During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director ‘How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.‘

‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, and then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.‘

I hope You understood what a normal person will do… That’s right…

‘Oh, I understand,’ I said. ‘A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.’

‘No.’ said the Director [...]

‘A normal person would pull the drain plug.   Well…….  Do you want a bed near the window?’

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Ruling Party XYZ Said… – “Someone may steal from it at night.”

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..

- “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said… ,

- “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $20,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they lay off the night watchman.

Moral of the story:

“Current Situation In IT industries”

Technorati Tags: it, office, situation

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What if? Cupid ruled d world and
Valentine was d prince of Cupids’ kingdom…
I think evry day would be a Valentines Day!
Dat means evry day is another chance 2 show
our loved ones tender lovin care in a special way!

In this Valentine’s Day…
I Just want to Say…
I Love You Moooooore than I Can SAY!!

Ask my eyes to stop looking at you…
Ask my brain to stop thinking about you..
Ask my imagination to stop dreaming about you..
Ask my heart to stop beating..
ask me everything..
But don’t u ever stop me from loving you.

We cannot be together,
But we’ll never be apart,
For no matter what life brings us,
You’re always in my heart.

Y do we close our eyes wen we sleep -
wen we dream,
wen we kiss?
dis is becoz
the most precious thing in the world is unseen.
Wen i close my eyes i c u!

Every sms u send I keep inside my heart,
every word u say touches upon my soul…
we may not see each other
but u will always be someone special to me…

11111111111111
22222222222222
33333333333333
44444444444444
55555555555555
66666666666666
77777777777777
88888888888888
99999999999999
Add each row with EACH OTHER,
what ever the TOTAL comes,
That much HOW I NEED U,
I THINK BOUT U,
n I LOVE U…!!!
n HOPE U FEEL THE SAME…!!!

When you love someone, it’s nothing.
When someone loves you, it’s somthing.
When u luv someone & they luv you back,
it’s everything

I luv my eyes when u look into them;
I luv my name when u say it;
I luv my heart when u luv it;
I luv my life when you are in it.

How do i love you?
i really cannot tell,
for it is a pain
like no known ache,
a pain with which i would not part,
for i treasure life
and life is my heart,
and my heart is you…

A Perfrect Gift for U!
Today!
Absoloutely at no Cost,
Non-taxable,
Silent Peformance,
Extremly Personal,
Fully Returnable – it’s a SMILE from me.
Enjoy & take care…

When i tell u here, i am
when i tell u i care, i do…
when i tell u i’ll never Leave u, i wont.
Sum it all…i’ll b here, i’ll never get tired
of caring here 4u & i won’t leave u.

When it comes 2 luv,
its hard 2 know if u have d right 1.
Many lovers weep, and left in sorrow.y?
Bcoz Words cant immortalize emotions.

I ask God for a rose n he gave me flowers;
I ask God for water n he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel n he gave me the best luv ever!

Love is what I see in, your smile every day.
Love is what I feel in, every touch you give.
Love is what I hear in, every word you say.
Love is what we share every day we live
Bee love honey,
Miss love money,
Flower love due,
But,
I LOVE YOU

Please come and sit beside me
I have so much to say
The words I have to share with you
I need to speak todayFahad
My heart for you will never break. My smile for you will never fade. My love for you will never end. I love you!

Only the open heart receives
LOVE
Only the open mind receives
WISDOM
Only the open hand receives
GIFTS
and…
Only the CUTE 1’s receive
MESSAGES From ME!

I would never be tired of you
even if I am with you all day long.
In fact I grow to like you a little more every day.
I love you.

Feelings are many but words are few,
clouds are dark but sky is blue;
Luv is a paper, life is glue,
every thing is false,
only My Luv is TRUE

Technorati Tags: Cupid, Heart, love, Lovers, SMS, Valentine, Valentines

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After some 10 mins, when every one is waiting to find what exactly happend!

Security Officer started the Announcement

“Dear Employees – With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you, it will be the last evacuation drill, as we are laying off almost 80% of the employees. While moving in who-so-ever’s ID card won’t work are laid off & all their belongings will be couriered to them tomorrow. We followed this approach as we don’t want to fill email box size with layoff mail in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office”. Hope you have nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck.”

