at the end, gosh darn it, they do it.

And not only do they clean up their mess, but we clean up after others. We {me included} will walk around pushing chairs in, putting books back on the shelves, picking up trash off the floor, putting puzzle pieces scattered over tables back together, blocks and toys all over the ground back into their spots, and trying to leave the library a tidy place. No, they didn't cause the mess, but I try to teach them that it's important to clean one up when we see it, even if if it was at the hands of others.

I try to teach them that we should be respectful of other people's homes, as well as our own, and when we see that someone or a place (in this case, our beloved library) is disrespected, then it is our duty to help them.

They get it. They they understand why they are doing it, even if they may gripe and moan about it.

A few months back, my daughter picked up trash on the playground {that we find often}, went over to the trash can and threw it away. She then proceeded to say to me, "Mama, why do people throw trash on the ground, when the trash can is right there." Wow. A 5 year old gets it. Why is it so hard for adults then to understand this basic concept of common courtesy.

Moms, I understand the whole "pick your battles" and I completely understand that you don't want eyes on you, and you're afraid. I've been there. But damn it that's what parenting is about. It's not meant to be easy. We shouldn't take short cuts. We are simply cheating our children as a result, and robbing them of learning some pretty darn valuable lessons in life.

Cleaning up, and respecting a place that is not ours is pretty important. It's at the top of the list. It means a lot more than just picking up after yourself. It will teach them more about life than putting trash where it belongs, and pushing chairs back in.

We are the example to our children. They will follow in our footsteps. It is our responsibility as parents to show them what respect and courtesy looks like. Trashing a home or building that belongs to others, and then expecting others to clean up after you or your children is just rude. And then they grow up to be self-centered adults that have this "me, my, and mine" mentality and we say "oh my gosh!!! I didn't raise Johnny that way!"

Oh yes, yes you did.

If I found out I was 4 months pregnant....

2016-02-03T21:07:00.002-05:00

I wouldn't hate it.
I wouldn't be sad.
I wouldn't have fear.
I wouldn't wish I wasn't.
I wouldn't wonder how we would make it work.
What others would think.
When I would sleep.
How to manage my time.
Or if I had enough love of my heart.

I would just be... excited.

Those were the thoughts that came into my head this morning as I was driving into a meeting for work. I actually {out of no where} said to myself, I would be thrilled if say in a couple of months I noticed there was this baby bump that didn't used to be there and went in to find out I was 6 months pregnant. Selfishly, the reason I say 6 months is because that would mean that I would be toward the end of my pregnancy. But in reality, I would just be... excited. Not because I was pregnant, but because there would be a baby at the end of pregnancy.

It's strange for me to say all this. In fact, I don't even know where I am heading with this. I haven't written a spontaneous blog post in a while, and for me to write it on this topic {not exactly even sure what the exact topic is}, leaves me a little puzzled. Am I writing this for myself or for others. Am I writing so that others may relate, chime in, or give me their honest advice? I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm writing it, but I just know that I had this sudden urge to write.

So here I am, talking about this idea of having another child.

All while my third is merely 3 4 months old----yes, I just accidentally wrote 3, that's how fast time is going by. Not to mention, the fact that my husband believes that we are 90% done with having children. I say 90% because I know him well enough to know there is a tiny bitty ounce of possibility left in him. Maybe because Polina has been a dream baby and it really hasn't felt any different with her around. Or maybe because he actually loves having babies as much as I do.

I think a little bit of both.

When I think about the reasons that we have talked about being "done" having children, they have always seemed to be for the wrong reasons.

Money.
Room.
Lack of sleep.
Less "me" time.
Guilt of family members watching the kids.
Guilt over family members buying gifts for our children.
Guilt over sharing our time with them.

They're all silly. Each and every one of them.

Do we think we have enough love in our hearts for more children? Absolutely. I think I could have ten more children if the first 2 "reasons" were excelling in our lives {room and money}, but that is completely beside the point {as I definitely am not having 10 children}. There is nothing about sharing your love, hearts, and time with your children that is challenging, you simply grow to love each of them individually for who they are. Having a child is a gift. A gift of meeting someone new, learning about them, watching them grow, and build this amazing relationship with them. A gift that you just want to keep on giving, because you know how wonderful the feeling is.

That's what having children feels like to me. I have never loved anything more in my life than being a mother. And I'm not even a great one at that. But man do I love those children. Man do I enjoy those children. And boy do I love being with them. Nothing beats the time that I have with my people here in our home. The people that keep on growing right before our eyes with unique, funny, and wonderful personalities.

And don't even get me started about the future. The future that holds many holidays, birthdays, proms, college move-in-days, and wedding dances. We have a life in front of us to build, and a wonderful future to look forward to. All because of our children.

So then, how could you blame me. How could you not understand how perfectly normal it is to be driving in your car one {very} early Wednesday morning and not think about having more. More children to hold. More children to love. More children to get to know, to teach, and to be siblings to the ones that we already love so dearly.

"Are you done having children?"

I get this question a lot.

My answer is simply this...
"I'm here having children. That will never end."

As far as the rest... I'll take it one day at a time.

Graham turns 3. Turned 3. It already happened. I'm just a month late.

2016-01-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

Graham,

Happy 3, little man.

I almost typed 4. I feel like you should be 4. You act like you're 4. You seem older. You want to be older. You're... our middle child. So I feel like you should be older, yet younger at the same time. It's all just very confusing, and I am sitting here at the kitchen table at 10 at night, 1 month late, writing you your birthday later. I don't know if that is supposed to mean something, but I tell you what baby boy, you are the LIGHT of our world. You are the laughter in our home, the spirit that brings everything to life, and the personality that makes us all melt. And I mean all of us. Anyone that meets you always has so many fun things to say about you, and I have a feeling that we are looking into the future right before our eyes. You're just going to be a taller, bigger, more handsome version of who you are now, and that is a big stinking sweetheart with a heart of gold. You love, you love really big, and your feelings, when they get hurt, completely get stomped. You want to be held, and snuggled, and you absolutely adore attention from any avenue out there. You are such a boy, in each and every way, and we are just so utterly blessed to call you our baby boy. Thank you for allowing us to not be perfect. Thank you for allowing us to make mistakes and to teach us to be more patient. Thank you for showing us that life isn't about being serious and caring about keeping things from breaking... it's about living and having fun. These three years have been just wonderful, and we are so looking forward to the many more years down the road.

So.

What have you been up to at the age of 3.

Well, to start with, you are all boy.

This picture is a prime example. Mom, pictures are no fun, this is completely boring, and I would completely rather be perusing around in the forest:

And there is absolutely no one in this world that you love more than your sissy. You claim that it is mommy, but I know and can see by the way that you look at her and play with her that she is your everything. You look up to her. You do anything she says for you to do. You want to be playing with her all hours of the day {and do}, and you like/dislike anything that she likes or doesn't like. She is your best friend, and I hope that the bond that the two of you have created never changes.

Always have to have sleeves rolled up and pants rolled up. Always. You would much rather be in underwear or plain naked, and definitely prefer the summer clothing over wintering. The less layers, the better. Actually you are also not a fan of socks or shoes. I don't even know why we even try to put them on you when we get in the car, because you immediately take them off.

