You are special! And you can learn to love yourself! It's just a matter of working on your self-esteem. Here are some exercises that helped me during my recovery—and they can make a difference in your healing journey as well!

“It’s not what you are that holds you back,
it’s what you think you’re not.”

Building Confidence to Get Rid of ED

• Stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. Of course, that's easier said than done, but lots of practice will eliminate the negativity in your head. Pay attention to your thoughts—and whenever you catch yourself being too critical about yourself, counter it by focusing on positive aspects of yourself and your life. This exercise does get easier over time.
  
  We are what we repeatedly do.
  Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.
  ~ Aristotle

• Stay away from things that don’t make you feel good about yourself. During my recovery process, I stopped paying attention to celebrity and beauty magazines and certain TV shows. Even though there was a part of me that wanted to look at all these pictures, I knew it was poisonous for my mind. Whenever I saw these *perfect* celebrities, I couldn’t help but start comparing myself with them and beat myself up because I didn’t look like them. So for me the solution was learning to not pay attention to this information—and doing so made a real difference in learning to accept and eventually love myself for who I am and what I look like.
  
  What we focus on, we empower and enlarge.
  Good multiplies when focused upon.
  Negativity multiplies when focused upon.
  The choice is ours: Which do we want more of?
  ~ Julia Cameron

• View mistakes as learning experiences. We all make mistakes. They are a normal part of life. And whenever you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up for it. Learn to accept that making mistakes is normal. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. And whenever you make a mistake, do your best to learn something from this experience. Take something away from it. Grow with it.
  
  The greatest mistake you can make in life
  is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
  ~ Elbert Hubbard

• Make a difference. Help a classmate who is having trouble, volunteer your time to help make your community a better place or do something else that makes a positive difference in someone's life. By doing so, not only do you help them, but you will also feel better too. Making a difference in someone else’s life is very rewarding, and will help you feel better about yourself as well.
  
  Set your heart on doing good.
  Do it over and over again,
  and you will be filled with joy.
  ~ Buddha

These are just a few ideas that can help you start to rebuild your self-esteem. Give them a try and see how it goes, how it feels. You’ll see how you grow.

All the best,

Andrea

~ Dale Carnegie

That saying was very true for me during my struggles with eating disorders and depression. Now that I’m recovered (yes, full recovery IS possible!), I can look back and see that my life wasn’t “all bad” like I often believed. Rather, there were beautiful “roses blooming outside my window” that I just couldn't see. Roses I couldn't appreciate.

Learning to be grateful

The same is very likely true in your own life as well. There are things in your life you can be grateful for - that deserve to be appreciated. You deserve to be appreciated. You’re not as “worthless” as your eating disorder would like you to believe. You ARE worthy. You ARE beautiful. You have skills and talents and a special place in this world.

Here is an exercise that helped me learn and practice to appreciate life and myself.

I’d write down things I liked - about myself and life – no matter how small. At first, this exercise was difficult as I didn’t allow myself to see anything positive in my life. But I kept at it and over time, it became easier. More things came to mind.

I would read my writings on a regular basis to “burn them into my head.” Over time, I was able to see more and more things to be grateful about, which was instrumental in helping me recover. At the same time, the process taught me a valuable life lesson.

What we focus on, grows.

It's easier to see the positives of life when we focus on what is positive. Similarly, when we focus on what is "wrong" with us or our life, we tend to be blind to anything else.

For the New Year, let's make it a goal to try and focus on what's good about us. By doing so, the road to recovery can be made just that much easier.

I wish you Merry Christmas and All the Best for 2012!

Andrea

When I struggled with eating disorders, holidays were always the most difficult time for me. I got nervous whenever a big holiday approached. I was scared of what would happen. I was scared of losing control. I was scared of all the food and what it would do to me.

In my family, holidays meant big family dinners. But not just one family dinner - we had a couple of family dinners with different parts of the family. I felt uncomfortable eating in front of people. Even though none of my relatives knew about my eating disorder, I felt like as if they were watching and maybe even judging me.