Technorati Tags: employee, employees, Heart, layoff, mail, recession

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This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:

Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true!!!

Technorati Tags: Men, terminology, think, Women

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Raju Chacha sat up on the wall 
Raju Chacha  had a great fall 
Balance sheet died 
Shareholders cried 
Raju Chacha made a fraud

Raju Chacha
Yes People 
Cheating us 
No People 
Telling Lies 
No People 
Open the balance sheet 
HA HA HA

Technorati Tags: Cheating, Satyam, Truth

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Best wises to all of you for a prosperous and profitable new year.

     _   _
    | | | | __ _ _ __  _ __  _   _
    | |_| |/ _` | '_ \| '_ \| | | |
    |  _  | (_| | |_) | |_) | |_| |
    |_| |_|\__,_| .__/| .__/ \__, |
                |_|   |_|    |___/
          _   _
         | \ | | _____      __
         |  \| |/ _ \ \ /\ / /
         | |\  |  __/\ V  V /
         |_| \_|\___| \_/\_/

         __   __
         \ \ / /__  __ _ _ __
          \ V / _ \/ _` | '__|
           | |  __/ (_| | |
           |_|\___|\__,_|_|

Sharing a few jokes on new year resolution and depression with you…

Quit smoking

Rakesh: Hi Raj, please give me a cigarette.

Raj: I thought you made a new year resolution to quit smoking.

Rakesh: I did. I am in the process of Qutting. I can’t do it
overnight. I have taken a phased approach. Phase one is
ongoing. To be honest, I am quite successful at it.

Raj: And, What is Phase One?

Rakesh: I have quit buying.

A depressed man

There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver
steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it
all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was
just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand
seeing a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall
asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires
me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was
stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home
and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards
there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get
there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and
come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my
life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Technorati Tags: driver, joke, jokes, life, office, Subprime, think, wife

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Husband: Its all about important and not so important decisions.  I take all Important Decisions, my wife takes all not so important Decisions.

Me:      And, what are not so imporant decisions?

Husband:
Red tie or Black tie?
My son goes to which school?
Where do we go to dine?
Should we have pizzas or Pasta?
Buy a 32” TV or 51” TV?
Which car should we buy?

Me: (Thinking What’s Pending)

And, what are Important Decisions?

Husband: 
There are many things for me to think upon right now!
Foreign Affiars!
How to deal with Terrorism!

Technorati Tags: car, marriage, think, wife

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          __  __
 __/\__  |  \/  | ___ _ __ _ __ _   _   __/\__
 \    /  | |\/| |/ _ \ '__| '__| | | |  \    /
 /_  _\  | |  | |  __/ |  | |  | |_| |  /_  _\
   \/    |_|  |_|\___|_|  |_|   \__, |    \/
                                |___/
  ____ _          _     _
 / ___| |__  _ __(_)___| |_ _ __ ___   __ _ ___
| |   | '_ \| '__| / __| __| '_ ` _ \ / _` / __|
| |___| | | | |  | \__ \ |_| | | | | | (_| \__ \
 \____|_| |_|_|  |_|___/\__|_| |_| |_|\__,_|___/

        ___
       /   \
       \   /
  _     | |     _
 / \____| |____/ \
 |  ____   ____  |
 \_/    | |    \_/
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        |_|

Blackmail

Little Johnnie desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas.

His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, but Johnnie decided to go one better.

“Dear Jesus,” he wrote. “If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I won’t fight with my brother Hank for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise. So Johnnie threw away the letter and started again.

“Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.

Suddenly Johnnie had an idea.

He went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag. He took the bag upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the package in the farthest, darkest corner.

He then closed the closet door, took a new sheet of paper and wrote, “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”

Stolen Goose

Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!

Priest: That is very wrong.

Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?

Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.

Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won’t have it.

Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.

Confessor: Thank you, Father.

The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen…

The Atheist and the Shark

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, “Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive…”

Technorati Tags: almighty, jokes, mythology

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Software Engineers are striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs.

The Universe is trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

So far,
the Universe is winning…

Technorati Tags: engineer, programming, software

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