Funny Bone Press

Funny Pet Pictures

2011-10-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Here is some funny pet photos I found while I was surfin the net today hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

Funny Accidents

2011-08-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hope you enjoy my first collection of funny acidents , so times you just hate to laugh but just can help it.

There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
- Mary Kay Ash

I would love to hear that explanation.

funny accidents

funny accidents

stuff that happens to retards

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funny accidents

stuff that happens to retards

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if you want more of this video subcribe to my channel for more cheerss =]

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funny accidents everywhere
This are some funny movies maby some people died in here; stuff happens i didnt do it so stop sending mails that it's not funny... the accidents himself are funny so have fun watching it giovanni

Extremely Funny Accidents :-)
Funny Accidents :-)See how funny can be jokes on this movies, some of them are looking dangerous, some of them are pure laugh out loud, rolling on the floor laughing

How to Laugh for Hours With Your Friends

2011-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

Are you and your friends funnyYouTube junkies ? If so check out this sort tutorial .

Funny YouTube Videos - How to Laugh for Hours With Your Friends: "Have you ever spent countless hours watching YouTube videos and cracking up with friends? Want to get more funny videos? This article will teach you how to find funny videos and laugh more on YouTube."

...kar tako....

2011-06-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

Talk about a grean ride !

Annoying Things to Do

2011-04-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

Annoying Things to Do: "Doing annoying things to people is sometimes a necessity, which is where this list of 'annoying things to do' comes in handy. The art of being annoying people is more than just directly insulting people like a warrior; it must be subtle and stealthy like a ninja."

Those Halcyon Days

2010-09-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Those Halcyon Days: "In many cases dreams of childhood days is more frequent in many people. In fact almost all people wish to go back into childhood days. Those days are unforgettable in life. The days of care free life are vastly different from days occupied with efforts to earn bread and butter which prompt people to run from pillar to post especially in modern life of competition in all fields."

I Have a Couple of Days to Spare - I Know, Why Don't I Call My Cable Company?

2010-08-24T04:34:00.000-07:00

I Have a Couple of Days to Spare - I Know, Why Don't I Call My Cable Company?: "Thank you for calling Vericon Broadband. In order to help you better we have some options for you. If you are able to hear this message, there is nothing wrong with your line, so please hang up now."

Humor - A Tool For Life

2010-07-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

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In George E. Valliant's summation of the Grant Study titled Adaptation to Life he defines humor as one of the most mature and valuable defense mechanisms people use to deal with the pain and irritation of everyday life. With humor people can express themselves honestly without anger of bitterness. Humor is gentler than ridicule or wit, which can both be vindictive and insulting. Humor allows the person to view an intolerable situation while reframing it into something that can be tolerated.
Mark Twain used humor in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to attack the evils of child abuse and slavery. C. S. Lewis used humor in many of his works including The Screwtape Letters to slip under the defenses of his readers and convict the conscience. Humor is disarming and, like music, calms the savage breast.
My personal experience confirms the value of humor in dealing with disastrous or disagreeable events. My daughter who suffers with Rheumatoid Arthritis had multiple joint replacements to ease the pain she suffered. Some of her function was restored, and she began to joke that she was a bionic woman now. The last joint replacement attempt on her right elbow failed, and she contracted infections of several bacteria and finally required amputation. For a while there was great reluctance on the part of the doctor to amputate. She knew there was no hope of restoring function, and infection plagued her constantly. "Cut it off and call me stumpy," she said. She continues to suffer from Arthritis, but the loss of her arm has not diminished her sense of humor. Her example reminds me that there really isn't much in my life that humor can't improve.
It has been reassuring to me over the years to realize that God has a sense of humor. Seen from the perspective of all time and space, my fender bender or plugged toilet plays out as a farce. When I find myself relearning lessons I thought I had already perfected, God reminds me that I tried to skid by on a few. He assures me that we will do this until we get it right.
I would like to convince my readers that humor is a practical tool to increase your joy in life and your resilience in the face of difficulty. Many of the truly awful things you experience will make a great story in ten years. Humor will allow you to learn things you didn't want to know and enjoy people you thought you disliked. If you don't think it's funny now, just wait awhile; it gets better with practice.

