From Out of the Wood

When the whip Comes down *

2013-03-27T00:18:00.002-07:00

Time to report in again as I want to discipline myself re this writing thing, even it is just an occasional "woe is me, alas and alack!!"
I've been living in the San Francisco Bay Area for longer than I can remember. There are those who know me who will laugh uproariously and say: "you never remember anything!" Ha. Ha. Get off my back, you little punks! I've got a trained attack cat; she admittedly is too sleepy to take the job seriously. But she's here and helps keep me cheerful, which is a really good thing for a person with a basketful of brain disorders and not enough money to go around.

God, why me? Eternal answer: Why not? Somebody's gotta do it. Somebody's got to "cheerfully" pick up the mantle of the deranged and wear it for a lifetime, leaving the others in one's life in a state of confusion, annoyance, fear and irritation. The qualities that one exhibits unconsciously can leave one's child or children, as well as one's partner, damaged for life. Or, the worst that can happen will happen: they will go, and all those voices in your gut all those years that said: "you don't love me" will have been true. We fail to see our own responsibility in that little dance.

The problem with that, from a selfish point of view, is that after a while people get tired of you and want to be around more cheerful people. Then the "shame cycle" sets in, the worthlessness, the feeling of being a burden, and the incredible desire to slip this mortal coil.

There's not necessarily any sympathy in the circle of one's friends for all of this. First of all, in so many cases (such as my own) the diagnosis comes rather late in life in terms of raw suffering. Second, when my doctor, the late, esteemed Dr. Peter Forsham of the University of California in San Francisco, gave me his first diagnosis, it horrified me so much I eventually threw it away and unfortunately don't recall what it contained.

Denial in cases of mental illness is a common thing, as VERY FEW of us would choose a lifetime struggle with the demons in one's brain -- who would? When I saw the doctor again, he presented me with a diagnosis "for the layman" which I didn't really understand at the time. The simple diagnosis was "familial bipolar disorder with occasional psychotic breaks."

"Aha! (loose quotation!) thought I -- "at least it's nothing serious like manic depression!" As many of you know, manic depression is precisely what it was, and the meds they had in the late 80 's were not much good for depressed, suicidal me. As a mom, I had to be responsible for my babies at a certain point on my own, having divorced their father at an age when those tender little beings could not understand what was happening, obviously even less than I did.

At that point I had NO comprehension of what a "psychotic break" was, and I'm still not sure that I do. I've had times of "counter-irritation" -- banging one's head against a wall to make the interior pain go away -- actions like that are certainly not normal, and hard on the head and wall as well. Not to be recommended. I have since found out that I also am plagued with "Borderline Personality Disorder" -- a condition that tends to drive people away from one's circle, as the afflicted run hot and cold.

I don't know if my relationship with my children's father would have held up if I had been "normal", but a lot of other things might have. I've made so many bad choices that I have literally gone from relatively very well off into the land of Food Stamps, Medi-Cal, free psychiatric help and other benefits. When I was well off, I NEVER could have afforded a $550/hour psychiatrist. Zowie, the incredible benefits of landing on the wrong side of a huge, brutal National financial crisis. Yep, you betcha. I can "afford" a remarkably kind doctor who actually seems to like me, and oh yes, it matters.

I have very little ability to concentrate, but concentrate I must as I go off to apply for food stamps online, which terrifies me for some reason. I got thrown out of the "Hope Team" they'd called together in nearby Marin for people with severe brain disorders because I am 20 miles away from the county line, and I have, as a result, not gotten it all together. I can not concentrate.

I tell these tales and reveal these wounds so that others of our tribe will know they are not alone. Someday perhaps my story will be brighter.

May the sun shine upon you. May all those wounded find peace,

Julie

* Tip o' the hat to the Rolling Stones ...

\\

Post Short Sale

2013-02-24T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well, hello strangers -- what a looong strange trip it definitely has been. Since I've last seen you, the ax has fallen, the guillotine too, and every other symbol of a sudden violent ending of one life. There is renewal available, I hear, and deep and real happiness. Or so I've been told. I've been writing the occasional, actual article over at www.allvoices.com/users/juliebryant, so come on over and see me.

However, I've found that I need someplace wherein to mumble and groan just a bit, for the times they are a changing, and I don't much like what I see. I need a place for informality,where it is understood that if I use all CAPS it really DOES mean I am shouting. I get angry these days, and must find some way of expressing that! In the world of "real" journalism that sort of thing matters, but in my own special world I shall do as I please.

Paradox, pair o' ducks, what difference does it make? Sooo I think I'm coming back to the Wood (this blog) though I've been kicked out of it by the Bank. "It furthers one to cross the Great Water" (I Ching) and I think it furthers one to cross the small water too. And so we have.

In the new American tradition of robbing the poor to prop up the rich, my family has been taken advantage of, and 2 people with a basketful of flaming mental illnesses burgled. "America, America, God Sheds His Grace on Thee, and Crowns Thy Good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea."

Yes, indeedy. Then why do the ranks of our people swell with toothless, decaying, poor folk who suddenly don't have a chance? I've unexpectedly joined them, and it is something else. If we want to buy anything, we have to think about it. 2 phones? Impossible. Movies? No. A new computer to replace this poor thing I've banged to death? Nope. Well. Sadly I know there are so many worse off than me. I've seen so many teenagers homeless in freezing weather, bundled against the cold, walking through the nights in packs together. Aieeee, America, what have you done to your children?

I've been wanting to chat over here since I started Allvoices, so here I come, beginning with a muted hello, as the cats and husband have collapsed into sleepy land, and they are luring me too; it is literally impossible to resist.

Lots o' love,

Julie Bryant

http://www.allvoices.com/users/juliebryant

Mama Needs a Lawyer (That's ME, folks)

2012-08-07T15:50:00.003-07:00

Okay, my dears, it has come to this: the modern day version of the East Indian "begging" bowl. One of those "when bad things happen to good people"moments. I have put this day off for so long, but I have discovered that I am indeed alone, with few resources. Some of what has occurred to me was the result of faulty brain chemistry and an inflated sense of my own worth. Another part in my financial ruin and potential homelessness was the big real estate crash of 2007, and the part I wasn't looking out for had to do with the betrayal -- a few hundred thousand dollars worth -- by a close relative I'd loved and trusted his whole life.

He's doing quite well for himself, but I'd like my money back. Quite simply put -- you don't take money from older, mentally ill aunts and leave them to lose their homes and sanity, to be without heat for for years.I'm pretty frightened, and it's hard to beg. Many of my friends are in the same position as I am. Our government betrays us -- why should we be surprised when kinfolk do?

And this "begging" thing -- watch and wait, because this is not going to stop. America thinks it as rich; but ask her people. If a country has thousands and thousands of persons like me facing foreclosure, with 28 years of stuff to sort through and a head as empty as a trout -- what is to become of us? A tent somewhere in the hills back of the cul-de-sac, or perhaps in the middle of one?

I'm sorry to be so raw, but this is were it's at. Trying for strength as the world roils and boils around me and those others adrift in our land.

The Quiet Suffering of Americans

2012-07-25T18:56:00.005-07:00

I see Tax Games are afoot in the Senate and the House again. The Senate today passed the Middle Class Tax Cut, hopelessly knowing the House will veto it. I have NEVER imagined a Congress that could be so arrogant relative to the needs/lives of their people.

The middle class is bearing the burdens of the policies of the 'unfunded wars' of the last ten years, and also those shiny tax cuts. We did not want these wars and they have helped bring this country to its knees. There are vast numbers of people suffering quietly, feeling ashamed to be hungry, in denial about their financial condition, poor, and wondering how everything changed.

If you wish to read the rest of this article, please follow this link AllVoices.com ... the reason for this is that the site invited me to submit this piece for their "American Pundit" contest, and one of the rules is that the article not be found in its' entirety anywhere else. So please follow on over -- it's a great space and I will operate at both locations. As soon as I can figure out how to link to my site on AllVoices! UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

Usually I will be found at both places, as I love my little blog.

Thanks, Julie

Hey!! Hey!! Come on over and see the rest of this AWARD WINNING ARTICLE! WHOOP!! on Allvoices.com ...THIS article won $250 and 1st prize at the fantastic Allvoices.com ...

Allvoices is a wonderful reading space for online journalism re all things international -- all things, period!! Drop on by and read the rest, and come see me there with my little honor!!!

Mean Mitt Romney

2012-05-21T15:29:00.001-07:00

It seems that I respond most urgently when something arises in America the Beautiful that I fear, dislike, worry about and am suspicious of. And oh Mitt Romney, I grow weary of you. I tire of your imperial stylings and superior ways.

We have looked for clues in your facade, and now there are plenty. Today I'd say we have hard evidence of what has been more clear daily -- it's why nobody EVER liked him. He hides behind his tight little smile and the suits. He is the ultimate Robo-Suit, our Mitt. And Mitt Romney is mean.

Have you noticed how he goes OFF when anyone dares query him? I've witnessed him lash out at reporters frequently when he doesn't like the question. I don't like him. I don't like his smirk, his pretense at a smile, the radiant angelic look he puts on. You can almost see his false freaking halo.

Despite his sometimes angelic, prep boy look, I have never seen him able to deal positively with a challenging question, no matter how cheerfully it's put, or how straight and upfront the questioner might be. He is condescension personified. He is sarcastic, nasty, and utterly abrasive. I don't think he can feel the pain of those he considers his inferiors, and to people of that sort we ALL are. Don't be fooled by this guy. There's nothing there there except the urge to dominate the Country. He's no healer.

Why does he want to be President? Well, power of course; I think that's a given for all of them. That particular urge is dominant in just a relatively few men. They don't have to be good, scrupulous people, as I was always brainwashed to think they were. Mitt Romney is first and foremost a man of business, rather like Ebeneezer Scrooge. People who favor business as an occupation tend to nurture their treasure chest rather than the people who work for them. "Greed is good," right?

He is waaay too much like old Scrooge! He is a Master Surgeon of Business, who will NEVER feel anything but satisfaction as he practices his dark art to destroy Government, to mess with the rights of the infirm, sick, elderly -- the vulnerable, impoverished people of America. He will gleefully balance the budget on the back of the poor, as is often said. He will starve Government to death, ignoring the fact that GOVERNMENT JOBS ARE JOBS!! I ask you, what is wrong with these people? What kind of human being consciously destroys aid for the "surplus population" and smiles when he does it?

He is a "severe" practitioner of Surgical Business! Beware, all ye who are the disabled, the mentally ill and those given a body that is not um of the fair, firm and white variety. He will cut us to the bone, slicing off what he sees as the rotten flesh (weak people; bad debt) and separating it (US) from the Body instead of allowing the healing of the Body as a whole.

That's his way. He doesn't care, he can't see beyond his world, he feels superior to everyone not in his little universe. His world is private, double veiled by the secret, arcane world of his church and his position as one of the richest men in America.

He's like a pre-enlightened Siddhartha, a prince of Ancient India who had never been allowed to leave his palace for fear he be affected by the poverty, decay and wretchedness of common people. Before he left his palace he was merely a spoiled princeling who had no idea what the world was really like. When he insisted upon leaving the safety of his home, he saw all the sickness, poverty, hunger, suffering and death in the world outside his luxurious and cloistered court. In that place all signs of suffering were kept from him, so seeing the world outside was a massive shock. He experienced a great Enlightenment.

In another story that begins similarly, the rich man never leaves his palace, is a spoiled "gentleman" and the Master of all who surround him. He doesn't truly serve his people but exploits them. He has no enlightenment experience as he is cosseted in his many mansions and never sees the poor. Perhaps he acts as a patron and public servant in the context of his own church, The Church of Latterday Saints, which is one of America's strangest forms of "Christianity". Most forms of Christianity sell "service" to their fellowship, but we do know is that he's no "public servant". For so many years he has concentrated on running for President and ruining people's lives at Bain Capital.

Nobody could ever mistake Mitt for a servant of anything -- every smirk, sneer and false smile tells you that. He looks at the People's Entitlements like a shark looks at a seal. Like a surgeon, he wants to get the job done, cut and sew up the body politic, discard the decayed rubbish and be off. Trouble is, that rubbish will be the ever weaker, undermined people of the United States, and that will include many of US. Is this what we really, truly want?

That's how he was at Bain and that is how he would be as a President. I could go on about Women, Gays and all of our minorities, but I think we all have a pretty clear idea of Mean Mitt Romney's feelings. He doesn't have any. He reminds me of a robotized being, an alien in a suit.

