A belief is a certainty that we create. It is something we believe is true.

     Beliefs incorporate our views about relationships, the work place, religion, family, money, failure, success, and life.  We believe them until something else happens that challenges them.  Some beliefs do us well; many do not. 

     That is why all my beliefs are on probation.

                                                     Example 1:
 
    I used to believe that I had to be perfect before becoming a speaker. I wanted to make NO mistakes in front of people.  This belief delayed my career for years. 
 
    I changed that belief when I observed other motivational speakers and trainers making all sorts of mistakes!  I learned that the not-so-polished speakers were extremely successful --- in fact, the ones who could laugh at themselves, make the most mistakes, and share their vulnerabilities, were the most successful at connecting with people.

    I learned that beliefs can be dangerous.  Right or wrong, good or bad, they guide our behaviors.   I learned that following my passion was more important than my need to be perfect and look good in front of people.

                                                         Example 2: 

     I facilitated 2 rival groups within the same company: sales vs. technical.  The CEO was having nightmares with their lack of support for each other and their breakdown in communication. Back-stabbing, minimal teamwork, and disharmony ruled.  I was called in to work miracles.

    The turning point was an activity called “Back-Talk.”  Mixing the 2 groups together in teams of four; they had to create different ways to communicate with each other without talking.  They could choose to work together or not.  With their pride, egos, and  competitive spirit in check, they were out of their comfort zones.

     Outcomes were hilarious!  They were completely frustrated.  They had to use their frustration to build relationships, tap into their creativity, ask for help, and work together.  And they did.

     Be aware of your beliefs.  Awareness is the key.  Being aware and open to new information about ourselves and others will help us determine whether our beliefs are good or bad.  When we start to fine tune and adjust our beliefs so that they work for us instead of against us, we start creating powerful and lasting lives.

Let's cut to the chase.  If you answer any ONE of these questions below or ask any of these questions, you will grow and/or the recipient will grow.

These are thought-provoking questions that will encourage and enhance personal and professional growth.

They apply to kids and adults and can be asked at home or at the office --- you choose the situation.

1. Is this an obstacle or an opportunity?
2. How is this like your life?
3. What is this costing you?
4. What is your next step?
5. What is your definition of “success?”
6. What did you learn from this?
7. How would you do this differently?
8. How can you apply what you learned?
9. What specific action steps will you take?
10. What else is the matter?

There are 3 sides to every argument:

1. Your side.
2. Their side.
3. The truth.

The #1 biggest cause of all upsets and arguments ----- “the need to be right.”  This is a killer.  If we can get over that, if we can kick out that need ----our lives shift.  That need to be right forces us to dig in our stance and make the other person defensive.

The #1 way of handling all arguments & upsets ----- and the most difficult ------
“Training yourself to see other peoples' points of view, in the midst of an upset.”

This is sooooooo difficult and is not the natural thing to do.  It takes incredible
strength.   And must be learned & practiced.

"So what you're saying is...
"Your point of view is...
"This is how you feel...
"This is your truth..."

When you can do this, upsets and arguments diffuse and disappear, while solutions and healing kick in.

********* The Do’s of How to Argue **********

The real secret of how to argue is language.  Especially the first word. This takes incredible strength, wisdom, and courage because it means eliminating the word, “you.”

1. “I experienced…..”
2. “I feel…..”
3. “I need…”

And remember that conflict is good. That is how we grow and learn about ourselves and the other person. Things become clearer.

Conflict precedes clarity.

Want to know how to handle conflict and communicate effectively? Here are ten ways to handle a charged disagreement, get your point across and keep your relationships solid:

1. Geography --- immediately go to another room, outside, or different location.
   Move, move, move.  Leave the original stress scene behind!
2. Remember behavior is not the person.  They are separate.  How people behave is   not who they are.
3. Listen, listen, listen,  listen,  listen,   listen,  listen,  listen,   listen.
4. Your tone of voice is everything.  Raise it and you raise your partner’s defenses and add hours to the upset, not to mention hurt feelings.   Speak softly and clearly without anger….even if your parents didn’t.
5. Never bring up the past.
6. Sometimes (actually, many times), an argument is triggered by an event, unrelated to the real upset.  Great question to ask:  “What else is the matter?”
7. Instead of criticizing, ask for what you want.
   When your partner criticizes, ask "what do you need?"
8. Kick out judgment…… and you kick out 99% of your arguments.   That means kicking out  that need to be right.  Real strength is knowing you are right… and not telling the other person.
9. Do not surrender just so that the conflict will go away.
10. Perspective.  Remember that you are healthy, above ground, and better off than most of the world.   Being grateful helps arguments end faster.

