Julia Sherred: From the Mundane to the Insane

One Of Those Days...

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 08:12:00 +0000

(This will be my last post on this blog. From now on all blogs will be posted to http://juliasherred.com/blog/ and remember there is the main site as well that is updated many times throughout the day http://juliasherred.com. Please remember to add them to your rss feeds if you are a regular reader of this blog)

You know the days that I am talking about. Where you wake up and you just know its going to be one of those. Where you wake up and you feel as if someone once again stole your body while you were sleeping, ran an octoathalon and then returned it without your knowledge. Where you see the signs of daylight peaking through your blinds, taunting you and you just want to throw your pillow over your head and tell the sun to go back to bed, only to remember you have a lot to do.

Then you walk down the hall in zombie mode. You go through the automated motions of making coffee, saying good morning to the kids and head to your office waiting for the coffee to finish. There are many things out of the norm that part of you brain picks up on but you and Self are not fully communicating with each other just yet. Self is yelling at you in the back of your mind but you tell it to shut up because you haven't had the blessed coffee yet.

Mechanically you check your e-mails, overnight tweets, Facebook and surf other sites that are part of your waking up routine. But Self won't stop nagging at you. You wave your hand at Self to shoo it away as if it were some annoying fly buzzing around your head.

Ah, you hear the coffee is done. So back down the hall you head, robotically. You grab your mug, fill it with coffee and add your cream and sugar. You look over into the living room and say, "Self something doesn't seem right." Self replies, "I have been trying to tell you..." "Shhhhhhhhh, I haven't had my coffee yet", you respond before Self has time to finish its sentence.

Back to the office you head, coffee in hand. You sit and stare in a complete daze at your computer screen, unblinking. Moments pass, maybe even minutes before you realize you are staring and were about to do something, only you do not remember what. You sip your coffee as if it were nectar from the gods. "Something doesn't feel right" you say to Self. Self tries to speak up again but you shut it down quickly.

15 minutes later, you realize your coffee is done and it is time to go get your second cup. Now you are a little more open to communication. As you are pouring your second cup you notice that your feet and the bottom of your sweat pants are wet. Why would they be wet? Self, not feeling brave enough to speak up, "I have been trying to tell you!" You look over at the fish tank and notice that there is 3 inches of water missing from it. What the hell? Self is now annoyed, "I have been trying to tell you!!! But no, you won't listen to me yet again!" FUCK!

You put down your cup of coffee and walk over the fish tank to see water all over the floor. You pull it away from the wall to find the water pump has sprung a leak. You grab towels to clean up the mess and that is when you definitely know its going to be one of those days. Once you have cleaned up the water and refilled the tank, you grab your coffee and head back to your office wishing you had nothing to do.

But you have a lot to do. All day long your find yourself completely spacing out and having to snap yourself back to reality. It one of those days where things normally guaranteed to perk you up and bring you to reality, fail miserably. And you cannot afford this. Especially when you are going away in a few days and have a list 9.4605284 × 1015 meters long needing to get done and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the upcoming week to get it all done.

Your day is full of just going through the motions. Nothing seems real. Everything is in a thick, heavy fog. You go back into the living room every few moments to make sure it is not yet again flooded. The minutes of the day swing from dragging on to all of a sudden realizing 30 minutes or more have passed with you doing nothing but staring off into other worlds. These other worlds you don't even know what they were. It would be okay if the other worlds were inspiring productive ideas but they are just black holes. You just come to realization that you were lost somewhere unknown. The day is many variations of the above.

You start to hear things. Strange noises, such as the sound of dripping water coming from your ceiling. You look up and down and all around trying to find the source of this noise. Seeing nothing, you realize you are just paranoid because of the mess you found earlier when you finally became somewhat aware of your surroundings. These noises won't stop. You keep swinging back and forth between getting sucked into the void to becoming aware of things around you. You hear the noises many many times and everytime you look, nothing is there to make them. The noises are taunting you.

Then you look over a final time because you are yet again hearing these strange noises (and even so you look over, you expect not to see anything) only to find something standing there. It is a figure of some sort. It takes a moment for you to comprehend all that is going on in your environment. You were not expecting to see anything and something is there and making noise none the less. Your heart leaps into your throat (especially since not to long ago your house was broken into in the middle of the night while everyone was in it) and you scream WHAT THE FUCK. Then you come to the realization that it is your child making Darth Vadar noises. You break down into tears and start to shake uncontrollably. Your normally sweet child has just transformed into some type of demon monster and starts to laugh uncontrollably because he just scared the living shit right out of you.

Tears start to stream down you face. The demon spawn is very proud of himself. One of the reasons why he is so proud is because you have a habit of scaring him yourself. You do not mean to though. It is never purposeful. You are just a quiet person and the child gets lost in his own little worlds while he is playing video games. You go into the kitchen to do something and he jumps after you have been there for a while asking, "When and how did you get there?" Your child thinks you have the ability to apparate. You remind him if you could apparate there would be a definite cracking noise everytime you did so.

Regardless of the above, the demon spawn has made it his life's mission to try and scare you. He tries to sneak up on you at every opportunity and startle you. But it does not work as the demon spawn is never quiet enough. Finally he has victory! And he wasn't even trying. However, due to your lack of awareness throughout the day and you finally sticking a gag in Self's mouth, you have no warning that the demon spawn is approaching your office. He won't stop laughing and you can't stop crying and shaking.

Poor demon spawn starts to think you are angry. So you have to give him a hug and kiss and reassure him, no my love I am not angry. Today is just one of those days... Happy in the knowledge you are not in fact angry or upset with him, away he goes. Every now and then you hear him laugh and snicker and yell down the hall, "I still can't believe I finally got you!"

Yes today has been one of those days for me.
julia sherred

Name Game

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:12:00 +0000

Every once in awhile I run across a Facebook note where I think, "HA! That would be funny to do." Here is one such note:

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Julia Christine Sherred

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus -izzle.): Julizzle

3. YOUR SPY NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal): Blue Tiger

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on): Christine Hawke

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name): Sheju

6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink): Purple Coffee

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name): UESACCS

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents' middle names): Mary Ernest

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets): Black Fish

10. Your ghetto girl name (first 3 letters of your first name and add -iqua): Juliqua

11. Porn Star name: (Name of your first pet and the first street you lived on): Skipper Beaver (Beaver isn't the first street but its the first street I remember living on)

Are you brave enough to share your names with me?
julia sherred

And The Countdown Begins

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 08:21:00 +0000

Today is the 1st of August. Do you know what that means? That means it is one more month until I leave for Seattle for PAX09!

I am so excited! On Thursday, I bought the supplies to make my costume for the Pre-PAX TriWizard Drinking Tournament and the dance off dual between myself and the Slytherin Muggle. SQUEE! My costume is going to rock! I have decided to go as a younger, sexy version of Professor McGonagall. I cannot wait to unveil my costume when the time comes.

Now not only am I counting down to PAX, but I am also counting down to another vacation. In 13 more days, I will be going on a short vacation. It has been almost 2 years since I have gone anywhere. It is long overdue. So of course I am beyond excited that I will be going on 2 vacations in as many weeks. The anticipation is started to really eat at me. Hopefully I remain sane waiting.

Can I has vacations yet? KTHXBAI

julia sherred

Well Its Somewhat Finally Done

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:40:00 +0000

After being two months being behind schedule, my website is done. Well at least for the time being. My blog will also be moving as well. So if you subscribe to my blog, there are two new sites to add to your reader/feeds: juliasherred.com and juliasherred.com/blog.

I am not happy with the format of the blog how it is now so that will be changing shortly. But after working on my site for the last 24 hours straight, I think its time for a break. And I still haven't gotten all my programs back for my computer after the dreaded reformat.

There is another site that will be coming shortly as well that solely focuses on the independent artists that I play on Party 934. You will have to watch the other sites for more information on that.

For the next little while, I will post both to here and my new blog until everyone has a chance to move over. I will post a farewell when this blog finally goes to bed. It has outlived its usefulness.

julia sherred

I Win 12 Internets!

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:26:00 +0000

So my friend @cwknight asked for people to send him dirty text messages today. At the end of the day, he would pick a winner for best message.

He received some interesting messages, some of which you can read here. They involve donkey shows and peanut butter, chili dogs, dishwashers and a bunch of other things that are confusing. I decided text messages were amateur and decided to leave him a voicemail because A: I do not have a cell phone (*gasp*) and B: voice mail is so much better. AND I WON! I WON 12 INTERNETS!

Now really you should go read his blog cause there is some funny shit on it, but if you are too lazy, you can listen to my winning submission here. According to @cwknight this is why I won: "Audio, Web 2.0 company mentions, AND a sexy sign-off? How could she lose?!"

On another note, it was interesting after I left that messages how many other requests I had for messages on their voice mails. A couple people told me I should start a business of phoning people and leaving them weird messages. Maybe on day HA!

julia sherred

Dear Technology,

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 02:09:00 +0000

It is with a heavy heart that I write you this letter. I am really sorry to say this, but our love affair must come to an end. If we do not take a break now I am afraid that it will only end up in divorce. I wrote you a warning once before, however it looks like you did not take me seriously. Truly, I am sorry.

I RAM your motherboard, I unzip your files, I fill your empty slots and you turn on me. When you asked me if it was okay to stick a Trojan on my hard drive, I thought it was foreplay. I did not realize you were serious. When you asked if you could dangle your worm in my..., well you get the idea. The days of me FlickR'ing your YouTube in return for you Twittering my Yahoo are at an end. It is time for me to reformat our relationship. Maybe once that is done we can re-examine our relationship.

