From the Desk of Bowtie...

Worst. Month. Evah.

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:01:00 +0000

Is mercury in retrograde? Is it Karma? Maybe a personal jihad on me by some jilted lover that has mercilessly appealed to the resources of the nation of Islam? Allow me to elaborate:

- Was rear-ended by this guy, who doesn't want to go through insurance, but caused my car $581 worth of damage

- Jury duty Nov. 9th-???

- Certain cable network may not pick up certain show my certain company has been blood, sweat, and tearing over for so long

- My new apartment has termites, they have to fumigate or find a way that doesn't force us to move out

- My credit card debt and loans to repay are starting to make me look like certain siblings which I promised myself I'd never make similar financial decisions as

- Furniture I purchased for the apartment is too big, trying to resell on Craigslist. Hoping to recoup some $$ but most likely won't at all

- Personal issues in my head that could probably psychokinetically harness some Carrie-caliber power and burn down a gym full of children

- I don't have a direct access to a puppy.

Sad. Panda.

When Will Dumb Hicks Get Out of Politics?

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 22:42:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

I don't really give a shit at this point in our country's history if people view me as a "liberal elite," because these are the same people that value not teaching evolution in schools, and therefore should not be allowed to run for public office. But there is another news story (one of hundreds in the past month - don't get me started on Birthers or Death Panels) that is just a perfect example of why I'm sick of ignorant, religious people in this country.

Gov. Mark Sanford of S.C. is in NO position to be criticizing potential replacements for his position, let alone in the personal sexuality department, but what disgusts me is that people think he is starting a "smear campaign" against his potential predecessor - Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer - of being gay. And? And is therefore not fit to run? What is that?!

The news broke this week when a Sanford's camp referenced a blog, popular for outing conservative politicians (love that premise, btw), that wrote up Andre Bauer, confirming stories from men who have had "relations" with him. Regardless of someone being outed, it seems only in the socially-retarded Deep South that this would be considered a reason someone is unfit to hold public office.

The most painful part of this story? Republican State Sen. Jake Knotts, an ally of Bauer's, came to his defense with this reprehensible quote:

"I have known Andre since he was eight years old," Knotts told CNN. "Ain't a homosexual bone in his body. That boy is a good boy. It's a just an attempt to prevent Andre from become governor."

Firstly, "Ain't" Jake? Really? You're a State Senator for Chrissake. Secondly, you defend him like someone called him a child pornographer, protesting that no, no, he really is a good boy! You can be gay and be good. Although you Christians, ever the neighbor-loving tolerant folk that you are, sure make it hard for gays to live their own lives without a fight. Finally, you are not helping the eventual situation of when Bauer is formally outed (because, let's face it, he probs is gay) by saying that such an accusation is reasonable grounds to prevent him from assuming the position of governor.

It makes me wish the government did have death panels, I'd sign up to oversee a few of them myself. I'm looking at you, Michele Bachmann.

Bowtie,

Bowtie

A Future Intern?

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 00:30:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

It appears this "what's with kids these days" epidemic is worse than previously thought. Is this Bronx woman serious? CNN reports...

NEW YORK (CNN) -- A recent college graduate is suing her alma mater for $72,000 -- the full cost of her tuition and then some -- because she cannot find a job.

Trina Thompson has sued her alma mater, Monroe College of New York.

Trina Thompson, 27, of the Bronx, graduated from New York's Monroe College in April with a bachelor of business administration degree in information technology.

On July 24, she filed suit against the college in Bronx Supreme Court, alleging that Monroe's "Office of Career Advancement did not help me with a full-time job placement. I am also suing them because of the stress I have been going through."

The college responded that it offers job-search support to all its students.

In her complaint, Thompson says she seeks $70,000 in reimbursement for her tuition and $2,000 to compensate for the stress of her three-month job search.

As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe's career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims.

"They're supposed to say, 'I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right -- can you interview this person?' They're not doing that," she said.

Thompson said she has fulfilled her end of the job-search bargain, peppering companies listed on Monroe's e-recruiting site with cover letters, résumés and phone calls. But no more than two employers have responded to her outreach, and those leads have borne no fruit.

Her complaint adds, "The office of career advancement information technology counselor did not make sure their Monroe e-recruiting clients call their graduates that recently finished college for an interview to get a job placement. They have not tried hard enough to help me."

