When people ask me what religion I am, that is what I tell them.  The truth is…I haven’t been a practicing Catholic in years.

I was raised Catholic.  My parents weren’t religious, but they thought it was important that my brother and I have a solid religious background.  Also…the public school where we lived was terrible.   So I went to Catholic school and I was taught by priests and nuns.  I had religion class every day.  I read the Bible.  I went to mass every week…and in high school I went twice a week.  I was a member of the CYO and my friends and I would sometimes hang out at the rectory on the weekends.  I believed in the Church and everything they taught me.

Then something happened…something really ugly and horrible.  A priest that we’d all been very close to…and who had disappeared from our parish a few years before…was suddenly on the news.  He was in jail for abusing a teenage boy.  He’d been doing inappropriate things for a long time and the Church covered it up…moved him from parish to parish…didn’t get him the help he so clearly needed…and at least one kid has to live with those actions for the rest of his life.

That shook me and the foundations of my belief in the Church crumbled.  I never lost my faith in God…but I no longer believed in the Church.  That was about 17 years ago and since then, I haven’t voluntarily attended a Mass…weddings and funerals only.

But lately, I’ve found myself longing for Mass…longing to be a part of a church again.  It’s something I’ve been struggling with…because I’ve developed many beliefs over the years…on things like gay marriage and a woman’s right to choose and divorce…that don’t quite mesh with the teachings of the Church.  Doesn’t saying I’m a Catholic and then picking and choosing what I believe make me a hypocrite?  A fake?  A fraud?

Yes, I think it does.  But that doesn’t make me want it any less.

So what is the answer…do I continue to shun the Church?  Do I do what has been suggested to me and find a different religion that more closely matches my personal beliefs?  Do I go back to the Church and pick and choose what I want to believe?

I don’t know the right answer, but today is Ash Wednesday and I’m going to spent the next weeks of Lent trying to figure it out.  It seems a much better use of Lent that giving up chocolate or soda…especially since I can never really stick to those things anyway.

26.  Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?

I hate impossible choices like this…but I guess that’s the point of these questions.  I wouldn’t want to lose my old memories.  There are people who were very important to me who have died and to lose all memory of those people would be horrible. It’s like they would be erased from my life forever.  But at the same time, I have a lot of years yet to live (I hope) and a lot of experiences I haven’t yet had.  I wouldn’t want to lose memories of getting married or having children…and grandchildren.  So as painful as it would be to lose the old memories, those are the ones I’d have to sacrifice .

27.  Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

No.   Think of it this way…I can hand you a box and tell you it’s empty, but until you open it yourself, can you really know for sure that it’s empty?  You can choose to accept an answer as the truth without challenging it, but in order to really know, you must challenge it.

28.  Has your greatest fear ever come true?

My greatest fear is dying in a horrible manner…like drowning or burning to death…so no, that hasn’t happened.

29.  Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?

Yes…and no.  There was something that happened 5 years ago that caused me to be extremely upset.  It was something real and valid and meaningful.  The fact that I got so upset caused someone else to do something they might not have done otherwise and that decision changed both of our lives.  At the same time, there was something else that happened a little over 5 years ago that I lost sleep over at the time…and now, it doesn’t matter at all.  In fact, I didn’t even think about it until I had to answer this question.

30.  What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

There were so many happy memories that it would be impossible for me to only choose one.  I guess the ones that really stand out are the ones that include my entire family…parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins…all together in one place.  These get-togethers happened a lot when I was a kid…sometimes at my great-grandmother’s with my mom’s family and sometimes at a restaurant or my aunt’s house with my dad’s family…but they were always loud and boisterous…and awesome.  Having everyone together in one place is what always made it special…especially since so many of those people are gone now and the gatherings just aren’t the same.

Wow…my brain is feeling better and more productive already.  That’s probably good since it’s Monday and it’s going to be a busy week.  I  hope you are all having as good of a Monday as me.