Speaking of clothes, you are not a fancy little dude. You are my tee and basketball shorts kind of kid. The nice clothes are only allowed on Church days, birthdays, or special occasions. So, rare. Remind me why we buy them again?

The way we know when you are up to no good: you either give us that little smirk, or you put your hands together behind your back and walk away, periodically turning around to see if we are still looking.

You are sneaky. Very sneaky. Your day revolves around how to be destructive/make us upset. It's not malicious in any way, you are really trying to get a laugh out of us, and most days it works.

However, I am certainly not a fan of the sticking anything and everything in the toilet business.

You jump. A lot. And off of anything and everything.

You love all things cars, trucks, airplanes, super heroes, and transformers. But? You will totally play baby or with stuffed animals any time your sissy requests.

Paw patrol is a big hit right now as well.

You have to hold my hair {or someone's hair} when you go to sleep. You love to play with it, and the way that I know that you are getting tired {besides your eyes drifting in and out of sleep}, is you will begin to play with your own hair.

Loves anything sissy loves. Hates anything sissy hates. It could be your favorite meal of the day, but if sissy says "ew that's gross," you quickly push your plate away and say the exact same thing.

You adore your sweet P, but she is definitely old news to you. Until she can walk and talk, I think she is just fun to run up and kiss every once in a while... that and push her little rocker around in the hallway as though it is a car... {with her in it}.

You are really into telling us lately what is for boys and what is for girls, which we have no idea where you got that from as we have never said those things, placed certain toys or books or such into categories of gender, and really could care less about typical stereotypes. So it is very interesting to us that you are able to identify this in your own way.

May just be an aspiring musician. LOVES to sing. Loves to bang on drums {whatever he makes into drums}, and play the guitar. We have some great videos that I am sure you will love to see 10 years down the road.

Extremely coordinated. Great soccer ball kicker. Has a nice throw. And can do a mad twirl! Yes, I said it.

You have to nap. Honestly, I actually try to prevent you from napping, as I know it makes it more difficult come bed time, but you make yourself nap by just going on the couch and falling asleep. It's so funny to me, as I had the complete opposite problem with your sister when she was your age {trying to force her to nap}, and here you are wanting to do it on your own. You are definitely just like your papa in that sense.

You hate roller coasters. For now, I hope. I think you will probably not be a fan of heights {just like your mama}.

We plan on starting you in soccer this spring, and you are so excited about it. I know you are more than ready.

Right now your favorite shows are: paw patrol, robo bots, and jake and the neverland pirates.

You still sleep with us, and we are so okay with it... because you are quite one of the best cuddlers out there!

You really don't love learning, but you do learn. You pick up things easily, but really hate showing off what you know, and that is totally okay as well. So far you know your ABC's, 1-30 {not perfect}, most of your shapes, all of your colors, some sight words, some Russian words, how to spell your name, and you talk in paragraphs with a pretty high vocabulary.

But, like I tell your sissy, what is most important for your papa and I, is that you love and you love big. Not your academics, or how good you are in sports. But rather, the way that you treat others, the way that you help those in need, and showing others grace. You're only 3, but you already have a big heart and we hope to grow on that and to teach you to be a very kind gentleman.

But for now, keep jumping off couches, singing at the top of your lungs, and making us laugh so hard we cry. We love you LOOOOOTS and we will always work hard at showing you just how much.

Happy 3 little man!

Vacation video

2016-01-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

I make these every year, and every year they get longer and sweeter. More family members, more babies, more laughs, and more fun. I know I will cherish these greatly down the road. I already do.

Our vacation 2015

An update on life

2016-01-08T21:02:00.002-05:00

Boy has this little space of mine been neglected or what. I am sure by now everyone is convinced that my blogging days are over, but I'm over here trying to talk myself into all these grand plans for my writing. I want to open up this space for myself to let go, to dream through words, to connect, and to grow. Reading my writing often times lets me reflect on things, and in a way is a form of therapy. Yet, I haven't found that balance yet. The balance between working full time, to taking care of the kids full time, to growing my photography business, and to remember to just sit back, relax, and enjoy life.

But that also doesn't mean that I have to give up right? Surely, I can dig myself out of this blogging funk and find myself through the process. Even if that means that the kids are throwing legos, and the baby is essentially crawling all over me, and I'm avoiding answering emails. But I'm sitting here and I'm going to write it out gosh darn it.

So. Life.

Man life has been good. We have had such an amazing year. A great year. With a lot of hard days though. My kids are getting to an age where the parenting thing is always making me question myself. Yesterday was one of those days. Where I felt like I failed. I yelled a lot, I said things I wish I hadn't said, and I didn't love enough. I was quick to respond, and my patience was on a different continent.

But we are all healthy. My kids are really happy. Andrew is happy finally at work. I'm doing new things at mine. And we are together. Every day that I wake up, I just think, thank God we are all together. If I can just keep this thought tucked away in my back pocket wherever I go, all throughout the day, then perhaps I can learn to let go of the things that really don't matter.

Christmas was amazing. We had the best time at my parents house, enjoyed the best Russian food ever {my mom is the most amazing cook}, shared great laughs, and then ended the night in our Christmas jammies {EVERYONE}, and opening up the presents. It was the best night. We stayed there, and then int he morning we were off, singing Christmas carols and wondering if Santa did in fact make a stop at our house. He did. And he was good to us. And again, there was something so special about this Christmas. Not sure if it was because Polina was with us this year, the fact that the kids are at such fun ages, or maybe because we just savored every moment and did not feel rushed one bit to go anywhere. It was truly memorable.

Elliana wants to go to school next year. Like really really wants to. I've always said that we will follow lead with our kids' desires when it comes to homeschooling, so I guess we will most likely have a kid in school next year and that is all bizarre to me. I mean, we are going from being with her all hours to the day, to being gone the majority of the day 5 days a week. I just don't think I will be able to handle it.....

I have a 3 year old now. Oh yes, can you believe that. Graham man is officially 3, and I promise I am working on his 3 year post and have not {and will not} forget about my sweet little man. He's wonderful though. So special. Mama's boy through and through. Papa lover for all things fun. And just a destructible little thing.

I also have an almost 4 month old. Here in less than 2 weeks, Polina will be 1/3 of the way through the year, and that just seems shocking to me honestly. She is holding her head up high, sleeping through the night {11-12 hours without waking}, and drooling like a monster which leads me to believe she may have teeth sooner than later. The kids are in love with her, and her sweet giggles just steal our hearts all day long.

I made our vacation video. It's 21 minutes long. It will definitely be a post for another day.

Work is work. I'm still working full time nights in the critical care unit, and although I have talked about going part time, I'm still not there yet. The schedule is still working out ok for me {in other words, the lack of sleep is still going strong}, and well one day I will have time to sleep I guess. I'm doing charge and rapid response now {very interesting}, as well as precepting, so it's nice to have a change of pace on some days.

My photography business is growing. I mean blooming. In fact, I'm pretty much booked up fall 2016 already. I have six weddings booked, and 2 pending currently. I mean what is going on here? I'm excited to share that I will also be buying my dream camera. This is the biggest reason for my absence around here.

I'm going to leave it there, because I have a few photography clients to get back to, and I think I have rambled enough. Not to mention, Andrew should be home any minute with what I hope, wine in his hands!