Sometimes my relatives would tell me what to eat and say “You have to try a piece of this and try that one too!” And if I said “no, thanks”, they would ask again and maybe make comments like “one piece doesn’t hurt” or “you are young, you don’t have to worry about your weight.” Oftentimes, it was hard for me to stay strong and stick with my “no, thank you.”

Sometimes I even pretended I was sick so I would not have to join the dinner table or go to someone’s house for dinner. I felt bad for doing this but I knew I would feel even worse if my eating habits got out of control.

And sometimes I made it through the holiday dinners fine enough without any major slips or setbacks – and was SO proud of myself for that accomplishment!

Now I am recovered (yes, full recovery IS possible!), and I enjoy the holiday season and look forward to it – yes, that’s right, it is possible to learn to look forward to this time of the year again and just to have fun. I no longer get stressed out during the holidays and do not experience anxiety about the meals.

And in case you are experiencing increased anxiety around this time of the year, I want you to know that your life does not have to continue like that. You can learn to love yourself and your life again. You can learn to be friends with food again and actually enjoy it.

Please don’t give up on yourself and keep on fighting. Recovery is ALWAYS worth it! And one day, you will be able to think of holidays as a time to gather with loved ones, you can make your own special memories, and you may even be able to start looking forward to them.

Please know that you are NOT alone. If you need extra support during the coming weeks, reach out to your support team. Or participate in an online pro-recovery communities – where you can connect with others who are going through the same challenges as you are.

Being in touch with others who were also in recovery or already recovered was a huge part of my own healing journey. They really understood me and knew what I was going through. And I got so much out of their sharing that helped me move forward in my own recovery.

Underneath you'll find some tips I collected over the years to help you make the most out of the holiday season. And in case you have a tip that is not mentioned in the list, feel free to post a comment.

All the best and take very good care of yourself!

Andrea

Tips to Help You Make the Most
out of the Holday Season!

• Plan time for yourself. It is very important to take special care of yourself during the holidays.
  
  
• Make a list of things you can do to help you relax and distract yourself from eating disorder thoughts and behaviours (i.e. take a relaxing hot bath with aroma oils and candles, go for a nice walk in the park, call or visit a friend, read your favourite book, watch a comedy, write your diary, paint your feelings, etc.)
  
  
• Avoid focusing too much on food; it only fuels your eating disorder. Focus on aspects of life unrelated to food and weight. Take a break from the repetitive messages about body image on television or in magazines. Do something you would not normally do - go for a hike, volunteer for charity work, or visit with friends. The holidays are a time for reflection and celebration, so make sure you take time to do both with the people you care about.
  
  
• Try to eat in some kind of regular pattern. Avoid "preparing for the last supper." Do your best not to skip meals and starve in attempt to make up for what you recently ate or are about to eat.
  
  
• Make sure that there is food available that you feel comfortable eating. If you are invited, offer to bring a dish so that you are sure there will be food available for you.
  
  
• Do your best not to count calories and try to avoid the scale.
  
  
• Wear clothes that fit & that you feel comfortable in. And do your best not to look in every mirror you see.
  
  
• If you feel yourself starting to panic because you are feeling too full or if you allowed yourself to eat foods that you consider to be forbidden, remind yourself it is okay to eat what you did, and it is only normal to eat more during the holidays. Most people do and it really is okay.
  
  
• If you have a period where you end up using eating disorder behaviors to cope, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just put it behind you and move forward. You are NOT a failure. You are NOT back at square one.
  
  
• If you have to be at an event with certain people who make you uncomfortable, plan ways to excuse yourself from their immediate presence to avoid spending time with them. Prepare responses to make to people who may say something to you that would make you uncomfortable.
  
  
• If you feel you need to, set some boundaries for yourself by telling people ahead of time that you do not want anyone to comment on your appearance or your eating.
  
  
• Choose to stay away from certain events when you know there are people there who upset you and are uncomfortable being around. People might want you to go but you have to take care of yourself.
  