Do you want to know the quickest way to success, and the quickest way to empower others to succeed?

The experts say that THE WORDS we use in our everyday conversations and in our thoughts determine:

• Our mood
• Our reputation
• Our destiny

The same applies to LEADERS!  With the all the leadership and management training classes I have attended over the years, the single most provocative and enlightening revelation that I have learned is --- the power of words.

Do you want to become an instant Leader? It does take certain skill sets, abilities, and charisma, yes. It also takes choosing the right vocabulary words.

Changing our vocabulary words means changing our vocabulary habits.  

My first example is one of my favorites.   Use the word, “problem,” in a sentence. Go ahead.  Say the sentence silently to yourself. Now, substitute the word "problem" with the word "challenge" in the same sentence.  How differently do you feel?  It is subtle.  And at the same time, very powerful.

I have officially eliminated the word, problem, from my spoken vocabulary.  I use the word, challenge,  instead.

Leaders use the challenge  word often.  It means things are solvable. Goals can be reached.  Success is possible.

A Few Other Vocabulary Samples:

Instead of the words on the left, try saying the more empowering words on the right:  

lazy	storing energy
but	and
problem	challenge
exhausted	recharging
overwhelmed	in demand
I failed	I learned
I should	I will
I messed up	I recommit

I experience the words in the left column every day.  But, I choose to use the words in the right column… when I remember!  Awareness is the key.

Experts say one of the top skills of EXCELLENT LEADERS is catching people doing things RIGHT.  That means 3 things:

• Acknowledging
• Supporting
• Validating

Our culture is obsessed with focusing on negative behavior. We do that with our families at home.
We do it in the workplace.  Strangely, it seems that criticizing and negative thinking are considered "realistic" in our culture.  Support, praise, and encouragement are often considered insincere or manipulative.

Maybe we revel in the mistakes of others to save us from aspiring any higher ourselves or from taking responsibility for our own shortcomings.

When we catch people doing things RIGHT, we are not only learning to focus on the positive....
we are empowering and motivating others. Good leaders use that skill to make the world a better place.

Examples in the workplace are:

"Thanks very much for sharing that, Sue. It took a lot of courage for you to do that."

"Karen, I appreciate you for gracefully bringing the group back on task.”

"Thank you, Bill, for taking responsibility and not blaming others.”

"I just want to acknowledge all of you for your willingness to do this work.”

"Pete, I appreciate your taking notes today."

"Jill, thanks for taking the initiative in our upcoming project."

As leaders, it's not our job to fix anyone or to have any solutions but to empower others to solve their own problems. Our job is to help team members expand the horizons of their awareness, and to facilitate their taking responsibility for their actions and reactions.

Yet when we're in front of the room facilitating a group or leading a teleconference, it's sometimes difficult to remember that just because we're leading, it doesn't mean that we have to be an authority on the subject at hand. In fact, the amount of brilliance unleashed in our participants may depend on how well we let go of our need to have all the answers.

A wise facilitator once said: "The wisdom in the room is far more important than the sage in front of the room."

To me, that means excellent leaders pause.  Instead of coming to the rescue all the time, a good leader allows his or her team to struggle.  During that struggle, new leaders emerge.

If we let go of control and allow others to lead, we will see people empowered and engaged, having more fun, and achieving greater results. It will also take a huge burden off us as leaders, because now we do not need to know everything.
  
Example

You're facilitating a group of people focused on accountability issues. One member of the group throws an impossible situation at you. You have no idea how to solve the problem presented. You are really stumped and you don't know how to respond. If you begin thinking, "Wow, I'm supposed to be the expert sage on accountability here. I need to come up with something brilliant, or change the subject pronto!"  Then you'll probably get stressed out and offer little value to your participants.
But if you decide instead to just admit what's going on and say for instance, "Hey. You've really stumped me with this one.  What does this bring up for the rest of you in the group?" You will have actually increased your level of credibility to the group by being honest. You will have empowered the group by seeking their wisdom and insights on the issue. Furthermore, you will get a more balanced perspective on the issue by drawing on everyone's life experience.

