Below are some tips and guidelines to help parents raise children of good character:

Make parenting your top priority. This is easier said than done for we are living in a fast paced world. This is hard to do as there are so many competing demands such as work, peers, and even relationship issues. But as a good parent you must learn to plan, organize and devote time to parenting. As parents, you must keep in mind that developing your children’s character is your top priority.

Establish and set rules. Consistency is the key. The rules that you set must not vary from day to day nor should they be enforced intermittently. Such practice will only confuse your child and any misbehavior is your fault and not his. If both parents are raising the child then they have to use the same set of rules. Also, make sure that babysitters, older siblings and relatives are aware and follow the rules that you set. Keep in mind that the rules that your child learned from you will help him establish the rules that he will set for himself later in life.

Cherish your children. Consider them as your most prized possession. There are thousands of couples out there who would be more than willing to trade places with you in a hearbeat! There are couples who are willing to do anything and everything to have a child. The mere fact that you have one is a blessing in itself. Everyday strive to make it a point to tell your children how much you love them and how special they are. Give lots of hugs and kisses.

Be a good example. As parents you must be good role models to your children. Human beings learn primarily through modeling. What your child sees in you, whether good or bad would definitely have an impact on his behavior and character. Being a good role model is probably your most important duty as a parent.

Treat your child with respect. Good parenting is based on mutual respect. Do unto your child what you want your child to do unto you. The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him with utmost respect. Treat him kindly, speak to him politely and lsiten to what he has to say. Your relationship with your child would be the foundation of his relationship with others.

Spend quality time with your children. Most parents have busy schedules because of the rigors of their jobs. This however should not be an excuse to find time for your children. Do simple things together such as reading, playing, cleaning the house and more importantly praying! Another thing to consider is to make a big deal out of the family meal. Take advantage of this time to talk to your children and listen to what they have to say.

Avoid harsh discipline. Punishment has a bad reputation, and the worst form is physical punishment. The result would be guilt-ridden parents and badly misbehaving children. Studies show that children who are spanked, hit or slapped are more prone to pick fights with other children. They are more likely to become bullies and settle disputes with others through aggression. Always keep in mind that the more your authority is based on wisdom rather than on power, the less likely your children will challenge them. Children must have a concrete understanding of what punishment is for and that its source is parental love.

As parents we want to give our children some level of autonomy and let them be the architects of their own personality while accepting the responsibility of providing an environment that fosters honesty, generosity and compassion to others. Parenting is indeed difficult and stressful but it is also quite fulfilling and rewarding as you watch your children grow as well rounded individuals.

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Sometimes young athletes put themselves in situations where they say, “If I don’t make it today, I have no chance of ever reaching my goals.” That’s not true and it’s up to parents and coaches to deliver that message strongly and consistently.Getting cut and having to rebound from disappointment is part of what some great athletes have had to deal with.

When I was cutting players from the national teams, it wasn’t because they were bad players. In fact, they were often very good players. I frequently had to make choices because I felt there were two or three players who were better for a particular position or role on the team. Coaches have to make decisions and players and parents have to understand that putting together a team is a game of numbers, of roles, of needs and responsibilities.

When someone doesn’t make the squad, initially they feel hurt or even angry. It’s regrettable, but understandable. Some players who are cut will use it as a source of motivation for continued practice to get good enough to eventually be on that team. Others will shy away from further evaluation and tryouts because it was such a belittling and scary experience for them.

What I’d like to stress is that being cut from a team is not the end of the world, and it’s not, although it may seem like it at the time, a personal attack. If parents can somehow make their children understand this fact, then it will allow them to move forward – and maybe next time they will make the team. As tough as it may be for a coach to cut a player from the team, it’s a lot tougher on that player and her parents. There’s no getting around the embarrassment, the emptiness, the rejection.

The best thing I can suggest to parents is to offer unwavering love and unconditional support. It may seem like it to your child, but the world hasn’t ended and it’s up to the parents to keep the sport experience in proper perspective.If parents get upset, it will be projected onto the child, only making matters worse.

