From The OutSide Looking In

Buy a dog a bone and Dinner is Served, Sorta.

2012-01-17T19:14:00.002-05:00

I bought a nice bone for my Dweezil.

Figured I should cook it a bit.

(We all know the horror of consuming undercooked meat-although I don't ever remember seeing a furry creature cooking their road kill before consumption)

Threw that bone in the crock pot this AM with about two pounds of mini carrots (that were just hanging out in the fridge getting older by the day) along with a whole garlic bulb (yeah, I took off the skin- I cut the tip right off the bulb, NUKE it for 35 sexonds, OOPS seconds, and squeeze the cloves out, and mash those suckers with a fork), three "near the point of no return" red onions (peeled too, a few layers down, as the outer layers had seen better days), a can of Rotel tomatoes, about a cuppa lentils, a bunch of herbs including OREGANO, BASIL, ROSEMARY, a half pound package of "clearance"(past the desired date of purchase) lean beef and

a bit of
H2O.

Hit START and eight hours later, we had an amazingly delish dinner

and

BTW

the Dweezil dog,

YEPPERS, he LOVED his nicely seasoned bone!!

Such a healthy nearly freegan type meal.

These ingredients sans the ROTEL tomatoes, could have been made from a

JACKPOT DUMPSTER DIVE

outside

your favorite Grocery STORE

Oh yeah, plus we had homemade whole wheat bread (naked) with it.

Super!

What a waste and people go to bed hungry

2012-01-02T22:47:00.002-05:00

Today I was at Sam's Club.

While I was getting my bag of fresh broccoli, I saw the produce team member getting ready to dispose of one flatbed and a big cart stacked full of blemished produce.

I saw lemons, lettuce, tons of mushrooms, broccoli, onions, green beans, apples, oranges, carrots, peppers and much more.

I know that Sam's puts all trash, including all of this good food in a compactor outside.

It frustrates me knowing all of this food goes to waste.

Yes, I know they do it to protect themselves from a lawsuit if someone gets ill (so they say).

I also know people go to bed hungry.

I also know I would be more than willing, in fact happy to pay a discounted price, for blemished produce. I used to purchase blemished produce at a supermarket by the big box full. What I bought, we used and passed on to others. This is nutritious food that in no way needed to be tossed.

During the time I was browsing Sams produce, this team member was disposing what appeared to be well over two hundred pounds of food.

Some grocery stores do not use compactors, and people rummage through the dumpsters to find food. When I lived in New Jersey, a grocery store there did not compact but did pour bleach on all food that hit the dumpster. They did this to avoid people scavenging through the toss offs.

This waste makes me sad.

If we are wealthy enough to just toss out less than perfect food in America, there should be no hunger here either.

I ate sugar and..............

2012-01-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

Accountability is important for me.

It is very important to my weight loss. It took me a long time to be accountable for my actions. I am not going to get into all of that but.............

I had really hoped and believed that I could continue on my weight loss road map, drilling right through the holidays without indulging in garbage food and drink.

I did not do it.

I ate garbage which included lots of white flour, sugar, a CAKE BOSS CAFE cupcake, a NYC cannolli, greasy pepperoni, loads of fat filled cheese cubes, dozens of cookies, too many craft beers, a bottle of cotton candy vodka, lasagna, garlic bread, and only God can remember the rest.

I feel like crap.
I am tired.
I am not happy with my actions or lack thereof.

Nothing I can do now but STOP it.

On the good side of this time period, I kept up my exercise regime. I knew I over-indulged but did manage to continue to work out as I am scheduled right through the holiday period.

I am glad I kept on my exercise route as I am sure I would have put on my average "10 pounds" during the month had I not.

I am happy that last March 12th, I decided to get serious about what I put in my mouth and decided to get active.

I lost just shy of 50 pounds since that date.

I found about 7 of those pounds this month.

If I had not started a weight loss journey in March, I would have been at least 60 pounds heavier today.

Rick is making our traditional New Years Day sauerkraut and pork. I am eating it. I am going to enjoy it.

