From the Mind of a Mad Man

The Cats with Guns Post

2012-09-24T09:35:00.001-07:00

Alright... today I thought I would do a little post for all the cat people out there.... ...but with a terrifying spin! So.... I proudly present today... The Cats With Guns Post!! I know what your saying.... Finally right?! Well to be honest... I have actually long wanted to out these furry little demon creatures for what they really are.... Cold blooded killers!!! Yep.. Now I

The Drive Thru Post

2012-09-17T09:42:00.002-07:00

Welcome back everyone... Today we are gonna talk about the drive thru. Something we all know.... Something many of us even love... This guy knows what Im talking about!! Well.... in fact... The "drive thru" is a love affair that for many of us... ... started at a very early age... Yep... Cant you remember back to your very first drive thru toy!! Like this one... That perfect

My Dirty Romance Novel

2012-09-10T08:20:00.003-07:00

We embraced..... He whispered to me in a low voice how he was going to ravage me.... I couldn't wait!! He kissed on my thigh... I had shivers..... He ran his tongue down my lower stomach... Magic... He rubbed his junk on my armpit??? And well.... That was just kinda weird??? But... Whatever... We moved on.... Back to the sexytime... And before it got crazy hot.... And it would...

Season 3 Of This Blog

2012-09-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

Starts September 10th.... Yep a whole new season of weird pictures and awkward captions!! And I promise this season we are going..... ...bigger than ever! Its gonna be much much more.... .... revealing?? Yep..... no more.... .....lazy shortcuts for this blogger! Im firing up all my computers this season.... In fact... Im going to be using my newest creation.... The "

The Slurpee Post

2012-07-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to the blog everyone... Alright.... by now.... wherever you are.... Your SUMMER is probably off to a good start! Which is great! And I for one... Hope you are all out enjoying every bit of it... Enjoying those outdoor activities.... No matter how dangerous!! Like this guy! Who loves summer so freekin much every year!! But sadly.... Often spends the rest of it like this? And

The Fourth Of July Post 2012

2012-07-04T08:38:00.002-07:00

Hey everyone... I wanted to take a quick second... and wish you all a happy 4th of July!! Cause personally... I really love this holiday!! Well...... in fact I love just about all holidays.... with the possible exception of Easter.... It was just always kinda creepy... and oddly cameltoe-ish? But whatever.... Moving on... Its the Fourth... A holiday all about... "Breaking out the

Guest Posting Today

2012-06-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

I am guest writing today over at.... www.tossingitout.blogspot.com And it went GREAT!!! I didnt even have to leave the comfort of my own house... I just sat down and typed on my new.... Keyboard pants!!! Which are always sooo convenient!! Though I wish they made keyboard boxers?? Anyways.... Go check it out!! And blog ya'll soon!!!

The Potato Chip Post

2012-06-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

So lets discuss potato chips today..... shall we. Cause... um.... Who doesn't like potato chips...right? Well I know I do.... And if I'm honest... The potato chip has always "been there for me"... In fact I remember growing up... ...with night after night of that "amazingly filling" ...potato chip casserole!! Mmm! Yep... and I fondly remember getting all those "potato chip puzzles" each

The Post After The Last Post....Post

2012-06-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

`Alright so Im back from my blog break? Which I desperately needed... Honestly I just needed a little recharge... I needed to sit down and .... Clean out some of the filth in my computer.... Cause the truth is.... I show some pretty messed up pictures on this site.... ....and I had file after file of them.... Sure some are funny.... And cute.... But many more tend to be... Deeply

#1 of 14 The Furniture War

2012-06-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here we are at #1 My favorite post.... A post that "Garage Sale Magazine" reviewed as.... "A disturbingly sad post that must have led to the Most Perverted Garage Sale Ever!!" Anyways here it is.... The Furniture War Lets get right to it today..... shall we? You see.... moving day is fast approaching for me.... And the lady and I..... have been spending time "going through each of our our

#2 of 14 Gold Diggers

2012-06-14T10:50:00.001-07:00

Here we are at my #2 favorite post... A post that's close to my heart. You see.... my family had an actual "gold digger" enter our lives last year and... well... I wrote about it. So... Heres that educational little post I called... "How to get rid of your gold digger!" But first... Lets discuss the "gold digger". And more specifically... how to identify one... Cause maybe you already

#3 of 14 A letter to a "Younger Me"??