The author has a Master's Degree in Psychology form the University of Texas at Tyler. She has six children and eleven grandchildren. He interest center around her family, church, and writing.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gayle_Haynes

2010-07-13T04:45:00.001-07:00

The straight library knocks the analogue

You Can't School Me on the Menu at My Restaurant

2010-07-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

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You Can't School Me on the Menu at My Restaurant: "So, there's nothing servers love more than RCs explaining the menu to us! Or better yet, correcting the menu for us."

How to Go About Booking Comedy Hypnotists

2010-06-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

Image by wmahl via Flickr

How to Go About Booking Comedy Hypnotists: "If you want to provide the perfect entertainment for your guests, then you need not look any further than a comedy hypnotist. They have the special talents and entertainment expertise to make your guests feel special and go back highly impressed. That is why people have loved to make comedy hypnotists an integral part of any kind of event, be it corporate, college, proms or any other function that you can possibly name."

Three Classic Car Pranks That Almost Always Work

2010-05-06T03:15:00.000-07:00

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Three Classic Car Pranks That Almost Always Work: "Cars are classic prank targets, at least in part because there are so many of them around and people who own them generally consider them essential. The term often used is 'my car' instead of 'the car' as people also feel ownership towards their car, making pranks more effective as well. Here are a few classic pranks."

Top Three Ways to Cheer Yourself Up Using Funny Quotes

2010-05-04T15:16:00.000-07:00

Image by Austin Kleon via Flickr

It's OK to feel sad and gloomy sometimes, for it was the sad moments of life that makes us realize our true potential. But it's not OK to feel gloomy for a too long period of time for it can literally suck our life. Read funny quotes when you find it to difficult to get out of blues. Here are Top five ways you can use funny quotations and cheer yourself up.
1- Read them out loud
Instead of reading them in your head silently, read them out loud. The more you read them out loud, the more quickly your sadness fades away and you feel happy and enlightened. Reading them loud moves your concentration from the reason making you sad to the funny words of funny quotations which in turn cheers you up almost instantly.
2- Hum them
Whenever I am down in the dumps, I hum some of my famous funny quotes. I feel great doing so. Weird as it may seem but it works for me, literally and so for you. Give it a try, you'll have great fun. Try this one, for instance:
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
3- Make Cheer up Funny Quotes Book
I've started created this funny quotations book couple of months ago. I update this book what I called Cheer up Book whenever I come across a new funny quote which I found worth jotting down. It has worked out really well in terms helping in chasing my blues away from the very day I created it. You can create one such for you. You can also add some funny pictures or smileys etc to make it more effective. And next time you feel down, grab this book and you'll feel much better for sure.

Visit our website fore more Funny Life Quotes and Love Quotes.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Manish_Kapoor

The Sick Side of Life

2010-04-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

Image by Stigs via Flickr

The Sick Side of Life: "Out of the top 5 things I hate 'being', being sick probably fits in at number 2. Number one is a whole other discussion that I won't get into, but let me just say, it involves a rubber chicken, three thimbles, and one of those shirts with the crocodile picture on it. I know... obvious isn't it?"

15 Funny Jokes to Take to Work

2010-04-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

<a imageanchor="1" target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Power-Humor-Allen-Klein/dp/0874775191?ie=UTF8&tag=inquiminds-20&link_code=bil&camp=213689&creative=392969"><img alt="The Healing Power of Humor" src="http://ws.amazon.com/widgets/q?MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL160_&ASIN=0874775191&tag=inquiminds-20"></a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=inquiminds-20&l=bil&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0874775191" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" border="0" height="1">Image by ♥°ஜ♥°Maggie°♥ஜ°♥ via Flickr

15 Funny Jokes to Take to Work: "Every stress-filled job needs a little injection of humor to lighten the workday load. With deadlines zooming, quotas not being met, mistakes made, boss not pleased with your performance, co-workers complaining, and back-stabbing...some days the workplace can seem like nothing but one big self-esteem sucking machine."

