FUNNY PICTURE VIDEOS JOKES

ONLY FUN

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:50:00 +0000

WHO IS BIG

OBEY RULE

WANNA EAT HHHMMMMMM

SMILE PLZ

I M FROM NASA

EVERYONE SLEEPING

I M CUTE

I brush my teeth daily

wanna play

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noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:46:00 +0000

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CRAZY

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Sat, 17 May 2008 08:03:00 +0000

CRAZY PICTURES

CRIMINAL CAT

FACE
BINLARGER

LAZY FIREMAN

BEAR

GIRLFRIEND REMOTE

HELLO

YOUR HERE

TOILET PAPER

MAGIC

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Sat, 17 May 2008 07:58:00 +0000

MAGIC AND FUN
PLZ SEE THESE PICTURE IN ZOOM MODE U WE SEE EFFECT

STAR AMINALS

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Sat, 17 May 2008 07:55:00 +0000

STARS OF YEAR

FUNNY CHILDS PICtURE

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Sat, 17 May 2008 07:50:00 +0000

LOVELY BABY

LARGE FAMILY BENEFIT

TOILET SEAT BATH TUB

FREEDOM

VICTORY V

IPOD

NICE SMELL

LOVE U

QUOTES N WORDING

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Sat, 17 May 2008 07:46:00 +0000

QUOTES N WORDING

OVERLOAD PITURE

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Fri, 16 May 2008 09:18:00 +0000

TOO MUCH LOAD

COUNT HOW MANY DUCKS?

U WANT TO RIDE ON THIS TRAIN?

SEE SAW

OHHHHHHHHH

picture for fun

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Fri, 16 May 2008 09:10:00 +0000

PICTURE FOR FUN

NICE HAIRS

CAT EAT MOUSE

DUTY IS FIRST

I M READY

Executive Decision joke

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Fri, 16 May 2008 09:07:00 +0000

Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"

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Executive Decision

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell."

"I don't know!" she flounders.

"Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity."

"Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."

She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.

The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her off to Satan.

Satan takes her to a power breakfast given in her honor. Then she is escorted to a tennis club where she is greeted by her old boss, some co-workers, and previous business acquaintances. She plays a few sets of tennis and catches up on the gossip. At lunchtime her old boss takes her to a gourmet restaurant and she has an excellent meal with vintage wine.

After lunch he takes her to an exclusive golf course and they play 18 holes of golf. She runs into other business acquaintances and catches up on news and gossip.

After golf, he drops her at a spa where she is pampered and spoiled by beauty and body treatments. When she is finished at the spa, an acquaintance takes her shopping at designer stores. She picks out a fabulous evening gown, and Satan himself takes her to a huge party with drinking, dancing, gourmet food, and famous people.

At the end of the evening, a stretch limo drops her off at a five-star hotel. As she soaks in the Jacuzzi tub, and sips the complimentary champagne, she ponders eternity.

The next morning, she meets St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Well, have you made your decision?" He asks.

"I've decided on hell," she announces.

"So be it." St Peter waves goodbye and she reappears before the fiery gates of hell.

Once inside she is teamed up with her old boss again, only this time everyone is wearing rags. They are filthy, diseased, malnourished, and living in a barren desert. They have to scrounge for food, water, clothing, even shade.

"What happened!?!" She exclaimed.

"Well," said her boss, "Yesterday you were a recruit. Today you are staff."

GREAT CHINESE

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:36:00 +0000

GREAT CHINA

TELL WHAT IS HE TOOK?

DIFFERENT CAR

OPEN AIR TOILET

GOOD IDEA

REST IS BEST

NICE IDEA

GREAT INDIA

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:31:00 +0000

EAST OF WEST INDIA IS BEST

Funny Christmas Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:24:00 +0000

Wyoming Dumb Laws

You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.

It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.

Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.

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Funny Christmas Jokes

The strange Christmas scene

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

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Clean Funny Blonde Jokes

Blonde's medical exam

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.

She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

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The Competition

The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them all a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try and catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exsist.

The FBI now goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten racoon. The racoon is yelling, "Okay, Okay!!! Im a rabbit, Im a rabbit!"

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Funny Yo Mama Jokes

Yo Momma's Like a ...?

Your momma's like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and lays in the closet.

Your momma's like a toilet, she's so full of shit.

Your momma's like a hardware store 5 cents a screw

Your momma's like a squirell, she can't keep nuts out of her mouth.

Your momma's like a buffet, $3.00 and it's all you can eat!

Your momma's like buckleys, she tastes bad but works

Your momma's like a doorknob everyone gets a turn.

Your momma's like a light switch even a 4 Year old can turn her on.

Your momma's like a refrigerator, every one sticks there meet in her

Your momma's like a nascar driver she burns fifty rubbers a day

Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow

Your momma's like a hockey puck everyone gets a whack!

Your momma's like a merry go round everyone gets a spin!

Your momma's like a bus everyone gets a ride!

Your momma's like a boomeramg she keeps coming back for more.

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MAN MADE

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 12:18:00 +0000

MAN MADE DO NOT GO THERE

OOOOOO PLEASE

DONT KNOW WHEN WHAT HAPPEN

BACHELORS

FUNNY HUMAN

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 12:11:00 +0000

FACE EXPRESSION

FAITH JOKES

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:05:00 +0000

God`s Help

A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well.