Oh! And then there was the Leadership he showed when he and his Prep School Posse attacked a younger, weaker boy to the point where his screams and pleas for help were heard by others too afraid to jump in. This attack was called "savage" by many of the men who took part in it; all of them remembered the incident decades after it occurred. Only would-be "Fearless Leader" Romney didn't seem to recall the life-changing attack on that young man, nor any of the other "harmless pranks" he played. Nor does the would-be President have a care for the people whose lives he has trashed financially.

Way to go, Christian Soldier, way to go.

Tyler Perry and Racial Profiling

2012-05-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

I heard that Actor/Producer Tyler Perry was stopped by the police for absolutely NOTHING the other week and then saw him giving an interview about this encounter. My apologies to Mr. Perry, a most intelligent, accomplished, successful man. I am ashamed to have skin color in common with those violent meat-heads that stopped him.

I feel we're in big trouble, heading into Police State territory, and we'd better look sharp, all of us, and try to help our fellows. I know what it feels like to be frightened by the police, though on a minor basis. Once, while my companion and I were returning a rental vehicle at midnight, we were stopped by a single police-man. It was terrifying, and I felt his immediate presumption of "guilty until proven innocent." His tone was suspicious, harsh, and terrifying. It felt as though WE were being accosted by a criminal.

"Get OUT of the car. STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR." Next he had my boyfriend up against the vehicle while he patted him down.

The guy was a freaking dentist, for god's sake. But in that moment, I got it. I really, really got it.

My god what a country this is, that cops hired to protect us can be our worst enemies, and will stop harass, frighten ordinary human beings for no reason at all. As we have seen so frequently, even "pretend" cops can even harm or kill a person for no reason but skin color/just because they can. What if Mr. Perry hadn't been famous, but simply an ordinary (or not!) man of color? Things might've gone down much differently that night. Fortunately he KNEW that and put on the submissive ACT of another era. It's a damned good thing he's an actor.

Somehow I don't think he would have been stopped dressed up like "Madea" (hahahaha - forgive the joke, please!). This, to me, means it's the same stale macho white man stomping on the black man poison. That surely says a lot about how far we've come as a nation since the Civil War -- not very. Those same white old dinosaurs are calling or firing the shots -- literally these days.

Yes, it's great to have our first black President - I love our Prez and his family. He is trying so hard, and has been met with so much hatred, vitriol and threats of violence. I was astonished as Mitch (turtle-head) McConnell smirked while he stated that his one desire was to make sure that Mr. Obama would be a one term President. As we have noticed, the GOP HAS put all its intention on defaming, and derailing our President's vision. Most of us think racism has a lot to do with this.

If those ol' boys want to hold back one black man, they want to hold back all of them except for a few symbols, tokens that make them seem color-blind. As if. Sad to say, having our first black President has brought out the worst in the skinheads, neo-Nazis, survivalists and all the fringe elements of the right. Unfortunately they seem to be multiplying all too rapidly.

Before my mother died in 1994, saying she'd seen enough of where the world was heading, she told me she thought there would be another targeting of African Americans soon. Since our President was elected, it's as though the trolls, demons, orcs, creeps, zombies and all the evil that lurks in the heart of mankind has come once again to poison what we thought would become a far "more perfect union", as our President wrote.

I thought we were further along than this. To Mr. Perry, this sort of thing makes me ashamed of my race, although slimy cops perhaps are their own species. To my President - they have done everything to stop all the good you have tried to accomplish, while the POLICE STATE grows yearly, threatening us all.

To quote the Buffalo Springfield from a song written during a similar time in our history:

"For What It's Worth":

"There's somethin' happenin' here,
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Tellin' me I got to beware

I think we stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down

Bullying, Slut-Shaming, the Country and Me

2012-03-31T02:41:00.000-07:00

Recently I saw a poster of a subdued girl on a bus with a bunch of guys jeering at her. This image brought back everything I endured as a girl in a small town. Riding the bus to school was an agony as every boy on the bus -- or so it seemed -- harassed me. We lived in Merced, California, which was at the time a tiny town known as "The Gateway to Yosemite". The populace at that time was about 20 thousand, surrounded by ranches of all sorts, and many of those rich ranchers' sons remind me now of G.W. Bush.

I ruled the playground for the first several years of grade-school, but then I was forced to get glasses. My popularity vanished almost overnight. I was a smart, dorky girl for a period from 4th grade through 9th grade, when my mom got me contact lenses. Before this occurred, I'd learned that the shy and weak attract aggressors. As I grew more attractive the whole creepy thing just got worse. We lived on the outskirts of town, and I had about 1 1/2 miles to walk to school, a good part on a truck bearing roadway. Fun, huh?

Guys honked and whistled and shouted obscenities -- it was AWFUL. As I became much more willing to take a stand the violence surrounding me grew. Things were so much different then. Girls sat primly on the grass, forced to wear SKIRTS in the worst of weather. Seriously, it didn't matter how hard it was raining or how freaking cold it was - our legs had to be bare or we had to wear those primitive stockings and GIRDLES -- oh the horror!

For those who are too young to know what these atrocities are, look 'em up, the ghastly things. There were no comfortable leggings or tights for us. I doubt that anyone gave any thought to the girls and our comfort, and I remember the feeling of unfairness that my legs and I endured throughout my school years.

The boys, however, could of course wear pants and sprawl around as they pleased. I've always liked lying around, so it occurred to me one day to relax at lunchtime like the guys! Within minutes people were throwing tomatoes and other foods at me, and even some rocks. When I got up later I found a dead bird in my purse. My companion, an exchange student from Spain, was so furious he wanted to cause mayhem. How could this happen in the great America, he wondered.

These memories are coming up again, and there are a lot of them. The shaming didn't just come from the boys/men either. The dean of girls called me a "witch" in front of a few hundred people. My senior history teacher made inappropriate remarks about me when he caught me day-dreaming, intimating that I was day dreaming about last night's SEX. Oh please. If that isn't sexism, pure and simple, I don't know what is. "Slut-shaming" is its more "mature" and uglified self;

These few stories are a tiny fraction of that kind of behavior and its effect on my life, or on the lives of others who've had the same sort of experience. I have been sexually assaulted and experienced the kind of "slut-shaming" that is occurring once again in our land. This was years ago, and in some ways I do not think I am over it. I still automatically crosses the street when I see more than one man hanging out together on a sidewalk. I am still shy in ways that I think I ought not to be and a lot of this scarring originates from the YEARS of that kind of vicious sexism. I prefer now to live in a more isolated fashion.

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? Hell yes -- I am. Being chased down a country road near Sacramento by the ZODIAC KILLER didn't help. But that story is for another time,

I think -- yes, it seems that at this time our culture is even more severely degraded. The very real victims of a society gone wrong are its children. I look at the faces of the kids who've been scarred, at home or at school, and wonder what the hell is wrong with us, as individuals and as a country.

Limbaugh and the War on Women

2012-03-28T16:25:00.000-07:00

It seems as though Rush Limbaugh lingers like a bad dream in my subconscious, and the only way to exorcize him is by writing until he goes away. How can such a blubbery whale of venom and bloody self-righteousness be allowed to RULE the airwaves? Why is he always rubbing his body when he's being filmed doing his job? When he was demonizing Ms. Sandra Fluke he couldn't keep his hands off himself. Ick. There are many, many true gentleman in the Conservative movement, for example George Will and the late William F. Buckley, Jr. WHY is Limbaugh the de facto KING of the CONSERVATIVES, this man without any self-awareness at all? What does his lofty position in "society" really say about us AND the U.S. and OUR current values?

He'd most likely blame anybody but himself for being a boiling piss-pot of rage. This man has the gall to say the most toad-like remarks, words that pour like slimy polliwogs from his mouth. He blames women: bad mommy! eeevil Girl Scouts (huh? tiny-femi-Nazis in training??); his ex-wives, his house-cleaners -- ANY woman unfortunate enough to cross his path.

He stirs the cauldron of hate and seems to relish his role in the degradation of speech in this country. Yup, First Amendment rights for all, except for gays, minorities, the 'elites' - not a single person in the country has properly, logically defined this word "elite/s in any way. What have we got here: liberal elite, elite media, elite universities, newscasters, newspapers? How can you define a word when it is a 'one size fits all’ insult?

One comment on that point of view, and this is the matter of attacks upon Education -- particularly science and the matter of EVOLUTION and (mournful sigh) Devolution When (if ever) do we grasp what is happening on our home, this beautiful, beautiful earth, and stop with the name-calling already!

Anyone, I mean ANYONE who goes after GIRL SCOUTS is a blight upon the land (I was one -we sat around the campfire singing "Kum Ba Yah" with innocent hearts and hope for the future.) That man whose hatred of a gender extends to the tiniest of the species, or anyone who doesn't think like King Rush; gets sliced and diced faster than a carrot in a Cuisinart! WITCH! (or in Rush Terms, "itch-Bay", unt-cay, femi-Nazi, ad nauseam.)

Don't you just love the idea of that man poisoning the minds of the people of America? There are so many damned fine guys out there, and they are needed for a set of problems that have never beset the world before. We need to work in tandem, in harness together, or we might as well kiss our glorious country and its formerly heroic status in this world goodbye.

So can we get off the Trash Talk Train and get back to business?

Somehow I doubt that the Founding Fathers had Rush Limbaugh in mind when they envisioned an America in the future. Don't get me wrong -- free speech in a free society is essential, but there is a difference between writing an op-ed piece and turning the hoses and rubber bullets on innocent albeit annoyed protestors like the kids in Oakland at the Occupy protests. Oh, beauteous, bounteous America, you're looking like a police state instead of the Land o' the Free. Swell, just swell.

As many women have been observing lately, there is a giant conservative movement to keep us down on our knees, scrubbing the floors, and servicing our husbands/masters -- yes, serving them in all ways (see “Mad Men" - and yes, it really WAS like that). Now that we have shown what we CAN DO in the world and in the workplace many men are feeling just a wee tad frustrated by our intellect, capacities and ability to perform as well as a man. Now we have the incentive of equal pay for equal work; thank you Lily Ledbetter and the Prez. Just keep keeping the word "obey" out of those wedding ceremonies!!

My god I never thought I would see our country go Retro so fast, ever ever. But I have noticed that when there is a time of great Change people become fearful. When people are fearful, they tend to suppress those that are smaller and weaker -- i.e. women and children, gays and minorities. Close your eyes if you will, but the signs of this Change - migrations of populations, extinction of species and the geographical changes of the earth in general are all around us. I think the men are frozen in primeval terror and have turned their unwelcome attention to "fixing" and repressing women as opposed to fixing bridges, roads, medical care, and so forth.

Women have been dominated and suppressed like chattel for thousands of years. Yes, we have made some advances, but even those are in danger and I think we'd better stamp out this new but dangerous fire here and NOW. I thought politicians were supposed to -- govern? They are elected to do things like fix the roads and bridges - but from the moment of THE previous election most of them begin planning for re-election, jousting for power for tasks they don't do, and trying to interfere in the most private women's business, which is NO BUSINESS of men except within a family! If this sort of "Father Knows Best" "Leadership" from the GOP persists we're going to have some damned upset women in this country.

The commonplace but incredibly important tasks of running this country seem quite secondary to the current batch of Republican politicians. They are sooo busy making sure "the gals" are in their place, with wombs open for business non-stop. Endless Viagra for all, covered by insurance, and a job for the ladies for the next 20 or so years whether they want it or not. Rush Limbaugh (he of three wives and who knows how many affairs) decries the amount of sex all we sinful people out there are having as he's caught with a friend's Viagra. Well, Rush -- there will be less sex all right, and we monogamous couples will be NO exception, unless you fancy playing Russian roulette with the old "rhythm method". I did, and I have two lovely daughters to show for it! One was conceived during the first day of my cycle, the other during the last day. So much for that approach!

Once women understand that Viagra puts her in danger of her next pregnancy, how interested do you think they will be in keeping those fires hot within your relationship? And as for the guys -- I predict that new brothels will be doing a booming business with frustrated, attention needing (and deserving) husbands and eventually, there will be hell to pay as the formerly cheerful voting block of happy, independent women lose their freedom to their 8 children while her husband is enslaved to the modern version of the "company store" and a "more understanding" woman on the side.

I know JUST where this is going because we as a Nation founded by Puritans have done this before. We are obsessed with sex; we are ashamed of sex. We are so repulsed by it that our movies have been sexually suppressed by moguls for decades. The movies we allow our children to see are for the most part filled with unspeakable horror and violence, or repugnant swill of some sort.

At least the GOP candidates have been VERY clear about their philosophy: no Planned Parenthood, eventually, or as little contraception as possible, Viagra on demand, women enslaved -- but they played their hand so ruthlessly and quickly that hopefully we do NOT FORGET.

Marriage is for procreation, they say.