Happy weekend you all.

My sister turns 21 next week!!!!!!!

Celebrate Christmas with Cocktails, Cigars, and Experiences.

2015-12-17T17:14:00.001-05:00

This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and Scandinavian Tobacco Group, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #masteryourblend http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV”

One of the biggest challenges of this {and every} holiday season, is finding the right gifts for those that we love.

When I think of gifts, I think of love language. It's a way for us to show someone how much we care. It's a way to give back a token of our appreciation to another person. It's a way for us to communicate and to give thanks. To help those in need. To shower those we love. And to indulge in giving back. And it doesn't necessarily have to cost a lot, or even cost anything at all. Gift giving is all about the meaning behind the gift. And gift giving doesn't necessarily have to be things. From cocktail and cigar parties, to tickets to a sports game, and a coupon book including a golf trip with the guys. It's the meaning behind the gifts.

For us, Andrew and I have always been big on gifts. We used to buy each other extravagant gifts around this time of year in celebration of the holidays, his birthday, and our anniversary. But after having children, owning a home, and needing money to go into more important places, we definitely took a step back when it came to presents. Instead, we chose presents that were more meaningful, that didn't necessarily have to be an actual item, and that often times consisted of us spending quality time together. Because let's face it, parents don't get enough of that when they are busy at home taking care of the little ones. And to be honest, I love those gifts even more.

I know that men tend to be the more difficult category for shopping, and it's a struggle in our family to find the right gifts for the men in our lives, but I am here to tell you that it is possible. Even for those that you think may already have it all. And the best part about it is that they aren't the typical gifts you may be used to seeing.

Here are a few of my favorite things to gift:

1. Gift Basket: These are always fun to open up, and I love to do these specifically for my dad and my husband. Things that can be included in this gift basket: Cubero Cigars, chocolate, shaving gel, cologne, bottle opener, a lighter, gift cards, and anything else that is small but useful.

2. Cocktail and Cigar Party: A fun way to celebrate with friends is by throwing a party. Getting dressed up in the fanciest of clothes, having the most delicious of appetizers, Christmas music jamming in the back yard, and of course lots of cocktails and Cuberos to go around. I love that you can pair these flavored cigars with your favorite drinks. Instead of spending money on buying your husband an actual gift, give him instead the experience and laughter that he will enjoy the most with the best company. To sign up for free coupons and to find a retailer near you visit Cubero Cigars website here.

3. Tickets: I love the idea of gifting someone an experience. Whether that be to a comedy show, an opera, or movies and popcorn {one of my favorites}.

4. Sports: Another experience that you can share with the person. You can either gift them a night out with the guys, or you can join them and act like you completely love it! {I'm not a huge football fan, but for my husband, I can definitely turn into one!}.

5. A vacation: Love this idea of completely ditching the effort of buying something to open, and instead using that money that you would have spent on each other to take a little vacation.

6. A night out: If you can't plan a vacation to getaway, then a night out away is something I know that my honey always appreciates. We usually do a dinner at our favorite restaurant, a comedy show afterwards, and then spend the night in a hotel. It sort of makes us feel young again!

7. Coupon book: I gifted my husband one of these one year, and he adored it! He loved to use the cute funny ones {don't take the trash out today}, as well as the fun ones {take the day to go golfing!}

No matter the gift, no matter the dollar amount spent, it's being together and enjoying ourselves that means the most to us. I could color my husband a picture, send him on a scavenger hunt to a surprise, or just steal him away and plan a night out, and I know that he would be just as please as if I booked an extravagant romantic vacation for just the two of us. The thought and meaning behind the gifts doesn't change based on how big or small they are.

It took me a long time to understand this concept. But I get it now. I really get it.

Learning to let go. Learning to let my kids be....kids.

2015-12-16T12:33:00.001-05:00

When Elliana was 4 months old, I remember sitting at night reading a blog post written by an experienced mom of 4. She talked about a woman who had let her child have a candy bar at the checkout and how this type of parenting was frowned upon. It was giving in. It was letting the child win. It was essentially lazy parenting.

I knew it was judgmental. The tone was harsh. The message seemed wrong. Yet, I took mental notes, reminded myself to never do such thing, and went along to the next post about motherhood.

I read a lot in those early days.

A lot of posts of what to do and what not to do. How to raise good children, and how to raise spoiled children. The way you teach children, and the way you neglect them. There was seriously a blog post for every parenting decision out there. And in a way, I thought this was actually... helpful to us new moms. I believed it was helpful. I thought that we, the new moms, were at an advantage. Advice at our fingertips. Resources just a click a way. Experiences witnessed, shared, and learned from.

But I was wrong. It led me to be a parent I never wanted to be. It led me to focus on the things I never wanted for my children. It painted an image for me of motherhood that was far from rewarding. But in the eyes of others, it was perfection.

I didn't want perfect out of my child. I didn't want to be perfect myself. I wanted more than anything to see happiness in our family. And I couldn't help but ask myself a very important question... since when did our society forget the most important part about childhood: letting kids be, well kids.

No candy. No bribery. No toys. No presents. No jumping. No running. No touching. Please share. Please clean. Please listen. Please be quiet. Play nice, be gentle, and wait your turn.

I've said all those things, and I've regretted just about most of it all. And slowly I began to change.

And if you were to walk into our home... this is what you would see:

They jump on furniture. They jump off it too. But they know that's not allowed in other people's homes, and they know that there is a potential to going to the hospital, and that if they make a mess with the pillows as their cushion when they jump.. that they better put it right back when they're done.

They get treats at the checkout, or while walking through the store. Not every time, but definitely sometimes. But guess what? They also walk in the store with no problem. They stay next to me, they know to say excuse me, and they listen well. They even push their own carts around at Trader Joes, empty their stuff at the checkout, and then go to put the carts back.

They can touch stuff. I used to be so against this. And then I realized how crazy it was. They are so curious and so why not? They know they have to put things back where they found it, and they know that if we break something we buy it. But they touch, and they know, and so all is ok in the world.

They get rewarded with bribery. And we threaten {things will get thrown away}, and we tell fibs like: you drink that water, bugs will grow in your belly {the lake water}. And you know what, it's not going to kill them. How else do you think I convince my children to take family photos and to actually... smile? Treats!

They don't have to share all the time. At our house, the rule is that you wait your turn. If someone is playing with something, then you shouldn't expect them to give it to you to play with. Once you are done, then you can pass it to the next person. However, they also know that nothing in our home is "mine". All the things belong to all our family members.

They have ice cream almost every day. After dinner, pretty much if there is ice cream in the freezer, then they get it. They also know that they need to eat their fruit and vegetables, or no ice cream it is. And don't even get me started on chocolate and cheesecake for breakfast. Look, if I'm eating it, how fair is it for me to tell them no.

They watch TV almost every day. They get anywhere from 20-40 minutes of screen time on the TV, and a little on the ipad. They double that time in reading books and playing outside. And then there are days when we spend watching movie marathons. Those are fair game for any kind of "sick day."

Speaking of sick day, if they need a "day off" school {when they start going to school}, then they get a day off. There will never be such thing as a perfect attendance. My mom let us stay home about 6-7 times a year. And if your birthday fell on a school day, then a day off you got! Everyone needs a break from work, including our children. Needless to say, you can probably understand my stance on taking a "vacation" even in the middle of a school year.

