Comfort.

I use to say this word meant blankets, cozy pajamas and cold nights with hot chocolate.

Then I got married.

It then changed to slowly dancing in the dark, date nights at home and lovely embraces.

Then I became a mother.

Now comfort has taken on an entirely new meaning.

It’s squeeze hugs and sloppy kisses, it’s coffee and snuggling my littles under a blanket, it’s beating my husband in a game of battleship, it’s long weekends outside with dirt and bikes.

Comfort is so much more than I could ever imagine.  I not only describes how I feel, but who I am.

I am now comfortable with who I am, where I am in life, and who I’m with.  My life is complete.

It’s amazing that one word could describe it so well.

* I’m linking up with Lisa Jo.

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Leigh

writer/author at Funky Faith Girl

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The post Comfort, What it means to me. (5 Minute Friday) appeared first on Funky Faith Girl.

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I’m suffocating.
My throat is closing up.
I can feel my skin tightening, my head is pounding.
I can feel the walls coming closer.
They’re closing in.
The voices get louder and louder.
They consume my head.
My head feels heavy, like it might explode at any moment.
I’m hot and can feel the blood boiling inside of me.

“I take a deep breathe but there is no air left inside me.

I’m now breathless, trying to grasp at some air.

I now feel the weight on my shoulders.”

It’s unmanageable.

I have to get out. I have to run.
I try to run but there’s no escape.
It surrounds me. Encases me and consumes me.
Wait-I see a door.
I run, as fast as I can, and slam the door behind me.

I’m alone. Finally.
The voices are finally faint.
I can hear silence.
My mind welcomes it and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I collapse onto my bed and realize that I never made it that morning.
I don’t care and I roll up in the covers as if to escape to a far away paradise.
One where all I hear is the waves crashing.
I feel the soft sand as I squish my half painted toes through it.

The warm sun feels quenching to my pale skin.
I breathe in.  And out.
In….and out.
The waves are soft and soothing as their crashing on the sand lulls me to sleep.

BOOM.

I’m suddenly shaking. I wake up to a loud crash and  I realize I’m back in bed. Oh that darn reality. I open the closed door that just saved me not too long ago. I walk in to a war zone.
I’m ducking flying objects and hear crying children.
My 8 year old son has put his sisters princess tea set plates on the ceiling fan.
He’s now proceeded to turn the same fan on.
After turning off the currently used weapon I tend to the wounded.
I discipline the armed boy.
My soul had been temporarily restored by that beach so I’m able to be back in the role of mom.
I step back from the destruction-take a deep breath…..and realize that my children are crazy. They hardly ever stop arguing, they constantly interrupt me, they laugh at my big butt, and they sometimes forget their manners.
Then i rub my eyes and then my temples.
I’m starting to feel the pain start to swallow my head.
I grab an ICEPACK and some Motrin. I sit down and look at my children as their plopped down watching Dora.

“They may be a little crazy, but they’re also creative, adventurous and imaginative.

That’s what I try to look for.
Those are the words that build up and not tear down.
Those are the words I use.”

My depression, my anxiety- it didn’t control me today. One more check off my list. It’s a huge feat- and I’m taking it one day at a time.  One step at a time, with Gods hand in mine.

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Leigh

writer/author at Funky Faith Girl

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The post A Day in the life of THIS Bipolar Mom. appeared first on Funky Faith Girl.

This week I’m saying Hello to so many things! I had a pretty great and MUCH needed week off last week. Sorry about that…I didn’t mean to be MIA. It just happened. But I’m back and ready to rock n roll.

Hello Monday! My husband go to go with my daughter on her first field trip last week to a wildlife museum. It was like a mini date and they both had a great time!

Hello Monday to warm weather again and and nice cool drinks!  I was having a rough mommy weekend and needed a “mini vacay” at walmart followed by an indulgent Starbucks Frappachino.  It was super yum…one of their new summer flavors.

Hello to new decor!!! I’m rearranging my large living room area and finally putting in a desk/table.  Therefore I feel the need to freshen up some decor.  Trying to get outside the lines of my perfectionist painting techniques, I started a painting last fall.  I was bored with it already and taking some inspiration from Nester, I decided to just paint over it with some more airy colors that inspire me!  TA DA!!!  Tell me what you think…….I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing more of these!  Painting is my true love.

(I’ll obviously be making a post in itself about the before and after of this painting!)….coming soon.

Hello to more Iced summer drinks!!  I took the Pioneer Womans Iced Coffee recipe and tweeked it.  Since I was using Starbucks Iced coffee beans, it’s already made to be stronger.  So I ended up making it super strong. Whoops.  I just add extra milk or water. Next time I think I’ll just use espresso beans.  YUMMO! I’ll be making this all summer!

I’m also saying Hello, to HelloMornings.  I signed up to be an AC (accountability captain), mostly to encourage other women and Especially to keep myself even more accountable to Him and to what he’s called me to do.

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Leigh

writer/author at Funky Faith Girl

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