Believe me when I tell you, I plan on sleeping around while on this break. When I have calmed down and had a chance to decide if our relationship is what I want, we can talk. If we decide we can continue this love affair that has lasted a lifetime, you better not pull a Rachel or this will be your future:

Yours truly,

Jules

julia sherred

Heffalumps and Woozles

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 05:34:00 +0000

When I was a child I spent a lot of time in imaginary worlds. It was necessary for my survival to escape. Luckily I had a great imagination to escape into. I use to do a lot of role playing. Not the sit around the table, roll dice type of role playing (but that is so cool too) but I would step into these characters, run around and be them for hours at a time whenever I had time to escape life. When I played Transformers with my friends, we WERE Transformers. We didn't play with toys. The same goes for G.I. Joe, He-Man and She-Ra, Justice League and a myriad of other characters. In those games I was anyone else but me. I needed to be anyone else but me. These escapes into other worlds is probably one of the reasons why I love acting to this day, why acting is still a vital part of my personal mental health program. My childhood was not a happy one. My mother is an alcoholic and she is bipolar. Not a great combination. For as long as I can remember, I was the mom of the family. It was my job to take care of my mother and my little sister. Most of my time was spent being an adult and not a child.

Despite the troubled childhood, I do have wonderful memories about those years and a few good memories of my mother. I wrote before I owe my love of gaming and games to her. My love for books and reading is also due to her. There was nothing I looked forward to more as a child than the moments where my mom would take time out of her life for my sister and I. Times where my sister and I were not a distant afterthought. Those moments normally involved being read to.

The book she would read to us most often was Winnie The Pooh. She would read to us out of this ancient copy (in our pre-6 year old minds it was ancient) which belonged to her brother when he was our age. It had a brown hardcover with a red inlayed outline of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet. The pages were yellowed with age. When you opened up the pages, a wonderfully comforting musty smell would waft out. On the inside cover, which was wallpapered with a repeating image of the single cover image, was an inscription stating whom the book belonged to and whom it was from. It was perfect. My sister and I knew magic was about to happen when our mom would pull out the book and tell us she was about to read.

When she read, she was full of life. She would make voices for all of the characters and read to us with great enthusiasm. It was like listening to a full orchestra. There was a richness and fullness to her voice. Her voice would rise and fall, slow down and speed up, ebb and flow. She was animated and happy. We were happy. My sister and I would listen intently as she very carefully unravelled the story for us, vividly painting pictures in our heads of the adventures of Christopher Robin and his toys. Winnie the Pooh made us a family. So it is of no surprise that my sister and I would take these stories and make them our own reality.

When my sister and I were younger, we lived on two properties that had a ton of acreage. The first of these properties had a little bridge over a little creek. The property was so vast, we would have to drive golf carts to get from one area to the next if we wanted to get anywhere in good time. But on days when we were in no hurry, on days where we had moments to escape, my sister and I would walk down the road and visit the creek. This creek was the source of much amusement. On the banks, grew watercrest. Sometimes we would pick the watercrest and pretend we were proper ladies eating watercrest sandwiches. But most of the time, we would play Pooh Sticks.

My sister and I would take our times finding just the right sticks or pine cones for this game. After all, a lot is at stake during such a game as Pooh Sticks. This is not a decision you make lightly as any old stick will not do. After we had found our lucky sticks, we would very ceremoniously walk to the dropping point. I am sure that we had rehearsed dialogue that would take place as all of this happened, but to this day I cannot remember it. All I remember was the anticipation that we felt finding the stick. My sister and I ensuring we did not rush the decision that will either cause us win or lose. Making sure that every moment of the escape was exact and picture perfect. We would drop our sticks very solemnly and then quickly run to the other side of the bridge to see who's stick appeared first thus declairing the victor. Once in awhile we would imagine Eyeore floating under the bridge with out sticks. From time to time, we would include extra sticks and pretend all of the animals from the 100 Acre Wood were there playing with us. And if it was I who lost or my sister, we would start up some conversation directly out of Winnie the Pooh about how the stick needs to be dropped in a twitchy sort of way or other such methods for effective stick dropping that would enable victory.

Our own Adventures of Winnie the Pooh did not end there. We moved to another place that had acreage. The property was not as vast but there was more usable forest, allowing us to take our role playing to a whole new level. Heffalump hunting! We would spend hours upon hours digging Heffalump traps, covering them with pine branches and pine needles, and making sure our tracks were covered while we found a place to hide and wait. Wait for those sneaky Heffalumps to show their faces. Wait for the perfect moment for us to jump out from our hiding place and surprise them while springing the trap. Because if you are not smart and if you are not careful those tricky Heffalumps will sneak up behind you and steal all your honey! We would also spend many hours with our noses to the ground following Heffalump tracks. This is very tricky business. You have to tiptoe ever so quietly because if you make a noise you are bound to be Heffalump food. If by chance we broke a twig, heard a snap or a rustle in the woods, or even the noise of any bug or animal, we would yell and jump for the nearest cover. We would shoosh each other and try our best to breathe ever so quietly and pray the approaching Heffalump would not find us. This is very serious business. If you ever had the unfortunate circumstance to run into a Heffalump (such as my sister and I did on many an occasion) you would understand why. They are not exactly the friendliest of creatures.

There were other Winnie the Pooh adventures we would reinact from time to time, but none gave us more pleasure than playing Pooh Sticks and going Heffalump Hunting. Those memories stand out the most. Those two games were the beginning of many years stepping out of reality and stepping into fantasy. Those two games allowed me to be free. Those two games allowed me to be a child.

Winnie the Pooh will probably be my favourite book for the rest of my life. When I was growing up, I could not wait for the day that I could impart on my own children the joy and wonder that is Winnie the Pooh, for the days when we would have our own Adventures in the 100 Acre Wood.

Winnie the Pooh may be a silly old bear but he is my silly old bear.

julia sherred

Woman's Worth

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 05:11:00 +0000

Yet again So You Think You Can Dance has left me at a complete loss for real words and brought me to tears. Tyce Diorio is brilliant. This number will go down as one of my favourites. Even Nigel cried. This piece is applicable to anyone who has been affected directly (either them self, friend or a family member) by a potentially fatal illness.

Mia sums it best when she says those with cancer worry more about those around them being okay than them self. It touched me deeply as this is on the heels on my own writing of what it is like to live with lupus and how it hurts us to watch those around us suffer as they have to sit by helpless as we fight the illness.

Thank you Tyce, from the bottom of my heart. You are beautiful.

julia sherred

Funny Is All I've Got

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:59:00 +0000

I just had the best date ever! My youngest and I went out for dinner and it was awesome. Thankfully he is still at the age where it is still cool to be seen with your mom in public. My oldest is at that age where it isn't really all that cool anymore and is always out with his friends. My youngest and I had a lot of laughs and the conversation was hilarious. My son is a natural born comic and has a great sarcastic and quipping nature. I will share some of this now.

Kid2: All I have to do is look at my friends and they laugh.
Me: Because you have a natural goofy personality.
Kid2: Funny is all I've got. I'm like Chandler.

Kid2: If you were in mind for one second, you would come out with a O.o face.
Me: If you went in my mind, you would do the same thing.
Kid2: Yes I would because the only thing in your mind is love love love.
Me: *blank stare*
Kid2: Is there anything else in there besides dirty thoughts?
Me: *jaw drop*

Me: I wish I had a pen to write these conversations down.
Kid2: I need to stop giving you ideas for your blog.

Kid: You wouldn't make it one day in my life.
Me: I know because I cannot make weird noises. (Back story here. The other day we had this conversation: Kid2: Do you know what is great about guys? Me: What love? Kid2: From the time they are young they practice making weird noises so that they are great at making them.)
Kid: Yes you can. All you have to do is open your mouth and talk.
Me: Brat.

Then as we were walking home:

Kid2: I have a talent for making long lists. Example:
Hi person who made me.
Who likes the colours blue and black.
Who is wearing a black skirt.
And likes having strapless purses.
Who has long hair.
And wears glasses.
And has arthritis.
And has 3 moles on her neck.
And has some moles on her back.
And has a mole on her cheek.
And who is incredibly smart.
And doesn't need a calculator.
And makes unnatural girl farting noises.

There was a lot of other really funny moments, but these are the ones that stand out the most.

I have wonderful children. I love them to bits and pieces. Every day they give me a dose of humour. But better than loving my children, I really like my children. It is easy to love your children. It is another thing all together to like them.

julia sherred

Putting A Face To Lupus - The Elephant In The Room

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:34:00 +0000

This will probably be the hardest blog I will ever write as it is something I really do not like to talk about. It is the elephant in the room that no one wishes to acknowledge. However, today is a very emotional day for me. I have spent all day crying. And not because I am sad but because for the first time in 7 years I have hope. I have hope for a long life. I have hope for a future. I have hope that I will get to see my grandchildren grow and maybe even see great-grandchildren. I have hope that I have not been given a death sentence. There is finally a new drug that is showing promise for the treatment of lupus.

