From YAWN to Come Hither

Really, Really Tired

2010-08-31T23:56:00.002-04:00

The YAWN part of my name is definitely true right now. I just can't get energy. The fact that I haven't been able to go to the gym since my ankle injury is definitely a contributing factor.

I went back to the ankle doctor today. BTW, any idea what the orthopaedics doctor is an orthopedist? Why is there an 'a' in the first word, but not in the second? These things befuddle me.

I've been upgraded from an ankle sprain to a torn deltoid ligament. I won't need to have surgery (phew!). I've been wearing a boot for three weeks -- now, I need to wear it one more week outside the house. Inside the house, I've been given another type of brace that laces up and basically looks like a corset for my foot. I don't think there are any whale bones in it like old-timey corsets. Next week, I'm supposed to transition into full time wearing of the corset-ankle-brace-thingy. I'm still not supposed to exercise for another three weeks. I am supposed to do some physical therapy exercises at home during that time. If I'm still in pain in three weeks, I'll have to have more traditional physical therapy. At least it seems like there may be a light (and a pedicure) at the end of the tunnel!

My really muscular calves are definitely taking a beating from all of this. My non-injured foot's calf is still looking nice. The calf attached to my injured foot has basically atrophied. It's gone from being the lovely calf of someone who took 13 years of ballet to one that looks my grandma's arm jiggle in just three short weeks!

School is kicking my butt! It's been a really hard back-to-school for me this year. I took on an extra responsibility at school this year, I'm planning a wedding, and oh yeah, I'm in constant pain. These are added to my normal August stressors -- not good.

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a better week than I am. I'm just glad we get Monday off -- I think I'm going to sleep the entire day!

Kim

Weigh-In Friday

2010-08-27T22:10:00.002-04:00

I feel like this week, I could just copy and paste last week's entry. I'm still in my stupid boot. I feel like I can't exercise effectively, so I'm not. Still, I lost 1.8 pounds. Since mid-June, I've lost 11 1/2 pounds! I really feellike I've started losing some muscle in my legs.
Not much else to report weight-wise. School is back in session, and as an 8th grade teacher, we just finished the first week. I am thoroughly exhausted. Most nights this week, I have been in bed by 9:30! I'm looking forward to being back in the groove. Hope you all had a great week!
Kim

Weigh-In

2010-08-21T18:25:00.002-04:00

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. This is like a miracle, since I'm still really immobile and I'm also a little down because of my stupid ankle. I don't feel like it's getting any better. I have my next doctor appointment on the 31st. We'll see.

School here is starting on Monday. I've been back at work doing teacher stuff for a little over a week. Kids arrive in what seems like just a few hours! I'm ready -- I just wish I didn't have the stupid boot on my leg. I feel like it diminishes my authority -- something you don't want to do on the first few days of school.

Most of the schools around the city started 1-3 weeks ago. It's been nice to be the last hold out! We still get out around Labor Day, so I'm not complaining!

Hope you all have had a good week. I'm going to try to write everything down this week. I haven't been very good about that.

Kim

Weigh-In

2010-08-15T23:47:00.002-04:00

I weighed in Saturday and was only a little disappointed that I gained .2 of a pound. With my ankle injury, I have been able to do no exercising. I need to know of some cardio I can do that I can be seated for. Any ideas? I can lift weights with my arms if I'm seated. I'm still really tender down near my ankle, and I'm really getting sick of wearing the stupid boot. Only 2 weeks to go, I hope!
Anyway, I was hoping to stay the same or lose a little, but I knew it was going to be tough. I'm going to be very careful about my points and tracking this week.

I Stepped on a Stick

2010-08-12T23:36:00.002-04:00

Last Saturday, Max and I headed up for an overnight in the mountains of northern Georgia. We stayed at a lovely place which we are considering as a venue for our wedding. We stayed there about 2 1/2 years ago for one of our first out-of-town adventures. While Max slept, I stayed awake that night and had the realization that I wanted to marry him. I took out the hotel stationery and made rough plans for a wedding there. We're not 100% sure we're going to get married there, but I at least wanted to go back to see if I still liked it.
After we met with the events coordinator, we went hiking at Black Rock Mountain State Park. We like hiking. We do it about once every six weeks. We had hiked uphill about three tenths of a mile when I stepped on a stick. The stick rolled one way while I continued in the other direction. Needless to say, our hike was over. Having to hike back down that mountain (at least it was only 3/10 of a mile) was one of the most physically demanding things I've ever done. What had taken us about ten minutes to ascend took nearly an hour to descend. I could only walk a couple of steps at a time.
The good news is that I didn't break anything, which we confirmed after several hours in an ER in a really tiny town. We came home with me in an aircast and using a pair of crutches. Every step hurt like I was being stabbed. I went to an orthopaedist on Tuesday and am diagnosed with a really bad sprain. They moved me into one of those big boots. I'm supposed to wear it for 3 weeks and go back to the doctor. If things aren't going well, I'll be in for another 3 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed. I already feel a ton better, but it is still pretty tender after nearly a week!
I just wish that school wasn't starting. I'm having to get my room ready while wearing my boot. Each year, we basically have to pack everything into boxes in case the adminstration decides to move our classrooms over the summer. Mine didn't change, but I still have to unpack all the boxes. It's a lot of physical labor, but I've been able to get a lot done. I just have to rest a lot more than I usually would.
My goal is to be out of the boot before we attend a wedding during Labor Day weekend. That will be 3 1/2 weeks, so I'm really hoping I don't have to wear it with a formal dress!
I hope you've all had a great week! I'll be waying in on Saturday instead of Friday, so I'll check back in then!