What isn’t constructive is making excuses for your child by saying it was a political decision or that the coach made a poor decision (which might even be the case). If you make excuses, you’re only teaching your child to deflect responsibility and discount the value of merit.What you have to remember is that for the most part, coaches really do try to get it right. If there are 20 players on a team, odds are that practically every coach will agree on the first 10 players for the team. And most coaches will agree that the next five should be on the team. But probably more coaches will disagree on the last five players chosen.

Coaches have an image of what they want their team to be, and they’re looking for players who can help them attain that image.As a parent, you must show love and support for your child, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into judging and criticizing the coach’s decision. If you do, everyone’s a loser.

(Tony DiCicco has coached all ages but is best known for guiding the U.S. women to the 1996 Olympic Gold Medal, the 1999 Women's World Cup title and the 2008 U-20 World Cup crown. DiCicco, the founder and director of SoccerPlus Camps, coached the WPS’s Boston Breakers in 2009-11.) (Excerpted from "Catch Them Being Good: Everything You Need to Know to Successfully Coach Girls" by Tony DiCicco, Colleen Hacker & Charles Salzberg courtesy of Penguin Books.)
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A person certainly won’t get rich coaching youth sports. In fact, often a youth coach will lose money over the course of a season. Every coach I know spends his own money to pay for extra equipment and materials. Most of the coaches I know spend additional money on books and clinics in order to expand their knowledge. More than one coach I know has paid the registration fee for a boy whose parents were having financial difficulties. These coaches didn’t open their wallets because the boy was a superstar, (although I have also witnessed performance purchasing). Rather, the coach paid the fee because the boy wanted to play.

The truth is that coaching can often seem like one big headache after another. A coach must contend with equipment shortages, limited practice time, and bizarre and negative interactions with parents. Buy a youth coach a beer and let him regale you with tales of parents gone wild. Every coach has at least one such story. And success doesn’t guarantee that parents will behave as if they have some sense. In some instances winning actually makes them behave worse. I had two parents threaten me with violence because during a game I told their son to hustle. Our team was undefeated!

According to The Center for Kids First, each year 40-50 million children participate in youth sports. The vast majority of those children–85%–are coached by a father of one of the children on the team. Youth coaches spend an average of 11 hours per week with their young charges. That’s a lot of children, and a lot of fathers who volunteer a lot of time.

Put another way, millions of parents place the physical and emotional well-being of their children into the hands of a small number of men, most of whom are married and have children of their own.And much is expected from these mostly untrained volunteers. Youth coaches are asked to be teachers, strategists, babysitters, nurses, and social workers.Parents enroll their children in youth sports in hope that their children will learn physical skills that will allow them to stay active throughout their lives, that they will develop a sense of belonging, and that it will promote their moral development. In other words: Sports build character. But this vaunted character that comes from participation in organized sports does not happen by magic; picking up a ball does not automatically strengthen a child’s moral fiber. Character must be taught. And to whom does the duty fall? The youth coach.

And when there is dysfunction in a child’s home the problems tend to follow the players onto the field. When the parents are experiencing marital difficulties, when there is alcoholism or abuse, or when the family dog dies, these volunteers are still expected to persevere. With no professional training–and even less warning–youth coaches must navigate the emotional waters, continue to teach, and win on Saturday!
But, I do love it. I love seeing the eagerness in the boys’ eyes; I love hearing their young laughter; I enjoy watching the passion with which they play. I love witnessing their growth and maturation over the course of a season. And I love knowing that in some small way the work I do may contribute to their life-long love of the game of football.