HA!  Just kidding.  I’m not sure if it’s been like this everywhere or if they are only doing it here because she was from New Jersey…but the top story on every newscast is about Whitney.  I’m pretty sure there are more important things going on in the world right now…move on news people. 

I’m moving on as well…here are my real random musings of the week…

• One little letter in a sentence can make a big difference.  I read a headline the other day that said “Invention gets couple shot on TV”.  I clicked over to the article thinking it was going to be some kind of reality TV debacle where someone maybe shot someone else for stealing their invention.  That is not at all what happened.  The story was about a couple who got A shot on the show Shark Tank.  The article turned out to be very boring…not that I want people to get shot on TV or anything.  I’m just saying…maybe my local newspaper needs to do a better job with grammar. 
• There is a new Woody Harrelson movie and every morning while I’m getting ready for work I see the commercial.  The line they show is Woody saying “I’m not predjudiced…I hate all people equally.”  Every morning that line cracks me up. 
• I always find it amusing when I’m walking to work in the morning and I see men walking little tiny dogs in coats.  It seems like the bigger the guy is, the smaller the dog.  My favorite was the guy I saw who could have seriously been a football player walking a tiny little yorkie wearing a pink puffy coat and a polka dot bow in her hair.  I always wonder if these guys are being forced to walk these dogs by their wives or if they are the ones dressing the dogs up this way. 
• While watching CNBC I heard the following quote “The US economy always does well in a year when there is an American model on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.”  And they guy who said it was dead serious.  I understand that these people are on TV all day and have to talk constantly.  I understand that they probably run out of meaningful things to discuss.  But really???  The swimsuit edition influences the entire US economy?  I don’t think so.

And lastly…a doozie…

• As we were leaving the crematorium after my grandmother’s service we noticed the brochure on the back table.  One by one, we were all stunned by its sheer creepiness and by the time we all got outside we were giggling over it like idiots.  I like to think that it was one last joke that my grandmother left for us so we didn’t feel sad.  There’s no possible way to describe it to you…so let me show you…
  
  I get what they were trying to go for here…the couple was together as little kids and now they are old and they are still together and now they are going to be cremated together.  Or something like that.  But I think they missed the mark on their message.  To me…what I get that the little kids cremated the grandparents and threw the ashes in the trunk of the car.  Maybe that’s just me.  What do you think?

That’s it for this week.  Don’t forget to grab the button and link up below!  Have a great weekend everyone.

Come over to From The Sidelines to find out more about him…and how he just might make me love the Knicks again.

**Photo via.

It’s a struggle…believe me.  I wasn’t born with such a positive attitude.  It was definitely learned…mostly from my grandmother.

My grandmother, Clara, was quite a woman.  She had MS for most of her adult life and it progressively got worse over the years until she was partially paralyzed and had to use a wheelchair to get around.  She lost a lot of her eyesight, most of her hearing and a good part of her memory.  She had a lot of struggles over the years…but she never complained.  Ever.  I don’t think I ever heard her say a negative or unhappy word.  Well…except that time that her roommate in the nursing home “borrowed” a few dollars from her and didn’t pay her back…but mostly she’d just smile and say “What can I do?  There’s no use in complaining about it”.  She found joy in the things she could and she never dwelled on what she couldn’t do.

It was a really good lesson to have growing up.  That attitude has served me well and it’s made it easier to get through some difficult situations.  When life really sucks, I try to just smile and make the best of it…and eventually it sucks just a little bit less.  And whenever people ask me how I can stay so positive, I just tell them about my grandmother.

My grandmother passed away last night.  She will be missed very much…but I will make sure that I remember what she taught me and I will always look on the bright side of things.  Because what else can I do???