They don't have a limit on presents under the tree. Because we put no limit on giving. We donate anywhere that is needed, and our trunk is always full during the holiday season. And so, I try to teach my children the power of giving to not only those in need, but also to those we love dearly. But you know what my daughter squealed with excitement about when she opened up her birthday present? UNDERWEAR!

They climb up the slide. When we are only with our friends at the park, or by themselves. But they know that when other kids are around, they need to be courteous and go up the stairs instead. I let them be monkeys at the park, and I watch from afar. I cringe every time that Graham climbs those large gap stairs up, but I've seen him do it many times, and I encourage him every time.

They have toys. I know this may sound like a strange one, but I read so many posts last year of this trend about taking all toys away from children and letting them depend only on their imagination. I mean... what. Yes, my kids have toys, and they can spend hours playing with them... but even with all the toys in the house, nothing compares to the hours spent playing Jake and the Never land Pirates.

They don't have to finish everything on their plate. In fact, they don't have to it at all. I simply ask that they try. I won't make a new meal for them, they may eat their fruit and vegetables, however, I do not force them to eat anything. They have to take a bite... and trust me when I say this... after "hating" it 20 times, after that 20th bite... they learn to one day love it. Look I don't love everything out there, so why should I expect my kids to? Everyone has different interests, likes, and desires. That includes children.

Look, I'm not here to compare my kids to your kids or his kids or her kids. What I'm trying to say is that I've started to let go, and I'm not longer ashamed of it. I've gone from the mom that said no so many times, that tried to be perfect in every way possible, that tried never to scream or say the wrong thing, give too much TV, or to have kids that actually made messes. I followed everything by the book. I followed those blog posts that I read, and I took those notes into action. And slowly, I became that mom that wanted my kids to look perfect in public, to get that stamp of approval from others, and to be a picture perfect family on the cover of a magazine. I've been that mom. I'm still that mom at times---the one so worried about what others think. But I find myself stopping in my tracks before I react, before I set high expectations, and before I make a mistake I regret.

The reason I write all this is because I am far from being that free-spirited parent that I so badly want to be. I'm getting there, I'm learning as we go, I'm trying my best to be open-minded, but I still admit that I struggle and that I am constantly learning. And I want you to know that you're doing okay. Whatever you are doing. That no matter what you read, what you see, or what others tell you... trust your instinct first. There is no "too much" or "too little" in the book of parenting. And when I'm still unsure of which direction to go... I go with my gut.

Trust your gut.

If it seems wrong, then it's wrong. If it seems right... then keep doing and never look back.

And so far... that's led me to the happiness that I was searching in motherhood for so long. No longer am I reading blog posts about how "time-out" is detrimental to children, and questioned whether we should or shouldn't do it. No longer am I reading posts about only doing 4 Christmas presents under the tree, and thinking that perhaps we need to change our ways. No longer am I wondering if we are harming our children in some sort of way by the way that we choose to say "yes" or how often we say "no." We just... PARENT. We go with it, day by day, moment by moment, child by child. We've made mistakes. We still make mistakes. We don't know what we are always doing, and we are always seeking to be better. But we just do.

And for us? It's working out.

Happy 5 baby girl.

2015-12-07T14:57:00.000-05:00

***Forgot to post November 8th

Elliana,

I am sitting here with less than 48 hours until your birthday, thinking what do I write. more importantly, where do I write it. It only made sense to write it here. Where I will go to when you're heading off to school. The place I will seek when you tell me about your first crush. And the letters that I will read over and over the night before your wedding.

I know that this is a space that I have kept since the beginning of my pregnancy with you. Though much slowed down, it is still a journal of all our milestones that we have achieved. Together. My milestone of becoming a mother, and your milestones from smiling, to walking, to reading for the very first time.

We have had so many moments, and I just wish that I was better at this. Documenting our every day lives, videotaping our every day, and holding on to every little bit of who you are now. I know it won't accomplish anything. It won't slow down the time, or make you stop growing. In fact, I want you to keep growing. With you growing, it means that you are thriving, that you are living, that you are growing up. I can't wish for something for selfish reasons. I want to know the 5 year old Elliana, just as much as I want to know her at 10, 15, 20, and 30. Even if that means that I have to also let go of the 4 year old Elli.

So here we are. The big five. FIVE FINGERS. You hold up your entire hand now when people ask you how old you are. How do I have a 5 year old I ask myself?

The same way I wonder how it's possible I have three of you little ones. How lucky I am.

So let's talk about age 5.

At 5, you love gymnastics. You have been going since you were 26 months old {with a little break in between}, and you absolutely love it. You constantly talk about wanting to continue, and we are happy that you have found something you truly enjoy. We aren't looking for a trophy at the end of the day, or for you to be the best. We simply want you to have fun, to engage with others, and to try your ultimate best. That's all we care about. It's funny though because when your mom was little {hey, that's me}, she loved to do back hand springs, flips on the balance beam, and more. And I never took a single lesson either.

At 5, you love your brother and sister. A lot. From day one, you have always been an amazing sister. I mean you love your brother really hard. A lot. And even though we had a stretch of about 5 months there this past year where you two fought more than we would like you to, you guys are past that. You can play together for hours on end, pretend play, and are so sweet together. He calls you sissy, and I feel like that will be a forever thing. And then we have your sister, who is going to grow up absolutely adoring you and looking up to you. You kiss her twenty times a day, and if she is upset you get your "mommy voice" out and talk her down. You sing songs to her. You hold her hand. You're so gentle, kind, and tell her to "be brave Polina" every day!

At 5, you are a very big reader. You have been reading now for almost 2 years, and we are constantly amazed on your love for reading. We go weekly to the library to exchange books, and never leave without 30+ books. You read in the car, at the table, on the couch, and anywhere else you could possibly imagine. On average, you probably read 10-20 books a day just on your own, not counting what we read to you. You love the Step into Reading books the most.

At 5, your favorite shows to watch are Jake and the Neverland Pirates. You and your brother will then act out this show for hours at a type, and you are always Jake. He on the other hand is normally Cubby. And mama will take turns being the mean Captain Hook.

At 5, you are very vocal as to what you like to wear and how you like to do your hair. Which means you are normally to be found in leggings, a shirt {no frills, no bows, no tutu stuff}, a hair clip {no hair ties except on gymnastics days}, and nikes. You are definitely not a princess type girl, and I don't mind that one bit. In fact, I was the exact same way growing up.

You love cereal, waffles, pancakes, syrniki, spaghetti and meatballs, carrots, salami, chicken tenders, peppers, apples, pomegranate, yogurt, anything sweet {anything and everything}, and snacks.

You don't like: broccoli, meat {that isn't already in food}, and onions.

When you grow up, you tell me that you want to be a nurse like mommy!

You have a bunch of "Stuff" in your closet that no one is allowed to touch or move. This stuff consists of buckets, boxes, stuffed animals, pillows, pictures, and more. You say that it is magical. I always tease you that it's disorganized more than anything else. You are exemplifying signs of hoarding :)

You love to talk to people on the phone. You will talk to your grandparents for 30 minutes at a time, and never let them hang up unless absolutely necessary.

