Funny Shit from Japan : 2chan translation

Flip book manga [Video]

2012-03-19T21:24:00.000+11:00

Pendulum

Connected (from 1:38)

Gundam Seed + Evangelion in China [Video]

2012-01-17T03:41:00.002+11:00

Boy's shoplifting

2012-01-14T01:00:00.000+11:00

720 Anon：2006/02/27(月) 15:38:26 ID:w0t6w23X

I went to the convenience store sometimes ago, and found a boy who hid cheap lollies in his pocket and ran to the outside.

Following him, that boy stopped in front of a book shop after walking about five blocks away and started looking at a picture book of animals.

I spoke to him, saying “I’ll give back the stuff you stole from the convenience store and apologise to them for you. So don’t ever think about doing that again, ‘kay?”

The kid bit his lip and stared at me for a while, but gradually his eyes became teary. Saying “Sorry” to me, he handed me the lollies he took.

I gave him a lecture like “men should never do wrong things no matter what”.

The kid was so quiet when I was talking, but when I said bye and turned back, he tugged at my hand.

He looked straight into my eyes and said “I’ll never do that.... cos I’m a man!”.

I left there, having the lollies on the way back home.

My prayer

2012-01-12T01:00:00.000+11:00

64 Anon 2006/12/11(月) 00:28:05

When I was still at kindergarten, my father or someone said “Your breasts may become big” to me.

Back then, my breasts were actually not like the flat ones of my friends.

But since I really hated sexual stuff, I felt so bad about being told that.

So I seriously prayed that my breasts won’t grow any bigger to the family shrine.

20 years later.

Great grandpa! Great grandma! And my forefathers!

Why did you grant me that wish!? That was just a nonsense coming from an ignorant little girl!

Fuuuuck!!!

Toupee

2012-01-10T01:00:00.000+11:00

301 Anon：2002/04/21 16:23

While I was still an elementary schooler, I happened to know my dad’s secret.

When I was playing with dad, his hair suddenly fell off on the floor.

He wore a toupee.....

“D-Dad....toupee!?”

At dinner on that day, I, who was just an ignorant kid back then, proudly talked to mum and big brother about dad’s toupee as if I got to know something they might not know.

Later, mum strongly said “He’s seriously bothered about the toupee so don’t talk about that ever again!”, and I learnt that was something I must not talk about no matter what.

20 years since that day, I have never mentioned his toupee.

When he gave me a ride on his shoulders, I tried really hard not to touch his hair.

When I was going through rebellious stage and had an argument against him, I really wanted to scream out “You toupee old man!” at him but resisted that desire.

I knew he set his toupee or put hair restorer at the bathroom, so even when I was at an adolescence and really wanted to set my hair with hair wax, I kept patient and didn’t rush him.

Even though I have been putting so much effort on not mentioning his toupee, my big brother, whose head is recently becoming balding, says “My hair is getting like dad’s! Maybe I should try that hair implant thing haha!” to dad without hesitation whatsoever.

Even mum says “Your hair loss is inherited from dad.”

Dad, I’ll never talk about your hair unlike mum and brother! I’ll pretend not to realise your toupee for my life!!

Letter from mother

2012-01-08T01:00:00.000+11:00

625 Anon ：2006/08/08(火) 18:49:54 ID:gxEvaWAe0

My mother passed away while I was still at the age of being in a kindergarten.

She left a letter for me, written only in Hiragana so that I could read it.

Since the day Mii-chan came to my tummy, Mummy has been being given the happiest time in the world from Mii-chan.

Mii-chan, who I really really love.

I hope Mii-chan will be the happiest in the world like I was.

Mother, I’m going to be married this autumn.

I will be the happiest one in the world.

Girlfriend's fart

2012-01-06T01:00:00.000+11:00

When I invited my girlfriend, who I intended to marry, to the family dinner...

*Dboooo*

Everyone “...........”

It was obviously her.

It sounded from her ass.

Absolutely, her fart.

Mum said “Oh honey, stop it!” to dad for not embarrassing her.

Thumbs up, mum!

I almost hi-fived her but restrained myself.

But dad said “No I didn’t! Definitely not me!”

Dad, why are you getting mad so much?

We could keep the good mood here if you pretended to have farted!

Is it that you wannna say “I’m a dandy father who doesn’t fart” to my girlfriend? Bullshit!

I got kind of panicked and said “Sorry, that was me!” but my girlfriend confessed “S-Sorry for this. That was me....”.

While thinking of how to help her not to embarrass any further, dad said “Did you have Kimchi last night? Smells like that! haha”

There was no other day in my life than then which makes me realise why dad was fired several months ago.

Lonely battle in the bath

2012-01-04T01:00:00.000+11:00

311 Anon ：2007/01/09(火) 22:38:02 ID:81JZjEah0

It’s really embarrassing to talk about but...

While taking a bath, being drunk, I remembered the sort of urban legend that a dick was stuck in a drain and could not pull it off.