2012-06-12T15:19:00.002-07:00

Here's my 3rd favorite... A post my therapist calls "extremely telling"?? Anyways here it is.... The "letter to a younger me" post.. Alright..... So I noticed on another blog recently... ... that occasionally some bloggers write letters... ... to their younger selves?? Really? Well apparently its a therapeutic way to deal with the past? Huh? Well I'll be damned...... If everyone else

#4 of 14 The Dog Post

2012-06-11T13:30:00.001-07:00

Heres my 4th favorite.... A post that kinda.... ... TUGS at both your heart strings and your infants.... Its The Dog Post So my girlfriend wants to get a dog!!! Yep.... She wants one of those furry little monsters!!! I know right??? What the hell??? Well its as she put it..... "I need SOMEONE in this house to actually listen to me!!!" "Huh?" I responded... Anyways... Why a dog I

#5 of 14 The Worst Day Ever Post

2012-06-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

Are you having a bad day... Well this day was probably worse!!! Feel free to laugh at my misfortune... Here's my #5 favorite post... And remember... a lot of tears went into this post... So enjoy... you monsters!!! Welcome back to the blog everyone... I have to get something off my chest.. Which is nowhere near as "super-powered" as this nerd... er... guys chest is... But whatever...

#6 of 14 The Flasher Post

2012-06-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

This brings us to my #6 favorite??... (uncomfortable laughter) Or my #1 post.... in terms of blurred out nudity? Anyways here it is.... (putting on my trench coat) The Flasher Post... So... here we go. The flasher post! Allow me first to preface this by saying I was recently flashed. True! I work downtown Portland ... and bam!! It happened. Right on the corner of 14th and Burnside this lady

#7 of 14 The Fall of Santa Claus

2012-06-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

Number 7 takes us back to Christmas time.... For a 100% true post that just may surprise you!!! It's time for the Santa post. Now....obviously we all know his story.... the North Pole.... the reindeer...... the sleigh .... the collecting of "small people to work his sweat-shop" We all get it. A man so beloved.... by almost everyone..... But also a man ....."crazy terrifying"... to a few.

#8 of 14 The Breakfast Post

2012-06-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

Alright everybody Im hungry! So it made me think of this..... A post rated #8th favorite by crazy "Miami cannibals" everywhere. Here ya go... The BREAKFAST Post Welcome back everybody...... Now...... Im just gonna come out and say it... I believe in alien mind control!!! No wait.... Wait... That's for a totally different post.... um... Today's post was supposed to be.... How I freekin

#9 of 14 The Wedding Proposal Post

2012-05-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

Here we are at #9 A post voted 9th best by narcolepticbloggers.com! Which by the way..... has the most frustrating posts. You see their writing always starts off interesting but quickly ends up looking like....

#10 The Kim Jong Il Roast

2012-05-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

We arrive at #10 of my personal favorite posts. And this one.... well... this was a kind of obituary/roast really. Its the way he would have wanted it.... I like to think. "A fitting tribute to a powerful ass... er.. man." I like to call it. Anyways here ya go.... We break from the planned Christmas post today for BREAKING NEWS. North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has passed away at the

#11 of 14.... Readers allow me to date you!

2012-05-28T11:26:00.005-07:00

As we continue my list of favorite "therapy inspiring" posts... Here's my #11 favorite. A post where you and I date? Sound weird? Well I guess it kinda is? Anyways here ya go.... The If I Could Date My Readers Post Welcome back to the blog everybody... For todays post.... Lets all slip into something a little more comfortable...shall we? Um... Maybe not quite THAT comfortable readers!

#12 of 14 The Reasons We Dream What We Dream Post

2012-05-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

Oh man... Just woke up from a nap at work today... And realized I needed to put out my #12 favorite post.. And you know.... I was having the best DREAM... In it I was running Facebook... Yep! And I had added a "Get over yourself" button... ... right next to the "like" button... It was freekin genius!! But whatever Steve!! (get over yourself) And post the new post... Ok.... Here it

#13 of 14 The Cake Post

2012-05-25T14:53:00.002-07:00

Here we go with my personal #13th favorite post.... A post absolutely hated by the gluten-intolerant! And people who "fear desserts" for some strange reason? Ready for it? Here it is... The Cake Post Alright..... today's topic is simple. Its cake.... I enjoy cake...... You probably enjoy cake... Who doesn't? Even celebrities enjoy a tasty little slice from time to time... For

#14 of 14 The Pumpkin Post

2012-05-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

So here we go.... vegans everywhere voted this their least favorite..Cause of "the screaming of the pumpkins"I voted it my 14th fave..... The Pumpkin Post Welcome back everybody. I thought that today... In keeping with the October post theme... We could discuss carving pumpkins. You see each year I normally go to a friends pumpkin carving party... People eat, drink, carve pumpkins...

Im writing a BOOK!!

2012-05-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody! Welcome back... You know after my last post.... Quite a few of you commented that I should write a BOOK??? Huh? Really? Well.... after quickly forwarding your comments to my high school guidance counsel.... With a note that read... "See somebody thinks I can be more than a janitor...ass!!!" And then some heavy staring at books on shelves.... and other "book related" deep

The Worst Business Meeting Ever

2012-05-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

So I had a couple "important" meetings this week... You know the ones where everyone sits at some long table.... And pitches the ideas they came up with last night at the bar.... Now being that I manage a restaurant... Well I had a couple ideas to pitch! What a great idea right? And way better than the napkin ideas I used to write at the bar... Gotta say... Never a "successful"