I mean come on! There are a lot of reasons for people who want sex not to marry -- loss of benefits, various legal issues, etc. Or simply, people marry for companionship, to pool resources, because they are lonely and don't want to be alone. For Example my 85 years + years old Granny married an 89 year old gentleman (a very innocent, young accountant for AL CAPONE in his junior years) for companionship.

Is there a Cookbook Plan out there for defining and legislating the morality of Senior Sexuality? Should they be allowed to marry at all? If marriage is for procreation, according to the staunch protestations of Newt, Rick and Willard -- should Seniors even be allowed to wed? Why? They can't procreate, so if that's the reason Gays can't marry, why should Seniors ... how does your philosophy stand up to that question? Quite simply, it can't.

The hypocrisy around the word "Life" is staggering, since the gang pushing us to change our ways doesn't want to provide for the "Life" it wishes to force upon our country. The world groans with an unsustainable population, while the medieval Pope insists that the population grow unchecked. I do not mean to offend, but it seems to me that many religions are stuck in the middle ages and do not have the flexibility to change their policies even about contraception. The priests prefer the rich, cloistered halls and cool chambers inhabited only by a world of men and hairless young boys. We were too blind to see.

Women, get yourselves elected -- there's only a few ways we're going to turn this around -- through the help of our men, at the voting booth, and by helping to shape the policy!! Plus, in the words of Graham Nash, "Teach Your Children Well".

Consider Rush Limbaugh and the shocking degree of ignorance he betrayed on the pill as contraception: his understanding is that you take a pill every time you want to have sex! That left me absolutely choking with laughter - what an idiot. And HE is the one teaching all this crap to all those people who soak up his "knowledge" on a daily basis. What horrifies me is that folks actually BELIEVE him. All those good men and women traveling through the states listening to BIG RADIO get their education every day.

We must educate all of our children about American and World history and the current political climate so that they can be informed voters as they mature. We and our children MUST somehow be protected/protect ourselves from this most vile, paternalistic form of hateful of government, which masquerades as the world's greatest Democracy. Maybe we still are, but our vaunted freedoms are slipping away, under attack by Right and Left.

Then there's that "SMALL GOVERNMENT" that the GOP wants to foist upon us -- as opposed to a Government that exists to SERVE its people. Any Government that assumes the radical power to "rape" a woman with a cylindrical tube is no small government, despite what the GOP says they desire. Don't believe them -- they want "kitchen slaves" again
.
How does that work for the rest of us - women, minorities, the poor - and our desire to be rocket scientists, physicists, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc.?

It doesn't.

I want my country and the hope and opportunity it represented, and still could. Really. It still could.

Professor Rush-Bo The Hutt and the Public Discourse

2012-03-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

It's time; it's more than time, to find a way to cleanse the public Airwaves. We suffer from tiresome pollution of the radio by obscene trash-talking shock jocks, and this has risen into a virulent flood as the elections near. As I am incurably naive I had thought - had hoped - that the chilling, graphic scenes of hatred would be absent from the 2012 elections - why I certainly don't know.

Education is a topic on the public consciousness these days. The President has asked everyone to try for at least another year of training after high school. There is so much opportunity and necessity to absorb other content than vicious political ads and diatribe. God I am sick of vulgar programming by vulgar people that have been allowed to, indeed been welcome to run amok on the radio, becoming the de facto Political Science professors of this country, forming people's viewpoints with poisonous bile.

It is a sobering thought, if you give it some attention, that people like Limbaugh and his ilk are busy educating people who spend hours a day in cars, trucks or home behind the range. These Americans, whose minds are perfectly active and hungry for education, are literally soaking up distorted, uglified politics as though these "facts' - were tried, tested and absolutely TRUE.

Are we aware that we are providing a very poor but effective type of "adult education" on the airwaves of the land? If we are aware of this, do we feel this sort of brain-food is appropriate for our ever less educated population? Who do you think is responsible for the fact that more of the South than EVER thinks the President is a Muslim/follower of Islam? Does the Free Speech Amendment guarantee this staggering manipulation of the public airwaves and of the public trust??

My god, Advertisers; there will be hell to pay if you let that noxious Pot of Bile continue to shame and demean the Daughters of America. We have heard and witnessed a 3 day assault on a young woman of obvious breeding and character! How would you feel if Sandra Fluke had been YOUR daughter?

I personally would have felt an intense pride in either of my daughters, both of whom are about the same age as Ms. Fluke, for standing up and speaking out in the glare of the public spotlight. I would also have felt, as I do now, a sense of utter, unmitigated rage at the verbal rape by Mr. Limbaugh of a woman of integrity.

He and his radio brethren have attacked women so often and consistently and we have become the perennial victims of the Airwaves. I doubt that many women enjoy his anti-female shtick this stuff even if they're identified with guys in some way. Those raised in extreme climates have to make do, and those women are TOUGH. A girl raised among 7 brothers will have a different perspective than an older daughter of a younger brother, or one sister among another three others. My point is that we are half the world's population, that we are the Mothers and the Grandmothers, the Lovers, the Sisters, the Comrades at Work.

We are coming into own as the Spiritual Counselors (except at places like the Vatican, where we count for nothing at all), the nurses, midwives, scholars and teachers -- and are because the "powers that be" are allowing it.

When we realize what an effect listening to this sicko belittle our contributions to our society - the "slut-shaming", we have to stop and know this:

WE have let him get away with it, and shame on us if we continue to submit ourselves to this sort of harassment and degradation. I mean, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM TALK ABOUT WOMEN without using the terms "Femi-Nazis", "itch-Bays” or unt-Cays?" I haven't, but I will confess that I cannot tolerate listening to him for more than a few moments.

I say it's time to get more creative and put something else on radio other than grumpy hate-fests and shock jocks. I've had midnight encounters with obscure, brilliant programming stuck where nobody hears it, whereas Rush is out there front and center, a hate-filled, bilious representative of "America the Beautiful".

There are so many people with positive points of view. My simple suggestion is that we put more cool, educational and stimulating programming out there to fill the vacuum that will occur if we can get rid of Limbaugh and his ilk, RIGHT OR LEFT. Let's get educational content on the airwaves, no more toxic, inflammatory crap. PLEASE!! We NEED it from any source we can find! Our school systems are degenerating; let's make use of the airwaves.

Oh, and in case I forgot to mention it, PLEASE STOP ADVERTISING WITH LIMBAUGH, FOREVER.

He hates women more than anyone, even minorities, and that probably has something to do with his known problems with ED. Google "Rush and Viagra" -- I don't want to go further!

Secret Watchers of Harmless Bloggers

2011-12-30T15:35:00.000-08:00

Hello to all and any, and a very Happy New Year to you!

As some of you know, I am greatly concerned with the tide of Conservatism suppressing women, gays and minorities in our country, blended with the militarization of our Homeland police and security forces occurring in the United States these days. We're setting ourselves up for a fascist state, and if you don't believe me remember the "papers please" law in Arizona, or the police attacks on Occupy Oakland and the horrific pepper spray attacks at Davis.

I received a little "security shock" of my own the other day. We amateur writers love to check our statistics with apps like "Statcounter" or "Sitemeter" -- these 'visitor counters' give us an idea of who is reading us -- if anybody!! I have been pleasantly surprised to find that in my year off far more people than I could have imagined found me.

Among them, and quite recently, was the AT&T Security Team from Washington D.C. These big boys spent about five minutes at my site. At another time they came checking in again.

I got a chill in my blood. Is this how it starts -- the tamping down of civil rights, the disintegration of the freedoms of ALL our people, despite our belief systems and our Constitutional right to free speech?

AT&T Security from Washington DC is keeping its eyes on me. This does not make me feel safe or secure, particularly since Dictatorships like China are locking up their liberal bloggers. We are a long way from that, I believe, but I'm starting to feel a tad bit uneasy.

Hoarders, Lunatics and Daughters

2011-12-30T15:09:00.000-08:00

I mentioned the other day that I had a "feeling" my younger daughter was closer than I thought she'd be, and sure enough, she surprised the hell out of me the other day by sauntering in the door one fine evening. She was in full retreat from the UK winter -- London post-riots and pre-winter was just too much for a California girl to bear.

I am lucky to be able to keep her for a while, for her response upon walking into our house was deep despair. Finally, after 10 years of being away most of the time, when she got a good look at the dear family home, a miserable combination of financial disaster, two physically/mentally disabled adults (one a hoarder dear god) -- she almost left right then and there.

But the woman who came home is a vastly different person than the girl who left. To my shock, this new (to me), fully responsible human came home and began to shovel out the Augean Stables. This is an ancient Grecian mythological reference to a stable that never could be cleaned, no matter how hard the person worked. So it would seem at my house after 27 years of raising children, becoming permanently spinally injured and then losing the money I had to pay a friend to clean house for us.

PLUS! My sweet Patrick is a true-to-life-watch-it-on-the-television-show Hoarder -- from "Hoarders" -- we are trying to change our lifestyles, and it is a difficult thing indeed. As someone who has taken the mighty plunge over Niagara Falls without a barrel financially lately -- had a home stolen by a bank and a relative as well -- my mind has disappeared in the process, and once things start to get away from you they don't fall back together very easily -- I feel like Humpty Dumpty. All the King's Men are here, trying to shove me and my mess together, but they cannot do it, man!

My daughter has been more and more annoyed as the depths of the chaos is revealed, and I cannot blame her. I think parents are supposed to be more adult than I've been able to be -- this brain thing has really gotten in my way, this bi polar disorder -- not to mention being crushed by the economy. My girl thinks I've also got Borderline personality disorder, and me -- besides feeling like a loser, I - I - "wish I had a river I could skate away on." (Joni Mitchell).

But one day at a time; we just paddle on one day at a time.

The GOP likes Women -- in Their Place!

2011-12-07T16:47:00.000-08:00

What gives you Political MEN the right -- the vaguest suggestion of an idea that YOU should have a single thing to say about the disposition of the body of any woman in this country? You have no right to touch any legislation that controls the physical well-being of the daughters of America.

Certainly we want your support in our desire for our health and ability to live lives unhindered by situations that place us at risk. But lately you have shown that you do not understand us. You wish to force us into lives of poverty by denying us Choice, the literal power to choose the size of the families we must forever support, no matter what our liabilities might be. For example, I raised 2 children with bipolar disorder -- undiagnosed at the time -- I did the very very best I could, only to hear the words "You didn't raise us; we raised ourselves!" thrown at me when conversations take a dark turn during the holiday season.

If I had been forced to bear the two other children that wanted a place in my body, my rational mind would have shattered more often and my ability to care for 4 would have been nil. I don't see that anyone outside of a person's intimate home and family should be able to control what happens in circumstances like mine -- when there's a mental illness that is exacerbated by the stress -- physical, mental, emotional -- of bearing children. Make no mistake -- having my babies was the best, happiest thing I have ever done -- but the angelic beings that love you without condition are temporary, and often-times replaced by those who have contempt for your weakness. It's a "pack" thing. We haven't evolved much.

It is clear that to refuse all women options that MEN disapprove of is neither rational nor in any way good for the future of the planet, human relationships, or the children born into circumstances where their cradle might be a bottom drawer in somebody's bedroom. Many of these "leaders" want to lead the little ladies all the way back into the kitchen, with motherhood the only option, and yet no good way of making it on a one person salary. What's up with this?

My mother always taught me to ask: who benefits? I hear the old Judeo-Christian desert God Yahweh bellowing through these fundamentalist Leaders of all sects, trying to get the women back into our tents again, under the stern control of men we don't even know. Guess what? That doesn't work for the 51%!! We women actually have the vote now -- though it took us longer than anyone else, and I don't think we're going to give the power we have achieved back. In fact many of us think we deserve more representation by our own gender.

I think these guys are motivated by the unconscious desire to put the genie back in the bottle, by dis-empowering us further, and it's disgusting. They aren't God and should stop pretending. It's literally repugnant to women, this paternalistic rule-making by the boys' club. If one stops, pay attention for a moment and takes a closer look at the faces our our representatives -- they are almost all male. Politics is, after all, quite the "blood sport" and a woman has to be tough as nails -- think of Secretary of State Clinton -- to survive the usual witch-hunts that occur when a woman is taken seriously.

But in order for we women to protect ourselves and our daughters/granddaughters, we MUST become more active politically! We must not simply glaze over, sit back and go limp as one by one our human rights, which have taken a few hundred YEARS to hammer out, are taken from us, with great glee, by those who should be our balanced and sane lawmakers. Get out and Rock the Vote!! If we want to see a change or thirty, we MUST act.

I personally am sick and tired of being told we are the weaker sex because our bodies are weaker. I was told early in life that women are less intelligent because -- oh get this -- our brains are smaller. Sigh. Like I said, Ladies -- let's get to work. We need US now!