Friday weigh-in

2010-08-06T23:41:00.002-04:00

I went to weigh in today knowing that I'd mostly been back on track since returning from three weeks out of town. I was down 2.8 pounds today! Since re-joining WW in mid-June, I'm down nearly 9 pounds! Yay!
Now that school is going back, I'm going to have to change meetings. I've been going to a mid-day meeting with a pretty great leader. Her name is Sissy, and she has lost something crazy like 215 pounds. She shows off her 'fat picture' every week, and it's certainly inspirational. My next best time to go to meetings would be on Thursday evenings, but that's led by another person. I remember this leader as the substitute leader from when I went to WW a few years ago. She's nothing to write home about. I could go to Saturday meetings with Sissy, but for some reason, I have always wanted to go during the week. Actually, it's mostly because I like the way this center is run, and it's near work. I don't really want to drive the 15 miles toward work if I don't have to. I think I'm going to try out a Thursday meeting with the other woman once to see if she's as non-inspirational as I remember. I may end up biting the bullet and going on Saturdays though.

Also, years ago, I had signed up for personal training at LA Fitness at a very decent rate (about $22/session). I cancelled my training because I wasn't using it, but when I went to inquire in January, they told me that I had about 50 sessions I'd paid for but had not used. Instead of letting all that money go to waste, I've used all my sessions up -- I have three left. If I want to sign back up again, unfortunately, they have to treat me like a new client with new prices. That would mean that I have to pay an initiation fee, and the sessions have doubled in price since I signed up (I think it was in '06). I'm contemplating signing up again, but the money difference is huge! They're now $40/session if I sign up for twelve months (more per session to sign up for 3 or 6 months), plus a initiation fee of $149. I tried to talk my way into a deal, but I'm very friendly with the guy in charge, and he told me this was the best he would be able to do. I believe him. So, I'm totally torn over what to do. I can afford it, but somehow it doesn't seem worth it. Thoughts?

Max and I are going to the north Georgia mountains tomorrow to check out a possible wedding venue and meet with their event planner. It's a neat ranch-style resort we stayed at a couple of years ago for our first anniversary. After he went to bed, I stayed up, took out the hotel's stationery, and drew up wedding plans for the place. It was that night that I decided that I wanted to marry him. This is definitely the sentimental favorite. It would be a destination wedding for everyone -- it's about two hours north of where we live in Atlanta. Room rates are very reasonable, and there are a lot of things to do in the area -- especially outdoor activities.

Tuesday, I'm meeting with the event planner at an in-town place we've been to for a wedding (actually -- we were invited to two weddings at this venue on July 4 of this year -- they were an hour apart and separated by a courtyard). We had a blast, and both brides were thrilled with the venue. As an added plus, there is a private bowling alley in the hotel. One of the brides used the bowling alley for a really fun rehearsal dinner, and the other bride used it as a after party location for her wedding (she was bowling in her wedding dress!). Max had so much fun. We love bowling -- I gave him a bowling ball a couple years ago, and we both have our own shoes. We bowl 2-3 times a month. Would it be too quirky to have the actual wedding in the bowling alley? I think if the seating was better, I would really be thinking about this. I am going to ask at my meeting on Tuesday if it's ever been done. As long as we have fun and end up married at the end, I'm a little open-ended about my wedding. I say that, but I might not be telling the whole truth. Who knows? I've also been thinking about possibly using it for fun engagement pictures!

I had a third choice venue I met with earlier this week. It is a historic home and 'greens' near our home. I was disappointed in what they had to offer. It was smaller than I realized, and the historic home would only be used for a possible buffet. Everything about the event would have to be outdoors. Too hot for June in Georgia! I do keep going back and forth about a possible wedding in January on 1-1-11, but we're both big football fans, and I keep thinking how many people would be wishing they were watching a college bowl game instead of my wedding. I think it's a no go, but I haven't totally ruled it out. I think it would be a lot of fun to have a New Year's Eve bowling rehearsal dinner.

I should be sleeping, so I'm going to head in that direction. Hope you all have a great weekend!

It's Coming to an End

2010-08-04T16:02:00.001-04:00

This summer has been really long! Usually, I feel like my teacher vacation is over before it starts but this summer seems to have lasted forever -- like when we were kids! I didn't teach summer school this year for the first time in a while. I guess that's the reason it seems so long! I still have another week off, officially, but I have a meeting on Monday for team leaders. That's making it seem like summer's over. In Atlanta, most of the schools are already back. Only my district still has more time off. I'm not complaining!
I'm trying to get some appointments taken care of as I start planning our wedding. I have a place out of town (about 2 hours north of Atlanta) that has sentimental value and would be a fun destination wedding. I've got several places in town which I have been to for weddings before or have had lots of recommendations for. We're going this weekend to the out of town location -- it was here 2+ years ago that I realized I wanted to marry Max. It's at the top of my list for the moment, but we need to meet with them and make sure it meets the expectations my memory has set for it. We'll probably get married next June, which seems like forever from now.
I'm also trying to make sure that Max enjoys the wedding, and it's not just all about me. If I'd wanted to, I'm sure we would have had the judge marry us at the courthouse years ago. If he could have that and wear shorts, it would make his day! Any ideas for how to incorporate his tastes?
I'm looking forward to school getting started for the sheer purpose of getting myself back into a routine. Being at home with a filled refrigerator is not good for me, but I've been better than I could have been!
Thanks to those of you who checked in on me!