She suggested that Monroe's Office of Career Advancement shows preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. "They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement," she said.

Monroe College released a statement saying that "while it is clear that no college, especially in this economy, can guarantee employment, Monroe College remains committed to working with all its students, including Ms. Thompson, who graduated only three months ago, to prepare them for careers and to support them during their job search."

Thompson says she has not hired an attorney to represent her because she cannot afford one. When she filed her complaint, she also filed a "poor person order," which exempts her from filing fees associated with the lawsuit.

Asked whether she would advise other college graduates facing job woes to sue their alma maters, Thompson said yes.

"It doesn't make any sense: They went to school for four years, and then they come out working at McDonald's and Payless. That's not what they planned."

I mean, if anybody does a Google search on this broad before hiring her and this comes up, there's no way they'll want to hire a litigious, mediocre student. So stupid, though I do applaud (and laugh at) her attempt to file a "poor person order" in lieu of a formal lawsuit.

Maybe she can be my next intern...

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Well, Now I've Seen It All...

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:03:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

WHY?!?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-q4kZDIfk0

Bowtie,

Bowtie

5 Things that Made Me Laugh This Week (Vol. 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:29:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

Again, it's time to address the hilarious and wondrous things that the internets and teevee have gifted us this week!

1. Collar clips to keep those darn collars from popping up off the shoulders of the salmon threaded-clad douchebag. Great ad by Miller.

2. Appalling racism in a 1980's informational video - not even sure what it's about, a harsh warning on the consequences of perms perhaps? Regardless, I'm flummoxed by the dialogue.

3. Lindsay Lohan being sued for stealing the formula for a spray tan and marketing it as her own. How humiliating that the first big suit against you is for something as ridiculous as spray tan! That's like a porcelain veneer company suing Paris Hilton. Oh, and how I wish they would.

4. Finding out my UCB teacher David was in this video. AND this one.

5. The fact that the below dog even exists, and that its name is Josh.

Happy weekend!

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Positive Exposure - the Documentary

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:53:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

My friend Rachel Pikelny now works for Kartemquin Films and has a personal message to share about a special project she is working on right now, so listen up! (or, rather, read up!)

Dear friends and family,

As many of you may know, I am both thrilled and proud to now be working at Kartemquin Films, one of the longest-running and most prestigious documentary companies in the world. Kartemquin's documentaries (including its best-known film, "Hoop Dreams") have won prizes at festivals throughout the world and have been broadcast nationally and internationally. Kartemquin brings the study of humanity to film by making documentaries that investigate and critique society through the lives of real people.

I'd like to tell you about an exciting project that I will be co-producing. “Positive Exposure” will follow former fashion photographer Rick Guidotti (www.positiveexposure.org) as he skillfully employs his lens to redefine beauty by photographing children who are often relegated to the shadows because of elongated limbs, cleft palates, facial markings, lack of pigmentation, and other differences that make some turn their heads. His images are not the grotesque medical studies of the past; they are celebrations of life.

Through his amazing work, Rick Guidotti is redefining beauty. Our film will have a enormous educational component, especially in middle and high schools, sensitizing youth to difference. In a society obsessed with perfection and body image, Rick’s images and the words of his young subjects will challenge the way their “normal” counterparts see and experience difference and disability.

I truly believe in this project, its message, and its power to stimulate positive change. This is why I am writing to you for your attention and help.

We are desperately seeking funding to get this project on its feet. We will use these initial development funds to travel to two genetic disease conferences this summer in order to create a demo reel that will convey to our future funders and distribution partners the far-reaching benefits Rick Guidotti’s work has on the disability community. We will also use the funds to travel with Rick this fall to Africa, where he is using his photography to fight widespread discrimination and prejudice against the Albino population.

I realize that most of you are not in a position to give at this time. However, I ask that you please pass along this information to anyone you may know who might have a personal connection to this film -- the parent of a special needs child... a friend with a disability... or anyone else who might be interested and in a position to make a donation to this important project.

Thank you so much for reading this long email. And thank you for any help you can send our way!

So if you have interest in this project in any way, let me know and I'll put you in contact with Rachel. Thanks!

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Applicant FAIL!

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:02:00 +0000

Ok, you guys, really? REALLY??

If you're applying for the position as an assistant to our President, chances are we're going to cyberstalk to vet you. And if this is one of the first google matches that comes up for you - HOLY ISH - you are screwed in this town. Or any town. Or industry. Chances are this video will impede your professional aspirations in general.