Hi, my name is Julia and I have lupus. Today has been a joyous day for those of us who suffer this disease and to our friends and family who take the time to really understand it. Unfortunately among all the news surrounding the results of the latest drug trials for Benlysta, all the focus has been on money and not the faces of lupus. Lupus is called the disease of a thousand faces for a reason. There is no cure and it is unknown what causes lupus. And despite television programs like House constantly throwing out the word lupus on every episode like some meme, most people have no idea what lupus is. I am going to try and put a face to lupus. I am going to try my best to be very blunt and write from the heart. I am not going to talk so much about the physical effects of the disease. My focus will be about the psychological and sociological effects of the disease. This scares me for many reasons that you may understand as I try my best to tell my story openly and honestly. I hate talking about this as I always get met with pity and the "I'm sorry" replies when people become uncomfortable and do not know how to respond. I am not sorry I have this disease but I am always sorry for sharing that I have this disease. Hopefully this time I will not be sorry. I am not going to get into stats or give a bunch of links. It may help a reader understand and at the same time since no two lupus suffers are the same, it may not.

When I was first told I may have lupus, my heart sank. Lupus = death and I knew this better than most people as I had just lost someone close to me due to the complications of lupus. The death was awful because we had no warning. It is not uncommon for someone with lupus to be told many times, "This flair may be the one that kills you. It is time for you and your family to prepare." So you do what you have to do and you get better, only for the next time. With the person I lost, we were told that many times over decades and every time she got better. Then without warning, she was dead. Many of us that suffer from lupus have to see doctors regularly. I personally have 6 doctors that monitor my condition. When I am not fed up with living for doctors appointments and am being a "good" patient, I have to see some sort of doctor every two weeks and have blood tests done a minimum of once a month. My friend went in for her regular blood work. Her liver levels were off. Less than three weeks later, she was dead. When I got the phone call, I thought it was a cruel joke. What do you mean she was dead? She was just teaching dance a couple of weeks ago. Why now and without warning? Why not the many times in the past when we were told this may be it? It was at that time that my own road to diagnosis had begun. The last thing I needed was a reminder that I was about to be handed a painful death sentence.

The elephant in the room was becoming bigger. You do your best to ignore it. You do your best to live each moment in the now and not worry about the what-ifs. Because let me tell you, there are thousands of them. You find yourself every now and then looking at your children and fighting back tears. You have these moments often where you think "I have to take a snap shot of this and remember it always always and make sure they remember it always always as next week I could get bad news." Then you beat yourself up for acknowledging the elephant and forgetting to just live. But then you beat yourself up again because you need to be realistic. You need to make sure that those whom you love know it and you really need to make sure that your children know it. My heart breaks every time my youngest brings up my stroke. That was a scary period for my children and I HATE that they have to go through my illness. Two movies that make me bawl to no end are Finding Neverland and Stepmom as they deal with children losing their mothers to disease. My heart breaks because my children will go through that one day unless there is drastic change in the treatment of lupus. Today gave me hope and for the first time I was not afraid for what my children will have to go through despite my best efforts to ignore the truth and just enjoy them. It is a very sad thing (and hopefully they find the why's to this soon) that most women who are diagnosed with lupus are in their child-bearing years and get the diagnosis shortly after having children. I love my children with all that I am. However, had I been diagnosed with lupus prior to having them, I would not have had children. And admitting that out loud is hard for me since for as long as I can remember, I knew I was going to be a mom. I always wanted to be a mom first before anything else.

It is hard not to live in fear when you have lupus. There are so many things that can go wrong. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. You go through your days and live until you hear news of some illness spreading or some letter comes home from your child's school reminding you the cold and flu season is here and what extra precautions to take. You get this news and you have to stop living, even if its for a split second while you think about how this impacts you, your family and your daily life. You have to think about things that most people never have to think about. It is not uncommon that I have to be put in reverse quarantine because if I get these illnesses, they can kill me as I have no immune system. To make matters worse, I cannot be vaccinated to even be able to give myself some form of immunity to some of them. There was one period where I was not allowed to leave my house, not even to go to the store for 2 months because I had 5 infections in as many weeks and the next one my doctor was afraid would be fatal. This always makes traveling scary as well. The last time I traveled my doctor actually said to me (and some may find this harsh but my doctor and I are very blunt with each other), "You better be careful or you will end up in a body bag." All the what-ifs that go through your head. Is the vacation worth getting an illness that could become fatal? An illness that for most people would be nothing to recover from. Is the fatigue that is sure to occur worth it? But you cannot live your life in a bubble. You take these risks because you need to live. That does not stop the fear and doubt that crops into your brain every time you start to plan anything. And even so these thoughts may be short lived and they do not consume you (or at least you need to believe they are not consuming you), they are still there. The elephant becomes bigger.

And then comes relationships and the dread of forming real bonds with people. I feel a stupid sense of guilt when it comes to forming both romantic and platonic relationships. I am not talking about acquaintances here but real meaningful relationships. I do not want more people than absolutely necessary to suffer through this with me. It is unfair of me to ask that of them. And if they are truly close to me, suffer they will even so they do it willingly because they care for me and love me. It is very difficult for me to really open up to people and let them into this part of my life. Two reasons for this is because I do not want them to suffer emotionally as they have to watch helplessly while I go through a flair, and the other is because in the past the elephant in the room got so big, the relationships ended when finally they could no longer deal with. I am always afraid this will happen despite the fact I tell myself and others otherwise. I pretend I do not care and that I do not need anyone. When it is time to have "the talk" about the elephant, panic sets in. This is the moment where you can no longer ignore the elephant and you have to prepare the person who tells you they want to take a journey with you in life, "Guess what? I have this thing and well odds are that I will die before I am 60." What a joyous conversation to have to have with someone who has told you they want to take a life journey with you. I have had this conversation more times than I want. Having it one time is more times than you want. Some have said (and in my mind at the time and now, very naively), "Yes I am capable of walking this road with you. I want to take a journey with you. Let us build a future together even if its a shorter future because you are worth it. Let us live in the now and not worry about the future." Then when the battles with the elephant begin, they decide they do not in fact have what it takes and leave. I cry. I pick myself up. I tell myself it is okay because I knew this was a possibility. I move on. I trick myself into thinking I do not need or want deep relationships only for the next opportunity to present itself and the fear and panic to once again set in. I want the elephant to die. It is so draining to ignore it and so depressing to face it. Then when moments come up where it starts to stomp its feet and make noise, you wish you had a gun.

I have suffered with illness all of my life. I was diagnosed with my first auto-immune disorder when I was 6 (psoriasis). I have spent a lot of my life ill and spent many years misdiagnosed with a myriad of things (some of them were almost fatal) until finally I got some much needed answers when I was finally diagnosed with lupus. That diagnosis was a mixed blessing. On one hand, I had answers. On the other, possible death. I do my best to ignore the elephant. I do my best to live harmoniously with it and not let it depress me. For the most part I am cheery and grateful for the wonderful life I do have in spite of it. I do not take a single moment for granted and I have experienced and done some pretty cool things with my life. I have overcome so many obstacles that have been thrown in my path. I hope to be an inspiration to even just one person who suffers from any disease or chronic illness. I was fortunate enough to have two great women in my life growing up who dealt with chronic illness. They taught me that no matter how bad it may be, for someone else it could be worse and you do what you have to do to get through each moment. I look at it like a 12 stepper does, second by second if that is what it takes you to get through the day. You do whatever it takes to help people (even if its just a shoulder or by example). You do whatever it takes to get better even if there is no getting better. You know what, you can have a great life regardless. You are also allowed to have moments of anger and rage. There are moments (even if they are brief) that I rage against it. Periods where I stop seeing the doctors because all they tell me is we are giving you the best treatment we have at the moment and hopefully this will pass. There is never any hope when seeing the doctor. Periods where I stop taking my meds as they only offer 25% relief and what is the point of living if I am tied to drugs, doctors appointments and blood tests. Periods where I want to tell everyone close to me to go away because having me in their life will only bring them pain. Periods of depression. But I am human and I am entitled to these periods (even so I beat myself up over them and feel weak). Moments where I think why me? Something would be terribly wrong if I did not have these periods.

Today though is not a day to ignore the elephant. Today is a day of hope. Today is a day to look the elephant in the face and say, "AHA YOU SUCKER! After 50 long years we may finally have a gun. Not just a tranquilizer found accidentally while treating other illness but a real gun! It is time for you to leave the room forever."

Looking back at my blog, I admit I am not as open and honest as I wanted to be, as I had hoped to be. However, I do hope for once I am not sorry for talking about the elephant. I hope that next time anyone is confronted with the elephant that they are not afraid to acknowledge it. I hope that next time someone tells you about this elephant, you may understand even a small fraction how your reactions to the elephant amplifies how extremely difficult it is for the person sharing that they indeed have this elephant living with them.

I hope...

julia sherred

Lupus Relief Could Be Coming

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:30:00 +0000

After 50 years (yes you read that correctly) there could be a new drug to treat lupus. I swear this is the best news I have heard in a very long time! It could be the best news ever! For me as of this moment it is the best news ever. The only way this news could get better is if this new drug is approved and it actually helps with my lupus. I so wish I could be part of the second trials. Lupus is such a difficult thing to live with.

For me, the most difficult aspect of the disease is that it is invisible. I can live with the chronic infections. I can live with the chronic inflammation of joints and tissue. I can live with the crap like having a stroke and needing a hysterectomy due to the disease. I can live with the chronic pain and the chronic fatigue. I can live with the cognitive impairments. I can live with the hair loss. I can live with never knowing one day to the next how I will feel or what system will be attacked next. The hard part is that people look at me and do not see a sick person, as outwardly I look healthy and I do a good job of hiding the war that is raging on inside of my body on a daily basis.

