“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” - Phyllis Diller

“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” - George Carlin

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” - David Bissonnette

“In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.” - Joey Adams

“A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.” - Mistinguette

“Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself — like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks. ” - Jean Kerr

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” - W.C. Fields

“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.” - Tim Allen

“A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you’ve made a serious vocational error.” - Dennis Miller

These quotes are collected by Rifat Rahn.

Number 5: Singin’ in the Rain

1948, Cole Porter penned the song “Be a Clown” for the Gene Kelly film “The Pirate”.  The lyrics ran:

Be a clown! Be a clown!
All the world loves a clown!

In 1952, Brown and Freed wrote “Make ‘em Laugh” for the Gene Kelly film “Singin’ in the Rain”. The lyrics ran:

Make em laugh! Make ‘em laugh!
Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?

The tunes are almost exactly the same. The director of “Singin’ in the Rain” declared it was a rip-off. Cole Porter, dignified and tactful, did not sue.

The memory of Cole Porter lives on as one of the greatest song-writers of all time. There will never be a copy.

Number 4: Tonight live with Steve Vizard

Back in the 1990s, Australians did not get David Letterman’s show “Late night with David Letterman.” Perhaps this is what compelled famous Australian comedian Steve Vizard to launch his show “Tonight Live with Steve Vizard”. Australians were ignorant of the fact that not only was the format the same, but Steve was doing an impersonation of David Letterman. Every move, every nuance, every running gag: he copied them straight from Letterman.

When David’s show finally got to Australia, Steve’s show was long gone, so nobody got sued. (As an Aussie myself, I still remember the shock when I watched the first episode of David Letterman. I didn’t for one second think that David Letterman was copying Steve. It was clear immediately who had copied who. I felt betrayed! From what I read, David Letterman cared less than I did – he just laughed it off.)

Number 3: George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord”

George penned the beautiful “My Sweet Lord” in 1971.  A decade earlier, the Chiffons penned “He’s So Fine”. The feeling and intention of the songs could not be more different, but the melodies and chord progressions are the same. The judge found that George did not intend to rip-off somebody else’s song, but fined him anyway, to the tune of $587 000. The court case had dragged on for ten years.  It’s all right, George – all things must pass.

Number 2: Avatar

Wonder if the original writers are feeling a bit blue?

In the 1960s , Russian writers Arkady and Boris Strugatsky wrote a science-fiction novel about a warm, lush planet called Pandora, where a-in dwell a race of humanoids called the Nave.

Fifty years later, an American director, James Cameron, released a science-fiction movie about a warm, lush planet called Pandora, where-in dwell a race of humanoids called the Na’vi.

Some cry plagiarism, others say that every sci-fi builds on what has come before. For the rest of, we like to sit back and let the 3D goodness flow.

Number 1: “Snakes on a Train” and every other movie ever made by “The Asylum”

Stop me if you've heard this before...

“Snakes on a train“? Surely you’ve heard of – oh, hold on. You’re thinking “Snakes on a plane“, right?

But everyone’s seen “The Day the Earth Stopped” – oh, wait. Isn’t it called “The Day the Earth Stood Still“?

If you’ve ever been to the DVD store, and come home with something that isn’t quite right, then you’ve probably been duped by The Asylum. The Asylum studio makes “mockbusters” – films that are oh so similar to the actual blockbuster that we, the public, rent them by mistake. The Asylum has NEVER lost money on a film, so they’re doing something right (or something very, very wrong).

Always just on the edge of being sued, The Asylum does not hide what it does, but proudly states that they are just “trying to get their films watched”. Other Asylum titles you may have picked up by mistake are: “Sunday School Musical“, “Transmorphers“, “100 Million BC“, “The Terminators” and “Street Racer“.

The Asylum is so audacious, it’s hard to get cross!

About the Author: Jerry Toga works in live theater, but has a passion for movies, music and entertainment systems. You can read his reviews of his latest favourite geeky gadget at aura bass shaker.

Some photos of extreme urban climbing taken in Russian capital, Moscow.