Experts say that non-verbal communication is as important as verbal --- if not, moreso. Effective leaders need to be conscious of the power of their own body language and use non-verbal body language to gain rapport, connect, clarify, and win negotiations.

It is important to be sensitive to cultural differences in body language. When in doubt, check out your perceptions thoroughly. 

Examples of POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE:
 
* opening your posture
* if presenting, standing where you can be seen by all
* moving deliberately and for a purpose
* using hand gestures to strengthen and enhance your communication
* not using podiums or other objects to hide behind
* making regular eye contact without staring
* smiling genuinely and nodding
* standing upright with relaxed posture
* amplifying what you are feeling with genuine facial expressions. 

Examples of NEGATIVE BODY LANGUAGE:

* Avoiding eye contact
* Not smiling or faking a smile
* Facing someone at an angle or leaning away from them
* crossing arms or legs when the other person is not
* drooping your shoulders
* gazing sideways and not being fully present
* fidgeting

The Secret for success for one-on-one body language:
Mirror the other person. It is a skill to mirror body language without appearing to mimic or make fun. Try it. People will connect with you instantly and not know why they like you!

When I reflect on the wisdom I've learned over the years as a team building facilitator, I find there are four core beliefs that have guided me and saved me from a lot of frustration and wasted time, while building great relationships.

Lesson#1: 

I cannot change people.  The only person I can change is myself.  Knowing this has stopped me from wasting my time and energy on family, friends, clients, and bosses! 

Lesson#2:

When we step back and get the big picture, we see perspective.  Just because I am having a bad day doesn't mean my whole life is a disaster.

Lesson#3:

My life changes for the better dramatically whenever I learn to kick out 1 or more of these nasty needs in life:  
  
• Need to be right
• Need to look good in front of others
• Need to be perfect
• Need to protect my ego
• Need to judge

Lesson#4:

The greatest gift I can give another human being is being present with that person in the now moment.  That is NOT easy.  We all want to speak up and respond immediately.  Listening is a learned skill.  Listening is a gift.

1. Be Real. If you're not being real, people will know, and you compromise your integrity. Being genuine is a gift to yourself and others.

2. Be Totally Present. This is a learned skill. 

3. Work on Yourself. Listen to tapes, go to conferences, read empowering books, hang out with smart people.

4. Celebrate Your Successes.  Most people ask "What's next?" and never stop to celebrate.  That's sad.

5. What is your destiny?   Remembering your true motivation and passion behind your life will strengthen and energize you.

6. Remember the most powerful 4-letter word in the English language when it comes to handling rejection....."NEXT."

7. Be grateful.  There are always people worse off than we are.  It is impossible to be depressed and grateful at the same time.

The communication experts say that we learn in different ways.  We have different “learning styles.”

The secret for speakers, coaches, parents, teachers, and anyone who wishes to connect with others is….connecting with peoples’ learning styles.  This becomes so much more effective when using an experiential, learn-by-doing format, rather than  traditional lecturing.

Getting people to interact will have far more lasting impact than lecturing.

The primary goal of facilitation is to make things "easier" for a person or group to learn, grasp, or accomplish, while allowing them to come up with the answers. This is particularly true when deciding whether to facilitate or teach. 

That is a big decision. Many teachers choose to lecture their students. That has been our tradition. And our egos very often depend on this perception. Teaching is easier to do than facilitating. I know.  I taught traditionally for many years. This is not to say that there is never a time for lecture. There is. Balance is the key.

So what's the point? The point is that not everybody is auditory. People will better learn, engage, shift, and change by actually participating in some behavior that engages their multiple senses. Providing your participants or students with an experience that engages multiple senses is far more powerful than anything a mere lecture can provide.

Example

I was asked to present a 20-minute keynote at a luncheon for 80 members of a local Chamber of Commerce.  Few people knew each other. I was asked to help them get to know each other better and talk about better communication --- in 20 minutes.   I told them I do not do miracles.