Those with lupus tend to be looked at suspiciously since most of the time they do not look sick. They get treated as if they are hypochondriacs by a lot of people, even those close to them who just cannot understand the difficulties of this disease. They get this treatment even from their own families. I remember after my hysterectomy my family saying hmmm well maybe there is something wrong with her. And then after my stroke a year later there was more hmmmmm I guess she wasn't faking after all. And even after that and a few other major health crises, most people do not get it. There are maybe (and that is a big maybe) 3 people who do since it has affected them and their families directly. Lupus has also been the cause of a few failed relationships because they find it difficult to deal with health crisis after health crisis and my lack of ability to do a lot of things.

I am currently on a huge cocktail of medications that only work to a point. They give me about 25% relief from symptoms. I currently take 7 different medications. At one point it was 9 however I developed an allergy to one of them and the other treatment was way to painful to go through once a week. The pain of the treatment did not outweigh the benefits of said treatment. So for there to be a new treatment that may actually work for me (With lupus there is no set treatment. Doctors have to play a medication game since lupus affects everyone differently) and maybe just maybe drop my medication count that is beyond awesome! I was starting to lose hope when it came to lupus research since there has been nothing new in so long. This is so welcomed news to me and many other lupus sufferers.

Links to articles:

REFILE-FACTBOX-Experimental drug helps lupus patients

Human Genome Sciences Announces Lupus Drug Trial Results; Shares Soar

Google News links

Edit: Here is a great video.

julia sherred

Waiting For The Night

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 18:48:00 +0000

As I said earlier, inspiration FINALLY! I thought it would take me a lot longer to finish this editing project. In reality, it took no time at all. The longest part was scanning the movie for the images that floated through my head when I heard Depeche Mode's Waiting For The Night.

I set the music to Labyrinth. Or maybe I set Labyrinth to the music. Labyrinth is in my top 5 favourite movies of all time. When I was younger, I use to dream quite often that the Goblin King would come and take me away. In my dreams though, it did not end like it did in the movie. I am actually very happy with the way this video turned out. When my youngest watched it, about half way through he said, "Leave the pretty lady alone STALKER!"

Enjoy!

(P.S. Sorry for the multiple posts of the same blog today. Getting this video hosted was more trouble than I thought it would be.)

julia sherred

Inspired FINALLY!

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 06:57:00 +0000

I have been lacking inspiration lately to create. It has been something that has been preoccupying my thoughts to no end. There was a time in my life where everything inspired me to create something. Whether it was written, on canvas, some silly little video, a piece of choreography, something to sew, something to craft, I always found the time and had inspiration to do these things. When I feel creative I feel productive. I have feeling as if my creative well had run dry. It has been very depressing as it is so much a part of who I feel I am. It is also a great reliever of stress and very important for my me time. Tonight my inspirational dry zone finally saw some much needed rain. The thirst to feel creative, never mind to create, has been quenched. I owe part of this down pour of creative thought in part to @CaptainTapole.

It all started off with the following banter back on twitter.

CT: My iPod is loving Depeche Mode and Rod Stewart this evening. I know, odd mixture.

Me: *sings* Put it on and don't say a word. Put it on cause you think I'm sexy and you want my body come on sugar let me know.

CT: I knew it! You are seducing me so I can forfeit the Dance-Off. I'm onto you now, Missy.

(for more info on the Dance-Off, read this PAX2009 Juicy Goodness)

Me: *looking innocent" who? moi? *hides the horns holding up her halo* I would never do such a thing! *pinky to mouth*

CT: Yeeeeaaaahhhh. Uh-huh. I can see that red tail...

Me: That's not a tail. That's my whip.

CT: Ooo Honey. You know what I like.

Me: tee hee. Reach out and touch faith and by faith I mean that is my dom name for the night.

CT: *Points* I...yeah, no. So much to say there that will only end up having a love night with you.

It was sometime during that conversation that I decided to listen to Depeche Mode. More specifically, the album Violator. That is my most favourite Depeche Mode album. And then the song "Waiting For The Night" came on and suddenly I was hit with huge inspiration and images flying through my brain to create another one of these (for best effect watch in full screen mode. P.S. contains scenes of violence, nudity and sexual situation that may be objectional to some viewers):

It is not much but I am very proud of it. It is the first video of this sort that I created and I so loved doing it. It is the first thing I created where I did not repeatedly beat myself up over for little small mistakes that only I would notice. That I can myself watch over and over again without thinking "Oh dear why on earth did I ever think this was a good idea." I have been wanting to make another one for a long time but have been lacking inpiration on all creative fronts.

Thank you @CaptainTapole and Depeche Mode for bringing on the rain. Here come nights of watching the same movie over and over again, writing down time indexes and editing. I feel restored!

julia sherred

I See You Shiver With Antici...Pation

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 00:10:00 +0000

At least I know I am. I have way too many things I am looking forward to at the moment. One of the more exciting things is I will be going away twice in as many weeks. Both trips I get to geek out with fellow geeks. The first trip will be more one on one geeking. The second trip I get to geek out with a community of 50,000+ and see some of my more favourite well known geeks live in action. The most exciting thing is I am going away. It would not matter if it involved geeky things or not. I haven't had any form of vacation in almost two long years. I didn't realize how much I need to get away from my day to day until quite recently as my trips have now become topic of daily discussion.

I am such a homebody and find great comfort in my home and family. I never feel tied down to my family. My children are a daily source of fun and humour. Sure I do not get to go out often (at least not in the past two years), however this was a very conscious decision. I firmly believe that one parent should be at home. It does not matter if it is the mom or the dad. Children need someone to come home to after school. Children need to know that a parent is always going to be there, someone they can rely on. I personally feel that many of today's problems with children is because the computer, gaming console, DVD and the t.v. have become the babysitters, and the number of latch-key kids is increasing. Long gone are the days of family meals. Long gone are the days of family game night. Now are the days when children are pencilled into a schedule like one pencils in a doctor's appointment. Unfortunately for many families, one stay-at-home parent is not a viable option. I am so extremely fortunate to have this option. There was a trade off that I decided long ago made it all worth while. I will be a mom first. That is my primary job. And when the year I turn 40, my children will be turning 17 and 21. 40 is a great age. You are still young enough to really enjoy life and by then (in theory) you have enough wisdom to have the fun of your youth without making the mistakes we once made while having that fun.

However, I also need me time. Everyone needs me time. Self care is so important. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to effectively take care of those who rely on you. This important thing is something I forget to do way to often. I am so busy wearing a billionty-one hats that I lose sight of the me hat. And then I get a reminder (such as my up coming trips) of how depleted and how overstretched I have become. I would not give up any of my hats for the world. I just need to remind myself to put the me hat on more often and not give into stupid guilty or selfish feelings when I do so.

I use to be able to get away on a monthly basis. Then two years ago, certain family dynamics changed where my ability to go away a few days a month was no longer viable. The last trip I took, the last time I was away from my family here, was November of 2007. I went back East to Ontario to reunite with my dad, meet my two brothers I had not met yet (I had already met my one of them), meet my step-mom and visit friends I had not seen in a couple of years. It was a whirlwind of a trip and the most fun I had in a very long time. Aside from the family reunion, the following is one of my favourite stories from that trip. A little back story may be in order first.

I am a very quippy person. At times (read: most times), someone will say something, my brain instantly thinks of something quippy or cheeky to say and before I realize I am actually speaking it, it is spoken. Most of the time people understand that I am not being mean and that no harm is meant. There are times though (as I will soon illustrate) where this can get me into a lot of trouble. I entitle these stories "Only In The Life Of Jules". They contain some language and some situations that could be rated PG13.

A couple weeks prior to my trip back East, I took a trip down to Seattle. As I was entering the States, the border guard asked me, "what is the purpose of your trip?" What immediatly popped into my head was, "to assassinate President Bush." The word "to" came out of my mouth and my brain yelled at me, "SHUT UP! DO NOT SAY THAT! THEY WILL NOT FIND THE HUMOUR IN THAT YOU STUPID DUMBASS! BORDER PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HAHA" I panicked! All of a sudden I had no idea what to say. I had visions of me being hauled off by the FBI or CIA. Visions of the not good kind of cavity searches. Visions of being lost in transit. Visions of my passport being revoked.

So, I continued very hurriedly trying to erase the dumbass out of my brain only to become more dumbass, "To... to visit my boyfriend." DOH! I do not have a boyfriend! WTF ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO YOURSELF JULES! ARE YOU MENTAL?!?! The border guard looks at me sideways as he inspects my passport currently in his clutches. The passport that he can decide to flag at any moment should I say something stupid. I think to myself, "Self! He knows! FUCK!" He asks the next standard question, "When was the last time you saw him?" Well crap!

The reality of the situation was that I was going down to Seattle to meet a business associate whom I had talked to many many times over the last year or so but had never met in person. He had invited me down to hang out, show me a section of Seattle life and watch him perform. Self decides to beat me repeadly upside the brain as I reply, "Never." Self to me, "You are such a twit! THIS IS WHEN YOU LIE!" Me t0 self, "SELF, you know I am no good at lying! Look at where it has gotten me right now! I am sorry! He is talking me into a corner, stupid tricky border guard guy."

Border guard looking even more suspiciously at me and holding my passport closer to his body, "If you've never met him before, how did you meet?" Well, screw! How on earth do I answer that question without looking like some crazy person (Self: too late for that Jules) or creating more suspicion. Feeling completely defeated and worried that the jig is up, "Through work?" WTF, why did you answer that as if it were a question? That should have been a statement! You are doooomed! Some guy named Bubba is now going to make you his bitch!

