Funny jokes and sms

Tumharay jaanay k baad

2011-03-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

In ankhon main aansu ayai na hotay,
Agar tum pichay mur ker muskuraye na hotay,

Tumharay jaanay k baad yeh ghum hota hay,
Kaash tum zindagi main ayai hi na hotay….

Apnay dushman say hi dil laga baithay

2011-03-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

Apnay dushman say hi dil laga baithay,
Unki saadgi say faraib kha baithay,

Patharon say tha apna rishtaa,
Phir bhi sheeshay k ghar bana baithe..

Aey dil tornay walay

2011-03-22T04:45:00.000-07:00

Totay howay paimanay main jaam nahin aata,
Ishq k mareez ko araam nahin aata,

Aey dil tornay walay tuney yeh to socha hota,
Toota howa dil kisi k kaam nahin aata.

Zubaan se naam lete hain

2011-03-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

Zubaan se naam lete hain,
Aankhon se aansu chalak jaate hain.

Kabhi hazaro baatein kiya karte the,
Aaj ek baat ke liye taras jaate hai.

Tumhare rooth jaane ke baad

2011-03-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

Royengi ye aankhein muskuraane ke baad,
Aayegi raat din dhal jaane ke baad,
Tum kabhi naa ruthnaa mujhse ae yaar,
Shayad ye zindagi hi na ruth jaaye,
Tumhare rooth jaane ke baad.

Tumhari kami mehsoos hui

2011-03-19T04:43:00.000-07:00

Sooni zindagi me halchal mehsoos hui,
bejan dil me dharkan mehsos hui,

janey kion aaj aisa laga,
shayad tumhari kami mehsoos hui.

Kuch log bahut yaad aate hain

2011-03-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

Zindagi sabko milay zaroori to nahi,
mohabat sabko milay zaroori to nahi.

Kuch log bahut yaad aate hain,
woh bhi hume yaad kare zarori to nahi

Wo Nazar Kahan Se Laon

2011-03-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

Wo Nazar Kahan Se Laon Jo Unhe Bola De,
Wo Dawa Kahan Se Laon Jo Dard Mita De,
Milna Tu Likha Hota Hai Takdeeron Main,
Wo Takdeer Kahan Se Laon Jo Mila De

Teri yaad k sayai nahin jaatay

2011-03-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

Teri yaad k sayai nahin jaatay

Apnon k sitam hamsay bataye nahin jatay,
Yeh hadsay woh hain jo samjhaye nahin jatay,

Aik umer ki koshish say bhula di hay teri yaad,
Laikin teri yaad k sayai nahin jaatay…

Tasveer ko seenay se laga lete hain

2011-03-15T04:54:00.001-07:00

Unki tasveer ko seenay se laga lete hain,
is tarah judai ka gham mita lete hain,

kisi tara kabhi unka ziker ho jaye to,
bheegi palko ko juka lete hain..

Khuwab to bhikar gaye

2011-03-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

Haalat pay meri hasnay hasaney aaja,
jhooti hi sahi par sachi ansoon bhane aaja

khuwab ko kiya sajana,woh toh bhikar gaye
ana hai agar toh meri zindagi swaarne aaja!

Kaha Tha UsNe k Apna Bana ke hi Choron Ga,

2011-03-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

Kaha Tha UsNe k Apna Bana ke hi Choron Ga,

Hua B Kuch U Hi K Us Ne Apna Bana K Chor Diya

love letter of banta

2011-03-15T01:31:00.001-07:00

Banta Singh was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted to marry. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter proposing to her.

Banta Singh Wrote

Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation.

I have a strong indication
to become your relation.

As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.

What do you say to the solemnization of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilization and
with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.

On your approbation of the application, shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.

Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.

She Wrote Back

Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination
which on examination, I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.

You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimum
qualification for the convocation and before taking your photo for
circulation undergo beautification.

Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any
fascination and,
3. Procreation must NOT be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper
conversation.

I Remain, Unaffected by your affection.

A girls first time!

2011-03-15T01:30:00.001-07:00

a girls first time*

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your

muscles tighten. You put him

off for a while searching for an excuse, but he

;refuses to be swayed as he

approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you

shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first

time his finger has found

the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;

your body tenses; but

he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks

deeply within your eyes

and tells you to trust him - he's done this many

times before. His cool

smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him

;more room for an easy

entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,

but he slowly takes his

time, wanting to cause you as little pain as

possible. As he presses

;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give

way; pain surges throughout

your body and you feel the slight trickle of

blood as he continues. He

looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too

painful.Your eyes are

filled with tears but you shake your head and nod

for him to go on. He

begins going in and out with skill but you are

now too numb to feel him

within you. After a few moments, you feel

something bursting within you and

he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to

have it over. He looks

at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a

chuckle; that you have been

his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your

dentist. After all,it was your first time to have

a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin' ?

PERVERT

I know what you were thinking![/center]

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds (Actual excerpts from classified sections

2011-03-15T01:29:00.001-07:00

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….) :d

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!) :d

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?) :d

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out) :d

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet) :d

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
(uh…huh!) :d

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!) :d

Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha…

2011-03-15T01:28:00.001-07:00

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha…

Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha…

Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha..

Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha…

Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha…

Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri company ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha…

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha…

!!! EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER !!!

2011-03-15T01:25:00.000-07:00

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air
part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. isnt it true

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.

A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last
5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't
you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost
without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to
push, he keeps trying!

A smart Indian Mom…

2011-03-15T01:23:00.002-07:00

A smart Indian Mom…

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you Know?"

......

.......

……

.......

......

........

........

........

........

........

.......

.........

............

The Indian mother replies,

"I don't like her."

How guys select the girl they want to marry.....

2011-03-15T01:23:00.000-07:00

How guys select the girl they want to marry.....

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of ,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the, 000. She gives him back his 00 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer )

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* > > > > > > > He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

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* > > > > > > > Men are Men.... Obviously!!!

bored at office?..

2011-03-15T01:19:00.001-07:00

bored at office?..

And if you are still bored-............ ............. then..............

Fwd this mail to everyone u know !!

Two boys

2011-03-15T01:18:00.002-07:00

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching
on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably
just your Dad.

At School

2011-03-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

At School they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed
him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

A school teacher

2011-03-15T01:17:00.000-07:00

A school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."

the young girl

2011-03-15T01:15:00.001-07:00

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her
own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running
through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."

A little girl

2011-03-15T01:13:00.001-07:00

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was
running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty
and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running
again! As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"