Hemorrhoids - A Lighter Side

2010-04-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Image by bitchcakesny via Flickr

If you are currently suffering from hemorrhoids you probably can't believe that anyone can see a lighter side! At this time, these embarrassing, rather disgusting, very uncomfortable and often painful swollen veins can only be all bad! When you're suffering with indignity and discomfort, being the butt of a hemorrhoid joke is just adding insult to injury. It is said that you know you're "middle aged" when hemorrhoid jokes stop being funny.
However the following are just some lighter side stories that may help you feel better or, at least, make you understand that your affliction has a wide variety of interest and that you are in the company of many famous people.
The Hemorrhoids are a rock band. Imagine the introduction "ladies and gentlemen put your hands - er, cheeks - er, no, hands together for the pride of Lawrence, Kansas, The Hemorrhoids!" Although their mothers must be proud I'm sure that when you listen to them on YouTube, and depending on your age and "musical" appreciation, it will be a toss up on whether the band or the condition is more painful.
Hemorrhoids are part of a song lyric written by Frank Zappa, about among other things, a groupie's hemorrhoids. But at least it's not the only subject of the song. A folk musician, by the name of Peter Cross actually wrote a whole song about hemorrhoids. His fans, who probably aren't suffering from hemorrhoids, regularly request this song. If you are interested you can find the lyrics are on his web site so you can sing along!
Bleeding hemorrhoids made at least two classical composers miserable. Consider this diary entry from the great Giacomo Meyerbeer from 1851: "Friday 23 May. I suffered all day from a cramping, diarrhetic condition that affected me badly, as did back and side pains. I suspect that these symptoms, which so often recur, are a sign of hemorrhoids." Not much progress had been made on hemorrhoid treatment when, about a half-century later, Gustav Mahler had them, too. "(1900) also brought Mahler's resignation from the (Vienna) Philharmonic and a frightening hemorrhoid-related incident in which he lost a great deal of blood".
According to a review hemorrhoids are also a real problem for drummers. Hours and hours of sitting on a little stool and pounding away at the drums plus all that constipating bar food - altogether not a good combination for hemorrhoids!
Beyonce's little sister, Solange, Tweeted that she doesn't know how to spell "hemorrhoids". She probably wouldn't make it to the second round of the spelling bee, and if she needed hemorrhoid treatment, she probably wouldn't want to sit down when she lost!
Hemorrhoid ointment is featured in a Jimmy Buffett novel,"Where is Joe Merchant?" A rock star goes missing and his "hemorrhoid-ointment heiress" sister wants to know for sure if he's dead. Really I didn't make this bizarre stuff up - Jimmy Buffett did!
If you have hemorrhoids, you have something in common with some very famous people.
Napoleon Bonaparte, the French Emperor, had such severe hemorrhoids that he couldn't sit on his horse and command his army at the Battle of Waterloo! Historians may debate that the weather, overconfidence, and miscommunication with field generals caused Napoleon's defeat - but hemorrhoid sufferers know better... who knows how history may be altered if Napoleon didn't have piles?
George Brett, the star player of the Kansas City Royals, unfortunately had a severe hemorrhoid flare up which caused him to miss parts of the 1980 World Series with the Phillies! Fans were surprised, because George was only 27 at the time. Some even offered home remedies ranging from eating orange peel and whole wheat to applying Listerine to the hemorrhoids! Needless to say, George opted for surgery.
Even American presidents are not immune to this condition as, in 1992, President Jimmy Carter underwent surgery to get rid of his hemorrhoids.
And finally, besides an anthrax infection, a cut eyeball, kidney trouble, a torn groin muscle and a broken arm from a car accident, Ernest Hemingway, the famous writer also suffered from hemorrhoids!
But(t) If your hemorrhoids are past being a joke, or you can't see the lighter side, there are fortunately a number of ways in which you can get relief from the symptoms and also find completely natural cures.