Today, I am done with all the goodie crap laying around..

Tomorrow I am going to be back to clean Eating.

Back on the horse again!

~Lisa

Photo below was taken about the time I began:

Taken last week:

Why I am your "Follower"

2011-11-20T10:51:00.001-05:00

I like that I often fall upon a blog post or a message board that interests me.
I blog for me. Sometimes I ramble with no direction , but it is something that I am trying to work out in myself. It has no value to anyone, but me.

I have come across people whose blogs have touched a heartstring. I have came across blogs from people that I believe I was led to to either uplift, or to be uplifted by. I have seen mean blog posts by people. I have seen delieriously "up" people" posts, "debbie downer"posts and every kind of blog post in between.

These are brief glimpses into other's lives that could be an indicator of who they actually are, or, they may be only a message of how they feel today; at the moment. It may also be a glimpse into what they wish to be.

When I do fall upon someone who touches me, or interests me, I "follow" their blog. The reason being I like to see what is going on in their world.

I don't feel obligated to visit each page to leave comments routinely. I would not expect others to feel that way either.

I like that we have the opportunity to cyber mingle with many. If I am a "follower" of your blog, it because I was drawn in by you.

It may have been your humor, your faith, your distress, your achievements, your pictures or any multitude of things.

I am a people-liker.

I am also a fan of Fred Rogers. He is one person that I had always wished to meet, but never did (except in the neighborhood)

I still feel he was my friend, in a cyberlike sorta kinda way. I would have wanted to be his neighbor.

Mr. Rogers helped me as a child during difficult times. I went vicariously with him on field trips learning more about life.

What I am trying to say is:

Its a beautiful day in my neighborhood......................

I am glad I have met you in this neighborhood. I am glad you are my neighbor.

I don't expect much.

I do want you to let me know if there is something that I can help you with.
I wont make contact with you frequently, but that does not mean I do not care.

I hope you stay. I just like knowing you .

P.S. Don't worry about spending too much time with me. I believe in quality time over quantity.

I say what others are thinking....outloud

2011-11-19T22:02:00.001-05:00

I am known for carrying my emotions on my outside, naked for the world to see. I don't mind that actually. I find it cleansing. When I am mad, people know it. If they have hurt me they know it.

When I am upset by someone or something it is my choice to react that way. When I chose to react that way, I am wasting emotion on hurt feelings or anger.

I have learned that I don't have the energy to harbor those emotions. They don't produce anything positive; and drain me.

I am the one that says what others feel. I don't let anger or hurt feelings fester, but go directly to the person(s) who can change the situation or who is provoking wasted emotional energy it in me.

Co-workers have commented that they know I speak for them when they don't have the voice.

This personality trait is part of who I am.

Just saying......

Seriously, wtf am I doing and WHY?

2011-11-12T10:08:00.001-05:00

With much dedication and determination, I have been working out and eating relatively clean since March 12, 2011. I have lost 47.8 pounds.

I am backsliding for the past week and admitting it publically.

I ate pizza, I made chocolate waffles (albeit, only mixed with applesauce instead of with eggs and oils), I drank too much, I ate this crap way too much.

I feel like I am out of control again. I really wonder why?

How can I work so so so diligently and then not care?
I do care obviously since I am weighing every day.

I have still kept up with my exercise program. I get up at 5:15 every work day and do cardio 5x per week and strength 3x per week.

Eating, well, no.

I know I am looking much better physically.
I know I feel better.

I know others notice.

Do I want to not be noticed?
Am I more comfortable not being noticed?

Am I ambushing myself?

Help.

Dweezil

2011-11-05T09:23:00.000-04:00

I know our fur babies help us to be better humans.

We got Dweezil at the Pittsburgh Animal Friends, a no kill shelter that I absolutely admire.

We knew they rescued this group of puppies from under a step in the city. The owner of the building pepper sprayed them and called animal control. When animal control arrived he found a nursing stray *(not the mom) and another adult female dog laying on the puppies to keep them warm. It was fridgid weather. Alll were taken to Animal Friends. The puppies were six weeks and went to foster homes.