You learned how to email your loved ones. We even made you your own email. It's your nickname.

You haven't lost a tooth yet.

You are very protective over your brother. If he is doing something dangerous, you instantly begin to cry and beg for him to come down or to stop. It makes my mommy heart so happy to see you keep such a good eye on your brother and sister.

You love to snuggle. You love to be "held like a baby" after bath time by your papa, and to get tucked in to bed by him. You are slowly becoming more and more of a daddy's girl.

You love to give. You love to wrap up presents for your friends and cousins. These presents are typically toys you no longer play with, ha.

You are SO into "big eyed creatures" right now. In other words, the TY bears with big eyes. That is all you want for Christmas from Santa.

We are so excited to watch you grow and to become the wonderful young lady that you will be one day. Until then, we will savor every bit off "little" girl that you are. Your sweet voice, your loud singing vocals, your love for pretend play, and your smart imaginative personality. You will do GREAT things in life, and we are so proud to be the parents to support you every step of the way.

Happy FIVE!

Battle Cold & Flu Season

2015-12-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

I was not paid for this review, however, I was provided products and all opinions stated are that of my own.

It's that time of year.

The holidays are here; the Christmas music is ringing in our ears, the lights are flashing in our homes, and there is a sort of bliss that surrounds us all. Not to mention the desirable food that leads us to unbutton our jeans and let out a big sigh of relief.

But one thing that also comes along with this time of year is the sniffles, the runny noses, the coughs, and late nights. Never fails, from December through March, my kids have a chronic cold that will inevitably lead to fussy kids and a whiny mama.

With 3 kids under my belt, and many many cold winter months behind us, we have a sort of routine with the kids. A normalcy if you will with these sort of things. I hear a cough, I hear the sniffle, or those watery eyes come around, then we change gears and quickly start he natural healing process.

1. First I ask myself, what is causing the symptoms and is this something serious. Thankfully for us, the answer has always been no. Looking at the child, assessing whether they are just down with a virus, or actually caught something serious is important. When one isn't sure, the answer is to go to the doctor. I fully believe in mama intuition, and thus far, we have been able to avoid the doctor {except for well visits, and 1 case of pink eye and double ear infection}. As long as the kids have still been able to take some fluids {and a little food} down, are able to wake up, converse {and even play sometimes}, and based on their breathing, color, and overall complaints, I am usually able to help them feel better just by staying home, resting, and relieving the symptoms.

2. Humidifier. Has been a good friend to us since the kids were little. Whenever they are stuffed up, congested, and just not able to sleep well at night due to their illness, I turn our humidifier on and it makes a world of a difference.

3. Newborn Nasal Aspirator. Wonderful for the little ones that are hard to suction out those yucky little monsters! I'm pretty sure this is a "must" on the baby registry, because all three of my children have put this sucker to good use.

4. Rest, fluids, and plenty of cartoons! My kids know that if they are sick, they get treated like a prince/princess by mommy. They are allowed to be on the couch, everything is brought to them, and they get to pick whatever they want to watch on TV. They deserve it for feeling crummy and being a champ about it.

Showing Children the Importance of Giving through Example

2015-11-20T08:56:00.003-05:00

One of the most important parts of parenting for my husband and I is that we instill the value of helping the local community in our children. Not only that, but also those worldwide— giving to those that are in need, and reaching out to those that are hurting—in any shape or form. Children begin to observe at a young age, from what we say to what we do, to our actions and the way we react to certain situations. These behaviors will instill a certain mindset in our own children, and we hope to let them have the opportunity to take in something good out of this world that is too often surrounded by evil.

I love the holidays for this very reason. It not only brings people together, but it also opens up doors for those that are reaching out to help others in need. Although our children are still very little, and may not understand completely what their act of giving is going toward, it is still important to us to continue to exemplify these acts of kindness and to talk them through it as we go. We started a few traditions when our oldest was just a one year old, and with three kids now, we continue to do the same things during the holidays.

And that's what I love about the powerful message that Western Union is sending with their new Chain of Betters project. It’s an idea that empowers people with the opportunity to change the lives of others. As money moves around the world, and good deeds are carried out, together we can start to change lives in ways that are positive and extraordinary.

1. Donate Birthday Toys. Do you ever stop and think about how insane the amount of gifts that a child will receive throughout the year? From birthdays to Christmas gifts to being spoiled by their grand parents. When my daughter was turning 1, I knew that I didn't want her to always view her birthday as an opportunity for gifts, gifts, and more gifts. So, we asked that instead of our friends purchasing us gifts, that they instead bring a gift from the need list at a local hospital for children with cancer {you may choose any form of charity that suits you best}. You can provide the link on the birthday invitation, share some ideas of the needs that this hospital may have, or just ask for those to instead make a monetary donation to a specific charity that you may have in mind. We allowed for our kids to continue to receive gifts from our family members, but anything given to us by friends was then donated.

2. Find a donation center for used items: How often do you go through your stuff in your home, and dig up piles and trash bags full of "stuff" that you no longer need. What do you do with them? Many people I hear send their items off to goodwill {I used to do the same}, others have a garage sale, and many even just send it away on trash day. I often hear that people struggle with finding where to donate, and I have to tell you, it's simply a google search away. I typed in "where to donate" and then typed in the city, and I got an amazing amount of results. Since that first google search years ago, we drop off our stuff a couple times a year at the same "donation barn" at a local church nearby. They take everything from clothes, to household items. If you try to search and still don't find anything, you may always call around the churches and ask them if they accept donations {most do!}. Just remember, they will have access to those that are need more than we will.

3. Adopt a family during the holidays: This is another "google" search that lead us to a domestic violence organization which sets up a family tree donation opportunity. We get matched with a family, and then we purchase items on their need list: socks, shoes, clothes, hats, gloves, etc. And then also gifts for the children. We also "adopt" children through a children's bureau where they have over 500+ children in need for gifts for the holidays. I go crazy and just keep shopping until my trunk is full, because I honestly cannot imagine any child not opening a single gift during the holidays. Yet it still happens, year after year.

4. Volunteer your time at a local food bank: This is a great one for Thanksgiving, and I cannot wait until the kids are a little older so we can start helping out more in this area of need. You can also find a local food bank simply by searching on the Feeding America website with your zip code.

5. Purchase toys/winter gear together to donate: I always see little drives for winter gloves, hates, and coats wherever we go; from our local library to our church. Going shopping with the kids and letting them pick out these items and then taking them the next time we go somewhere really shows them that not everyone has the luxury of staying warm during the cold winter season, and how very lucky we are to have these simple items that we often take for granted. The same goes with toys. My kids have gotten such a thrill in taking a large bag full of purchased toys to our fire station in our neighborhood for their annual toy drive.

6. Make "goody" bags for the homeless: This isn't necessarily a holiday tradition, as it is simply a year round act of kindness that I think is so very important. Often times people are steered away from giving money to the homeless due to the stigma surrounded by it, but I believe that every single person out there, no matter the circumstances, deserves our help without the judgement behind it. I don't know who needs my help more, or who deserves it more, and it's not for me to decide. If only 1/10 of the people we have given to actually needed it, then I know it was worth it. Trying to reach that 1/10 is what matters most. So if you aren't into giving money, buy paper bags, an assortment of items {cereal bars, apples, water, socks, etc} and fill it up in the bag. Have the kids help in the process, and leave them in your car for when you stop at those stoplights and someone is asking for your help.