Let's give this another go

2010-07-30T22:53:00.002-04:00

I'm fairly certain no one's following me anymore, but I'm ready to give this blogging thing another shot.

I've gained some weight but I've been back at WW for about six weeks. I've lost almost six pounds. This includes nearly four weeks of being out of town. I'm fairly pleased with the progress and am glad I'm back in town and can be more structured. I'm mostly back just to have a place to write down how things are going.

A lot has happened in the year+ that I've been offline. The biggest news is that after dating for a little more than three years, Max and I are engaged! We got engaged on July 17th while visiting Mesa, Arizona.

Unfortunately, much of our last two years together has really been rough for Max. You might remember that Max's brother died after a short and excrutiating bout with colon cancer. We've had a lot on our plates with his brother's estate. We are still dealing with probate attorneys and taxes. It's been a lot of stress for the last twenty months.

To make matters even sadder, Max's mom passed away in April. She had been battling breast cancer for about ten years and hit a rough patch early in the year. We had already planned a visit to her home in Mesa, Arizona during my spring break from school. That's when she passed. She was in hospice, and we were there for a couple days before she died. We then buried her in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania next to Max's dad. Max is now an orphan with a couple of cousins, aunts, and uncles, but his family is very small now. I find it very sad that he has so few family members and that I won't have any in-laws.

The second week of July, I headed out west to Arizona where Max's mom lived. As a teacher, I have a lot of vacation, whereas Max has almost none. I drove to Texas to my parents' house. My mom had decided to accompany me to Arizona so that she could help clean out Max's mom's house with us. We drove to Arizona, and Max flew to join us there. We spent a week there -- cleaning, donating, choosing things to bring home with us. The goal was to pack up my SUV with whatever we wanted for our home, and I would drive it home with me. I did that and included a week in Texas on the way home visiting friends and family in my hometown. On our last night in Arizona, Max took my mom, his aunt, and me out for dinner. It was on this evening that he proposed! I was shocked! Somehow, he had picked out a ring all on his own. When he was told that he wouldn't be able to take it home with him that day, he decided to have it shipped to his 83-year old aunt's house in Arizona (and not pay any taxes because it was being shipped to another state). His aunt loved being in on the surprise and keeping my ring in her underwear drawer for a week!

Max and I have now been living together for about two years. It's been great! It took a long time for him to propose, but I'm sure you can see that we've had a lot on our plate.

I've just started getting ready to plan a beautiful wedding. I'm sure there will be more plans to share along the way.

I look forward to catching up with each of you. If you're still out and reading my blog, drop me a line to let me know you're still out there!

Home Again, Home Again Jiggity Jig

2008-07-20T16:39:00.002-04:00

Max is en route from California. Thank goodness. I'll pick him up late tonight.

His brother is stable. He'll probably have to have the 3rd surgery this week, depending on the infection they're watching. Following that, he'll be moved from the ICU to the cancer floor. He'll probably stay there another week or so.

Max thinks he'll be home for about two weeks and then will head back out to help his brother put his affairs in order. I don't think there have been any decisions made about future treatment. I think Mike is likely to ditch the chemo and go live the rest of his days on an island somewhere. Really. Sounds kind of nice when you think about it.

I've already decided that I'm not going to weigh in on Wednesday. Everyone has been so kind ... taking me out for dinner, having me over, etc. I need about a week of normalcy to get back on the kinda lame track I had gotten on. I did get to watch one of my friend's toddlers spew carrots last night. That was a special time. For those of you who've been around a while, it kind of reminded me of last April when I was flying to Austin when the man in the seat behind me barfed all over my bare shoulder and hair. Ahh ... memories. :) That's still the most vile thing that I think has ever happened to me. Now, if it had been someone I knew, I think it would have been closer to okay. But, no, he was a perfect stranger with good aim.

Just Thinking About Tomorrow!

2008-07-19T16:01:00.002-04:00

First of all, Annie was my absolute favorite movie when I was in 2nd grade, so I think I screamed/sang Tomorrow about a billion times back in 1982. I wanted to BE Annie, despite the whole orphan thing.

Max is supposed to come home tomorrow night. I'm so excited I can't stand it.

His brother is in stable condition for the moment but has to fully recuperate from his surgeries and possible infection from the fecal matter leak before they can assess if he can go through chemotherapy. They are watching careful for infection. If he has an infection, he'll need to have a 3rd surgery to, as Max puts it, hose him down. Gross.

Depending on the outcome over the next few days, Max will stay home for a few days or weeks before heading back out. I hope it's weeks. Their mom is going to stay there until the next step is known.

I have some great friends here. I had done a favor for a friend while he was out of town (had packages come to my house so someone could sign for them), so he took me out for dinner last night. Tonight, one of the girls I sing with (whose husband has befriended Max ... they go bowling together) has invited me over for dinner. Thank goodness. Those, plus Aida on Thursay, have really kept me from going stir crazy the last few days. I did try to sleep in the bed last night, but that only lasted about 20 minutes before I got all sniffly and headed to the couch. How totally pathetic and lame is that? Max thinks it's sweet. I think it's codependent.

So he comes home late tomorrow night, and then has to turn around and be at work at 6:00 on Monday morning. Actually, he's looking forward to getting back to his routine. With his overnights prior to his going to California, we haven't been in our regular routine since early June. The overnight project got completed while Max was gone, thank goodness. I haven't made dinner for the two of us in about a month. I didn't know how much I liked doing that (most of the time).