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I walked away incredibly impressed. With one significant exception, the parents and helpers at the session seemed completely dedicated to one thing – the enjoyment of the game. I was issued with a code of conduct that explained the desire to install a love of football into the hearts of influential youngsters and that winning wasn’t the ‘be all and end all’ of providing organised football for a six year old child. Fairly soon, I was encouraged to help out and eventually had the privilege of running an under 7’s team made up of boys and girls who wanted to experience the game at a team level. We worked on a principle of trying to provide organized football for as many children as possible and boasted a squad of over 35 players with varying abilities who all got a game on a Sunday morning. I loved every moment of running that side and managed to build lasting friendships with a group of eager young players who continue to stop me in the street for a quick chat about their progress to the present day. Unfortunately, work commitments saw me move away for several years and I passed on the mantle of team manager to another parent who continued to look after the bulk of these young players until they turned 16.

A few years later, I arrived back home and managed to find another side to coach at Under 13’s level. We started from scratch and took on boys that, in all honesty, didn’t have the ability to earn regular places in teams that were already focused on winning titles, tournaments and cup competitions. We still had a great laugh in that first season even though we were getting hammered most weekends, and it was fantastic to see the steady improvement in several of the kids who’d never played at a competitive level before. The following season, a new batch of boys turned up to pre-season training and the standard rose a little. We eased the new boys into the side but continued to give every registered player as much playing time as possible. Although results improved, we still lost the majority of our games. It didn’t matter. We were still having fun.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realise that a few of the new parents on the sidelines didn’t quite understand what we were trying to achieve and eventually we had a cluster of parents at every game who felt obliged to shout a variety of different instructions to a gaggle of confused children above the voice of a manager who had completely different ideas on what junior football should be about. I survived several heated arguments, one poorly-aimed bottle of isotonic drink and a weekly diet of shaking heads. By the end of the season, I’d already decided to move on and the club eventually appointed a friend of the resistant parents as my replacement. Strangely enough, it was the same gentleman who had been the significant exception at a meaningless fun session many years before. The new manager managed to finish 3rd in the table the following season, but the team of kids that I’d nurtured had already been ripped apart by this stage and had been replaced with local lads that arrived with good footballing reputations. Because of their lack of natural ability, many of my old charges didn’t find another team to play for.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the pressures of megalomaniac parents ease willing volunteers out of the game but they tend to have a tendency to shout louder than most people. Worse still, they take away a source of pleasure from willing children who simply want to go about their business and enjoy themselves. Coaching kids is a labour of love and it still seems that most adults involved in the junior game consider themselves to be a few steps ahead of managerial greats such as Ferguson, Mourinho and Benitez. Kids don’t have much time to enjoy football from a playing perspective anymore. The pressures heaped upon them to win at all costs from a very early age are still very much in force. The FA has done much to make the right noises about participation being the most important aspect of the junior game, but you get the impression that they rarely venture towards park pitches on a Sunday morning to see the continued howling of blood-thirsty parents who won’t take second-best as an option.

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Youth and school sports rely on volunteer coaches that are in most cases parents of a participating player. A parent volunteer is most apt to participate if one of their own children are playing – giving that parent the opportunity to be involved in an activity with their child while also being able to watch their child participate.

A major challenge with being a parent coach is balancing the responsibilities of wearing the hat of a coach during a practice or game, and then taking that hat off and replacing it with the hat of a parent for their own child.  Here are some important tips to consider when coaching your own children in sports-

Keep the focus on the process – the two most important reasons that parents should encourage their children to participate in sports at the recreational, youth and school levels are to have fun and to learn valuable life lessons.

Whether the parent coach has a practical level of experience as either a player or a coach, it is important to keep a perspective of why they had enjoyed playing that sport when they were their child’s age. Keeping the game fun and fostering a level of enthusiasm for the sport is a lot more important than learning how to dribble or to shoot. The more enthusiastic your child and their teammates are about the game, the more apt they are to retain coaching points and to improve. Also, the child of the parent coach wants to enjoy the time they have with their parent – creating an environment that is not enjoyable on the playing field could potentially transfer over to their setting at home, too.