Hubby and I were first in line to get into Animal Friends that Saturday.

I picked one puppy to see, and went to get a cousellor.

When I got to the kennel, hubby said, "he's the one" (not the one I picked). Dweezil was sitting still at the corner of the kennel by hubby while the others were being puppy like all over the kennel.

Anyhow, we took Dweezil to the "get acquainted room" and Rick said something like "c'mere you dufus" and out of absolutely no where, I said No he is Dweezil!!! It stuck. I have no idea why that name came to my head.

But after naming him we of course knew that Frank Zappa's kid was named Dweezil but I researched the word. Dweezil means :

1) An imaginary animal, probably resembling a weasel, but more cartoon like. They are said to be mischievous and charming creatures, which allows them to commit atrocities without repercussions.

Well, Dweezil is the most appropriate name. This puppy got into so much mischief and got away with it with his cuteness. Seriously, I could have hired him as my personal organizer as he quickly 'decluttered" our home by destroying about everything. I am not kidding and how he lived through all of this without us flipping out, I will never know. Truely, he is a DWEEZIL!!!

Dweezil will be one year old on Thanksgiving. How appropriate. He is such a blessing
Happy Saturday :)

frumpy frump

2011-08-12T07:16:00.001-04:00

Ever since my husband lost his job when his former company was acquired by another company earlier this year, I have lived with a big yucky cloud over my house. There are multitudes of things that are much worse than this life event, but my husband wants to work again and to him, that means now, not later. He is actively seeking, but can't settle himself until he lands another position.

I do not like that he won't be happy "until".

Our lives go on whether he has a position or not. Time passes, flowers grow, they die, and the reseed. The sun rises and it sets.

I am sad he is sad.

I know he has a wealth of knowledge that would enhance a company looking for his skills.

I believe that company is out there, looking for someone like him.

I want him to chose to be happy until the two meet.

Faith

2011-08-11T21:35:00.001-04:00

Days are frantically busy, but nothing gets done.

I feel suspended, but never still.

Time flies, but yet it crawls so slowly.

Periods of reflection, joy, determination, love, frustration,sadness, fear and hope.

I don't know where the road leads, but I know I am not the one in control.

This is the time to trust and believe.

I will.

He is not alone

2011-06-07T21:00:00.001-04:00

Hubby’s 89 year old father, Joe, is frail and in a nursing home.

Recently when a nurse caught him using a walker alone in the hall, instead of in a wheel chair, she informed him that he is not to be in the hall alone.

He told the nurse that he is never alone

The nurse said “well who is with you now?”

His father replied “Jesus. He is always with me. I am never by myself.”

Yesterday Joe had to go to the hospital to receive cortisone shot in his knee.

The hospital is located next to the nursing home.

His father went into the exam room and there were three chairs.

The doctor came in and sat down in one, and Joe asked who else was coming since there was an extra chair.

The doctor replied that it was for Joe’s friend.

Joe asked ” what friend?”

The doctor replied” Jesus.”

Word of what Joe told that nurse travelled all through the nursing home and through the hospital.

Joe reminded them all that they are never alone. Jesus is always with them.

A Welcome Reminder from Sheila

2011-06-05T09:39:00.002-04:00

"""For God has not given us a spirit of fear, he has given us a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind." 2Timothy 1:7

This is exactly what He has given to us, its there for us, we need to only grasp onto it, keep the focus on Him, yes Him alone, and not on what is going on around us. Trust, lean, pray and believe....""

In the military, as a dependent wife princess, long long ago, I made a friend named Sheila.

She was a truly ditzy blonde (and I say that with love) Or, perhaps, she was/is smart as a fox playing a ditz. I think after much reflection, the latter is true.

I could write a whole chapter on why she was smart as a fox, but that is not what this post is about.

(I will just share one example of this. She said she could not change the vacuum belt and had to have her hubs do it. I looked at her in disbelief and thought of how I do EVERYTHING around the house. (and my ex let me) )

Sheila knew how to change that belt but played dumb and her hubs changed it. She did not have to do it, and that "told" her hubby that she needed him. They are still very much in love after being married a century ( a small exaggeration)

I had so much fun with that woman while living at an air force base.