Even if you did inhale!

For inspiration, and for my idea of the perfect female candidate, go check out Elizabeth Warren's speeches on YouTube. She is the ideal combination of brains, financial acumen, guts and pure awesomeness! Oh, and she's got serious communications chops; she is the Mother of all Orators! I hope she's the first woman president, now that Mrs. Clinton has said NO.

"Yahweh or No Way" -- or the Crackly Male Voices of the Old Desert Gods

2011-12-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

My partner and I, delicate types, have been on the cusp of the recession, which crushed us like a wave crashing, slamming into a surfer, having having a massive, devastating affect on everything about our lives from 2007 on. I have literally dropped off the cliff from relative wealth to indigence with poor health and no insurance. Having been stricken on all levels, I'm writing to rally myself! I am writing no matter what my audience might be as I cannot help myself.

The world is changing so very rapidly now, and so few people talk about the things I see. I might as well get it out there, else I will burst. There are things that want to be said, that must be said. Things are happening in this country so quickly -- union busters seek to rob from the poor while giving yet more in unnecessary indulgences to the rich -- like thieves in the night these jackals come to steal the raw soul of our country.

Although Mother Earth is poisoned, her creatures dying off by the hundreds and thousands -- we humans, stoked on by the crackly male voice of old desert Gods, resist limiting our species with sane methods like birth control. We prefer war, plagues, and pestilence and capital punishment -- or at least it seems that way to me.

I wish that it were easy to escape from Life when it got too hard, but we're not supposed to do that, I hear it said. I just sometimes wish there were a "game over" button when you just feel you've had enough heartache, disappointment, etc. But hey -- so far I still have my house and having just realized I've had a huge amount of money taken from me, I have hopes of keeping it. I know so many of you are in the same position, and it hurts to know that.

We're working two Farmers' Markets a week now, and the people there are worried as hell. It's Christmas time and sales are slow, even in Sausalito CA today. It's my belief that we're in a depression, no matter what the Pols (as opposed to "polls"; poles; or )say. I keep reading about more jobs being shipped overseas by the Greedheads, while the GOP tries to decimate government jobs. On what planet does this make sense?? In what way does the elimination of jobs serve to create jobs??

Someone -- enlighten me, please! In the meantime, why doesn't anyone care that Mr. John Boehner, a politician that GOP TV personality Morning Joe Scarborough called a "lazy drunk", got to be SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE??? No wonder all he can slur is Noooooo.

And this man's stated goal for all Americans, whether WE (meaning me too, because cold and hunger are now appearing at this house) want it or not, is to make President Obama a one-term President. I was born in a very minimalist shack on the outskirts of old Gold Rush County. On my birth certificate my dad was listed as a "ditch digger" although he later got his GED, graduated from college and got his real estate broker's license as well.

I was never cold or hungry. Never, not until now.

After pulling this country out of its broken, bleeding economy and giving us 3 million + jobs, ending the Iraqi war not to mention the life of Osama Bin Laden, after beginning to mend the errors of the techno-phobic 19th century style gentlemen who inhabit Washington DC, busily ruining our lives -- what possible excuse is there for the U.S. not to give Mr. Obama (no he is not perfect; I don't care) a second term, just to see what he can do without all the resitance, hopefully-- or at least without a good part of it?

Senator Mitchell and Speaker Boehner are simply put, LOSERS and they, like the mythical suicide-lemmings, are leading their Caucus to disaster, along with all the rest of us. And they are at least SOMEWHAT familiar with the rules of governance. The new candidates are a joke. The only suitable candidate ready to "Occupy the White House" is, in my opinion, already there.

As for the Senate/House in your neck of the woods -- do due diligence, figure out who is truly obviously corrupt, talk/listen to the new faces who want to replace the old faces -- and then, throw the bums out!!

PS: I MUST attribute the "Yahweh or No Way" quote to Stephen Colbert, although I thought of it somewhere along that time too. Honestly! I love you, Stephen!!!

The Return of Imperialism/Tryanny to U.S from Within

2011-12-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

How do you feel, my fellow Americans, as you watch the Congress refuse, over and over, to truly serve US, the people of this Republic, while they consistently polish the fat rumps of their Corporate Masters? I fear we may be watching the beginning of the end of Democracy in the “land of the brave and the home of the free.” If we lose our Power as a People, if we are so easily fooled, if a runaway governor in Wisconsin can dictate radical, radio-active policies and get away with it despite the wishes of the bulk of his constituency, doesn’t that border on Tyranny? If there are peaceful demonstrations being shut down violently in this country that gives us a right to them, what have we become?

The Republicans have not accepted that going against the will of the people is a very bad idea. They favor the Imperial style of Leadership, the “my way or the high way” style of rule. The kind of rule that likes surveillance tools, power in faraway places, and sneak policy attacks in various states that have stripped the working class of people of rights traditional to states such as Wisconsin, and for no reason that would ultimately serve the people.

That move was part of a Karl Rovian strategy to keep tightening the GOP’s constant attempt to make this a permanently Republican nation. The further moves to suppress traditionally Democratic (the young, the "other" and the senior citizens) voters threaten our Democracy -- and yet the GOP seems intent upon absolute rule.

Fortunately, it seems as though the people's eyes have opened and a rising tide of "Oh NO you will NOT!!" may wipe Scott Walker out of his Governor's mansion, and not a minute too soon.

The GOP won the last election by speaking of jobs and “true fiscal conservatism.” I don't object to fiscal conservatism as long as it is not drained from the blood of the poor and middle classes. The neo-cons and Mitt Romney-style businessmen who espouse this philosophy and are elected on the basis of it should not be able to serve in Congress as the lackeys of the rich, either during or after their terms are finished. The revolving door among between Congressional employment and lobbying is way too porous, and integrity is in short supply.

Congress people are obviously a commodity up for sale – Democrat and Republican, and so obviously.

After throwing all their weight behind the infamous, unnecessary tax break for the rich, Republicans are suddenly moving as one to strip the American Worker of the right to bargain with dignity for wages, hours, etc. I was amazed that these men could argue so righteously that we must ALL share the pain of balancing the budgets!! Nothing, said they, could be more important than that. But – wait!! WTF about that tax cut for the rich you bozos passed last year?

How, HOW could the richest among us possibly want more when more and more of our children are homeless, wandering the street, gathering at the various Occupy Movements because they have no other place to sleep, among other reasons, of course.

After giving this wretched tax cut to those who didn’t need it – Boehner and Mitchell fought furiously for their own, and now seek to attack entitlements – let the middle class and poor pay the price -- the American people are sinking into a less gracious and conscious form of living. There have been one million foreclosures last year; so many more since then -- and yet these heartless people want to place even more stress on the groaning many for the sake of the mighty few. In such a terrible time as these years have been, the only possible reason is corruption. The latest news is that the unholy GOP voted down the middle class tax extensions, and in so doing are pushing people like me into a lifestyle where "daily bread" is now questionable.

If the GOP continues to stifle our NATURAL FREEDOMS including the right of free assembly, the right to be properly educated, to vote on the matters that concern us, to have a voice on these matters -- and continues to promote the growth of a vast underclass, stripping us of various Rights won in the past -- they will be electorally wiped out at some point—unless they can make good on the next step in their plan, which has to do with making it more difficult for folks in the Democratic demographics, i.e. students and the elderly, who typically vote the Democratic ticket, to vote.

How does that make you feel – to know that this is a nationwide effort by GOP politicos to restrain the Democratic voter-turnout, to destroy collective bargaining, to strip the Unions of all power and to make the United States of America into a dreary banana republic where only one party CAN EVER attain power?

But who benefits? Who would have the most to gain, however bizarre, and for what reasons? In my opinion we are witnessing the struggle between Plutocracy and Democracy in America the Beautiful, and it is an awful sight to witness. Somehow the de-volution of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire comes to mind. Only we're the Roman Empire on crack, and on a quick downward slide.

In my opinion – and this is an opinion piece -- the GOP is trying to create a "new peasantry" -- a modern breed of children raised as ready cannon fodder (“meet the new boss; same as the old Boss”), for our Orwellian cycle of endless war. These kids are inheriting the results of our specifically human passion for unchecked arrogance/violence/blood-lust.

Failed by local schools and pre-trained by vicious games, they’ll be snatched up by the Masters of War. As educational systems begin to fail our children the culture becomes more brutal and violent. Kids spend way too much time fascinated by blood-soaked games put out by the Military – just a little basic training, pre-high school basic training – there are so many army games out there!

How purposeful is the creation of a class of the citizenry more suited for soldiering than the manufacturing jobs we no longer have? So many of our kids have felt and feel that a life in the military was the only option. They go because they have to. They are our modern-day blood sacrifice. The high and sustained rate of unemployment has made and will continue to make great use of the “feeder pond” of kids with no hope. These young American heroes go off to serve and fight and die.

And then the heroes come back, but they come back changed, many of them broken, some shattered beyond our help. Because of the underlying philosophy that sends these people off to war, there’s not enough help for them when they get back -- not for current veterans, nor for the rest of the recycled vets of our many wars; there are so few options.

They deserve everything from us, yet to the GOP that elite 2% is somehow more deserving than our veterans. Our veterans come home, and they have certain particular warlike skill sets. The folks that aren’t too psychologically or physically damaged have to make a living, and naturally they will look into the U.S. prison and jail systems.

Some go for the shadowy world of the mercenary; some readjust, go back to school and shake the traumas of War. Some blow themselves away, too traumatized to go on. Many of them will make excellent tools of any police state, including one right here. We watch as the armed forces busily militarize our police, and that knowledge scares the hell out of me.

I was disgusted by the presence of Blackwater/Wackenhut security forces patrolling the streets of Wisconsin while the police are on strike. I was horrified when the peaceful Occupy Oakland protest turned violent. Who looks like the "land of the free" now? What a bitter joke.

It is important, essential to know that right in front of our eyes we are watching an entire reshuffling of the American Opportunity, a purposeful re-sizing of the American Dream, a casual toss away of our pretense to Excellence. This fundamental dumbing down of the culture can't be strategic, it just can't be. Can it? Again, who benefits?

Fascism is the union of the Military-Industrial-Congressional complex (wonderful choice of words by President Eisenhower), who told us to beware of such a government. It is my deepest fear that our beloved country is changing in front of our eyes into a collective of little states/tyrannies run by out-of-control, power-mad governors who seem to feel Absolute Power is their Right. I don’t understand why the GOP members of Congress don’t value their “worthy opposition” and why they seem to be trying to destroy us utterly -- electorally, militarily, and financially -- and we are the 99%!

Holiday Greetings From Bi Polar Central!!

2011-10-22T19:51:00.001-07:00

Love this ... and oh be joyful for me as one of my wandering wayfarers - my younger daughter - will be coming back to the Bay Area to pause, re-consider & re-calibrate her direction. Her skills are excellent, ranging from "children's party faerie" w/balloon animals, magic tricks, a teeny tiny little voice and irresistible personality - to a superbly trained Shakespearean actor with a voice that can fill the room -- she's been on the "The Globe" in England, where she picked up her Master's at St. Martin's after graduating from NYU/Experimental Theater Wing (including a term at the UK's famous Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts).

When she's onstage doing a big role the wispy children's faerie disappears and any number of vivid personalities spill from her - that's some true talent there. I could watch what she does forever. Pride in one's daughter's is an excellent thing -- and I am rich that way, rich indeed, for I have two of them I love and honor equally.

Youngest returns to the SF Bay Area to take an internship with local genius Rob Melrose and his Cutting Ball Troupe -- one -- if not the of the most exciting, electrifying avante-garde theater groups in the SF Bay Area. Re this returning daughter - it makes me very nervous that I haven't heard ANYTHING about her return. She's coming back sometime, soonish. That's all I want to know -- WHEN?? She's a lucky woman, though -- as this is a prized gig -- the Rob isn't just anyone, I can tell you that. He and his wife, Paige Rogers, have built an organization here that has been sizzling. It's their turn, somehow that's the feeling I get -- there's that buzz.

A sense of creeping anxiety grows as I look at the front room -- once again I have another collection of debris from the garage getting sorted for Goodwill. A neat & tidy area it is not! I have seen photos of other "mental" people and their living spaces are not from the pages of "Better Homes and Gardens". In fact they come in every sort, from the strangled, pseudo-Zen approach of an over-the-Top OCD personality to me, who is surrounded by all of the life collected around me, quite a bit of my two grown daughters' things and then there's Patrick, who moved all his stuff into an already full home.