7. Sponsor a child: there are so many organizations that may assist in this process, and make sure you really read up on them first, but we loved sponsoring a child from a different country and helping out financially with their needs. Although the kids do not physically see the money reaching the child, seeing the child's face on the fridge served as a daily reminder to them of children that are much further away from us and the reality of the struggles that they face.

One of the most powerful things that I heard from our pastor was that we are all rich. Even those that make minimum wage here are much better off than the majority of others around the world. We see that in our daily news. We hear about it through social media. And yet, too often, we come up with excuses of why we just cannot afford it this time around. I've been there. I've come up with excuses of why not this time. But I've always quickly learned that giving has never made me poor, made me lose anything important in my life, or put me in a bad situation. In fact, it's done the complete opposite.

Watch this video to learn about the Chain of Betters project.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Shopping Online Made Easy

2015-11-12T21:03:00.001-05:00

Holidays are a special time in our lives. It's a time to rejoice, a time to get together, a time to reminisce and share laughter and memories with those closest to us—our friends, family, and neighbors. Creating these memories for my children is especially important to us. Matching family pajamas, chocolate milk with a breakfast casserole, and Christmas music playing in the background as we gather around the tree and rip through the presents on Christmas morning. The gifts that I put so much thought and love into.

I am an avid online shopper. I shop throughout the year for the best deals around, and I makes lists for my family members based on their interests. Every "like" and "want" turns into a Christmas list idea, and I giggle like a school girl when I know that I have nailed a present.

Shopping doesn't have to be complicated. It certainly can be lots of fun, and I shared my shopping tips for the Best Family Gifts for the entire Family to Use here. Check it out!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Before you shop online, stop and read this. Now!

2015-11-12T09:55:00.003-05:00

Add caption

Yes. Your eyes aren't lying to you. That is $500 of free money. No gimmicks. FREE. And? That was just the first check I had received in 2013. Since then, I have made over $2,000 more total. My highest check in a 3 month period was 900. So.... your must be thinking....

What is it?

It's a shopping website. How it works? You search for the place that that you want to shop at {for instance lowes, target, wal-mart, ebay, etc} and then it directs you to that site. For every purchase you make, it then gives you a percentage back. And?

By signing up and spending your first $25 linked through their website, you get a free $10 gift card to the place of your choice {I picked Target}.

Then? Refer your family and friends and get even MORE money back. For instance, they are running a promotion where you get $100 for referring 3 people. Surely you know 3 people that love to shop online.

Did I mention that it's free money? You're shopping anyway. You're going to spend that money anyway. Why not earn money back doing so? I never checkout on a website until I have first gone to Ebates, searched the store, and then clicked from there so that they are able to give me cash back!

An 8 Year Old Charged with Murder. That's a crime in itself.

2015-11-11T18:17:00.000-05:00

There are very few things that I like about Facebook. The only reason I haven't deleted it is because I use it for my business page. I use it for my blogging promotions. And from time to time, I use it to check in on someone from a distance. Well, people tend to call that stalking.

Regardless, I really don't enjoy Facebook anymore.

Part of that reason is because people post ridiculous stories. Constantly over-sharing things that are unnecessary, including mounds and mounds of sad stories, videos of people popping over-sized pimples, and celebrity gossip that really doesn't pertain to anything relevant in the world.

But there was a story that popped up on my feed today {more like 30 minutes go} that I just couldn't get out of my head. For many reason.

For one, I cannot wrap my senses around why in the world any mother {yet alone two} would leave 5 children between the ages of 1-8 home alone by themselves. My first thought is: fire! Fire! What in the world would those children do in case of a fire. My second though is injury. What if one got out of bed and fell down the stairs. What if they went outside looking for mommy and got hit by a car, or went in the river. Even the simple thought of them being scared knowing that they could not find their loved one is bad enough. My next though is how could you possibly even enjoy yourself knowing your children are left alone with all these awful scenarios that could possibly occur.

But to hear that an 8 year old's actions led to the death of a 1 year old was by far the most damaging title of all. To think of all the children that were scarred by this tragic event. To imagine that all of this could have been prevented had the mothers thought of their children versus their selfish desires.

It's what I read further that took my breath away.

Trial. Murder. Don't "think" he will be tried as an adult. Heinous. Evil.

This is a child we are talking about. What we are doing is saying that he is capable of making adult decisions in the middle of a late night, alone, with a crying baby. Whether or not we believe he knows the magnitude of his actions, doesn't change the fact that this is still a child and one that needs our help and love and support more than ever before.

But instead, we are willing to label him, to judge him, to push hatred on him because a terrible thing happened. A very terrible, tragic, thing. Yes, his hands caused them. But what was inside his head is what matters. What sort of environment has he been brought up in. What has he been exposed to. What sort of love and guidance did he receive in his short 8 years of life.

Why are we, as a society, willing to ruin his entire life already. He is 8. He is a child. He still sounds like a child, is built like a child, and thinks like a child.

To think of this child surrounded by police officers. To think of him having to deal with lawyers, judges, and other authority figures. To think of the labels that this child will have to carry with him for the rest of his life. To think of the looks of disgust, the words of hate that he will constantly hear. To think of him being so isolated now. To think of him crying for his mother.

It breaks my heart and makes me angry.

This isn't justice. This doesn't bring the young girl back. This doesn't change what has already happened. We have the opportunity to save a life here, one that is tragically hurting bad right now, and instead we dig the hole a little deeper. So deep that one day he won't be able to climb out of it.

Punishment is not the solution to this. Not even close. One life is already lost because of this tragic event, and our society is ready to ruin another one along the way.

All because of a decision that two grown adults made.

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

2015-11-10T13:58:00.001-05:00

** I was provided an opportunity to review cards by Minted.com, however all opinions are that of my own.

Pictures.

They are important to me. Very important to me. Pictures, to me, tell a story. They bring back memories, emotions, events, and milestones in our lives. They are not only for us, the parents, but also for our children, and grandchildren down the road. A way for them to look back, put the pieces of their history together, and most importantly to carry on the memory of those that are no longer with us.

Pictures are sacred.

It's the thing that people run after if there was a fire.
It's a way for people to show off those they love most.
It's a memory of something, or someone.
It's a piece of our past to hold on to.

Therefore, it should be of no surprise to anyone to know that I have tens of thousands of pictures printed. Books of every year of our lives. Canvases blown up of our three children when they were born. Many frames across our stairway wall showcasing this years growth and milestones. And two computers that have warned me on more than one occasion that it is going to blow up if I don't find a new storage area for all these images.

So when it comes to holiday cards, I think they are important. I love sending them in the mail, and I love even more receiving them in the mail. I love to see those we love the most with their families, and how they have grown over the past year.

We did our fall pictures early in October with the birth of our newest family member, Polina, so I was on it this year and had our Christmas cards printed immediately after our pictures were taken, ordered, and on my doorstep within a week. Minted has always been the most reliable company to work with, and I am so glad I had the opportunity to use this company that not only offers quick service, but great quality of cards as well. My biggest struggle was just pinning down which design I wanted, and all the details that I wanted included. They even offered to address all my envelopes for me, for free! There's an option for foil press, letter-press, to write a message on the back, there's an option to change the shape of your card, to have a colorful envelope, and more!

