Funny Animal JOKES - Free Jokes Videos Pictures of Hilarious Animals and Pets

Funny Xmas Jokes and Funny Santa Cat Picture

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 22:48:00 +0000

Xmas Jokes that are Funny!

What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
A palm tree.
Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop? It blew away.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is a alight?
Crisp Kringle
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Xmas.'

A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Xmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.

'What's the matter, Al?' I asked.

'Ummmm', replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Xmas'.

Picture of a Cat Dressed up in a Santa Claus Suit.
FUNNY!

Cute Santa Cat Picture!

Funny Shark Jokes and Hilarious Carpet Shark Picture

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 04:10:00 +0000

Funny Shark Jokes Funny Picture!

knock knock
who's there
I'm a shark
a shark who?
I'm a shark who eaten all your friends and now i'm gonna eat you up
Question: What is a sharks most favorite science-fiction television show
Answer: Shark Trekk
Question: What is a shark's most favorite bible stories
Answer: Noahs SHARK
Question: Why did the shark cross the ocean?
Answer: to get to the other TIDE
Question: what was the sharks favorite funniest jokes website
Answer: Dorsal Jokes
Question: What did the baby shark want for Christmas?
Answer: Not a thing! Christmas is not celebrated by sharks!

Funny Carpet Shark Picture!

Funny Mice Jokes and Cute Mouse Picture

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:48:00 +0000

Funny Mice Jokes

Why do mice have long tails ? Well, they d look silly with long hair !

How do you save a drowning mouse ? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

What’s a mouse’s least favorite record ? What’s up Pussycat !

What do rodents say when they play bingo ? Eyes down for a full mouse !

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer ? Mice cubes !

What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see ? Three blind mice !

Is there a mouse in the house ? No, but there’s a moose on the loose !

What are crisp, like milk and go eek, eek, eek when you eat them ? Mice Krispies !

When should a mouse carry an umbrella ? When it’s raining cats and dogs !

Mission Impossible Mouse
Funny Mouse Picture LOL!

Funny High Cats Image and Silly Cat Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:08:00 +0000

Silly Cat Jokes and Hilarious Picture of High Cats!

What does a cat call a bowl of mice? A purrfect meal!

What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.

What drinks milk, meows, and has eight legs? An octo-puss!

What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool? She had mittens!

What happens when two cats want the same dish of food? They get into a phsssssst fight!

What is a cat's favorite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."

What is a cat's favorite song? Three Blind Mice

Drugged up Cats? Meow!
Must belong to Cheech and Chong LOL!

Funny Dogs and Light Bulbs Joke and Cute Pic!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 22:01:00 +0000

Funny Dogs and Light Bulbs Jokee!!

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

More funny pictures, hilarious videos,web clips,

gifs, animations, jokes, status updates, and more at

World's Funniest Pictures

Show me Where the Bullies Are!

Funniest Animal Jokes on the Planet and Hilarious Skateboarding Kitten Video!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 02:32:00 +0000

Short Funny Animal Jokes of the World!

What happened when the lion ate a clown? – He felt funny.

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.

If the Rhino be s*xual, because rhinos in danger?

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? – Why have big fingers.

What do sheep count when they can not get to sleep?

What happens if it rains cats and dogs? Take a step in a poodle!

Why the poor dog chase his tail? He’s trying to make ends meet!

Diplomacy is saying “nice dog” until such time as you can find a rock.

Why no food to mouse-flavored cat? There is fish flavored!

More funny pictures, hilarious videos, lol jokes, cartoons, riddles, poems, statuses, etc. at the following sites!

World's Funniest Jokes Ever

Funny Skateboarding Kitten Video!

Funny Bird Picture and Hilarious Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 15:51:00 +0000

Funny Bird Jokes and Humor

A duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk says, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill!"

I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion.

Question: Why do hummingbirds hum? Answer: Because they don't know the words.

Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To prove to the Opossum that it could be done!

What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Shredded Tweet!

Why do birds fly south? Because it is too far to walk!

Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? A: I'll tell you tomorrow!

What is a bird after he is five days old? Six days old

More funny pictures, hilarious videos, and the funniest jokes at World's Funniest Jokes Ever!

Mr. Bean as a Baby - Funny Mr. Bean Joke!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 18:41:00 +0000

Hilarious Mr. Bean Jokes!

BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

Marriage:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

More hilarious jkes and funny pictures at Worlds Funniest Jokes Ever!

Funny Redneck Cat Picture and Hilarious Cat Joke!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:53:00 +0000

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.