I am not one to enjoy being judged for my ETERNAL LACK OF HOUSEKEEPING SKILLS. My deepest longing, my unfulfilled desire -- is someone to help us around here. However, I am no longer in the position to pay for it. Trade or barter, yes -- real actual money -- no. We just don't have it. Welcome to the new America, my friends. "And why do you think you deserve assistance" the formerly Great Society says to the newly impoverished mother of grown, highly educated daughters?

I can't bend and to move objects requires a strange sort of crawling that doesn't work with carrying. I hate asking for help as I don't like rejection. During my decades as a sickly sort of person I have come to easily recognize the resistance and hostility in the eyes of people I reach out to. "Reach out to your friends and family" ... as so many of the texts say. Well - why?

After a life of being able to pay for 25 years of being to pay my own way, and then NOT -- falling into "Malice's Wonderland" as I call my years long stays in the hell realms of Bi Polar - hiding, daring to ask for a favor from time to time - recently willing to barter in any way possible for my need is great -- newly poor, period. I don't like being told NO when I work up my nerve as I don't like the feeling of: 1) abandonment and despair, 2) rays of rage that rapidly infuse into my being through the cracks in my brain, leading to a display (or not) of "going bipolar on somebody's ass!" Or of course there is always, always the distinct possibility of nuking ANOTHER set of relationships -- thank god I'm now poor enough for a psychiatrist. Irony?

Please understand that I am NOT justifying the feelings of frustration that come up -- I'd rather be hale and whole, and do my owned damned dishes. The rage -- well, that comes from -- I think -- not only the anger I see in the eyes of those who've just seen my tender belly (it's both animal and human nature to take down the weaker in the pack!), but the primal anger that wells up in me, independent of anyone, basically bellows to Life Itself: I WANT BETTER THAN THIS!! I ck with love! People out there -- and I mean anyone anywhere who knows people having disabilities of one level or another -- while it is true that some people have issues with being thought of as "disabled", others have made a kind of peace with who they are, have found a way around some of it, but also KNOW THEIR OWN LIMITATIONS!WANT TO DO MORE FOR OTHERS THAN THIS!! I WANT TO BE STRONGER/STURDIER/AND NOT A PERSON ONE WOULD EVER THINK OF AS NEEDY, NOT EVER. You don't always get to choose, though, you know?

When someone helps me, I am astonished, grateful, si

However, it does not mean we, your different brethren, like this fate. There's a reason that bi polar sufferers have a singularly high suicide rate. It takes a lot for someone to ask for your assistance. If it's someone who has issues with depression, isolation can be one of the biggest setbacks for them, and to sacrifice a bit of your time to get them out of the house for a walk or a bit of shopping, or helping them do the dishes together = no-cost therapy. NOBODY wants to need help, nor have to ask for help. MOST PEOPLE would prefer to be in the place of being able to pay for it. And if you are the sort that finds such people weak or offensive as opposed to ill -- do them a favor and stay away, or get over yourself.

Times have changed and people are broke. Depression lurks in the depths of those winter months. I've been advised by people who know the score on Twitter lately as I've felt myself sinking again to use full spectrum florescent lights and to exercise -- the "rulz" as she put it! They do help!

Here's a shout-out and a thank you to the errr "invisible" friends out there in the blogosphere/twitosphere for the contact and support. And people, if you have an active relationship with someone with mental or physical problems, try to be there for them if you can. I know that you might not be able to do much and -- it might not feel pleasant sometimes as there's a fear and perhaps an annoyance factor there -- or maybe a bit of disdain: "why do YOU need/want/think YOU deserve help?"

I don't understand this too much, having been through several hospice circumstances with my dying mom and other friends and family, which involved a different sort of strain than merely a helping someone with a damaged brain. You can't SEE that damaged brain, exactly.

I get that -- and I don't get that. Just around the time when I started to feel like I had a unit of friends that had some kind of understanding, I realized that there was resentment alive and thriving -- that's when the healing stops and the full retreat begins again.

FEW wish to be a burden to their friends and family, and it's my opinion that overly-sensitive people with mental problems would almost rather do themselves in than see the flat, cold look of rejection in a dear friend's eyes. So be careful with your loved ones -- times are tough, Christmas is coming, and that's the loneliest time of the year for many people. Reach out if you can, but only if it's heart-felt and truly meant -- otherwise things just get worse.

Okay, that's the latest from Bi Polar central. Off we go into the Holiday Season, so be careful, my friends! Oh - and if anyone feels like talking about seasonal moods or whatever -- holidays, relatives -- I have a firefox plugi-in called "Intense Debate" installed & it might be a good time to take it for a ride!

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Back from Enforced Blogging "Holiday"!!

2011-10-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, this "not writing because I need to save my life" thing isn't working for me. My eldest daughter, the beauteous, firm Athena/Artemis like Pacifica, cracks the whip on her crazy mama while being "freshly pressed" on Wordpress TWO TIMES in the last few months. That rarely if EVER happens. But it did to my sweet baby doll, a photo-journalist of a unique sort.

Hearing this gets my writing genes frothing at their little mouths, but alas another task has been set for me. I speak of the forensic analysis of the books of my dead "child" -- ie "the house I built just before the crash" which wiped out my worldly possessions, most family relations and left me high and dry with the good sense of a gopher trying to get to a Marijuana plant in a container.

However, Pacifica said: "Now mommy, NO BLOGGING until your project is finished." Because of my mental instability and because "he who must not be named" was supposed to do the damned books and didn't and won't -- if I want to see any of the money back from what was supposed to be a 50/50 partnership, I had to go through every damned receipt from three years of a doomed but gorgeous house, my baby, my beloved. Sniffle. Funny how

Go ahead, laugh all you want. I don't blame you! But I've already got a hole in my head, and I've seen all around me the evidence that what news commentators are saying -- that the folks sliding into the upper echelons of income don't really care about seeing the rest of us fall, as long as THEY are okay. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself in one of the persons I loved most. But you see, I suppose I am an excellent example of the Fool in the Major Arcana of the Tarot.

The Fool in the Tarot Cards is represented in many ways. Many think he is a Spirit character, head lost in thought while he steps into another dimension -- others take him for a person rather like myself, who simply isn't looking where he/she is going and -- SPLAT. I used to favor the first way of thought and now I am truly not so sure, speaking now as I am to you from a puddle over a cliff. SPLAT, INDEED.

But I can't bear the way the words are backing up in me, and how they are coming from all parts of me: the political, the desperate, the philosophical, the bipolar maniac (whose mere letters to loved ones I'm somewhat annoyed with seem to burn like acid), and I don't know why. Twitter is a place I LOVE as i can shoot my little 140 character bullets in rapid fire when I'm enraged, for example with the GOP take down of Unions through the country, or the attacks on education, equal opportunity, CHOICE, and all the freedoms being stripped away from us in a 3 card Monte game where it's pretended THEY are losing freedoms.

Seriously, I am not joking. If you really think there's a whole lot of "opportunity" going on take a look at where opportunity starts -- education and equal rights. Lately it seems those educated jobs are being shipped out because the POWERS THAT BE do not give a good god-damn whether the populace is educated or not. What difference does it make in a global economy? Who cares if the country you have one of your half dozen mansions in has good security for ALL the people when you can buy your own security? Who cares about the education of the masses when you can send your kids to fine schools? Who cares about education when 'bots are waiting to take it all over??

Also, let us face this clearly: a less educated society is a more brutal, more malleable society. People become more easy to push around with words of hell and damnation and "Don't Tread on Me" -- oh puleeze. The sight of those yahoos "lockin' and loadin'" to try to scare the Prez and the populace made me sick -- victory through intimidation, morons? Aiiiieee, I am bitter, I admit it. The brighter side of bipolar will be visiting again.

Today I am depressed. We've all been reading an article about America having the most income disparity among the classes than most "civilized" countries including most of Europe. My friends, we have totally been had by our slave-meisters, the 1% who own close to 50% of the wealth. Start reading, people -- many people in the Arab nations had been wondering when we Americans would wake up to our OWN "Arab Spring"!!

They consider US, the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to lack freedoms and opportunities, just as they do. They do not consider us "The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave". They think that we, the country WE consider a lighthouse of freedom, is arthritic, grid-locked, and freaking incapable of change. The obstinacy of the GOP re Obama's picks for judiciary, etc. have gone by without an up or down vote -- want to know why?

It has been agreed among the upper echelons of the GOP that if they hold out long enough and maybe Obama isn't elected again, they can pack the judiciary with Republicans and our hope for a Democracy where both sides are debated, and compromised will disappear, possibly forever. Our chances to recover from that for generations are slim.

We are sliding towards the military-industrial-Congressional complex that President Eisenhower warned us about. By the way -- he included "Congressional" in that speech but the word was stricken out by a minion of some sort -- however our current political machinery is just what that good gentleman warned us about. If you take a look around, today's Republicans don't even consider REAGAN, their former GOD, particularly relevant. How did THAT happen in two years?

Selfishness is a more prevalent human characteristic than I'd ever thought, no matter how many times I've read and re-read Dickens "A Christmas Carol"! I am not sanguine about our future, as the Goblins are ruining the forests and the Orcs are running the businesses and as the bumper-sticker said: "Frodo Lost the Ring."

But wait! Not again! Could it be that my President, who has pulled goodness from devastation over and over, has displayed the old magic as he stepped back and tricked the LEADERS of the Republicans like John Boehner and Eric Cantor into showing which side of the income/Class barrier they are on?

In truth the GOP is on the side of the rich, and they have grabbed huge clumps of the badly educated population and taught them that the big ol' American issues are God, Guns & Gays! So instead of a reasonable debate, we get verbal insanity, religious fervor, the threat of violence and no sense of willingness to examine another Point of View, and that's not what I grew up thinking we Americans were all about..

Written 10-06-11

Self-Healing post Bipolar Breakdown

2011-04-17T14:41:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've learned about living with "The Beast" from my teen-aged years on is that you never know when that sucker is going to re-claim its hold on your brain. Knowing that the stats say it only gets worse with age leaves a person always looking over one's shoulder -- but where? The enemy lies within and there are the moments where it takes everything to bear it, because one doesn't recall any other way of being nor does one anticipate relief -- ever.

As I go through the paperwork analyzing my financial fall from grace -- my dearly beloved ex left me well provided for, and my actions later -- the typical actions of a person suffering from an over-inflated idea of their abilities -- wiped out my financial security. I trusted those that for reasons of their own should not have been trusted. I did these things myself, to myself, and it is hard to own up to the fact that I am indeed my worst enemy at times.

It's not easy to go through the seemingly infinite amount of papers that shout out to me what an idiot I was, but it must be done, for there is no other way to prove that my 50/50 partner - he whose name shall not be uttered - ;-) - skipped out leaving the books undone and owing me enough money to augment what I still have and enable me to live decently for a few more years. Oh the pain, the pain -- and worse still is the crushing loss of the family ties that this project represented.

Had I but known -- when one suffers from the "empty nest syndrome' or rather when THIS one suffers, as I did so profoundly for so many years -- (bipolar adds to the festivities!), well - I found myself looking for surrogate children, as mine are a continent and an ocean away. I found some great kids, but in my eagerness to play at business with them, managed somehow to ruin my financial life.

I know some of you may recall earlier posts stating I was on the brink of foreclosure -- thanks to the loving intervention of family members, the debt was taken care of. However, I'm having to fight to get "my own" back financially, & the enormous task has me wondering every day if my brain will teeter over the brink. When the tears come for no reason, and the refrain I always carry in my head for my girls plays, I can always tell that the old brain beastie is lurking.

"oooh, oooh I'm missing you; tell me why the road turns?" by lionel ritchie for diana ross

So. Ms. Julie -- what ARE you doing to rehabilitate yourself? That's what they call it, you know, when people who have had significant psychological breaks or traumas try to re-integrate with society again - rehab, emotional rehab.

Well, I've developed a freaking healthy respect for this brain-basher of an "illness" or a "disorder" or whatever they call it -- I don't know; all I know is that IT, and not I, has been taken control and run me off the roads throughout my life starting in my teens. It distresses me that I have tears streaming down my face as I write this, for there's nothing wrong today. The sun shines, all is as it was. And yet inside there is darkness and sorrow. And I wonder -- oh my god is IT coming back?

In my beloved Marin County, when one does a free fall from plenty to indigence, there is a gracious social welfare system that treats the mentally ill. I hope we can keep these needed services available. For the first time ever I have access to a real live psychiatrist -- who validated the protocol given by my GP of 15 or so years - the wonderful flash gordon, md., healer & author of many books, the latest being "Blood, Sweat & Second Gear" -- who as author Susie Bright said, SHOULD be Surgeon General of the U.S. - he's THAT good, but instead he's treating ordinary folk like us.

So I've gotten a Psych doc, and have started making the journey -- sometimes ecstatic, sometimes excruciating -- from the bedroom that has been my cell of choice during the last several years.