Sheila became a christian back during our military days. She used to drive me bonkers. She was what I referred to as an 'on fire' newby christian that shoved God in your face at every imaginable turn. She was invasive to perfect strangers and obnoxious in her quest to turn everyone on to Jesus.

This caused a major chasm to our relationship. I was a christian and had been friends with Jesus many many years. I believed (and still do) that accepting Christ is a personal decision. God gives us the gift and it is up to us to accept it. He does not shove himself at us.

I believed Sheila had good intentions, but you know how that story goes.

Anyhow, fast forward.

I found her on facebook awhile back and we have reconnected.

We caught up on facebook and daily she posts a verse and a thought to go along with it.

At one point she stopped doing it and I messaged her and told her I missed (truly) my verse of the day with her.

The verse above was her post this morning.

I know she has challenges in her life, but she chooses to pray and believe in God's promises. After all these years, she is still ditzy (like a fox) and is very firm in her faith. I admire her. Her light shines bright .

As most days, her verses helps me.

As you all know, we are going through tough times, emotionally, with hubby looking for a new job. I acknowledge that we are not in control of this situation.

I am going to trust, lean, pray and believe.

Thank you Sheila for reminding me.

I work hard for my money, so hard for my money...........

2011-04-14T21:50:00.002-04:00

Now that song will be in my head all day long. I tend to do that often, sometimes for days, repeating chorus' of songs in my head, sometimes outloud, either singing or humming. I am a hummer.

I got that from my Mother. My Hubs hates my humming. Oh Well!

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who was complaining about how difficult and unfair her job is.

As she went on about how bad it is, thoughts were running through my mind about how valuable her job is. She has the ability to help rehabilitate mentally and/or physically challenged youth. I remember how excited she was when she got that position. I know her work is hard, and what she does is very important, and I am sure, rewarding.

She wants to get a new job.

I tried to let her know that in our world, as it is right now, most people find their jobs frustrating, requiring more time, spent on more job functions, with the same, or less pay.

I think I pissed her off .

I also told her that there would be a line of people outside the door, thrilled to have her position.

I don't love my job.

My job is frustrating many days.

I think (doesn't everyone think the same) that I am underpaid.

I would love to have the option to work here just for fun (I do like where I work).

That is fine, but I am also thankful that I have a job.

I am thankful that I have to fight traffic to get there, (means I am employed)

I am thankful that it pays a decent wage.

If a job were loads of fun, it would be called FUN and not WORK.

Well, it's time for me to go to that place I spend 40+ hours a week at.

On the upside, it's not Monday!

Wishing You Peace

2010-12-24T09:27:00.006-05:00

Peace
is the

ultimate

of all gifts.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it cannot be bought. I would guess it would be so expensive that not many could afford it anyhow.

We can embrace peace.

We can choose peace.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is the following:

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

Although life sometime throws us curve balls,

my wish for you all,

everyday,

not only during the holidays

is
Peace

WE are PENN STATE

2010-10-31T19:50:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, hubs and I had the opportunity to attend the biggest party I have ever been to.
My son in law obtained four tickets to the
Penn State v. Michigan game
from a business associate and decided to take
us.

I had no clue what I was in for.
The weather was great, and as always, I love spending time with the kids and the hubs.
Hubs had been to Penn State games before. but I was a Penn State football game virgin.
The place was beyond jam packed with acres upon acres of RV's, cars and HUGE parties going on.

The atmosphere was so contagiously friendly that it was easy to get lost in the fun.
We met up with some of the kid's college friends and tailgated.

We had so so so much fun.
Hubs had told me that a game at Penn State was something that you had to experience to understand. He is correct. There were 108,000 in attendance at the game.
This place is gigantic.

There were probably about 20,000 above that celebrating outside without tickets and watching the game on flat screens.

The stadium rocked with excitement.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEZING BUT HAPPY

Penn State won YAY!

