Fun Tweets

@Oh_Hi_Im_Colin

I don't get why girls get so upset when I suggest they get a boob job I mean it's just like getting braces.

Yeah I offered you some skittles but I was being polite you can't actually have any.

I'm excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings.

hehe everyone thinks I'm reading something on my phone but really I'm trapped in the prison of my own mind

At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.

There's something so sexy about a woman who has all the physical characteristics that I was conditioned by the media to find attractive.

"Twilight" is the timeless story of a girl who must choose between ripped abs or clingy dependency.

Don't just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It's important to also watch some TV.

Just told the Starbucks at the airport that my name was Ayatollah Bombface. Lol let's see wha

*Makes typo* *Deletes tweet* *Deletes account* *Destroys computer* *Changes name* *Moves to Pakistan* *Opens a curry shop*

My superpower is understanding iPhone text typos.

I hate leaving when my phone isn't charged to 100%

I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.