Kind of like that commercial where they say "there's an app for that" well there's a design for that is what I said whenever I was maneuvering through the Minted website!

They are finally ready to be placed in envelopes and sent out to our loved ones.

Smile with your eyes, be gentle with your hands, and hold love for many in your hearts.

2015-10-23T09:03:00.004-04:00

Busy.

It's the season of life that we are in. That most are in when they become parents. And then they add another child. Or another sport. They add another family tradition. And then maybe yet another child. They add family-teacher conferences, play dates, birthday parties, and soccer games. And maybe even another child. And before you know it, busy all of a sudden takes on a whole new meaning.

Days are forgotten. Birthdays are almost missed. Multi-tasking becomes a sport. And juggling is simply an expectation.

For us, having just had our third baby, life definitely hasn't slowed down. I've written down their milestones. I've written them birthday letters. I've taken more pictures than should be legal. I have turned those images into albums throughout the years. I've videotaped their first steps, Birthday mornings, their impromptu singing, and family vacations. And yet I'm worried. I worry I will forget that feeling I felt when they first giggled, said "I lub you", the way they looked at me, the way they squealed when they opened their first present, the way their eyes get big at the sight of a donut, the way they climb that one broken cabinet drawer that is barely holding on, the way they can play pirates for hours on end, the way Graham sings so loud that I swear the neighbors can hear, and the way they beg and plead "just one more," for just about anything and everything. Just the way that they are. Each one of them. Unique, special, and perfect in their own way.

I worry. I worry I will somehow forget it all. The noise, the faces, the moments.

Forget their smells, their voices, their tiny toes, sweet soft cheeks, the smell of the outdoors, the way they argue over the silliest mundane things {like who's going to kiss the baby first}, the way they say words incorrectly, and the way they think that their mama and papa are the greatest things on Earth {most days}.

And the baby. Oh the baby. The smell. The soft hair. The need and ultimate desire to be loved and held all hours of the day. The coos. The sleepy smiles. The warmth on her cheeks after a feeding. The way she fits so perfectly in my arms.

As I sit here doing two things I haven't done in a long time {drink a cup of coffee and sit at the breakfast table blogging in the moment}, I can't help but look around at me. Capture a mental note of everything around me. Smile at the commotion. And shed a few tears for not understanding this whole motherhood thing and what it's all about many days.

I remember, I understand, but somehow I get lost in those moments and then forget.

It's not about them being perfect, using their manners all the time, having patience, listening, or learning how to share. Somehow we put so much importance on those things {and they are very important} that we forget to just let them be kids, and most importantly to be human.

To make mistakes, to get angry, to want things for themselves, to be selfish, to ignore the requests {which sound like demands}, and to just sit around and watch TV gosh darn it from time to time. Isn't that how we as adults feel at times? Don't we have moments where we want to be lazy, write off the entire universe, and just be left alone.

Aren't they allowed to feel the same?

I never want to get lost in the ideals of raising children. I never want to put the wrong importance on things that will just happen. I want to focus on the good, the happiness, and most of all I want to let them be children.

I want to teach them grace and patience. I want to teach them that kindness is more important than grades, what kind of job you have, or the money in your wallet. I want to teach them to always help those that need our help the most; the poor, the young, the elderly, and the sick and the pained.

I want them to cherish their family. To stick up for one another, to teach each other, to never lose sight of the importance of those that share your blood, name, or house that you live in. And to make time for one another.

I want them to know it's okay to make a mistake. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to not think about others but yourself at times, and that this is something that we all struggle with at moments in our lives. It's the one quality that every human on Earth shares; Imperfection.

I want to teach them to value life. To not take a single day for granted. To understand that anything can change in a second, and that we should forever be grateful. For our health. For our loved ones. For having the opportunity to wake up every morning. For our legs that help us walk, and our arms that allow us to embrace our friends. For our voices that give us the opportunity to speak, and for our ears that allow us to listen and learn.

So enjoy life. Enjoy your family and friends. Enjoy that ice cream before dinner {which sometimes turn into dinner}, enjoy the TV marathon, the book you can't put down, the smell of fall and the way the sun feels on your skin. Enjoy laughing none stop to farting noises, dancing with everything you've got, and feeling what love is truly all about. Even when it hurts at times.

Children, I want you to know that I cherish you. I adore you for who you are. I never want you to be anything but you. I hope that you forever know how loved you are, how appreciated you are, and how important you are to this world that we live in. You don't have to win the Noble peace prize, become the doctor who cures all of cancer, or have millions in the bank account.

All I ever want, for each one of you, is to smile with your eyes, be gentle with your hands, and to hold love for many in your hearts.

If I can just accomplish that as a mother, then I know that I have done something right by you.

1 Month Polina

2015-10-20T23:26:00.000-04:00

I'm already a week late in posting this, but I wasn't going to let this month go by without writing down every detail. I don't want the year to fly by in a way that I know it will. I want to be able to write down all of her milestones as I did with the other two. I want her to always have something to look back on and read, and remember how very loved she is by her family.

Polina,

I wish there was a better way to bottle up this time with you than just words. I wish I could put the emotions and feelings of it all so that I don't ever forget it.

The way you lay on my chest for hours on end. The way your body goes limp, and all I can hear and feel is your breathing. The way I know that it is the best sleep you have ever gotten. Your safe haven. The beating of my heart, and the place she feels most at home. The way there is no where else I would rather be.

The way your scrawny little legs have started turning to soft little mushy of chubby rolls. The cheeks that have plumped up, and are the sweetest to kiss right after a feeding. Rosy and warm to the touch.

The way you stretch your arms up in the air, fists clenched together, head sprawled back, and lips puckered out.

The way your hair feels as soft as silk. Long and dark, leaving me wondering if they will turn blonde like your older sissy's.

The way she you are my tiniest baby thus far.

The way you smile in your sleep, and makes me want to wake you, squeeze you, and kiss you all over.

The way your brother and sister literally fight over you. They kiss on you all hours of the day, sing sweet songs to her {mainly twinkle twinkle little star}, and want to take turns holding you. They tell you all the things that you will be doing when you're older, and I just know they will guide you every step of the way.

The way your daddy doesn't even know how wrapped around your finger he really is. If I was a betting woman, I would bet that you will be his little baby princess.

The way your mama just cannot imagine how any more perfect you could possibly be. How you have fit so wonderfully into our family. How you make life with 3 seem like a breeze, and I couldn't thank you enough for that.

You're about 8.5 pounds now {if I had to guess, and based on a rough estimate from the home scale}, and I am so so proud that you are chunking up. You breastfeed exclusively, and just about all the time when you are awake. The milk quickly puts you to sleep, and you continue to sleep for most of the hours of the day and night. You have periods of being awake in the morning for a couple hours, and then at night.

You wear newborn and 0-3 month clothes and are in newborn diapers. We will be transitioning to size 1, and then eventually to cloth diapers {although papa says otherwise}.

Your head is getting so strong, and I'm amazed of how well you can hold it. We do "tummy time" but that mainly consists of the time you spend on my chest. Which is all day.