A few fans leaving Beaver Stadium
(it was a white out, can you tell)?

Daughter and Son-in-Law

Tailgating Aftermath Argh!!!

We had such a great time and hope to do it again!
I feel beat up though today. It was a LONG but FUN FUN day!

Fun,but strange to be a voyeur of someone's life

2010-10-23T21:38:00.003-04:00

Today I wanted to go driving around aimlessly.

It was a beautiful morning.

I already had my first cup of java, it was still early and I had money in my pocket.

I asked hubs if he felt like going with me and he grumpily said............ok.

We started off at a yard sale down the road. Most Saturday mornings, years ago, began this way. Today was the first time in a very long time.

Did not score, or perhaps did score. I left with never opening my purse. That is a score in Hubs eyes.

Back in the SUV again and we headed west, or maybe south~I am totally geographically challenged and Proud!

Hubs saw a sign for an auction and did a quick U Turn.

You see, Hubs loves auctions.

He used to live in Lancaster Pennsylvania, the land of the outside auction and the Amish..

I corrupted an Amish man (Him~and he liked it) and he came live with me.

He decided to cohabitate with me because it took too long to come court me by horse and buggy

and he is not a fan of the

Amish Airlines.

Anyhow, we found this auction.

Cars and trucks were lined up and down this long street.

It was my first auction of this kind.

I had worked an at an upscale auction house a few years ago as their computer person, but this was

nothing

like that.

This was Hubs kind of auction. Everything would go.

Here,

in broad daylight,

among strangers,

was a man's lifelong accumulation of things

and his

home,

being sold to the highest bidder.

It was his estate.

There was a plethora of things.

Most probably had no sentimental ties, but still it felt odd, almost obtrusive to be there.

Seeing all that he had touched, or loved, or whatever, put out for everyone's scrutiny of value.

With him, not there to defend their worth.

And, oh boy, this man had a lot of stuff.

Tools, decorations, furniture, housewares

and

risque art, risque toys, risque gags and risque lamps

..........the guy was into naked women,

let me tell you.

I wonder what he would feel if he knew all this was out in the open. It was circus-like as the auctioneer and runners joked about his sexual belongings.

On to my experience!!!

Ok, I was shy at first.

I was intimidated to bid. I had first time

virgin

auction bidder nervousness.

But, then, I got caught up in the excitement. I raised my hand at first,then the auctioneer knew what I would bid on,

and

he just looked at me for a slight nod.

He had my number.

The following are photos of the fun.

This was my score. I am a costume vintage jewelry addict.....Seriously!

This is a great place to people watch also. That is one of our favorite things to do!

Hubs was checking out some of the goods prior to it being auctioned off.

That white case held a lot of the pieces I bid and won!!!

Below, Hubs is putting the little wooden dove-tailed set of drawers that I bid on and won (in a slight bidding war). The auctioneer said held jewelry.

It actually had

jewelry.

It was full of copper bushings and couplers.....

Errrrrrrr, oooopppppps!

Patriot Paws. Have you heard of them?

2010-10-17T19:31:00.003-04:00

During our recent trip to the Outer Banks we visited The Wright Brothers Museum. Inside, at an exhibit, we noticed a man in a wheelchair with a dog leading him. When we were closer to the man, we noticed that the man was an injured vet and his companion dog was provided through Patriot Paws.

When we got home my husband did some research on Patriot Paw and he was touched by their mission. This sparked an idea for him to do something to help those who protect us .

My Hubs has the following posted on his facebook wall. Please contact him through FB if you are interested in helping this cause. Thank you to those who have responded already <3

That is my hubs (Rick Eichenlaub) above :O)

"On Veterans Day I'm doing leg presses at the gym for an hour. I'm looking for donations, Either a flat amount OR, an amount per ton. My goal is to do at least 120 ton in a hour. The proceeds will be going to Patriot Paws. Please visit their website at www.Patriotpaws.org. I'm looking for donations from everyone and... everywhere so any help will be greatly appreciated. "

Checks are to be made out to Patriot Paws. Contact Rick.

