Funny Shorts!

New Update Thursday: A Gentleman's Guide to Fistbumps

2013-10-24T20:32:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

We updated.

A Gentleman's Guide to Fistbumps

--Geoff

Hey Reddit!

2013-06-12T10:50:00.002-07:00

Hey Guys,

So as you've probably already seen, NEW UPDATE THURSDAY (last week)!

Dream Job

This one is an absolutely true story. SEGUE! I would like to take a moment to talk about Reddit.

First of all, I'm a huge fan of Reddit, it's an amazing combination of political activism, social insight, and circlejerky dick jokes. Also, we owe a portion of our success (I'm using that term lightly) to Reddit as they are responsible for a couple of our videos going viral. Thanks!

That said, they seem to be really raging over there about this video being fake and a lie. For example, here's an excerpt from a PM I got this morning: "YOU STUCK AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A BAD DAY!" I think they meant to write "suck," but typing is hard when you're an idiot. Anyway.

This sketch is in fact a true story. No, I don't have proof. Yes, we're exaggerating slightly for an attention grabbing headline. But, they really did say that CJ will "never work at this company."

Everyone please kindly relax and stop sending me hate mail.

Love,
Geoff

New Update Thursday! Survival Facts

2013-05-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

You guys remember when we used to make comedy?

Well, we're back, again. We know we don't update enough. We're working on it. We promise the next one won't take six months.

Survival Facts! with Funny Shorts

xoxo,

Geoff

Halloween Special!

2012-10-31T15:26:00.003-07:00

me: new version is uploading
   almost done
   it's way better
Christopher: teehee! I'm psyched
   and also dressed as Indiana Jones at work
me: yesssss
Christopher: 'tis a good day
me: best day ever
   I just had a great poop
Christopher: JEALOUS

And with that, I present to you, the 2012 Funny Shorts Halloween Special:

Bucket of Eyes

Hey Reddit

2012-10-17T11:47:00.001-07:00

Hey Reddit. Thanks for checking out our site, even though I spelled "sleight" wrong. You're all true pals. Picture of a cat. Meme. Am I doing this right

So I was the first person to dial into the conference call for work...

2012-09-10T14:42:00.003-07:00

me: I am rocking out to this conference call hold music right now
Marissa: oh dang, none of us are even in the conference room yet
me: it's like I'm in an 80s porn
so much wah guitar
Marissa: but geoff, you arrrreeee in an 80s porn
me: waaaaaaaaa

New Update Thursday! Another Nosetradamus Sequel for Some Reason!

2012-08-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Bet nobody ever expected there to be ONE MORE OF THESE!!!!!

Nosetradamus IV - The Burger Sneasoning

2012-07-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

Here's an amusing chat CJ and I just had:

Christopher: here's an amusing chat Fras and I just had:

me: How about that fire drill?
Chris: did you leave during the fire drill
me: whoa
did we just message each other about the fire drill at the exact same random moment?
Chris: yeesssssss....
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
me: I'M TRYING! I CANT FIND THE DOOR!
Chris: go left!
me: YOUR LEFT OR MY LEFT?!
OH WAIT THEY'RE THE SAME
Chris: just follow the sound of my voice!
me: Its coming from EVERYWHERE
Chris: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
me: Quick, get a bright idea so I can see
Chris: that's gonna be rough, all I want to do is close my eyes. It gets dark then
me: We're basically acting out InnerSpace via gchat

New Update Thursday: End of Days!

2012-07-26T01:57:00.001-07:00

Hey guys, Geoff here.

Can you believe it's been almost a YEAR since we've posted an update? In fact, our last update was on my BIRTHDAY, a year ago? Can you believe it's been so long?

Us either.

Help me celebrate my birthday (a month early) by joining us for NEW, SLIGHTLY MORE REGULAR updates!! Starting with this one:

End of Days

WE'RE BACK, BABY! With gusto.

<4 Geoff

21 Jump Street

2012-03-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Chris: apparently the directors of 21 jump street snuck in a clone high joke at the end of the movie
http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Interview-21-Jump-Street-Directors-Clone-High-Joke-They-Snuck-Movie-30002.html

me: yeah!
cause it's the same guys!
also written by micheal bacall? I think we figured this out the other day but then I forgot and figured it out again yesterday

Chris: dude, this movie is shaping up to be good
and CJ loves it already
I mean he saw it, and loved it

me: yeah
all those guys are hilarious
I was gonna go see it yesterday until I realized it wasn't out yet

Chris: haha
that helps

me: but it's out TODAY!