  
• Do what is right for you during the holidays. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into eating more than you can handle. You are not eating for them, you are eating for yourself. If being with certain family members or going home for the holidays is too stressful, you may have to seriously think about not going. Do not be afraid to disappoint people by not showing up and if you can, be honest about why you will not be attending.
  
  
• Holidays are a very stressful time for people with eating disorders and it really is important that you do whatever you need to do in order to make them easier on yourself.
  
  
• Get enough sleep! Shortage of sleep can create an unhealthy imbalance in your body, which will interfere with your ability to handle the holiday stress positively.
  
  
• Remember that the "ideal" and “picture perfect harmony” holiday is not real for many people. Some people can't afford it. Many single people aren't close to their families or don't have a family. Many families don't look like and act like the "picture book" family. You still might feel the pressure to have an "ideal" family. Don't blame yourself for problems in your family. People are the same at holidays and every other time of the year.

I also encourage you to create a personal recovery journal and a coping catalogue…

Personal Recovery Book/Gratitude Journal: Write down inspirational statements, your goals and dreams, what you want to do when you are free from your eating disorder, things you are grateful for, your achievements, things you are proud of, things or moments that make you happy and activities you enjoy doing – everything and anything that can support you while you work at freeing yourself from your eating disorder. And have a look at this book as often as possible, and especially when you are feeling down.

Coping Catalogue: Come up with a list of things to do when you feel trapped by your eating disorder and are ready to binge or purge. As well, include a few inspirational statements on the same piece of paper or little book. Then carry this list wherever you go and refer to it often – to remind yourself that you are beautiful and to give yourself a distraction to overcome the temptation to give in.

A motivational speaker liked to begin his presentation by holding up a $20 bill and asking, "Who in this room would like this crisp, new $20 bill?"

Of course, every hand in the room would shoot up. Then the speaker would crumple the bill, throw it on the floor, and step on it. Then he would ask, "Now who still wants it?"

All the hands would naturally stay raised.

Then the speaker would smile and say, "Think about this: Nothing I did to this money made it decrease in value. It was still worth $20 after I stepped on it. There's a valuable lesson here."

"Often in our lives, we are crumpled up, dropped and stepped on, both by the decisions we make and by what happens to us. You may feel worthless. But remember, no matter what happens to you, you will never lose your value. Our worth doesn't come from what we look like or what happened to us, but from WHO WE ARE. You're all special—you all have value. Don't EVER forget that."

Take good care of yourself,

Andrea

So I made that important decision to “change jobs”. Before, my eating disorder was my full time job. From that point forward, recovery would become my full time job.

“I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
- Thomas Edison

Of course, it wasn't a smooth process, as it isn't for anyone recovering from an eating disorder. Trial and error. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

This is where the right support team, tools and resources became so important. They helped me keep my resolve to stay on the road to recovery.

I did my best to keep an open mind to everything out there that could help me – an inspirational book, a supporting website and especially direct contact with people who cared about me.

As for most people, my recovery was a rollercoaster ride. Lots of ups and downs. But with my support structures in place, I made it and you can too.

That's why I encourage anyone struggling with an eating disorder to build that support team asap. It's critical for recovery. It's the theme of all the work I do in this field—you are not alone. Help and support is out there. It just sometimes takes a while till we find the support that’s right for us.

So, if you haven’t already, start creating your personal support team now—people who are by your side to help you through the struggle, hold your hand, comfort you, celebrate your successes and most importantly, believe in you enough to help you break free from the chains of the eating disorder.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” 
- Elbert Hubbard

Recovery is a process. It takes time. And there is no rule for how long it takes for someone to recover. We all have different stories to tell, different reasons why we developed our eating disorders, and we are all at different points in our lives and have different resources available.

It's one day at a time. One step at a time. One step at a time may seem too slow some days but these small steps add up to making a HUGE difference. Each of these baby steps brings us closer to recovery and a life free of the eating disorder.  

All the best,

Andrea

• Have dreams and to set goals for yourself that keep you motivated.  
• Do something nice for yourself on a regular basis—especially during difficult times.

I’d like to share with you two things that helped me stay focused on my goals during my recovery and take care of myself, no matter whether I was having a “good” or a “bad” day.