Anyway, I imagine you are all as sick of hearing about this as I am of living it. I'm going to try to refocus on me now. By the way, my house is almost completely ready for Max to move in except for the room of woe. Now I just have to scrub a few things and clean out the refrigerator, and we'll be ready to go. I started bringing over some random things of his yesterday. I can't believe this is almost ready to happen. I can't wait!

Nonami II

2008-07-18T01:44:00.002-04:00

I've got to take today just for me. Is it selfish that I just want my boyfriend to come home? The bed is too big for just me, so I've been sleeping on the couch. Otherwise, I was finding myself reaching for him and crying in the middle of the night. How pathetic and yet sweet at the same time. So, tonight will be my sixth night on the couch. The first two, I tried the bed, and never actually got to sleep.

My friend is playing in the orchestra (violin) of a local production of Aida, so I went and saw that tonight. Then, I went and hung out with her and her husband at their apartment. I've met them through weight watchers. Her husband has lost over 100 pounds, and she has lost 40. They both look awesome! They're big fans of Max as well, so it was good to just get a night out of the house with some friends. Aida was very well-done. The woman who played Aida had an amazing voice, one you usually wouldn't find in community theater. I was pretty much blown away. She stole the show.

I need to spend a little time tomorrow making at least some weekend plans. I've been so ready to drop things at a moment's notice, that I have nothing to do this weekend. I have been going stir crazy. I expect to finish cleaning my house this weekend (all except the Room of Woe). All that's left is that I need Max to help me take the NINE bags of trash and 6 boxes of crap to the garbage and Goodwill, respectively. Then, I can actually clean, and we can start bringing some of Max's things over. I was going to start packing his things while he was gone. But, honestly, he's a total bachelor, and I'm hoping that many of his things never see the light of day in my house. We have a lot of donating to do.

He has some nice things. His couch and coffee table will eventually make their ways into the Room of Woe, and I will sell or donate the 10+ year old couch and love seat I have in there. I'm giving a coffee table and 2 side tables to the couple I mentioned before. Max is also bringing his desktop computer (I only have a laptop issued by the school), as well as a carpet steamer, a DVD player to replace my VCR, and his clothes. Everything else ... I could live without it. So, if I were to do all the packing, I think he'd miss a few things. I'll be a nice girlfriend and at least let him check things off on a list.

I've been meaning to write about this for a while. My very best girlfriend (lives here, but we grew up together in Texas) gained about 10-12 pounds. That means she went from about 115 to about 128. Poor thing. So, she decided to do Nutrisystem and buy a stationary bike. She's down to 115 again. That took about three months! So, she's stopped doing Nutrisystem. But, since she thought that it was 'just way too much food for her' she has a LOT of extras. She gave me some (like 10 dinners)one day to keep at my house for the very few times I'm actually there. They're actually quite good. When I mentioned how helpful they were to have while Max was working overnights for a few weeks, she gave me a ton more (like 30 dinners). It's been so nice to have that since I'm not cooking for anyone right now. Have any of you done nutrisystem? I know Julie from Flip this Body did, but she's the only one I know of. I'm not considering doing it ... just wondering about you guys.

Weigh-In Wednesday

2008-07-16T15:50:00.003-04:00

I wasn't sure what this crazy week would have resulted in on the scales. Somedays, I had to remind myself to eat. Other days, I totally made up for that. So, when the WW lady told me I was exactly the same, I was surprised, but knew that it made sense. I have never been exactly the same.

I heard from my gynecologist's office today. They basically said the biopsy showed no signs of cancer or precancerous changes. I still have the HPV, and I'm supposed to have another Pap in 6 months. Phew! We needed no additional drama here.

No new updates about Mike's condition yet. They're supposed to bring him out of his induced coma today. Hopefully, he'll be coherent enough to sign the power of attorney while he's awake.

Unless Mike has a really bad turn for the worse, Max thinks it's best for me to stay here and take care of the cat. I'm totally cool with that. So, I'll be doing that and maybe even tackling the room of woe until then. Max may still need to go back to California for several weeks or months. We'll see what Mike's progress is or isn't over the next few days.

All I know is that Max sounded like himself today ... the first time I can say that in the past week.

Thanks for your continuing support and patience!

Kim :)

Exhaustion

2008-07-15T01:48:00.003-04:00

One day I will reclaim this blog to be about me. However, today's not the day. Sorry!

By the way, what follows might be a little TMI.

Mike had an emergency surgery today. It turns out that during his surgery the other day to remove most of his colon, he wasn't sewn up quite well enough. All this intense pain he's been in in the last few days wasn't all from the surgical pain. He's literally had fecal matter leaking into his body since last Wednesday. Max has had such a rough time getting the nurses to help his brother. There seemed to be a much larger amount of pain/psychotic behavior over the last few days than really should have been expected. It turns out there was an actual reason for the severity of the situation.

Mike is out of the surgery -- cleaned up, sewn up, etc. Things are very touch and go. They've induced a coma so he can get some rest and hopefully not feel too much pain. As you can imagine, Max and his mom are beside themselves. He could still die in the next few days -- infection, fever, etc. Max is also convinced that they're not receiving good enough care and enough attention from the nurse staff. I'm not there to watch the goings-on, so I can only listen and report his side of the story.

I think I'll be going out to California at some point before week's end. As Mike was in surgery, I packed a bag of nice (funeral) clothes for Max to take with me. I hope he doesn't need to use them.