Now I could have talked about communication processes and bored them to death.
Not to mention, when people are eating, they are a step away from napping.

My work was cut out for me.

Here’s what I did:  I broke them into pairs and asked them to answer one question:
What is the most outrageous thing you both have in common?

Partners left for a quiet place and returned 5 minutes later.

When they stood up and shared their answers, people were falling off their chairs laughing! They learned more about each other in 5 minutes than they would in a lifetime. That is experiential learning.

What are some good ideas to facilitate juicy debrief discussions?

• Participants must be engaged. To encourage this, use icebreakers to generate a warm climate at the beginning of the seminar and help people open up.
  
  
• Can participants see each other, or are they sitting side by side in rows facing the front of the room? Eye contact and “equal seating” promotes and encourages more open discussions, like a circle or a semi-circle.
  
  
• Establish criteria for a good discussion at the beginning of the day. Spend a few minutes letting the participants generate these criteria themselves. Encourage your participants to take responsibility for bringing good issues for discussion.
  
  
• Listen well. Respond in a way that indicates that you heard and understood the question or the comment. Validate questions by either expanding on or challenging them, and encourage participants to challenge you.
  
  
• No time limit for debriefs. Good discussions require time for warming up, reflection, maximum input, and closure.
  
  
• Pause often. Quiet time is good. It allows people to think and reflect.
  
  
• Check out The Book of Questions as a resource; it poses dilemmas of all kinds, and it demands that readers take a stand. Asking open ended questions is an art.
  
  
• Present material as problems to be solved, and encourage the consideration of multiple solutions. For example: "Let's consider all the ways we might determine the period in which to place this artifact." --or-- "There are lots of ways this story can be interpreted. Let's see if we agree or disagree with the critics.
  
  
• Maximum participation can be achieved when allowing participants to work in groups of three or four. Assign them a discussion topic and give them five or ten minutes to put together a response. Let them decide how to present their thoughts.
  
  
• Prompt participants with a variety of questions that require different levels of thinking.
  
  
  • Some questions can be answered with information from general experience or from basic knowledge of the discipline.
  • Some questions require that participants explain the relationship between different ideas, using this to form general concepts.
  • Some require participants to apply concepts and principles to new data and different situations.

•  

Excellent Debriefing Questions

My  favorite 1st Debriefing question:

What  was your experience?  And some follow up questions:

Can you be more specific?
Can you say that in another way?
Can you provide some more details about ______?
Who else had the same reaction? Who had a different reaction?

- Desired outcome:  Participants make sense of data by drawing meaning from it, identifying significant connections, patterns, or trends.

Facilitation  questions:
Do you see a pattern here?
How do you account for ______?
What was significant about ______?
What connections to you see?
What does ________ suggest to you?

- Desired outcome:   Participants generalize information to other experiences. They understand how overarching principles apply to different situations.

Facilitation questions:
What can we infer/conclude from _______?
Does _____ remind you of anything?
What principle do you see operating here?
What does this help you explain?
How does this relate to other experiences or things you already knew?

- Desired outcome:   Participants apply new learning to real world situations.

Facilitation  questions:
How can you use that information?
What does this new information say about our own actions/lives?
What are the consequences of doing or not doing _____?
How can you adapt this information to make it applicable to you?

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

• Mentoring – Choose strong role models and be one to others. 
• Laughing – Laugh at  yourself…and with others…and often. 
• Empathizing – Put yourself in  the other person’s shoes 
• Inspiration – Find a hero, model them, stretch yourself, and share your gifts. 
• Vulnerability – “I’m sorry.” “I was wrong.” “I recommit.” 
• Researching – Go to book stores, listen to tapes, use the Internet, hang out with  wiser people, attend workshops, etc. 
• Reflecting – What have you learned? What will you do differently? 
• Criticizing – Be open to constructive criticism. It has the potential to teach us. 
• Communicating – Ask, ask, ask. Listen, listen, listen. People cannot read our minds. 
• Risk-taking – Attempt new approaches. Let go of old attitudes. Put your beliefs on probation. 
• Assessing – What is important in your life? Who is important in your life? What really matters? 
• Goal Setting – Make measurable and put a time limit. 
• Making Time – You make time for stuff or you make excuses. 
• CANI – “constant and never-ending improvement” (from Tony Robbins)

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

Blindfold me and take me into a plain room with 12 to 20 employees from the same organization. Don’t tell me who they are, what they do, or the specific challenges they are having at work. I want my  expectations level at zero.

