Hey, look it! The classic men’s 501s, now re-cut for women. So comfortable, you wear it like your own skin (haw!haw!) What I wouldn’t do to stick my hands in her pocket?

… it will take a very long time to get the protection on!

Not too long ago, I posted a funny ad on men and their balls, and now I’ve got a version for condoms too!

Pick your favourite - there’s one to suit every appetite (pun intended)! Junkfood junkies seem to have got the best selections though. The next time you take a bite of your favourite snack, try to keep a straight face … and your appetite!

To the marketing/advertising geniuses who came up with these great catchphrases – thanks for the laughs. And hey, if it’s any consolation, we will NEVER forget your campaign’s message after this!

1. No Missionary Positions Here

Thanks but no thanks for that mental image. Is this about your own personal preference or perhaps this is just a shop that sells dog products. You know, belts, collars, etc. If so, I would be hard pressed to explain those medium to large t-shirts in the front of the shop. Or the big Bugs Bunny figure.

2. The things we do for ice

Erm, no halfway measures here. A full commitment is what we are looking for. Or at least less drunkenness and more focus on getting… the job done. This must be the futuristic world of man-machine love that is usually shown in dystopians movies.

3. Vader picks out a lunch meal

So tell me again… why is Darth Vader and his minion walking around in a supermarket? Couldn’t get any of the other minions to pick out lunch? Well, it looks like someone is pampering the boss’s ego.

Well, ever had a “ha ha” moment where you discovered that the book with the funny name was indeed about … that slightly inappropriate/weird/downright creepy topic. You know, something you wouldn’t expect anyone to write about?

Consider these examples:

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

Really? I suppose in this day and age of fraud, ponzi schemes and scheming financial guys this topic seems especially scary.

On the other hand, irrespective of the decade/era, you really don’t want to hear the following sentence - “The serial killer’s last purchase was How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found”.

How to Be a Pope: What to Do and Where to Go Once You’re in the Vatican

I fobbed it off as a sensationalist travel book but apparently … it’s all true.

This book captures the behind-the-scenes action as well as the how-to’s and what-to’s. You know, all the vital data a Pope might want to know.

The chapter descriptions are quirky and does bring out a laugh - How many outfits do you have?, Swiss guards are your friends and Papal movie collection?

Is there an emergency chapter about zombies? Just asking…

The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual

I suppose to each their own. And safety first in all matters.

And if there is a niche market - be it amongst straight or gay folks - for such safety manuals, you would publish a book for the target audience.

On a side note, I wonder if anyone will openly read this on the subway.

Poor Mexico! It’s not exactly the first name that poips into mind for a restive holiday and now this! The country will forever be known as the one that gave the world Swine flu.

I’m aware the threat of this flu is no laughing matter, but when you think about it more people die on the roads, either driving or just trying to get across the street, than from this virus alone.

Pandemics come, and pandemics will go. If it’s not Nipah virus, it’s SARs. If it’s not SARs, it’s A(H1N1). We’ve had mad cow disease, chicken pox… poor animals, they’re getting really lousy PR.

At the end of the day, the swine flu is not that different from the common flu. So why the panic and paranoia? So it’s gone global.

Nintendo Wii – your kids begs you to buy one, you itch to get it for your kids so you can try it, your dad is already golfing at home and your grandma is asking for one to be installed in her room.

Yes, the game console that applies to all ages. Even my other half is eyeing on one. There goes part of my salary. But anyway, it’s Wii. Not just any game console where you battle using a vibrating joy pad, or fly a 747 by cranking the joystick. Playing Wii is like a real time gaming, with its remote control Wii pad. And the sports games that came with the console are just superb for any ages. I am hooked to the tennis game myself. Its good exercise really - minus the real court and the tennis racquet. But its fun nevertheless. And one day we were watching my 60 year old mom playing golf on our Wii. It’s truly entertaining and fulfilling watching her excited face when she gets the hole-in-one; she even yelled “Oh yes! I am good!” in Cantonese.

Watch out iPod, iPhone & Palm Pre…. iSUCK is gonna SUCK MARKET SHARE from right under your nose!

Combining entertainment with peace and quiet, this nifty gadget will be on every parent’s wishlist. Tell me which parent won’t pay a to keep their precious little darlings happy? In fact, they’d be doing us a huge favour – I remember too often my eardrums almost bled from Junior’s glass-breaking wailing.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them little tykes, but you have to admit they are days when they’re not so … darling.

So it’s a win-win for everybody – parents are not driven to insanity, Junior is entertained, heck, even the environment wins – no pesky disposal problem with the batteries!

So people at Apple, pay attention. Let’s not forget the the multi-billion dollar toddler/brat market too.

How about putting a little fun and dark humor on your kitchen counter top?

Introducing, the Ex Voodoo Knife Set!

This funky, somewhat sarcastic knife block comes in 6 unique and vibrant colors for you to choose from and includes 5 razor sharp Stainless Steel knives. The set of knives includes an 8″ Chef Knife, 8″ Bread Knife, 8″ Carver, 5″ Utility Knife and a 3.5″ Paring Knife.

Designed by Raffaele Iannello, the unique ABS plastic artistic holder comes with individual protective knife sleeves and magnetized slots to keep the knives in place and not slip out.

So if you go to someone’s house (eg. your future partner’s house) and found that they have this funky knife block in their kitchen, you know they are not someone you should reckon with.

Check out Perpetual Kid for the purchase and delivery details!

And I don’t necessarily mean the wearer either. Potential crime report: -

Victim: Male, Caucasian
Death: Instantaneous, Penetration of the Arterial Chamber
Description of Murder Weapon: Sharp Instrument, 4”
Type: Stiletto
Colour: Red
Maker: Mahlono Blahnik
Motive: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

So guys, the next time you’re ogling the sexy long legs of a sweet young thing, remember the shoes on her feet can double as weapons. And if she doesn’t like the attention, it could be your eyeballs that get it.

Or worse. For the guys who are foolish enough to actually stare at girls with their partners around, be warned. Your girlfriend or wife may just be creeping up behind you. And you won’t hear her coming… she’s taken off her high heels, you see.

(Picture Source: funnydb.com)

Sweat + tea!

You have tried tea mixed with condensed milk before. You have tried tea with lemon before. But how about tea with sweat? Hahaha, still thirsty?