Good luck shakin' that booooootaayyyyy. Idiot.

Bowtie,

Bowtie.

Hurtling Towards the Singularity

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:23:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

After watching the documentary on the (questionably sane) prophetic futurist Ray Kurzweil and having seen the feature-length pilot for the new Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica, I'll admit it: I'm totally hooked on all things Future and the computer's inevitable entangling with humanity. Not just socially or figuratively, but physically.

Fathers cloning their dead daughters via a Cylon in "Caprica"

A friend visiting a virtual reality world where a

computer version of her dead friend exists

Actually, ever since I saw MINORITY REPORT and heard that they consulted "futurists" to determine how new technologies will interact with humans on a daily basis, I thought, "Wow, The Gap will scan my retinas to suggest what I might like buying on this trip based on what I bought last time??" Well, no, my first thought was "Futurist is a job? WTF kind of qualifications does one need for that?" But anyway, you get the point, I was sold on this whole philosophical and academic community devoted to predicting things to come. I realize I must be wary of every prediction that comes to pass - this community is just ripe for crackpots preaching dystopian battlefields a la the first TERMINATOR movie. However, I remain cautiously optimistic...

New developments such as robots downloading other robots' personalities or using tiny robots for medical purposes are just the next steps to Kurzweil's prediction about humans and robots becoming hybrid beings. No longer do the ethical concerns just consist of cloning yourself another human you, but now, downloading your thoughts and memories into a hyper-intelligent robotic entity that is given the conscious capacity for thought, reasoning, and emotions. At what point do we declare it worthy of the rights of humanity? Does it share your identity, and therefore, social security and bank accounts? Or at what point does a robotically-enhanced human lose the status of homo sapien sapien? We mock surgically-enhanced women of not being all real, but truly we soon will have robotic joints and potentially memory-enhancing microbes injected into our brains - so will we then become not human?

I suppose when we reach this "Singularity" as the experts call it, we will have to breach from the current taxonomy and create a new species: Homo Sapien Computus? This is no doubt an inevitability - but how exciting it is to think of a whole world of Chips from NOT QUITE HUMAN??

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself with the human robots - if you want to think of computer progress helping humans in the next 5 years - the key words are: information, portability, access, technology, metadata, economy. And with those in mind, I think of this great presentation at the last TED conference of how augmented reality (soon to be in contact lenses??) will literally be worn around our necks. Don't even get me started on Apple's patent for using piezoelectricity in their future handhelds....Ok, I'm getting worked up, must. stop. nerding. out.

If you're on Twitter, follow @futureaware for amassing all news and trends of the #future as they tag it.

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Grossness Outside my Office Window

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:35:00 +0000

Ok, so I'm 25 floors up, I get it, there are a lot of birds and helicopters up here. But I usually don't pay much attention to them. Until today.

I heard a bird screeching noise getting very close to my window. I looked out and saw a very pretty, but large hawk sitting on the ledge. That's when I noticed it had something in its talons.

A small bird. And it's been devouring it for the past 20 minutes...blood, sinewy tendons, and feathers ALL OVER the ledge now. Have officially lost my appetite.

5 Things That Made Me Laugh This Week

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:55:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

It's technically "Friday" since it's a holiday weekend, so are you ready to check out and have a laugh? Allow me to share some of my favorite funny things from the week:

1. 50 Best Pun-Named Stores

2. Canadian Football League Player's Tribute to MJ in the Endzone

3. Michael K from DListed's account of Danielle from Real Housewives of New Jersey's stint as a soap opera actress

4. The below email exchange of my sister explaining why her wanting a sub shop to cater her 2010 wedding may be the reason it's not happening:

5. This account of Bernie Madoff's Handjob ponzi scheme in jail from Daily Show, courtesy of John Oliver. The financials get tricky!

Enjoy, Dear Readers, and have a great 4th of July!

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Punch Brothers in LA (featuring Fiona Apple, Sean and Sara Watkins!)

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:05:00 +0000

Jon and I went to the Punch Brothers concert last night at the acoustically-amazing, yet socially-inhibitive Largo at the Coronet Theater. (No talking, no coming in late, no drinking, no pictures, no laughing, no clapping...you get the point.) Besides the uppity venue, the performances never fail to disappoint. They played a great mix of their old album, some great new songs which make me very excited for their next LP, and as always, great covers.