I will take  off my blindfold, set up, facilitate, and de-brief the following activities:

 
• Gravity Pole 
• Zoom 
• Journey in the Forest 
• Back-Talk 
• Amazing Maze

Through Awareness Coaching, I will  be able to tell you all about this organization: their strengths and their challenges.Even better, the team  members will be able to come up with the answers themselves.

The key is awareness.

“The all important link between  performance and behavior change
in organizations is the elusive quality of  awareness.”
The Wisdom of Teams –  Creating the High Perfomance Organization,
Katzenbach and Smith, Harper Business.

When we become more aware of our own actions and beliefs, and those with whom we work, we work better as a Team. These new perspectives and new appreciations compel us to treat each other better and interact more productively.

These activities are the vehicle. Participants enjoy the unique challenges of each one. They strategize, search for solutions, find surprises along the way, and  play full out.  All they can think about is success. And like life, it doesn’t always happen. That is when the learning kicks in.

Awareness is noticing if you or your teammates:

• Follow the rules
• Bend the rules
• Lead
• Follow
• Cheat
• Play honestly
• Trust
• Respect
• Speak up and assert
• Choose to listen
• Communicate effectively
• Communicate unproductively
• Ask for help
• Go it alone
• Get frustrated and angry
• Use frustration to change strategies
• Take responsibility for the outcome
• Blame
• See the big picture
• See the tiny details
• Have fun
• Have fun only if successful
• Play win-lose
• Play win-win

These activities reveal so much. Because I believe that how we play these activities is how we do life, I am able to see and observe how organizations really, really, really act and behave in the trenches.

Awareness Coaching is guiding and allowing the team members to gain specific  perspectives into their own behavior and attitude and how it affects others. To me, the difference between typical team building coaching and awareness coaching is that awareness  coaching blends personal one-on-one success coaching with group success  coaching.  Maximum engagement is achieved through whole group activities, groups of 4, dyads, and individual challenges --- so that the learning jumps back and forth between individual eye openers to  group discoveries.

Example Activities:

Journey in the Forest --- Individuals learn how they perceive the challenges in their life. One lady several years ago stood up and remarked how this metaphorical journey reflected her life perfectly. Until this moment she had not taken the time or effort to step back and  see the whole picture. She was anxious to get back home and make some decisions. When I asked her for an example, she  said it was time to change her relationship choices. Not all are that dramatic!

Back-Talk --- Teams of 4 create personal ways to communicate with each other as a Team. I remember  one person commenting that he used to assume that people in his department who didn’t understand him were stupid or resistant to his ideas. It just might be the way he communicates. He now takes responsibility for both giving and receiving the information.

Amazing Maze --- The whole group attempts to find the hidden path from one end of the maze to the other. This powerful activity tells more about a group than any other. Is your group a TEAM or not?  Who are the TEAM players and who are not? Is  there room for improvement? What is this TEAM’S chemistry? What is your TEAM’S potential?

My personal turning point in Awareness Coaching came on a train to Callaway Gardens many years ago. I was peacefully reading a book when a man and his 4 children boarded. They proceeded to run all over the place screaming and playing tag. The father did nothing. I found myself reading the same line over and over again. I was mad. Just as I was about to say something to the man, he apologized to everyone  and said his wife had just died. They were on their way to her funeral. Somehow, I didn’t notice the kids the rest of the trip. That was a huge lesson in awareness and judgment for me. To this  day I do not judge my Team Building  groups and ask them not to judge themselves during our day. That is Awareness Coaching.

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

“Outside motivation” typifies the rah-rah, pump-it-up, get-out-there-and-attack-the-world approach. There is nothing wrong with this motivational approach; many excellent trainers use it. I find that it wanes over time and requires periodic tune-ups.

“Inside motivation” begins on the inside. Tougher to achieve, inner motivation lasts because it becomes part of our belief system. Experts say that is the key to behavioral change. Beliefs guide our behaviors. My definition of beliefs:                  

 

A belief is a certainty that we create. It is something we believe it true.

