fun spot funny pictures and emails

Court room jokes

2012-09-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

(Another favorite)

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral..

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

India Full of Fun ...

2012-09-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

INDIA FULL OF FUNFunny Real photos from India

Dog is OK, Beware of Owner

How to cut/chop onions without crying

Liquor Dispenser

ONLY IN INDIA, FUNNY PICTURES FROM INDIA.

Aakash Tablet - How to Buy and Where to Buy

2011-12-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

Pre-Book: Click Here
The Aakash tablet is the world’s lowest priced tablet PC. The Aakash is a 7” Android 2.2 touch screen tablet that has a HD video co-processor for a high-quality multimedia experience and core graphics accelerator for faster application support. The Aakash tablet is the only Android device in the market to offer DataWind’s UbiSurfer browser, based on 18 international patents. The UbiSurfer browser accelerates web pages by factors of 10x to 30x, allowing for a web experience who’s speed is unrivalled.

Aakash Tablet's Features

Aakash tablet comes loaded with a lot of features and supports up to 150,000 apps.
Aakash tablet comes at an unbeatable price of Rs. 2,999 only.
Aakash tablet is perfect for anytime anywhere web access.
The internet can be accessed at a monthly charge of Rs. 98 only. Fast web access is possible though Datawind's patented acceleration technology.
One can also connect to social networking sites like Facebook, twitter etc. through Aakash Tablet. It offers a lot of multimedia options with high definition quality videos.
Watching movies and listening to songs also becomes easy through Aaksh Tablet. Not only can it be used to play games, Aakash Tablet can also be used to make notes and presentations.
It has a full-sized USB port and Micro-SD slot which can be used to expand the memory up to 32 GB.

Aakash Tablet's Specifications

Specifications	Aakash	UbiSlate 7 (The upgraded version of Aakash)
Availability	NOW!	Late January
Pricing	Rs.2,500	Rs.2,999
Microprocessor	Arm11 – 366Mhz	Cortex A8 – 700 Mhz
Battery	2100 mAh	3200 mAh
OS	Android 2.2	Android 2.3
Network	WiFi	WiFi & GPRS (SIM & Phone functionality)

iPhoe, iPad, iPod ....iPaid

2011-10-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Apple Fun

Limits of computer knowledge

2011-09-23T04:13:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID

SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:

1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."

------------ --------- --------- --------- -

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____# ###

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."

Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech Support : ?!%#$
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"

Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech supports :( hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke. com/ > at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Height Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Speed Control Technology, Artificial and Natural(inadvertently)

2011-08-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

In Canada, they use speed control trick by "creating" holes using stickers on the road. And see the same technology without stickers in Kerala, India.

Amazing Types of Kisses

2011-08-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

A collection of kisses
A kiss - a simple act that can convey a diverse array of meanings. A kiss can be intimate and private, or meant for public display, it can convey love and affection, or simply provide comfort. Its use as a greeting is under fire in our current climate of H1N1 fear, as the French government has begun encouraging citizens to forgo "la bise", their traditional cheek-to-cheek kiss, for health reasons. Gathered here are 33 recent photos of kisses expressing greetings and farewells, congratulations and joy, respect and, above all, love.

Team Columbia rider Mark Cavendish of Britain receives kisses on the podium after winning the second stage of the Tour of Ireland cycling race in Killarney August 22, 2009. (REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth)

Spc. Dan Kovac and wife Tara Kovac of Bellwood, Pennsylvania kiss as the first wave of more than 4,000 Pennsylvania National Guardsmen returned to Fort Dix on Aug. 25, 2009, coming home from from combat operations in Iraq. (AP Photo/Elizabeth Robertson, Philadelphia Inquirer) #

Ukraine's President Viktor Yushchenko kisses the Ukrainian National flag in Kiev, Ukraine, Sunday, Aug. 23, 2009, as he attends the State Flag Day. (AP Photo/Presidential Press Service, Mykhailo Markiv) #

A couple kiss as they set up at the Climate Camp on Blackheath, in south London, on August 26, 2009. Around 1,000 activists descended Wednesday on a stretch of open land in London after the location of the week-long Climate Camp was finally revealed. Protesters arrived from several areas of the capital to Blackheath in south east London, setting up the camp on a hill overlooking Docklands and Canary Wharf. (Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images) #