See More Service dog training for Veterans and the impaired - Patriot Paws Service Dogs
Providing dog training and service dogs for the benefit of disabled American Veterans and American’s with mobile disabilities.

October 9 at 11:15am · Comment ·LikeUnlike · Share · Flag

You can find Rick's page linking through my page. Thanks !!

There are tons of references to Patriot Paws online
check them out!

you can start here http://www.clickertraining.com/node/2966

Take Him I have to PEE PEE

2010-10-16T10:24:00.004-04:00

"Take him, I have to pee pee. Daddy does not know what we do during the day. Who do you love the most? Do you want to go barefoot? Do you want one shoe on and one shoe off? How does the pumpkin go? How does the shoe go? Do you want daddy to go to the car and get your computer? Giovanni this and Giovanni that. Blah blah blah. Blah. Who loves to snuggle with mommy? Who reads son the best books? Who is the best mommy? Who do you love more, mommy or daddy?"

The above was conversation we overheard last night. We were not eavesdropping. It was all said in a decibel level we didn't have to strain to hear.

Last night was probably the most bizarre night at a restaurant I have ever endured/watched/experienced in my life.

We went to a "new to us" place outside of the town I grew up in. The parking lot was raging full; indicating a good choice. We walked in and were seated in a booth. This was a casual up-scale type place.

Hubs took the side next to the circus show and I sat across, having full view of the nauseating fiasco. There was a young family of three consisting of a little boy, his mother and his father.

This child was climbing on the back of the booth (his whole body was on the divider) and the parents appeared to be oblivious to this. He climbed on the table and jumped on it. The child was knocking pictures off kilter on the walls.

Mother spoke loudly in that whiney bitchey superior tone that you would associate with a snotty "wanna be rich suburban person". She never shut up. Never.

The little boy never sat still. Never.

The father never said a word to either of them. Never.

Dinner was delivered to their table and there was quiet at the table, not for long. When the waiter checked on the meals. "Mommy-Self Absorbed" complained her steak was cold and the grill marks were not right on the cut of steak. All the while she went into making faces at the waiter telling him how gross it was and saying they must have just slapped the meat on the grill twice and threw it on her plate. This went on for about two minutes.

Waiter took back the meat, had it redone and delivered it to "Mommy Princess". She then asked for another sauce. Waiter brought it, and then asked for double sour cream and another iced tea. By the time he comes back, she then goes into drama mode again with all her faces and whining and says this is not a porterhouse steak, it is a gross piece of meat. She can't eat it. It isn't soft. She knows her steaks. This is a cheap cut of meat. It may as well be hamburger. She knows her steaks (I know I typed this twice).

I am truly amazed at this waiter handling this woman. He takes the plate and asks if she wants to order something else. Yes, PrimaDonna is HUNGRY, but she needs to study the menu again. Ten minutes later, she gets the waiter to describe exactly what sausage stuffed peppers are and decides on that.
Those peppers came out SO fast from the kitchen. You could see all of the staff and most of the restaurant guests were aware of this going on.
All the while, the father said nothing.

She never said thank you. She only shut her pie hole long enough to shove a fork full of food in her mouth.

The check came. Father paid, and thanked the waiter, and said his food was very good. Father did have a voice after all.

"Mommy Bitch", got up from the booth. Gave dear son to father. Father had son, all of his toys, his two blankets and his diaper bag.

She lead the threesome out of the restaurant.

I was hurt for the father who had no part of this family, or the control of this child. Mommy is so self-absorbed and she raising up a monster of a brat.

If this was any (and you know it was) indication of this family and their life together, it is heart wrenching.

I don't understand her behavior and I do not understand the father allowing it. Shame on both of them.

And on a side-note: Do any of you know how a pumpkin "goes"?

From this day forward-My Daughter's Wedding-May 29, 2010

2010-10-02T10:52:00.004-04:00

He fell into her life and into her heart.
Some would say, "What a coincidence, how they met".
I say
God is Good.

Cruising on a Sunny Afternoon.