The thing I love about the PB is that they are a collection of very talented individuals - all accomplished masters in their respective fields - that come together to create a perfect storm of harmonies (even bizarre, fun cacophonies), as well as a highly-entertaining on-stage performance. Their chemistry and banter adds a lot to the dynamic of their playing. Gabe Witcher is by far the most amazing fiddle player I've ever seen/heard. And Noam "Pickles" Pikelny is the perfect "straight man" to Chris Thile's smiling fool he tends to play on-stage.

The boys managed to play all 4 movements of "Blind Leaving the Blind," though in varying order, as well as an amazing cover of "2+2=5" by Radiohead. Other cover favorites were the White Stripes' "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" (as Chris Thile tipped his hat to Jack White remarking of the song: "[Jack] may or may not have meant to write one of the best bluegrass songs of all time.") and "How to Grow A Woman From the Ground" by Tom Brosseau.

But the obvious highlight for me was not only their cover of Fiona Apple's "On the Bound" - but then they brought out Fiona herself to join them in a rendition of "Walking After Midnight." Fiona, as she seems to be in all her Largo cameos (she did the same at the Watkins Family Hour I saw with Jon last year), was very "surprised" to be called on-stage and acted very nervous and humble. Shut up, Fiona, your voice is sick, you know why you're there. I did think she looked a little haggard, mentioned to Jon she almost looked like a older, rougher Miley Cyrus. He nodded and added "A VERY rough Miley Cyrus." Poor Fiona. Maybe a comb, would do her a good? Ok, bad lyric joke.

More fun was had when Chris called out his old Nickel Creek counterparts (Sara and Sean Watkins - or as I like to refer to them, Bossy and Fat Hobbit) for some great harmonies and even a very cool encore performance of them playing acoustic on the very front of the stage.

After the show it was great to see Noam again and catch up, as well as see a hovering Ed Helms by the green room door, trying to get back stage. As I texted my friend Rachel Pikelny (Noam's brother's wife and my old roomie from college) about this, she explained that they had all hung out with Ed Helms a lot that past week at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival because he's a big PB fan and an avid banjo player. Too bad Steve Martin didn't come out, that would have made my night!

All in all, it's always invigorating to see that much talent in one room, and the guest appearances are such a great bonus and make the ticket prices that much more worth it. Can't wait for their new album which should be coming out (per Noam) sometime in early 2010.

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Separated at Birth: Rumer Willis and Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:22:00 +0000

The GOP is killing the GOP

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:24:00 +0000

I'm motivated by this article from the Washington Post to address an obvious dilemma, one that the Republican party is so stupidly ignoring: your stance as the "high-moral ground" party, defending Christian beliefs and rights in the name of the Constitution, falls flat when you do not emulate those principles.

I've had so many debates with my lovely and smart boyfriend, Jon, about all of my grievances with this collection of snake-oil salesmen that call themselves the GOP these days, but Jon had the best point that ends my argument flat: the historical legacy of conservatism in America has nothing to do with what we call the Religious Right today. Think about it, conservative Republican once meant someone who believed in small government (not just fiscally, but socially) and was not dictated by a Christian agenda that (surprise!) demands big government when it comes to meddling in people's personal social rights. At some point in the past century, the Christian Right hijacked this political party as its own. Or, perhaps more truthfully, some power-hungry Republicans realized that capturing the hearts and minds of middle America was as easy as bringing together church and state. And abracadabra, you have a powerful, core constituency that will always vote your way because you ordain it so in the name of God.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, the Vatican has been using this trick since the Dark Ages. Hell, this is why religion was formed in the first place - to fulfill the superstitious tendencies of unenlightened subjects and wield them tame to lords. What better security policy is there than an imaginary man that can smite you from the Heavens, but He can never be seen until you're dead? But I digress.

Back to the GOP. So good for you, you figured out how to manipulate the gullible masses. Now all you have to do is to live up to those principles you spit from your lofty pulpit. Maybe you're not the best Christian yourself, but at least don't be cavalier about it. Try to keep the man behind the curtain under wraps! And yet, there is the constant stream of conservative Republican politicians that are forced to "come clean" (only after they're caught) about extramarital affairs (not always hetero). "Let he cast the first stone"... eh boys?