I feel strongly that sports offer an experience and lessons that transcend what happens between the lines of a ball field, and that it is a coach’s responsibility to make sure that their players learn those valuable lessons that they can apply to life after sport. That’s probably the coach’s primary role – even more than winning games. As a parent coach, you should take pride in teaching your own child and their teammates lessons about teamwork, discipline, working with others, and dealing with adversity. No one will win at everything they do, and no one gets to be ‘the star’ all the time – sharing these lessons with your own child and their teammates can potentially expand and enrich your own relationship with your child.

Be equitable – when a parent takes on the responsibility of coaching their own child, it is a natural reaction for other parents to question the equity within the team: does the coach’s child get preferential treatment? The best way to provide an environment of equity is for the parent coach to treat their own child as they would any of the other members of that team. Playing their child less or more than other players on the team doesn’t prove a level of equity. The best parent coaches hold their own child as accountable as any of the other players on the team, and rewards or penalizes their child in the same fashion.

‘Players worry less about how much you know, and more about how much you care’ – I was told that saying when I first got involved in coaching years ago, and it applies as much with coaching your own children as anywhere else in sports. Make sure that your own children know that the primary reason you are a parent coach is to spend more time with them, and that winning and losing are secondary items.

Be honest with your own intentions – if a parent is coaching their own child, it should be for the reasons that I previously mentioned. There is nothing wrong with aspiring to win games or championships, but that should not be the primary focus. Parent/child relationships in sports most commonly get fractured when a parent coach is more motivated to participate than their own child. It is important for the parent coach and their own child to make sure that they share the same desires and motivation to participate. If there is a common goal, both parent coach and player will be put in the best possible position to succeed.

Perception is reality – as a parent coach or a spectator, whether you realize it or not, your own children are taking inventory of you. They are measuring the level of support you provide for them; the forms of feedback you give them before, during or after the game; how you carry yourself and represent them while you are attending their game. Ask your child how they perceive your behavior on game day, and ask them how they want you to represent them during their game. I have heard youth players comment about how embarrassed they were about their parent’s behavior – be it as a spectator or as a coach – and these are the kind of things that can fracture a relationship at home as well.

I have had the opportunity to serve as both a coach and spectator for my own children at different times, and both can be rewarding when the primary focus is to provide support and encouragement. Nothing is more rewarding than getting to share in your own children’s interests, and when structured properly, to be able to participate in those events with them as well.

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1. Speaks honestly in the pre-season. Kids do not want coaches to make false promises of playing time or of how they are needed, or tickle their ears with words like “You will be a leader on the team”—and then not follow through. Coaches should be up front with players about their role on the team. As a high school softball coach, my husband has had many honest talks with girls before the season about their role on the team. If they will have a back-up role, he tells them so. They may not like what he says, but at least they know exactly where they stand.

2. Keeps consistent with the rules. Moms, dads, and players want a coach who makes all players—yes, even the team star—abide by the same rules. If the team rule is that two fouls in the first half puts you on the bench, then a coach should not bend those rules just because she desperately needs that player on the court. What kind of message does it send if we let an athlete think that they are above the rules?

3. Clearly communicates to parents. Parents like printed practice, game, and team meal schedules. They like having a team parent who reminds them to work the snack bar. They like a coach who plans ahead and then lets parents know the plans. As parents, we’ve got a lot to remember and when coaches take the time to clearly communicate, it lessens the conflicts and confusion in our homes.

4. Clearly communicates to players. I love it when I see a coach who, when he pulls a player out of the game, take a few seconds to coach him. Kids need to know what they did wrong and what they did right. How else will they improve? Trouble is, many coaches will not take the time to do this during the game. They pull a kid, then keep them guessing as to what they did wrong. Frustrating.

5. Pushes and challenges players. My kids’ favorite coaches were ones who challenged them and pushed them to be better players. Neither parent nor child wants a coach who acts as a babysitter and does not help them improve their performance. As a football and softball coach, my husband says that if an athlete does not leave his team as a better person and player, he has not done his job as a coach. Bill McCartney, former coach of the Colorado Buffaloes says it this way: “All coaching is, is taking a player where he can’t take himself.”