Border guard closes my passport and starts typing stuff on his computer. Well now I am done for! Looking up over his monitor, "Does he know you are coming?" Repeatedly bashing my head against an invisible wall and sighing internally, "Yes." The border guard resumes typing and without looking up asks, "Do you have an address and phone number for him?" YES! Finally something I can answer without panic! I give the guard the info he is wanting and he continues to type away. Self, "You are going to be lucky if they let you in!" Me: "Shut up Self! You are not helping!" Still busy at his computer, "When are you leaving the States?" I give him the date. "How are you leaving the States?" I tell him by bus. "When are you going to arrange to leave the States?" I tell him the return trip has already been booked. "Let me see the ticket." I pass him the ticket and think "FUCK! Now he has BOTH my passport and tickets into the States and out of the States! You are sooooooooooooo screwed!" Handing me back my tickets and passport but still eyeing me with suspicion, "Have a good trip to Seattle."

Now you would think I would learn something from that. Not likely. On my way back into Canada, the Canadian border guard asked me as he held my passport in his clutches, "Did you have a good trip?" Thank bob! An easy question! "Yes." Canadian border guard, "What was your business in the States?" The first thing that popped into my head was "I was smuggling some of B.C.'s finest bud into Seattle." The words "I was" start to spew forth from my mouth. Self, "Jules you are beyond hope! You deserve to become Bubba's bitch!" Me, "But self, this is a Canadian. They have a sense of haha." Self, "IT IS A BORDER GUARD! THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIND THESE THINGS FUNNY!" Well shit! Panic sets in once more as I speak, "I was... visiting a friend." My heart raced. My brain swarmed with even worse images than when I entered the states. Luckily, without further question beyond the normal do you have anything to declare stuff, the guard passes me back my passport and says, "Welcome back to Canada."

Let's fast forward now a week. I am in Ontario. It is my first full day there. I stayed the first night at one friend's house. The plan for my first full day (which was the start of my first full weekend), was that two of my friends were going to travel up from the States (from Indianna and Illinois) for a weekend of dinners, karaoke and drinking. I woke up that morning way too early and without showering or dressing (beyond wearing sweat pants, tank top, hoodie, and ballet type dress shoes) proceeded to another friend's house where a bunch of us out of towners were crashing for the weekend. My first day was suppose to be a day of complete laziness after my long journeys the day before. It was suppose to be a day to adjust to the time change and get much needed rest before the month of craziness started.

We are all just hanging and relaxing when we get the following phone call from my friend Claudio, "You need to come down to Flint, Michigan. They won't let me into Canada because of my DUI. They will let Tim in but you need to come and get him." FRACK! I do not have clothes with me! They are being dropped off later! I do not even have a coat! I am not prepared to go anywhere in public today. So the friend that is allowing her house to be the crash pad for the weekend hands me this black and white (almost a la Cruella DeVille) fur coat that goes down to my ankles and says, "Here, wear this." What a sight I was. Make-up not done. Hair not done. Sweat pants, hoodie, tank top, ballet type dress shoes and a fur coat. At least I had my passport, cell phone and knapsack with my meds.

Now when I was packing for my trip, one of the questions I asked was if I would need winterish type clothes since well... where I live we really do not have winter so I do not have real winter clothes. I was told that I will be fine. It never snows in Ontario in November, let alone the first week of November. Self did not believe this but I trusted my friends on this as they live there and should know the weather. Well this was November 8 and guess what. As soon as we left Mississauga, it was white-out conditions all they way to Michigan! As soon as it started to snow, the fits of laughter between us began. Today was not how it was suppose to be.

So imagine how even more silly we got when the following comment came out of my friend Nicole's mouth minutes away from crossing the border, "Um guys. I just realized I have some hash in my purse and a hash pipe." That is not what you want to hear minutes before entering the States in the intent of "smuggling" a friend back into Canada right after he was denied entry. All I could do was laugh hysterically. It was either laugh at the absurdity or cry. So we started to plot all kinds of different ways to hide the unwanted and be able to find it later. We visited a gas station to see if there was a drop ceiling in the bathroom we could hide it in and return there later to get it. Nope.

We sat in the car in the parking lot trying to figure out wtf we are going to do! This is so not cool. Then we noticed a graveyard across the way. AHA! We drove to the graveyard and found a plot way off in the back. We hid the unmetionables, took a picture of the grave so we would remember where it was put, thought of a story to tell any patrol people who may bother us in the middle of the night when we would return to pick it up and continues our journey into the States, now completely lost in fits of laughter. As we approached the border, I reminded everyone we need to calm down. I told them the story of my last adventure into the States and said if we are not cool, we are doomed. And whatever you do, DO NOT let me speak. We entered the States without incidence. WHEW!

We hung out in Flint for a few hours. We laughed. We ate. We told the story of our trip. We had a good time. And even so my friend Tim was coming back with us, I was very sad that my friend Claudio was being left behind. Now having a good time and having lots of laugh is normally a good thing, right? Well it is a good thing until you try and re-enter the country.

Everything was cool for the most part. They took a little extra longer checking our IDs as this was Tim's second attempt to enter Canada in 24 hours. We were beyond punch drunk at this moment. Then the following question was asked, "Do you have any fruits, vegetables or meats to declare?" My friend Nicole points to my chest and said, "She has a couple of dried up prunes." Then she grabs her breasts and said, "I have a couple of melons." And then I proceeded to point to my friend Preston's crotch and say, "And he has a banana in his pocket. He isn't just happy to see you." Border guard, "Please pull your vehicle over there so that we can inspect it." DOH!

We pull the vehicle into the inspection area and are told to leave all of our belonging in the vehicle and proceed into that building. We cannot stop laughing and we really need to stop laughing. Our freedom is dependent on our ability to not laugh any longer. Well it is really hard not to continue laughing when we all realize what I am wearing and that we are now having to stand in a public place while being subjected to a trillionty-one questions. They watched us like hawks. They would not allow us to wonder off anywhere together. After an eternity of questions (was probably more like an hour) they handed us all back our IDs and told us we were allowed to come back into Canada. When we returned to the vehicle, my stuff was tossed every where. My med bottles were all over the back seat. My cell phone was open. Our cameras had been inspected! OMG there was incriminating photos! Hopefully they did not inspect our cameras too closely. They must not have because we are free! I had never been more happy to be allowed back into my country as I was at that moment. We drove back to the grave, took more pictures of us at the grave then headed back to Mississauga. It was the best first day of a trip ever! Epic even.

I just hope that when I enter the States again in 27 days that I do not get stupid over the excitement of the trip and proceed to once again insert foot in mouth.

julia sherred

THE PAX 10 INDEPENDENT GAMES SHOWCASE 2009 WINNERS ANNOUNCED

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:19:00 +0000

For immediate release from Flash Fire Communications

SEATTLE - July 16, 2009 - After sifting through over 150 submissions from a gaggle of gameplay types and a plethora of platforms, a panel of game industry experts have selected the ten best submissions to be recognized as The PAX 10.

Penny Arcade was pleased to announce today that The PAX 10 for 2009 are (in alphabetical order):

CarneyVale: Showtime by the Singapore-MIT GAMBIT Games Lab (Xbox 360)

Closure by Tyler Glaiel and Jon Schubbe (PC)

Fieldrunners by Subatomic Studios (iPhone/iPod touch)

Liight by Studio Walljump (Wii)

Machinarium by Amanita Design (PC)

Osmos by Hemisphere Games (PC)

Puzzle Bloom by Team Shotgun (PC)

Tag: The Power of Paint by Tag Team (PC)

Trino by Trinoteam (Xbox 360)

What is Bothering Carl? by Story Fort (PC)

Now in its second year, The PAX 10 is a games showcase open to independent developers worldwide. Winners of The PAX 10 are invited to display their efforts at the sixth annual PAX gaming festival to be held Sept. 4 - 6 at the Washington State Convention and Trade Center. PAX's Exhibit Hall will feature The PAX 10 booth alongside over 70 other exhibitors - including top publishers like Microsoft, Nintendo and Ubisoft - allowing those publishers, attendees and media to view their breakout potential.

"The judges were absolutely blown away by the polished and robust experiences offered by the 2009 submissions," said Robert Khoo of Penny Arcade. "We're impressed yet again by the amazing games that indie developers are creating and know that, when you stop by The PAX 10 booth at the show, you will be, too."

About PAX: PAX is a three-day celebration of games and gamer culture. The festival includes an exhibition floor filled with playable builds of upcoming tabletop, console, and computer games; a conference program of game industry speakers; music concerts; freeplay areas; industry parties; game tournaments and more. Since its inception in 2004 the show has doubled in size year-over-year, growing from 4,500 attendees to 58,500 in 2008, making it the largest gaming festival in North America. For more information, visit www.paxsite.com.

julia sherred

If It Kills Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:57:00 +0000

As I have said many times before, I LOVE dance. Dance saved my life in so many different ways, some of which I have already shared on my blog. My love of dance helped me find the strength and the will to get out a wheelchair three years ago, all because I had an audition that I needed to get to. Dance is this amazing thing that melds story telling with music and movement. We all move. We all have our own unique musical beats. We all tell stories. When you melt those three things together, magic happens. Dance can break down walls which we create within ourselves and within our global communities. I cannot think of a single culture that is without dance. Before words were spoken to tell stories, we had dance to tell stories. Dance to this day remains an important part in many cultures to tell their stories.