Heath Slocum kisses his 20 month-old daughter Stella, as he celebrates his win at The Barclays golf tournament at Liberty National Golf Club Sunday, Aug. 30, 2009, in Jersey City, N.J. (AP Photo/Mel Evans) #

A couple dance during the qualifying rounds of the 7th Tango Dance World Championship in Buenos Aires, Monday, Aug. 24, 2009. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) #

Connie Kirchner kisses her cat, Buddy, after finding he had survived the 49er fire that destroyed her home in Auburn, California, Monday, Aug. 31, 2009. The 49er fire broke out Sunday, consuming 340 acres, and burned an estimated 50 homes. Kirchner and her family were forced to flee their home Sunday before they could grab Buddy. (AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli) #

Boston Red Sox relief pitcher Jonathan Papelbon kisses his baby girl Parker on the head while sitting with his wife Ashley before taking on the New York Yankees at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts on August 21, 2009. (REUTERS/Adam Hunger) #

Actor Moa'tasem al-Beek kisses the U.S flag during a play titled "American Experience" in Amman, Jordan on August 31, 2009. The satire address issues Arabs living in the U.S. Faced after the September 11, 2001. (REUTERS/Muhammad Hamed) #

Brawn GP Formula One driver Rubens Barrichello of Brazil kisses the TV camera on podium after the Italian F1 Grand Prix in Monza September 13, 2009. Barrichello won the race ahead of his team mate Jenson Button of Britian and Ferrari's driver kimi Raikkonen of Finland. (REUTERS/Stefano Rellandini) #

Zookeeper Nadja Radovic kisses a 6-day-old lion cub, in the lion's enclosure, at Belgrade Zoo, Serbia, Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2009. Three cubs were born Aug. 13, from mother African lion Kiara, and father, a white lion called Wambo, who is a top attraction at Belgrade Zoo. (AP Photo/Srdjan Ilic) #

Melat Yante, Miss Ethiopia 2009, gets a kiss from Cassie the Sea Lion while in Dolphin Cay at ATLANTIS, Paradise Island, Bahamas, August 6, 2009. (REUTERS/Miss Universe Organization L.P.,LLLP)

Whitney Toyloy, Miss Switzerland 2009, kisses a dolphin at Dolphin Cay in Atlantis, Paradise Island, Bahamas on August 8, 2009. She is in the Bahamas for the 2009 Miss Universe competition which was held in the Imperial Ballroom at ATLANTIS, Paradise Island on August 23, 2009. (DARREN DECKER/AFP/Getty Images) #

Yusuf Saad Kamel of Bahrain kisses his running shoe after winning the men's 1500 metres final during the world athletics championships at the Olympic stadium in Berlin, August 19, 2009. (REUTERS/Michael Dalder) #

Kim Clijsters of Belgium kisses the championship trophy after defeating Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark in the Women's Singles final on day fourteen of the 2009 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 13, 2009 in the Queens borough of New York City. Clijsters defeated Wozniacki 7-5, 6-3. (Clive Brunskill/Getty Images) #

This picture taken on July 8, 2009, shows Aksentije, 14, a Serbian youth with Downs Syndrome being kissed by his father Sasa as he attends a community center in the southwestern Serbian town Aleksandrovac. Aksentije plays a leading role in a film highlighting the difficulties of disabled persons being accepted into society, and how they strive to triumph over adversity. (ALEXA STANKOVIC/AFP/Getty Images) #

Angie Heusinger, firefighter Jonathan Croom's mother, kisses his casket after speaking during a funeral mass for her son at St. Joseph Cathedral in Buffalo, N.Y., Friday, Aug. 28, 2009. Croom was one of two Buffalo firefighters who died Monday, Aug. 24, 2009 after falling through the floor and into the basement of a burning convenience store while searching for a victim who was reported trapped. (AP Photo/Harry B. Scull, J.R.) #

A student kisses his mother on the sidelines of the making of the film "Abel" at a school being used as a movie set in Aguascalientes, Mexico, Friday, Aug. 28, 2009. (AP Photo/Marco Ugarte) #

Police Man and Protester playing cricket

2011-08-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

Some smart creative photographer visualized this frame and enhanced it to cricket action. The original photo is taken during a protest at Mumbai. While a protester throw stone, police man trying to defend it using his baton. At this angle, with imagination, it visualized as bowler and batsman.