He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"

Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer!

He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!"

Still nothing ..... and the train was just seconds away!

He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet."

Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!

He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
##################################################################

Genius at Work

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister.

As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein."

Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.

The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's comment about the sermon. The parishioner replied that he did.

The minister asked, "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"

The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you."

COMPUTER JOKES

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:01:00 +0000

Super Computer

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

"Where is my father?" he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.

Clever Guest laughed.

"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."

Types of Girls

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.
That, my friends, is Globalization!!

Chocolate peanuts JOKE

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:37:00 +0000

Fat Slob
A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist.

He says, “Doc, I can’t seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?”

Chocolate peanuts

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.

While he’s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they’re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, “Thanks for the peanuts.”

She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off ‘em.”

Father’s ashes

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.

She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in.

He says “What’s this?”

She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”

He goes, “Jeez…oooh….I…”

She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

Posted in Men and Women | No Comments »
Curing hiccups on the electric chair
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005

A guy’s on the electric chair.

The warden’s just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, “Do you have any last requests?”

The guy says, “(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?”

JOKES

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:33:00 +0000

One line Pun!

* Be kind to your dentist - even a dentist has fillings.
* Two wrongs can make a riot.
* Gravity is a myth; Earth sucks.
* I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
* Families are like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts.
* Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
* Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
* Some people are wise, and some, otherwise.
* Statisticians say "mean" things.
* A princess gets her education one knight at a time.
* The first scientists who studied fog were mistified.
* Don’t put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
* What did one bee say to her neighbor? Mind your own bee’s nest.
* I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have
paid for me.
* "The picture of the horse is good. But where is the wagon?" "Oh, the horse
will draw that."
* I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me
’son.’ I said, ‘Why do you call me ’son’? You’re not my father.’ He said, ‘I
brought you up, didn’t I?’
* I spent a lot of my money on booze, babes and fast cars….The rest, I
just squandered.
* When a guy says that he likes a woman’s sense of humor, he ISN’T talking
about her jokes. He’s talking about appreciating his!
* We’re a fastidious couple… I’m fast…. She’s tedious.
* If you want a pretty nurse, you’ve got to be patient.
* How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the
other.
* The more things change, the more they stay insane.
* Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms.
* If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
* With everything you read about spray cans and the ozone layer it’s enough
to scareosol to death.
* Many campaign promises are sound. Just sound!
* I just need enough to tide me over until I need more!
* Wrestlers don’t like to be put on hold.
* My check bounced because of insignificant funds.
* Jan. 19, 1896 the first music patent was granted. The man who received it
said he got it for a song.
* I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how
I lost my mind.
* A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!
* Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids!
* "I needn’t have been cloned," said Dolly sheepishly, "my family used to do
exactly what I did anyway !"
* It is rumored that Bobby Fischer got bored of playing chess with Russians.
He asked the association to fix his next match with some other Europeans. It
seems his telegram read, " How about a Czech mate?"
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Twenty years in solitary

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they’re all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They’re each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.

At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy’s cell. He comes out and says, “I studied so hard. I’m so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific.” They open up the second guy’s door. He comes out with his wife, and they’ve got five new kids. He says. “It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it.” They open up the third guy’s door, and he’s slapping at his pockets, going “Anybody got a match?”

Posted in Whatever, Men and Women | No Comments »
Going, going…gone
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005

A high school girls runs up to her father. She says, “Daddy, Daddy, I need fifty dollars.”

He says, “Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?”

Posted in School and College, Children, Men and Women | No Comments »
Sock breath

Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy’s in the bathrom.

As Jimmy’s getting undressed he says to himself, “How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world’s smelliest feet?” Then he throws his socks under the bed. Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and *he* goes into the bathroom.

Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world’s worst breath? I’ve got to tell him.”

Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, “Honey, I’ve got to tell you something.” Jimmy says, “Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks.”
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Corn and Adultery

A couple gets married and the wife puts a foot locker in the bedroom. She locks it, then puts the only key on a chain around her neck.

For fifty years, her husband tries to figure out what’s in there, but she always changes the subject, and avoids the issue. Finally, on the night of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, he says to her, “I’ve got to know what’s in the trunk!”

She takes the key, unlocks the foot locker, and inside there’s two ears of corn and $25,000.

The guy says, “What’s with the two ears of corn?”

She says, “Well, umm, in the fifty years, every time I broke our marriage vows, I put an ear of corn in the trunk.”

The guy figures, “Twice in fifty years, not so bad…” Then he says, “And what’s the $25,000?”

She says, “Well, everytime I got a bushel, I sold it.”

CUTE FUNNY CATS

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:27:00 +0000

SLEEPING DIFFERENT

U R UNDER ARREST

U HAVE TO BATH TODAY

index jokes

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Tue, 06 May 2008 06:45:00 +0000

FUNNY JOKES INDEX
click to read jokes below

Index Funny picture

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Tue, 06 May 2008 06:39:00 +0000

INDEX FUNNY PICTURES
click on picture to see

Index

noreply@blogger.com (TSB) — Tue, 06 May 2008 06:22:00 +0000

FUNNY PICTURE VIDEO JOKES CONTENT INDEX

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