Twinkle Twinkle little star is the tune you hear the most, and it usually comes from the mouths of two little toddlers known as your brother and sister.

You're the greatest thing to ever happen to our family, and we are so excited to watch you grow, learn, and prosper!

How the 3 deliveries were different, the same, and unique in their own way.

2015-10-14T18:03:00.001-04:00

One of the things that I loved to do the most when I was pregnant with my first, is read all about labor and deliveries. Of course it is something that I still enjoy to do, but unfortunately, do not have the time that I had when I was first pregnant.

I also remember jotting down notes after Graham was born on how my first two deliveries were the same, different, and unique. I want to be able to do the same with Polina's birth, even if it sounds like a complete snooze. Let's just say this post is for the memory books.

Born

1st: 39 weeks 1 day: November 8th, 2010 in the a.m.
2nd: 38 weeks: December 26th, 2012 in the afternoon.
3rd: 37 weeks 3 days: September 15th, 2015 in the a.m.

Weight

1st: 6lbs 15 oz
2nd: 7 lbs 11 oz
3rd: 6lbs 15 oz

the girls were exactly the same weight, even though their gestation age was nearly 2 weeks apart.

Length

1st: 20 inches
2nd: 21 inches
3rd: 19.5 inches

Water Breaking

1st: At the hospital, spontaneous; large POP and gush
2nd: At the hospital, by the physician, and just a slow quiet gush
3rd: At home, very VERY small trickle

Total Labor Length

1st: approximate 3.5 hours
2nd: approximate 4.5 hours
3rd: approximate 5 hours

Labor

1st: Went in after work because of contractions throughout the day {inconsistent} and thought my water had broken. My blood pressure was high in triage, and since I was 39 weeks and already 3cm dilated, they decided to go ahead and keep me and induce labor {didn't matter, once my water broke, all went crazy from there}.

2nd: Was at work, 10 hours into my shift, with contractions {again inconsistent} and lots of pressure. The girls are work decided to call security to send me across the street to the women's hospital to get checked out. Although I was not in labor at the time, because I was already 4cm and because my previous delivery was very quick and there was a huge snow storm, they decided to keep me break my waters hoping to stimulate labor {it did!}.

3rd: Was at home, woke up to a small "gush" and then immediately contractions began and escalated from there--was by far my most painful and real experience of what labor truly felt like. Upon arriving to triage, it was determined that I was in real labor, and that my membranes had in fact ruptured. I delivered a couple hours later.

Pain/Epidural

1st: Right after the epidural was placed, I felt intense pressure and the nurse then discovered that I was fully dilated. I was able to feel all my contractions and push on my own, but there was definite pain relief!

2nd: I was offered the epidural prior to my water breaking in hopes of avoiding pain, and somehow {even though I wanted to wait}, I went with it and agreed. I ended up not feeling a thing, being numb from the waist down, and hating every second of it. I went into a full blown anxiety attack, although I knew that this was all completely normal, and asked the anesthesiologist to come back to lower my dose. We had a little bit of a disagreement at first, but then he reluctantly did what I asked, and I proceeded to feel many of my contractions and was able to push on my own as well.

3rd: I wanted to wait. I wanted no epidural if I could. I think I could have done it had I waited maybe 30 more minutes at home. Instead, I got hit with the hardest of contractions at the hospital and finally gave up. I think at this point I had probably already dilated to an 8 or 9, but because I didn't know where I was at, I just gave in to it. I didn't feel relief right away and I felt two more painful contractions and thought surely I was going to die right there and then {dramatic much?!}, until the doctor gave me a little boost and it was perfection all over again. I had the epidural on for only an hour before I asked for it to be turned down {they decided instead to turn it off completely}, so that I could feel when I was pushing.

Pushing

1st: I think it was 15 minutes {in between them setting up}, and about 4-5 contractions that I pushed through.
2nd: Out after 2-3 contractions {5 minutes}.
3rd: 1 contraction {3 total pushes}, out.

People In Room

With the 1st, I had everyone in the room that you could think of {I think there were 8 total}. All women of course. With the other two? Just me and Andrew.

Recovery

I had a 1st degree tear with my first, and none with the following two. I had great recoveries with all three, and was up and moving within hours after birth.

Breastfeeding

All three babies latched on right away and had no issues breastfeeding from there on out. Never had to supplement with formula.

How the kids reacted

Obviously with my 1st, there were no other kids.

With my second, Graham, Elli was overjoyed and excited. She was intrigued by the baby at he hospital, but only for a minute. There were no tantrums of any sort, but she did have trouble sleeping in the first two months.

With my third, Polina, of course my oldest at this point is MORE than overjoyed. She is VERY intrigued. She always wants to help, and she always wants to be around. As for my second child, definitely no tantrums or jealousy like I expected, and has surprised us so much by his excitement and love for his little sister. He can't walk past her without wanting to kiss her, and is so gentle and kind. And definitely understands when I need to tend to her.

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I can't believe that this may have possibly been my last labor and delivery. To think that I may never do this amazing experience again just saddens me, and I don't even want to think about it. At the same time, I have to just say that I am so thankful that I have had three healthy deliveries, and I choose to focus on that. Thank you God for this gift, and thank you to my husband for being the strongest rock by my side.

The Importance of Life Insurance

2015-10-01T20:43:00.001-04:00

I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog, and it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine, but I also know that life insurance is a topic that we, as mothers and wives, need to bring more awareness and discussion to the table.

So first, why is it that young people dislike talking about this?

Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 29 year old, talking about this today? Because I am wife and a mother, because we have debt, and because I have seen too many sad stories that leave families not only without a family member, but also without a means of paying off bills.

I am surrounded by both life and death where I work as a critical care nurse. Illnesses and tragedies do not only effect the old. Not only do I see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years, and then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can surprise at any age, any day, any moment in time.

I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work, which fortunately for us, a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised, and very impressed, that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.

When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

So here is where I challenge you to ask yourself if life insurance, or any other voluntary insurance policy is right for you and your family. With open enrollment around the corner for many businesses out there, it is important to sit down and have this important discussion with those that you love, check out what your company has to offer, and start thinking about the future.

I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog. I know that it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine. But what I also know is that life insurance is a word that the young seem to steer away from, and unfortunately a topic that needs more awareness and exposure.

Why do young people not like to talk about it? Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 26 year old, talking about this today? Because I'm a mama now. Well, I've been one for quite some time. Not to mention that I am a wife. And also the fact that I am surrounded by both life and death where I work. Because I not only see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years. And then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can strike at any age, any time.

I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work which fortunately for us a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised/impressed that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.

When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

My husband and children are the most important people in my life. I hope I live to see my daughter's children be born. To watch my grandchildren graduate college. To travel and see the world. I hope I live to see the day my husband gets gray hair, is in need of a hip replacement, and needs a pill box to organize all his medicine. My hopes and dreams all revolve around my family, their health and security, and their future. And if a day comes that I won't be here to be a part of all these important milestones in their lives? My hope is that they will still be able to carry on those dreams of theirs with absolutely nothing holding them back - See more at: http://frommrstomama.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-life-insurance-movement.html#sthash.0IIRJhCf.dpuf

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.