During my healing journey, I often had to “force” myself to do these things. And today—yes, I still do them today—I just do them automatically. As I have said before, a lot of the skills I learned during my recovery process weren’t just “recovery skills” but really skills for life!

• Is what I’m doing moving me closer towards my goals? Every night before I go to bed, I think about my day and whether what I did moved me closer towards my goals. That way, my focus is on productive things.
  
  
• Taking care of myself! Every day, I do at least one thing that makes me feel good about myself and my life—something that I enjoy doing like painting my nails, trying out some new make-up, going for a walk, taking a nice, relaxing bath with aroma oils and candles, scrap booking, reading a book, and so on.

These activities are very simple, but as you’ll also see when you start doing them, they can make a world of difference too.

You deserve to be loved and treated well, especially from yourself.

All the best,

Andrea

One of the biggest Aha-moments during my recovery process was really “getting” and feeling that I was NOT my eating disorder.

For the longest time, it actually felt like I was my eating disorder and my eating disorder was me. I didn’t know who I was without it.

It was as if I had a non-stop negative tape recorder in my head—there was this voice constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough, needed to lose weight, etc. And for years I had mistaken this voice for my own true self.

And during my recovery process, I learned to separate these two voices—mine and the toxic eating disorder one. Especially in the beginning, it was difficult at times to see where one started and the other one ended. It didn’t help that in the beginning, my own voice was so small, I had trouble hearing it. The negative toxic voice was so loud and dominant.

But, whenever I heard this toxic voice telling me negative things about myself, I’d ask myself if it was the “real me” talking, or the eating disorder speaking to me.  

When it was the eating disorder talking, I had to learn to disobey its commands. I had to learn to take control back over my life. After all, it was MY life, not the eating disorders’. I did not want to be a slave of it any longer.

I started to pay more and more attention to my own voice. Even when I was not able to listen or trust it, I did my best to acknowledge it, be grateful for it, and slowly gave it room to grow.

As I did, I found the eating disorder voice starting to grow weaker over time from neglect. The less I paid attention to it and more to my own voice, the stranger the eating disorder voice became. Over time, this toxic presence felt “sick” and out of place. And eventually, it faded away.

Yes, the eating disorder voice can be silenced. It used to be with me every waking hour. And today, it’s gone, as it can for you.

But you need to nurture your true you; your real voice first.

It took time to develop the eating disorder and it takes time to break free from it. But the important thing to remember is that breaking free from the eating disorder IS possible.

All the best,

Andrea

Sometimes I felt too weak to get back up all by myself – I was tired of the whole recovery process and ready to give up and give in to my eating disorders… and in moments like these, that’s where my recovery support team was especially important. They didn’t give up on me. They believed in me, no matter what.

Back then I didn’t know what they saw in me—why they thought that I could succeed. Why did they believe in me so much when I had such a hard time believing in myself? What did they see that I didn’t see?

One of the people from my support team once shared this Zig Ziglar quote with me:

“Failure is an event, not a person.”

Powerful! And so true!

Having setbacks in your recovery journey is normal. Don’t beat yourself up over them—but do your best to be kind to yourself, learn to forgive yourself and do your best to reach out for help whenever you feel that the eating disorder’s grip is getting stronger on you.

“Just because you make mistakes,
doesn’t mean you are one. “
~ Author Unknown

Even if it often doesn’t seem like it, eating disorders really can be overcome. The important thing is to not give up, but to keep working on your recovery. It really is worth it.

All the best,

Andrea

I know what it’s like to struggle on a daily basis—to feel hopeless and helpless at times. I’ve been there.

I also know that life does not have to continue like this. Eating disorders can be overcome. I’m proof of this and not the exception to the rule.

You can learn to see food for what it is – something to enjoy, something that tastes good and gives you the energy you need to live your life.

You can learn to like – and eventually even love – what you see when you look in the mirror.

So, that all said, let me leave you with a powerful quote by Thomas Edison that I found while in the recovery process.

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves.”

You can astound yourself too.

All the best,

Andrea