Thinking “that can’t be happened!”, I tried.

At the bathroom of a cheap old apartment, my dick was sucked into a small drain.

I tried to pull it out but couldn’t. I suddenly got sober.

Weird posing....my dick getting colder and colder....my heart started pounding...

312 ：311 ：2007/01/09(火) 22:43:42 ID:81JZjEah0

After 10 minutes, I was totally panicked and shouted out. But the next room was empty, so there was no hope anyone would come...

I could neither get out of the bathroom nor call for help. I started sweating so bad...

I began to feel suffocated because of having a strange pose for a while.

The thought that I wanted to be released from the drain was twirling in my mind.

A razor leaning on the mirror caught my eye. At that moment, my heart started pounding so fast.

“If I cut my dick off, I can get out of here....”　

I seriously thought so back then.

313 ：311 ：2007/01/09(火) 22:58:14 ID:81JZjEah0

Panting...panting...panting....

Repeatedly having a short breath, my hand reached the razor.

“Even if I cut it, it should be able to be put back as long as I have a surgery immediately!”

“What if my dick is totally swallowed into the drain?”

So many things came up in my mind. I think I went nuts then.

“If I cut it off, it’s so pitiful for my girlfriend who loves sex...”

When I thought about her, I calmed down a bit.

It was a power of love, or maybe rather a fear of being dumped.　

A washbowl caught my eye, and I took all hot water out of the bath.

When most water was flushed to another drain, I plunged the handle of the razor between the drain and my dick.

My dick was pulled out 3 hours after it got stuck.

My dick got cold and numb so I squirted hot water at it.

I was so scared that my dick could become rotten and fell off so I ran for the hospital.

A doctor and a nurse scolded me off so bad.

My shoulder got hurt because of having a weird posing for a long time but thankfully, I didn’t have to be a man without a dick!

But my girlfriend dumped me the following week...

Tummy

2012-01-02T01:00:00.000+11:00

390 Anon：2011/07/13(水) 20:04:42.16 ID:J8cGiP6S

On the one end of the bench at a shopping centre, a mother with big breasts was looking for something in her bag with her 3yo-ish son.

On another end of the bench, there was a young sales man with an exhausted face.

That little boy worriedly gave a glance to the sales man a few times, and asked “Is your tummy hurt?”.

The man powerlessly smiled at the boy and answered “I’m alright, thank you...”

It was a very hot day back then, so maybe the man came to the shopping centre to take a short rest at a cool place.

Hearing his answer, the boy took his mum to him, asked her to squat down and said

“You can touch them. You will feel better.”, pointing at her breasts.

The mother looked surprised but the sales man looked even more surprised.

What a coincidence!

2011-12-31T01:00:00.000+11:00

16 Anon 2005/09/24(土) 15:49:37 ID:p3kVtRv3

I almost got stuck in a toilet sometimes ago.

331 Anon 2005/09/24(土) 19:53:10 ID:p3kVtRv3

>>16

Hahaha what a coincidence! Me too!

332 Anon 2005/09/24(土) 19:55:02 ID:p3kVtRv3

It was myself.

What's Manko?

2011-12-29T01:00:00.000+11:00

238 Anon：05/08/26 04:36

When I was at elementary school, I heard the word “manko (pussy)” from my classmate, and I was curious about it.

So I asked mum “What’s manko?”

She taught me “That’s where you come from.”

The following day, my teacher questioned “Do you know where you are from?”

Since I was a good student who always raised a hand first, I proudly said

“Yes, that’s manko. Manko!”

My life as an honour student started collapsing at that time.

Last day to visit

2011-12-27T01:00:00.000+11:00

108 Anon 2009/05/25(月) 22:34:50 ID:1zl/3zIXO

Today, an old man who just retires his job is eating a bowl of Soba noodles by himself.

That’s Soba noodles with one tempura prawn at 500yen.

The man has been coming to this Soba restaurant nearly every day over the past 30 years, but he has barely had a conversation with shop staff.

Of course he doesn’t have a reason to talk with anyone today as well, but he somehow talks to the restaurant owner who looks as old as him.

“I retire my job today.”

“I see.”

That is the whole conversation.

They don’t have other topics to talk about.

His retirement means his last day to visit the restaurant.

Then, suddenly another tempura prawn is put on his bowl.

“Is it okay?”

“Just have it.”

The man has Soba noodles while crying.

A flood of tears covers his face because of the owner’s heart-warming kindness.

The man determines that he will keep visiting this restaurant even after retirement.

The old man takes out a 500 yean coin from his wallet and says

“Give me a bill”

“800 yen”

Christmas

2011-12-25T01:00:00.001+11:00

362 Anon : 2008/12/25(Thu) 17:56:41 ID:kIeKToXZ

Cos I was fired today although it’s Christmas, I’m drinking in desperation.

What the fuck is it today?

Die already, stupid Jesus Christ!

377 Anon : 2008/12/25(Thu) 22:59:51 ID:Y07NmYpS

>>362

Unfortunately he’s already dead.