I have also said many times, I LOVE So You Think You Can Dance. It is so being freaking amazing that we now have a show that displays this beautiful art form that does not get enough recognition and is so under appreciated. There is not a single episode that does not move me to great emotional states: from extreme joy to great despair. Tonight was no different.

One of my most favourite dancers ever finally had his chance to choreograph for the show, Travis Wall. He was the runner up on Season 2 of So You Think You Can Dance. I believe this number will be my favourite number of all time. It spoke to more than any number ever has. It is a struggle I have gone through myself. It is eloquent. It is raw. It is gentle. It is real. It is perfect. I will let the rest speak for itself.

julia sherred

Profanity

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:16:00 +0000

I swear. I swear a lot. I find it very difficult not to swear. I find it very difficult not to swear when I blog but I refrain here so that I do not have to change the maturity settings and have people click a link saying they have been warned. Clicking that link may lower people's willingness to read. At least for me it does (unless I know the blog poster). Be warned that if you continue to read, you may read words that you may find offensive.

I grew up in a culture that views swearing slightly different than the Anglo culture. I went to a French immersion school, so certain words such as shit were allowed to be said in class (as long as we spoke them in French) since it is no different than saying shoot. However, anything church related is swearing. I also grew up with one side of my family being British. So words such as fag and twat are slang as well and not offensive. The list could go on however I think you have the idea. So for me to think I am swearing, I have to come up with some pretty foul language. It can be quite shocking for some people as my views on swearing tend to be different from the Western world in which I live.

Now imaging my joy when I read this article today: Profanity Bleeps Physical Pain. Now everyone can swear and not feel guilty for doing so if they grew up in a culture which views swearing as a no no. Swearing can have medical benefits! More studies need to be done in this area. Only draw back is if you don't think swearing is a taboo then perhaps the painkilling benefits may not be there. But at least it gives more permission to swear and perhaps will make it less taboo.

I have to thank @JuicyJones for bringing this wonderful news to my attention.

julia sherred

Wil, Phil and Shane Available For Download

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 01:52:00 +0000

I do have to say my last four days have been pretty awesome. I got to geek out with Shane Nickerson. I got to geek out for hours with a friend. I got to geek out all day with my youngest over the Star Wars Lego game for Nintendo GameCube and listen to hours of sheer excitement when he finally unlocked the secret level, and then Star Wars in general. Being able to geek out with your own children is the coolest thing one could ever do. Way cooler than geeking out with a peer as far as I am concerned.

Then imagine my even greater joy when some of my favourite more well known geeks started to geek out about the exact same things I have been geeking out about for days! I just love when that happens. It is a nice reminder of how extremely cool the geek community is. There are many things that define what it means to be a geek. However, in my experiences (despite our own flavours of geekiness) I can always find at least one common thing with all geeks. There is this stupid, warm, giddy excitement we feel when we grok each other.

I have had the pleasure of interviewing three of my favourite more well known geeks, Wil Wheaton, Dr. Phil Plait and Shane Nickerson. I have respect for these people that reach far beyond the fact they are geeks and are well known for each doing their own thing. I do hope my list of favourite geeks I have interviewed becomes more. If it doesn't it will not matter as I have had this awesome opportunity that I never in a millions years thought would ever happen. I have uploaded these interviews here to my blog but have not made them available for download (save one) and really, that is a shame.

So I am going to fix that problem to allow people to geek them as often as they want and find them easily without having to search my blog. I am also going to include a new sidebar that will allow for easier finding of these interviews and the stories that may accompany them. I really do not know why I did not do this earlier. But the events of the last four days have made me think if I enjoy these similarities so much, then maybe others will to. And if others will to, then maybe I should make it easier for people to find them, enjoy them and share them with others.

S0:

(Note: Each interview does contain some language. So please bear that in mind before listening.)

To download my Wil Wheaton interview, right click, save as (or whatever the equivalent is for the browser you are using).

To download my Dr. Phil Plait interview, right click, save as (or whatever the equivalent is for the browser you are using).

To download my Shane Nickerson interview, right click, save as (or whatever the equivalent is for the browser you are using).

Please enjoy, share freely, geek and be merry.

p.s. I had to put back together the Wil Wheaton interview as it was cut into 5 parts. I did not listen prior to uploading as I wanted this available as soon as possible. Hopefully I didn't duplicate anything or miss something. If you notice a problem with it, please let me know. As well, the interview does end rather abruptly. That is not an issue. Since the interview was not live and was pre-recorded, after the final segment I went on to talk about how things were wrapped up and did not include our good-byes in the interview.

julia sherred

Shane Nickerson Interview

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:36:00 +0000

Hawesome Shane Nickerson is Hawesome!

So on Friday night (July 10, 2009) I had the pleasure of Shane Nickerson sitting down with me and co-hosting my Geeky Pleasures show on Party 934. He also co-hosted my Ustream feed which was a double bonus. Needless to say, I had a blast! It was very nice to just geek out about so many different things. I have listened to the interview a few times now and I still have not been able to find words to summarize all that we discussed. Some of the things we talked about were science fiction, gaming, t.v. shows, gadgets, twitter, sexual fantasties and so much more. I am afraid that maybe some parts of the show will not make sense for some listeners as it sounds as if all of a sudden Shane and I start to talk about random things. Some of these random things were as a result of those who decided to log into the Ustream chat, actively participating in our discussion instead of just being voyeurs. Others were because of visual events. An example of something that may not make sense is you will hear me comment on Shane's t-shirt. (Speaking of Shane and t-shirts, please vote for this t-shirt.) He was wearing this really cool dinosaur t-shirt and unless you were in Ustream, that comment doesn't make too much sense as it was a result of something visual.

Couple of show notes:

Lately, I do not know what it is with technology everytime I do an interview. Technology failed me yet again for this interview. The audio is very choppy at some points. My computer decided that it was going to slow right down as soon as it was time to go live on air. And I am not even going to get into the preshow tech fails plus postshow tech fails that occured during the editing process.

The day of the interview I was going over my checklist of must remember to do. I went over it again and again and again. I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting some important aspect of the show that needed to be done. Show time came and I had chalked it up to just being excited that the night was finally here to geek out with Shane live on air instead of on the phone or by other means (which is beyond cool as well but it was great to share the juicy geeky goodness with others). Half way through the show I realize yes indeed, I did forget an important step. That was to record the Ustream feed. Normally I do not record the Ustream feed. The reason why I wanted to record it this time was because there was a lot of dialogue between Shane and myself when the mic was on stand-by for the on air portion that one could only hear if they were tuned into the Ustream as well. Ah well, maybe next time I will not forget.

I had a mental list of things I wanted to bring up during the show. A lot of them flew completely out of my brain when it came down to talk to him live with people eavesdroppoing. This happens quite often in my world. It happens most often when I get to geek out with someone. As I was discussing the show with a friend afterwards, Star Trek came up and I remembered something Shane had told me during one of our conversation prior to the show that had to do with an experience he had with Star Trek. It would have been uber cool to share on air. Hopefully next time, I will not forget to bring that up along with other things I remembered after the fact.

I do not think I could thank Shane enough for his time. Between the busy filming schedule of his latest project for MTV (Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, click here if in Canada) and his family, for him to take out 2 hours on a Friday night to geek out with me live is just so HAWESOME. Oh and Shane, maybe my fetish for Optimus Prime is not all that weird after all. It has been brought to my attention that I am not the only one who thinks of having sex with robots.

NSFW

Below you will find the interview. I hope you enjoy it even a fraction of how much I enjoyed doing it.

This Flash Player was created @ FlashWidgetz.com.

julia sherred

Pet Peeves

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 08:28:00 +0000

This blog is a little bit of a rant. So if you don't want to "listen" to me rant, then don't read it. Now normally I would rant in private, but this rant is a result of a blog that I created. So aside from ranting in private, I am going to rant here as well since the message just doesn't seem to be sinking in with a few people.

I have a couple of pet peeves that are the quickest way for me to anger. One of these I have ranted about quite often. It has come up in any interview I have done with "celebs" who have a blog and made themselves more accessible to those that choose to consume what they put out. That pet peeve is the internet troll.

Another of my pet peeves is gossip. I LOATHE gossip and gossipers. I LOATHE those who talk behind other people's backs and don't have the balls to say what they have said to someone else to the person that is the topic of conversation's face. Now I am not saying I do not talk about people when they are not present. I do. However, this is how I am different. As a general rule, I do not use names. So if I may need to vent about someone, I never give out enough detail that if it were to get back to them, it would upset them. I normally vent about situations and leave people out of it. If I am going to talk about someone and further use their name (whether good or bad) I let them know right away that I have talked about them and what was said. This is to eliminate future suprises and possible moments of embarrassment if it does get back to them, good or bad. And I expect the same respect in return. Especially from those that I consider a friend. My real friends know how much I LOATHE being talked about even if what they are sharing with other people are good things that are going on in my life. If I want people to know something about me, it is my job to share it and no one else's. Good or bad talk, in my mind it is all gossip. And in turn, I do the same thing. I leave it up to the person who is sharing with me to choose who else they want to share that information with.

And my final biggest pet peeve is when people make assumptions about others. This can be assumptions about goings on in their lives, what they are thinking, things they have done, things they have said, etc. I can never understand this. Is it too much trouble to ask someone for clarification? Honestly. How much effort does it take to ask someone what they may or may not be referring to, thinking, doing, etc., instead of assuming you know what they are referring to in the event they are either being cryptic or if the situation is just plain ole unclear? Would it hurt to send an e-mail or pick up the phone? You know, communicate.