I'm exhausted and a little stir-crazy. I had to get out of the house today. So, for the first time in days, I showered, shaved, and headed to the grocery store and to return some library books. As lame of errands as those were, two hours out of the house were great.

I finally called my gynecologist's office today. They told me if I didn't hear the results of my biopsy within 2 weeks to call. I left a message and no one has called me back yet. I pray it's nothing serious. We can't deal with anything else right now, thank you very much.

I'm going to try to go to bed now. That hasn't been so easy lately. The bed just seems so big to sleep in alone. :(

Chugging Along

2008-07-13T16:55:00.002-04:00

There has been a little bit of progress in Mike's condition. In addition to the recovery from the surgery to remove most of his colon, another big issue was Mike's psychotic behavior. He was pretty much incoherent for several days. He has started becoming more lucid, but he is in terrible pain. His surgery is recovering, so they moved him last night out of the ICU into a private room. That's a big progression. Yesterday was actually a great day. However, last night, Max stayed in the room with his brother. He says it was a horrible night. Mike was screaming and crying. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

What we basically know at this point is that Mike is going to die from this disease. We still are not sure how he's going to choose to proceed. If he chooses to go without the chemotherapy, he'll definitely be gone in the next twelve months. If he chooses the chemo, we thing he might last 2-3 years.

Honestly, at this point, I'm not sure which he'll choose. Other than Max, their mom, and an uncle, Mike has no other family. No girlfriend, no children, just an ex-wife. I don't think it would be selfish of him to choose against the chemo and to just live out the end of the days more comfortably.

Max feels like he needs to be out in southern California for his brother. At this point, I'm not sure exactly what that's going to entail. He's coming back here to Atlanta on Monday night. He wants me to go back with him next weekend. I think I'll go for a few days and then leave Max there. Someone is going to have to deal with the fact that Mike's house is under construction and will probably need to be sold, that Mike has his own wedding photography business that will probably need to be closed or sold, and that Mike doesn't have any important papers taken care of -- living will, power of attorney, will, etc.

Max is scared to death that if he spends weeks or months out there, I'm going to need to break up with him. That made me cry so much. I'm about 95% certain that we're on the same path here ... marriage some time in the next two years. If that's the case, then I think whatever he needs to do for his brother is fine. It will be hard work, but it's totally worth it to me. I think the only place I would draw the line is a permanent move to California. If Mike is still hanging on next summer, when I'd be able to find a job teaching, I'd consider going there for a year or so, but only on a temporary basis. Now we just have to figure out what to do about his job, insurance, etc. Since Max works for a national company, I'm hoping he can try to get a post out there and actually work a few days a week. Max's uncle has offered to be for 24/7 nursing care if the brother needs it.

So, not only would I not break up with him if he needed to stay a while, but I have several connections in the LA area. People who might be able to give Max a temporary job. People who might be able to bring meals. People who might be able to offer a helping hand. On my facebook account, I noticed that I have 17 friends in the LA area. I've never even been there! Most of them are college friends.

With Max's move to my house upon us, it's probably the best time for this to happen. I need Max here to move some things around. Even if he misses out on the actual move, I know I have friends who would pitch in to help pack, move, and clean his apartment if I needed them.

I think I'm going to have to ignore the room of woe for a few more weeks and tackle it after all this has calmed down. I'll get the entire house ready except for that room. Really, I'll just have to find a temporary space for Max's couch and coffee table (the only things nice enough for him to bring with him). I can squeeze them into my living room and move them as the room of woe empties out. I have a couch, table, and love seat in there that I was intending to sell once I had the room clean enough to see them. Max's furniture will be going in there.

The funny part to me is Butterbean the cat. A few years ago, I would have laughed at you if you told me I was going to be a cat owner. Now, I think I'm going to be living for a little while ALONE with a cat. Who'd a thunk it?

Enough of that. I went to a party last night. Mostly teachers who haven't seen each other since the end of May. I had lots of fun catching up ... hearing about the 7(!) teachers who are currently pregnant and due between October and February. I will not be drinking the water. I made a Cooking Light recipe that had good intentions but was pretty much taste-less. It was called Edamame-Garlic puree. I took that along with a tray of carrots, celery, broccoli, and pita wedges. Even with 10 cloves of garlic, it just tasted like a light green mush. Everyone thought it was tasteless guacamole. It was good to catch people up on what's been going on, have them miss out on seeing Max, and know that I have them as an additional support.

I haven't been doing a lot of eating. I guess that's a good part of this. I've been making mostly frozen dinners since it's easy, and I haven't been to the grocery store enough to have too many snack foods around. Plus the whole sitting around crying and staring at space thing has kind of been keeping me busy.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go home and get the entire house ready for move-in. Max comes in after midnight. We have a lot to do in the few days he's home. Go over what's going to have to get packed while he's gone. Maybe even get a few things packed. Lots to do.

Thanks for everything!
Kim :)

Nonami

2008-07-11T23:33:00.003-04:00

I grew up near a street called Nonami. As if the city couldn't come up with just one more name for one more street. That's how I feel today. I can't come up with a title ... so Nonami it is!

Not a lot to report that I have much control over. I went to synagogue tonight to
put in a good word for Max's family. It was nice to know that I had other people pulling for them as well. Of course, I know many of you are keeping us in your thoughts as well. Thanks.

I was going to try to make this post in someway not Max-filled. However, I don't really have much else to talk about right now. And, even though this may not be the exact right forum, it definitely feels good to get it all out there.