Santa

2011-12-24T01:00:00.002+11:00

907 Anon : 2008/03/15(Sat) 22:57:49 ID:0VqWm+Vg

I suppose Santa Clause is rather

“The wish of parents that they want their children to be the kind of kid who believes in Santa”.

So the duty of children is to grant them this wish.

In my family’s case, sometimes Lupin the third came from time to time

And left the letter that says

“Your money you got from Grandpa is in our hands

-Lupin the third”

The handwriting looked as neat as my mum’s.

Dad's first email

2011-12-23T01:00:00.000+11:00

572 Anon 2011/05/02(月) 12:21:58.43 ID:KVMR8R1r0

My dad’s first email

Title: Is this all right?

Text: Is this really all right?

Fail

2011-12-22T03:00:00.000+11:00

I couldn't find the video whether she was alright or not but apparently she was not injured according to some responses on 2chan.

How to deal with having a shit in a bus

2011-12-21T01:00:00.000+11:00

481 Anon : 2005/11/15(火) 22:42:23 [sage]

As I was young, I had a weak digestion and often had diarrhea.

When I was on the way to go to high school, I had a shit in my pants in the crowded bus.

I thought “Oh crap!” but I immediately ran away to my imaginary world so nothing mattered.

482:名無し職人 :2005/11/15(火) 22:59:31 [sage]

>>481

Hey hey hey heeeey!

It does matter!

You didn’t solve any problem at all!

Two dogs

2011-12-20T03:00:00.000+11:00

1 Anon：2007/09/04(火) 11:30:44.09 ID:ykORM0yr0

When I was still at elementary, on the way back home, I was idly looking at two dogs playing together. And an old man took a photo of me.

A few months later, on the local newspaper that mum gave to me, there was my photo looking at the mating of two dogs with the title “Curiosity”.

Naughty niece

2011-12-19T01:00:00.000+11:00

306 Anon：2006/05/30(火) 23:58:17 ID:+UW1RKN10

This is about when my grandma passed away.

After her funeral, my 5 year old naughty niece became so bored and she started playing with a microphone at the funeral hall.

My grandma passed away at the age of 91, which was a peaceful death, so the funeral was not something that everyone was sobbing.

So we let the niece play with it, but she got excited with a microphone more and more and aimed it at grandma’s body in an uncovered coffin and said

“How do you feel right now?”

Exhibitionist on the beach [Image]

2011-12-18T01:00:00.013+11:00

The coastal story 2009: 99% exposure

The boy's comment "Jeez..."

80km + 100km = ?

2011-12-17T01:00:00.003+11:00

38 Anon : 2005/12/06(火) 17:03:10 ID:mdjga362

What happens when you throw a ball at the speed of 80km in the train running at 100km?

43 Anono : 2005/12/06(火) 17:03:15 ID:R712aW260

>>38

Obviously you’ll be told off

First time love hotel

2011-12-15T01:00:00.011+11:00

43 Anon：2009/09/19(土) 03:15:15 ID:ORw16B9lO

When I was at 15, I went to the love hotel close to my house with my girlfriend for our first sex.

I was still virgin back then, and I was worried that I might be caught for being in the love hotel although we were still high school students.

I quickly pushed the button of the empty room and rushed to the reception.

45 Anon：2009/09/19(土) 03:23:08 ID:ORw16B9lO

Restlessly waiting for the key given by a receptionist, the receptionist put the key on the table roughly so I almost pissed my pants.

As you know, the reception windows at love hotels are usually screened so that you can’t see the face of receptionists. However, I could see her face through the chink of the screen.

It was my mum.

She said “It’s free of charge today. Just calm down and do it manly.”

My girlfriend and I only watched TV without words for two hours, and went back home.

Three happiest moments

2011-12-13T01:00:00.001+11:00

173 Anon :2011/06/06(月) 20:07:50.88 ID:DOobI942

Men have three happiest moments in life.

When a women who a man is in deep love with accepts his proposal
When she gives a birth to their baby
After a half century, when he passes away at hospital while his beloved one holds his hand

Women have three happiest moments in life.

When a man who a women is in deep love with proposes to her
When she gives a birth to their baby
After a century, when her husband passes away

Rabbit grooms her toy friend [Video]

2011-12-12T01:00:00.000+11:00

Taxi driver

2011-12-11T01:00:00.008+11:00

678 Anon：2011/05/31(火) 17:22:16.51

I’m a taxi driver.

In summer last year, I had 28yo-ish beautiful mother and her son.

Getting into the taxi, she was yawning a lot.

I asked her whether she was exhausted.

Mother “I don’t have much sleep lately”

Me “Yeah it’s hard to fall asleep at hot nights like these days.”

Mother “Yes, I really can’t sleep well....”

Then her 3yo-ish son said

“Mummy, you can’t sleep because you are licking daddy’s peenie!”

I had’t seen such blushed face that was as red as tomato.