Beliefs incorporate our views about the work place, religion, family, money, honesty, failure, happiness, life, death, etc. We believe them until something happens that challenges them. Some beliefs serve us well; many do not. That is why all my beliefs are on probation.

Example 1:  I used to believe that I had to be perfect before becoming a Success Coach:  my speaking skills, my facilitation skills, my activities, and my credentials. And of course, I had to make zero mistakes in front of people. This belief delayed my career 8 years.

I changed that belief when I observed other motivational speakers and trainers making astounding mistakes, facilitating weakly, and choosing ineffectual activities. Some had Ph.D’s; others did not finish high school. I learned that beliefs can be dangerous. Right or wrong, good or bad, they guide our behaviors. I learned that following my passion was more important than my needs to be perfect and look good in front of people.

Example 2: I facilitated 2 rival groups within the same team: sales vs. technical. The CEO was having nightmares with their lack of both communication and mutual support. Each thought they were above the other. Back-stabbing, minimal teamwork, and disharmony ruled. I was called in to work miracles.

The turning point activity was “Back-Talk.” Mixing the groups together in teams of 4, they had to create different ways to communicate with each other without talking. They could choose to work together or not. With their pride, egos, and  competitive spirit kicking in, they choose to work together.

Outcomes were hilarious, frustrating, extremely creative, surprising, and successful. Old beliefs were challenged because new awarenesses pushed them aside. This was the beginning of a new culture in that company.

It is learning new awarenesses about ourselves and others that trigger challenges to old beliefs. When we start to fine tune and adjust our beliefs so that they work for us instead of against us, we start creating a powerful and lasting inner motivation.

In my team building programs, my goals are to create compelling activities and ask moving questions that ignite our creative juices and stimulate new ways of looking at things. I cannot change people. I can only start the awareness process.

Awareness is the starting point for giving us the wisdom and courage to change all our need-to-do’s, would-like-to-do’s, and maybe-I’ll-do’s…..
to MUST DO’S. And that starts from the inside out.

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

I read this story several years ago, and do not know who  wrote it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail  with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy  middle-aged man entered.  He was so striking that the woman could not take  her eyes off him.
   
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly  toward her.  Before she could offer her  apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her,  "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter  how kinky, for $25.00......on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
   
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed $25 from  her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said.....
"Clean my house."

The key ingredient in Team Building begins with excellent  communication.
Clarity is the key ingredient in communication.

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

Team members talk and communicate across departmental barriers.	The work place is built around silos, cliques, and isolation barriers.
Leadership walks its talk.	Leadership says one thing --- and acts another.
Team members are encouraged to contribute and are rewarded.	Back-stabbing, private agendas, and low morale rule.
Team members trust each other and ask for help.	People have their own agenda. (What’s in it for me?)
Team roles are clearly defined, supported, and encouraged.	The individual is more important than the team.
Catch people doing things right.	Catch people doing things wrong.

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

1. Constant and never-ending improvement is encouraged:
   team days, team retreats, motivational seminars, refresher courses, strategy sessions, creative workshops, appreciation days.
   
   
2. Leadership is shared among the whole team with a variety of leadership styles encouraged.
   
   
3. Open communication with team issues is vital for team growth. Conflict is not suppressed. Managing conflict improves team performance.
   
   
4. Team mission statements, goals, and vision are created by the team and held accountable by the team.
   
   
5. Do we ask for Feedback? Feedback clarifies the team direction, helps evaluate team performance, strengthens leadership, and promotes leadership.
   
   
6. Catch people doing things right!

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

1. Ask these 2 important questions to the boss before you meet.
   When a facilitator has these answers, he can create the perfect day.
   
   • What are your team’s biggest issues at work?
   • What specific outcomes would you love to see happen at the end of the day?
2. Have more activities than you will need. A good facilitator always plans ahead by bringing and planning more activities than necessary as back-up, in case the day goes really quickly.
   
   
3. Go propless. When traveling, one never knows when luggage might get lost. A wise facilitator always relies on several propless activities just in case.    
    