6. Treats players fairly. There’s nothing more frustrating than a coach who pulls a kid out of the game for one mistake, while leaving another player in the game who commits the very same mistake over and over. As parents, we don’t ask for special treatment for our kids, we ask for fair treatment.

7. Encourages players. Personally, I don’t mind a coach who chews on my kid, as long he balances it out with encouragement.

8. Enjoys the kids. A coach who enjoys kids—not just coaching or not just the sport—will have a greater impact on those kids’ lives. Why? Because kids will seek him out. They will be drawn to him, feel comfortable with him, and never feel like they are bothering him. My husband is one of the best examples of this that I know. He has always loved high school kids. And the kids know it. They never hesitate to come up and talk; in fact, they often seek him out. Because he taught them how to swing a bat? Or block on the line? Maybe. But more likely because they know he likes them.

9. Models positive traits. Parents like to know their kids are in good hands, that they are spending time with people who exhibit good morals, a caring attitude, integrity, and authenticity. Are we expecting too much from our kids’ coaches? After all, they are parents and teachers and construction workers and lawyers and doctors and grocery clerks—just like us.

Exactly.

I ask nothing more from my kid’s coach than I ask of myself. As a coach’s wife for 27 years and a sports parent for 17, Janis sees life from both sides of the bench.

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Question 1: Can you sit through an entire soccer game silently? Yes - 0 points, No - 1 point

Do you watch your child's soccer game like it's the World Cup?

Try this experiment at your child's next game. See if you can sit through the entire game without saying a word.

Question 2: Have you ever yelled at a referee? Yes - 2 points, No - 0 points

Some parents think they know more than referees. They constantly disagree and yell at them. Keep in mind that referees are trained to know the rules.

Question 3: Have you ever yelled at your child? Yes - 3 points, No - 0 points

Soccer is a game. Yelling at your child during a game is unacceptable. Do you yell at your child when their playing a board game at home? Stop ruining the game for them.

Question 4: Have you ever yelled at another player? Yes - 3 points, No - 0 points

Some parents get so involved in a soccer game that they yell at other players. I have seen this happen even at the preschool age. You can imagine what a preschooler feels when a random adult yells at them.

Question 5: Have you ever yelled at another parent? Yes - 2 points, No - 0 points

I have witnessed many games where parents yell at each other during a game. Sometimes confrontations occur. This is not how adults should be acting at a youth soccer game. This is not the example parents should be setting.

Question 6: Have you ever confronted a coach? Yes - 2 points, No - 0 points

Have you ever had an argument or confrontation with your coach or an opposing coach? Do you think you know more than they do? Most coaches are parents who volunteer their time to teach kids. They also receive training on the rules and how to effectively train kids in soccer. Let the coaches do their job.

Question 7: Have you ever been asked to leave the field? Yes - 3 points, No - 0 points

If you have ever been ejected from a youth soccer game, you need to rethink your behavior. You are embarrassing not only yourself, but also your child.

Question 8: Do you think the result of a youth soccer game is important? Yes - 1 point, No - 0 Points

We all know that the point of soccer is to win the game. But there really is more to it than winning. Every game has a winner and loser. Don't forget that valuable lessons can be learned even from a loss.

Question 9: Have you played for more than one travel soccer team? Yes - 1 point, No - 0 points

I have seen players move from team to team, trying to find the right fit. Frequently, it is the parents who think they're doing the right thing by moving. Some parents think they know more than the coach, so they leave. As a coach, I see a red flag when a player/parent can't seem to fit in anywhere.

Question 10: Has a referee stopped a game to warn you to be quiet? Yes - 2 points, No - 0 points

If a referee is warning you to be quiet, your behavior is unacceptable. You are just a spectator. Don't engage the referee. Just watch the game.

What kind of parent are you? Total up your points and check your score below.