You won’t want to miss some of the unusual festivals happening around the globe this year. So, make sure you have your passport in tow while you take part in festivities that definitely demonstrate thinking that is outside the box. For example, don’t forget to mark your calendar for the ever-popular Cheese Rolling festival that happens each spring on the muddy, steep incline of Coopers Hill in Gloucester, England.

An Unofficial Gathering in 2010 and 2011
The traditional gathering can place its roots back to the nineteenth century although concerns for peoples’ safety resulted in the event being cancelled in 2010 and 2011. Nevertheless, the unusual festival still was held unofficially the past two years with competitors scrambling down the hill after a heavy, eight-pound circle of cheese. If the event this year is not officially announced, then, no doubt, an unofficial competition will still be held on June 4, 2012.

A Number of Casualties
Indeed, the event is challenging, what with the muddiness and perpendicular nature of the hill. Again, safety has been an issue in the past and, no doubt, is still a concern as participants have been treated for fractures, scratches, bruises, and broken bones. Even a bystander was hurt one year by a wayward disc of cheese. Yet, for those intrepid competitors who make it down the hill, they are rewarded for their efforts with international acclaim and, yes, a double Gloucester cheese.

La Tomatina – The Town of Brunol in Valencia, Spain

Another unusual festival that is quite the featured event is La Tomatina in the town of Brunol in the Spanish state of Valencia. This celebration or, more appropriately, melee, which was believed by some to have begun as the result of anti-Franco protest demonstrations in the mid-40s, is basically one colossal food fight. Others support the theory that the tomato brouhaha came about when unhappy residents pelted city councilmen with tomatoes during a Brunol celebration. Regardless of how it originated, La Tomatina is one messy celebration. However, some rules have been established nonetheless.

Some Guidelines for the Event

For example, participants who take part in the festival cannot throw tomatoes unless the tomatoes have been mashed or quashed first. Also, tomatoes are the only projectiles that participants are permitted to hurl.  So, if you want to attend the event, set your sights for the last Wednesday in August this year and don’t be too concerned about what you wear.

The Boryeong Mud Festival – Boryeong, South Korea

If you don’t mind being doused with squashed tomatoes, you may take it a step further by attending the Boryeong Mud Festival in Boryeong, South Korea. This annual festival attracts well over a million visitors a year. The festival, which takes place in July, features mud wrestling, mud swimming, mud sliding, and mud painting, and is highlighted with fireworks and musical entertainment in the area of Daecheon Beach.

The Monkey Buffet Festival – Lopburi, Thailand

The Monkey Buffet Festival is yet another festive celebration that isn’t to be missed. Approximately 600 primates converge in Lopburi, Thailand where they consume, if not demolish, tons of ice cream, sausage off the grill, and other fare. The local residents host the event for the monkeys in their appreciation for the simians’ influence on the lucrative tourist trade in that part of the country. The event this year will fall on the 25th of November.

The World Bog Snorkeling Championships

While not exactly a festival, the World Bog Snorkeling Championships is still an unusual and grand sporting event that one cannot miss. The event, which draws more than one hundred competitors annually, is held in Llanwrtyd Wells, Wales. This year the bog snorkeling championships will include triathlon activities with a 12-mile run cross-country followed by snorkeling through a 60-yard bog trench and riding 25 miles on a mountain bike.

Or, you may choose to forego the terrestrial route by competing in the mountain bike bog snorkeling championship, taking a mountain bike underwater and pedaling two lengths through a 45-yard, six-foot deep trench. The mountain bikes for this event have been specially made, sporting premium bog-equipped tires filled with water and lead.

This is a guest post by Dan Ripoll. Dan is the founder and CEO of Passports Without The Stress, an expediter of US passports. The company assists busy travelers with same day passports in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and a host of other cities around the country.

When attending a live sporting event it’s always best to look in the mirror first. Clearly these fans either did not look in the mirror or were going for full on crazy.

These are pictures of real people who made the bizarre choice to have a company brand tattooed on their skin.