2010-09-25T22:14:00.001-04:00

I had such a fun day with Hubs today. He woke my lazy self up at 9:45 Am and told me to get dressed.
He had a plan.
It was supposed to be a chilly fall'ish day but it was so perfect for cruising with my top down. (The PT Cruiser Convertible top, silly).
This man of mine was on a mission. He drove me around for about six hours, with the GPS finely tuned, hunting down "new to me" thrift stores. (One of my obsessions)
We headed up towards the Laurel Highlands of Pennsylvania. The scenery alone was worth the price of admission.
We are blessed to live in a spectacular state. Pennsylvania is full of mountains, forests, lakes, streams and rivers.
We drove through little towns that looked like they were lost in time. We passed dirt driveways held old pick-up trucks and tractors. Little well kept homes were proudly flying the flag in their perinneal flowered manicured yards.
Our trip took us through a few"Main Streets" in small towns towns. In some areas it was obvious the economy had taken its toll with so many empty storefronts. In other places, Small Town America flourished.
I love days like this, just Hubs and I, with the radio playing, him singing, me humming and cruising.
We found a few new thrift stores. It was fun to search for a treasure. (for me, that is gaudy, sparkly, dazzling, old tyme costume jewelry).
No material treasures were found in the shops, but I know my true treasure is my Hubs.
Thank you for another perfect day.
I love you<3

This Season

2010-09-16T19:23:00.000-04:00

So, its Fall.
I am Not a fan.
Fall reminds me of death.
Most people seem to like the season,
They even look forward to it.
Not me.
Fall is a empty, but reflective time for me.
My Dad died in Fall.
Many years ago.
I was 14. Too young to lose a Dad.
He was just over 40. Too young to die.
36 years ago, I became Fatherless.
How can time pass so quickly?

This is how I feel

2010-07-17T15:18:00.001-04:00

Its been a long time away from blog land and I am not even sure I care to venture back.

I used to enjoy writing, although it took time away from the really important things like snuggling with my hubs, chatting with my daughter, petting my dog and cat; real time life.

Blog time became the priority of my day. I looked foreword to everyone's comments; approval meant so much~instant gratification.

I would continually click over, just to see if someone had visited my blog, read and most importantly, commented. ( I have noticed I have lost followers; interesting)

I became immersed in other's bloggers daily routines and lives. I knew more about blog land people than some who are in my family.

I felt driven to participate in the cool weekly games of other blogs. I felt guilty if I was too "lazy" or time restricted to do my "post it note Tuesday" or such.

I felt frustrated if I was a watcher of a new blog and that person did not become a watcher of mine.

I closely monitored how many followers my fellow bloggers had, and if my numbers had moved.

I refuse to become emotionally entangled again in blog land, but I do continue to check in on some of my favorite blogs from time to time.

I do not want to "need" the approval of readers to feel valid. Valid may not be the correct word, but I know what I mean, and that is what matters. \

I want those in my life to have my attention.

They do now.

Today I was sleep-driving and I am disturbed by the whole experience

2010-04-26T21:17:00.003-04:00

I was not feeling well yesterday afternoon. I was not sure if I was catching a bug or what, but I was disoriented, dizzy and nauseated.
Maybe I forgot to take a daily dose of a medicine that I need. I have missed a dose before and get symptoms similar to how I felt. I took the medicine and still felt icky.   Anyhow, this morning, I needed to get to work and still not feeling all that well, I took what I thought was a harmless vitamin that I had in a zip-lock baggie from vacation. I thought I knew what I was taking.
I thought, but I was wrong.
What I had inadvertently taken was Ambien, a sleeping pill. I got in my car and drove to work, hitting the rumble strip enough times to be a concern to myself. I went inside work, realized what I had done (taking a sleeping pill), and told those who needed to know what I had done, and let them know I had to go home.
This is where I become very disturbed. First, why did I not realize or care that I should not get behind the wheel again, under the circumstances? Why did those I work with allow me to get behind that wheel?
I do not remember driving to work. I do not remember leaving work. I did not remember stopping at Sam's Warehouse on the way home and buying cheesecake. I do not remember eating cheesecake.
I remember taking the pill, remember telling two people at work what I did and setting the call forward feature on my work phone. I remember trying to sign into my computer. I remember waking up at 4pm this afternoon in my bed.
I have learned a huge lesson, with the blessing of not hurting myself or someone else, or even worse.
I will never assume that I can differentiate different medications by just looking at them. The Ambien closely resembled the other pill that I thought I was taking. It was small, white and oval.
I will not put pills in containers that they do not belong in, without them being properly labeled.
I feel really really stupid. I feel embarrassed. I am sorry for my irresponsibility.
I am also disturbed that I was not stopped from driving when some had known what I had done.
Today, when I woke up, from my prescribed sleeping pill sleep, I realized that I have much much much to be grateful for today. I went to the garage to make sure I did not cause any damage to my car. I figured I would not have remembered hitting anything or anyone.