Click here http://www.gethemorrhoidsrelief.com to get a better understanding of your hemorrhoid condition and to find a natural cure.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patrick_Millerd

Public Speaking and How to Get Out of It

2010-04-16T05:01:00.000-07:00

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Public Speaking and How to Get Out of It:

I have a pretty good idea where my fear of public speaking came from. I wet my pants in kindergarten and all the kids laughed at me and pointed and then laughed some more. Twenty years of therapy later and I'm fine except for a few twitches and the occasional bout of spontaneous cruelty to small animals.
Seriously, I do have a fear of public speaking although it has diminished over the years as my command of the English language has increased. However I would still rather avoid it if I can. There's nothing worse than waking up every morning knowing you have to give a speech in a few days or weeks. It somehow taints your whole existence - I can think about nothing else until the event. You wouldn't believe the elaborate excuses I come up with to get myself out of it. So here are my tips to get out of that speechmaking you've got yourself into. What you need is a good enough excuse and one that can be publicly confirmed.
Here are a few of my favorites when your back is really up against the wall.

Throw yourself down some convenient stairs and wait to be found. Youre' confined to bed - job done.
Get arrested. Anything you think of: breaking windows, robbing an old lady, getting naked (my preferred option).
Throw yourself in front of a car (make sure it's moving). or better still a truck. Scars add character.
Date someone crazy and have them beat you up, putting you in hospital.
Join a secretive Special Forces unit - send a text message to yourself and then leave, mysteriously, just before your speech, giving everyone the impression you're going on a "mission".

Ty stone is a writer?...
When you need to avoid waking the neighbours and keep someone quiet try shipping tape and a tape gun.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ty_Stone

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2010-04-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

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Lawyer Jokes

2010-04-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

Cover of If... (Criterion Collection)

Lawyer Jokes

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?

A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?

A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?

A: At least accountants know they’re boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.

Funny Text to Speech Tricks and Pranks

2010-03-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

Funny Text to Speech Tricks and Pranks: "With the press of a button, you can set up a computer machine to simulate funny sounds and funny text to speech programs are the perfect device for creating those funny internet sounds. The pranks generated can be simply funny, or shocking, it's up to you and what reaction or emotion you want your mark to experience. The best text to speech tricks and pranks get the intended person off guard giving you the opportunity to watch with glee as the mark goes mental trying to figure it out."

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

2010-03-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

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I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Reader land about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!

1. Don't Drive Your Car

This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.

Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And the kids have school and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lessons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore
photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?

2. Carpool

It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Else's! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's so simple.

Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:

(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the county landfill.

(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is always super hyper.

(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.

(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!

You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.

3. Ride the Bus/Subway

Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can
always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:

1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.

2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.

3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation with the person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.

4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.

5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.

Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to
just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simple thank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...