Reintegration with the rest of the human race is absolutely essential for people coming back from "the twilight zone" as I like to call it, a place of muted or non-existent desire, will to live -- a life in the shadows while all about you people go about normal lives and you wonder why you can't. The very most basic current of life force is drained from you.

You wonder why it is so hard to speak to other people sometimes. Even the ring of a telephone brings with it thoughts of three years of creditors harassing me, and the sound of the doorbell is terrifying! I shake my head in wonderment at my own peculiarities. In reading further I find that social anxiety disorder is often part and parcel of this "thing" I've been born with. In the National Institute of Mental Health URL, I found a chart of the various symptoms of both ends of the bipolar scale:

A long period of feeling "high," or an overly happy or outgoing mood
Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling "jumpy" or "wired."

Behavioral Changes

Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts
Being easily distracted
Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects
Being restless
Sleeping little
Having an unrealistic belief in one's abilities
Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable,
high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.

A long period of feeling worried or empty
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex.

Behavioral Changes

Feeling tired or "slowed down"
Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions
Being restless or irritable
Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits
Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide.

And back and forth and over and over for the rest of one's life. And I can tell you first hand it is not easy, this path. Nor is it for the unfortunate family members that have to deal with you -- support groups, people! Get your support somewhere, because you will need it. It is most wearing to be around somebody who is profoundly depressed, the "identified patient" as such who might suck the life right out of the room. Save yourselves!

For my self-prescribed rehabilitation I decided that I needed a radical prescription, a big dose of other human beings! My mate Patrick has been, for almost a year, helping out at the Marinwood Farmers' Market. Soon he began selling Nana Mae Organics (apple products during the Great Recession- Depression) at this Market, about a mile away from our house.

I didn't think much of this at first -- Patrick (Asperger's, panic attacks, ADHD) picks up projects and puts them down -- besides, to do a Farmers' Market you have to be willing to -- ah -- get up early. Simply put, I could hate nothing more. A morning person I am not.

But I began to wander on down around to visit around noon as I had the sneaking suspicion I could do better at sales than Patrick, who NEVER can stay at the booth for longer than 20 minutes at a time. A little friendly competition with my sweetie got me out the door -- whatever works, say I.

And so began my now weekly forays down to the market. At first I'd wait to go down until noon -- then earlier and earlier. I go with Patrick now; we join the rest of the Vendors, and are always only slightly late, rumbling into our space around 9:10 AM to the amusement of our fellows, as we live only a mile away!

I noticed very quickly that the simple interchange between human beings is a tonic beyond almost anything a doctor can prescribe. I love sitting down there in our little makeshift booth, making change the old-fashioned way from a wooden cigar box, and for the first time in all the 26 years I've been here meeting and enjoying my neighbors while we all begin the project of neighborhood/community building here in Marinwood.

Why is that that simply the action of placing oneself in the midst of others heals? Because the primary "food" for we spirits in human bodies is the interchange of energy through the eyes and the feeling heart, and that is one of the ways we fight the Beast within -- with the sweet medicine provided by our fellow human beings.

I have a much more upbeat account of these experiences to pass onto you, but today was not a day for that kind of writing. Today was a day for acknowledging and expressing the hidden sorrow in the brain that twists life in the body/mind for more of us than you might think. One can only persist.

Have a great Sunday!

PS: I just came back from another self-prescribed dose of "medication" - a walk in the canyon by our house in order to spot bay laurel trees that seem to be infected with "sudden oak" and collecting specimens. It's so beautiful out there -- I lay in the green grass and felt the sun warm me while I watched the little girls play in the brook, as my long lost children once did. Unfortunately, my mind came with me and began to brood over my girls, but all in all, the experience served me well. My mother always told me that all that could be done was to place one foot in front of the other.

That doesn't sound very deep, but could anything be more difficult sometimes?

Ah well, my dears -- don't mind me. I'm just a wee tad bluish today.

I'll be back with a rapturous account of a splendid day at the Market!

Rumination upon Education

2011-03-15T03:06:00.000-07:00

As the daughter of a teacher, I KNOW what my mother put into her four decades as both a fifth grade teacher and a high school teacher/college counselor. She brought her job home every single day and most weekends. That job dominated her life; she loved it and influenced countless lives positively. She elevated the prospects of thousands of kids in the San Joaquin Valley and 29 Palms, California. A great many among them were children of seasonal migrant workers, mostly from Mexico, kids who lived with entire families in rooms the size of a small bedroom.

At her funeral in 1994, I met a wonderful gentleman, at that point head of the local junior college, who told me that she was the reason that he, the American born son of Mexican migrant workers, was able to turn his passionate desire to succeed, help others, and prosper into reality. I heard this said about my mother over and over again as she fulfilled her passionate desire to enlighten receptive minds. That is what a Teacher does.

She was always passionate about her job. One person CAN make a difference, and the public service workers of our country -- the teachers, the nurses, the firefighters & police -- each ONE of those people dedicate their lives to making a difference. I believe they should be able to RETAIN the RIGHT to bargain with the Big Boss Men, who already, it seems, believe they should be as kings unto their workers. Gah!

United (Union!) we stand, divided, we are cracked like dried twigs, which is pretty much what they want, isn’t it?

The sneak attack by the GOP in Wisconsin that killed collective bargaining in Wisconsin smacks of tyranny to me. For example, when these slick creeps demean teachers, they are attacking societal fundamentals. Do we, as a nation, value education? Do we value educating the blue collar/middle class family as much as we value educating their peers at a higher social level? If not, why not?

We’ve always had issues with class in this country. We’ve had slavery, indentured servitude, the plight of women, children, the sick and the elderly who can’t fend for themselves. And there has always been the model of the Banker (Big Business usually = GOP) with the cold heart in this country – plenty of those around today. (“If you don’t give me the deed to your ranch I’m gonna tie you to the railroad tracks”)

Tell me, O weasel-eyed Governors with eyes of flint - I would like to know how destroying our precious national safety nets will do anything but impoverish those too weak to pull themselves up, thereby weakening our national fabric. These “nets” are in place; they serve the people. Honestly, really – what will take their place? Smile, say "charity" and I will laugh in your face.

What happens when there’s no protection for the firemen, the teachers, the police, the drivers -- the We that are the People? For Governor Walker to act like an over-confident bully, smashing the long-held values and Rights of a state known for securing those Rights, thereby paving the way for the rest of us, was viscerally shocking to me.

Governor Walker appears to be a mini-dictator, and there are several others of his ilk governing other states. Their aim is to strip the Democratic Party of their one power base, the Unions, and to prevent President Obama from being elected or from achieving policy objectives. It is also Karl Rove’s Machiavellian goal to achieve total GOP dominance within all systems of government. If that happens, kiss the idea of America goodbye.

The state of Wisconsin is not supposed to be a dictatorship, run by a Governor with an unseemly urge to please billionaire businessmen such as the Koch Bros. His mini-dictatorship is somehow protected by states-rights while the rest of us watch in horror, wondering what next parliamentary bit of deviance will be used inappropriately.

In my state, California, a Democrat Governor was recalled a few years ago for NOTHING compared to what Governor Walker is doing, and I mean NOTHING. I have nothing against Governor Schwarzenegger - I came to be quite fond of him -- he's MY kind of GOP-GOV. I like moderate Republicans -- we do have a lot in common. I want to cultivate that love of the moderate which is unfamiliar to the flaming Progressive!

It's time to unite from within the center, reaching out -- reaching out to one another with a sense of inclusion towards ALL except the bat shit crazy. I refuse to take this challenge to our working people without reacting in a protective fashion -- as they have protected us. I refuse to watch a challenge to education in this country without working to educate people about why it matters!

People must know why a wide, stimulated, open & well-trained mind is worth more than gold. The fewer great minds we have, the lower is our status as a country, period. I would feel more comfortable with the direction of our country if we pointed our kids in the direction of math/science/saving the earth than by bombing the crap out of it.

When we stop respecting education, we are stale, through. Do you hear me, America? WE – the almighty paragons of remarkable excellence, are on the verge of being finished, second rate. Our worth, capacity, flexibility and vigor as a nation are diminished; our educational scores are mediocre, our intellectual appetite dulled. The mediocre are easily led like sheep, which makes me wonder if it’s too late already. Again, how have we arrived at this point?

We have failed to educate our people. When people are not trained to think, they cannot discriminate. Lack of discrimination leads to collective failures in judgment, resulting in cultural lurches like allowing GW Bush to invade Iraq (President Clinton was impeached for infinitely less), forgetting the Bush years so easily, forgetting who the real Party of the People has always been, which led to the stupid, impatient results of the last election, etc.

Remember the old adage about getting the Government one deserves? It seems that most of Congress has been bought off and now these Governors too. What do the Koch Brothers have to do with all of this and HOW do they stand to gain? AND DON’T THEY HAVE ENOUGH WEALTH, NOW REALLY?? The idea that they have anything to do with policy that impoverishes the rest of America sickens me.

If you haven't noticed anything peculiar yet, to arms, to arms -- the Corporations are coming!

The Tyranny of the Radical Minority

2011-03-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

I am so filled with anger; raging impotently as I watch radical Republicans "govern." Watching the parliamentary sleight of hand that stripped Wisconsin public workers of their bargaining rights, I fear for this country. It is very clear that this could be the beginning of the end of Democracy in the “land of the free.”

If we lose our Power as a People, if we are so easily fooled, if a runaway Governor can dictate radical, radio-active policies and get away with it despite the wishes of the bulk of his constituency, isn’t that bordering on a state perilously close to Imperial rule, tyranny? I've been around a long time and I have NEVER seen politicians behave so disrespectfully to the people who elected them.

The GOP won the last election by speaking of jobs and “true fiscal conservatism.” True fiscal conservatism has a spine, and the people who espouse this philosophy and are elected on the basis of it should not be able to serve in Congress as the lackeys of the rich.

After continuing the infamous, unnecessary and infamous tax break for the rich, Republicans are suddenly moving as one to strip the American Worker of the right to bargain with dignity for wages, hours, etc. They talk so righteously of how we must ALL share the pain of balancing the budgets after giving this wretched tax cut to those who didn’t need it – Boehner and Mitchell fought furiously for their own, and now seek to attack entitlements – let the middle class and poor pay the price -- as the American people sink into a less gracious and conscious form of living.

If the GOP continues to stifle our lawful Freedoms including the right to vote, and continues to promote the growth of a vast underclass, taking from us all services we have won as Rights in the past -- they will be electorally wiped out at some point—unless they can make good on the next step in their plan, which has to do with making it more difficult for folks in the Democratic demographics, i.e. students, who typically vote the Democratic ticket, to vote.

There are so many ramifications to severe cuts -- for example, the downward slide of the U.S. in our ability to educate our youth will result in a modern form of peasant, who will breed children used as ready cannon fodder for our Orwellian cycle of endless wars.

Failed by local schools and pre-trained by vicious, militaristic games, they’ll be snatched up by the Masters of War. As educational systems begin to fail our children the culture becomes more brutal and violent. Kids spend way too much time fascinated by blood-soaked games put out by the Military, and way too little time reading and thinking.

How purposeful is the creation of a class of the citizenry more suited for soldiering than the white collar and manufacturing jobs we no longer have? So many of these kids have felt and feel that a life in the military was the only option. They go because they have to. They are our modern-day blood sacrifice. The high and sustained rate of unemployment has made and will continue to make great use of the “feeder pond” of kids with no hope. These young American heroes go off to serve and fight and die.

And then the heroes come back, but they come back changed, many of them broken, some shattered beyond our help. Because of the underlying philosophy that sends these people off to war, there’s not enough help for them when they get back! That holds for current veterans, and for the rest of the recycled vets of our many wars; there are so few options.

They deserve everything from us, yet to the GOP that elite 2% of the richest is somehow more deserving of extra treats on their tables than our soldiers are of keeping body and soul together. This is a result of the shifting of wealth that just happened in front of our eyes. Failing to provide our vets with honorable work and services will have undesirable consequences, as always.

Our veterans come home, and they have certain particular warlike skill sets. They have to make a living, and naturally they will look into the U.S. prison and jail systems, some will go for the shadowy world of the mercenary, some are so wounded they never come back psychologically, some readjust, go back to school/work and shake the traumas of War. Left untreated and uncared for, many are loose cannons waiting to explode. We ignore them at our own risk, and to our shame as a society.

Fascism is the union of the Military-Industrial-Congressional complex , a wonderful choice of words by President Dwight Eisenhower, who told us to beware of such a government. It is my deepest fear that our beloved country is morphing rapidly into a collective of little states/tyrannies run by out-of-control, power-mad Governors who seem to feel Absolute Power is their Right. I don’t understand why the Republicans don’t value their “worthy opposition” and why they seem to be trying to destroy us utterly.