I thought these were my top 3 pet peeves. But I have today discovered a brand new button that has sent off on all kinds of rants and that is sure to get my blood boiling for hours. Normally I can shrug most things off but its been hours since this has been brought to my attention and my blood is still boiling. I am so angry at this moment that if I were to confront the people involved about this right now in person (e-mail or telephone) the "friendship" would be over, no ifs, ands or buts about it. So I am going to address it to some extent here since this blog is not secret and anyone is free to read this including the person/people that have made me realize a new pet peeve. This new pet peeve is when the above three pets peeves are combined to some extent. Yes my friends, they can indeed be combined as I have witnessed myself. Today, the above three things have converged into one HUGE ball of something that I HATE. It has now gone beyond LOATHE.

This latest thing actually made me seriously think whether I should continue to blog or not. I started this blog as a way to purge some of the millions of thoughts that may go through my head during the day. And interestingly enough, some find those thoughts interesting. I also started this blog to share some of the things that go on in my life that people will be interested in regardless if they know me or not. I never thought (and I know this is very naive on my part) that my blogging about something that is going on in my life that is of a personal nature (but I needed to share some of it to release some of my excitement) would turn into assumption and conjecture, and then gossip (the before mentioned from "friends") and then rude e-mails in regards to work related things! I blog one thing and it gets turned into something it is completely not. Not even in the same realm of reality to what is really going on! It is like that game telephone where you whisper something in one ear, it goes down the line and by the time the last person says it, its note even anything close to what the original whisper was. I could forgive it if it were some anonymous person that did this. But because it is someone that I know, as of this moment I am very unsure if I will be able to trust them with anything again. I expect people I don't know to do these things. I do not expect this from "friends". I do not like feeling as if I am now going to have to guard myself and my privacy even more and be even more choosy about the things I choose to share with anyone, friends or anonymous reader of my blog.

Yes trolling is going to happen no matter how much it may piss me off. Yes gossip will continue. Yes people will continue to make assumptions. However these things should NOT happen from someone whom you consider a friend especially when they know how I feel about such matters. I am very accessible. I make myself very accessible even to people I do not know. There are a ton of links right here on my blog where people can get in touch with me and ask many anything they want or make any comments they want, to me, directly. And those that know me in person have even more quick and easy ways where they can in touch of me any time during the day. As far as friends are concerned, there are no excuses for this at all!

/rant

julia sherred

Patience Is Not My Virtue Today

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:17:00 +0000

My last 24 hours have comprised of this:

A super cool thing gets planned that I cannot talk about yet but a few minor (read: could be potentially HUGE) details need to be worked out first.

E-mail a couple of people to see if they can help work them out.

Try to sleep.

Wake up and check e-mail.

Try to distract myself.

Talk more about this super awesome thing with those that are in the know at this moment.

Check e-mail.

Try to distract myself.

Check e-mail.

Look at clock and realize I just checked e-mail 30 seconds ago.

Check e-mail.

Curse myself out for checking e-mail once again.

Look at pictures.

Check e-mail.

Check e-mail.

Check e-mail.

Curse myself out yet again for being obsessive/compulsive.

Check e-mail.

Tweet too much at yet another failed attempt to distract myself.

Check e-mail.

Refresh, refresh, refresh.

DAMN IT I AM DOING IT AGAIN!

Look at pictures.

Get frustrated and walk away from computer to take a nap and try to clear my head.

Wake up 45 minutes later after dreaming about what is being planned, e-mail and Twitter.

Check e-mail, refresh, refresh, GAH!

Tweet excessively.

Check e-mail.

Write blog while checking e-mail.

Get frustrated with myself some more and wish I could share what is going on.

Check e-mail.

Looks at clock and grumbles that time is passing way too slowly today.

Check e-mail.

Publish blog.
julia sherred

These Are The Moments to Remember

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 07:10:00 +0000

Earlier this evening I had a wonderful dialogue with my oldest and I had thought I would blog about it as in my mind it fell under the category of moments to remember. The conversation was only a few sentences but was quite profound. It was yet another one of those moments where I stopped the million thoughts going on inside of my brain and took the time to take a mental snapshot. One of those moments that I would cherish forever. One of those moments where I knew that no matter what choices he may make, he is going to survive the "joys" of puberty in one piece. This conversation took place as we were getting ready to watch Stand By Me.

I sit down with my boys an a regular basis and we watch the movie as a unit. Stand By Me has always been in my top 5 favourite movies of all time. I fell in love with it when I saw it for the first time when I was 10 in 1986. As I "grew up", it continued to be one of those movies that I knew I would always love. The older I became, the more I appreciated the movie. When I was a teenager I said to myself, "Self when you have children you must share this movie with your own children and share it often." And that is what I do. At least twice a year, since my boys were small it has been part of our family movie collection. It has always been one of their favourite movies and it is wonderful to watch the new things that they appreciate in the movie as they "grow up" themselves. Tonight was one of those nights where I wanted to share these experiences with my boys. So I ordered Stand By Me on Video On Demand. The conversations that occured during this viewing (now that my boys are 10 and almost 14) were amazing.

I was quite surprised that my youngest didn't remember a good bulk of the movie since we do watch it so often. Most of it was as if he was watching it for the first time. He remembered the barforama and he remembered bits and pieces of the leech scene (only because of my conversation with Wil Wheaton on that part of the movie) but other than that, it was a very fresh experience for him. When I had first informed him that we were going to watch Stand By Me once his brother got home his reaction was, "Yes! Its a Stephen King movie and I love Stephen King!" (he wants to be the next Stephen King). I told him, "You realize it is not a horror movie don't you?" He of course realized it but it didn't matter as it was Stephen King. He now has an appreciation for the movie that is not Stephen King related.

My oldest being at "that" age pretended that he was neutral about the situation. Man, do I ever remember that age! The age of fake apathy when in truth your insides are bubbling over with emotion but you pretend to be too cool for school. He had phoned home earlier that evening to see if he could stay out past curfew. I had told him no because I had planned a family evening once he got home. I told him that we were going to watch Stand By Me and asked how he felt about the plans. You could hear the shrugging of shoulders through the phone as the ever popular words "meh" and "whatever" came out of his mouth. When it came time to sit down and watch the movie however, the pod people released my child even if it was only for an hour and a half and his true feelings were allowed to surface.

Here are some of my favourite moments that took place as we watched the movie each with our own "growing up" eyes:

Anytime a song came up both the boys would start singing it very loudly. "Lollipop" being the loudest and with the most enthusiasm. My youngest could not believe that those songs were 50 years old and that they are still popular. At least to him they are to the point where he has them on his mp3 player. My oldest made the comment that the music from "back then" was great. Both of them made comments about how that music will always be good music. My oldest further elaborated, "Back then music was actually music. Now there is too much crap put out and most of it does not have substance anymore." I found myself thinking as they are doing their banter on music, "wow I cannot believe I am having this conversation with my boys while they are only 10 and 14." It brings me more joy than I could ever explain that they share my love of music. We can sit down and talk about music appreciation and the merits of music within its specific genre. I sometimes question my youngest's musical tastes. My oldest and I are very similiar when it comes to what we personally look for in music. We prefer music with substance, music that we can relate to on some emotional and mental level regardless of genre or era. My youngest takes after his dad and his favourite artists are AC/DC, KISS, etc. *moans*.

My youngest enjoyed the Teddy Duchamp character the most. He found it so cool when he was trying to dodge the train and just how lippy he is. My oldest relates more to the Chris Chambers character. That of the misunderstood, sensitive soul. Despite the differences between what character speaks to them the most at their current stage in life, they both related to the scene where the junkyard guy was bashing Teddy's dad. My oldest said, "If anyone spoke to me that way about my parents, I would punch them in the face right through the fence!" My youngest said, "Nobody would be able to drag me away if someone talked to me like that!" To which my oldest added, "Trust me, if you had three friends that really cared for you, they would drag you away even if it took all of their strength. Because even if you are justified in punching the ass in the face, in the end they are protecting you."

My oldest found it amusing that kids today still do the "two for flinching". He said he is lucky that his friends don't do it to him otherwise he would be getting punched more often than Vern. My youngest said, "Wow they are good at insulting each other. I need to remember those for when my friends and I insult each other."

One of the funniest comments came from my youngest when the four characters were sitting around the fire. He looks at me and says, "And to think, when Wil Wheaton was that age he had no idea that he would one day get to talk to you when he grew up." As if speaking to me was something that Wil Wheaton dreamed about since he was a little boy. I laughed hard on the inside, chuckled on the outside and said, "Honey, Wil Wheaton had no idea who I was at that age unlike me knowing who he was." What makes this story even more amusing is that my sister and I were talking about my interview with Wil the other week. She laughed hard when I brought up the fan club picture of Wil during the interview and how she remembers me believing that it was actually Wil that wrote me a personal letter on the back of that picture. She then went on to say, "Despite what we may or may not have believed back then when you received that picture, if someone had told you when you were 11 that you would one day speak to Wil Wheaton, you would never have believed that. And it happened. That is cool! Even so you reasons for wanting to talk to him have changed, the fact that you have always wanted to talk to him since you were 10 has not." So for my son to see it in reverse is highly amusing to me. He sees me a lot differently than I see myself.