The Gift of GAB - How Goals, Attitude, Behavior Help BEAT the Recession

2010-03-18T02:02:00.000-07:00

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Mrs. O'Hara
"Well, now lads I hope you enjoyed that lovely Irish breakfast - the three slices of black pudding - blood pudding to you - the slices of bacon, mushrooms, baked beans, the two fresh eggs sunny side up as you Americans like to say and of course the giant sausages from McCool's the Butcher. He's a brother-in-law of my sister-in-law you know, although they haven't spoken for over twelve years, but that's only temporary. Tell me, what do you fine lads plan to do today. You're off to the golf course, are ye?"
"Mrs. O'Hara we sure are. We need directions. We don't have GPS."
Where the Angels Swim
"And what would ye be needin' that for, Sir? Doesn't everyone around here know where everyplace is, around here like? But I'll tell ya how to get to the golf course.
"If you go down this road for about two miles, you'll see a road to the right. That road takes you over the beautiful green hillside and you'll get a great view of the lakes. They say it is where the angels swim. Some people say they swim in the nude, but I don't think Father Murphy would approve of that, although there's been a lot of talk about the long walks he takes with Mother Octavia of the Seven Sorrows - she's from Six Flags, she has five brothers, four sisters, three are nuns, two priests and one is the black sheep of the family - he's a politician! Aye, very long walks."
Mrs. O'Hara paused. "Anyway, if you see the lakes, you've taken the wrong road. Don't take that road. About a kilometer - 'tis kilometers we use here now, you know. Kilometers are shorter than miles, but the funny thing is you don't get there any faster. Anyway - before that road, there is a turn to the left - take that, and the golf course is down there. Have you gentlemen visited these parts before?"
"No. No. We have not, although I sure do love it. My grandfather emigrated from here years ago. I remember sitting on his knee and telling me about the beautiful Irish people and countryside. He never told me about the great Irish golf courses you have."
"Ah, the only things walking the land in those days were the sheep. Off you go now, gentlemen and par for putt or whatever you guys do. And mind the hydrant on the way out."
"The hydrant?"
"Oops, sorry, that's my effort at Tiger Woods humor."
"That's a bit wet, Mrs. O'Hara, that's a bit wet," responded the smiling Hank.
"Well, aren't you the clever one now, Mr. Devlin? I must write that down and say it to my next guests," Mrs. O'Hara said with glee.
What Do I Want My Attitude To Be?
"It's a funny game that golf. My son Patrick Michael says they even have names for each golf hole down at the golf course - names like White Sox and Wrigley, although he says that one is a waste of time for some reason. Where do they get names like that from? Well, now off you go and keep an eye out for sheep on the road. When you are near the golf course, they might delay you. But as my late husband, Michael Patrick said when things go wrong -'What do I want my attitude to be?' "
"Sorry to hear that your husband passed away, Mrs. O'Hara, that must have been a blow."
"My husband? - Ah no, he's just late - late back from the creamery."
"Oh, I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry - we'll keep an eye out for the sheep on the road."
"Do that. As that fellow Bono might sing, 'It's a beautiful day.' Off you go now."
As the would-be golfers drove off, Mrs. O'Hara smiled, took out her sleek iPhone hit a speed key and said:
"Hi Patrick Michael? Morning. Quick one for you. I've just had a couple of guests heading off to the golf course. Are you out on the land at the moment? Good. Good. Look they'll be going by your place in about 10 minutes. Put a few sheep out on the road for them. Give them a touch of old Ireland."
"Mom, you're nuts."
The Brand Experience
"Ah now Son, you are the one that told me about this Brand Experience thing. That it will help us beat the recession. Those guys came looking for the old Ireland. Aran sweaters. Friendly people. Crazy directions."
"And what's with the sheep, Mom? That could make them late for their golf."
"Sheep? That's the added value son which you tell me should always be provided. And if they get a little anxious about being late, just tell them to remember that great question when things go slightly wrong."
"Yea, I know, 'What do I want my attitude to be?' It's a powerful question, recession or not."
"That it is Son. So put those sheep out, create that Brand Experience thing, I'll get repeat business and pay off your student loans. It's the Gift of GAB son, Goals, Attitude, Behavior and for God's sake don't be playing the Sex Pistols on the tractor when they go by. It'll ruin the Brand Image thing. And remember that Gift of GAB, son."
"I will, I will. Goals, Attitude, Behavior. It's key to BEATING the recession. OK, Mom, I'll put the sheep out. Where are they from?"
"Chicago, the Windy City."
"Ah Barack OBama country! Will they be saying 'Yes - we can, Yes - we can' after losing a dozen golf balls on that course. But why are you sending them this direction? All you had to do was give them MapQuest details."
The Gift of GAB
"And wouldn't that ruin the experience Son? You know Ireland has one of the best educated young populations in the world. You are not a good example of that.
"You've got your father's brains - he's still not back from the creamery. My Goal is to make sure my guests have a great time, they'll have a great Attitude and the end Behavior is they will come back to Ireland again. I've got to go now son. That nice man, Padraig Harrington is on the Golf Channel. Hurry up with those sheep. You'll hear my guests coming. They're driving a stick shift."
"I will Mom, I will. I might even tell them about the Gift of GAB - How Goals, Attitude, Behavior can BEAT the living daylights out of the recession."
"That'd be nice Son. I think I hear your father coming. He's going to need the Gift of GAB to explain what kept him."
***********