I did some research on Ambien and the eating/driving thing is a concern of the drug.

As a side effect of Ambien, experts explain that it is possible for a person to be half asleep and half awake. This state causes people to do things that they would not do if they were awake, or to attempt to do things they are not alert enough to do.
Serious and catastrophic injuries have been reported as a result of:

Sleepwalking
Attempting to drive while asleep
Sleep eating
Memory loss.

AMBIEN SLEEPWALKING AND SLEEP DRIVING
There have been reports of injuries sustained by users of Ambien as a result of sleepwalking or attempting to drive while sleeping. Injuries sustained as a result of accidents while sleep driving are some of the most serious Ambien side effects. Researchers have indicated that the number of drivers who had Ambien in their blood following erratic driving behavior is alarmingly high. Otherwise safe drivers are causing serious accidents and injuries by driving the wrong way or crashing their vehicle.

AMBIEN SLEEP EATING
Those who suffer the Ambien sleep eating side effects have been found to eat things that they would never eat when they are awake. As a result, several serious injuries have been caused. Some examples of sleep eating injuries include consuming raw meats, swallow non-edible objects and users cutting themselves while attempting to prepare foods.

AMBIEN MEMORY LOSS AND AMNESIA
As a side effect of Ambien, many users have reported amnesia or episodes of memory loss. Many episodes may not be alarming or concerning to the user, but there have been some very disturbing events which users have no recollection of.

I just felt a need to blog about this today.

04.27.2010: I went to my car this morning to drive to work and discovered that I had also bought a large beach chair and a bag of limes.
Again, I have absolutely no memory of this.
I struggled driving to work, thinking of what happened, and what did not happen yesterday. I drove the speed limit, paying much more attention than I normally do. I am so thankful.

Time for a Wedding

2010-04-13T06:58:00.000-04:00

A little more than a month from now, they become one.

This year wedding planning has flown by.

But it seems like the blink of an eye since my baby girl was born.

He asked, she said yes.

This is their celebration of love and life <3

Not who I thought....

2010-04-03T09:09:00.002-04:00

When I first met him, I admired him

I admired his drive

I was impressed with his control of his vision and with his determination

Then, when things don't go precisely as he feels they should be, his redundant rants quickly become an annoyance and disruptive to the common goal

then this annoyance causes me to practice avoidance

I have discovered that he is not the person that i had perceived that he was

he is frustrated by me, and I am frustrated by him

I can see his point of view, partially

Seeing that point, does not mean that i have to agree

I can't give him the answers he wants to hear

I can only give him the answers that i have

his persistence to attempt to make me switch sides has left me the choice to not admire him anymore, or even like him

I wish he had an off switch

He doesn't, but I do

Click

What weighs 22 pounds?

2010-03-30T20:36:00.000-04:00

Since January 1, I have lost 22 pounds. I have straightened out my eating habits and become more active (not active enough). It seems like such a long time to only lose that amount. I've become friends with my game room "Gym" again. It is nice to see that it no longer has an inch of dust on it.
What weighs 22 pounds that can help me to visualize exactly what I have lost?
Well, I am off to ride my recumbent bike.
Peace Out.