First, Max had a terrible experience yesterday getting from Atlanta to southern California. He was supposed to fly from Atlanta to Phoenix to Burbank. His mother was flying to Burbank and was supposed to land about 20 minutes before Max. Max's connecting flight got canceled (not delayed, but canceled). Three hours later, he took a flight to Los Angeles and somehow got the airline to shuttle him the one hour to Burbank. By that time, through phone tag messages, Max learned that his mom decided to stop waiting for him and take a cab to the hospital and hotel. When Max finally got to Burbank, rented the car, and called his mother to get the names and addresses of the hospital and hotel, his mother had TURNED HER CELL PHONE OFF! He was so frustrated and had no idea where he was supposed to go. Long story short, he finally found her, but he had to work very hard to keep his temper. Yesterday was a long day for everyone.

Here's the really sucky part. Max's brother, Mike, has been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Of the stages, four is the worst. We were 'hoping' that it was going to be stage 3A, 3B, or 3C (of course, hoping that it was nothing, too). There is basically about a 5% chance that he will live for the next five years. Max says it's a very bad situation. The cancer has spread to a lot of Mike's body already. He will hopefully be starting chemo in two weeks, followed by other treatments as needed.

Mike has other issues as well ... rheumatoid arthritis, Crohns, depression, etc. I don't know if it's because he's been off of his medications, but Mike is having some serious psychotic episodes in the ICU. Honestly, I don't know if he'll make it a few weeks in order to start the chemo. He is barely cognizant of his mother and brother being there with him, and they are starting to think that he may not gain a lot of lucidity back.

Max and his mom went to Mike's house today to start 'putting his affairs in order.' Mike is only 40, and though he owns his own house and business, I don't think he has a will or any of those types of things set up. Mike's house is currently being remodeled, and Max says it's a mess.

Max's mom is doing okay physically right now, but of course, she's having a hard time mentally with the whole thing. As I wrote earlier this week, she has breast cancer. I believe it's in remission, and I think Max once told me that she had had a double mastectomy a few years ago. I'm not sure what it is that keeps her in pain, but she has basically been in constant pain for years now.

I'm praying for all of them. For Mike, who probably won't live another twelve months. For their mom, who is having to watch one of her children die a painful death. For Max, who is trying to hold it all together and be the one who is holding all of the loose strings. I'm also praying for me. It may seem self-centered to do that, but this is also difficult for me. I feel like a total outsider who is supposed to feel like an insider. I've realized that all I can do is be there for Max and listen to him. I've realized that I can't fix this, and that I can't even attempt to.

What a mess. But I am eating pretty well, so that's a good thing. I'm going to a BBQ tomorrow, so I'm going to take a few WW-friendly things. I might actually go to the gym tomorrow too. I think it will help me clear my head.

Thanks again for just listening.

Kim :)

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-10T13:29:00.002-04:00

Thanks so much for all of your prayers for Max's family. He is currently en route to southern California (with a canceled connecting flight, no less). He's meeting his mom there and then heading out to see the brother. I think he'll be there 5 or 6days.

I'm realizing that I misread my tracker last week and I actually gained 3.8 pounds ... not 2.2! This week, I lost 3.4! That gives me a net loss in the last few weeks of 1.2 pounds. That's pretty good for not really trying. I didn't meet all the goals I set for myself, namely with exercising. However, I'm keeping the same goals this week. Maybe with Max gone and me not trying to adapt to his working overnight schedule, I'll get a better pattern going.

Sarah, I hate to tell you this, but there will not be a before shot of the room of woe. I asked Max to take my camera with him to California. I don't know if he'll actually take any pictures, but I told him to blame me. The only 'recent' picture I've seen of either his mom or brother are from his brother's wedding about 10 years ago (he's been divorced for several years already). If we have children, I want them to know their relatives, even if they are no longer with us.

This week, I'm going to focus on getting at least the entire house ready except the room of woe. Maybe I'll even tackle it, but that's going to be my 'super goal.' Wish me luck with all of it!

It's just not fair

2008-07-08T23:06:00.002-04:00

I cannot seem to stop crying for more than a few hours today. At least this time, I know why I'm crying. Max got a terrible phone call yesterday that his younger brother was in the hospital in southern California. Today he had some sort of surgery to try to figure out what was going on with his insides. The doctor says that he has very advanced colon cancer that has already started to spread to other parts of his body. The doctors are going to start him on chemo very soon but the outlook is really bad right now. Max thinks he's going to head out there this weekend to help him put his affairs in order. I don't think most 40 year old single people with no kids even have wills. I imagine they have a lot of work to do.

Despite the fact that this totally sucks for the brother, what's really not fair is how hard this family has been hit.

Everyone but Max's mom has had a life-long autoimmune disease. Max's brother got the bad one, Crohn's Disease, which their dad also had. Max got off fairly easy with psoriasis. It affects him daily, but it's definitely just a skin thing. Thank goodness his insides are okay.
Their mom lives outside of Phoenix, and she has been living with breast cancer for a few years now. She's usually okay, but she has been in the hospital a couple times in the last year. Max's dad died several years ago from skin cancer. What the hell did this family do to deserve all of this? Even the cat has a thyroid condition.

I feel badly that Max's family isn't close geographically. I've never met anyone in the family, but I have spoken with his mom and brother on the phone before.