Chris: HOLY.
MoTHER
FUCKING.
SHIT
BALLS
SNACKS
SANDWICH

me: I think you're underreacting

Chris: agreed
HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
BBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WITH
A
PICKLE
ON TOP
better?

me: slow day at work?

Chris: eh. my boss is sleeping in his car cuz he's high on vicadin
due to dental surgery

Scissors.

2012-03-07T15:55:00.002-08:00

It's funny cause it's true

2012-02-03T12:57:00.001-08:00

me: you're on the front page of funny or die
Christopher: sick!
It's about time, I mean, since the public saw me sneeze they've been clamoring for another bodily-fluid related appearance
me: aint that the truth
Christopher: I think we should do a short of us just puking next. Give them what they want, right?
me: haven't we already done that?
Christopher: oh yeah!
uh oh...
...
that only leaves shitting
...
me: ...haven't we already done that?
Christopher: lol did we?
me: appwipe?
Christopher: :o
we have covered every excrement
me: I think jizzing pretty much completed the list, yeah
Christopher: time to retire?
me: I think that time has come and gone

Happy New Year!

2012-01-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

crazieapril3: hey :)
me: hi?
crazieapril3: hey i've been sitting around sooo bored and figured i'd say helllo... hope i didn't bother u
theres like no one around to talk to anymore.... 27/female here how bout u?
me: 31/male
do I know you?
crazieapril3: ah cool so what's up????
me: nothin much
just sittin around naked
got any pics?
crazieapril3: lts so lame on here now i can't stand it
me: ARE YOU A ROBOT
crazieapril3: well l have an idea if u wanna have sum fun!!! i was gonna get on my cam and "unwind" a lil u should cum join ;)
i found this sweet sitethat is just like facebook but without the annoying kids... wanna check it out????
me: sorry, I have a strict 'no fatties' policy
BURN
crazieapril3: it only takes asecond to signup and it's 110% free 2!!! http://twurl.nl/cdytpo just click the 'join Free' at the top of thepage
once you signup u'll be allgood and u can join my private chat and tell me what 2 do ;)
me: 110% free would actually mean that you give me money
crazieapril3: yea you do need a card of sum kind but they wiII Not charge u a thing!!!!!!
me: I'm only into chicks that poop themselves
will you poop yourself for me??
crazieapril3: i cant wait this is going to be sooo much fun.. wait till u see what i'm wearing right now lol i think u'll like it;)
me: WHY, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!!!!
crazieapril3: are u in hun??? i'm going to go get some "toys" but ill brb and hopefully u'll be in when i get back hurry uppp
me: why is "toys" in quotes there

...she never answered. Happy new year.

NEW SHORT! While the Girls are Gone!

2011-08-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

Just uploaded a new short. On my god damn birthday! That's how dedicated I am to comedy! Especially comedy about farts.

While the Girls are Gone

Based on true events.

Yours forever,
Geoff

We're Adults

2011-08-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Look, we did a mad lib!

Buried Treasure - by Wondiferous

Wednesdays are great for tea parties. Every wednesday for the past 37
years we've had our tea party...and the same conversation. Today was
different however. AJ suggested we try something new. He pulled
out from behind him an old tattered pork. On it there were
markings and riddles, apparently guiding the way to a fortune! We were
hesitant at first, but we got up and left, with our tea on the table
steaming. We hopped on my moped and set out on our journey. AJ got a
lot of dolphins all over his face on the way there. I felt pretty
moist about that. After 378 days, we finally made our destination. We
got out our pencils and started philandering with them. After many
hours and a lot of sweat, we found a chest! We had to unlock it with
a boner. Inside, we couldn't believe our anuses! It was full of ghosts,
halibut, tongues, diarrhea and just one very special razor! It's
been quite an adventure! Hopefully we have more of those. As for now,
it's wednesday again, and if we lick fast enough, we can be home in time
to enjoy some steaming tea once again.