Moderately involved (0 - 4 points) - Congratulations! There is hope for you. Tweak your behavior a little bit and your child will have the best soccer experience.

Borderline (5 - 10 points) - You have some work to do. Recognize your faults on the field and correct them now.

Crazy (11 - 15 points) - You have already exhibited unacceptable behavior. You have turned a positive sport into a negative experience for your child.
Lunatic (16 - 20 points) - You need help. Your behavior is clearly unacceptable and you may not even realize it. You are missing the point about youth sports. Unless you change your attitude and behavior, you will continue to ruin their childhood experiences.

Edwin Torres has been coaching youth soccer since 2001. He is currently the head coach of two travel soccer teams in Freehold, NJ. He holds a category "F" license for coaching in the New Jersey State Youth Soccer Association. He was a certified USSF Grade 8 referee in 2004. Edwin is also certified as a Double-Goal coach through the Positive Coaching Alliance.

…."Life is a journey, not a destination." Ralph Waldo Emerson

These wise words apply to many aspects of life, including youth soccer. Soccer is a long journey for children in the United States. Focusing too much on the destination will lead to regrets and lost time. There are many reasons why you should focus on soccer as a journey, not as a destination.  Let kids enjoy soccer and their childhood.

 Let your child enjoy soccer and childhood. Youth soccer starts at a young age. In my town, recreation soccer starts at age five. Travel soccer starts at age seven and continues through high school. The older kids get, the more time they spend on the soccer field. High school soccer players practice and play games six days a week. As you can see, soccer takes up a large part of childhood. That's why it's so important to make soccer enjoyable for them. If not, they will look back on their childhood with regrets. That's something no parent wants.

Have realistic expectations for your child. I looked at a 2001 team photo of the first soccer team I ever coached. The kids were just five years old. There were twelve players on the team. Only three of them are still playing soccer. When kids are young, they are still figuring out if soccer is for them. Let them discover the game and enjoy it. It may turn out that they don't enjoy the game as much as you want them too. Even if they continue to play soccer through high school, don't expect it to continue in college. Less than 6% of high school senior boys who play soccer for their school go on to play in college. That equates to about one or two players on the high school varsity team.

Remember the valuable life lessons soccer can teach. There are many lessons to be learned during this long soccer journey. Players learn about commitment and discipline. They learn that achievements only come after hard work. They develop relationships with other players, coaches and trainers. They learn time management skills; juggling soccer, schoolwork and a social life is no small task. Don't underestimate the importance of these lessons. These teachings will help with not only soccer but also life.

If all you want from soccer is a college scholarship for your child, you are setting yourself up for failure. Chances are your child won't even play in college. Remember that there's more to soccer than reaching the highest levels. Let them enjoy their childhood. Give them a chance to develop a love for the game. Allow them to learn valuable life lessons. This is what you want from soccer. If they make it to the college level, great! If not, they still had the journey of their lives.

Edwin Torres has been coaching youth soccer since 2001. He is currently the head coach of two travel soccer teams in Freehold, NJ. He holds a category "F" license for coaching in the New Jersey State Youth Soccer Association. He was a certified USSF Grade 8 referee in 2004. Edwin is also certified as a Double-Goal coach through the Positive Coaching Alliance.

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Officials properly playing advantage do a terrific job of letting the game flow, increasing the enjoyment of the game for everyone. Generally, the better the skill level, the more opportunities you will have to play the advantage.

To properly maintain game control, give the proper signal of arms outstretched and yell “Play on!” Also, later try to tell the fouled player, “I saw the hold but did not call it as your team had the advantage” and the player who fouled, “No more holding. I did not call your foul as the other team had the advantage.” When you briefly speak to the players later, most of them are very receptive.

When should the officials play the advantage and when should a foul be called? Use these guidelines to help you:

A foul by the attacking team inside the defensive team’s penalty area. The ball is so far from the other goal that there is little rationale for playing advantage here. The defensive team would probably much rather have the free kick and get their team in position to receive it upfield.

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