Is my family the rarity in that we haven't been plagued by disease? If so, thank g-d for that. However, it's just so sad that they keep getting sick. Will Max follow suit? Will his luck pass to me? After all, I haven't heard from the doctor about the lab work from my biopsy from last week. Can you imagine if I have to pile a bad report on top of this?

It feels good to just be able to put this out there without you all trying to stop my tears. I've been a big crybaby lately, and I just feel bad that Max has gotten the brunt of it. Y'all aren't going to dance around naked trying to get me to laugh like he does. Are you?

Weigh in tomorrow. At least I don't think I've gained. We'll see about the loss. Three different scales (mine, Max's, WW) tell three different stories. I'll cross my fingers!

Cleaning Frenzy

2008-07-08T08:50:00.002-04:00

As I mentioned before, Max is moving in with me soon. We are usually at his house because of his cat. So in the 15 months we've been together, I think he may have showered here once. For the last six months at least, my house has just been a dumping grounds. I come home once or twice a week, check the mail, drop off clothes I'm not going to be wearing for a while, and that's about it. I have not cleaned house in months, and there is so much clutter (especially around the front door).

I moved into my condo almost exactly five years ago. It was pretty clean and organized once I'd been here a while. Too bad I really haven't deep-cleaned or reorganized as I've gotten new belongings. I am a collector of stuff. I wouldn't go so far as to call me a hoarder (I have two friends who are certifiable hoarders, and I'm VERY different). I have a lot of stuff that I have accumulated over the last 32 years, and especially in the last 5.

Once I have something, it's very rare for me to keep it really clean or to get rid of it. Case in point ... I cleaned out my pantry. I threw out FOOD that expired in 1999. That's the year I moved to Atlanta (and 4 years before I moved into the current location). Granted it was just cocoa powder, but there were things that were more perishable that expired several years ago.

I'm really afraid that Max doesn't realize just how much STUFF I have. He really doesn't have much ... doesn't want much either. So, I'm trying to get rid of some things (purge isn't the right word, but it's close).

I have been a busy girl. Max still has his weird schedule in which he is working a lot of overnight shifts (yuck for both of us). So, I came 'home' for a few days to work on getting it ready for him. So far, I've tackled four closets (linen, coat, etc.), the pantry, and the kitchen. I have gotten a LOT done, and I'm proud of what I've gotten through. I still have to clean out the two bathrooms. I am certain I'm going to be throwing out cosmetics I haven't used since I moved in. I need to clean out my drawers and make space for his clothing. Thank goodness he doesn't have much.

However, the part I'm totally avoiding is cleaning out what I call the 'room of woe.' I am not looking forward to this. The room of woe is the dumping grounds for everything. The door has a lock on it, so therefore, it is almost always locked when I have people over. Max has never seen it. I haven't decided yet, but I may take before and after shots.

Around 4:00 this morning I was still lying here awake, so I decided to get up and work. I worked until nearly 9 a.m.! The kitchen is like a new being. The coat closet doesn't have many coats (I do live in HOTlanta after all), but it's organized with all my shoes and purses. The linens are all being washed so I can reorganize the linen closet. I feel like I got a ton accomplished, and I'm so thankful that I'm a teacher on vacation. So, I'm off to bed for a few hours. Will get up in a little while, take a load to Goodwill, and start all over again!

Later today ... bathrooms, one more closet, and bureau will be done. I might just tackle the room of woe. We'll see.

A few pix

2008-07-07T01:01:00.005-04:00

I've been taking lots of pictures with my new camera! I'm going to post a few of Max, me, and our cat Butterbean.
I have another new blog below.

July 4th in Atlanta

My dorky boyfriend

Butterbean trying to hide in the covers

A fun-filled weekend

2008-07-07T00:22:00.002-04:00

Not a whole lot to report except that I had a good weekend with lots to do.

Started on Thursday with some fireworks in a suburb here in Atlanta. Lots of friends. We met up for dinner beforehand. I didn't do so good at dinner, but the good thing was I didn't snack during fireworks.

Friday, we met some other friends for different fireworks. Hit up Subway on the way and brought some snacks with us as well.

Saturday, I worked most of the day making my house Max-friendly. I have so much crap I have accumulated. I don't know how in the world I'm going to make my home seem like it's his as well. I have a huge project on my hands here.

Today, I met up with some friends to go out to dinner (yummy Thai) and go to a play.

The week coming up doesn't have a whole lot to it. Max is working some overnight shifts, which means he sleeps during the day. I'm going to spend some time at my own house working on it. Yuck.

Hope y'all have a great week to come!

Still getting back on track

2008-07-02T22:55:00.002-04:00

Here's what I think it takes to get back on track:

Going to weight watchers: check
Actually weighing in while I'm there: check
Posting new blogs: check

Reading others' blogs and commenting: half-check

Counting points: not really
Practicing self-control: not really
Exercising: no

I'm on my way. Baby-steps. I overwhelmed myself before and basically made zero progress in the last year. It's time to take charge again.

Weight change: +2.2 lbs this week

Goals for this week:
exercise at least twice (gym at least once)
count points 4 out of 7 days
post at least three new blogs
comment on a least 10 posts
weigh in next Wednesday
revisit this post in a week to check up on goals
post this list in a place where I can see it

What a difference a day makes!

2008-07-01T22:54:00.002-04:00

I didn't cry at all today. What a novel idea. Thanks for your kind words about my post from yesterday. It totally made it worth it to get it off my chest.