I would like to know how the selfish folk behind this drive to hunt Democrats (and everything they represent to the working people) to extinction are reconciling the compulsion to Dictatorship with the U.S. two party system? They have forgotten that the State exists to serve the people; many of these governors are CEOs who put the State in front of the People, and that is again part of what defines fascism.

Take care, America!

Search Amazon.com for fascism and big business

Union Busting in Wisconsin

2011-03-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

There have always been "robber barons" among us. They morph from century to century, wearing different disguises to suit the times. They are lackeys of the truly wealthy, though many of course fall into money. That's their job, isn't it? My big question is - why do they want to keep the rest of us from having it?

The situation in Wisconsin is our primary national example of this constant societal theme. This is a moment of national Truth. It has to do with the bottom line, and whether the Rich really do get richer while the Poor stay poor. I thought we as a society had decided to be "A Great Society" and "A City on a Hill" -- or even, as George W. Bush said, an "Ownership Society?" I never dreamed that one lousy Presidency could bring us to the brink of losing, precipitously, the American Dream. The numbers of people that have crowded the streets of Wisconsin say I am not wrong.

The workers in Wisconsin fight for a voice at the bargaining table, as is the American way. This movement, to protect the rights of workers in America, began in the great state of Wisconsin. Why now do the Republicans want to take these rights away? Why did this upstart new Governor do the unthinkable, by threatening violence the moment this issue arose? Why do the city streets in the Madison, WI look like a dictatorship on lock-down? The hubris involved in both Governor Walker's initial threat to call out the National Guard and his statement that he could imprison and expel the Democratic Senators with the use of force is shocking.

The Democratic Senators, the Wisconsin 14, while currently in the minority fight to save the rights of the majority. The Governor has illegally ordered that the Democratic Senators be brought home whether or not force is involved. My God, you don't go around threatening to use force on your Senators!!

That's absolutely unconstitutional -- many of the policies that Governor Walker propose are blatantly unconstitutional under Wisconsin law. Why are these few, brash, mostly young white males in various states, newly elected -- why are they imperiously insulting the fine working people of our country while they undermine our national traditions of protecting the working class? What's up with this?

Governor Walker in Wisconsin is an arrogant, slick, cruel piece of work. He's in league with the Koch Brother Billionaires in this class war -- watch him roll. His belief in himself is utter, despite the tens of thousands of people protesting his choices. When trouble began, he mentioned calling in the National Guard, but that didn't go down well. According to Rachel Maddow, the Governor has instead called upon private contractors -- scabs --from Blackwater/XE/Wackenhut to do his dirty "security" work.

This despicable jerk of a new Governor, who prides himself on "not budging" wants to force pink slips upon the teachers and firefighters, the police and the service workers -- he insults the people that are the bedrock of American society. If they are shut out of health care, jobs, dignity -- eventually there will be a reckoning, and perhaps a swift one.

By cutting the taxes for the rich, they have ginned up a clear cut case of a false fiscal crisis with an ulterior motive -- to destroy a time honored democratic tradition (or small r republican -- as collective bargaining is an excellent tool for our Republic as well).

What is this new breed of Republican, these servants of the Mighty? Who are they? What do they stand for? Of more importance -- what is it that they want? I want to see where folks will stand on this hugely important issue of collective bargaining. I know there might be Libertarian and Conservative elements of the GOP that are concerned about the traditional right to organize.

I would hope that some of these folks are not just pumped up tools of various politicians. I really do think the more Libertarian people, who are upset about the insane parts of big government, could bring integrity to the table. We have seen so many times that politicians and corruption go hand in hand that it is impossible for me to imagine that the Tea Partyers won't get co-opted and horns-waggled, so to speak, by the GOP proper.

Back to the new-style GOP- men and women -- the guys with Mr. Bean slicked-back hair, dictatorial pride and a fantastic role model in George W. Bush, who did everything he wanted and got away with it. Who is this guy, this Governor Walker, and how many other newly elected Governors are dying to bust Unions as well. Finally, why are the Republicans trying to kill a two party system in this country?

Without Unions, there are no big sources of campaign money for the Democrats, and since the odious Supreme Court:s Citizen United decision of late, the Unions are the last bastion of large Democratic fundraising. Kill the unions, the Democrats are dead. The Democrats die -- suddenly you've got something suspiciously like a dictatorship, with armed guards willing to do anything on the street. Think it can't happen here? Look at the streets of Wisconsin -- it already is.

People from Blackwater, as it used to be known, don't have a problem crossing union lines. They answer to a higher power, and it's NOT the government of the United States. Suddenly Madison, WI has the look of a police state. How's that for a bleak look into a possible future, America? If you don't believe me, here's a symbol of their reach into our country - an "emergency response team" badge for the Delaware County Prison that indicates a global reach:

I am longing for principled people of ALL parties to come out for the REAL America. It's got NOTHING to do with Rambo Governors on a rampage fulfilling private missions funded by secretive Billionaire policy makers backing and backed by a huge shadow army. Those guys have been planning for years to turn the screws on America in ways you don't even want to imagine.

Yes, it could happen here. Look no further than Wisconsin. This week a Democratic Assemblyman was tackled on his way to work in the Capital Building. The guy was brought to the ground by a pile of scab "security guards" -- employed by Wackenhut. (Blackwater/XE.) Anyone getting nervous yet??

Now back to that first, primary, and most troubling question: whence come these union busters, and why? I think they are tools of the GOP; but they are willing, boot-licking tools, on the make for money and power, the people be damned. They are useful tools for a subtle cultural revolution, where the rich do indeed get richer and the poor get the shaft.

If the good Governor Walker gets his way and busts those unions in Wisconsin, the folks in that fine state can look forward to police, prison guards, security guys etc., who have possibly seen more depravity in one lifetime than we can hold in our consciousness, and want to spread those Good Vibrations that came from Gitmo through Abu Ghraib straight to you. I don't much like the sound of this -- hold steady, Brave Wisconsin 14! As my husband Patrick, an astute student of History said, it's "very near impossible" to regain a Right once you have given it up.

Governor Walker, in my opinion, should be re-called as quickly as is lawfully possible. He has over-reached beyond all rational thought -- to the point of behaving in a fashion that could be construed as tyrannical. In MY opinion. Soooo -- on Wisconsin, on Wisconsin!!

There's a cost for choosing to maintain a society at the lower levels of education and poverty. Its pretty nasty price comes due at the end of that cycle, which we see in the Middle East. Those people who say there's "no connection" between the events of Egypt and the events of Wisconsin are dead wrong. If nothing else, the Egyptians taught their American brothers and sisters how to really stand up for ourselves again, even with the threat of violence. Believe me, those guys from Wackenhut know a thing or two about violence.

I'm horrified that the GOP continues to stifle our natural freedoms including the "pursuit of happiness" by cutting away further at necessary benefits for those in need. When you consider that our last President, the Fearless, feckless Leader George W. Bush put us into this bankrupt condition, it is asking a bit much of the average citizen to pay the greatest cost.

That our entire citizenry is being punished after giving the richest 2% a fat, unnecessary tax cut is utterly egregious, a blatant pandering curtsy to wealth. The stench of Greed lingers on, and it's the worst form of Greed -- Greed whose cost is born by those too fragile to bear it. Symbol -- fat sovereign on thin, starving donkey.

If the new GOP Governors and Congresspeople don't show some mercy and stop acting like Roman conquerors believing in their own Godhood -- well, they will have their own revolution to deal with, and perhaps rather quickly. I've heard there are recall procedures already in place for the GOP Senators on the "union busting" side. They are on the wrong side of the arc of history.

They aren't supposed to be feeding the Greed and Blood Lust of "Jabba the Hutt" -- that grotesque fat thing in the Star Wars cycle - that's my none too subtle metaphor for endless war, depravity, violence and all things that feed that monster in each of us, and in our country as well. America is not an Imperial Nation for the wealthy few. We are supposed to be better than that.

Bipolar Disorder - What a Long, Strange Trip it's Been!

2011-02-23T19:24:00.000-08:00

During the last several years, as some of you know, I've been once again experimenting with plunging into the depths of hell known to those with jangled minds, depressions, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc. Severe episodes such as I've just been through, a 3 year ordeal I'm amazed I survived, are like an endless wandering through one's own private hell realm.

By the time an entire cycle has passed, a person who once seemed stable can be in a hopeless muddle, desperately seeking a way of of the confusion and fear that have dragged them into a chaotic mental state where it seems that there is No Exit. What is mental illness? To quote Lana Castle from her fine book Bipolar Disorder Demystified:

Mental Illness involves behaviors, thinking and perceptions that fall outside the bounds of what a particular culture or society perceives as "normal." They produce extreme moods and behaviors, confusion and chaos, faulty memories and perceptions, desperation and hopelessness.

Because mental illnesses also produce physical symptoms and other verifiable symptoms in the body, they're also clearly medical disorders. By bringing your brain to a normal state, treatment can greatly improve your life."

As you might imagine, I was very happy to hear that my life might be improved, as I was about to be swept out of my home along with yesterday's (and the last 26 year's) trash -- and me with no logical brain. Late in life I have come to recognize that having an untreated and unrecognized mental illness can add a lot of spice to one's life -- if you really, really like your life dramatic and HARD.

I don't, but it's been that way anyway. I've been reading more mental health literature when I'm not gnawing my fingernails and wondering what to do with my particular situation. Logic is not my friend. When I was skimming through Ms. Castle's book, I noted a list of horrible things that can happen to you if you wander around with an untreated mental condition.

To my complete shock I saw that I was right on track for the worst of it - note my commentary besides each possibility! And I'm not alone -- there are an extraordinary number of people in our country suffering silently until they harm themselves or others -- including our veterans -- and the current political movement to slash the Government safety net for our countrymen (after protecting tax cuts for the wealthiest 2 %) will only make matters worse. These risks include, and once again I quote from Ms. Castle:

having your spouse or significant other get fed up and leave you; (not yet!)
having your family disown you; (many family breaks; I am quick to stomp off in a huff)
having your friends desert you; (my mate and I feel toxic-unclean-no fun! no more party invitations!)
becoming socially isolated (oh LORD yes)
missing work and getting fired, or missing school and getting expelled; (first breakdown in college; had to quit)
having massive financial problems; (yes, yes, yes - no heat, no money for mortgages, even food)
becoming dependent on underfunded government assistance; (we're trying! http://draft.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3276654011241963260#editor/target=post;postID=7892602939108406101trying!)
developing or worsening a substance abuse problem (in the sixties)
winding up in jail (NEVER)
and becoming homeless and living on the street. (barely escaped - thanks to my family)

Thanks, Ms. Castle, for painting that very true-to-life picture for what can await those who never quite grasp that there's something wrong with them, and it's not their fault! For so many years I didn't have a clue, even with a living breathing diagnosis in 1988 of "familial bipolar disorder" I didn't GET it. I remember thinking -- "well, it's not like it's 'manic depression' or anything serious!!"

But it WAS "manic depression" and it WAS serious and has ruled big chunks of my life in the worst possible way. As I said earlier, there are hundreds of thousands of us out there walking around suffering quietly (or not!) and horribly without a clue. If you think ANY of this has any relevance for you or anyone that you love, look into it, and do some basic research.

You might discover things about yourself or a family member that resonate with you, and you could be able to be of immense service to that person. You could save a life. Life CAN be better, though it might not feel like it's possible. With bipolar there is a natural beginning, middle and end to the cycle, which can sometimes take years.

Mental illness is a dangerous condition because you cannot escape your brain waves, and those brain waves can be doing all sorts of negative things, causing you to hear voices, feel paranoid, want to die -- it's such an "in the closet" sort of illness, and your reality becomes based on faulty wiring, so to speak.

Fortunately modern medicine has come up with a host of different, more sophisticated drugs for those living with mental conditions, and I urge you -- if you or someone you know is moody, secretive, despondent -- there are many signs -- see if you can get some dialogue going. Somebody might need some professional help. No stigma, no shame -- just help.

I would also argue that a combination of deep Pranayama -- ancient Hindu breathing practices to oxygenate the brain -- combined with meditation does help. However I would also admit that my capacity to engage those practices ebbs and flows depending on my capacity for discipline -- which ebbs and flows too!

I've been thinking about this sort of thing lately as Patrick and I have thrown ourselves into the Buckelew Center in Marin for people with brain disorders, learning disabilities, etc. It's quite something, really, to find yourself dealing withs a great tonic for false pride, let me tell you! But - - I've got a feeling I've found a place where I can be of real service to real people, and I've been lonely too long. It's time to take the thorn out of my own foot -- to allow myself to be healed -- and get back on the Path. Love to you all from the 'wood.