   
4. Be invisible. A good team building facilitator asks good questions and steps back--- allowing the participants to engage, interact, and communicate. It’s their day; let them learn by doing and speaking up.
    
   
5. Lead by example. A good facilitator is aware of his or her actions when things do not go according to plan or in between the activities.
    
   
6. Put EGO’s in the back pocket. A good facilitator allows the group to lead and proceed at their rate and on their agenda. Letting go of one’s agenda to meet the needs of the group is a terrific facilitator strength.
    
   
7. Pause. Allowing participants to pause often gives them time to process, think, and anchor their learnings. Few facilitators do this. Pause, pause, pause.
    
   
8. De-brief. Allowing the participants to process their actions, behavior, and responses after each activity is precisely when the learning takes place.
    
   
9. Be punctual. Start on time, allow breaks, end on time. Period.          
      
   
10. Nurture spontaneity. The best moments and the most teachable moments are usually the unplanned moments. Enjoy, appreciate, and honor them.
     
    
11. Laugh often. Participants learn best when having FUN!

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

We are brought up learning that nobody is perfect. Fine. I can handle that. As a Success Coach who specializes in Team Building and Leadership Training, I am not perfect. I am far from it. “Perfect” is a nasty word. It encourages us to beat up on ourselves when we are not.

That important thought helps me handle mistakes that I make when I present and facilitate groups. I tell myself that I am not perfect. That I will learn from this. That I recommit. And boom ---- I bounce back and proceed to be the best success Coach on the planet. At least that is what I tell my mind.

A turning point in my life happened when I learned the flipside of “perfect.”

All groups are perfect.

Yes, you read that correctly. I have incorporated that brand new belief into my belief system because it works for me. Now, wait a minute. I just said that nobody is perfect. Yes, and I still believe that. I also believe that all groups are perfect.

I success coach groups of all sizes, ages, and occupations. They are all different. And I mean different. I love the challenge of working with a variety of participants who have different personalities, needs and outcomes. That stretches me and that is how I learn and grow.

More importantly, when I remember that all groups are perfect, it’s OK for anything and everything to happen. I follow the lead of my group. If I anticipate one direction, and they go another, I go their way. If a conflict or upset occurs, we handle it and discuss it. If it takes 90 minutes to do a 20-minute activity, we do it. If we spend 12 minutes on an hour activity, we do it. If I make a mistake, I acknowledge it, they see I am human, and we connect even better. If they make a mistake….

That’s the point. The group never makes a mistake. It was meant to happen because a team building day mirrors real life situations. The learning takes place as we choose how to handle our reactions to these mistakes or unplanned events.

I used to get scared handling situations that pop up unplanned in a team building seminar. Truth: I almost welcome those moments now.

I used to think that there were bad apples in every group: you know, the ones who refuse to participate, the ones who blame others, the ones who are never happy, the ones who thrive on conflict and upsetting others.

These folks are part of that perfect group. In fact, they are the teachers. How would the team learn if nobody pushed our buttons? It is those folks who push our buttons from whom we learn the most.

Individuals are not perfect. Groups are.

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!

No, not that word!

I have another “F” word that will change your life. It has mine. I learned it from a 9-year old girl several years ago.

I was facilitating a team building session for an elementary school in Philadelphia, PA. There were 300 kids, teachers, parents, and administrative folks packed into a gymnasium. I lead them through several interactive, team building activities touching on trust, leadership, self-esteem, and success.

After a particularly challenging activity, one of the participants brought up the subject of failure. People joined in immediately. Everybody started talking about their failures. The topic spread like wildfire.

Suddenly, this 9-year old girl raised her hand and said, “Mister, I am not allowed to use or say the word, “failure!” The crowd hushed. The silence was scary. Everyone looked at me and I had nothing to say.

Then she proceeded to say, “I am supposed to use another “F” word instead.” My face turned red. There was not a sound in the gym. No one knew what was coming. I could see the parents and teachers squirming in their seats. She quickly added, “My mom says I am supposed to use the word, “feedback,” instead of “failure.”

WOW! We all learned something that day. Especially me.

Not a day goes by in my Team Building Seminars where I don’t use that little girl’s
F word of Feedback!

Larry Lipman
Larry Lipman is a Success Coach specializing in TEAM BUILDING!