Chicago based Irishman Conor Cunneen is a Chicago based Irish keynote business speaker and award winning humorist. His client list includes Harley-Davidson, Abbott, Siemens, Boeing. He is author Why Ireland Never Invaded America and SHEIFGAB the World: 8 Building Blocks to Successful Job Transition

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Conor_Cunneen

Your Top 5 St Patrick's Day Celebration Essentials

2010-03-11T02:06:00.000-08:00

Image by janusz l via Flickr

Your Top 5 St Patrick's Day Celebration Essentials: "St. Patrick's Day is almost upon us. And, although it falls on a Wednesday this year, there's never a good enough reason not to celebrate St. Patty's to its fullest."

If My Family Were on CSI

2010-02-27T20:30:00.000-08:00

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If My Family Were on CSI: "If my family were on CSI, the show would be a whole lot different. For starters, they'd get to the crime scene late if there was a Daisy Donuts on the way - and if there was a liquor store en route, well, case closed, they'd never make it at all. They'd have to take a cab to the scene what with Skeeter losing his license and all. And Uncle Edsel wouldn't be able to come if the crime happened within two hundred feet of a school."

Public Speaking - 8 Simple Tips to Make Humor Work For You

2010-02-18T06:05:00.000-08:00

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You need never again suffer the indignity of delivering a boring speaker. By adding humor to your speech you can instantly add sparkle to your public speaking. The best speakers know how to use it. Many new and part time speaker's either don't use it or don't know how to use it.

Humor is a very powerful tool for even the occasional public speaker or presenter. It can:

- Instantly attract the attention of the audience

- Be used to illustrate the points in your speech

- Break up your speech into more manageable chunks and give the audience a breather

- Increase your likeability factor with the audience

- Be used to transition from one point to the next

- Be used as a planned response when the unexpected happens

Of course, for some people humor comes easy. For others, it can be a struggle and they doubt whether they should employ it. The advantages to the public speaker from using humor, mean that it is well worth learning the techniques of humor, and with a little application anyone can use it effectively.

Here are 8 tips you can use to spice up your public speaking:-

- Build up a storehouse of stories and quips that you can use. You can find these by being a keen observer of every day life. Other sources of humour newspapers, books, magazines, conversation, films, TV etc.Make a written note of these stories and utilize a filing system to categorize them under appropriate headings.

- Observe other successful public speakers. Analyse how they use humor in their speeches. Do they start with humor? How do they use it in their speech? What gestures, facial expressions, body language etc do the employ?

- Memorize the story especially the punch line. This is crucial to the success of the story. If you happen to stumble over the punch line the opportunity for humor is lost.

- Practice and rehearse in front of a mirror, so you can see your facial expression, gestures movements etc. Also practice your timing and pauses. The more times you tell a joke the better you will become at telling it.

- Make the stories relevant to your speech. When using humor it should illuminate the point you are making. Stories and jokes that do not relate to your speech will detract from the main body and will confuse your message and the audience?

- Use humor like it is used in every day in great conversation - it is effortless and natural

- Know your audience. The humor used should match the audience. Humor that is appropriate at convention of sales people may not be suitable at a religious event.

- Don't milk the joke for more than one laugh and if it falls flat, move swiftly on as if you did not expect them to laugh anyway.

By adding the spice of humor the right way you will instantly improve the audience's perception of you and your speech. Why not take the time and apply the above tips in your next speech?

Discover how to speak with confidence in public speaking or private conversation. To claim your free preview of "The Art of Great Conversation" visit http://www.SelfConfidentSpeaking.com

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