Funny Emails

New Emoticons

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 17:27:16 +0000

We all know those cute little computer symbols called ‘ emoticons, ‘ where: means a smile and is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by Well, how about some ‘ ASSICONS? ‘ Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) an ass hole {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that ‘ s been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass

5 Funny Catholic Jokes

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:20:48 +0000

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’ The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’ The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’ ? The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’ The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that.. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’ Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’ The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’ The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.’ The priest [...]

How To Call Someone A Bastard Politely

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:22:07 +0000

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, “We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?” The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.” The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” The Priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation . . . And, if you want to bring your mother [...]

14 Short Jokes About Marriage

admin — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:19:43 +0000

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. __________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ”Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” ”Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.” __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: ”Husband Wanted”. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ”You can have mine.” __________ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. __________ A little boy asked his father, ”Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.” __________ A young son asked, ”Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.” __________ Then there was a woman who said, ”I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late.” __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. [...]

Mothers Day Jokes

admin — Sun, 13 May 2012 18:37:18 +0000

Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning? Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed. Mom No. 1: How does that help? Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there. Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous? Mother snake: Yes, son.Why? Baby snake: I just bit my tongue! Chris: Why is a computer so smart? Mom: It listens to its motherboard. Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping! Sunday school teacher: Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating? Johnny: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook. Doug: I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all. Dan: How do you know? Doug: She’s learning to drive a bulldozer. Ryan: Why did you chop the joke book in half? John: Mom said to cut the comedy. A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to [...]