actually, most of our conversations go like this

2011-08-04T00:04:00.000-07:00

Sent at 11:39 PM on Wednesday
geoff: are we foleying tomorrow?
Christopher: yeah dude, if you're still down
geoff: I got a new mic today
cause I'm a nerd
it's very expensive
let's use it for crappy walking in sand sound effects!
Christopher: perfect! like losing your virginity in a broom closet
geoff: is it?
I think it's more like losing your virginity to an inflatable doll
like yeah, you had sex with a girl, but you paid way more than you got out of it
Christopher: but I don't think you can lose your virginity to an inflatable doll
geoff: okay wait
I got this
it's like hiring a hooker
Christopher: lol
geoff: but then only using her for cuddling?
Christopher: haha definitely
Hookers need hugs too
geoff: ain't that the truth.
Christopher: So what time were you thinking?

New Twitter Account, Site updates

2011-07-17T00:59:00.000-07:00

Dudes,

First of all, new twitter account yay! I still hate twitter, but apparently I need to start using it, according to everyone. So please follow us for latest news and updates and jokes: www.twitter.com/funny_shorts

B) I added a google +1 button under all the videos. Cause, you know. Jumpin' on the whole gplus bandwagon. So feel free to share our videos with all six people you know on google+!

Sincerely,
Geoff

New Comic

2011-07-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hey look, CJ made a nerdy, nerdy comic. It's about games or something. I don't even get it.

New Music

2011-07-04T02:37:00.000-07:00

ZACH AND I MADE A SONG

We spent literally dozens of minutes on it.

And we decided to name our band "Lady Darkington" because someone named "Lady Darkington" subscribed to us on youtube while we were making it.

This one's for you, Lady Darkington.

HELLO CITIZENS

2011-06-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I realize you haven't really heard anything from us since that whole tosh.0 extravaganza, which was like a month ago. That's mainly cause I've been working six day weeks on a feature cause I gots bills to pay. BUT! If you guys can hold out, we've got some really big stuff in the works. Like, REALLY big. Not funny or complicated at all, just physically gigantic.

Until then,
Geoff

Special Thursday Update: Nosetradamus III

2011-05-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Tosh.0 for plugging the original Nosetradamus and thanks to all you viewers for watching our shorts and leaving such supportive feedback! We're glad we could make you laugh. Tell your friends.

As our way of saying thanks, I'm posting a SUPER SPECIAL bonus Thursday update! Figured I might as well update while the fire's still hot and we're still vaguely popular! Figured I might as well milk this Nosetradamus franchise until it's a dried up shriveled husk of what used to be a crappy 15 second joke! So without further ado:

Nosetradamus III

Before you watch, you might want to make sure you've seen the first two.

Thanks again everyone! You're the best.

-Geoff

News: 'Nosetradamus' airs on Tosh.0 this Tuesday!

2011-05-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Everyone's favorite 10 second pun, Nosetradamus, is going to show as a part of the upcoming Tosh.0 episode that airs this Tuesday for some reason. So... even though you've already seen it here on the internet, check it out, cause that's pretty cool!

If you came here after seeing it on Tosh.0, that's even cooler! We generally update on Tuesdays, whenever we feel like it, weekly or every other week or whatever. Check out all our videos here, if you like what you see, like us on facebook or subscribe to our youtube channel or send us money.

All the best,
Geoff

Dust Cover (Your Mouth)

2011-05-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

True story: I'm on a lot of prescription pain killers right now, and I've lost a lot of blood. But does that keep me from setting a new record for highest pun-to-duration ratio? FUCK YEAH! or NO! or whatever.

Hey look, a girl!

ONE YEAR OF COMEDY

2011-04-08T00:16:00.000-07:00

So today, April 8th, marks the one year anniversary of the launch of funny-shorts.com. In that time we have put 24 videos online, a couple of which are even funny!

I want to personally thank everyone who helped in any way, from ideas, to acting, to helping with production. Even if you just told a friend or two. Thank you all so much.

To celebrate, here's a brand new short!

This is one of my least favorite shorts we've ever done. It's not a very good joke.

Happy birthday to us!

- Geoff

p.s. There's a reason I uploaded this short even though I hate it. A very worthwhile reason. Do with that what you will.
p.p.s. MYSTERIOUS!

GHOST FART

2011-03-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

Okay, I know what you're thinking. "It's March," you're thinking.