Find lots of funny jokes and extreme hilarious pictures at Newfie Jokes and da' Funniest Pictures!

Funny Dog/Puppy Pictures and Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:33:00 +0000

What kind of dog can use the phone?

A Dail-Matian

Which dog is very obedient?

a Sit Bull Terrier

What kind of dog would you find in a cave?
a Bat Terrier

What do you get when you cross a small dog and a large boat?
a Ship Tzu

What did the hungry Dalmatian say after his meal?
"That hit the spots!"

What dog will laugh at any joke?
A chi-ha-ha

More funny jokes at Funniest Jokes Ever

Funny Chicken Crossing Road Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 16:59:00 +0000

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!

More funny jokes at Funniest Jokes Ever

Crocodile in a Bar - Funny Animal Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:54:00 +0000

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The barman goes, "You can't bring that animal in here!" But the guy goes, "Hey, he does tricks. Watch!" He taps on the crocodile's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile's head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his p*nis out, and he goes, "I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that." Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, "I... I think I can do that. But I don't think I can leave my mouth open that long!"

Some FUNNY Animal Names

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:54:00 +0000

aye-aye - small nocturnal primate
orangutan -primate
wombat - australian marsupial
platypus - mammal
bulbul - bird
kookabura - australian bird
horny toad - amphibian
dik-dik - small antelope
cuscus - marsupial
warthog - wild pig
goatsucker - bird
google-eyed bass - fish
yellow-bellied sapsucker -bird
dodo bird
pig-nosed turtle -reptile
slimy salamander - amphibian

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Funny Fish Short One-Liner Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:43:00 +0000

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?

Finland.

Why do they call him 'Fish' ?

Because he cannot keep his mouth shut.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus ?

I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

What is the best fish on ice ?

A skate.

Where do ghosts swim in North America ?

In Lake Erie.

What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha fish infested waters ?

It came back with a skeleton crew.

What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse ?

The Codfather

MORE Funny Short Clean Jokes! LOL!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 13:09:00 +0000

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

The Centipede - Funny Animal Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 02:08:00 +0000

Funny Animal Joke

A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset. His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes. Bought things from the shop. The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet. Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around. "We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out. "Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks. The centipede got to work straight away. "Go and run a bath for me". The centipede did as asked once again. The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please" The centipede does this. An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"

Funny Animal JOKES!!! LOL!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:26:00 +0000

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time.
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"

Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!

Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.

BEST Hilarious Short HOLLOWEEN Jokes!! LOL!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:50:00 +0000

How can you tell vampires like BASEBALL?
They turn into BATS every night!

What do witches put on their hair?
SCARE spray!

Why aren’t ghosts arrested?
It's hard to PIN anything on them!

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have BAT breath!

What did the cannibal eat at the
"All You Can Eat" buffet?
Two waitresses and a busboy!

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have a beer and a MOP!

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A real PAIN in the neck!

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no BODY to dance with!

Why did the Game Warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a HAUNTING license!

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so WRAPPED up in themselves!

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Funny Ballerina Dancing Cat in a Tu-Tu Picture!!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:07:00 +0000

Funny Ballerina Dancimg Kitty Cat! LOL

This ballerina dancing cat is so funny! Ha Ha HA!! Share the picture if you like!!

Funny Dog and Cat Pictures With Captions!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 15:45:00 +0000

Funny dog and cat pictures with funny captions!

Ground too Cold!
Levitation Powers Activate!

What Dog?
I Seez Only Pillows!

Cow's Mother-in-Law - Funny Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:51:00 +0000

Asmall farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly continued his milking.
To everyones astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy, turned around and walked away . Werent you afraid? one of the workers asked the boy.
Not at all, the boy replied , I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.

Ducks in Heaven - Funny Duck Joke!!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 12:07:00 +0000

Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks."

They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular.

St Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Generous Lawyer - Funny Joke LOL

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 02:18:00 +0000

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Funny Cat and Squirrel Pictures With Captions!! LOL

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:39:00 +0000

Its Mine, it Has My Name on It!!! LOL

The Squirrels Wise Up and Order Pizza For Winter!!

NO, NO Like This!!!

Funny Animal Pictures With Captions!! Cat Jokes!

noreply@blogger.com (Graham Matthews) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 02:42:00 +0000

I Found Pills and Ate Them!! LOL

Funny! Cheerleading Practice Pyramid

Take My Hand if You Want to Live!! Ha Ha!

What part of a tree scares the cat?

Bark!

What is the worst animal to play cards with?

Cheetah!

What is a cheetah's favorite game?

Cheat!

What do call a cat at the beach?

Sandy Claws!