Here is S.C. Govenor Sanford giving an interview about gay marriage. Keep in mind this was 5 months into his affair. My opinion is, if you are sullying the sanctity of this most divine institution, you should not be allowed to determine who can enter into matrimony!

And then there is Nevada Senator Ensign who so viciously denounced Democrats caught in sexual scandals, calling on them to resign! But is he going to resign? Nope.

Don't get me started on Sarah Palin endorsing Bristol Palin being the new spokes-bitch for abstinence-only education...

So you see, when the conservative constituents have these as their leaders, and Rush Limbaugh as their mouthpiece, no wonder they're going off and murdering abortion doctors. Because with this logic, murder is the best way to send a message that murdering is wrong. Murder and a dearth of logic in the name of religious activism, I mean, c'mon, we may as well be in the Inquisitions. It's sad that in 2009, we still face this ignorance.

My closing message: If you want to save your party, GOP, ditch the Christian agenda and return to your true conservative roots. Take a page from the Log Cabin Republicans playbook and get in touch with the reality of our country today (or maybe just the coastal states). And maybe then the whiny, liberal elite media might take you seriously and give you favorable airtime. Maybe.

You Can't Fix Stupid: An Open Letter to Interns Everywhere

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:20:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

Second post, and already we have a rant afoot! Gird your loins! (That has no relevance on the topic, but I just love imagining Stanley Tucci roaring that in Devil Wears Prada.)

Ok, so I'm not saying my generation (Y? Z? One before Millennials, right?) is this "greatest generation" by any means. But I think it's pretty objectively agreed that as we progress in our society and culture, each new batch of ankle-biters are raised in more favorable circumstances and, with help from technology, everything comes much easier and faster. This creates a population of young, enfranchised, entitled, ADD yutes (as my dad, and my cousin vinny would say) that think their life is going to be a cake walk.

I say this because of my experience with interns over the past year. Honestly? WTF, guys. You're not that much younger than me, and yet it seems you emerge, bleary-eyed and hungover from college, expecting to trip into a full-time job above an assistant position. IN HOLLYWOOD.

Nuh Uh. Not how it works. Sure, you had a friendly advisor or family friend refer you to the coveted, yet elusive UTA joblist. Sure you copied a cover letter template and tried to use active voice in your resume bullet points, but it seems the (minimal) effort stopped there.

How many times do I have to show you how to use the phones, after you've read the manual as well? Remember how we have to screen calls for the boss? This means you also have to ask who's calling. Did you order the replacement Expo dry erase board cleaner like I asked? No, you ordered a gallon tub of cleaning fluid and then 3 empty windex bottles. What did you come in here to ask me? Oh, you don't remember? Then why are you still standing here? You need this week off too? Ok, sure I understand you're not getting paid, but you've taken 4 vacations in the last 2 months and I'm starting to question your commitment. No, no, I understand, Fright Night at Disney is important.

Oh, and BTDubs? You friended me on Facebook, so stop posting snarky comments about all the "bitchwork" you're forced to do all day. Guess what? You're an INTERN.

Oh, what's that? You think you should be first in line to get a job, should we be hiring? Well, seeing as how none of your work directly contributed to advancing our company and actually, at times, hindered our efficiency, no, no you're not our first candidate. The 260 resumes I just got of experienced, qualified individuals might get preferential treatment. So hey, best of luck, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. And don't think I don't know about all those office supplies you stole.

Bowtie,

Bowtie

Blogging - More Work Than Twitter!

noreply@blogger.com (Ally) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:33:00 +0000

Dear Readers, (if there are any)

Blogging seems to take WAY more dedication than Twitter, which is why this stint in blogging may be short-lived. Can I honestly commit to topical, interesting thoughts that run more than 140 characters? I suppose this very fact can act as a filter to only allow worthy content of being composed. But as you can probably tell this far into my blog, "worthy content" is nowhere to be found! I also don't hope this blog becomes a forum for mere rants and raves. If all goes according to plan, I may have actual lessons to impart, or fun reviews to dole out to enraptured readers. Are there readers? "When a tree falls" I guess.

Ok, well, since I've already mentioned blogging and Twitter, allow me to entertain you with this limerick, which I enjoyed composing on the fly:

To all those who think they hate Twitter

Just know that you sound oddly bitter

You're on Facebook and

Myspace for your band

So shit or get off the damn shitter

ah-thank you.

Bowtie,

Bowtie