Bipolar Disorder: Reintegration and Healing

2011-02-20T16:07:00.001-08:00

What is mental illness? To quote Lana Castle from her excellent book Bipolar Disorder Demystified:

having your spouse or significant other get fed up and leave you; (not yet!)
having your family disown you; (many family breaks; I am quick to stomp off in a huff)
having your friends desert you; (my mate and I feel toxic-unclean-no fun)
becoming socially isolated (oh LORD yes)
missing work and getting fired, or missing school and getting expelled; (disabled can't work)
having massive financial problems; (yes, yes, yes - no heat, no money for mortgages)
becoming dependent on underfunded government assistance; (we're trying!)
developing or worsening a substance abuse problem (I did that in the sixties)
winding up in jail; and (NEVER)
becoming homeless and living on the street. (a few steps away)

Thanks, Ms. Castle, for painting that very true-to-life picture for what can await those who never quite grasp that there's something wrong with them, and it's not their fault! For so many years I didn't have a clue, even with a living breathing diagnosis in 1988 of "familial bipolar disorder" I didn't GET it. I remember thinking -- "well, it's not like it's 'manic depression' or anything serious!!"

But it WAS serious and has ruled big chunks of my life in the worst possible way. There are a lot of us out there -- walking around without a clue. If you think ANY of this has any relevance for you, do some reading, get out and talk to some people. Life CAN be better.

Saturday Morning Thoughts About Love

2011-01-29T10:45:00.000-08:00

Good morning, whoever it is that is out there!

To my great shock, I find that there ARE indeed people checking in on this MOST humble corner of the Wood, and I am grateful indeed for your presence. My mate encourages me to write; in fact he insists upon it for he understands how many stories there are pent up in me waiting to be told. I tell you our tale only because I am one of millions caught up in this shakedown -- I am here to represent the effect on We the People of the cataclysmic failures of the Bush administration's "All War All the Time" fiscal policies.

The other day Patrick was teasing me mercilessly about how he loved watching me type -- "your hands flying across the keyboards, your eyes intent" -- well, I lost my train of thought immediately, as I was too busy laughing to hold on to it.

I've heard a lot lately from friends speculating about how and why people choose their partners -- now I know that some of that talk refers to my choice of companions. My partner, bless him, as my shiny new psychiatrist told me, "looks like he's barely capable of taking care of himself, much less anyone else." Now this may be true, but it's something we're working on.

When I met my sweetie I was a woman of means, and I knew very definitely that he wasn't all there, so to speak. I had forgotten, however, that I too was capable of falling off the earth into the rabbit hole of cataclysmic depression, as I was in a very strong phase and had been for some years -- out working several days a week, integrated into society, and feeling way more sure of myself than I had any right to. When my youngest daughter said "good luck; you're going to need it!" I knew exactly what she meant, but the minute I buried my nose in his neck I knew I was home, and I'd rather be with Patrick than alone in this house.

When we began the project which was to drain me of all my resources, entirely -- partially due to (as said before) the financial manipulation of my business partner, not to mention the CRASH -- instead of rebounding to get ourselves steady both of us were hit with more shocks -- Patrick with septicemia from gum disease, pneumonia, massive hives all over his body, 3 accidents totaling who knows how many broken bones AND a nasty concussion -- all in the last 4 years.

As I've mentioned, during this time I was OUT. There is no way to describe a depression as total as the one I am recovering from. I imagine few of you could tolerate being in bed for a week, much less 3+ years -- but the neurons and synapses and complex brain chemicals were all set on self-destruct. I could not bear consciousness, as it meant I must deal with the loss of my security, and the utter betrayal by somebody I loved and trusted as certainly as my own child.

This post is not about betrayal, though I've much to say about that, I'll save it for the social worker. I've finally made a step for myself and called the elder abuse hotline: enough is enough. I'm a professional victim and it's GOT to stop.

No, this is about Love and how it sustains us during the dark times. This is for Patrick, who tended me as carefully as though I were his most precious jewel -- which he tells me I am -- despite his own severe injuries. When he occasionally flew off the handle about the malfeasance of the person who brought us, finally, to our knees, people close to us acted as though HE were the problem and looked away as we began to sink. The darkest things sometimes occur among family members -- odd, isn't it?

He is NOT tactful. He does NOT stop talking (ever)! He annoys people who don't understand Asperger's, a syndrome which is on the autism spectrum. He is extraordinarily highly functioning for someone who has teetered on the brink, dancing with this disorder all his life and not realizing it until lately. I adore him.

All my life because of my own frailties I have unconsciously looked for alpha men like my dear former husband, men who could protect me. Now I have gone and hooked up, made a real, lifetime commitment to a man who is struggling to get a handle on a major brain disorder so that he can help us stay in our home.

Today, being Saturday, he awoke early to set up his stand at our local farmer's market -- in Marinwood -- come on by! He sells apple products, which is amusing to me as it reminds me of cartoons I've seen of people selling apples on the street during the Great Depression. I'm thinking those apple-selling folks would not be amused, somehow.

Before he goes, he goes through the "Julie de-paining" process, which involves making hot packs for my back, which is frankly a source of constant torment, making magical medicinal tea, and making sure I have everything I need. It's something he likes to do and I am deeply grateful for it as it's a few hours before movement is really something I can think about. No one in my life has cared for me like this, never, not ever.

He has his stall next to his friend Jim, a brilliant "Heritage" Landscaper who also sells Patrick's magnificent tiny bonsai gardens. Now clearly, this isn't bringing in a massive amount of money -- but it's brought him validation during a time of his life when a lot of BLAME has been circling around him that doesn't belong to him.

Confidence, for those going out into the world during a HUGE RECESSION and already have confidence problems, is not easy to come by. If you hate rejection, if you are wounded to the quick by it, and it takes you weeks to get over a slight -- going out and persisting ain't easy.

If you have a wounded woman on your hands with two ferociously protective daughters who think you're a lazy bastard (but still love you), you might take a while recovering from their holiday visit. But my darling has an interview Monday -- he's taking his mighty brain off to the private high schools in the area, and will offer himself up as a substitute teacher. Dear Higher Power, let him have this. Please let him have this.

A big step. Of course I'm not betting the farm on this -- can't as it's mortgaged up to the hilt, ha ha!

So, this is a bit of an unusual post for me, but wish my dear Irishman luck. He needs a bit of psychic fluffing up, even from those who have never met him! Here's a picture of him at the fabulous Dickens Fair before we fell off the earth somehow, along with so many others all around the world.

For my sweet Patrick, lyrics from "Danny's Song" by Kenny Loggins:

Even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya honey
Everything will bring a chain of love
In the mornin' when I rise
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything's gonna be all right

I LOVE YOU!!

PS: HE GOT THE JOB! HE DID! WELL I MEAN AFTER THEY DETERMINE IF HE IS WANTED FOR WAR CRIMES/CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY/ SLAVE TRAFFICKING, ETC. It looks good, let's just say -- it really looks good!

My Email From President Barack Obama

2011-01-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

Hello out there!

Guess who received a more or less personal email from someone in the White House calling himself "Barack Obama"? Hint:The letter was on the email equivalent of formal stationery and was addressed, simply to "Dear Julie". He thanked me for writing him, which means somebody there read it, somebody or other.

A few months ago I wrote one of many letters to my President, as I like to feel I can chat with him from time to time. I tell him my troubles, which are so great right now and oh I feel so very small. Sometimes I praise him, sometimes I give him a piece of my mind, but I always do it as though somewhere there is someone really listening.

They choose letters for him which are representative of the People, and I like to think that maybe once my letter had been in front of him. Great to get an email; I write many letters to the Prez -- not all of them complimentary, let me say. It felt fantastic to get a response that felt somewhat specific. It made me feel I could hang on one more day; maybe Hope is still on the way, and there's still fight left in me.

I told him of my woes - mental illness, partner with a learning disability or two, in foreclosure, financially abused by a close relative, no conservator or anyone solid to help me, fighting to save my house, no heat for 3 years, sometimes hungry -- and I received an email from Mr. Obama. (well c'mon, this is a busy guy, I don't care if this was a form letter -- I've never gotten an answer from any other letter I've written to him so this feels special!)

Whether HE or someone acting in his Office read my letter or not, I don't know - but I was heard, and it felt good. That teeny, tiny little symbol just above the text of the letter below is the Seal of the President of the United States of America, which naturally they have devised a way to keep people like me from copying, but trust me, it's there!! I have left the space in the document as it was, even though I can't make the Presidential Seal appear, no matter what program I use! Here it is:

Presidential Seal

January 25, 2011

Dear Julie:

Thank you for taking the time to write. I have been moved by many Americans' letters describing their personal challenges, and I appreciate your sharing your experiences with me.

I am working diligently every day to address the hardships people like you are facing. Across our Nation, families are grappling with many difficult issues, including family separation or illness, job losses, difficulty in paying the mortgage or rent, and staggering medical bills. It took many years to create our Nation's current challenges, and it will take time to bring about the changes our families need.

We have already begun building a solid foundation to help overcome the real struggles Americans are experiencing. The changes we are making will help strengthen our communities and families, create or save millions of jobs, and fund much-needed reforms to our health care and education systems.

As we work together to improve the lives of all Americans, please know that the trials and triumphs of Americans like you motivate my Administration to work even harder to overcome the challenges before us. I am confident we will emerge from these tough times stronger than before with a renewed promise of a better future for all.

Information on jobs, child care, health benefits, housing assistance, and other public resources available to those in need can be found by calling 1-(800)-FEDINFO or by visiting: www.usa.gov. Thank you again for writing.

Sincerely,

Barack Obama

Pretty cool, eh? I thought so -- especially because he gave me resources. I desperately need to marshal my forces as the wolves circle. I felt a little better, just a little. This is truly a completely different communication than I have EVER had with the White House, bearing the Seal and the White House Logo -- a woman can dream that perhaps her President might see her letter. I suppose stranger things I have happened! In fact, I know they have! Rest well, Mr. O -- you have the toughest job in the world, I believe, particularly because you are trying to do it right.

OLBERMANN!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2011-01-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

KEITH OLBERMANN FIRED BY MSNBC (COMCAST?)

Tonight Patrick and I were watching Countdown on MSNBC, as we have for 8 years now. Nothing seemed unusual until later in the program, when I began to understand, towards the end of his show, that the words coming at me sounded suspiciously like goodbye. Patrick and I looked at one another in shock -- it couldn't be possible.

Keith Olbermann, though an abrasive figure to some, has been one of my heroes for as long as I have been watching him. He is not for the faint of heart or for those who would see this country dragged down. He used the powerful, stentorian voice he'd been given to do as much as he could to make us AWARE of what is HAPPENING in the brutal and corrupt world of the "Military-Industrial-Congressional" complex.

The man is astute and aware -- so what if he tells it like he sees it? His point of view has always been a trifle hard hitting, but hoo boy take a look at Irishman Lawrence O'Donnell if you want to see TOUGH. My god, after all these years of fanatical Fox viewers, it's great to see liberals like Keith unafraid of sticking a rough question to a guest.

I don't get it, and I'm petulant. Yeah, go MSNBC, you cowardly punks, give us more "Lockdown" -- more of your priceless prison porn. You should be ashamed of yourselves, letting go of arguably the most courageous journalist in television because of your need to be BOSSES, because of your snippy, disagreeable need to be kowtowed to. Or because you made "the Deal" with Comcast, eh?

Honestly, you all make me sick! Well, Keith -- here's to you, Mr. Olbermann -- it's been a great eight years. I hope you stick with the news business as it will be a poor place without you.

Sniffle. I'm so outraged and miserable. We all have our favorite television "friends" and I feel like I just lost one of mine. Both of us are totally depressed. We loved him, plain and simple, whether we knew him or not. We didn't consider him "cold" -- as has been said lately. We thought and think he was a heroic figure and an advocate for the frail, the sick, and those without voices. We found him to be engaged and passionate; for the most part he reserved his outrage for the truly contemptible.

We needed his penetrating insight relative to what he saw happening around him. I suppose he ruffled a few too many feathers over at old MSNBC, for whom I have lost all respect -- almost. I suspect the Comcast merger was behind it all, as they tilt towards the right. Oh Keith -- run off with Rachel and the rest and form your own network! Just an idea ... I'm in denial still, and still totally grieving over a man I've never met and who is not dead.

I mourn, though, the suddenness of his departure; my lack of preparation for it -- just like a death. How odd this is to feel, how very odd. Well, dear Keith Olbermann, figure out some way to get back to us soon as we will miss you dearly and terribly.

Love, Julie (and Patrick)