I got to spend some much-needed down-time with Max today. He's had a rough schedule lately. As a security guard, he usually works from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. Some contractors been doing an overnight job in his building for two weeks now. Max's job has been to watch them not steal things from peoples' desks and make sure they keep the building clean. What a horrible job. He's worked with no days off from 6 p.m. to 5 a.m. for nearly two weeks. Hopefully, they'll finish this coming Sunday.
Thank goodness I'm on vacation. Otherwise, I'd never get to see him. He says the overtime pay is worth it. I'll be glad when it's over.

I bought a new digital camera -- the Canon PowerShot A590 IS. So far, I love it! I've only taken a couple of pictures ... Max and the cat. I'll post a few when I've got some new ones of me.

Also, some of you know that I'm a (somewhat) professional singer. For several years, I've been singing in a Jewish women's a cappella group. Talk about a niche market. However, we keep pretty busy, get paid to perform, and have a CD out. One of the girls in the group is engaged to someone who is in a blues band. He's asked three of us to be their backup singers. We had our third rehearsal tonight. AND, our first show with the rest of the group is later this month at a really cool bar. Definitely not a place the Jewish ladies usually perform. I'm so excited!

Not a lot going on otherwise. Has anyone read the new novel by Janet Evanovich? I don't know the title, but it's something with the number 14 in it. Is it worth buying, or should I just sit in the bookstore for a few hours? I'm #66 on the waiting list at the library. :(

Feeling the Pinch

2008-07-01T00:14:00.003-04:00

I haven't talked about this with any of my friends besides Max yet, and this isn't exactly the place for it. However, I'm going to tell you about the biopsy I had today.

At my annual gyn visit a month ago, I had an abnormal pap test. I was told over the phone that I tested positive for HPV, the sexually transmitted human papillomavirus. I was also told that I needed to have additional tests done since it seemed irregular even for the HPV.

First off, the sexually transmitted part of this is a horrible thing to think about. Neither Max nor I were virgins when we met. So, somewhere along the way, one of us got this virus. The totally unfair part of this, as far as I can tell, is that symptoms don't manifest themselves in men, there is no test for a man to be able to tell if he's a carrier, and there is no treatment available for men. So basically, men can have this without knowing and continue to pass it on. For women, on the other hand, HPV can eventually lead to cervical cancer. That doesn't seem quite fair, does it? Most HPVs usually 'disintegrate' over about two years. That is the hopeful outcome here.

So, today I went in for a colposcopy ... basically a closer look at my cervix. The 'colp' part of the word comes from 'womb.' I've been doing my research. First, right there in the room, they did a test of my cells which came back as positive for some unknown something. Then, they pinched out some of my cells as a biopsy to be sent for further testing. I should know something in about 10 days.

I've spent a lot of time crying. First, this makes me feel like a dirty whore. Second, I'm worried about what I've done to my body and how things might be affected in the future (childbearing, cancer, etc.).

It's slightly comforting to know that HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease. It's also slightly comforting to know that one of us may have had this in our bodies for years and it's just manifesting itself now. It is not, as my doctor explained, a recent transgression from my boyfriend like other STDs would imply. However, the truth is that if I'd never had sex, I would not have this virus and these possibilities.

Max has been awesome. He took me to my appointment today and has promised me that we'll get through this. I'm confident that he's in this for the long haul, and that I have his total support. I have cried, huge sobbing shaking-shoulders tears, and he has been there. For weeks. The worst part has been waiting. It's been nearly a month since I made today's appointment.

I'll share this with some of my friends when I know something concrete in a couple of weeks. For now, it's just so good to get this off my chest without having to inundate Max with my tears AGAIN. He's so cute and clueless, but he's been totally amazing. I'm lucky to be with him. It's sad that he's blaming himself for women that he slept with before me. We've made the decision that since we can't tell which one of us had this in the first place, we've got to move on from blaming ourselves.

As for weight, I'm pretty afraid of Wednesday's weigh-in. I've been snacking a lot just because it keeps me from thinking about what I've got going on inside of me. That's a terrible excuse, so I'm going to make a true effort to not have those types of eating 'episodes.'

On a totally unrelated topic, can you believe it's July already? I decided to use some of the money I made from teaching summer school to buy a new digital camera. I can't wait to go pick it up tomorrow! New pix soon!

Back from the Lake

2008-06-29T17:49:00.002-04:00

I have seen enough phalluses in the last 36 hours to last a LONG time. My friend, Mindy, is getting married in August.

This weekend, we had a lovely ladies' luncheon with a bunch of women and the moms, etc. This is my friend who has cooked about as much in her life as I have in the last two weeks. Her registry was the biggest thing I'd ever seen with all these kitchen gadgets I know for certain she will never use. So, since I know she's a canned goods kind of girl, I got her an electric can opener and an electric jar opener. At least I know those will get used!

After the luncheon, all the younger ladies headed up north about an hour to one of the bridesmaid's lake house. We had penis everything ... cookies, straws, etc. Then, we had a woman from Pure Romance (the people who put the 'o' in romance) come for a little party. Lots and lots of phalluses. In a lot of bright colors. Hmm.

We also had lots of snacky foods. Fortunately, the hostess is also on WW, so everything was mostly decent to start with.

Thanks so much for all the welcome back messages! I've missed you guys!

Watch This!

2008-06-28T01:52:00.002-04:00

One of the blogs that has given me a lot of inspiration is Pastaqueen's Half of Me. She has lost so much weight and has recently written a book about her experiences. It's called Half-Assed. I think that's an awesome title!

You can check everything out here. I promise you won't be disappointed!