It was fun to see the differences of how my children recognized other actors from the movie. When Kiefer made his first appearance, my oldest asked, "What other things has he been in mom?" I replied, "You probably know him from 24." He in turn, "Does he play Jack?" I nodded. Then my youngest pipes up with great enthusiasm as if he just came to the greatest realization in life, "Wasn't he in The Lost Boys?!?! He played that really cool and mean vampire didn't he mom?!" I smiled at the difference in associations and nodded.

Watching the leech scene was uber awesome! The look on my youngest's face as Gordie is pulling the leech out of his underwear was priceless! My oldest said that there is not enough money in the world to pay him to put a real leech in his underwear and that Wil was indeed brave for doing it.

In the ending scene as adult Gordie was writing his book my oldest pipes up, "Can people really make money doing that?" Even so I thought I knew what "that" meant I asked, "What do you mean?" He confirmed my thoughts by replying, "Writing stories about your life and childhood." I smiled and said, "Yes they can. In fact that is one of the ways that Wil makes money today." If only you could have seen his face. This look of really understanding how art has imitated life in this movie. However, the only words he had on the subject was (and this is one of his most common phrases to come out of him), "That's... that's interesting."

Now there were many other moments that I could share that were beyond awesome as I shared this movie yet again with my boys. To date, this has been the best sharing experience of this movie with my boys. However, I would be writing for days and just want to share one final thing on tonight's experience. This final moment was the biggest WOW this is an amazing experience and I am overjoyed that I was a part of it. That my oldest allowed me to be a part of it. So much so I said after we were done, "I know you don't think its cool when I talk about you but I really need to share this." He looked at me as if I had two heads, shrugged his shoulders with a thunderous crack which told me the pod people had returned and said "whatever".

At the end of the movie the adult Gordie narrates, "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" To which my oldest says, "Even so I am just starting my teen years, I know that the friends I have now will be the most important friends that I will ever have." However, even before this..

The adult Gordie says something along the lines of, "We'd only been gone two days, but somehow the town seemed smaller. Different." To which my oldest says, "That is because you can do a lot of growing up in just two days." My youngest replied, "Really?" And my oldest answered, "Yes. When you get older you will realize just how much life can change forever in just two days."

From the mouthes of babes. THESE are the moment to remember.

julia sherred

Metamorphosis

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 08:01:00 +0000

I use to do a lot of writing. Some of it happy and some of it depressing, all of it very therapeutic. Lately I have been lacking inspiration. Perhaps one of the main reasons for this is because I have not been spending enough time in nature as I once did. And that in itself is actually very silly since I live surrounded by nature. I just can't seem to find the time to even do something as simple as laying out under the stars at night, gazing. I use to write a lot of poetry. It is very rare that I ever share this as a lot of the poems I do write are of a very personal nature and to share them would to be share a very private part of my soul. I was reading my poems earlier today to try and gain some inspiration and remember why it is I write. Apparently I do my best writing when I am either really upset or really happy and it is reflected in what I write. I wish I could write "good" prose and poetry when I am in a neutral mood since this is my normal mind set. There is one poem that I do want to share now that I wrote a couple years ago. I have not found a good title for it yet. Maybe someone who reads it can help me with this.

In the desert of our yesteryears
Buried in the sands of our past
Lay the tears of our disappointments
Rest the fears and doubts not cast
Slumber the joys of our accomplishments
Doze the wishes and hopes actualized

In the ocean of our tomorrow
Unknown are the vast waters of yet to be
Wondering what pain and sorrow it may bring
Fearing and doubting for we cannot see
Dreaming of a blissful future
Wanting and needing it to be corporeal

In the light of our today
Burns the fuel for our fire
We live our moments and are present
Actualizing our dread and desire
Knowing and feeling each action we take
Will affect who we are and acquire

With the breath that moves through us
The air that allows us to live and be
Inhale the love and triumphs of past and present
Carry them with you on your journey out to sea
Blow the hurts and sorrows into hourglasses of lessons learned
Not forgotten but cherished, metamorphosize and be free

julia sherred

When Boys Become Men

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:04:00 +0000

My oldest is at that age. He is at that age when the pod people take your little children and replace them with aliens. He entered puberty much younger than his peers. His voice started to change at ten and a half. He will be 14 in September and already has to shave. The pod people took him earlier than I had hoped. He has made his share of the beginning of stupid choices of a long line of stupid choices that teens make during that wonderfully horrid period called puberty. He is at that age where he is wanting to be treated like an adult. He is at that age when it is no longer cool for your mom to share stories about you.

My youngest still loves when I share little conversations we may have during the day on Facebook or Twitter. And now that he is 10, he is on a daily basis checking himself for signs of puberty since his older brother started puberty at 10. He just can't wait to become a man! Both my oldest and I tell him, "DUDE! You so don't want puberty. It SUCKS!"

The following is a snippet of a conversation between my oldest and myself from the other day. It starts off with the following comment I made on Facebook:

I wish I were 13 again so I can paint my nails green and orange!

Which turned into the following conversation and subsequent post on Facebook:

Kid (reaching into his pocket for his Dr. Pepper chapstick): Damn it! I wrecked my nail polish!
Me: Ah! My emo child!
Kid: Mom, that's not nice! That's not cool!

He sees me post this on Facebook and follows it with this (which also gets posted on Facebook):

Kid: Mom there should be a law against posting what your kids say!
Me: *chuckle*

So I refrain as much as possible from talking about the joy that is my oldest child, because unlike my youngest's take on talking about him, it's just not cool. However, there are times like today when I just cannot help it because I am a very proud mom. Despite the pod people kidnapping him (I have the exact date circles on my calender when this historic event took place) he is still my loving son. We are very close and he isn't afraid to tell me anything or ask me anything. He brags to anyone that will hear about what a cool mom he has that he can come to me for anything and even so I may not always like what he has to say or what he may ask, we still talk about it openly and honestly. His friends make comments on my crazy hair colours and he smiles and says, "Yeah, my mom is weird like that. I think it's great." And then he comes home to tell me and we laugh about it.

He has started his first job a couple of weeks ago. Today he brought home his first pay cheque. I wish I was making the money he is now when I was 13 let me tell you. Now instead of spending it like crazy as many 13 going on 20 year olds would do he asked me if he could take his brother to Walmart. Of course I said yes because what 13 year old wants their 10 year old brother tagging along with him? I think it is great that he wants to involve his younger brother in things. I sure as hell didn't want to involve my younger sister in things at that age and we are much closer in age than my boys. They arrive home a few hours later for my oldest to inform me of the following. The money that he took with him to Walmart was used to purchase: a new pair of runners for himself as he needs a new pair; a sleeping bag for his brother as he is going on his first summer camp experience on Monday and he didn't get him anything for his birthday in April; and two nerf foam swords that my youngest was eyeing at Walmart the last time he took him there, so that they have something they can do together which they both can enjoy. Let me tell you, it brought a tear to my eye.

My boy is becoming a real man. And even so it makes me oh so proud, I want my babies back.

julia sherred

I am Superman

noreply@blogger.com (Jules) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:15:00 +0000

and I can do anything! Or some may have me believe. Often people make the comment that I am Super(wo)man because of all the projects I have on the go at once and they can't even fathom how I manage to keep up. This blog is about that and at the same time it is not. Think of it as a twofer.

When I started on this blogging adventure, I had hoped to update my blog at least 4 times a week. The past week, I think I may not have met my quota. There have been a few changes in my life as of late, some I have blogged about and some I have not, that have kept me a little preoccupied. Now that June is over, hopefully this will change. I know that others probably don't expect me to post as often as I hope to, but I set a standard for myself and I hate to feel as if I have failed. This silly blog even invaded my dream last night.

I am fast asleep and I have this fantastic dream about a wonderful blog post. This blog post will be epic! The idea is superb! So much so that I wake up from a dead sleep and say to myself, "Self! You so need to write that down so that you don't forget cause that is all kinds of funny and juicy goodness!" To which self replies, "DUDE! Its 4 o'clock in the frickin' morning! It can so wait. The idea isn't going anywhere. It will be there when you wake up." To which I reply, "Self, maybe you are right. I will get to it when I wake up. Cause we both know I haven't been sleeping properly lately and all I need is yet another thing to obsess over." Lo and behold, I wake up in the morning remembering the instance but forgetting the idea! DAMN YOU SELF FOR TALKING ME OUT OF WRITING IT DOWN! So of course, I am have been racking my brains out all day trying to remember this awesome idea and completely obsessing over it. The exact thing self was trying to avoid! *le sigh* Maybe I am not Superman after all.

But wait, I so am Superman and this is how. This story takes place almost 2 years ago. I was back East (Ontario) visiting friends and family for a month. It was one of my closest friend's birthday. Her birthday was a two day event. First night was at her house. Second night was at karaoke. The first night I decided to wear my contacts. I found my place on the floor and some guy started to talk to me. We talked for hours and hours and hours. Like all night. And then he left. The second night we are at karaoke. I wore my glasses. Talked to the same guy for quite a while. I took my glasses off for a brief second, to which he exclaimed, "OMG, it's you! I didn't recognize you with your glasses on!" Up until that moment, I like many other people would scoff this idea that all Superman had to do was put on a pair of glasses, change his hair just a tad and no one would recognize him. HA! It does work!

Some days I am so Clark Kent and other days I am Superman. I may not feel like Superman in my day to day life as I am trying to juggle a million different hats, but I do have the ability to change my identity with the simple act of wearing glasses.

julia sherred