Anywa…I don’t know how much more free my mind is now that I’ve been answering these questions…but I’m really enjoying them.  They have certainly made me think about some things I wouldn’t have ordinarily.  And after today I’m halfway through!  So here goes…

21.  Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A worried genius.  I think it would be horrible to go through life without questioning or learning anything new.  Knowledge gives you the power to take care of yourself and to make your life better.  It might come with some worries, but I’d rather have those worries that be ignorant.

22. Why are you, you?

We are all a collection of our life’s experiences.  Our families, where we were born, the friends we make, the jobs we do…all of these mold us into the people we are.  I am me because of the things I’ve experienced in my life.  If I’d been born in a different place or had different friends or done different things, I would be a completely different person.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Not when I was in high school.  I let my lack of self-confidence and my desire to be popular influence some decisions I made and I ended up hurting some of my friends because of that.  However, now that I’m older and I’ve grown up and I’ve figured out what is important in life, I’d say that, yes, I am the kind of friend I would want as a friend.  I love my friends and I value my friendships a great deal.  I work hard to make sure I’m always there for them and that they know exactly how much I care for them.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

Definitely losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you.  Many of my closest friends live far away and, although we can’t see each other very often, we manage to stay in contact via phone and email…and we make the time we do spend together count.  So having a friend move away would be upsetting, but it would certainly not be the end of a friendship.  If it’s possible to maintain close friendships with people who live far away, it’s really a shame when you lose a friendship with someone who is close by.  All friendships take an effort, but a friendship with someone who is close by should be easier to maintain.

25. What are you most grateful for?

I am grateful for so many things.  In fact, I once wrote a list of the 101 things I’m grateful for.  But if I have to choose one thing I’d have to say it’s my family.  We are close and we are always there for each other no matter what.  That’s a wonderful gift to have and I consider myself extremely lucky to have it.

*****

Wow…halfway through.  I’m really looking forward to the rest of the questions.  I was skimming them yesterday and there are some good ones coming up.

Until then…I’ll give you this week’s random musings… 

• The other night, I got on the subway to go home and I had one of those moments…the ones where you just have to wonder what the person you are looking at thinks when he looks in the mirror.  I wish I could have taken a picture for you…but sadly, I was too close and he would have heard my camera click.  I don’t think I could possibly do this guy justice, but picture this…super tall and skinny…perfectly done hair…very broken in leather jacket that probably cost more than my car payments…the tightest skinny jeans I’ve ever seen…big plastic hipster glasses…and to top it off, a perfectly curled handlebar moustache like this…Not even kidding.  He was so tragically hip that it was just…well, tragic.  Hipsters make me crazy.  And sad for the future of our world.
• I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…ladies, just because you can wear those pants doesn’t mean you should.  I spotted a woman last night, probably in her mid-sixties, wearing leather pants with fringes down both sides.  I’m not saying she shouldn’t have worn those pants because she’s in her sixties…I’m saying no one should wear them…ever…because they are horrible. 
• The handles on the faucet in our work bathroom get loose every now and then from people turning them on and off.  But apparently, I’m the only person who seems to notice it because every time I turn on the water, I tighten the handle.  This morning, the handle practically fell off in my hand.  I know we are busy when we are here, but do my co-workers really not see the handle getting loose?  Or are they just incapable of tightening it? 
• I have a page-a-day calendar on my desk, the theme of which is “texts from last night”…which is a website where people can submit texts they’ve received from their friends.  It’s hilarious but it’s also pretty dirty and completely inappropriate for work, so I keep it turned toward the wall.  It kind of defeats the purpose of having a calendar on my desk.  But the pages still make me giggle every morning.
• The Powerball Lottery jackpot is something crazy right now…like $200 million.  I have purchased my tickets and I have every intention of winning.  So I am planning a very good weekend.  I’ll let you know on Monday how that works out for me!

Have a great weekend everyone!  It’s going to be snowing here, so I plan to curl up on the couch with the dogs (they are like little space heaters) and watch movies.  And nap…I plan to nap quite a bit. 

**photo via google.

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